Posts filed under ‘hell is other people’
Teddy Roosevelt: “No Room in This Country for Hyphenated Americans”
Address to the Knights of Columbus
New York City- October 12th, 1915
Therefore, not finding a non- hyphenated group upon which to acclimate into the Americanization of Loraine- I chose to use the common denominator of Lorain. I put my focus on Lorain- after all it was going to be HOME- and I would have something in common with others who also chose to make Lorain their home!
We had purchased our “starter” home( in which we still reside) in an old neighborhood; one unfortunately that was in decline. We saw the house in the dark, my husband fell in love it with it and made the offer before I had even seen the basement!
I drove to the house the next morning , I still liked the house but soon realized this was not “upmarket” and the neighborhood was having issues. But then I thought:
well this is America and I don’t know too much about American neighborhoods and post codes ( zip codes)
and there by started the journey of “finding out about Lorain” a mock English Tudor and me.
I soon realized just like the lack of theatre locally , there was a drought of information that could be found about Lorain- there was not at that time a formal Lorain Historical Society , no computers, the library evidenced the most information and yet I knew just by walking around this old neighborhood, the architecture, the layout of the streets, the hodgepodge of different styles there were stories and history.
It was the theatre and saving one that found me getting my “Lorain” feet wet- the preservation of the Lorain Palace Theatre- with the ladies that lunched-
Barb McGregor , Mary Lou Connone, Ruth Calta Lori Hoke, Barbara McGregor, Corky Bruck, Charlotte Zakowski, Jane Baran, Jane Norton, Lou Kepler, Alice Weston, Phyllis Pfaff, Sally Bobel , Lilly Yuzon, Sally DeLuca , Mirium Schneider , Darlene Brown , Mrs. Robert Bostwick, Mrs. Dave Herzer , Carol Kramer, Frances Cellozzi, Marie Bonaminiooand so many others including Sandy Prudoff ( our first meeting) .
Top row left to right Casey Wolnowski- Loraine Ritchey- John Handyside- Sally Deluca – Dan Deliman – Jean Schaeffer- and I have forgotten- anyone know?
Jean Schaeffer took me under her wing – I met her at the Chef Henri Dinner Theatre and she decided I needed to be involved in Lorain and you just couldn’t say no to Jean . I have been involved in Lorain ever since.
I have made a nuisance of myself to all of the administrations. I started by storming into Mayor Zahorec”s administration ( 9 months pregnant) when Elio Jacabozzi declared no city worker or their families could attend City Council meetings . Incensed when I read the notification given to my husband I ranted on to Mayor Zahorec ( in my best British at the time) about freedom of speech , American Democracy etc. the policy was changed.
You see, my husband now worked for the City of Lorain ( Communications) and I was at a meeting speaking against the ore piles- that didn’t go down to well- fresh perspective of ( you don’t put great heaps of ore to mar a beautiful harbor and river) but they didn’t listen and acquired those ore piles; it took decades to get rid of them. I continued to try my best for Lorain no matter the Mayor, no matter the cause- just to bring to do what I could for my “home”.
Under Mayor Krasienko I was given the “Key to the City in 2010
Lorain is still hyphenated , now sometimes into the halves and quarters. I have been battered and bruised ,called names as I continued the journey trying my best to preserve, promote and support Lorain. Lorain’s earliest green space and the saving thereof caused such angst.
A church and priest Father Dan Divis who are not thought of with any fondness after their enabling of pain to this family.
I have tried to be an American non hyphenated by being a Lorainite, to assimilate, to do what the people who settled this community did to put Lorain ahead of hyphenation.
The older I get (life circumstances and hyphenated people) have found me changed since 2009 . I find myself drifting back into wanting my culture around me – those that think, understand and relate without explanation how I “work”, to be around MY cultural and religious heritage . Only here I am totally outnumbered , those are few and far between.
When my son was dying, that dreadful, dreadful day – I was surrounded by the grating voices and the “our way ” bullying of the Italian – Polish- German- Hispanic Roman Catholic- American controllers Vyka, Lombardi, Gonzales, Gott, Zaworksi-
Your name was RITCHEY , NOT – Lombardi , Vyka , Gonzales, Gott or Zaworski . You were taken to their faith and their closure, denying your family even the “time of your interment in their selfishness.”
