Archive for September, 2011
This week, as readers know, I have been moving my mum out of her home- and none too soon it seems. I wrote a post a few months ago on the deteriorating neighborhood around her residence
I left on my moving journey of a few blocks down Oberlin Avenue the other day and noticed a lot of activity a block down from the house. Not unusual , although usually the activity is later in the day . I no longer wanted my mum to walk her little dog, there were strange beings about, more so than usual. I had issues with one apartment house and the questionable lifestyle that had been going on there for a while now.
……….. and then I realized some of the faces seemed familiar.
When one passed me on the sidewalk as I neared my mothers, I nodded
as he brushed by and I realized he was one of the RSOs living in the apartments across the road. I then realized why the other “gentlemen” looked familiar ……
It is sad but true in the one mile that separates my mother and I there are
“71 offenders in 55 locations” whose offences are rape, raping of a minor, rape of a male child – abduction and rape the shameful list goes on and on
Well obviously the incoming neighbors want to shop close to home too!
from the Morning Journal September 28th-
Police raided the upstairs apartment of 1149 Oberlin Ave. at 7:10 a.m. and arrested Andre Carlton, 28. The raid was the result of a two-month investigation of resident Kareem Tucker, 25. Police suspect Tucker and Carlton have been distributing crack cocaine to young adults in the area of Long Avenue and Beech Avenue, Colon said.
This used to be a little shop for selling milk and bread and various things- It was never terribly successful but did serve a neighborhood purpose at one time- SIGH still does it seems.
As I read more and more of these “dealer houses” or houses/apartments that are contributing negatively to the neighborhood I have a suggestion to the media perhaps the only way to deter landlords renting to these people as they obviously do not do thorough background checks is to publish the name of the owner of the property along side his/her “nuisance to the neighborhood property”
The owner of this property according to the Lorain County Auditor’s site is “Ajeel Abed”- hopefully Abed will in future look more carefully into whom he is giving “a bed” .
A few years ago the then newly formed Lorain Neighborhood Watch Council researched the “nuisance house ordinances” in other communities. This project, like the 100 percent garbage pick up that was proposed by Lorain Growth committee, was
“squashed” by those that are in the business of rental properties.
I believe , although there are probably more rentals than owner occupied in these old neighborhoods , for the sake of the reputation of the city as a “whole” and not “hole” the City of Lorain should once again look into 100 percent garbage pickup and also the nuisance house ordinances .
“ME ME ME- I want- …..
has caused upheaval , angst and a lot of stress. Things will be a little quiet on my blog ( some sighing with relief I would think :) )
due to the fact that another narcissistic , not thinking of the consequences of what they do and HOW to do it has caused my 92-year-old mum to have to leave her home of 27 years.
I know in her heart of hearts she had hoped that would be her last home and she could be “leave this planet” before having to move again.
My mum has had to change countries and homes, given up things that we all hold precious in our lives so many times. I have watched, as I grew up, how difficult this was for her and I had hoped to spare her from ever having to “move” again.
Mum and Martin –
Well that is not the case and because “thought and consequences” of how decisions may affect others was not even considered in the telling and secretiveness surrounding the lifestyle change of the cretin.
The news was sprung upon my mum – without any warning and without discussing it with anyone, including me, her daughter,- no fair warning with this “no fool like and old fool” idiot prior to delivering his I wanna be happy news…. during the loss of Martin and the emotions she was dealing with, which in on of itself was worrying to me as to how much more she could take on board.
You do not deliver a lifestyle change to a 92-year-old woman without preparing her, which would have been up to me. That was taken completely out of our hands- he is just fortunate she didn’t have a heart attack.
Mum has to move. The story is long and complicated ( aren’t they always) but the bottom line is another “Because they can cretin“ . And absolutely no thought to the consequences as to HOW news like this would affect a 92 years old, delivered out of the blue. Why ? – because the path these “narcissistic non- thinkers” choose has no other travellers but themselves.
This meant 27 years of memories and “precious things” she had saved and brought over with her from England when she retired – the giving up of one’s independence , watching the things people had given her through the years go into the trash – things she had lovingly saved and kept close to her in her lifetime journey of 92 years has to go .
Honestly I am very worried about the effect this is having, as I returned home last evening and as she had been putting things away here I saw her little face and she looked 106 and “all gone out” as my own Nana would say . I hadn’t seen her as crumbled into herself since the news delivered by Dr. Angela (Lombardi) ritchey DO that she was taking her grandson to ground. I quickly had her sit down and made a cup of tea ( well that is what we English do in crisis).
