Dark Humour- shedding a light?

January 16, 2010 at 9:24 pm 11 comments

Theodore Gericault – “Insane Women”, 1822-1823.

I know some of my friends and acquaintances are becoming quite worried about me – especially considering this latest series. Let me assure you , apart from the physical and emotional pain of losing Chris. I am not yet ready for bedlam – there is a method in my current madness.

So for those who haven’t “twigged it” yet – I have taken a diversion from the main road of “In search of my Son – In search of Me” -whilst trying to give readers a “sound bite” of what you need to know before you make your wishes known. ( especially locally and in the USA).

I am, in fact, exploring my own reasoning for my current “despair” and to give some insight ,for those that care, as to why certain decisions have more than “creased this family with grief and doubt” . I am ticking the boxes of 2nd guessing one by one – SOURCE

Chris had an irreverent sense of humour ( just like his mothers actually) . In fact we even shocked our immediate family from time to time. My “search” and journey to confirm the “essence” we believe was Chris ( since I can no longer ask him ) has to rely on how he still speaks to those that loved him from the day of his birth. These very recent “quips” may give some further insight………

Whilst in Texas( end of October) a text came through from ” she who will remain nameless” with regard to the fundraiser– Chris was told that two funeral homes had donated- Chris turned to me and said :

“You think they are vying for my business?”

Also during his last hospital stay I noticed a chord around his neck ( it was bit like the soccer one he used to wear but a little different) . I hadn’t noticed it before so I thought

“This is a recent addition.??”

I asked “she who will remain nameless”

“What is he wearing on that chord around his neck, I haven’t seen that before?”

Her reply:

“Oh it is a “healing cross necklace” -but don’t worry Chris hasn’t all of a sudden turned Catholic”

I said

Oh! I thought it was ‘T’ FOR TEXAS !

( as of course Texas is where he got the good news that the SGN 35 was working and the Pet Scan showed clear)

Thats funny

( said she who will remain nameless)

When I gave it to him – Chris thought it stood for ‘T ‘FOR TUMOR

but it is a “Healing” cross.

Healing Cross – I can hear Chris saying , as clear as day in my head.

Well – shi*! that didn’t work either!!!!

So you see Chris never lost his irreverent sense of humour even through the Cancer and all that went with it . He was my Chris

and we are who we are……….

“Transatlantic survey of identical twins shows our taste for biting satire and withering one-liners is in the genes

A survey of more than 4,000 twins suggests that humour regarded as typically British – sarcasm and self-deprecation – is linked to genes found in British men and women, but not shared, for instance, by Americans.

and I will be visiting Chris’ humour later as I make the method of my madness clearer. In the meantime the next up in the series will be


Entry filed under: Chris Ritchey, humour dark and otherwise, journey, men of substance, personal opinion, tongue in cheek, weddings and funerals. Tags: , .

A Moonbeam request A Tisket – A Tasket – What Type of Casket?

11 Comments Add your own

  • 1. truth  |  January 16, 2010 at 11:37 pm

    Knowing the story behind the story (I work with Jim) and knowing all of the parties involved and have heard both sides, I’m totally with you in this (and, yes, I am a Catholic). I, myself, went through a similar situation with my brother when he was dying so I can truly relate. Keep on doing what you’re doing! This is what you need to do and you’re just telling a few home truths. I understand both backgrounds since I come from one side being Presbyterian and one side is Catholic and am more than familiar with both sets of traditions. I think of you and Chris daily and am keeping you both in my prayers. God Bless.

  • 2. Linda Peters  |  January 17, 2010 at 1:27 am

    Lorraine: I do not know where you are getting the strenght to do this, but everytime I read a new piece, I want to cry for you, hold up your head high and to hell with what other people think.

    Love Linda

  • 3. Loraine Ritchey  |  January 17, 2010 at 12:50 pm

    Linda , I would do anything for my son and my family if I say to you that last night my poor little mum “was in bits” fragmented with her grief but last night because of the ” after death experience” we have had thrust upon us.

    She cannot understand such people and she loved ” she who will remain nameless” and thought she was cared about in return…… (obviously not to do what she did to her)

    I am not exagerating. her pain … everyone in our little family is hurting badly..it comes in waves and I am determined to give some relief to them from at least 2nd guessing Chris….and to educate in some respects readers as to options…… because believe it or not the number of people that have written to me off the blog with their stories and pain … I am not alone in having such a hand dealt by selfishness , stupidy and bullying tatics. ( and let me add “holier than thou” attitude.. little angry this morning after seeing my mum crumble last night.

