Mother’s Day – What degree a Mother’s Love and Who Decides?

I have been dreading this day as once again I know that I am going to be torn apart .On one hand I have a beautiful daughter, a wonderful mother of my own and a grandchild who fills me with “life”

but on the other hand someone is missing this Mother’s Day. I know I will be looking for the ghost in the pond from last year, as I look in every room and see all the gifts from previous Mother’s Days given by a child’s chubby hands and then from the hands of the man my child became. These gifts, precious at the time of giving, have now become priceless.

You will be hearing a lot about Mother’s Day in the lead up to the occasion we will be bombarded with reminders and how special a Mother’s love really is .

I was the recipient of a “note” last month from Dr. Angela Marie (Lombardi) Ritchey DO , it was meant ( in my opinion ) to cause me pain as Chris’ mother. The “note” came through the “mail drop” of my dead son’s belongings- how thoughtful was that? I am not sure why or what purpose she hoped to serve. Her particular mindset is not MY worry.

There was one sentence though that has caused me to ponder the meaning both from the usage of the English language but also the words “your intense love”
The whole sentence reads:

“I think your intense love for Chris shielded you from getting to know who he completely was.

At first I had visions of Captain Kirk , the Starship Enterprise and and “Shields up – Mr. Sulu”

Was Chris some sort of alien being lurking beneath the loving son I thought he was? Visions of Klingons and The Invaders ran amuck in my mind.

But it was the words “intense love”. that puzzled me.

I was married for 8 years before Nikki arrived and a further 3 years and 10 months before Chris completed our little family.

When Nikki came into our lives I was overwhelmed with a love for this little girl . I was so worried that if I had another child how could I ever have any love left over for a new baby? I needn’t have worried I loved my son no more and no less than my daughter. Oh! there was a difference -the bond between a mother and daughter is a little different from the bond between and mother and son, not weaker or stronger – just different.

Both my husband and myself always put the needs of our children before anyone else even each other. Was that a mistake? I don’t know , all I know is that it became as natural as breathing. The rewards for what little sacrifices we made to “enable” came back to us a thousand fold, in a smile, and hug and a love that was returned.

Does a mother’s love come in degrees? Was I , as a mother, supposed to lessen the degree of my love the older my child became? Is there a cut off point at 18- 21- 30 , when they marry , become parents themselves maybe?

How is it nobody told ME? And how do you go about that? Is it written somewhere, is there a time-table? How does one lessen love?

My mother didn’t tell me I was supposed to lessen my love for them as they grew! Infact, she has worried and fretted a great deal over me these last months at the age of 91 over her “senior citizen child”. I asked her if she loved me to a lesser degree than when I was in my 40″s?

No ! she said because she doesn’t see the “old woman” I have become but the little girl sharing her sweets with the dog as she looks into my eyes.

I understand exactly what she meant as when I look at my daughter I see a little girl with big blue eyes and a ready smile for her mum.

I saw not the man wracked with cancer and disease hooked up to machines as my son lay in that hospital bed but a little boy whose chubby little arms reached across the years looking for me to “make it better mummy”

Was the word “intense” meant as an insult – a dirty word ? Should I be ashamed of loving intensely my child? I looked it up just to make sure :

Definition of intense (adjective)
very strong; extremely serious.

What , I wonder, was her “base line” for the definition of a my “INTENSE love” I can only wonder if what seems natural to those that love and receive love unconditionally is not always understood by those who may not have had that experience.

What degree a mother’s love and should it be decided and negated by one who has never experienced it?

To all those mothers that love their children UNCONDITIONALLY and INTENSELY to YOU this MOTHER’S DAY I wish you love RETURNED that is intense and unconditional as well.

MAY YOU TOO BE “DEFENDED EVEN WHEN YOU DIDN’T DESERVE IT!!!!!!”