Gridlocked and the writing stop sign!
It isn’t as if I have writers’ block , maybe it is grief gridlock or that I am a becoming a marshmallowy pillow of a vehicle . I keep absorbing the information, the stories, tucking away the posts in a part of my mind but although I am taking on board the fuel I just can’t get to the gas pedal. I could write about so many things – most of them already started:
The continuing journey of in search of my son but the stop sign on that particular street is the cost to continue – it takes a great toll on me physically and emotionally- I have to move forward slowly – there is no E-Z pass available .
Healthcare and the Drs. – that has been started with so much to cover but I know eventually I will have to pull out the terrible memories at the Cleveland Clinic and relive those days of horror in order to explain the treatment courses for “refractory Hodgkin’s Lymphoma”.
This particular stop sign finds me with “guilt gridlock” as I know I can help those that come to my blog every day with the search term “is Hodgkin’s curable”. I know, just like I did, they need and want answers in lay terms and I could help with the potholes and speed bumps and no exits on that journey. The engine of bravery is barely ticking over.
The research needed and time to discover the who is who- there is an apathy that has controlled me these past weeks and I can’t get out of 1st gear on this one. So the information sits and idles on my desk top!
It is all there waiting – the caution lights blinking – because the road to be followed is not on the map and the responsibility of the driver’s seat has left me stalled. The openness of the road is daunting.
That vehicle is so full it cannot get past the weight scales to get back on the road. There are just so many passengers it is a quandary as to who should get off the bus first. There are 65 categories on this blog and I have a tale to tell for each and everyone of them .
Freedom – the price of freedom – and the perception of freedom- is freedom relative?
Exploring this road finds me in need of a licence to continue?
This vehicle has an empty seat and its fuel gauge is hovering around low so short trips are the outcome . There seems to be “missing” stops signs along the way.
So here I am in the lay by of life at the moment assessing thedamage of continuous fender benders waiting for the gridlock to break and finding the energy needed to start the engine and continue.
Entry filed under: a Cow -elle opinion, Blogging, Chris Ritchey, city of lorain, Doctors/Physicians, grief, health, Lorain Dude, Lorain Multi Property Owners, personal opinion, writers and writing. Tags: grief, writing.