As someone said
“it is like Chris’ family didn’t exist”
I desperately reached for my cell phone in those minutes after being told my son was probably brain-dead, whilst Lombardis sat there dry-eyed, stone faced , without a tear – worrying I wouldn’t pull the plug- messing further with their already laid our plans. I left the room to call a cousin as I was surrounded by “self” – ishness, inhumanity and without depth of human feeling as a mother and father lost their son, a sister lost her brother. I thought I would totally melt down if I didn’t hear an English voice- he was a life line in that instant.
With what happened to this family – the might of one hyphenated group trampling all over the culture and religion of another has not sat at all well with me , as longtime readers of this blog can attest. It does not fade but then another English trait long memories for injustice and tenacity.
Our wishes and our beliefs, culture overridden by the “hyphen-aters”. I watched as the “spoils” from a fundraiser were distributed with cloak and dagger secrecy by the mother Sue, of the clan Lombardi, and her banker husband Tim and sisters Zaworski and Gonzales. Nothing done that was technically illegal but in my opinion I found what happened to that money morally reprehensible.It was so against any upbringing I had experienced. Again, this left a bad taste in my mouth morality missing, but not apparently to those of the various “family culture”.
The bad taste in my mouth lingers.
I am still at sea – my caring of Lorain has diminished too – if I could run away I would – but wherever I went in the world I would take my untenable pain of loss with me.
There is no place that would ease and I have so much here to love ( those of my own) and they are now my place of respite and love. THEY ARE MY HOME OF MY HEART-THEY ARE THE ONES WHO “KNOW’ AND UNDERSTAND WITHOUT NEED OF EXPLANATION- THEY ARE MY CREED AND CULTURE NOW- AND IT IS FOR THEM I EXIST.The small group of “true” friends that “know” our pain without being told.
I now let others advocate for Lorain . I SOMETIMES WRITE BUT WITHOUT THE PASSION OF CARING IF THE OUTCOME IS FAVOURABLE TO MY THOUGHTS – IT IS WHAT IT IS-
I will keep my commitment to those projects started and to protect them as I wrap myself up in this little old neighborhood Charleston Village - that is who I am my culture of following through against all odds.
BUT – I WON’T take on anything else – I no longer get to get emotionally involved in Lorain – it is time to find a peace where I can . a hyphenated culture AND PEOPLE totally at odds with my own has won out leaving a bad taste for those cultures and religion who have cased such pain – I TOO, AM NOW HYPHENATED
Me and the Kinks lost to history !
Kinks – The Village Green Preservation Society
We are the Village Green Preservation Society.
God save Donald Duck, vaudeville and variety.
We are the Desperate Dan Appreciation Society.
God save strawberry jam and all the different varieties.
Preserving the old ways from being abused.
Protecting the new ways, for me and for you.
What more can we do?
We are the Draught Beer Preservation Society.
God save Mrs. Mopp
and good old Mother Riley.
We are the Custard Pie Appreciation Consortium.
God save the George Cross, and all those who were awarded them.
We are the Sherlock Holmes English-speaking Vernacular.
God save Fu Manchu, Moriarty and Dracula.
We are the Office Block Persecution Affinity.
God save little shops, china cups, and virginity.
We are the Skyscraper Condemnation Affiliates.
God save Tudor houses, antique tables, and billiards.
Preserving the old ways from being abused.
Protecting the new ways, for me and for you.
What more can we do?
We are the Village Green Preservation Society.
God save Donald Duck, vaudeville and variety.
We are the Desperate Dan Appreciation Society.
God save strawberry jam and all the different varieties.
God save the village green!
It was very lonely here in Lorain, although I did meet friends through the Canadian Legion, one especially has been my friend for 40 years and has put up with me and supported me even in those early days. I have met some wonderful “hyphenated- American Lorainites and some who are the very dregs of their respective hyphenated culture .
So here I was at a loss – when I realized I did share something in common with Lorain- THE NAME -MY NAME (which was also spelled incorrectly Loraine as opposed to Lorraine, both named after the area in France.)
My focus then became Lorain and for decades I tried to promote Lorain ( my new home – the home and birthplace of my children) whilst trying to keep what was the best of being English and or British.