My husband barely able to move after shifting of boxes up and down stairs full of heavy goods, she worried about him and his heart and feeling responsible for all the upheaval, in tears over “cow canister set” . This is what is happening here in “happy valley”
Mum perked up some after the tea and said
I can’t go yet because you would blame “him” for my death and God knows what your blog would say then! I can’t go with that on my conscience
and she would be right :)
Of course the cretin of creeps – is not around to see this happen ( too busy being happy and enjoying the fruits of his decision – sprung like a trap- yes it is a relative- well was until he joined the ranks of another personna non grata in my world. ( Yes! anger is keeping me upright again)- but it is another instance where I so miss my Christopher, his strength and love for his Nana , his help and humor. Nikki of course is having a baby – and is upset too.. and that compounds the worry .
I am beginning to wonder if part of my life is to sort out who are the manipulators, liars and cretins” and expose them to the light of day :) I sure seem to attract them into my circle of life.:(
Just another example of how “scum rises to the top of the pond” yeah Karma – don’t you believe it – just another platitude to give those of us who have been “trashed” some hope of justice.
ED note: Ironically these perpetrators of cruel thinking and acts profess to be all about “family” I find that astonishing in light of their actions .
The upshot of all this is 6 rooms of life don’t go into 2, especially when this house is chocker block full. I have cleared out Chris’s room which held all his artwork and things from CIA- that was heart rendering for me once again as I relived everything as I packed them away. I then stripped out my daughter’s old room, which had been used as a guest room, mostly by me, as the guest for the past few months, as I cried and walked the nights trying not to disturb my husband, in order to give my mum a sitting room so she has some semblance of independence left to her and so she has some privacy when she wants it.
I still have to sort through items of life some to the Salvation army etc. and throwaway ( because no one would want some of this stuff it is not worth anything to anyone but her and the cow canister set became priceless.) It is 6 rooms of chaos at the moment and the only one who can do this is me ( with a little help). Therefore, the blog may be quiet as I come back from her old apartment emotionally and physically exhausted and so angry at thoughtlessness on the ripple effect it has on those I love. I am once again disgusted, drained and disappointed in those that profess to love ……… at least when the last floor is swept, the last trash bag on the curb I can put another “self – self – addict” to the curb. Death isn’t the only thing that can make a family smaller …………….
If walls could talk however the resulting conversation coming from those rooms in the last few day would definitely be “R rated”.
I have hesitated to publish this post- it is a fair warning post and although extremely personal I believe it might help those who in recent days are questioning
“Why didn’t he or she call me – tell me ?”
Most people know someone or know of someone who have taken their own life. Those who are closest question
“why didn’t they …..” “I would have been there to help them”…. “get them help” ….. “why???? nothing is so bad as to end your life over”….. “I should’ve seen this coming” (
ED note : Assisted suicide and a terminal illness aside- that is a whole other topic.
In the past two years, since the death of my son, I have been in a state of a grief so overwhelming that I have no words to adequately describe the way it cripples me and yes! GUILT.
A guilt that actually is illogical – I know I did my best to help my son – I know there was nothing else I could have done – but there is still the thoughts everyday of “what if- why didn’t I try this” I bargained with fate or God or whatever, I did the take me instead deal , I would have gladly taken on his disease and pain if it meant he could live. There is a mother’s guilt that I wake in the morning and he doesn’t.
I sat by his bed. holding his hand, trying to understand what it was I was meant to do -how could I stop this from happening to my child- and how I was failing him. I KNOW logically it was out of my control – there was nothing more I could have done BUT that illogical guilt still eats at me everyday, I can no more dismiss it from my being than I can his dying.
The grief, I have written about , tried to explain its cold bone chilling ache that is part of me every hour , the sheer weight of it , how ,even after these many months, it is as debilitating as those first few days, how it eats at your very life. I have known the pain of death but none like this and the cold cruelty that followed only added to the pain and the “why didn’t I? “ guilt.
I cling on to any life line to get me though each day and night. Sometimes when it is so overwhelming I have to take a life pill. No! not drugs but I have to fight my way through my brain and emotional turbidity with logic. I focus on Nikki, Gavin , my mum, husband and friends to try to logically pull me out of the dark emotional maelstrom that engulfs me daily and nightly . Sometimes the pull of the maelstrom is stronger than logic, love and will and sometimes I am so tired of fighting its pull I don’t see how I can go on fighting.
