I relate to Marie Barone

February 4, 2010 at 9:19 pm 4 comments

As I mentioned in my “triggers” I can never watch Everybody loves Raymond ever again .

I really never watched it when it was a first run program. However, my son and daughter loved it and the family joke was I was indeed Marie Barone. Not ever having watched it I didn’t know to what they were referring.

Chris graduated from CIA and to save money , since his first year with Wyse Advertsing was an internship, he moved back home. Not that Chris ever really left – his first college experience was with LCCC he was here in this house. After transferring to CIA he lived in campus apartments but was home most weekends and all summer and holidays.

Chris didn’t leave this house until June of 2008 when he got married but he left everything here , which is why there are so many triggers in this house.

When Chris would come home from work in 2006-2007-2008 I would have his meal ready every night. I would eat with him and we got into the habit of watching the reruns of Everybody loves Raymond whilst eating.

Needless to say I soon found out why my offspring thought I resembled Marie – both in dress ( the basic black with a flowing bright top – the drama – caustic sense of right and wrong- and that she was an “over the top” mother . I immediately changed my hair colour- would have liked to lose the weight too but that doesn’t seem to happen .

I admit it I have always put my children first before anyone or anything else. I fought for them, I cherished them and loved them beyond words, even when they became adults and self sufficient. They truly were my reason for being .

Chris’ diagnosis hit me like a ton of bricks – I have never been so scared in my life and it seems I had good reason to be.

Everybody Loves Raymond became part of our lives, I would watch with him when I stayed in their Cleveland apartment , after he was married, to take care of him during the chemo treatments last January/ February and through the double stem cell transplants in March and May in the hospital and times in between . In actual fact I spent more time with Chris in the last months than I did at home .

In Texas his infusions were at the same time as the reruns. of Everybody Loves Raymond . Chris would lay there on the bed having the life giving poisons pumped into his body as we watched Marie and her family .

We laughed at Marie and he would say

Mum you really are Marie you know

– we laughed at her husband Frank and the episode where they meet the in laws –

” Please Lord keep this in law family away from me”-

to be honest it became my mantra – the few weeks and times ( engagement

NOTE: I wonder if “she who will remain nameless “ever knew that the whole “will you marry me?” the place ( Lorain Lighthouse) the set up , the organization, the boat, the jacalope- the whole thing was planned by myself and Nikki , right down to the champagne and roses.

and wedding ) that I had to deal with the “committee of control” drove me to distraction, but I shut up for Chris sake ,
All following the leader?????

One of the last things that Chris and I spoke about was my having had to put up with the gypsy caravan in the waiting room” – talk about “get a room!!!” ( because I did and you could get from the room in the hotel inside the clinic to Chris room in 5 minutes)
Intercontinental Hotel

Even the Clinic security made the “Mother of my Hell “ prove she wasn’t a homeless person camping out in the waiting room with sleeping bags , pillows and food .

I said to Chris after one particularly stressful evening

Oh ! Chris you owe me lunch for this

( having to put up with them and trying to keep my mouth shut – not an easy thing for me and Chris knew how hard it was 🙂 )

and a lobster lunch at that.

He smiled and moved his oxygen mask and said :

” keep them out of here and I will buy you dinner !”

Well I tried – the nurses in the ICU ( H22) tried but I was punished in the end- when I left the ICU ( he was moved to another ICU) on the Tuesday night into Wednesday morning with my daughter to get some rest in a “room” we were taken out of the “loop” of knowledge with regard to my son’s condition!

I had to find out from a physician ( who was shocked we hadn’t been informed ) that during the 4 hours that we were resting ( if you can call it resting) – the “extended family “ didn’t think it my place to be informed that MY SON, had had a heart attack, that is organs were breaking down and they had had to put him on a paralyzing medicine.

No one was told, not his sister , father no one…. all because I told the “Mother of my hell” to leave the ICU when none of us were allowed to be there. I was punished, Nikki was punished , we were all punished because I tried ( unsuccessfully) to put my son and his wishes first.

Think about that – how would you feel if this was you?

I watched my daughter laying on the hotel bed cradling her son in one arm and the cell phone in the other hand waiting for a text message from her sister in law ( which up until that night had been sent all through the night, especially if there was an episode- ) no messages came

We thought Chris was doing alright because they would have told us if things were deteriorating – I sent Nikki and Gavin home only to be told when I went to the ICU what had happened. Nikki had to turn around with the baby and drive back because her brother was “dying” .

