Archive for August, 2012
It has been one year since another “ I want”- ME! ME! ME! and bugger how it affects anyone else came slithering in on the slimy secrets of self.
You do not deliver a lifestyle change to a 92-year-old woman without preparing her, which would have been up to me. That was taken completely out of our hands- he is just fortunate she didn’t have a heart attack.
Mum has to move. The story is long and complicated ( aren’t they always) but the bottom line is another “Because they can cretin“ . And absolutely no thought to the consequences as to HOW news like this would affect a 92 years old, delivered out of the blue. Why ? – because the path these “narcissistic non- thinkers” choose has no other travellers but themselves.
This meant 27 years of memories and “precious things” she had saved and brought over with her from England when she retired – the giving up of one’s independence , watching the things people had given her through the years go into the trash – things she had lovingly saved and kept close to her in her lifetime journey of 92 years has to go .
There has been an adjustment in the family and this house 🙂 obviously! With my mum , what furniture we could save, and a dividing of space within this old house, because I learned long ago everyone needs a space that is just for them where they can retreat to their own thoughts, there is an adjustment of change by just living with other people, their ways and needs. I have to say, from my perspective, for the most part our lives have slotted in very well.
Along with furniture and memories came Tetley. Now Tetley is a very opinionated dog , he also doesn’t listen well but loudly proclaims to anyone daring to walk down the road his presence.( as the poor neighbors will attest) I believe Tetley sees himself as “bull mastiff” rather than a a fluffly blonde bundle of fur on 4 little legs.
His life has changed too- no more cut up and spoon fed cooked chicken breast for him, who nightly had to be coaxed to eat. Tetley now waits eagerly for his morning and evening meal of “regular dog food”! Gone are his finicky bathroom habits ( walk me twice a day before I will “go”)- Tetley has learned there is an area in the back yard for his “jobs” and now takes great pride in making his needs known.
Of course he will not go outside in the morning until Misty stirs for her morning to begin, Tetley waits patiently and then follows her out with glee, tail held high and a spring in his step. You see Tetley has to wait – Misty too needs her space and alone time so the “master” bedroom is off limits to Tetley!
Ah! Misty,( she of the I KNOW THERE IS A FROG IN THAT POND- HUNTER OF FISH ) her life has changed too, she now has this annoying little “friend” who has invaded her space and home. Misty, is truly the most patient of dogs( JUST ASK THE FROGS) and has taken it in stride, that is of course unless my husband pays too much attention to Tetley that is definitely a No! No ! then Misty makes full use of her size to muscle Tetley elsewhere.
And speaking of husbands, he now has two women in the house to contend with, although not in the kitchen; this woman is more than happy to give that space over to Mum as she is the much better cook! The apples on the tree no longer go to waste, there are pies, apple crisp, jars of apple sauce, apple chutney and now baked apples.
The kitchen sink never has dishes in it anymore and the dishwasher is emptied every morning (how about that????),steps are swept, brass shines and things are put away. Sometimes it isn’t safe to put down your glass of lemonade and leave the room as you will come back to find it gone and the glass in the dishwasher, but considering mum is also the maker of the homemade lemonade, I can’t complain!
I hesitate to ask Mum too much about how she has felt having to move here , especially since Chris died, there is more to deal with emotionally in this house as the Gorilla of Grief
also hangs out here . I am afraid she might tell me! I was worried initially because over this whole situation she lost 24 lbs , aged and was confused as to the situation, her loss of independence and the trauma of packing up her home once again has taken a toll on her physically and definitely emotionally. My mother is a kind and gently giving person and could not understand what happened .
Me, I enjoy her company , I enjoy having my mum and I realized at the beginning of this latest “change” I would have to remember I am once again the daughter and mother knows best 😉
Last week, on my birthday, I sat on the beach at Catawba with my daughter, my mother(Nana) and two little boys. I watched Gavin seriously busy explaining what he wanted Nana to do ( the 90 years that separate them not an issue) she held Braedyn and the sound of Nikki’s laughter at the “yum yum pigs bum you can’t have none “ dialogue ( sorry pre school teacher my grandson’s exposure to poetry ( cough) it is all the fault of a 93 year old! brought me to realize how lucky we are to have her still in our little family – that has very few left ( one who was wrenched from us and others who chose “self” above all no longer worthy of apple pie, special poetry and undying love. and I hope we have my mum (Nana) for a long time yet!
It isn’t as if I have writers’ block , maybe it is grief gridlock or that I am a becoming a marshmallowy pillow of a vehicle . I keep absorbing the information, the stories, tucking away the posts in a part of my mind but although I am taking on board the fuel I just can’t get to the gas pedal. I could write about so many things – most of them already started:
The continuing journey of in search of my son but the stop sign on that particular street is the cost to continue – it takes a great toll on me physically and emotionally- I have to move forward slowly – there is no E-Z pass available .
Healthcare and the Drs. – that has been started with so much to cover but I know eventually I will have to pull out the terrible memories at the Cleveland Clinic and relive those days of horror in order to explain the treatment courses for “refractory Hodgkin’s Lymphoma”.
