I am folk weary – God with us or Gott Mitt Uns

January 17, 2012 at 9:51 pm 12 comments

It has been a “ripping emotion” few days. I have been defensive , very, very angry, speechless and disgusted on top of my already “emotional puddle person” that I am since I lost my son. I have pounded at this poor keyboard till I have probably broken this one too. “Old typists never die they just kill computer keyboards”.

Kenneth Ritchey

Apart from the pain, beneath contempt and disgust I feel about some “folk” and their selfish controlling impact they have had on my life, the lives of those I love more than life itself and my son’s death and -some of them “family”

I have learned I am not alone in having to deal with the “dregs”

Over at Busters House Blog – Lisa wrote a post- found here
“You could have healed Gabriel if you had faith.”
as Lisa said in a following comment:

I know why Gabriel died and so do all of you. I’ll spell it out for those who are new here: CONGENITAL HEART DEFECT, HYPOPLASTIC LEFT HEART SYNDROME. Period. I can usually deal with it when strangers tell me why they think he died (God’s plan, angels needed, blah blah etc.). Smile, nod in polite agreement, thanks and move along quickly, thinking all the while “they have no fucking clue”. This one hurt to the core. Moments like these yank me back to year one day one and hold me there for a little while.

I spent that day pounding the keyboard because I know how disabling it is to be taken back to the most terrible time in your life and to be hurt to the core. Lisa is my friend and I wanted to take away her pain and to show this “faith salesman” up for what he was.

I researched the arguments about God / Gods / gods, faith and beliefs literally taking apart the history of organized religion as we know it- bringing in all the hypocrisy, past sins and present of organized religion as it crosses from one belief into anothers – the post got lengthier and lengthier and the plethora of links turned the post text green.

Yes, I can debate the inconsistency of religion and beliefs – point out the sheer nonsense and illogical thinking in ALL faith systems but what would it serve? Am I going to change the thinking? NO! I can only “believe ” in my own beliefs and why SHOULD I take it upon myself to influence others?

Here am I right in the middle of a Christian community and predominately a ” Roman Catholic city” . My ways are not their ways and my beliefs are not their beliefs and yet “their ways” have been forced upon me and my family by their parishioners and their priests/ bishops and their “culture” etc. Recently I was told that because Chris was cremated that negated his chance for resurrection and he was doomed for eternity ( nice thing to impart to a grieving mother).

I wonder if that person had been born in a predominately Indian community whether they would have “preached ” the resurrection theory – probably not-

“The Indian religions, such as Hinduism, Jainism, Sikhism and Buddhism, mandate cremation. In these religions, the body is seen as an instrument to carry the soul. As an example, the Bhagavad Gita. According to Hindu philosophy the human body is a combination of five basic natural elements; namely agni (fire), jala (water), vayu (air), prithvi (earth) and akasha (space/ether). When one dies, fire (agni tattva) ceases, and that living form is sent to its original state of creation. Fire (in the form of cremation) is used to complete the fifth element.

What one believes depends upon your culture, customs where you are born and where you live. It does not make your belief right or wrong ;you are usually in the middle of the majority for that area. I am not of the Indian culture but having an ancient heritage myself that had similar beliefs before the birth of Jesus Christ and the “organized “catholic church” ( the true definition of the meaning of catholic) a person who belongs to the universal Christian church- I can understand the beliefs of some of the Indian religions.

I would like to think “COMPASSION for those that grieve “ knows no boundary among the organized religious beliefs just the common denominator of humanity . Let me let you into my world and others who have lost a child once again – IT IS DIFFERENT FROM ANY OTHER LOSS IN YOUR LIFE-

Heart Thorns by Chris Ritchey

Unless one has lived through the losing of a son or daughter and had to watch as their grasp on the spark of life fades along with the hope – the sheer exhaustion of hour after hour- day after day – night after night and the tremendous toll it takes on your heart, body and mind – the ability to breathe, to stay strong fighting a losing battle and yet not daring to give up – just incase there is the slightest chance.

You have no idea the sheer terror , questioning , hoping , praying , the deals made with God, the what ifs – why is this happening- are we being punished – what can I do ? You are scared to leave their side to rest incase the worst happens whilst you aren’t there . You are mentally, emotionally and physically at the lowest ebb – you are desperate and as you quietly scream internally, you hedge your bets clinging onto anything that would take away the pain and heal your child as you watch your child fade before your eyes and the helplessness overwhelms you.

You hope against hope that even if YOU aren’t worthy of compassion or of “God’s benevolence” that one of the, in Chris’s case, thousands of people world-wide at least “one” would be deserving of having a prayer answered. .

When you outlive your child there is a guilt – a guilt that you wake in the morning and they don’t and that somehow you were lacking. You have no idea that even after death the wounds remain with you every day- you can relive those days in a flash all at once – everything you felt and hoped and dreamed and the utter despair floods in – you are at the mercy of grief.

So for some troglodyte of humanity to tell a grieving father that had he had faith his son would have been healed sickens me. There are times I want to leave this community , to run away but I would take my grief with me no matter the culture .

I am sick of politicians bringing God into everything nationally and locally – I am sick of the God Squad of athletes praying for a touchdown or a goal. I am tired of the self-righteous, pontificators of “their particular” brand of religion being forced upon one because they are in the majority of thinking in any one area. I am sick of wars based upon religion with all sides proclaiming God/ Allah/ Buddha/ Zeus/ Jehovah or whoever is on their side.

