DEC. 4th- How Cold is Cold -Lombardi?

December 4, 2010 at 5:38 am 31 comments

ED NOTE: I am writing this on the 3rd of December- a year has gone since that awful day Chris died BUT in the past 36 hours two terrible acts ( at least I think them to be terrible have come to light- One was the fact that on that day last year Chris father was “SHUT OUT” of the ICU room where his son was drawing his last breath – instead of his father at his side Tim Lombardi watched my son die - that was bad enough and the anger I felt when I learned that just yesterday has been magnified because today my wonderful daughter finally told me what happened to her in the ICU room.

You see she had wanted to protect me but today was too much and as we shared our grief it finally came out. So the following post has me seething with an anger toward those that perpetrated this callousness and coldness. It doesn’t matter to me that it was one year ago – finding out about it today it becomes as fresh as the snow that is falling.


Countdown to Christmas – on the 4th day of December ( his true love gave to us – 10:30 am – a meeting at the funeral home Boyer and Cool. I did not attend – I stayed with Gavin and my husband.

However at that meeting Angela (Lombardi) ritchey ( flanked by the ever-present Sue and Tim Lombardi )along with Bob Cool, Ken Ritchey, Nikki and Jim Beres and my mother discussed the “arrangements” and agreed to certain things but it seems we had already upset the “pre funeral planning” by the Lombardi clan -It seems arrangements had already been made before my son was dead! Whilst his family were still hoping to hope they had been busy little “controllers” making arrangements and not saying a word to Chris immediate family-

Less than 24 hours before I had been summoned into a conference room for Angela’s “family meeting”- I had come down after falling exhausted into sleep to be woken by Nikki-

Mum you have to go back

- I said

Nikki I can’t- I can’t even stand

and she said

Mum, you have to something is wrong- I will come down as soon as Jim gets here to take Gavin

I rushed through the hallways- to this day I have no idea what clothes I had on…. I found my son’s room empty – no one was with him I went in- a new nurse said

You are wanted in the conference room

-I said

my husband is there I am not leaving my son alone I promised him-

Nurse

YOU HAVE TO GO!

I looked at this officious nurse and said

“I DON’T “HAVE” TO GO ANYWHERE OR DO ANYTHING I AM NOT LEAVING MY SON ALONE!

It was then Nikki arrived – still in pajamas purchased from the hospital gift shop- they were pink and blue and brown and white striped- like some bizarre clown outfit. I remember thinking Chris would find it funny

She said:

Mum you go I will stay with Chris I promise

The meeting that day was about taking Chris off the vent they

“didn’t want any trouble”

so they needed my permission as well as his wifes- I had the night before made sure that the staff were now aware that Nikki and I were also on his paperwork.

The Dr. explained what would happen and our options and what each option would mean when they did this- how they were going to have to wait until one of the medications wore off so it would be a little while- ironically the same Dr. who had stated just a couple of hours previously to Angela as I stood there at 5 in the morning :

OH ! this is the first night he had held his own

- Angela

Cool Beans! we now have to feed my boy

Dr. We have to do something about a bowel movement first
As I stood there like some peripheral groupie I mentioned the scan and that

“the ICU nurse was very concerned as his pupils were fixed and dilated and had called the Neurologist for a scan”



The Elephant Run-by Chris Ritchey

Two faces and pairs of eyes ” in the know medical (Drs.?) turned and looked at me like I was some sort of “ignorant irritant”

The MD on duty – I don’t remember her name just her face- I had seen it through the early morning hours looking at the monitors through the glass – never once coming into the room – said:

Oh I am not worried he is on a boat load of medication

Giggles from the “Dr. to be ritchey ( Angela)

Oh he is on enough medication to fill up an elephant heehehehehee!

With that I left to try to sleep as I was exhausted………

Two hours later the same “I am not worried about that Dr. was informing me my son was brain-damaged and possibly already brain-dead but they weren’t sure – a decision to remove the vent had to be made.

