I didn’t know my son! Chris Ritchey

April 20, 2010 at 1:11 am 36 comments

A OPEN POST TO Dr. ANGELA (LOMBARDI) Ritchey MURPHY DO – just incase she decides to read this blog πŸ˜‰

Well that came as a bit of a surprise today to say the least, but that is what his wife of just over a year informed me today.

You see contrary to the opinion of his wife. My son and I had a very, very, very open and honest relationship.( and I have his last letter to prove what I say ) BUT today after a lot of legal dealings ( more on that in the next post) my husband received some of Chris’ hunting equipment.
Angela Lombardi ( ritchey)

Stuck on the top of the box was another note from Angela Lombardi ( ritchey) who apparently ignores this blog for the most part πŸ™‚ ( methinks she doth protest too much )

However, she felt she had to tell me :

there is one thing I would like to clear up though Chris was never mad at me when he was in Texas.

I never said he wasI can tell you now though he was disappointed and hurt Angela that you chose to leave him in Texas with me ( sorry I saw the note you left him in drawer when I was looking for some paper)

Yes! you see I knew my presence in Texas only confirmed that he was dying of Cancer, I was a constant reminder that he needed a care giver ( although you felt he could manage on his own to deal with side effects of a trial drug and Cancer) he would’ve preferred that it would have been his wife, not his mother to be with him.

As a wife I couldn’t have left my husband knowing that he was living under a death sentence and had been since August 29th -but that was your choice.

I , for one was glad to spend the last weeks of Chris life with him . I would walk through fire for him , he always knew that – Yes! I loved him intensely he was my son I would have enabled his happiness even when it meant sacrificing my own.

You say in your “note” (you are so good at “notes’) that he wasn’t going to correct the impression that he was mad at you because he was tired of arguing. He never gave me the impression he was mad at you.

I know he was angry at me and Nikki in Texas which was directly attributable to you because he felt we left you out of the loop when it came to travel arrangements on October 8th .

He wanted to drive the truck back . I told you in an email ( which I have ) that it wasn’t a good idea him driving, he was having difficulty due to the side effects of SGN35 and I thought you should know since obviously you had been in Ohio since Sept 10th and hadn’t see the problems he was having even driving to Target let alone 1,700 miles.

I asked how many air line tickets you needed and what date as I wanted to book them ( I also have those emails) because the price kept going up daily – the earlier you book the less money – and since we weren’t made of money it was a concern since his family were picking up the costs.

I didn’t mention this to Chris as you are right he needed to put all his energy into healing. YOU ignored me , but told Chris we hadn’t included you in any of the arrangements.

He was very angry at me and his sister. WE had the fight in Texas he was furious we had made arrangements without your knowledge. NOW I wonder why he would think that? I confronted him as to why he was so angry at me and Nikki…. and he said :

“You didn’t include Angela”


“What are you talking about – I included Angela

CHRIS No you didn’t !


Would you like to see the emails?


Yes! I would”


So you are calling me a liar ?


” Don’t give me that F…. shit if I want to see the email then I must be calling you a liar. There aren’t any emails Angela doesn’t lie!

I then pulled up the emails all of them sent to you –


Look at the dates and times Chris … now tell me I’M the one that lied…… she says here she wants to talk to you about it did she?


Well she has been busy


she talks to you 4 or 5 times a day she couldn’t mention it but she could let you believe that Nikki and I didn’t include her?

He broke down Angela … cried…..you did that to him by trying to lie by omission … not me ….I held him and he said:

“did you ever think that I want to see something of the country if I am going to be dead in two years.”

My heart broke for him – I cried and we held on tight to each other and I said

Chris none of us know when we will die, the way you are driving lately we could end up dead on the way to hospital tomorrow ….

he laughed a little and I said

Chris, I know the SGN35 is working, the lump on your neck isn’t visible and you haven’t coughed since Sept 21st.

That was the night he went and checked the lumps on his neck for the first time in weeks. Remember that phone call Angela – you called Nikki and said
“I wonder why he did that all of a sudden” he hadn’t been checking on the lumps til tonight ? Now you know !

