February 3rd – Impervious – Chris Ritchey

Self Portrait – Christopher Ritchey

Oh she’s back! or glad to see you are getting on with life and moving forward-

the comments made as I write on this blog about “happenings ” other than you, my son. I meet their words with a watery smile- not that they notice – they- for the most part, the people are relieved . I may no longer make them uncomfortable as has been my presence in their community. They can relax , can forget and move on dealing with life and all its facets without having to acknowledge the pain of grief of one who moves within their circle.

It is an enigma really – for the most part people think your death ,the crippling grief and the missing of you “enters ” the life I live and we all live. They, not having lost their son or daughter , usually feel as time goes on the world of grief will enter my life less and less as days become weeks, months and now years – . They, the lucky ones, know not time stopped that December day, the very moment in time when your heart stopped.

it will get better- time heals

such is the belief – but actually that is not what happens – it is in fact, for me at least, the other way round- life enters my world of grief – flashes in and out and the robot, that is me, does her best to carry on . Those who watch are relieved feeling I am “finally” dealing with my grief– but in fact I am dealing with my“left over” life( and not too well) but well enough to get by.

You are in my world- waking and sleeping. I awoke the other morning having written the following in my dream: Not the best poem in the world no matter which world but it is my world a world where I still see your face before me .
Mask-Mist – Chris Ritchey

Impervious Defined:

Impervious – laughter
Impervious- sunshine
Impervious- life
Impervious- death
Impervious- war
Impervious- weather
Impervious- man and womankind
Impervious- troubles
Impervious- health
Impervious- sanity
Impervious- criticism
Impervious- society
Impervious- hope
Impervious- forgiveness
Impervious- religion
Impervious- changing seasons
Impervious- time
Impervious- caring

Impervious- ME – I am impervious

The DNA – The normalcy of those that have lost- A study in “kind” –

Artwork Source- Chris Ritchey BFA

It has been one of those weeks- the more that normal life situations have been part of my day – the worse my grief. I know that will only make sense to some who walk my path.

Losing Chris , the trauma of day after day of watching him have his world crushed and the riding the wave of hope, the days and nights of watching him fade and fight and standing by helpless are burned into my brain and my heart.

I am inadequate to deal with “normal” – I long to escape the pain, the images that swirl in my brain waking and sleeping , the cruelty of cancer
https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2009/12/16/wild-horses-chris-ritchey/

and the cruelty of people
https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2012/06/07/a-memory-of-vipers-chris-ritchey/

have taken such a toll. I don’t know who I am anymore so as once again I pace the house and watch the sunrise on another day of “trying to cope” – the normal……..

There was a study sent to me by one who walks my way- click on the jpg to enlarge and you can find the full PDF file here Article from Psych Medicine

ARTICLE FROM PSYCH MEDICINE

And this morning another study along the lines of one that had also been sent to me a few weeks ago:

Why having a son puts a woman in a new frame of mind: DNA can pass into body from foetus before reaching brain
Cells pass into mother’s body before making it to brain
Male DNA may linger there for decades, scientists say
Study in journal by cancer research centre in Seattle

href=”http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2209176/Seattle-cancer-study-DNA-pass-womans-body-foetus-reaching-brain.html

Hard- Graphics Design – Chris Ritchey

You see we try, those that have lost , those that have endured the daily torture of watching our children and their life slowly leaving them.

We try, we look for reasons why we aren’t

” moving on- getting on with life “

We try to find reasons why we see the sunrise and our children don’t.

We try not to make others uncomfortable in our presence.

We try to “be”- and we reach out to one another to find the kinship of those that understand, those that know the language of grief of losing your child minute by excruciating minute for weeks on end.

And as much as we try – we still walk the nights, dread the days and TRY our damnedest make it through another day. That is our “normal” AND IT IS SO BLOODY HARD

From the Center for Loss and Trauma
Dr. Joanne Cacciatore

http://www.drjoanne.blogspot.com/2012/09/recipe-for-raw-grief.html

APA = ( Love plus Grief )plus 2months = MDD= $?

ED NOTE: UPDATE FROM -MAD IN AMERICA
– a very worthwhile read
http://www.madinamerica.com/2012/05/crazy-mother-proposes-new-diagnostic-category/

I think Dr. Joanne Cacciatore said it best in her Mother’s Day post of 2012

http://drjoanne.blogspot.com/2012/05/nobility-of-grief-and-weirdness.html

Mother’s Day 2012 is arriving.
With its arrival also the heralding of deepened grief and longing for countless bereaved mothers around the world.

These are mothers who, even decades after the deaths of their children, will weep for their beloved when they are alone- will pace the floors of their homes as their hearts literally ache in their chests- will still negotiate for their children’s lives – will grasp at something, anything in which to believe- and would sacrifice all they are for their children who died.

Grief is not a disease, it is not mental illness, it is not depression. It is, in fact, an expression of love. Grief can only be a disease if love is.”

What is Love??????

