Archive for January 28, 2010

Dying of a Broken Heart????

Heart Hostage Sketch

There are a great number of hits on this blog lately directly due to heart pictures that have appeared previously ( the cause , I presume – upcoming Valentines Day ).

I have in recent weeks watched my husband as he literally chokes on his own emotion as caused by grief of losing Chris and the after events denying him his goodbye.

I know “choking on one’s emotions” to be a real phenomenon , one that I have never actually seen demonstrated so vividly before losing Chris. It isn’t pleasant and there isn’t any sort of “Heimlich Maneuver” that will help.

I have watched, if this makes any sense at all , a 91 year old “AGE .

I know now what being “rocked with grief “ means. I know how the body can rock back and forth trying to find comfort in that action , possibly reminiscent of being cradled in your mother’s arms.

Chris and Nikki from Nana’s Memory Ring ( forthcoming)

I have watched as my daughter , sure of her relationship with her brother and strong in her belief in love, kindness and compassion dissolve into self-doubt and 2nd guessing.


And I have felt the pain in my chest, it is like a tight band , a crushing and tightening , it interferes with breathing, as if something has stopped my lungs from filling with air, holding ones breath too long underwater is a similar sensation . Just when you think you will drown in the pain and grief you surface , an explosion of tears and sobs pulling you back from the depths, a relief but also knowing that you have also lost an opportunity to be released from the slow suffocation of sorrow that has become your world.

It is a peculiar sensation , because the part of the brain that is logical is wondering ,

What the hell is that noise ????

and is incredulous when it realizes that it is YOU!!!!! .

I can only say that it seems to be a safety valve , the part of the brain that deals with the mechanics overriding the part that deals with the emotions.

Can you die of a broken heart? Apparently Yes!

Takotsubo cardiomyopathy, also known as transient apical ballooning syndrome,[1] apical ballooning cardiomyopathy,[2] stress-induced cardiomyopathy, broken-heart-syndrome and simply stress cardiomyopathy, is a type of non-ischemic cardiomyopathy in which there is a sudden temporary weakening of the myocardium (the muscle of the heart). Because this weakening can be triggered by emotional stress, such as the death of a loved one, the condition is also known as broken heart syndrome. It has also been reported in cases of partial drowning. The presence of a trigger such as emotional or physical has been reported in 33% to 100% of the cases.

This version of a broken heart brought to you by “life” and “thoughtlessness, selfishness and control”

January 28, 2010 at 7:56 pm 2 comments



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January 2010