February 3rd- the earth is flat- Chris Ritchey

February 3, 2012 at 4:10 pm 4 comments

I have been on the rollercoaster of yin and yang again this week. My ticket to ride a new little life and all that goes with it. As I sat in the hallway outside the “Birthing Room” at EMH- watching as dads scurried back and forth to the vending machine and an expectant mother walked her labor and they smiled at this plump rather disheveled probable grandmother – if they only knew the anguish and control she was trying to keep as she weakly smiled in return.

The corridor had a bank of windows which overlooked the surgical waiting room down below- I had no choice but from my vantage point to look out onto the very chairs where I had sat with my daughter as Chris was going through an exploratory surgery for a cancer diagnosis. The surgeon, not hopeful and those words

Yes it is more than likely cancer- I suggest you get an oncologist.

Just a one floor down from where I was sitting my heart broke – a journey began .

Yet, one floor up and on another winter day, I waited once more as another journey was beginning for a child of mine as well, a happy journey but one as any mother will tell you comes with pain. Since I had a cold, I masked and gloved myself – again taking me back to the time my son needed me most and I sat masked and gloved – removed from touch or smile . The mere gesture of putting on that mask again caused my stomach to tightened, a cold grip cramping my heart-my throat tightening fighting the inevitable tears but once again a child of mine was vulnerable so I fought down the need to run or dissolve.

I watched my daughter’s little face as the nurse said

“at 36 weeks there is a danger of respiratory problems” –

I wanted to shout at her –

Well what is she supposed to do about that – why mention it to her she can’t stop her labor can she?

I said nothing just

‘It will be alright”-

but that is what I had said to my son and it wasn’t and she knew it – her eyes told me of her fear.

The nurse then reiterated the “breathing issue” I watched the stress effecting her through the monitor as I watched it happen with Chris.

No! not this time – the “professionals” were not going to do this again.

I said ”

Do not pay any attention to that Nikki – do not listen – this baby is not 36 weeks I know that and so does the baby”.

I told the nurse out of my daughter’s hearing –

IF there are any concerns you tell her husband or myself – you do not mention anything in front of her- there is nothing she can do – this “right to know” has to be treated with SOME intelligence.

I am sure I was classified that “bitch of a mother in 306 “ once again but I didn’t and don’t care.

The nursing staff had no idea that since the birth of my daughter’s first child in that unit 2 1/2 years previously her world had been rocked to its foundations- she had lost her brother- the memory of him talking her through from his hospital room to her, seeing her through as she was in labor with her first-born – on her mind and in her heart , faced the evil obscenity of cancer, lost members of her family through their selfishness and control and then trying to be brave knowing her new little one was early – and now she was just an insurance number with a patient ID being given “possible” news- clinical and cold from a “stranger” .

Thankfully, a little boy came into this life announcing his displeasure at being poked and prodded with lungs that let everyone know they were working and my tears were allowed to fill my eyes as I looked at the complete happiness that radiated from my daughter’s face.

I have regrets I didn’t do what my gut told me to do as my son lay dying in the Cleveland Clinic – I will no longer ignore my ” gut feeling ” ever again whether it comes to situations or people. And as another month passes I realize the earth is flat, it has to be , because I am hanging for dear life on to the edge of it trying not to fall off .

Entry filed under: Chris Ritchey, grief, journey, Love, Mothers, personal opinion. Tags: , .

Mark PUente – The rebuttal- document Montelon/ City of Lorain The Democratic Machine – Lorain Ohio- Politics aside

4 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Grammy  |  February 3, 2012 at 9:55 pm

    Once upon we had to make a decision from the gut, it turned out to the correct one for the one who had to make it and live with the results. Sometimes that is the only decision you can make, from the gut. I’ve learned to agree with your assessment.

  • 2. aka mozart  |  February 4, 2012 at 3:13 am

    listen to one’s heart? l.isten to one’s head? i always get it confused..sometimes they are just both wrong…just better not to listen…if you do fall Loraine..I wish you a soft place to land.

  • 3. thatwoman  |  February 4, 2012 at 12:43 pm

    Oh no Denise is is never a good idea NOT to listen trust me on that one 😉

  • 4. maryspringowskiMary  |  February 22, 2012 at 5:36 am

    Your grandson and I share a birthday?! How cool is that! Congratulations on this precious child! Much love to all!

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February 2012

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