Mr Cameron recently pronounced the values of the British when dealing with the Trojan Horse Scandal and the 800 anniversary of the Magna Carta ( upon which the US Constitution is based) http://edsitement.neh.gov/lesson-plan/magna-carta-cornerstone-us-constitution
Mr Cameron, British Prime Minister said “British values” included: “A belief in freedom, tolerance of others, accepting personal and social responsibility, respecting and upholding the rule of law.”
Unfortunately, England is now having to deal with a diversified culture and “hyphenation ” as to different values and the taking over of England by “immigrants” who have stamped their culture full square on their “new home country” – Very few have followed the creed “the when in Rome” and to assimilate into a very British way of life and using the “free to be me and let it be” values of England.
The Trojan Horse Scandal
Operation Trojan Horse was an organized attempt by Islamists to co-opt schools in England and run them according to their beliefs and ideals. The name, based on the Ancient Greek legend, came from a leaked letter of questionable authenticity discovered in March 2014, alleged to be from Islamists in Birmingham, detailing how to wrest control of a school and speculating about expanding the scheme to other cities. Around a month later, Birmingham City Council said that it had received “hundreds” of allegations of school takeover plots, similar to those illustrated in the letter, some dating back over 20 years. Tahir Alam, the chairman of the Park View Educational Trust which runs six schools in Birmingham, was found to have written a 72-page document for the Muslim Council of Britain in 2007 detailing a blueprint for the “Islamisation” of secular state schools.
The alleged Islamic extremism seen in the ‘Trojan Horse’ scandal in schools in Birmingham is the same as that practised by Boko Haram, the Nigerian terrorist network,
Tony Blair has said.
The Trojan Horse ‘plot’ to bring hardline practices into Birmingham classrooms is part of a global extremist movement stretching from Britain to Africa to the Far East, the former Prime Minister claimed.
Six Birmingham schools are in special measures after the education watchdog found they had fallen into the hands of bullying governors who had sought to narrow the curriculum and exclude non-Muslim pupils.
Look in the classrooms of the new “free” state-funded primary schools, for example, and you will find a higher proportion of pupils come from an Asian background (35%) than a white British heritage (32%)……………
Reading the EFA review, it appears almost that the Muslim ethos of a school is evidence of “extremism”. The loudspeakers which broadcast the call to prayer, the fact that 80% of girls were wearing white headscarves, the school fundraiser for Syria – even though these were not necessarily a cause for concern in themselves, they were listed under a heading that suggested the Park View Trust schools were not doing enough to promote community cohesion.
It is vital that we make this distinction between religion on the one hand, and political ideology on the other. Time and again, people equate the two,”
Worrying to the British government is the number of ” British Muslims” who are now becoming “home grown terrorists”
A lethal new class of British jihadi: Second fanatic in ISIS recruitment video went to same Cardiff college as the first and once dreamed of becoming prime minister. Now he says: ‘Muslims who don’t join us will die a painful death’
Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2664668/A-lethal-new-class-British-jihadi-Second-fanatic-ISIS-recruitment-video-went-Cardiff-school-dreamed-prime-minister-Now-says-Muslims-dont-join-die-painful-death.html#ixzz35fm4ZgZy
TO BE CONTINUED…..
Living in this , Lorain’s oldest neighborhood, I have watched the deterioration as bank dumped foreclosures were passed around and on and on until as perfectly reasonable homes that were built with pride are left abandoned to their fate.
No longer, are they the homes they once were in this neighborhood but now a commodity , to be used and abused until they are no longer worth anything.
Some of our home-grown banks are the biggest culprits
AHHHHH!!!!, yes! that house- the Wurmser House – the house of mystery , the house on the “historical inventory register” . You can read all about the “history mystery” of that house here
Let us look at what happened after the tornado- when Wurmser
Henry Oswald Wurmser was a respected architect in Lorain and renowned throughout the state. He was responsible for designing many churches, businesses and residences.
and gained another -the current featured front page news and “poster child ” for the realtors, banks and landlords……
You see this house , like so many others passed from “pride of home to Mr. Wurmser” ( the probably date for this house is after 1924) and his family , a sale or two ( without Point of Sale of course ) a couple of foreclosures more purchasers who lost until what we have now !
from the MJ article
It appeared the home at 1348 W. Erie Ave. could have an escrow amount that is more than the house is worth.