I told him that I would find a way for him to drive that damned truck back . Then we phoned Jim and Nikki Jim said he would take a week off work and drive down to Texas with Chris and fly back and he did.

The rest of the story you know , because YOU Angela ( Dr. of Medicine) wouldn’t listen to the Drs. at MD Anderson and my begging you to please fly back and decided that

Chris will be just fine driving back to Ohio.” We will take it easy”

Well you got as far as Jackson Mississippi when he collapsed and the rest is history. I had said to him the last thing the morning of the test results:

Chris no matter the news good or bad please rethink driving back, you can leave the truck with JD ( Houston) or let me keep the apartment in Houston for the next couple of weeks – you have to drive back to Ohio all that way and then turn around and fly back in two days after that

Chris said he would think about it , he called and said that you and he decided he could drive.

He called me from the hospital bed at SouthPointe and said

“Mum, I am appreciative of everything you did in Texas

I said

I know that Chris you don’t have to thank me

He continued :

But I was so mean to you

I responded :

Chris I am your mother , you are allowed to be mean to me , I understand what you are going through , the lack of control over your own life , the anger – it is OK I love you !

He said :

You were right I should have stayed in Houston, I shouldn’t have come back to the apartment there are so many bad memories – I should’ve stayed and I love you mum I should’ve listened

I said

Chris it is no good in hindsight we will get through this I will see you Friday . I love you

As always he said

I love you too”

I did see Chris and cooked his last meal for him and he told me as tears squeezed from the corner of his eyes – he felt he was pathetic and that he never wanted to be pathetic and the worst feeling in the world was not being able to breathe.

I cuddled him , got him his drink , helped him go to the toilet whilst you were at work that last night he was home. I had to be there to let the guy in with the oxygen. I watched my son trying to be brave and hopeful.

Remember that night Angela you and your parents were making arrangements to put him on a damned train to Texas. You felt ( even with your medical background) this young man who couldn’t make it to the bathroom would be able to leave at three in the morning on a train to Chicago, change trains, to Austin and it was only a three-hour drive to Houston from there…..

Personally I am not sure what you people use for brains at times. I promised Chris if he was well enough to travel I would get him to Texas

He said

you can’t drive to Texas

– I said

I will get you there if I have to hire an ambulance and drive it myself.

He then slept for a little and I sat up with him all that night.

You state that “he would defend you when you did not deserve it and would be the first person to put you in your place when he had enough

That is interesting πŸ™‚ as Chris knew full well I could take care of myself but IF he did defend me I wonder WHO it was that felt I didn’t deserve to be defended YOU PERHAPS??? πŸ™‚

Maybe I didn’t know everything about my son- you have set me in search of him and I will let his own words and works speak for him but unfortunately I know you and my worst suspicions of you have been confirmed.

You must have known how hard it would be to receive his personal belongings today , the smell of him still on those jackets and to write your little note of self-justification that was meant to hurt.

You can never justify what you and your family did to this family . Your innocent facade crumbling with every little word that you write that tries to take Chris and who he was from those that loved him. You won’t do it Angela . You obviously didn’t love Chris at least not as much as it seems you love the idea of YOU!

I don’t understand Angela what is it that you want – why this need to take Chris and who he was from us – to make us 2nd guess- We have lost our son and brother isn’t that enough pain Angela why this need to inflict more?

I know more of your relationship than even you are aware of as I said my son and I talked openly, honestly -I knew his faults and he knew mine – why you feel the need to try an take what we have left of Chris from us is puzzling – what gratification do you get from it? What purpose does it serve?

To be continued …..

Entry filed under: Chris Ritchey, death, hell is other people, Love, personal opinion, weddings and funerals. Tags: , , , , , , .

Unfinished Portrait – The Artistic Gene??? The Key to the City -A Thank You

36 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Mark  |  April 20, 2010 at 12:00 pm

    Wow. Just. Wow.

    How evil and conniving. How selfish. How absolutely full of herself.

    And she’s a doctor?! Don’t they still take the Hippocratic Oath? Because she has broken it in her words and actions more times than can be counted.