    My strength ( if that is what it is ) comes because I loved Chris with all my being as did and does his sister, father, nana and uncle .. we would have moved mountains if we could have and I KNOW he would have done the same for us Loraine

  • 4. thatwoman  |  January 17, 2010 at 12:58 pm

    This morning my house is surrounded by fog,…. through the window I can just make out the darker tree branches as the wind catches as lifts a small patch of clearing appears for just a second…… and that is my life at the moment I am going where the wind and wil is taking me … thank you for your support.. Jim is a good lad and a great son in law.lucked out with at least one “in law” 😉 Loraine

  • 5. truth  |  January 18, 2010 at 4:25 am

    Oh, I know how you feel. I go to that cemetery where they interred Chris. My brother is there and my husband and I have a plot there as do my parents. But our trips there are quiet, reverent and reflective. There’s is no decorating of the grave nor is there any celebrating of any kind. How can I celebrate something that ripped the very heart out of my father and mother? Even three years later, I go there and mourn. For myself, my parents, my children. I know that my brother is not in any pain any more and that he never saw what friends and family who supposedly loved him can do in the name of that so-called love. I wish I could say that your grief is going to ease even fractionally but I can’t. I have never lost a child so I can’t say. Your mum knew my grandparents and is truly a lovely sweet woman. A great burden has been placed on you in that you kind of have to hold it together for everyone else. It’s hard to be the strong one but that’s who you are and Chris knew that and counted on that! It wasn’t you who failed him!

  • 6. thatwoman  |  January 18, 2010 at 12:46 pm

    I did fail Chris …I should have thrown the fact that Chris was an organ donor back at ” she of the legal right” which was the
    reason” given.. I have the proof he was …( and that will also be forthcoming as I tick the boxes)

    .but it was a trade off I could fight one thing but not the other…..if SHE could lie to a family .have no compunction about calling the day after the memorial for a financial matter and yet not mention she was changing her mind…AND NOT ONE OF HER FAMILY or the priest could contact us with the reversal….

    , not her father for instance …. couldn’t have called and said .there is a problem. can we talk about this….OR EVEN FOLOW THROUGH WITH THE PROMISE TO JIM THAT HE WOULD LET HIM KNOW THE TIME OF THEY WERE DOING THE DEED Not one of Chris family were informed as to the time .”private burial ” indeed …..

    … NO they plotted and planned without any regard as to how their “decison” based on untruths would effect Chris family IN THE NAME LOVE AND HONOR! Absolutely disgust me !

    BUT I COULDN’T because Chris had yet to be cremated and I was petrified that “SHE” would change her mind on that too, ( because I checked and she could have – but I don’t think she knew that) thankfully so for three days this family held their breath.

    I watched my little mum fall to her knees in relief when I called to make sure Chris had been cremated…. and why is that so important .because “The committee” has a history of the type of casket and burial that welllllllll the t”isket a tasket what type of casket” will make it clear why I was so damned scared he would end up not only where he has with balloons etc. but more….

    No I failed Chris in more ways than one – I shouldn’t have been gutless

    And the time I did stand up to “the mother” we were no longer informed as to Chris condition. ( remember it is the wife they tell) and she had had him mioved to another ICU where they were unaware that I was on his paperwork as to the decision making.

    .. How would you like to go down to ICU and be told that your son …. who you thought was holding his own when you left to get some sleep for a couple of hours…. had had a heart attack , his organs were breaking down, and they had to paralized him… that information given by a perfect stranger , surprised that the “wife and family” hadn’t seen fit to inform me or his father of his sister who were literally in the hospital waiting .No I failed Chris in more ways than one…. but I won’t fail him again….. or my family …

  • 7. OMG  |  January 18, 2010 at 4:16 pm

    I cannot believe what is unfolding. How could any mother or father do this to those that have lost their son in such tragic circumstances?

    I don’t know these people personally, although I do know who they are and I am glad I don’t! I saw them standing stone -faced at the Funeral Home. Thank you for explaining why you were absent, I did wonder.

    Lorraine, you did not fail your son they did and they have failed too in common decency!

  • 8. truth  |  January 18, 2010 at 4:43 pm

    Lorraine, I’m telling you, YOU DID NOT FAIL YOUR SON! THEY FAILED CHRIS! Especially “she of the legal right”!

  • 9. thatwoman  |  January 18, 2010 at 5:04 pm

    Truth and OMG – thanks for the support. It feels like I failed because he is where he is in the ground where I KNOW he never wanted to be.. in that I failed…

    When people such as these are so “SURE” of what they believe is best and would even visit terrible hurt upon a grieving family in order to “carry out what they believe would “honor someone you loved” you do start 2nd guessing you own thoughts about your loved one. Did we really know him in the 27 years he was in this house…. maybe they saw a different Chris?

    Think about it they HAD to know that by their decision that we would be devasted and in pain.yet they did it anyway because they were so sure that is what would honor Chris and putting him first??????? starts you wondering …..did me at least .

    because I could never do what has been done to this family by these upstanding citizens of Lorain and the church, I couldn’t and wouldn’t do this to any mother, sister, father or nana or uncle in the name of “love”

    Ironically people who I have ripped on on this blog and who have ripped into me on occasion have actually sent cards and wishes, as even they have more compassion than those of the “extended family”. Funny that more honest emotions from my detractors than “in laws????” Loraine

  • 10. Absence of Laughter- Chris Ritchey « That Woman’s Weblog  |  November 18, 2010 at 7:16 pm

    […] as they delivered the oxygen. I so miss being happy and I miss you making me laugh – I miss your sense of humour irreverent as it was at times. I wish you could make us laugh out loud […]

  • […] Chris’s humour was sometimes dark and irreverent ( like mine) but he used his humour as described here […]

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January 2010

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