Forgiveness- revisted- time relativity

April 3, 2011 at 1:04 pm 1 comment

Today marks the 16 months since my son’s death. This blog receives many searches daily . For the past few weeks “forgiveness” has been the top search hundreds of people have been directed to a post I wrote on December 21st just three weeks after Chris died and his wife and family made the unbearable untenable !

I reread the post I wrote in the midst of the most excruciating emotional and physical pain of loss of my son and “finding” a callousness of control.

I wondered would time have lessened my feelings toward those people who inflicted the ultimate negative in our grief? Would I have written the same words 16 months later? Is the pain still as debilitating? ?

Christopher David RITCHEY

The name is and was RITCHEY some seem to have forgotten that fact.

This Christmas and Chris-Miss time I have learned lessons not found in any textbook , bible or retelling of the Dickens Classics.


1. I have found there is a parallel universe- and those that walk in my universe see the twinkling holiday lights and decoration- they are peripheral to our sight and touch – they, along with the new fallen snow- bring no joy as we continue on our journey. We walk unseen through throngs of people smiling with packages and laughter- they are seen but not recognized.

We, of the parallel universe, move through the same time and space not taking up space in that universe – a presence barely felt by those of the world of colour, noise and happiness.

2. Forgiveness- What is forgiveness? Is it just another way of enabling those that have wronged us? – Letting them go to their church held unaccountable by an act of forgiveness to pray on their knees , pillars of a congregation- acts of “christian charity ” recompense for a terrible and cruel wrongful wickedness– Forgiveness to start anew and continue in their way?

By forgiving does the wrong and pain lessen and for whom? Is forgiveness supposed to make me feel better?

I have learned that to truly forgive you have to understand the reasoning for cruelty and of the act perpetrated – My understanding , like my forgiveness also must live in a parallel universe- the one of Dickens and Christmas spirits where Good Will Toward Men ( and women) is the cry of the day is not the place I walk. The cry that is heard in my universe is a guttural scream of despair and loss at cruelty in the name of love and honour.

Banshee ( Source)

3. The darkness I also walk in the alternative universe , the one that comes with the night . For weeks I woke from nightmares, heart pounding, drenched in sweat and tears, shaking with an inner cold and fear only to realize the nightmare was actually a better place to be than the nightmare that became my reality upon waking .

I no longer try to wake from my nightmares they are less frightening and painful than my reality . The space between sleep and waking finds me fighting to stay in a nightmare world of my own rather than the one where I have lost MY SON, my closure and to have to see what the decisions of others have done to those I love. The dreadful toll taken showing on the faces of those I love most is worse than any Banshee of the night

4. Kindness I have learned that the wonderfully kind and caring thoughts and acts of literally thousands of people who have read this blog, sent cards, called , emailed from all over the world cannot erase from hurt or memory the dreadful acts perpetrated and enabled by “The Committee of 19”


5. Truth and Transparency I have learned that most people really want a sugar-coated truth . The truth of raw emotion makes them uncomfortable . There are certain aspects when it comes to death that people want left in the place between myth and reality , not wanting to see the light of day angered when the niceties are replaced by the realities. I am unable, any longer, to sugar -coat.

6. Heritage I have learned that I am more complex than I thought I was and that the ancient culture from which I came is still within me. We truly are products of our heritage and ancestry. Whilst the community of my “home” struggles with my attitude it is fully understood by those of my ilk.

We may all walk the same path , go through the motions of living in a collective universe but it seems all it takes is the losing of one of your reasons for being “ compounded by acts of selfishness of culture and perceived faith to remove you to another reality and parallel path .



Entry filed under: Chris Ritchey, commentary, death, grief, Mothers, personal opinion, weddings and funerals. Tags: , , , , .

Lorain City Schools et al- Come together over me ? Out of the Closet- the G word

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April 2011
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