    All I can wish right now is that she takes her maiden name back, because having her associated with the Ritchey name must be horrible to you and Ernie.

    When her time comes, she will have to answer for all of this.

  • 2. thatwoman  |  April 20, 2010 at 1:16 pm

    Geesh Mark what the hell must I have done to deserve all this……..must have been something terrible.I don’t remember anything in this lifetime though that could equate to this……..

  • 3. mb  |  April 20, 2010 at 1:28 pm

    Great post! What a bitch…

  • 4. Mark  |  April 20, 2010 at 1:37 pm

    Maybe you didn’t bend over backwards and kiss her butt like her parents did.

    That’s the only way I can think that she got to be so full of herself.

    Too bad she can’t see that it was the drive back that sickened Chris. I guess she didn’t ‘take it easy’ after all.

    So much for the oath.

    I pray I’m never in a hospital that she’s working in.

  • 5. thatwoman  |  April 20, 2010 at 2:07 pm

    I don’t know Mark _ I tried to give Chris and Angela as much space as I could under the circumstances ( considering Chris did need our physical, emotiona and financial support… and SHE had no trouble accepting that although Chris was not happy accepting our money I know how difficult and horrible this cancer rearing its head was so near the wedding and their married life together was for a young couple…….I tried I honestl did….but I guess it wasn’t good enough for her.

    .I honestly did try to “keep my place” or maybe it was the wrong place….. “put you in your place” I wonder what place that was πŸ™‚

    Anyway I have been thinking of the time Chris must have
    defended me that I didn’t deserve it” thinking back it was probably over the bridesmaid dress……stupid but they created such a farce and fuss over Nikki having hers shortened an inch higher.I got the Mother Lombardi call. πŸ™‚ I know that Chris was sitting next to me and wasfurious at them over such a stupid thing … in fact I can remember his words to Angela “What the F… did you do ” and he let her have it because of the stupidity of the whole thing…. Maybe that was the time who knows …….I am tired of 2nd guessing their motives and thinking .my son is dead and I am having a hard enough time dealing with that….

    She states she ignores the existence ( of the blog) for the most part…… Well I can only hope that I can ignore her existence now ……….it would be a blessing to have selective alzeimhers as far as that family is concerned……

  • 6. dave c  |  April 20, 2010 at 4:23 pm

    My screen is smoking!!!
    and rightly so!

  • 7. Grammy  |  April 20, 2010 at 6:11 pm

    You have expelled the demon thoughts/emotions/gut-wrenching experiences in a very cathartic way. Now, let them go. It’s now out in the open, your “side” is there, let people judge as they may. You only have to answer once for your actions, as will she. As long as you know in your heart of hearts that you did everything in a positive way without the need for validation of any kind, rest assured you will find peace. Chris knows, you know, we all know, let the chips fall where they may, as long as your conscience is clear, rest and hang on the the great memories that will sustain you and your family until you are re-united again. (Trust me, I am trying to do the same thing myself.)

    Love and hugs,

  • 8. Loraine Ritchey  |  April 20, 2010 at 7:24 pm

    I am trying Grammy, but they keep prodding the bear…… there has been a lot happening that I haven’t put on the blog ….. but yesterday nearly 4.5 months after her last liittle note that took away our closure well..to receive such a note errrrggg… it is hard to let go when someone is stomping all all over your hands…. but believe me this is tame to what I am really feeling πŸ™‚

  • 9. Grammy  |  April 20, 2010 at 8:06 pm

    It is never a good thing to rile up and already angry mother, unfortunately, some people never learn that lesson. I have always felt you can do anythng you want to ME, but leave my children and spouse alone. It is so sad that hurt piles up on hurt, piles up on hurt . . . I truly hope you can find some peace at some point. I know you will. While the pain is always there, it becomes manageable. I know that sounds trite, but you will eventually learn to cope with in the outside world.

    Selfish people will never truly be at peace. When you are so tied up in “I/me/my”, you can never understand what it takes to be a participant in life. To never participate in life as a true “member” is a sad commentary on that persons life and values.

    Peace to you and yours. Mayhaps we will meet in person for “tea” over the summer. I look forward to thanking you in person for things you have done as a participant in my world.

