VI -(pers) – Chris Ritchey

June 3, 2010 at 4:26 pm 14 comments







I am so weary my son, my strength gone, my direction unknown. SIX MONTHS TODAY THE DECISION TO STOP YOUR HEART AND SHATTER OURS!

Another anniversary, the past six months has been nothing but a series of anniversaries . Days we remember and get through ever since that terrible day of diagnosis. Every day is a reminder of your journey of your young life, a graduation, start of treatment, a birthday , holidays, stem cell transplants starting and stopping, flights to Texas, flights to England to play soccer, laughter on a snowy day , weddings,

“what were we doing last year, two years ago , 5 years ago ?

There are only anniversaries left to us now. There is no present or future to share with you -just anniversaries of the past.

Friends and family watch to see if we are finally OK or healing. Some look for signs of normalcy coming back into our lives.

Normalcy, what is that ?- I can tell you that normal for us has become- getting through the days and nights , hour by hour , trying hard not to release the agony we feel at your loss in front of each other so as to not be a reminder of the pain. Trying to be strong , to support each other and failing. Sometimes we hide behind our doors , sometimes we long to be alone so we can let go the suffocating grief that demands to be free – a primeval scream of sheer pain that echoes through our world.

Normalcy has become your family receiving – narcissistic , thoughtless and unasked for correspondence delivered to Nana, Uncle , Nikki , Jim and even little Gavin in shoe and grocery boxes along with a dead man’s clothes ( yours) delivered via the mailman of death – a funeral director. He was also the bearer of another note, and another day that will be remembered with pain. This is our normalcy .

This week will find another anniversary , your wedding anniversary . I too will remember that day.

The day of the rehearsal dinner, I was fighting against an overwhelming mixed bag of emotions, I couldn’t make out why this feeling of

This wedding is not a good thing

Those thoughts unbidden caused much distress that morning. Nikki was so angry with me she came over and told me off as only she can.

I drove to Lakeview alone that day and looked at the lake and at the lighthouse where your sister and I had helped you plan your “will you marry me” to Angela Lombardi.

I sat in the car and argued out loud with myself that hot day .

“What the hell is wrong with you, why aren’t you happy you should be happy –

Yes, Chris has been diagnosed with Hodgkin’s but the prognosis is good, why aren’t you wanting to celebrate?

Angela has stood by him through this diagnosis , she has helped him – she has stuck by him- this has to be such a difficult time for her – ( I admired her and was grateful to her for that)

He is getting married , starting a life so what is it with you ? Why are you sitting here at Lakeview looking out at the lighthouse and feeling such a dreadful feeling – Her family is that it?

Her family , well you don’t really know them , met them socially all of a dozen times probably spent less that 24 hours in their company. The picture of them you had formed wasn’t flattering but then again they probably did the same with us and hey they will be Chris’ problem not yours.

The father seems OK for a weak and weedy sort of chap.

The mother , Oh well that will never be a relationship I can see that. ( Mama Sue) may be aptly named as she seems to be the one in charge.

The sisters.Well not much to think about there as they obviously don’t think for themselves.

The grandfather seems alright – The grandmother well she seems nice enough even if she is a bit puddin’ headed.

So why are you sitting here feeling like a brick of doom is going to drop from the sky? This is your son’s wedding , he needs and deserves to be happy , to laugh and dance and forget his illness. So stop it !!! put on a good face and support your son in this his most special of days.”

And I did –

I met the priest, that evening of the rehearsal dinner and again the feeling of

“something is not right, why are my warning bells going off- I don’t even know this man”-

– unfortunately I do now.

Yes , another anniversary, one that I wished had never happened, because the joining of “that family” because of your marriage has since your death and the days preceding it caused even more pain than I thought was possible .

The weak and weedy father – enabled “the product of his loins” to take from your father his closure.

The ensemble thinking sisters enabled that sweet-faced basilisk to take from your sister her brother.

The grandparents enabled her to almost kill your own Nana denying her a last goodbye-

and finally
“that motherand I use that term without affection , so self-righteous and pompous is beyond cruel in her enabling and unless I miss my guess directing of Angela. I won’t forget what she enabled her child to do to this family.

Your name was RITCHEY , NOT – Lombardi , Vyka , Gonzales, Gott or Zaworski . You were taken to their faith and their closure, denying your family even the “time of your interment in their selfishness.”

As someone said

“it is like Chris’ family didn’t exist”

They are unfortunately strangers who have come like thieves in the night who plundered and pillaged in our sorrow and have gone back to their little lives thinking they are the ones hard done by .

Ah ! the notes delivered by the mail drop of death resonate with their narcissism and holier than thou self -righteous pompous piety .

Quote from Angela Marie ( Lombardi) Ritchey

“I” was Chris life. he was the happiest when he was with “ME” and if you deny that then you didn’t know your brother.….”

Yes ,this is now our normalcy dealing with the dregs that have been left to us in the bottom of our cup from the heady “wedding wine”.

Yes another anniversary one that brought a nest of vipers into your family’s bosom, to crawl and slither , strike and leave behind the poison of anger when it should’ve been so different.

Everything should’ve been different but we are left to deal through more anniversaries missing you , remembering you and fighting to remember the wonderful times we had with you before the Cancer when you made our family complete.


Angela (Lombardi) Ritchey – Study in Red by Christopher D. RITCHEY

Graceless Lady

Entry filed under: Chris Ritchey, death, grief, Mothers, personal opinion, weddings and funerals. Tags: , , .

