My immortality- my eyes- the new keepers of happiness

July 7, 2012 at 10:52 am 5 comments

For many months, as I watched Gavin grow, I have seen this bundle of energy who explodes into life at full tilt all day long reminding me of people I love.

Gavin is a composite of those I love – his daddy’s head, dimples and legs – he was the only baby I have ever seen that was born with defined calf muscles.

His mother’s and great – grandmother’s eyes, mother’s nose and mouth . Chris’s hands ,which were just like his own fathers – his great- grandfather’s way of sitting on the floor and the “screwed up” face smile. And yes! my own son’s- Chris’ temper and penchant for drama – which was also inherited from me – Nag nog. (Apologies to those Target shoppers of last night- due to the

I NEEEEEEEED and WANT that truck!

and the reaction to NO! :)

The way Gavin telegraphs, to those watching, his next move, the emotions flitting across his face as quickly as the thoughts in his brain . And you had better be quick- his total lack of fear and curiosity – a personality made of quick silver can lead you to “run” to keep up. I see the people I love all wrapped up in this dynamic little body .

I can assure you all that Gavin’s temper/drama is not a learned behaviour it is in his genes- as neither parent has that particular personality quirk( no! and nor can they even begin understand it) – that part of Gavin definitely came down from me and my heredity . I understand Gavin’s temper – I know what will set him off before he does- just like I knew my son. (The journey)

Luckily, we of the drama, get over our drama quickly , although others tend to sulk- but we do remember why , what and who sets us off- as does Gavin. Still one can hope Gavin will learn to deal with his frustration as he gets older, he will mellow and hopefully the energy will be constructive. I cannot see anything of me in his little face though just in his personality .

Braedyn, now 5 months old , is a totally different personality – takes after his mummy and daddy in that respect – happy , content, loving and an infectious laugh that simply bubbles out of that cuddly little package and no drama ( so far). Braedyn just enjoys all that is put before him. I can’t tell about his hands just yet, the shape of his head is more his mothers as is his nose – his father’s mouth and forehead and penchant for laughter and companionship.

But as Braedyn grows I have realized I have been looking into my own eyes- . This is a very strange experience to look into one’s own eyes -something I can’t quite describe.

It was just a few weeks ago as I was cuddling him, giving him his bottle, I looked upon his little happy chubby face with cheeks like his mummy. Looking down into those blue eyes I realized I was looking at eyes I had seen in a mirror all my life.

Oh! due to age and months of constant tears my eyes have changed – they are now pale , saddened , sodden and swollen – no longer reflecting happiness that once shone through from my soul, or the fire that would spark from time to time , they are no longer bright with joy and laughter.

Braedyn’s eyes, so much like mine now hold the legacy – gone these many months from mine own – joy and happiness are now captured the sparkling blue depths of Braedyn’s eyes .

My fervent hope is Braedyn never loses the happiness in those eyes and that Gavin continues to rush at life his spirit buoyed on with the laughter and love of his little brother who now holds and becomes the keeper of the legacy of my happiness in his eyes .

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Entry filed under: Chris Ritchey, death, grief, journey, Love, Mothers. Tags: , , , , , , .

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5 Comments Add your own

  • 1. gramster1  |  July 7, 2012 at 12:51 pm

    The love in a child’s eye, watching them grow and become, how grand a legacy! You express these thoughts so well. I am so glad you write things that I can’t quite put on paper. Thank you and hug the boys for me too!

  • 2. Barbara Macgregor  |  July 11, 2012 at 3:09 pm

    Barbara Macgregor July 10, 2012

    Your love shows in both boys and both love you too. Always in my prayers.

  • 3. Mary  |  August 11, 2012 at 1:31 am

    He does look just like you!

  • 4. Loraine Ritchey  |  August 11, 2012 at 12:06 pm

    well he is chubby too :)

  • 5. Darla Cuevas  |  August 11, 2012 at 1:00 pm

    Thats just baby fat.. it will go away in time. My little one is 6yrs old and i have baby fat from him..lol

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