  • 10. thatwoman  |  April 20, 2010 at 8:27 pm

    You will like the post going up in a few hours……this life is a funny old place……. It is the strangest thing sI am dealing with emotions I have never ever ever felt before .. it is like learning to walk or being dumped down in a different country where you don’t know the culture or customs – it is a totally foreign place and I have no road map…. just reacting to the “lions and tigers and bears ” OH MY!!! πŸ™‚

  • 11. Lisa  |  April 21, 2010 at 11:26 am

    Apparently Miss High School Sweetheart hasn’t truly outgrown her High School mindset yet. What kind of person does these things to other people? Thank you, Mark, for bringing up The Oath, as that was my first thought as well. Shame on her.

  • 12. Joyce Smith  |  April 21, 2010 at 2:22 pm

    What spite and hurt! thats why the note. You know, I truly believe she DOES read all of your blogs – she may say she doesn’t, but she DOES. It’s very hard to believe a young widow wouldn’t be pouring her heart out to her extended family instead of lashing out to break other’s hearts even more than they already are.

  • 13. Grammy  |  April 22, 2010 at 3:10 am

    Joyce, some people only care if it’s about them and no one else. They lash out to hurt others because they lose the spot light and that’s all that really matters.

  • 14. thatwoman  |  April 22, 2010 at 11:04 am

    I don’t know why ….I haven’t talked to her since the day my son died only received a note from a Funeral Director and then this “note ” with my dead son’s clothes” I seem to get notes from her delivered via ” the mail carrier of death…. talk about the grim reaper…..

    but I don’t write this blog for her or hers…. I write sometimes because I need to release in other ways than tears.crying everyday and carrying around the pain inside can sometimes be too much .. and sometimes it is only the anger ( as I have said before) that keeps me standing up…watching what death and her destructive selfishness have done to this family also gets too much …. I am a creature of flotsom being carried in a current that exhausts me…. what she reads or doesn’t read makes no difference in my world – I write for me…….Loraine

  • 15. Loraine Ritchey  |  April 23, 2010 at 5:19 pm

    So it continues apparently more little “notes” are being sent and one that in the words of the Angel ( a) via Death .

    I wrote everyone letters sharing Chris’ thoughts about them and such . Some of the things I said in Nikki and Loraines’ letters they will not like …….”

    Oh Joy Oh Happy Day more of her pleaseant and helpful way to let us deal with the death of our son and for his sister her brother…. I look so forward to this latest cruelty of self justification…. and apparently to be delivered once again by the funeral home….. somebody pass me a a glass of something ….. Loraine

  • 16. Mark  |  April 23, 2010 at 7:23 pm

    She is going to pass along “Chris’ thoughts about ‘other’ people’? And everyone is supposed to believe what she has to say as gospel? Yea, right.

    She is a mean, vindictive, lying bitch. And someone should sit her down and inform her what Chris’ thoughts and actions said about his relationship and feelings toward her.

    Someone also should slap her in the face with the reality that Chris could probably be telling those people how he really felt about them today if it wasn’t for her wanting to drive back from Texas.

    I promise you Loraine, if I’m ever in the hospital, and she happens to be my doctor or attending, I’ll piss in her eye.

  • 17. thatwoman  |  April 23, 2010 at 9:26 pm

    You know Mark if this weren’t happening to me I would say this is the worst case of a “bad fiction” writing.. and it is totally unbelievable ….I am truly torn between laughing my head off and wanting to slit my wrists.

    Is this how I am supposed to grieve for my son dealing with this well I am not sure what to call it……… “protocol” ????

    I just don’t get it…… we are talking about a mother and sister and family who have lost someone so precious to them…and the one person that he chose to live his life with and love ( because he did) ( thank heavens he didn’t see what she has become and done….) has turned around and tried to destroy those that loved him.. because these letters are destructive …. for what benefit…. justifaction of her actions re his funeral and witholding of closure.the next thing she will be insuating was that he died to get away from us……..

    this whole thing makes no sense to me at all…… not from the first “punishment ” in ICU….
    I don’t understand the thinking of the “christian value they proport to have. Her latest communication states

    “that was my last communication to them as long as they have this anger against me……..”

