Life Lessons and Mother May I? One year on-
It has been one year since another “ I want”- ME! ME! ME! and bugger how it affects anyone else came slithering in on the slimy secrets of self.
You do not deliver a lifestyle change to a 92-year-old woman without preparing her, which would have been up to me. That was taken completely out of our hands- he is just fortunate she didn’t have a heart attack.
Mum has to move. The story is long and complicated ( aren’t they always) but the bottom line is another “Because they can cretin“ . And absolutely no thought to the consequences as to HOW news like this would affect a 92 years old, delivered out of the blue. Why ? – because the path these “narcissistic non- thinkers” choose has no other travellers but themselves.
This meant 27 years of memories and “precious things” she had saved and brought over with her from England when she retired – the giving up of one’s independence , watching the things people had given her through the years go into the trash – things she had lovingly saved and kept close to her in her lifetime journey of 92 years has to go .
There has been an adjustment in the family and this house obviously! With my mum , what furniture we could save, and a dividing of space within this old house, because I learned long ago everyone needs a space that is just for them where they can retreat to their own thoughts, there is an adjustment of change by just living with other people, their ways and needs. I have to say, from my perspective, for the most part our lives have slotted in very well.
Along with furniture and memories came Tetley. Now Tetley is a very opinionated dog , he also doesn’t listen well but loudly proclaims to anyone daring to walk down the road his presence.( as the poor neighbors will attest) I believe Tetley sees himself as “bull mastiff” rather than a a fluffly blonde bundle of fur on 4 little legs.
His life has changed too- no more cut up and spoon fed cooked chicken breast for him, who nightly had to be coaxed to eat. Tetley now waits eagerly for his morning and evening meal of “regular dog food”! Gone are his finicky bathroom habits ( walk me twice a day before I will “go”)- Tetley has learned there is an area in the back yard for his “jobs” and now takes great pride in making his needs known.
Of course he will not go outside in the morning until Misty stirs for her morning to begin, Tetley waits patiently and then follows her out with glee, tail held high and a spring in his step. You see Tetley has to wait – Misty too needs her space and alone time so the “master” bedroom is off limits to Tetley!
Ah! Misty,( she of the I KNOW THERE IS A FROG IN THAT POND- HUNTER OF FISH ) her life has changed too, she now has this annoying little “friend” who has invaded her space and home. Misty, is truly the most patient of dogs( JUST ASK THE FROGS) and has taken it in stride, that is of course unless my husband pays too much attention to Tetley that is definitely a No! No ! then Misty makes full use of her size to muscle Tetley elsewhere.
And speaking of husbands, he now has two women in the house to contend with, although not in the kitchen; this woman is more than happy to give that space over to Mum as she is the much better cook! The apples on the tree no longer go to waste, there are pies, apple crisp, jars of apple sauce, apple chutney and now baked apples.
The kitchen sink never has dishes in it anymore and the dishwasher is emptied every morning (how about that????),steps are swept, brass shines and things are put away. Sometimes it isn’t safe to put down your glass of lemonade and leave the room as you will come back to find it gone and the glass in the dishwasher, but considering mum is also the maker of the homemade lemonade, I can’t complain!
I hesitate to ask Mum too much about how she has felt having to move here , especially since Chris died, there is more to deal with emotionally in this house as the Gorilla of Grief
also hangs out here . I am afraid she might tell me! I was worried initially because over this whole situation she lost 24 lbs , aged and was confused as to the situation, her loss of independence and the trauma of packing up her home once again has taken a toll on her physically and definitely emotionally. My mother is a kind and gently giving person and could not understand what happened .
Me, I enjoy her company , I enjoy having my mum and I realized at the beginning of this latest “change” I would have to remember I am once again the daughter and mother knows best
Last week, on my birthday, I sat on the beach at Catawba with my daughter, my mother(Nana) and two little boys. I watched Gavin seriously busy explaining what he wanted Nana to do ( the 90 years that separate them not an issue) she held Braedyn and the sound of Nikki’s laughter at the “yum yum pigs bum you can’t have none “ dialogue ( sorry pre school teacher my grandson’s exposure to poetry ( cough) it is all the fault of a 93 year old! brought me to realize how lucky we are to have her still in our little family – that has very few left ( one who was wrenched from us and others who chose “self” above all no longer worthy of apple pie, special poetry and undying love. and I hope we have my mum (Nana) for a long time yet!