Christmas: The Day After- Chris- Miss- Christmas
The ghosts of Christmas past came to visit – happier times caught forever in the all-seeing eye of the camera:
A Christmas of a promise of love and sharing, that started the road of union.
Years passed , Christmases came and went – friends and laughter- no tragedy’s befell our Christmas time but then another special Christmas – a beautiful baby girl had her first Christmas – I can still remember the overwhelming happiness I felt as she was posed for her first Christmas tree picture . I remember thinking as clearly as if it was today
” I don’t think I have ever felt so happy and fulfilled- or experienced such a feeling”
Nikki’s first Christmas
Then there came another Christmas, just two days before Christmas I found out that Santa would be bringing Nikki a gift of baby brother or sister. It was a lovely Christmas that year. My mum, flying in for the holidays from England , not quite understanding why she was given a pair of baby booties in her Christmas stocking was over joyed finally when she realized she would be a Nana once again.
Christmas Traditions old and new as our little family and our children grew. Oh ! there was the yearly Christmas tree fight and the needing of hot buttered rum to get my husband in the mood to “test” the lights.
But a brother and a sister shared, ran to malls and purchased gifts, giggled at some of the “old people’s sweaters” they received and Christmas money clutched tight would head off on shopping sprees on the 26th .
And now we are in Christmas present.
It is a Christmas never to be forgotten – a baby’s first Christmas
combined with a the wrenching sadness and “missing” of another son and child .
Our traditions will change again. The ones shared by Chris’ family have to change – the familiar and old not giving comfort but underlining the terrible loss in our lives.
to remember his face as the years go by. Absent from the tree photos to come, absent from our table but not from our hearts.
Christmas Yet to Come
A “Chris Miss “ present will become part of Gavin’s traditions and we will smile at a baby’s antics as he discovers Christmas through the years.
However, no matter the laughter, presents and lights that surround us Christmas time will continue to remind us of Chris .
This Christmas Chris is probably part of another tradition, one of an extended family who have taken my son’s remains like thieves in the night and placed them in a graveyard ( not of his faith or inclination) -to be visited in pajamas by those of the extended family bearing goodness knows what on a Christmas morning.
It was not a tradition Chris held with – his anger at being asked to participate at last years ritual was met with annoyance by his bride.
“Things are going to change next year Chris , you will participate”
I guess a more prophetic statement would be hard to find.
His wishes and his voice was silenced by death and by selfishness.
This year as Christmas morning dawned I wondered
“are they dancing the pajama dance of death like some sort of macabre elves over the remains of my son….is he part of their “new tradition”?
My anger and disgust continues unabated by “good will and forgiveness”- as I watch what their “gift of lies and treachery” have done to those that are living through this “Chris Miss – Time “