I can’t remember much in those next few minutes I stayed back in the conference room with my husband- I knew Nikki wouldn’t leave her brother- I couldn’t think that my beautiful son was going to die- I truly still thought he will show them he will come out of this – I never gave up hope and none of us said to goodbye-

My husband when he was in a coma told us that he had heard every word that people spoke but he couldn’t let us know. So we all acted on the fact that Chris too was aware and were so careful not to say or do anything that would distress him- trapped as he was…….

Fashionistas Sue Lombardi and Angela (Lombardi) ritcheyThis apparently was not consideration given by the Lombardis as Sue Lombardi and Angela joined Nikki in the ICU room. Nikki was putting cool cloths on Chris’ brow , holding his hand and talking to him that everything was Ok and she wouldn’t leave him-

However that was not the reason apparently the Lombardi women were in the room, not for them comfort and saying farewell NO they had other reasons for seeing Chris they were choosing his “laying out clothes”
So before my son was dead, two minutes after Nikki had learned they were taking Chris off the vent – Angela Ritchey DO and Sue stood over my dying son having already decided without even the courtesy of discussing with Chris’ family the Gluvna Funeral Home would handle the arrangements-

Sue Lombardi

We will lay him out in his black pants, blue shirt and silver tie


Angela -

Yes, but no suit jacket Chris wouldn’t like that

Nikki couldn’t believe what she was hearing her brother lying there still breathing, still warm, his hand still in hers and they are discussing “funeral fashion!” -

Nikki said to me today between her sobs –

Mum who are these people. how does a “bride” stand there as her husband is dying and calmly decide what fashion statement he will make in his casket- I was standing there trying to memorize every piece of his face, his hands everything about him knowing I would never see him again and they are discussing what to dress him in and he wasn’t even dead. I just cannot believe they were so cool and calm and cold when Angela said
“Yes but no jacket ” it was in the same tone as saying

I will have honey mustard sauce with the nuggets…….

Nikki turned to them and quietly said through her teeth so that Chris didn’t hear

NO! you are not laying my brother out, there will be no casket he is to be cremated, he isn’t to go to Gluvna but to Boyers – I will fight you on this – he is to go home

Sue Lombardi:

but this will be a huge funeral and what would we do about the parking….

I still find this scenario incredible What kind of people are more concerned in the “funeral fashion statement” of their son-in-law and new husband will wear as he is clinging to life. Who calmly looks at their dying groom and is concerned about jacket or no jacket, what kind of people are these ?- How could you even discuss this as a sister holds her dying brothers hand and tries to give him comfort. How could Angela even contemplate that next move? I just know that anyone who loved my son deeply would not be thinking of “dressing him in his coffin” in their last moments together !
I didn’t know any of this until today – I am even more filled with disgust that someone who was so full of life, love and caring has left this life and those that should have mourned his loss stood over him – as he lay dying deciding how to dress him in a casket to look good!

I just can’t get my head around this thinking is this normal for death in this country? I don’t think so- is this normal for Catholics? I don’t think so – is this normal for a “bride”? I don’t think so- but you tell me – those who read this – because if this is normal then the Catholic USA has a problem!

The disgust I feel at such pious hypocrites is indescribable – to think my son was subject to this in his last moments “what would he be wearing as they decorated him in the casket “ fills me with a gut filled sickness, it is beyond my comprehension as to what he did to deserve such coldness…….may it be visited upon them 10 fold.

Peace on Earth Good Will toward….. light a candle Tim, Sue and Angela you need them they are the only warmth that will emote from your souls this Christmas time and anytime . In my opinion you are all beneath contempt.

To be continued on the 11th…..

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Entry filed under: Chris Ritchey, Chris Ritchey, death, grief, hell is other people, Mothers, personal opinion, weddings and funerals. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , .

XII- December – Omega – Alpha – Chris Ritchey Sur-real-ity-

31 Comments Add your own

  • 1. tony  |  December 4, 2010 at 8:36 am

    I really do find all of this amazing, how disrespectful can people be, it makes me shiver. Although it also smacks that Angela was witholding information from all of you, but briefing her family. However, I bet that is no surprise to any of you, especially as all the different bits of info keep coming out of the closet.