JUSTIFY- Two sides to the story? Chris Ritchey or Lombardi’s Lament Lorain Police Dept- To Protect and Serve

14 Comments Add your own

  • 1. tony  |  June 4, 2010 at 1:30 pm

    I kind of feel liike I am to blame a bit for having read the letter out on your and ritch behalf, and the looks I got reminded me of Chris wedding when in my best man speech I told what I thought were relatively harmless political jokes. So I must apologise for my dry English sense of humour, but we kinda think that sort of thing is really funny. Anyway the looks I got were remarkably similar when I toddled behind Jim, I read the letter again the other day, and I think its a special letter from a Mum and Dad to their son, and maybe I am a bit simple, but I fail to understand how that can offend anyone.

  • 2. thatwoman  |  June 4, 2010 at 2:25 pm

    Tony all you did was out of respect to this family agree to read aloud the thoughts of Chris mother and father.I didn’t realize I had to “ask permission” to do so from the “on high”.this was the memorial service for Chris RITCHEY not Chris Lombardi….I felt that since I couldn’t attend and neither could his father that we should acknowledge “OUR SON” .Nikki was going to read it but just couldn’t get through it.she tried bless her…….so thank you for doing something that I know was very difficult for you as well.

    Hindsight…..I was apparently suposed to “ask permission to have that letter read”

    Probably have it proof read as well to see if it was suitable

    I didn’t mention Angela by name in that letter, but then again I didn’t mention my mother, Gavin, Jim or you or anyone ellse, just Nikki ..
    that was also probably an issue……… I don’t know I don’t care……nothing in that letter could “justify” the reasoning for what happened afterwards ” ACCORDING TO THE LATEST SPIN BEING ROARED BY THE “LIONS” 😉
    but as Angela herself stated that had nothing to with it according to HER words but it was the “organ donor” justification…….

    Absolutely twaddle in my book…….

    PS Father Divas political jokes didn’t go down well with the English either 🙂

    “This was brought home over the weekend ( and I can take a joke better that a lot of people) . A speech that bordered on not only the insulting ( for me )“cultural racism” by a priest who insulted every English person and non catholic at a function. He spoke of Ulster and Northern Ireland in a way that for those of us who lived through the bombings and were directly effected by the IRA and the terrorism THEY inflicted upon a population both Irish and English , that was financed primarily from this side of the Atlantic was akin to making jokes about 911. Would you tolerate jokes about 911?”

  • 3. Mark  |  June 4, 2010 at 7:14 pm

    That letter was incredibly innocent compared to what I thought I was going to see. If they are going to blame that reading as the reason for everything, they definitely have issues.

  • 4. tony  |  June 5, 2010 at 5:34 am

    maybe it was the English voice that offended them, and maybe the Vicar knows that I served in NI fr queen and country for two years, and was very offended what he previoulsy said

  • 5. Loraine Ritchey  |  June 5, 2010 at 10:29 am

    That iis the problem t Mark without reading that letter ( one of the reasons I decided to put this up) anyone not at that Memorail service probably thought I did something very untoward…. I didn’t . BUT you can imagine what peoples imagination conjured up about what “that woman did to justify Angela taking control and exercing her rights as his wife “

    However this is the spin that is now being put out there as justification….BUT as I said before that spin was negated by Angelas own words as to the reasoning.they can’t have it both ways…. But then again I guess they can…..

    Someonesaid to me is there nothing you could do….I said NO just write …….

    Tony and to think I helped save that man’s church and job SIGH!!!!!!

  • 6. aylin  |  June 6, 2010 at 12:45 pm

    Loraine, I am still here and will continue to keep you in my rosary intentions. I wish I had answers for all of the suffering Chris, you and your entire family went through; but I do not. There is merit in all of it and we’ll see the other side of the tapestry after this life. As for now, we only see the knotted “ugly” side of the tapestry and must have faith and beleive there were many reasons for all of it. Chris knows. For this, I will keep you in my prayers as long as I am saying them.

    BTW, the pics of Loraine Dude on Memorial Day were awesome. I had my boys dressed the same way for our local parade here in Metro Detroit. I also say thank you & applaud all those who served so we could have freedom. My husband served in Korea but doesnt consider himself a vet because he didnt serve during war time. He’s crazy. I applaud all, God bless them all.

  • 7. Loraine Ritchey  |  June 6, 2010 at 12:52 pm

    Thanks Aylin, I feel like one of those balls in a pin ball machine bouncing off one pin to another, never knowing what direction I am meant to go in and just who is pushing the button….

    Today is June 6th D Day and usally on this blog I would write about that ,,,,,,,,,, but instead I will just remember the courage shown by my gradfather, uncles and father and the courage that continues to be shown by all that protect no matter where or when….

  • […] CONTROL AND EXERCISING HER RIGHTS AS CHRIS’ WIFE- we once again as per the hospital had to defer to her and or HER FAMILY for any […]

  • 10. A Place of Echoes- Chris Ritchey « That Woman’s Weblog  |  July 21, 2010 at 10:37 pm

    […] know what it is like to relive that moment every time you close your eyes? NO! Have you had (due to control, spitefulness and cruelty toward you) had your closure and final goodbye taken from you – Do you watch every day the […]

  • 13. The consequence of me! « That Woman’s Weblog  |  January 20, 2011 at 12:51 pm

    […] and a partial face- My body froze – I believed I had at last come face to face with a viper- I shook off the offending hand- I felt like I was on fire at the same time an icy cold permeated […]

  • 14. October 3rd- Life- Chris Ritchey | That Woman's Weblog  |  October 3, 2015 at 12:27 pm

    […] Yes, when I Google you I still get that damned disgracefully narcissistic obituary written by the Lombardis and family – […]

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June 2010

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