    Gee what a person will do to stop from communicating πŸ™‚

    Am I missing something..Angel(a) ….

    you don’t tell us when my son is having a heart attack, organs breaking down and has been paralized.

    You decided 8 days after agreeing in front of witnesses of a division of the cremains for closure that you have decided to not divde them ( because he wasn’t an organ donor.when in fact he had been up unitl the time of the Cancer) Yup I have his drivers licence ( the one he thought he lost and so had replaced that turned up…

    and then you bury him in a cemetery without informing his family of the time or place…. talk about a “PRIVATE BURIAL”

    and then thanks to you and your s the time that heals is taken away from me daily

    and I am supposed to over look those things…..and not have anger…. You truly must live in a fanatsy ……

    I certainly hope this is the last I ever hear from you .but you certainly have given me plenty of thoughts and segues to blog about…….

  • 18. Who am I today? « That Woman’s Weblog  |  May 19, 2010 at 10:53 am

    […] . I am controlled by outside forces that pique an emotion that presses the button to bring out the corresponding fragmented part of me. This is evident by just “some” titles of the draft posts that are waiting to be […]

  • […] I would not have searched his artwork to hear his voice, I would not have doubted our relationship – […]

  • […] stood watching ( with what in your heart????) a mother ( whom even your own daughter states had an “intense love” for her son in her notes of destruction) trying to reach through […]

  • […] cherished- this novel of fiction …… How did this book become so important- In the post “I didn’t know my son” ( written in response to a contemptible letter)- I told of an […]

  • […] as our long long day continues : Angela (Lomabrdi) ritchey ( red) by Chris Ritchey Graceless Lady – YOU KNOW WHO I AM And WILD […]

  • […] flags on his hats . As she spewed forth about how my daughter didn’t know her brother and I didn’t know my son- I smiled- as she expounded on this particular proclivity of Chris’s – you see I knew […]

  • […] musings as to who our son , brother grandson nephew really was and that we didn’t know Chris. https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2010/04/20/i-didnt-know-my-son-chris-ritchey/ trying- for some unfathomable reasoning to take away even our relationship with Chris- the last […]

  • […] our lowest ebb, underneath her trappings of “niceness” cold , cruel and calculating . Her words sent to those in the throws of grief, hardly healing just meant to maim and maim they did until anger and an anger just as cold became […]

  • […] I was accused, within weeks of my son’s death, when our world was in turmoil, of not knowing my son by Angela ( Lombardi) ritchey ( Angela Ritchey DO. ) https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2010/04/20/i-didnt-know-my-son-chris-ritchey/ […]

  • 28. What would Chris do??? Chris Ritchey | That Woman's Weblog  |  August 29, 2013 at 8:13 pm

    […] My son , speaks to me through his work – he confirms to me that I did know who he was and what he wanted from life. https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2010/04/20/i-didnt-know-my-son-chris-ritchey/ […]

  • […] https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2010/05/06/mothers-day-what-degree-a-mothers-love-and-who-decides/ At that time, just weeks after my son died, I received a letter in my dead son’s clothes from my son’s “bride” the “healer”????? Angela Marie (Lombardi) Ritchey DO who made my love for my son something of a negative which “blinded me to who my son was” . I replied to Dr. Angela Ritchey in an open post- https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2010/04/20/i-didnt-know-my-son-chris-ritchey/ […]

