Christmas: The Day After- Chris- Miss- Christmas

December 25, 2009 at 10:02 pm 10 comments

The ghosts of Christmas past came to visit – happier times caught forever in the all-seeing eye of the camera:

A Christmas of a promise of love and sharing, that started the road of union.

A Christmas that was so happy , a promise and an engagement ring -a family celebrated -a young girl filled with expectation and excitement of a life to come.

Years passed , Christmases came and went – friends and laughter- no tragedy’s befell our Christmas time but then another special Christmas – a beautiful baby girl had her first Christmas – I can still remember the overwhelming happiness I felt as she was posed for her first Christmas tree picture . I remember thinking as clearly as if it was today

I don’t think I have ever felt so happy and fulfilled- or experienced such a feeling”

Nikki’s first Christmas

Then there came another Christmas, just two days before Christmas I found out that Santa would be bringing Nikki a gift of baby brother or sister. It was a lovely Christmas that year. My mum, flying in for the holidays from England , not quite understanding why she was given a pair of baby booties in her Christmas stocking was over joyed finally when she realized she would be a Nana once again.

The following Christmas I knew that total happiness could be enhanced and it was by the birth of my son, he shared Santa’s lap and started new traditions

Christmas Traditions old and new as our little family and our children grew. Oh ! there was the yearly Christmas tree fight and the needing of hot buttered rum to get my husband in the mood to “test” the lights.

But a brother and a sister shared, ran to malls and purchased gifts, giggled at some of the “old people’s sweaters” they received and Christmas money clutched tight would head off on shopping sprees on the 26th .

Another Christmas just a few years ago saw a wedding and more laughter and joy beneath the Christmas tree. Once again a brother stood with his family in love beneath the trappings of Christmas time .

And now we are in Christmas present.
It is a Christmas never to be forgotten – a baby’s first Christmas

combined with a the wrenching sadness and “missing” of another son and child .

Our traditions will change again. The ones shared by Chris’ family have to change – the familiar and old not giving comfort but underlining the terrible loss in our lives.

No more photographs

Self photo -Chris Ritchey

to remember his face as the years go by. Absent from the tree photos to come, absent from our table but not from our hearts.

Christmas Yet to Come

A “Chris Miss “ present will become part of Gavin’s traditions and we will smile at a baby’s antics as he discovers Christmas through the years.

However, no matter the laughter, presents and lights that surround us Christmas time will continue to remind us of Chris .

This Christmas Chris is probably part of another tradition, one of an extended family who have taken my son’s remains like thieves in the night and placed them in a graveyard ( not of his faith or inclination) -to be visited in pajamas by those of the extended family bearing goodness knows what on a Christmas morning.

It was not a tradition Chris held with – his anger at being asked to participate at last years ritual was met with annoyance by his bride.

“Things are going to change next year Chris , you will participate”

I guess a more prophetic statement would be hard to find.

His wishes and his voice was silenced by death and by selfishness.

This year as Christmas morning dawned I wondered

“are they dancing the pajama dance of death like some sort of macabre elves over the remains of my son….is he part of their “new tradition”?

My anger and disgust continues unabated by “good will and forgiveness”- as I watch what their “gift of lies and treachery” have done to those that are living through this “Chris Miss – Time “


Entry filed under: Chris Ritchey, Christmas, men of substance, personal opinion, weddings and funerals. Tags: , , , , .

CHRIS- MISS – TIME – Chris Ritchey Because I was “Gutless”

10 Comments Add your own

  • 1. dave cotton  |  December 26, 2009 at 9:22 pm

    I know it is easy to say, but hang on to those good memories and cherish them. Hold them close!!
    Wishing I could ease your pain . . .

  • 2. thatwoman  |  December 26, 2009 at 10:09 pm

    I wish I could Dave, I am trying to think of my son as he was before ..

    all things associated with his cancer and life in the last 22 months that have caused pain have literally been destroyed by fire ( something he would have loved as those of you that really knew Chris would know) i n the effort to cleanse …..

    but I spent the last 8 weeks of his life with him in Texas and at the Clnic almost 24/7 .. it is something that most mothers don’t get to do with their adult son. In Texas we talked , we laughed, me on a horse did more than bring a smile) we argued and we shared. …

    I watched his every heart beat and every breath he took. and fought for for days and I watched him die a little bit every hour and I watched what happened after he could no longer communicate and the indiginity forced upon him….

    I just can’t get those pictures out of my mind.and then the denial of his family and closure by those that had a what ????legal right but not the moral right.????… and the ripple effect that has had on this family ( which has caused health issues with his dad….we can’t even grieve in peace..

    It is hard to hold close the good times when the evil is so raw and new.

  • 3. Diane Wargo Medina  |  December 27, 2009 at 12:28 am

    Time will take the edge off, One of my neighbors I grew up with lost her two adult sons 6 months apart, it took her awhile, she said to me, and you never forget, and you are not suppose to… everybody grieves diffrently, in writing, in music in projects…when my husband lost his daughter, and she was dying, it was difficult, family stuck together, helped each other, in Pilars case she left behind 3 small children, and that has been a difficult road for us, and is still, after 11 years YOU are and your family not alone, though you may feel at ears will always listen Loraine, just give a yell.. Diane

  • 4. Loraine Ritchey  |  December 27, 2009 at 2:13 pm

    I know Diane and thank you – I just can’t believe that not only am I and my whole little family dealing with the loss of Chris which is so dibilitating in and of itself….

    but the wickeness perpetrated after his death visited upon us is the thing that I can’t get my head around and as the days and weeks are going by that doesn’t lessen it escalates.

    I had my husband passing out with grief and pain that this “other family” and my mother in such a state as she watched I didn’t know who to go to first……….. all I thought was do I call one or two rescue squads....this is what that cold cruelty of the decision made by the “committee of 19” has done to two decent and gentle people let alone to his sister and uncle by this “family” not of his name ……

    I haven’t heard of anyone who has expereinced such a situation as we are experiencing and done with such aplomb , ignorance and coldness to his real family in their time of such grief. … maybe people just don’t write about such things….. but as I said before “no more sugar coated truth” for me…. Loraine

  • […] Traditions so much a part of a family – ours have changed- In some respects I feel like the Grinch of 4th Street, as I watch neighbors and friends and the city lighting up the street with celebration and coloured lights twinkling- but I just can’t get into the celebration- I used to – […]

  • […] know Nag Nog and mummy have decided to break with old traditions they used to have and start some new ones for me- ( they say I am […]

  • […] Although in at least one room – Nana’s new living room at the top of the house- a little tree winks and blinks at the night outside the window. In fact we are referring to it as Santa’s grotto. Not all the animated Santa’s are out this year ( apparently some are still locked in an attic cupboard at the ” Kenny’s I just want to be happy house” . I missed some of them when moving her out. We would have had to downsize animated Santa’s anyway. My focus once again this year was finding the “Chris Miss” present for Gavin. […]

  • […] whose bucket list, she tells me is, she now want to learn to drive a car— errrrr well maybe Braedyn will have to teach her- he has mastered his Lightning McQueen ( Chris Miss- Christmas Present) […]

  • […] Gavin and his dad are looking to build a shed ,for all the boys ( vehicles) their Chris- Miss presents […]

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