    I am so sorry for all of you that these horrible acts keep coming to light, this is just not fair

    Love Tony

  • 2. Lisa  |  December 4, 2010 at 12:55 pm

    Un-freakin-real. Neither of those women could deal with the fact that they had absolutely no control over Chris while he was alive, so they made up for lost time as they so coldly and matter-of-fact-ly orchestrated his death.
    And how dare they shut ANY member of Chris’ family out of that room, let alone HIS FATHER!! If there was any time in his life when Tim Lombardi needed to grow a set and speak up on another DAD’S behalf, it was that moment. You know, a little “his dad needs to be in here, not me” would have gone a long way.
    That whole family needs their heads examined. Their behavior exhausts my supply of adjectives. They should be ashamed of themselves.

  • 3. thatwoman  |  December 4, 2010 at 1:22 pm

    I was thinking of the scene in Scrooge where the “hangers on ” had ripped down his bed curtains and taken his good linen to the rag and bone man…. and old Scrooge asking “is there no sadness and compassion in death- show me some ……” . but my son was no Scrooge far from it and didn’t deserve their inhumanity ….. I just can’t believe it……..how do you go into a room knowing that a sister who so loved her brother was having her heart broken and “OUTLOUD” during that moment discuss the “funeral fashion statement”- where was the hugs where was the shoulders to lean and cry upon….. where was the shared sorrow…… what were we- window dressing??????????? I am so angry it is a good job I didnt know at the time……….obviously the casket was going to be open and they had planned the embalming.something that little Tim Lombardi- already knew would be totally offensive to us – BUT they were just going to do what they wanted anyway BECAUSE THAT IS WHAT THEY DO!!!

    I don’t understand this “funeral arrangements here” is this normal -to exclude and control…..is this what happens….. when you die……….they cried more over their dog that died a few years ago than Chris…. Lisa you are right I have no adjectives that can fully portray how I feel about them all…………I do realize that I made the mistake of thinking they might have some humanity – they do everything for show!!! I have never experienced such extreme narcisism in all they years I have been on this earth and the thousands of people I have met….

    I cannot believe the poison that Chris brought into this family when he took up with the ICE PRINCESS and to think I talked him in to going back with her when they broke up- ooooooohhhhh

    That was the biggest mistake of my life…… the other was deferring to her postion as Chris wife – she didn’t deserve the consideration that we gave her……

  • 4. Grammy  |  December 4, 2010 at 2:11 pm

    This “family” Lombardi do not dispaly any “normal” reactions associated with this situation that I have ever encountered, Catholic or not, they are so off base emotionally, physically, intellectually (?) any way. I agree with you that even if a person seems unaware, unconscious, their spirit KNOWS what is happening. I believe in those final moments they are also looking for something to make the passage “easier” for all their loved ones as well as themselves. Please do not judge all of us on the basis of the self-centered you have encountered. I can only hope that “those people” find out IN KIND what they have given to others. To say that what goes around, comes around may sound trite, but for that group, it cannot happen soon enough.

    I reach out over the miles to hug you and your familly. Share all the good with Gavin so he can grow to be just like the rest of his family. Love and hugs,

  • 5. thatwoman  |  December 4, 2010 at 3:57 pm

    It is so remote for me- I have always had support and compassion when a loved one passed- I always saw from my family and friends as loved ones passed for them grief- not at all what I have experienced with the death of my son from those that had the legal rights- I guess if they didn’t hold themselves up to be such “god loving – christians” I could understand it a little better. but how does one worry about the “functioning of a funeral” when the man you just a few months earlier married- lay dying…. I could never understand why in all the days this was happening not one tear was shed- she was done and has since used my sons death to her benefit …( more on that another day)-

    I think we judge people by our own “bar” we say if I was in that situation what would I have done been doing……… I just can’t fathom it – I guess when I looked at Sue Lombardi and saw her hovering over my son like a crow over carrion as mentioned in my open letter to her- I wasn’t wrong was I ? she probably was imaptient to get the “show on the road” and count the money in the safety deposit box…..

