Fate plus eight- Chris Ritchey

August 2, 2010 at 10:46 pm 5 comments

August -the 8th month of the calendar year, an August that I so looked forward to at one time- I was 8 months pregnant – and I knew that by the end of that August I would have another child- boy or girl?

Destiny– Chris Ritchey
It was very hot that August and I came down with “prickly heat”- or a heat rash- The Drs. were loath to give me anything because I was pregnant- I knew you were a boy – you kicked so much and caused so many sleepless nights I used to say jokingly –

This baby has to be a boy no girl would put her mother through so much

.

It was your grandfather , who had suffered from “prickly heat” during WW11. As Chief Engineer he was exposed to a great deal of heat in the bowels of the ship .

HMS Southampton

He told me what to do – the old wives tale worked ( and still does) .

Your birthday would have been this month, your birthday , my birthday, your father’s and I – our wedding anniversary. all in one week of August.

It was also the month you first noticed that damned lump- how naive we were? We thought that it was just swollen glands because of the throat infection you had had. You looked so strong and healthy . It was also the month of biopsy again last year ( on your birthday) and it was also the month you were told you only had only one hope that of SGN35.

It was the month , where Nikki and I sat on your bed in Nikki’s house and promised you we would move heaven and earth to try to change “fate”.

We tried Chris, but it seems it was our fate not to succeed. And so here we are another August, 8 months of days and weeks running into one another, days I can’t recall as I relive the days of years past.


Your 21st birthday – I forgot the candles so just one “make do ” candle was lit. You laughed at my efforts and said

glad you didn’t try and bake the cake too-

I am not much good at baking cakes – that is Nana’s forte- but there will be no cakes baked this year- no celebration .

Somehow I had got it into my head that if I could get you past this year’s birthday you would be alright and could live your life. I just had to get you through to the other side of this August, just as I thought if I could get you past the hours of 3:00 am. to the next dawn – you would survive. Oh ! your time of death was in the afternoon officially but I know when you died- I was there alone with you in that room – I know when you left us- I tried to believe in the Dr. who said

“it was the first night you had held your own”-

but I knew and fought against what I knew -hoping I was wrong.

It was not to be and for those that love you the tears still flow and the railing against fate continues.

Fate has been suffered and tears must be cried” and Wild Horses…..


I. https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2010/01/03/in-search-of-my-son-and-in-search-of-me/

II. https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2010/02/03/today-the-third-is-a-trigger/

III. https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2010/03/03/the-gift-chris/

IV. https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2010/04/03/love-plus-loss-does-not-equal-logic/

V. https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2010/05/03/no-answers-my-son-chris-ritchey/

VI.https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2010/06/03/vi-pers-chris-ritchey/

VII. https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2010/07/03/no-7-chris-ritchey/

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Entry filed under: Chris Ritchey, death, grief, Love, Mothers, opinion. Tags: , , , , .

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