The home is owned by the Federal National Mortgage Association, commonly known as Fannie Mae.
Oh dear Fannie Mae- well Fannie and her buddy Freddy have caused a lot of “bad happenings with the 2008 sub prime mortgages (MORT old English for “death”) and we can certainly GAGE that with Fannie and the banks.
In the years before the crisis, the behavior of lenders changed dramatically. Lenders offered more and more loans to higher-risk borrowers, including undocumented immigrants. Lending standards deteriorated particularly between 2004 and 2007, as the government-sponsored enterprise (GSE) mortgage market share (i.e. the share of Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac, which specialized in conventional, conforming, non-subprime mortgages) declined and private securitizers share grew, rising to more than half of mortgage securitizations.
And another one bites the dust in Lorain and you can see the drooling of the realtors to find the “bone of contention” as proof point of sale isn’t working –
NOTE: I would like to point out the homes in the article have been empty and for sale for a few years BEFORE the January 1st Point of Sale Lorain came into being- couldn’t sell them then either could you?
“It’s not wonderful in any sense of the imagination,” Myers said. “We have properties we can just not sell now. Everybody just walks away because nobody wants to put that kind of money in a house in Lorain.”
IN LORAIN – or just in Lorain’s oldest neighborhoods????
You see Point of Sale “isn’t about this Lorain’s oldest neighborhood or even Ward two and the areas that have deteriorated from homes that held families once upon a time and now hold vagrants, vermin and are the shopping places for copper!
THE POINT of point of sale is to stop in the rest of Lorain, that hasn’t experienced yet the bank dumps and slip shod workmanship as these house are passed around between property pimps from happening in Lorain’s other neighborhoods .
The rot has to stop somewhere - painful as it is and then just maybe the tale of 3620 Clinton won’t be coming to your ward!
Lisa wrote about 3620 Clifton January 13th of 2013
In that article, it was mentioned that the owners of one of the houses on the demolition list were given a second chance to make repairs. Even though it was noted by Demolition Board member, 5th ward Councilman, and neighborhood resident Eddie Edwards that “Before the sale, the house sat empty for about five years, with its doors and windows open and generally falling apart…” and “The new owners also waited a year before taking action to repair it…” AND the Board went out to see this house for themselves AND took the Fire Chief with them AND talked to the unhappy neighbors – the owners have $17,000 and a plan and that was enough for the Board to grant them a second chance.
“According to this article, “…owners of 3620 Clifton Ave. will get another five weeks to make repairs to that South Lorain home. For a second week, the condition of the structure sparked the most discussion in the demolition appeals board meeting.”
Demolition Board of Appeals meetings are held during the week and are impossible for me to attend. At the meeting held February 28, 2013, the owners were given another month to continue their work on the property. They were granted this extra time because they had roofed and secured the house, plus cleaned up the yard. [
So here we are ONE YEAR and Three Months later and the flip is apparently a flop…..(
No point of sale when this property was purchased….. the house is still “curvy “, “sagging” and not so cute , no electricity and obviously no tenants except of the groundhogs.
POS is not to make these old neighborhoods better it basically is to stop Lorain’s newer neighborhoods from deteriorating as we have done.
Let us look at the history of the other houses mentioned in the article from the POS Morning Journal
• 1502 New Mexico Ave. has an escrow amount of $40,500; the auditor’s office valuation of the house is $36,000.
There we have it out of the 4 highest escrow accounts 2 are owned by the “mortgage holders” ( which brings to mind poor business practices of the sub prime) and one non-profit agency.
As they say the rest of the story!!!!!
ATTENTION! Fellow taxpayer, you who are busy trying to earn a few sheckles in this rust belt of an economy , you who did your civic duty and voted in Judges and Commissioners and trusted them to “do due diligence” to the task appointed by your vote. We are seeing our hard-earned money spent on “attorneys” because the Judicial System and the ( County) Executive Branch cannot communicate.
The Court of Common Pleas, the only trial court created by the Ohio Constitution, is established by Article IV, Section 1, of the Constitution, and its duties are outlined in Article IV, Section 4.
Missing: mission statement
with the Administrative ( Executive Branch) Lorain County Board of Commissioners ( whose mission statement also couldn’t be found as it kept coming up “error”.)