  • 30. Mirella Taibi  |  December 6, 2013 at 6:58 pm

    Hi Loraine:
    We lost our son Paul to Hodgkin’s on March 4th, 2013. He was diagnosed at age 16 1/2 and died at 24 years old. We are from Ontario, Canada. I feel I can relate to you. I am having a very hard time. I miss him tremendously and my heart has been shattered and torn. I understand you and am so sorry for your loss. Paul had stage 2A and had the usual ABDV and radiation. He had neck tumors and chest tumor 9cm by 5cm. He relapsed about 7 months later. The chest tumor grew to 9.6cm by 4cm by 6 cm. He hated chemo very much and did not deal with it too well. Teenager with no hair, nausea, weakness. Hated it. When he relapsed he did not want to have the stem cell transplant and we as parents did not really push for that. The doctors first told us that his stage was 85 to 90% curable. Then it relapsed less than a year and was given 50% chance of transplant working! I found a place in Bahamas that had immunotherapy treatment. So my son and I flew here. We stayed for 7 weeks. He received injections, high doses of intravenous Vitamin C and other vitamins. When we returned he had a CT scan and his chest tumor shrank to 5cm. His oncologist could not believe it. He was very happy. We went back to Bahamas IAT Clinic every four months for two years. But in 2009 the Hodgkin’s had spread further. He never had any B symptoms this whole time. All I remember is some itching on his chest. He was about to get into remission. I think it wasn’t a complete remission, but very close to it. Then had his stem cells re-infused. We was able to finish college, travelled, we went on a cruise, etc. He felt good. But at his three month scan there were spots on in abdomen and chest. He then received Vinblastin for about a year. He received SGN35 in 2011 for about three months, but it did not work for him. That put him in the hospital. The treatment made him feel worse than the disease itself!
    I feel overwhelming grief, but the guilt is worse. If he received the stem cell transplant earlier, would he be OK now? This is what is gnawing at me.
    We did go back to the oncologist after Paul passed and he said if anything, we probably extended his life by two years with the immune augmented therapy he received. STILL, I can’t shake this feeling. As mothers we tend to blame ourselves for our children’s pain and want to take and pain and anguish and make it our own. All I do is research and I know that because he relapsed before one year, that it is one of the prognostic factors against a transplant. Also that he relapsed in the same area where he also had radiation is another factor that some studies believe is a bad prognostic factor. I just drive myself crazy with these thoughts. I just want him here!!
    We have two younger boys, 21 and 15. They are so special to me as well. But I miss Paul so deep, some days it takes me down to my knees. I am sorry for this long winded story. I just felt I needed to vent to someone who would understand. Only a mother losing a child can understand. Thank you for listening.

    Mirella T.

  • 31. thatwoman  |  December 6, 2013 at 9:04 pm

    Mirella I will email you personally but having researched the Stem Cell transplant with Hodgkins- the numbers don’t add up – Chris is not down as dying from Hodgkins but from H1N1 ( and that is erroneous as I have since found out) he died of Acute Pulmonary Toxicity one of the things I have learned is the blasΓ© answer by the specialist at the Cleveland Clinic when I asked about the risks of the double stem cell transplant was “Oh there could be some issues with the lungs but we take care of that with steroids”- I would love to know ( as there is a young woman NOW as I type having the same issues again at the clinic treating her for “pneumonia” although after three weeks on a vent they have finally decided it is APT- the intensity of the “cure” literally burns the lungs…… that is what happened to Chris- Refractory Hodgkins comes back again and again… Hilary St. Pierre whom you can find on my blog under the health category had it return 13 times…….

    Please , and I know this is almost impossible- the guilt is not yours but we carry it…. One day when I can live through it in writing I will write about the “cure” ……

  • […] I have had a blog for many years which covers many, many subjects. After Chris’s death and the terrible cruelty that followed including the statement[ a letter sent 4 months after Chris death by Angela Ritchey DO ] “I didn’t know my son” https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2010/04/20/i-didnt-know-my-son-chris-ritchey/ […]

  • […] – I was bewildered, as I was actually in Kmart getting new bed linens, as I believed you to be coming home for the weekend- after that disastrous and stupid idea of Angela’s stating you could drive back from Houston . https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2010/04/20/i-didnt-know-my-son-chris-ritchey/ […]

  • […] It was very, very difficult for me knowing what to do when I was now the “mother- in-law” as well as the mother. In hindsight I would have ignored protocol and taken care of you as I should have done on those nights. You should’ve been my first consideration ! I didn’t know my son! Chris Ritchey […]

  • […] “To me there is NO justification to take from a family their son and further to not inform his family as to the time of his interment. It has been six months of pure hell for us and I am done trying to figure out the why’s and wherefores and tired of apologizing for loving my son . […]

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April 2010

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