I will never understand these “people”. How anyone could withhold such information from a mother, father, sister, Nana and Uncle and brother in law is to me incredulous. But I suppose since they also chose to deny our closure I shouldn’t be surprised at their thinking.

As Chris was taken off the vent, they put us in the room next door whilst they did the deed. The TV was on playing some country and western program, I couldn’t bear the thought of that happening whilst my son was breathing his last. I tried to turn it off- I couldn’t so the Father of my Hell” took the remote and tried to shut the TV off but just managed to switch the channel- the channel switched to Raymond and Marie having a discussion just as the nurse said that we could go back in to say goodbye to my son and my hope.

That was 9 weeks ago today ….and No! I can never watch Everybody Loves Raymond ever again !


Entry filed under: Chris Ritchey, death, Love, men of substance, personal opinion, weddings and funerals. Tags: , , .

Today the Third- is a Trigger CIA Scholarship – Chris Ritchey

4 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Mark  |  February 5, 2010 at 1:51 am

    Wow. Talk about the ‘family from hell’. There’s a special place in the afterlife for people that are as conniving and vindictive as that.

    And it’s not pleasant.

  • 2. thatwoman  |  February 5, 2010 at 11:13 am

    Mark I am sure they are absolutely dumfounded that I would find their behaviour so callous and cruel, people like that really believe they are in the right, and in my opinion their self rightous sanctimonious thinking has cost this family dearly.

    I am sorry Mark that I am finding a part of myself that isn’t what I want to be …. the anger I feel as I see what their selfish thinking has done to this family and Chris’ father and Nana in particular just makes my blood boil.. I watch it every day , I see the ripple effect ity has had and continues to have…( did they think honestly that I would accept and condone their deeds by going away into the night with my grief Anger is the only other emotion that gives some respite from my grief. The only laughter we have is found in Gavin our laughter and happiness left us on December 3rd. We are not “whole” and losing Chris has been made worse.as my mum says and keeps saying – this was so unnecessary and so wicked……

  • 3. Mark  |  February 5, 2010 at 2:59 pm

    “… I am finding a part of myself that isn’t what I want to be …. ”

    It happens to everyone, Loraine. To shut it out, to fail to deal with it just invites problems later in life.

    7+ years ago, some family swindled Mary and I, lied about it, and tore her family apart. They put us in a position I swore to myself I’d never let myself be in, and destroyed relationships among all of her siblings. It has changed us forever; trusting someone else takes a considerable amount of time now, and even then there is always doubt.

    And to repeat your last line: this was so unnecessary and so wicked……

  • 4. thatwoman  |  February 5, 2010 at 6:31 pm

    Mark I can no more shut out the feelings of utter contempt t feel for their actions than I can shut out my love of of my kids…. I don’t like being in this frame of mind…. it broke my heart to watch Nikki that night – lying there just waiting for news and dreading and hoping the at the same time .

    we were told by the Dr. to go and get some sleep I had been up for 19 hours at that point and that Chris was through the crisis of the latest episode… I was shattered and Nikki needed to eat ( as she was still nursing) and she was distraught and really wrecked emotionally thinking that her brother was probably dying…. but we still had hope. After a couple of hours I called the nurses station only to be told that I would have to check with Mr. Ritcheys wife for any information.

    Chris father and Jim went down whilst I showered and they called back that the stats looked ok. ( that his wife was in talking to the Drs. so Jim Nikki and Gavin left and I went down to the ICU and spoke to the Dr. I said I understood the stats were good this morning – Dr. Alexander looked at me with such a puzzled look ….and said “you were aware there was a problem,??? I said I knew that when his wife decided to move him from the one ICU to the other ICU he had some stress and breathing issues.she looked at me and said

    ” more than that he had a heart attack, we think there is damage, his organ are breaking down and we had to paralize him…you weren’t informed ??? .

    I said why wasn’t I told she said

    it was up to his wife.

    I then informed her that obviously his wife had witheld that information from his family and I wished to be informed by the staff from that point forward…..

    she again said we inform the wife and then I told her check the paper work as both myself and his sister were on that paperwork.,and so she then made a note of the fact that Nikki and I were to be informed as well.

    But unfortunately the next decision to be made and the next information was to take him off the vent… after that of course well you know what happened… contemptable behavour continued…..

    Tourjours Moi…….

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