Not a good sign fellow taxpayers… Mission Impossible...
So let us see how this works- we are of course seeing our money go out of the county to Cuyahoga and to Subodh Chandra- Chandra has benefitted from the Lorain City and Lorain County squabbles big time-
We ,the taxpayers, have poured money into his pockets. The Commissioners helped Mark Stewart to get the situation out of common sense and into to Chandra CENTS.
But hey! Chandra persevered and finally The city of Lorain caved. Of course the poor old city taxpayers were hamstrung you see our Cuyahoga attorney Anthony Calabrese was involved in another aspect of the judicial system.
Calabrese’s former law firm, Vorys, Sater, Seymour and Pease agreed to pay a $3 million settlement to the city of Lorain, which had employed Calabrese and the firm during the years of corrupt activity. The Lorain City Council on Monday approved the deal, contained in a 10-page ordinance titled “settlement and mutual release agreement.”
The agreement “will be a great benefit to the city,” the ordinance read, “and the delay of lengthy litigation resolved amicably without delay to the benefit of the city of Lorain.”The $3 million will be made in two equal payments due Dec. 20 and Jan. 10, according to terms of the settlement.
We did get some of our money back with a settlement ( figured out by other attorneys and paying them a fee) so all was not lost – just reputations smeared, spin, hard feelings and confusion still reigns as to the CRA.
But Chandra is on course for the race to who will give in first. His methodology is quite simple -
One he uses his contacts in the Plain Dealer and Cleveland news outlets to tell the tale- http://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2008/03/17/hear-ye-hear-ye-all-rise-the-right-hon-public-opinion-presiding/
The headlines cause shock and awe – he then will use those same slanted until they tip over ” news” stories as part of his arguments in court.
That is what he does, and it has started - in fact the TAXPAYER is taken to task in the first volley found here:
Lorain County’s worst public building is no place for probation officers: “Hey, Taxpayer!” with Mark Naymik
I was unable to access parts of the building documented by a photographer hired by Chandra.
and to further add insult to injury
It’s hard to believe spending a quarter of million dollars will produce a cost-effective, long-term solution in a building that needs so much. Taxpayers deserve a better option.
errr excuse me Mark – we, the taxpayer, aren’t given any options – we just cough up the money and choke…… and according to Channel 3 we, the taxpayer, keep a filthy house, errrrrr last time I looked we paid for maintenance and janitors- what happened??? But great spin Chandra we got our monies worth on that one!
The county house of filth
“Because the county too- seemingly only keep records of monies paid to Chandra and Co- not the driving to and from meetings ( although Chandra does – he counts it in his invoices to us -the taxpayer- ( through the real estate account in the County coffers- He counts his hours and what it costs for him and what it cost for his assistant.) but apparently county government doesn’t. So I guess to get a true accounting of what it is costing I should ask Chandra he may have a better idea”
Now fellow combatants, since we will be paying for Cha- Ching Chandra and the opposing counsel, one would only hope the Commissioners find an attorney ( not of the character of Calabrese)
http://amlawdaily.typepad.com/amlawdaily/2011/09/arntsen-calabrese.html who can take on Chandra.
OH! OH! WHAT AM I THINKING- WE ARE PAYING FOR HIM/HER TOO!
Therefore , if that law firm is any good this could go well past a million dollar mark, wonder if they have media contacts they can use. Maybe the taxpayer could sell tickets to this Comedy of Errors and recoup some of the money spent by our “employees“.
So , the upshot is no matter how this turns out – we the taxpayer lose and the only thing we can do is remember how much those that started the Chandra Ball rolling as they fired the first “legal” salvo and spent the first dime of our money – at election time -
THEY SPENT NOT WISELY BUT TOO WELL!!!!!!
NOTE: And whilst I am telling it to the Judge- Please judges – try to refrain from those probation sentences , help ease the workload for the probation department and maybe I wouldn’t have 82 in my neighborhood and 270 in the county!
Before I met my “Yank”- because north – south-east or west all Americans were “Yanks” in the British vernacular.
I spent an interesting couple of years being a “Temp” for the fashion and also the recording industry in London. This meant I got to meet and “party” with a lot of the people who made it in those industries and some that didn’t. I dated one chap ( not for long ) who was the event co-ordinator for EMI Records -
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/EMI- which meant a lot of parties, concerts and events.