    Actually I am angry that I hadn’t done more to protect both my children…… I feel ( I know logically not to feel this way) that I let them down- I should’ve been “ME” for Chris I should’ve trusted my feelings and I should’ve protected him from the fashionistas and I should’ve been with Nikki – but I was on the phone in the conference room as I had asked a good friend to go over to be withy my mother as she was now alone and I was checking on her…….
    BUT I honestly never thought Nikki would be subjected to that sort of a conversation whilst sharing her last moments with Chris…. in a way though she did stop them from doing him more damage and disrespect ….now his ashes are in a box and used for balloons and cake and reeces cups and pumpkins…… not only don’t they have any compassion they have no taste or class either……..what was it my Grandmother used to say “Breeding will out” Well the journey will continue for a few more posts and then……………..Loraine

  • 6. dave cotton  |  December 4, 2010 at 5:15 pm

    utter disbelief that people could be so cruel.
    I am thinking of you and your family!

  • 7. Mary  |  December 4, 2010 at 11:26 pm

    Loraine, you know I am a Catholic although an Irish Catholic and I can only tell you of what we have done in our family with the passing of my beloved brother. We experienced similar things from my brother’s partner (we didn’t know that they had broken up at the time) and I was utterly appalled at how how cold and callous people can be! Regardless, these people are odd birds. The need to control and this nonsense about preserving a supposed image is ridiculous and indicative of a deep rooted problem. Your mum is right, breeding will out every time! They, unfortunately, lack any type of breeding. They also lack any Christian charity, kindness and compassion and need to remember that what you do will come back to you tenfold. Karma’s a bitch and will bite you in the ass every time.

  • 8. thatwoman  |  December 5, 2010 at 12:46 pm

    For months I have been a puddle and emotionally incontinent mess…….. I loved my son and my child…….I kept thinking ” this is their way their culture”………. they are too wrapped up in their own to consider us… we obviously were a problem- I tried not to be but hey guess I didn’t succeed in reaching out to Angela…

    However a year after the day of my son’s death I learned of the “fashionistas” standing over Chris discussing his “layout clothes” as his sister is trying to ease his passing and remember him…..
    THERE IS NO WAY THE GIRL LOVED MY SON …… nothing NOW will ever make me believe that…….. I am NOT surprised now at all they would lie, send disgraceful hurtful notes to those in deep mourning, interr his last remains with out even telling his family.. dance around laughing at the visitation. and gossip about me telling more lies. …………it is foreign to my understanding that there are such people in the world let alone Lorain – calculating cold and worse yet “a group of them” –

    I actually have learned a little about “the other side” and having had just a small part of this type of group mentality and coldness touch this family – I am beginning to understand things about this world and how events happen – if you get enough of these type of people in one place how things can go terribly wrong …………

    I have obviously been thinking about this and when I have “processed this latest information ” the journey continues……

  • 9. Mark  |  December 5, 2010 at 3:13 pm

    In no way, shape or form does the Lombardi family represent ANYTHING to do with Catholic values, feelings, love or concern of a dying loved one. Nothing of what you’ve written even remotely illustrates any sort of Christian upbringing. Reading about the lombardi’s makes me want to vomit.

    If this wasn’t true, I would say that the levels of conniving, sneaking, manipulating and lying are too fantastical to be real. Thank the Good Lord that there aren’t many families like them out there. I am so sorry that you had to be the one that actually had the horrible misfortune to have angela marry into your family.

    Judging from your post, I’d lay odds Lucifer is grinnin’ really big today, and dusting off a seat at his table. There’s no way that someone with her attributes….

