THE FISH THAT “SOARED” – well kind of -The CHRIS MISS – Present

December 26, 2011 at 5:14 pm 12 comments

Note to self – stop getting brilliant ideas in your numbed brain state–

I have not missed the self -imposed stress of Christmas’s past. There has been something freeing about not decking the halls, hauling out the holly and trying to find the perfect gift and the perfect Christmas dinner.

Although in at least one room – Nana’s new living room at the top of the house- a little tree winks and blinks at the night outside the window. In fact we are referring to it as Santa’s grotto.

Not all the animated Santa’s are out this year ( apparently some are still locked in an attic cupboard at the ” Kenny’s I just want to be happy house” . I missed some of them when moving her out. We would have had to downsize animated Santa’s anyway.

My focus once again this year was finding the “Chris Miss” present for Gavin.

After spending time watching “Cars” and Gavin’s fascination with “Lightening McQueen” and a new baby going to need a crib in a few weeks –

Aha! thought I I have the solution!!!

However, how to get it under the tree- not possible- so how to get an excited two-year and a half-year old to where “Lightening McQueen” would be “parked”. Instead of following the bouncing ball how about following the “flying fish”-

Note to self “Good call Nag Nog (NOT) but at least you didn’t get the shark”

I didn’t take in as I watched a video on-line just how big this “clown fish ” would be. The idea was to have him float in and up the stairs to the room.
on Christmas Eve and we would all follow.

Hey if Santa can come down chimneys in the middle of the night with a flying sled and reindeer then flying fish should be acceptable.

The night before the night before Christmas found Nana, Pooh Bah, and me trying to work out the instructions

“I thought you said it was just a balloon with a remote what are all these parts” –

“what does hook here mean – what a these little bits and where do they go – hold the damned thing still will you !

First step blow up the fish with the helium tank- also purchased for the purpose.

Now where do you put the nozzel- no not there!!!! if I let go will it go phhhhhhhhhhhttttttttttttt


No! apparently it is self sealing

OH! OH! that means we can’t let it down once it is up! and as the damned thing flew up to the ceiling with nothing to grab – I bounced around the couch – there went the knee again trying to catch hold of something as slippery as well a “fish” without wrecking it…. whilst Tetley and Misty were barking at the foolishness of adults

It took us three hours, 5 mince-pie tarts, two large glasses of brandy egg-nog and a whole lot of swearing but finally the fish was ready- only we weren’t ready for the fish……it was huge-

Some balloon

said Nana as she cowered on the couch as it menacingly made its way across to her ( sans remote)

it is like the bloody Hindenburg-

Misty and Tetley unsure if they were supposed to attack the intruder or run decided on the latter.

It needs a weight where is the weight- oh wait it must be this putty stuff- where do I put it –

a very disgruntled husband announced he knew where I could put it…….

As he/she fish finally came together I realized that somehow I was going to have to get this fish in the car for the following day- and another OH! OH!…… since the Amherst Giant Eagle’s lobster tank was out of order it meant a trip to Elyria to pick up the 6 live lobsters to be sacrificed for Christmas Eve dinner with Nikki Jim and Gavin.

Somehow flying fish, presents , my husband and Nana would have to make the trip the next afternoon in the one car . And he/she would have to be hidden from Gavin until, the big unveiling. After a cramped haul to Elyria ( grumbling all around with fish and food and presents I ran in ( well limped and hobbled more like) to the seafood dept to pick up the lobsters.

As I stood in line to pay surrounded by fellow “stressed out shoppers” a chap remarked -his utter disdain and disbelief for what I was going to do to the lobsters evident in his tone.

Are you going to “boil them” on Christmas Eve??????

( it should be noted his cart held ham and a turkey ).

I turned , my knee wrecked again – thinking of the problems of the “flying fish and hypocrisy” and in my best British said

” Of course Sir -but not before naming them after all the people I find disdainful this Christmas


” Ah! goodwill toward men ‘ eh what”- Did you go into the Ritchey pot this year? 🙂

to be continued……….

Entry filed under: a Cow -elle opinion, Brit take, Chris Ritchey, Christmas, Mothers, tongue in cheek. Tags: , , .

A CHRIS- MISS – Wish —— 2011——- Chris Ritchey The Fish that soared- and the name is “Dirt” -A Chris Miss ” tail” continues

12 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Grammy  |  December 26, 2011 at 11:25 pm

    I’m sure that YouTube would have loved video of “filling” the fish.

  • 2. muley  |  December 27, 2011 at 10:50 am

    I had to laugh, after many tears. Hope Christmas was better for you and your family.

  • 3. Bill Sturgill  |  December 27, 2011 at 1:30 pm

    Thanks Loraine that was just enjoyable and I needed that. My wife cooked prime rib for Christmas Day. Not a big deal except for this one actualy turned out perfect. Needless to say we have went through a few prime ribs that didn’t turn out so good. Not to worry I keep my mouth shut and eat it anyway for fear she may make me try cooking…….

  • 4. Lisa  |  December 27, 2011 at 3:30 pm

    Showing those fish in large open areas throughout the video definitely makes them look smaller than the one in your dining room! I’ll bet Fishy didn’t look so big at Nikki’s, though. I can only imagine Scout’s reaction…

  • 5. Loraine Ritchey  |  December 27, 2011 at 3:45 pm

    Lisa, you will have to wait for part two 🙂 I guess I was more focused on the flying part than the size in the video and actually it did look pretty damned big at Nikkis………Christmas night the “older kids” kept trying to part in on the ceiling fan in the great room 🙂

  • 6. Mark  |  December 27, 2011 at 4:52 pm

    Hope your Christmas made you smile.

  • 7. Loraine Ritchey  |  December 27, 2011 at 4:55 pm

    Yes we had some smiles, some tears and new traditions 🙂

  • 8. Renee Dore  |  December 27, 2011 at 8:45 pm

    Oh my gosh-that was so funny……(sorry about your knee) but the scene must have been something-now That’s a great “fishing” story!

  • […] I was concerned about the “Fish” which was bigger than he was. The fish was hiding in the laundry room. First though another tradition Gavin now has taken over […]

  • […] and now the fish is a constant companion- Oh! he has lost his tail- the remote no longer works- he looks decidedly like a fish that got caught in the filter but he and his “leash” are always with us-. He has also been called by some in the family that “damned fish”! […]

  • […] thankfully Braedyn slept through the whole lunch. Gavin stayed with Poo Bah and they were “fixing the fish” once more. Nikki would sense when I would start to choke and would carry the conversation until I […]

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December 2011

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