At one party, I sat on the stairs of the ‘house” with Ray Davies of the Kinks -
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Kinks who I must admit was talking a load of rubbish and I was soon bored . I believe that is the last time I went out with the EMI chap ;)I had met this “Yank”!
So what has the Kinks, Ray Davies and culture got to do with what has happened in my life since locating and the subsequent pain and angst caused by the Italian- Polish Roman Catholics of control? http://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2014/06/15/kink-s-in-fathers-day-best-of-british-pt-one/
We have to go back in time once more – to my decision to marry my Yank- although I expected him to stay in England – he wished to go home as he knew and felt comfortable with being able to find employment in his country – he never was culturally comfortable in London-( apart from his love of the pubs) he hated the weather and preferred small town USA. He would , is where he was culturally formed and grew up.
I, on the other hand loved London, the big city sights and sounds, the transportation , trains, ferries – I could go to Europe for a week, the access to the English countryside, the lovely old world pubs and especially the food.
I had also lived in the equivalent of small town USA – Canadian style- for about 8 years until I was 15 so the reasoning was it wouldn’t be such a culture shock for myself to go the USA. I have to admit I thought of Boston, New York when I thought of the USA not Midwest America.
The clincher was my mother who said ( old school that she was )-
you have to follow your husband- that is how it is done when you marry
– and my father saying
“Loraine , one thing you have to remember is that you are going to his country, you must make the effort to acclimatize yourself to that way of life, be involved in their lifestyle and community. Do not make the mistake of comparing England with the USA learn the American Ways”
When my husband to be and I filled with the USAF the necessary paper work ( due partly to his security clearance at the time) I was investigated, interviewed ( I had been to Czechoslovakia which was a “red flag” ) had every aspect of my life scrutinized as well as my mum and dad. The shock on the face when meeting with one interviewer when this 19-year-old stated -she would like the investigated history of her fiancée as well was priceless. That didn’t happen, which was a shame because had I known then what I know now my husband would be speaking with an English accent ;)
and oppressive heat that July – I knew I was in trouble. I felt I had been picked up and dumped into a completely strange world. I hated every moment. My husband, comfortable in his world, could not understand my loneliness, my feeling of being trapped and isolated. There was no public transportation, , nowhere to go that I could walk to , where was the theatre, the discussions on world events. honestly I don’t think his family even knew there was a world outside the USA or even Ohio. I was totally dependent on strangers – even though we spoke the same language, I was drowning – terribly unhappy .
Getting employment was not that easy as the love of my life refused to work in a factory ( The Ford plant at the time) and take his coffee breaks by the bell. He was on a greyhound bus ( there apparently was one running between Sandusky and Cleveland) . He was on that bus as we had not yet been able to purchase a vehicle when to bus broke down in Lorain!
To be continued………
It has been week of homesickness, not only for the country of my birth- England, but for my traditional values and a culture that still remain such an integral part of who I am. My cousin, has been visiting the old days, the family stories pulled out again , and laughter- something that I have not had too much of since losing my son.
I feel trapped by the values of others, I feel trapped by the thinking of the majority or those that have the power of the rules. It amazes me sometimes how this my new “hometown” has , by the sheer majority of religious beliefs and ethnic values” so differing for my own, has caused such unhappiness to this family.
Of course, I am talking about the Italian/ Polish religious community headed by Father Divis ( read Roman Catholic of St. Mary’s Lorain ) and we can do whatever we wish to do because thinking of the Lombardi Vyka Clan ( and now the Angela Murphy) control.
My son’s remains trapped in their toxic ground – without benefit of family . Of course Angela Lombardi Ritchey Murphy http://my.clevelandclinic.org/staff_directory/staff_display.aspx?DoctorID=16147
has moved on – dumped the possessions( that were not of any monetary value) and art work of my son- as soon as she could – after our Chris’s death but held onto those ashes. Why? she was done with Chris after the 2nd stem cell transplant failed- the show -put on was good for the “community” and they did it well! But never the less it was a show – Does she still require that “grave” place for the depositing of vodka , beer cans, cake and balloons?
I am amazed at the thinking – how does a woman profess to be a healer and turn around with such coldness and callousness of control as to deny a father his son in the darkest hour of any parent’s life?
