Don’t Ask – Don’t tell- Don’t IGNORE

July 7, 2010 at 10:37 am 4 comments

No! I haven’t segued from the Roman Catholic Church and IGNORE to Gays in the Military but to the thinking that is behind this “way of dealing with life issues.”

You see if we ask the question you might get an answer – the answer may make you uncomfortable- and then you may have to pursue a solution.

During these past months I asked the questions – I was IGNORED locally by men of the cloth – WHY??? because – in my humble opinion – to answer may have led to actually having to acknowledge there was an uncomfortable situation and everything in the garden wasn’t perfect.

In fact by ignoring the motivation of an emotional abusive act they didn’t have to deal with it.

It was essentially easier just to IGNORE and hope “I” would give up go away- because that is what usually happens- and not just with this instance of the Roman Catholic church locally ! ( that was a mistake I don’t give up and I don’t go away ).

This is however, a course of non action that works 95 percent of the time. by those that don’t want to “deal” with unpleasantness or problems. They ignore people and situations until finally every once in a while they can’t ignore anymore, by then a lot of damage is done. I found that out the hard way and the reason we are now dealing with this cruelty of control

As readers, how many times have YOU been ignored in life by your respective governments , politicians, religious affliations , corporations, media , schools etc.

Have we become so lily-livered ( funny word that)-

Means cowardly. People once believed that your passions came from you liver. If you were lily livered your liver was white (because it did not contain any blood). So you were a coward.)

as to run from issues that make us uncomfortable or prod us into action?

Is that what we have become as generation of cowards so that if we
1. We don’t ask

2. It follows we can’t be accused of knowing

3. Therefore , not knowing relieves of the responsibility of “acting upon the situation.

Tomb of the Unknown Soldier

Come to think of it the Military establishment being cowardly doesn’t equate and they of all groups shouldn’t be lily-livered about anything. Honestly if someone is putting their life on the line for mine the last question I would be wanting to know is if they prefer the same-sex or opposite sex to share their bed. That isn’t a case of ignoring or not asking the question it just isn’t a question for me anymore than the color of their skin or whether they are Roman Catholic or Protestant, right or left handed .

When I do rise to the surface and go out in the parallel world to mine I am often asked by some who know me and some who are just being polite to their customer

How Are You ?

To a man ( or woman) they expect

“Fine and you”

But because I am no good at pretending I answer truthfully to people who ask

How are you ?

Not good, been better, holding myself together barely, bloody awful or most days I try to get through but then there are days that I am not sure I will make it through !

Very few people really want to know how those that grieve are really. They want you to give a polite answer to a polite question – it is after all the done thing in society to “ask”.

It is not the done thing “to tell “


Truth and Transparency are words that are touted on blogs, in political arenas, forums, newspapers but I think real truths are only for the few and the brave, because the answer may mean we would have to face the demons and open wounds and that may make society uncomfortable.

Don’t Ask – Don’t Tell even when it comes down to a mighty nations military because otherwise we might have to actually face unpleasantness and we have become a community of wanting “sugar coated truths” and if I ignore it maybe it will go away .

The highest hits daily on this blog is a post about Dachau and Germany ( June’s total 14,473) – another, albeit an extreme case, of IGNORE – and a local population who lived around these camps of IGNOREDont’ Ask – Don’t Tell taken to the extreme –

Poster Design by Chris Ritchey – 2000 AD -Stocker Center Production

Don’t Ask – Don’t Tell or Ignore is a mantra of those taking the easy way out because sometimes the “truth hurts”!

“…For a long time during those frightful years I waited for a great voice to speak up in Rome. I, an unbeliever? Precisely. For I knew that the spirit would be lost if it did not utter a cry of condemnation when faced with force. It seems that that voice did speak up. But I assure you that millions of men like me did not hear it and that at that time believers and unbelievers alike shared a solitude that continued to spread as the days went by and the executioners multiplied…. …What the world expects of Christians is that Christians should speak out, loud and clear, and that they should voice their condemnation in such a way that never a doubt, never the slightest doubt, should rise in the heart of the simplest man. That they should get away from abstraction and confront the blood-stained face history has taken on today”. —French author, Albert Camus, in a statement made at the Dominican Monastery of Latour-Maubourg in 1948.

Understanding the Vatican


Entry filed under: a Cow -elle opinion, Chris Ritchey, grief, journey, personal opinion, religion. Tags: , , , .

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4 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Lisa  |  July 7, 2010 at 9:44 pm

    Guilty as charged for hiding behind my well-crafted smile more often than I should.

    But isn’t that our job now, to not make others sad for our loss? /sarcasm 😐

  • 2. thatwoman  |  July 8, 2010 at 10:55 am

    If they ask I tell but I have noticed not so many ask anymore except those poor people at the checkout sigh in another time the reactions of telling the truth when being asked this simple question would bring a smile. Can you imagine what wuld happen if we all told gthe truth when going to the checkout

    How are you

    Awful, I lost my job, the kids are playing hell my oldest is running with a gang , I have bunions , and or diabetes, etc. etc.

  • 3. Grammy  |  July 9, 2010 at 7:52 am

    I tried to share with my family, if you really don’t want to know the answer/opinion, DON’T ASK! you might not like what you hear, but it will be what I think/believe/feel.

    Love and hugs to all

  • 4. Loraine Ritchey  |  July 9, 2010 at 11:22 am

    Oh Grammy it is so hard — my poor mum puts her foot in it all the time….she wants me “better” but although she has lost at 91 all her immediate family brothers husband etc and yes her “luvelyful grandson” she still has her child ( me) and she cannot understand the depths of my despair no matter how hard she tries… she is worried about her child ….. she can’t understand and I haven’t got words to explain it ….I wish I could communicate the utter emptiness. , this void … as you have reminded me of an instance on my cousin farm years and years ago before I had children…….maybe another post if I can find he words….

    hang in there I get so mad at my mum when she cals and says how was your night and I tell her and she says are ever going to tell me you had a good night? I know she just wants the old me back – I know she thinks if I ( supposedly the stongest member of this family ) start healing the others will follow but it is like asking somemone who is paralyzed to go for a run.

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