We KNOW nothing We just know the “stories and the fables and the experiences of others” passed down through a few thousand years- we only know what we believe and have “faith ” in and the caveman as he crawled out of his cave and saw fire from the sky had his beliefs too. We are just as ignorant and in more than one occasion lately it is the ignorance rather than the compassion that is at the fore.

You have your way – others have theirs and “I am sorry” and a touch of a hand will suffice to those that grieve. For those that preach at me about forgiveness- just because you say I should doesn’t mean I am able or willing to forgive the cataclysm of selfishness that has been thrust upon my family by those who can……..

to be continued…………………….

Entry filed under: a Cow -elle opinion, Brit take, Chris Ritchey, hell is other people, religion. Tags: , , , , .

Guess who came to dinner and stayed – Guest Blogger Misty Things I have learned in the past three days- Amies (Hardy) – Amie

12 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Lisa  |  January 17, 2012 at 11:47 pm

    Finally, thanks to your ignorant, word-vomiting acquaintance, I have the answer to one of my biggest questions. I will never have a dream of or visit from Gabriel because I doomed him (his soul?) for eternity by caring enough to cremate his dead body. Who knew I was so freakin’ powerful? 🙄

    Thank you for this post. You always do a great job at putting this whole grief experience into the best words possible. ♥

  • 2. Dave Cotton  |  January 18, 2012 at 5:16 am

    Well said!!!!
    To “people of faith” Believe what you must but don’t force it on the rest of us!

    Thank you for your passion, Loraine.

  • 3. Loraine Ritchey  |  January 18, 2012 at 12:28 pm

    As I sat recently and suffered the “lectures” nodding politely so as not to be disrespectful to another’s beliefs I wondered why they thought they felt they could impart their ” beliefs and punishments to me” – I have somewhat of a reputation for saying what I think but I really don’t – I do pull my punches – you should have seen the original posts and there were more than one – did I not publish them because I felt I was being disrespectful to others beliefs ( and I wasn’t brought up that way) or am I a hypocrit?

    I have a huge regret that I didn’t throw Tim and Sue Lombardi out of the hospital room so I could spend my sons’ last moments without those two and therefore my husband could have then have been with me and his son. Nikki and I talked about that yesterday when I was having one of my “puddle days”- but you see there was a chance that Chris knew what was happening and I couldn’t take that chance that his last moments would be filled with his mother “being his mother” – There are so many things I should’ve done differently with that whole family and the “medical entourage” that trailed after Angela- There are so many times I have regretted giving her the respect/consideration I gave her- it wasn’t her due -but as Nikki said we did it for Chris we hoped against hope that he would pull through and he didn’t need more angst…….. but yet I live with my regrets but I will not live like that that again- I am sorry Lisa the man is a fool – the people who impose their “punishing beliefs” upon us are fools and sheep – You had and have experienced a pure love and that is more powerful than any man made- up pusnishment or rhetoric……… Loraine

  • 4. Grammy  |  January 18, 2012 at 1:09 pm

    Thanks for saying what I was having trouble expressing in a polite fashion. I’ve suffered those “slings and arrows” on another level and can emphasize completely. “Well meaning” people should just shut the f*** up.

  • 5. Lisa  |  January 18, 2012 at 10:54 pm

    And I should have finished my comment by mentioning once again that I wish you didn’t know this loss and grief well enough to write about it like you do.

    I am harder on myself over Gabriel’s life and death than any “man made-up punishment or rhetoric” could ever be. Reality is harsh enough.

    Awww, Grammy was bad and said the f word and meant empathize 😉

  • 6. Grammy  |  January 19, 2012 at 12:24 am

    Thanks Lisa, you know how I get when I type when I’m typing faster than thinking.

  • 7. Loraine Ritchey  |  January 19, 2012 at 12:30 am

    Right you are Lisa- the nights that drew around when the only sounds were those of the monitor and the click clud of the vent the only accompaniment to thoughts that were crying out for answers and miracles all the while saying to the emptyness – take me take me instead…… whilst your eyes searched for a movement a flicker anything ……. those days I live still everyday – those emotions are ever present ………..

  • 8. Dennis Lamont  |  January 19, 2012 at 9:47 pm

    Lorraine and Lisa, You two are especially good at weeding, separating the wheat from the chaff, picking the “stuff” out of the pepper. Take your valuable talent and consign the thoughtless, the hypocrites and the dogmatists to the trash barrel ….they should have no weight nor meaning toward your life. Cast them into the pit, not yourselves, you deserve better!

  • 9. Loraine Ritchey  |  January 19, 2012 at 10:41 pm

    I know I try Dennis but sometimes the scum rises to the top again and with it all the crap it brings with it…….. 🙂

  • 10. Lisa  |  January 20, 2012 at 12:14 pm

    can I get an amen to that 😉

  • […] I have become one of the great unwashed – there is a freedom in not caring I have suffered the most untenable pain of loss of my son and in the events and selfishness that surrounded that death and the realization that there are very few that care for others before themselves in any of the my world. Even the world of faith, that comforts so many, has been sullied. https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2012/01/17/i-am-folk-weary-god-with-us-or-gott-mitt-uns/ […]

  • […] persuasion) because if you can’t trust the “men of God ” well Gott Mit Uns https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2012/01/17/i-am-folk-weary-god-with-us-or-gott-mitt-uns/ maybe the jack boot of right by might will be found marching to YOUR door one day no matter YOUR […]

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