My son and I , when he was having doubts as to continuing his relationship with his soon to be wife, discussed love at length for hours one evening .
His question to me that night

what is love and how do you know you really love someone????? –

We discussed love, types of love and all its facets. Since Chris’s death I have learned something I did not know about love I do know, now , a mother’s love for her child does not die, does not lessen. A mother does not put the love and loss away to bring it out occasionally. The love is always there and undying love is the definition.

SOURCE-http://www.fogcityjournal.com/wordpress/3217/is-the-american-psychiatric-association-in-bed-with-big-pharma/
The American Psychiatric Association has been diagnosing those parents who grieve desiring them meet a love/grief litmus time test in order to enable the Major Depressive Disorder label.

https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2012/03/20/a-parents-grief-apa-diagnosis-you-are-mentally-ill/
have apparently failed a few tests of their own – from the Huffington Post.

Newsflash from APA Meeting: DSM-5 Has Flunked Its Reliability Tests- by Allen Frances
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/allen-frances/dsm-5-reliability-tests_b_1490857.html

I am one of the ones that have been vocal and as honest as I can be about how this loss of my son, Chris, and this terrible journey, which stops time. Once before my “love” of my son was negated and called into question as I grieved for him . I explored the “note of narcissism” (my own diagnosis of this particular“good Dr.”) in the first Mother’s Day after the death of my son.
https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2010/05/06/mothers-day-what-degree-a-mothers-love-and-who-decides/

I was the recipient of a “note” last month from Dr. Angela Marie (Lombardi) Ritchey DO , it was meant ( in my opinion ) to cause me pain as Chris’ mother. The “note” came through the “mail drop” of my dead son’s belongings– how thoughtful was that? I am not sure why or what purpose she hoped to serve. Her particular mindset is not MY worry.

There was one sentence though that has caused me to ponder the meaning both from the usage of the English language but also the words “your intense love”
The whole sentence reads:“I think your intense love for Chris shielded you from getting to know who he completely was.

I explored that sentence in the rest of the post that Mother’s Day 2010 and ended the post with the following :

What , I wonder, was her “base line” for the definition of my “INTENSE love” I can only wonder if what seems natural to those that love and receive love unconditionally is not always understood by those who may not have had that experience.

What degree a mother’s love and should it be decided and negated by one who has never experienced it?

Cartoon Source http://www.myshrink.com/questions-medications.php

And now other “medical professionals”, those of the “American Psychiatric Association”, seem hell-bent on classifying me and others like me as in dire need of being “fixed” few days/weeks after losing love to death ( to be paid for by insurances etc ). Are we the untapped consumer source?

http://www.drjoanne.blogspot.com/2012/03/relativity-applies-to-physics-not.html

We should not, ethically or morally, medicalize grief. To do so is to medicalize love. We rarely mourn for that which we do not love

The Touch- Chris Ritchey

Should not the APA just medicate – just eradicate -“Love” because that is the underlying emotion that is the cause of the “afflicton” of all of we who grieve and are then classified MDD. You see Joanne is right those that don’t love don’t grieve- simple fix – get rid of love!

But to those that love and grieve be careful as to the path you choose because being diagnosed MDD can cause a ripple effect that may cause you to be even more depressed as to the consequences of such a diagnosis:

Because a person can be denied private health and life insurance if he or she has been diagnosed with a mental disorder;

Because parents who have been diagnosed with a mental disorder can lose custody of their children;

Because individuals diagnosed with mental disorders can lose opportunities for jobs and often suffer the effects of global discrimination;

Because a diagnosis of a mental disorder stays in your records, despite the fact that many clinicians may not disclose this;

and some of those drugs can be dangerous too –
https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2012/04/24/the-good-dr-drugs-trust-selling-of-hope-part-3/

may well up your chances of suicidal tendency..( although the warnings for increased suicidal tendencies in children and adolescents remain- apparently it is perfectly safe, so they say, for those that are depressed as an adult) I wonder why that is ? could it be that after the first warning labels appeared apparently sales dropped significantly enough for it to make CNN

http://money.cnn.com/2006/01/04/news/companies/antidepressants/index.htm

Should investors forget about the antidepressants? Perhaps the market — estimated at $10 billion — has reached capacity. But how can 19 million depressed Americans possibly be wrong?

“Any antidepressant drug ends up being a $2 billion drug at least, but we’ve seen the depression market really slow down,” said Jon LeCroy, analyst for Natexis Bleichroeder. Antidepressant sales grew just 3 percent in 2005, said LeCroy, down from 4 percent growth in 2004 and 5.5 percent in 2003. “It’s a big, [but] lackluster market,” he said.

http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/databriefs/db76.htm

ERRRRRRRRR hang on a minute isn’t that the very thing we are trying to CURE… depression and suicidal tendencies???? …

Show me the money and I will show you the reason for the classification of MDD by the APA – of course I would probably be “pigeon holed” diagnosed with paranoia tendencies due to my “grief” and lacking rational thought–

So what do you think? does “classifying yet a another group as MDD” therefore enabling more drugs and insurance payouts benefitting the drug companies. help those that grieve for their child or help “the BOTTOM LINE” ???????