The sharing of ones grief

December 10, 2009 at 1:43 pm 12 comments

Some may find my public sharing of my desperate grief puzzling. And it is a grief of desperation.. I have lost one that was “one of my reasons for being”

It is the way I am dealing or trying to deal with a multitude of thoughts and emotions that are tearing at my soul and physical being. Writing has always been my way. Truth in my writing has also been my way and the truth is that death is not wrapped up in “niceties” –

It has been a week since my son left us with a pain that will not lessen but seems to magnify with each passing day.

The thoughts, comments and cards that are coming in by the hundreds – the expressions of caring from those that knew Chris – enjoyed him – laughed with him – only confirm that we have lost someone who was not only loved and special to his family but to countless others. Thank you and know that Chris fought with all his great strength o f heart and character and yes anger to stay with us…… Loraine

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Entry filed under: Blogging, Chris Ritchey, men of substance. Tags: , , .

The “Bear-ing” up in an unreal reality Two sides- one published – one denied

12 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Kelly Boyer Sagert  |  December 10, 2009 at 5:17 pm

    Chris was well loved, without question, and the responses you’re receiving validates what you already knew — that he was a wonderful human being.

    If writing is what helps you make sense of his death, then that’s exactly what you should be doing.

  • 2. Kelly Boyer Sagert  |  December 10, 2009 at 5:17 pm

    (validate, not validates . . . but you already knew that, too . . .)

  • 3. Loraine Ritchey  |  December 10, 2009 at 5:34 pm

    Thanks Kelly , I am not sure anything makes sense at the moment ….fate or whomever deals the cards gave Chris the cruelest of hands .the curable cancer, the hope of the marvels of medicine…the best hospitals..double stem cells transplants three times to be told the cancer was gone and then to have the “flu” and the daily ups and positive news on almost an hoursly basis only to be followed with the negative…it was a wicked wicked few months in the game that is life…..- I have had messages from all over the world from people Chris played soccer with, communicated with , attended college with …. some I didn’t know just through conversations or a brief mention..

  • 4. Kelly Boyer Sagert  |  December 10, 2009 at 5:37 pm

    It all does seem utterly senseless. I wouldn’t suggest otherwise.

    Still, there is something urging you to put his life in context and I think that’s the writer in you. That’s what I’m encouraging you to do, to celebrate all of the wonderfulness of Chris that you know — and have always known — and that others are sharing, as well.

  • 5. Loraine Ritchey  |  December 10, 2009 at 6:09 pm

    Thanks Kelly – I have to trust my gut – it is a pitty I couldn’t get others to trust it at times..but time for that later. I wanted to document the successful treatment of HL ( not to be) that Chris went through .the stem cell transplants in laymans terms and from my perspective as I found when trying to find answers myself the terms confusiing the protocol and journey confusing…. I thought it might help others facing this “Obscenity” and even what happened with the SGN 35 trial and then the H1N1…as there are people still struggling agains tall odds…..I wanted to wait until Chris was well and strong and I could do it justice…..

    Chris understood my need to document and write the journey we talked in great length about it in Texas .he understood my need to advocate and he knew my raw emotions needed an outlet….. just as he used his talent and also “his punching bag ” 🙂 in the basement to deal with things from time to time…… Loraine

  • 6. Kelly Boyer Sagert  |  December 10, 2009 at 6:13 pm

    Well, you still have learned plenty to help others, but it’s a matter of taking care of yourself first (please!). Then, only you can decide whether or not the bittersweet process of helping others when Chris wasn’t helped is something you can/want to do.

  • 7. Loraine Ritchey  |  December 10, 2009 at 6:27 pm

    I just don’t want any other mother to go through this without at least knowing what the steps in the process are…….. and maybe the Alpha and to Omega even the process of end.. there is certainly a journey there as well….. one I am still on…..

  • 8. Kelly Boyer Sagert  |  December 10, 2009 at 6:28 pm

    My prediction is that you will end up writing what will help other mothers, because that’s just the kind of person that you are . . .

  • 9. Chrisinmyheart  |  December 11, 2009 at 2:48 pm

    Your words bring me peace. I hope they also bring you peace. Please continue to tell of his brave journey.

  • 10. Mark  |  December 11, 2009 at 4:20 pm

    What would be puzzling, Loraine, is if you kept all of this bottled up. Letting the grief out, sharing his fight with those of us that followed his steps in the last 22 months, is cathartic for you, and informative for the rest of us.

    We didn’t hear from you for the longest time because of all that was going on. In that time, folks that never even met Chris (my kids, for example), were touched by his fight, and shed tears over his passing. Picture your writing about him now as taking all of us in your arms, and everyone hugging each other, and you telling us how bravely he fought, and about some of the lighter moments that were peppered throughout his fight. Something to make us smile or giggle a little bit through the tears.

    We’re here for you, Loraine, and our arms are open and waiting.

  • 11. Leigh Yingling  |  December 12, 2009 at 2:41 am

    I lost my best friend to the God awful disease of cancer. He was with his mother 100% of the time. I know what she went through, as my mother and I were there with her. The fight was more than any struggle could compare. Needles, pokes, hopes, dreams, wishes, fantasies, wonders, “what if’s”, and love! Focus on those that surrounded your son in the time of need, the time of love, the time that he KNEW! His dream, his hope, his goal was not to give up. If anything, I am sure the Chris would have fought through the bitter end. He had a beautiful, wonderful wife. He had a beautilful, wonderful family. Cherish those moments! A mother’s love is not challenged. A mother’s love is not in question. What would Chris have wanted? From the words spoken thus far, he wanted what he had right in front of him – every day, every journey – every inch – every injection – every hope – every minute and I am certain (20 years after my best friends death) that he would have never questioned the love his mother gave him. I am sure taht he would have never questioned the choices made before and after death, as they were his. He is in heaven. He is in peace. Believe me, as I sit here mourning, 20 years past – his rest will comfort you. The love for his entire family – inspired his breath, touched his soul – comforted him in time of of need. Whether you believe or not, God blessed Chris as an angel! His job is to now watch over those he loved and cared for deeply. Allow him to do this. Allow him to enter your life, through spirtit…peace only makes the heart stronger. My heart goes out to EVERYONE who watched over, loved, stayed in contact with, cherished, and took part in Chris’ life – cancer is nothing short of evil and those who are the strongest stand firm through the fight!

  • 12. thatwoman  |  December 12, 2009 at 4:02 am

    Thank you Leigh and you are correct and I would that I could share his peace and to say goodbye to my son and have closure however it seems that even that is now being taken from us……if the evil that is Cancer and the unfairness of the H1N1 virus wasn’t enough we now face a wicked cruelty that has been forced upon us in our time of great sorrow……..I will be more forthcoming in days to come.but for now our wounds have been reopened in the name of love…….

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