I have tried the counselling – nothing more than a placebo in my world- the drugs- faith- works for a great many but as I have written earlier that is not my path and the experience I have had with those that profess faith and goodness in the death of my son leaves a lot to be desired and questioning .
I do know however, there are any number of people all over the world I can reach out to – who will help me through- various avenues I can take to ease the pain, they are a mere call away . I have used these life lines when I feel the grief becoming too overwhelming when I have warning of its build up.
Pain , pure physical strength sapping pain, that is what it is a cold weary mind numbing ache that you carry with you. This pain is there everyday – this losing of my son- the watching him die hourly- slipping away minute by minute – it is imprinted on my brain- every movement – every word of those last days- every beep of the monitor- every second that I was totally useless and could do nothing to stop the ebbing of his life- haunts me.
I relive those days , unbidden, over and over. The memories assault your senses as a trigger moment starts the whole thing over again- I can be driving, eating dinner, watering the garden yet be instantly transported into another time and place of such anguish.
But “life goes on” – I wonder how those people who are mere acquaintances or strangers who attended the lead up to the various events this past weekend, of which I was a more than cursory participant, realized it was taking a conscious effort on my part to get through the performance that has become my life. Did they know I was dreading the question “do you have children” because it could trigger the end of “the act”? Because those that carry the enormous weight of a depression, hurt, or fear are actors. To look at us we appear OK and are dealing with……BUT that is not always the case.
Depths of Despair – by Chris Ritchey
How many times have we read after someone commits suicide?-
they seemed fine , they seemed to be handling the situation-
( whether it was bullying, loss of loved ones, loss of hope, cruelty etc. They aren’t fine they have just become very good at putting on the costume of the person the world wants them to be. I know.
Drugs- they, the professionals, prescribe drugs to help you through some of the darker days- but when the drugs wear off the emotional maelstrom comes rushing back. In my case I took the “antidepressants” and they did their work. It was very strange what these drugs did (to me at least) – the nightmares still happened – the pain was still there – the loss still as great- except somehow the drugs removed you from the event . I can only describe what happened to me with these drugs as not being split in two as I usually am now but into three –
(1)the emotional wreck- with the pain and weight of this person I have become due to the death of Chris-
(2)the logical me - the remnant of who I used to be and then
(3) the “fog” person who was watching the other two parts of me from afar and “not caring” anesthetized as I was being sliced and diced emotionally.
I know I am not explaining this very well -there is probably a clinical explanation- BUT it was bad enough being divided into two let alone three. I also felt in my case the drugs were actually causing more issues than I could handle.
Your body and brain tries to protect itself from this weight of woe as it does when the body is attacked by a illnes or virus. There are days that even the strongest mind , the most logical will in the world can do nothing to protect self.
I have been lucky – for one thing the logical me has managed to win through BUT I have been there sucked into a place so dark , so painful so blindingly emotional , you can hardly breathe with the weight of it , you want to escape its sheer agony . You just want it to STOP- you feel you can no longer endure one more minute of this overpowering anguish that floods over you like some a great wave . You fight its pull to get to the surface only to feel its great power enveloping your sanity and your sense of self .
At such a time I can tell you there is no logical thought , no
let me call my friend , let me reach out, get help
Your being puts you in a place without hope – you aren’t thinking of tomorrow or of anyone else . You are just trying to stop the crushing weight of it all, the agony of blackness – you just want it to stop.
The part of me that is life has my daughter’s face as my talisman and has pulled me from the depths on more than one occasion in these past months.
I am exposing my most intimate moments for a couple of reasons – I believe strongly those that didn’t reach out to their loved ones and “made it stop” were in such a place of pain in their own mind and body there was no room for logic or love.
Those left should not wonder
why didn’t they”?
The cause of their great pain was all-powerful – logic, love, help and hope had been overwhelmed by a black hole of hopelessness , its inky black strength the ultimate victor in life’s struggle.
To those that have suffered such a loss I hope this small insight may help, it has been difficult to write but I promised at the start of this journey not to sugar coat my thoughts.
INFINITY by Chris Ritchey
We are so lucky in this community to have people who care and respect and cover the events in this oldest neighborhood. Maybe it is because those who lived here gave so much in their time – from a young man who gave everything in Iraq Airman 1st Class Eric Barnes to an Admiral of the Fleet – Ernest J. King and all those heroes of the ages in between.