  • 10. Loraine Ritchey  |  December 5, 2010 at 4:45 pm

    I know Mark, writing all this over the past months and “discovering” the truth really is stranger than fiction……. it beggers belief.. as creative as my mind “was” at one time I couldn’t have even written even as a piece of fiction anything so bizarre as what has happened to us because of a father , mother, daughters, sisters , aunts, grandparents……

    these are your “normal” church going people of your bank, even , health care professionals , social service agency employees, teachers of children …..people who are supposedly normal and caring and neighbors…….. THEY who have gone to such lengths of control and “power urges” and to do this when a family grieves and looks for comfort and a way to get through a time that is the most devastating time any parent can face. ..Hell they have even had one of their own experience such a horrendous loss and still the “group was silent” as they poured their poisoned thinking onto Chris loved ones….

    to have that group of “solid citizens” be so ( I can’t think of a word to describe them except they are dead themselves inside to anything other than appearances and their nacissistic manipulations….. I grieve for Chris and yet he is well rid of that “circle of contemptables”

    I said in an earlier post that I am trilogy that anger has kept me from being completely disfunctional- let me tell you the anger I feel after finding out what happened as Chris lay dying and what they did to my daughter also defies description ……. they too need warning labels…. so becareful as those of you who attend St. Peters and St. Mary Mother of God this Christmas time the hand that turns to you and says “Peace be with you” may be bearing false witness. …..they are not the harbringers of Peace but of a Coldness Deceit- their Christmas clothes put on the backs of internal ugliness…..

    As for the Catholic aspect maybe I will have to write another letter to Rome and ask….. not going to bother with Lennon and Divas they don’t answer their mail – The Cardinals on the other hand don’t seem to have that problem :)

  • 11. Grammy  |  December 5, 2010 at 10:07 pm

    I hope you can find some comfort and peace sometime, somewhere. I know and have dealt with people with only have concerns about themselves and are more worried about what others are going to think. I hurts so bad, especially when they turn on you when you don’t do things their way (I had just the opposite, I did what my loved on wanted, others disapproved and since it wasn’t their way, they stayed away, even though it hurt others, they didn’t care.)

    Be brave, be strong, be comforted that Chris still watches over you and knows your love.

  • 12. thatwoman  |  December 6, 2010 at 11:56 am

    Me too and for the rest of my family- this journey on this blog will eventually “close” but in the meantime I suppose Grammy one of the things that I can’t get my head around – is that my family aren’t terribly religious in the church going sense….. as I have posted..so knowing that these people ALL of them profess to have great faith and the whole Saint thing and wear the symbols and go to mass regularly and work with their priest in order to help sustain the church and religious beliefs….

    How do they in all conscience do what they have done – obviously they feel they have done no wrong in the eyes of their beliefs or church …. I have to tell you I now look with great skepticsm on all things religious that is what the message this group have done for this family – because it is a group not just one or two family members but generations of them…… they all “circled” ( a phrase Sue Lombardi always used)… this is a large group of people and their extended family that poisoned our peace…….

    No compassion for “us the supposed sinners- I guess” not even the priest – obviously as he enabled the actions of his “flock”. I wonder had we been Catholic or members of that church would things have been different? It is a thought that has crossed my mind more than once…..

    If they weren’t so “church proud” and professing such faith- and all that entails maybe I could fathom their actions- but as far as I can tell “Christianity- and the Catholic Church is supposed to be about loving your fellow man- compassion- healing- peace- so to me it doesn’t make any sense at all that those that profess to be :Catholic Christians living within the teachings of that religion can be without compassion, can cause such distress as a family experiences a loss so profound and with the blessings of a priest obviously because he was so much a part of this…… he enabled them and interred my son in his cemetery and his faith knowing his family weren’t there or been informed…….had to ..did he reach out – where was his compassion for his fellow man……. we weren’t strangers living on another planet …..

    That is what I can’t understand- how do you go to church sit there listen to the sermons of love and forgiveness and doing what is right and turn around and cause such pain and angst and the most terrible time in a mothers , fathers sisters life- how do you worry about ‘PARKING!!!!!” AND WHAT TIE- AS A SISTER IS SPENDING HER LAST MINUTES WITH HER BROTHER.

    There was not ONE tear shed by any of them INCLUDING HIS BRIDE!!!!

    Sorry I know I keep on about this but this is as foreign to me as if I just landed on Mars- strangers have had more compassion in those last hours than Chris wife and family had……Again I am sorry I feel at total odds with the world and religion …. and it sickens me that they will sit piously in their pews celebrating the birth of Christ and what that meant to the world.

    Even if a priest flock is not living up to the teachings shouldn’t he?

