A Memory of Vipers- Chris Ritchey

June 7, 2012 at 11:31 am 8 comments

It has been a very complicated and emotional week this week- whilst most in the world have moved on with lives, celebrated the memories of a royal rule- looked back- I am wearing my past like a cloak- which will flutter and swirl once in a while to let in the present. The cloak covers the ‘premonitions I used to have – smothers those possible glimpses into the future.

I haven’t wanted to write – I haven’t wanted to do much of anything- the past brings people into your lives some are welcome and some come with the slithering of self and polute your present ……. I have reprised my words of another June 7th just 6 months after the death of Chris……..

I. https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2010/01/03/in-search-of-my-son-and-in-search-of-me/

II. https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2010/02/03/today-the-third-is-a-trigger/

III. https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2010/03/03/the-gift-chris/

IV. https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2010/04/03/love-plus-loss-does-not-equal-logic/

V. https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2010/05/03/no-answers-my-son-chris-ritchey/

VI.

I am so weary my son, my strength gone, my direction unknown. SIX MONTHS TODAY THE DECISION TO STOP YOUR HEART AND SHATTER OURS!

Another anniversary, the past six months has been nothing but a series of anniversaries . Days we remember and get through ever since that terrible day of diagnosis. Every day is a reminder of your journey of your young life, a graduation, start of treatment, a birthday , holidays, stem cell transplants starting and stopping, flights to Texas, flights to England to play soccer, laughter on a snowy day , weddings,

“what were we doing last year, two years ago , 5 years ago ?

There are only anniversaries left to us now. There is no present or future to share with you -just anniversaries of the past.

Friends and family watch to see if we are finally OK or healing. Some look for signs of normalcy coming back into our lives.

Normalcy, what is that ?- I can tell you that normal for us has become- getting through the days and nights , hour by hour , trying hard not to release the agony we feel at your loss in front of each other so as to not be a reminder of the pain. Trying to be strong , to support each other and failing. Sometimes we hide behind our doors , sometimes we long to be alone so we can let go the suffocating grief that demands to be free – a primeval scream of sheer pain that echoes through our world.

Normalcy has become your family receiving – narcissistic , thoughtless and unasked for correspondence delivered to Nana, Uncle , Nikki , Jim and even little Gavin in shoe and grocery boxes along with a dead man’s clothes ( yours) delivered via the mailman of death – a funeral director. He was also the bearer of another note, and another day that will be remembered with pain. This is our normalcy .

This week will find another anniversary , your wedding anniversary . I too will remember that day.

The day of the rehearsal dinner, I was fighting against an overwhelming mixed bag of emotions, I couldn’t make out why this feeling of

This wedding is not a good thing

Those thoughts unbidden caused much distress that morning. Nikki was so angry with me she came over and told me off as only she can.

I drove to Lakeview alone that day and looked at the lake and at the lighthouse where your sister and I had helped you plan your “will you marry me” to Angela Lombardi.

I sat in the car and argued out loud with myself that hot day .

“What the hell is wrong with you, why aren’t you happy you should be happy –

Yes, Chris has been diagnosed with Hodgkin’s but the prognosis is good, why aren’t you wanting to celebrate?

Angela has stood by him through this diagnosis , she has helped him – she has stuck by him- this has to be such a difficult time for her – ( I admired her and was grateful to her for that)

He is getting married , starting a life so what is it with you ? Why are you sitting here at Lakeview looking out at the lighthouse and feeling such a dreadful feeling – Her family is that it?

Her family , well you don’t really know them , met them socially all of a dozen times probably spent less that 24 hours in their company. The picture of them you had formed wasn’t flattering but then again they probably did the same with us and hey they will be Chris’ problem not yours.

The father seems OK for a weak and weedy sort of chap.

The mother , Oh well that will never be a relationship I can see that. ( Mama Sue) may be aptly named as she seems to be the one in charge.

The sisters.Well not much to think about there as they obviously don’t think for themselves.

The grandfather seems alright – The grandmother well she seems nice enough even if she is a bit puddin’ headed.

So why are you sitting here feeling like a brick of doom is going to drop from the sky? This is your son’s wedding , he needs and deserves to be happy , to laugh and dance and forget his illness. So stop it !!! put on a good face and support your son in this his most special of days.”

And I did –

I met the priest, that evening of the rehearsal dinner and again the feeling of

“something is not right, why are my warning bells going off- I don’t even know this man”-

– unfortunately I do now.

Yes , another anniversary, one that I wished had never happened, because the joining of “that family” because of your marriage has since your death and the days preceding it caused even more pain than I thought was possible .

The weak and weedy father – enabled “the product of his loins” to take from your father his closure.

The ensemble thinking sisters enabled that sweet-faced basilisk to take from your sister her brother.

The grandparents enabled her to almost kill your own Nana denying her a last goodbye-

and finally
“that motherand I use that term without affection , so self-righteous and pompous is beyond cruel in her enabling and unless I miss my guess directing of Angela. I won’t forget what she enabled her child to do to this family.

Your name was RITCHEY , NOT – Lombardi , Vyka , Gonzales, Gott or Zaworski . You were taken to their faith and their closure, denying your family even the “time of your interment in their selfishness.”

As someone said

“it is like Chris’ family didn’t exist”

They are unfortunately strangers who have come like thieves in the night who plundered and pillaged in our sorrow and have gone back to their little lives thinking they are the ones hard done by .

Ah ! the notes delivered by the mail drop of death resonate with their narcissism and holier than thou self -righteous pompous piety .

Quote from Angela Marie ( Lombardi) Ritchey

“I” was Chris life. he was the happiest when he was with “ME” and if you deny that then you didn’t know your brother.….”

Yes ,this is now our normalcy dealing with the dregs that have been left to us in the bottom of our cup from the heady “wedding wine”.

Yes another anniversary one that brought a nest of vipers into your family’s bosom, to crawl and slither , strike and leave behind the poison of anger when it should’ve been so different.

Everything should’ve been different but we are left to deal through more anniversaries missing you , remembering you and fighting to remember the wonderful times we had with you before the Cancer when you made our family complete.

WILD HORSES


Angela (Lombardi) Ritchey – Study in Red by Christopher D. RITCHEY

Graceless Lady

Advertisements

Entry filed under: a Cow -elle opinion, Chris Ritchey, death, hell is other people, Mothers, personal opinion. Tags: , , , , , , , .

Concrete in the lungs- June 3rd – Chris Ritchey WONDERLAND- it’s bacccccccckkkkk—-Another fine mess…..

8 Comments Add your own

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Trackback this post  |  Subscribe to the comments via RSS Feed


Categories

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 188 other followers

June 2012
M T W T F S S
« May   Jul »
 123
45678910
11121314151617
18192021222324
252627282930