I would ask any father, any mother reading this to look at your son or your daughter, imagine the horror of helplessly standing by watching them fight for each breath , nursing them every day of those last months of life, watching them die , having information kept from you by the “in law family, helpless and then have your flesh and blood and the last vestige of your child taken without your input or any consideration as to your wishes. Look at your son or daughter , try to imagine the pain and grief at losing them and you tell me tell me what these people did was right-
to put your son in a cemetery of their faith without you even being told they were doing so- and now of course “their moving on” Sue Lombardi , Tim Lombardi now mother and father in law to another Chris ( Murphy) – the do over wedding –
and all is forgotten but as long as my son remains in that place of disrespect- I will not forget.
We tip toe around the edges of Fathers Day- whilst his daughter tries so hard to be both of his children- the fact her brother is no longer here to share the breakfast at McDonald’s ( a tradition started when they were both little) . There is always the reminder Chris -
There is a tenaciousness being British- we don’t as a true Brit ever give up- I am not sure that is a good trait- so much easier to go with the flow- give in to the majority of put it away, move on, forget it, nothing we can do apathy , why try you are in the minority, thinking that pervades this community. But apart from being British I am also a mother and I carry my son in my heart and soul and his DNA in my body! Emotionally and physically he is with me still and always will be.
The waste of trying to make a difference lost on the “altars” of those who have the power.
So another Fathers Day- another reminder of wonder at the children given life- and another reminder of a death and a cruelty given to a Father who loved unconditionally.
To be continued
I am not sure what I am supposed to be feeling – Today at noon there was a wedding – all the hoopla and happiness that goes with it ……. The wedding of Angela Marie Lombardi Ritchey( Murphy)
to another Chris , Christopher Murphy.
lets dress him in his blue shirt and silver tie in the coffin,
and wanting so much to have his coffin at the funeral home to decorate,
is in her element I am sure decorating and dressing having hair and make up done and the whitening of the teeth……
In the normal way of things – had that family not caused so much pain , distress and ugliness as my son died – I would have wished the “daughter in law” well. But that wasn’t to be – Instead I wonder as she walks down the aisle at St. Johns -making further promises – whether she will remember a young man with a winning smile and a naivety as to what that family would do to his … ………. so I wish them “conscience” ………………………
Yes I am angry and bitter- they took our son , caused so much pain to his family by doing so – and there his remains – remain…. it was a despicable callous and
cruel act in the worst time any parent or sister could have .. by those that once again get on their knees and make promises in a well decorated church celebrating “love”—- they know not the meaning of the word.
I have become a hoarder of memories………..
T.s. Eliot;Andrew Lloyd Webber;Trevor Nunn
I sang that particular number, once a upon a time, in my days of theatre. I always identified with the lyrics – even more so now that my son has become a fading memory to the majority . The lines in bold – hold for me – a meaning of my life as morning dawns.
Not a sound from the pavement
Has the moon lost her memory?
She is smiling alone In the lamplight
The withered leaves collect at my feet
And the wind begins to moan
All alone in the moonlight
I can smile at the old days
I was beautiful then
The time I knew what happiness was
Let the memory live again
Every street lamp
Seems to beat a fatalistic warning
Someone mutters and the street lamp flutters
And soon it will be morning
I must wait for the sunrise
I must think of a new life
And I mustn’t give in
When the dawn comes
Tonight will be a memory too
And a new day will begin
Burnt out ends of smoky days
The stale cold smell of morning A street lamp dies, another night is over
Another day is dawning
It’s so easy to leave me
All alone with my memory
Of my days in the sun
If you touch me
You’ll understand what happiness is Look, a new day has begun
Some times I wish I had selective Alzheimer’s so that certain people and the cruelty of those days are lost.
As my own memories have become more about my life today, I have discovered I have an affinity with others and how precious their memories are and were.
How I wish I could ask my grandmothers more about the stories they used to tell, how I wished I had paid more attention , how I wished I had asked about their mothers, fathers and grandmothers as they “remembered.
I did have my mum write her memories down- but mum being mum wouldn’t write about the scandals of the day and to me the “more interesting” memories of “naughty stuff”. She has stored those way back in her attic memory and refuses to let me in…..
To Be continued …………….