    And yet there have been some wonderful people of great faith that have reached out to help us through but unfortuately the “pious poisoners” have left us in a place that pulls us further downward………

  • 13. Sur-real-ity- « That Woman’s Weblog  |  December 7, 2010 at 12:27 pm

    [...] DEC. 4th- How Cold is Cold -Lombardi? [...]

  • [...] Oh! the list of ‘control incidences” continued unchecked in our time of losing. Two more incidences I just found out about this past week. [...]

  • 15. DEC 19th- 2009 “The Issue” 2010 « That Woman’s Weblog  |  December 19, 2010 at 12:44 am

    [...] a memory of “who Chris was”with your balloons and cake and tacky decoration and acts of “self” [...]

  • [...] ED Note- vacuous thinking comes to mind when that statement was made by Angela! WHO???? gets excited about the participation of funeral homes in a fundraiser for your husband who is under a death sentence and to then feel it was important to impart that information to him? In my opinion total lack of thought to the consequences of her words. But like her other words SHE did not have to deal with the results – harbinger of words to come and end results of that sort of vacuous thinking on her part. http://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2010/12/04/dec-4th-how-cold-is-cold-lombardi/ [...]

  • [...] pain and anguish as to be untenable but they felt no such pain in the passing of my child – their calculating coldness proved that. Lies were being told to justify the actions of callousness and greed and since I [...]

  • [...] words and actions http://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2010/12/04/dec-4th-how-cold-is-cold-lombardi/left their mark but then just a little while ago I received from a young man this [...]

  • 20. To BE or NOT to BE- Why and Wherefores « That Woman’s Weblog  |  September 23, 2011 at 11:29 am

    [...] few days, how it eats at your very life. I have known the pain of death but none like this and the cold cruelty that followed only added to the pain and the “why didn’t I? “ [...]

  • [...] They said he wouldn’t remember anything but he did and told us afterwards everything we were saying and who was there – it was horrible not being able to show he heard and he knew what they and we were saying. It was very frightening for him. He has never gotten over that experience. I remembered that as Chris lay in his bed those last days hooked up – I ache at the thought that he could have heard the dreadful Sue Lombardi and her daughter, Angela Ritchey DO calmly discussing what to dress Chris in in his coffin- it shatters me to think my son trapped in his body was hearing their thoughts on parking at the funeral home. Imagine that if you will.http://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2010/12/04/dec-4th-how-cold-is-cold-lombardi/ [...]

  • [...] I was sickened to my heart and soul by their actions. I still gag at the very thought of them and their leftovers in that ” ICU waiting room”. I couldn’t understand their thinking, when to all intents and purposes we had been told just a couple of hours before Chris was dying- and how they could “eat”? . It still sends ripples of disgust through my being as I think of the swapping of recipes that afternoon waiting for my son to breathe his last so they could get on with their “plans”. [...]

  • [...] The music for Chris was chosen not only because the words fit so well the story of his life, sung so beautifully and gave comfort at a time when comfort, solace and compassion was denied. http://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2010/12/04/dec-4th-how-cold-is-cold-lombardi/ [...]

  • [...] – Experiencing the “in -laws’ (ED Note- pity about experiencing the Lombardis and co and more is the pity WE have had to experience them.) If there ever was justice one day the father of the clan Tim Lombardi should know what it is like to walk in the shoes he “designed” for Chris’s father. http://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2010/12/04/dec-4th-how-cold-is-cold-lombardi/ [...]

  • [...] of respite. The freedom of lightness of days when I danced along on my journey eyes unseeing the succubus of wickedness , deceit and control, selfishness, hypocrisy and disease that lay in wait [...]

  • [...] is not a good week , first of all the “horrible trogolodytes” ( no this time it isn’t the used to be in- laws) found a way to attack my computer and the “spy ware” had trouble keeping up so the [...]

  • [...] THE ACTS OF PEOPLE- I still can’t understand- http://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2010/12/04/dec-4th-how-cold-is-cold-lombardi/ [...]

  • […] I have smarted with the pain of “people” – http://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2010/12/04/dec-4th-how-cold-is-cold-lombardi/ […]

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