Eric Barnes Design Chris Ritchey
We may have some homes that need tender loving care and we aren’t the most upmarket neighborhood BUT we also have the “right stuff”
Coverage of the Admiral King Tribute :
Morning Journal ( with videos)
( Link Missing to the preview article on September 10th-)
Dan Brady, has a wealth of information on Admiral King on his blog – and was the designer of the commemorative booklet handed out.
Mark Teleha , my unofficial official photographer and chronicler of all things in this neighborhood since the days of WoM has photos and videos
Also photos of the events are still coming in – thanks to all that covered this event, Lorain City Schools ( Channel 20) Lisa Miller , Mary Springowski, Roger Brownson, Paula Tobias, TV Channels 5 and 8 and many more. I hope those that attended enjoyed their “journey to the neighborhood”
Although Nag Nog will be updating the Admiral King event it seems there is another event. Whew hope I don’t have to clean up for this one……
I must admit to being a little perplexedI am going to be a big brother ! in a few months and another Dude or Dudette to grace Nag Nog’s Blog pages- but hey I get to cover the Fire Dept, that is a promise!! Mummy wants a surprise although I think Daddy thinks it is a boy - we will see
Update: Morning Journal article Sept 17th 2011
September 18th articles
http://www.morningjournal.com/articles/2011/09/18/opinion/mj5039940.txtI have convinced Nag Nog- no hats this time – ( I had my first real haircut for this occasion!
AND we are ready for inspection : 1300 hours Sir ! or 1:00 p.m. to the civilians !
Cover Design - Dan Brady-
and check out
March 2011- I had been researching and writing posts on Fleet Admiral Ernest J King. As I learned more about this man I became intrigued. Charleston Village Portside Chair- Renee Dore came over one evening with more information for me, often we had discussed the little house where the Admiral was born and how this old neighborhood needed to recognize her sons and daughters. That evening the conversation went something like this :
“Well the posts are just about finished now what – it is a shame only our website and my blog will recognize his birthplace and his story (locally) but.”
” I had thought that maybe we could mark the area with at least a flag pole”
” Well we could try – there is that space across from his home if the city would agree and we raised the money, a flag pole shouldn’t be too hard to accomplish
( famous last words)”
Renee and I called Frank and Carolyn Sipkovsky (Black River Historical Society), 2nd Ward councilman Andy Drwal, Mayor Tony Krasienko, Utilities Director Corey Timko, Street Commissioner Chuck Camera and asked to meet with the idea and we did on March 28th-2011
” BRHS has been storing a flag pole donated from the old American Ship Yard”
(which would be fitting since that was where many ships during WW2 were built).
And so it began… the flag pole, which in all likelihood is a signals mast from a minesweeper or something similar , was refurbished and was to be put in place . However, the site has grown from the idea of a single flag pole to the tribute space you will now see.
Gary Fischer, Arkinetics once again donated time and talent and drew up a design, which we have followed. Then Lorain City Schools said
“would you like one of the anchors from the old Admiral King High School for the space”
and so it progressed.
I will write more on this particular journey after the dedication of the site- which has now received “Lorain County Historical Landmark Status” in a further posting. We will also be taking suggestions from the community as to “A NAME FOR THE SITE” as we did for Settlers Watch
In the meantime :
— The partnership of Black River Historical Society , Charleston Village Society, City of Lorain and Lorain City Schools wish to invite you to the dedication ceremonies to be held on September 18th, 2011.
At 1:00 pm – corner of 1st and Hamilton, Lorain Ohio – directly across the street from the birth place of Fleet Admiral King (113 Hamilton Ave,) a green space has been designated in his honor. The space consists of the recycled flag pole which for many years marked the entrance to American Shipyards , an anchor donated by Lorain City Schools which was part of Admiral King High School and the recycled historical marker , which stood at the entrance to the City of Lorain. The space has been landscaped in the shape of an anchor and the color scheme/ landscaping is of a patriotic nature and reflects the coloring of the Lorain Lighthouse which can be seen from the space. The site has also received Lorain County Historical Landmark status.
2:00 p.m. Lorain City Schools will be holding the designation and naming ceremony for the new elementary school, built on the site of the old Lorain High School. Admiral King graduated from Lorain High School. A tour of the new school and refreshments are planned. Rear Admiral J. Deloach (USN Ret.) Director of Naval History and Heritage Washington DC will be the key-note speaker. We are also very pleased members of Admiral King’s family will also be attending both events.
We hope you can join us for this historic day in Lorain in her oldest neighborhood.