This particular stop sign finds me with “guilt gridlock” as I know I can help those that come to my blog every day with the search term “is Hodgkin’s curable”. I know, just like I did, they need and want answers in lay terms and I could help with the potholes and speed bumps and no exits on that journey. The engine of bravery is barely ticking over.
The research needed and time to discover the who is who- there is an apathy that has controlled me these past weeks and I can’t get out of 1st gear on this one. So the information sits and idles on my desk top!
It is all there waiting – the caution lights blinking – because the road to be followed is not on the map and the responsibility of the driver’s seat has left me stalled. The openness of the road is daunting.
That vehicle is so full it cannot get past the weight scales to get back on the road. There are just so many passengers it is a quandary as to who should get off the bus first. There are 65 categories on this blog and I have a tale to tell for each and everyone of them .
Freedom – the price of freedom – and the perception of freedom- is freedom relative?
Exploring this road finds me in need of a licence to continue?
This vehicle has an empty seat and its fuel gauge is hovering around low so short trips are the outcome . There seems to be “missing” stops signs along the way.
So here I am in the lay by of life at the moment assessing thedamage of continuous fender benders waiting for the gridlock to break and finding the energy needed to start the engine and continue.
When you publish a blog or run an “informative” website there are many pitfalls. Those of us who administrate a blog have a responsibility that no matter how controversial our thoughts, opinions and writing of situations to try to be fair, document and try and do due diligence BUT to write the TRUTH .
However life isn’t fair ( for some of us) and our anger, angst and need to reach out with our various “passions” we want to get “our story” or platform out for whatever reason. We are usually not opening up the law books, calling media attorneys as we sit typing in our pajamas 🙂 or wondering can I take a photo of a person inside a room and publish as opposed to outside 😉
Yes, poor partying Prince Harry– and the displaying of the family jewels and now the muzzling of the UK media to stop them printing the photos ( as they were taken inside rather than out) –
a bit ridiculous in this day and age for the Palace to muzzle or even try in the UK – It is no longer the 1930’s when Harry’s bottom ( which is rather a nice bottom(imho) is already click away all over the world in various publications and websites. Horse and barn and all that rot eh what?
Ironically enough, I would lay crumpets to crowns that those in the British Isles, who are banned from seeing Harry in the buff on the front pages of the UK press , would not have any outrage at Harry but will smile knowingly at a young man’s antics and see it as just a bit of a lark! Their outrage would probably be directed at the muzzling of the press in the UK. At least that is my opinion “Marm”
Those past readers of WoM will remember the Perez Hilton episode when he and his blog followers went after a woman in Ohio for her comments – she was outed by the blog and Perez Hilton as to her real name . Unfortunately , a woman in Lorain bore the same name, and had been part of an event posted about Lorain on the now defunct WoM blog.
The internet search of the name led the ” hue and cry of rabid commenters” to a perfectly innocent individual who had never heard of Perez Hilton. It was a very nasty experience for the Lorain woman. It took a great deal of work and contacting the site to stop the harassment.
Most bloggers are not “professional” ( at least to start with) we have sound bites of “legality ” –
freedom of speech- nothing is sacred on the internet
and we,as bloggers, can get caught up in that perceived ” blanket protection.”
Some readers when against your writings will throw out terms like slander/ defamation or even will use the threat in comments section when as the nom de plume “old ironknickers” will threaten “upyournose” with a lawsuit – good luck with that 🙂 .
I believe the anger when people are banging away at each other with
you’re stupid, you’re a dumbass , idiot
and such comes from the fact they have a limited command of the english language – a thesaurus might come in handy on the desk 🙂
This situation has caused a bit of a worrying side (locally) to the story, at least from my perspective, fear of the published content. I have had phone calls etc from other amateur local bloggers worried about what they can or can’t do – I am not an expert and I too am finding my way through the “internet”. . Has the ripple effect of this Lorain happening caused ( at least locally) the self- imposed muzzling of freedom of speech.
However bloggers , there is an excellent resource available to guide you through.
The Citizens Media Law Project
There are many resources and explanations on this site
for instance Ohio Law on defamation
You can also find out more about libel and slander in Ohio here
“Understanding the difference between libel and slander”
Defamation Law: The Basics
This blog is ranked on the global scale, behind google and face book etc, at 9,390,206 in the global community ( have a way to go before I am considered for fame and fortune) but my point is there are millions and millions of us typing away but TRUTH is still the best defence.
2739.02 Defenses in actions for libel or slander.
In an action for a libel or a slander, the defendant may allege and prove the truth of the matter charged as defamatory. Proof of the truth thereof shall be a complete defense. In all such actions any mitigating circumstances may be proved to reduce damages.
Effective Date: 10-01-1953
In Search of my Son Part 18
Once again a week in August – a time past of celebration – the happiness of a wedding anniversary , your birthday and then mine used to cause your father such consternation ( a lot of money outgoing all in one week :).) As you grew, we started to combine the celebrations , after all, we “shared your birth” – you , I and your dad as had watched as his son was brought into the world that August day.
