sur·re·al [ sə r əl ]
bizarre: weirdly unfamiliar, distorted, or disturbing, like the experiences in a dream or the objects or experiences depicted in surrealism
unreal qualities or character: the bizarre or unreal qualities associated with surrealism
My sur -real-ity eddies and swirls like a fog around me- laughter breaks through- tears fall- a bed to made – dishes to be done- life to go on with- meetings to go to-Lorain City Schools, babysitting Gavin – taking mum to the Dr. and then the dentist and all the time you my son are with me – the thoughts and memories of you cloud my reality. I am lost and found all at the same time.
For so many months my focus was on you , you were my reality- I neglected me- and you can only do that for so long especially if you have “British teeth”.I was so glad that you and Nikki inherited the American teeth.
So as my count down of cruelty this month continues to address the pain of loss – and the abscess of acrimony by those who controlled I finally was reminded by a physical searing pain in my face that all was not well and it wasn’t and another pustule of my reality has to be dealt with.
I kept thinking of you as they x-rayed and did what dentists have to do – the pain was nothing compared to yours and how you kept it from me. And yes! I should’ve dealt with the tooth that broke in Texas earlier, I should have done a lot of things I should’ve but didn’t so after the antibiotics are done, the pain pills kick in I am in for some “major happenings” and surgery this week to correct what I neglected.
But I know the pain I will be feeling is nothing compared to the pain I felt at this same time last year – I know that because I don’t have to remember it – the pain is with me and all other pain pales in comparison.
I love you with all my heart, and I still carry you with me always ………….
ED NOTE: I met with Lorain City Schools for over 3 hours today re my public records request- However since I am going for surgery tomorrow I will write up an article later when I have all the paper work-etc. Loraine