Mother’s Day- 2012- Gifts and Ghosts = a fishy story
This little plaque hangs by the stove in the kitchen. It was Chris’s first artwork and Mother’s Day gift made for me by my son when he was in nursery school, he was but 4 years old and chubby little hands held on tight as he proudly presented it to me . I have seen it every day for 27 years and every day I am reminded of my son , a love and a Mother’s Day .
I am lucky in the respect I still have my mum, although the past months have been traumatic for her – losing her only grandson to the “obscenity of cancer” – her farewell to him taken from her due to the “obscenity of control” and her independence/ home of 27 years to the “obscenity of selfishness” -amazingly she is still here to comfort me to wipe my tears and make me a cup of tea when things are dark and dire. I am truly thankful for her – she is light in my darkness.
I remember one morning, when I was not more than Gavin’s age, having a terrible realization that one day “my mummy would die”. I ran sobbing into her bedroom and climbed under the eiderdown and snuggled- broken-hearted. She cuddled me and eased my fear with a promise she would live another 20 years.
Twenty years – it seemed a very long time to one who had no concept of time so I was placated and Daddy brought us both a cup of tea in bed.
These past Mother’s days since my son -Chris- died
have been bitter sweet- watching Nikki enjoy her little boy Gavin and being a mum and now with her new little boy Braedyn – Mother’s Day has come full circle .
The smile, yesterday, as little hands picked out goldfish and the look on his little face so reminiscent of that little boy clutching the little plaque. I should explain, we now have a fish tradition. I have to tell Gavin every time he comes over and feeds the fish the story of the Ghost Koi and why he different from the other fish.
I thought he had learned his lesson but last Mother’s day along with my tadpoles that have turned hopefully into frogs ( I know two did ) I watched as Chris slipped something else into the pond. A Ghost Koi!
“Oh Chris ! why would you buy another Koi? you know they never survive the winter”
“I needed to get this one and it’s Mother’s Day so you have to accept it “
as he mischievously grinned up at me from the water’s edge
So this Mother’s Day it was Gavin’s gift of fish for mummy, since my fish balloon of Christmas ,now but a sad relic of what it once was, Gavin is intrigued with fish . After feeding the Koi at Pandy’s on the flowers for Mother’s Day trip, we went to Pet Smart and Gavin picked out three goldfish for his mummy. Although, somehow between the store and home they became Gavin’s fish- all called Nemo. Now there is a little tank to house the 75 cents worth of Goldfish that were going in his little pond in the garden. I have a funny feeling I will be running back out to Pet Smart when his little pond is done to buy a couple more, somehow I don’t think the three Nemos will be allowed to go to the pond and have a life of eating mosquitoes until their winter trip to my pond.
I am pleased to say the Ghost Koi has survived another winter as a matter of fact he is far bigger and superior to any other fish in the pond. I did see a large frog eating ( hopefully) his weight in midges. I am not sure how many frogs have survived but there is at least one of my frog Mother’s Day gifts keeping the Ghost Koi company. We also have counted 14 fry this spring- I am anxious to see if any resemble the “Ghost”. http://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2011/10/17/the-ghost-in-the-pond-continues/
I will cry tears of happiness and sadness this Mother’s Day I will hold my daughter and my mother close and remember ………………
They may cut the umbilical chord but they can never sever the heart strings!