But that next day , whilst your Nana was being picked up from the airport and everyone was busy preparing for our homecoming, Nikki wanting to meet her little brother was all excitement – you and I had a quiet time in the hospital room – a time to bond.
I held you , propped up on my knees, looking at your little face, all red and blotchy, little finger nails so perfect and I made the promises mothers make- I talked to you of life , your big sister and how I would never let you down , I would do everything I could to keep you safe and give you happiness. I was so grateful for the gift of your life. I can remember every word I spoke to you that morning and then Dr. Shotz telling me as long as my mother would be at home with me we could leave and start our lives as mother and son and take home MY birthday gift – YOU!
Your last birthday on this planet – saw my failure – I did try but I couldn’t keep my promises made on your “birth – day.
I sat in the Cleveland Clinic waiting room, which reminded me of an airport waiting area – the big electronic sign boards telling of the status of patients and their respective surgeries – holding patterns – landed – in flight or in this case – recovery – in operating room etc. It made me feel quite ill at the cold technology announcing “status” of those under the knife in the same way planes landed at Hopkins Airport.
I sat trapped having to listening to what I considered inane comments , stupidity and selfishness of thinking by your bride’s vacuous grandmother and her brood https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2011/09/03/september-3rd-war-movin-on-hell-truly-is-other-people-chris-ritchey/ who had decided to “surprise us” ( although I know your “bride” wasn’t surprised )
My whole being was fraught with worry that morning , my insides were shaking and sick with fear, what would they find? My son going under a surgeon’s knife – cutting into your neck to see if the obscenity of the curable cancer had once again beaten the ” treatment”.. I just wanted to go somewhere quiet away from chatter with my thoughts. I didn’t want to be polite. I just wanted peace.
They coffee clutched the time away with their frivolous discussions of fashions, cake , birthdays and celebrations seemingly without thought of how this would affect those that did truly love you ). If there ever was a time where I heard my own grandmother’s voice it was then ” Remember Loraine, breeding will out”
I wanted to scream and shake them as the grandmother decided it would be a good time for a betting game- we were all supposed to pick a time from the time your name came on the big board informing us you were now in the operating room as to how long it would take for you to be under the knife and the time of the surgery .
“Angela it isn’t fair though you can’t be part of this as being a doctor you would know the answer – giggle, giggle, giggle” Lisa what do you say? Frank? 45 minutes, 55? an hour?
and so it went.
Nikki had excused herself and I was left alone with them. I ignored the game as best I could and tried to ignore them, all the while wishing they were somewhere else – anywhere but there, but the puerile woman would not shut up –
Come on Loraine you must have a guess, join in – otherwise you won’t win! Angela , do we have time to go to the cafeteria – Loraine isn’t it your birthday too in a couple of days – it is Chris’ today isn’t it – will you have a party, what kind of cake, will your mother be baking one or two?
I wanted to reach across the arm of the chair , as she prattled, joined by her granddaughters, and throttle her. I wanted to scream at them
Shut Up! are you all so damned insensitive you can’t see your imbecilic diatribe is ripping me apart, I don’t care about your nonsensical games , I am in torment that my son will die- can’t you see our pain you stupid,selfish people?
I kept quiet for my son’s sake. I felt like I was being swept away and immersed into a mindless black comedy. Shades of things to come, as your next birthday they placed cake and balloons on your grave.
I could stand it no longer and went outside where I vomited the choking bile into a gutter, floods of tears, held back for hours , exploded from me. Nikki came to find me and we sat away from the “prattlers” until the announcement to meet with the Dr.
As much as I try I cannot get your last birthday out of my head as the surgeon confirmed that the cancer was back- a gift of death on your birthday I had Nikki take me home – I knew that if you saw my face as you came round in the recovery room- you would know things were bad and I couldn’t bring you that pain on your birthday and I knew I couldn’t hide the horror from you ! Guilt swept over me as I also knew that by me not being there when you woke up would also cause you concern- I only hoped the excuse Nikki had to get back to feed Gavin would be plausible.I just couldn’t let you see what I know was written on my face.
I have, since you died, tried other ways to remember the day of your birth and to give Gavin, and now Braedyn, a present – a Chris – miss present so once again there will be joy, laughter and good memories associated with your special day. I try temper the memory of your last birthday and those uninvited purveyors of self with the happy laughter and giggles of your nephews.
This year, “Transformers” is the toy of the moment” Oh! how you loved that show and the robots when you were little – drove us crazy with them- and now Gavin has discovered “Transformers” and his mum will be plagued with Optimus Prime .
Nikki, will send another donation to your scholarship fund at LCCC to continue the remembering of you and your life – and I will try to make it through another
birth– day and try my very best to replace the awful memories of memories of that last birthday.
LORAIN COUNTY COMMUNITY COLLEGE LEADERSHIP AWARD- CHRIS RITCHEY
Debra L. Richter
Alumni and Scholarship Coordinator
Lorain County Community College Foundation
1005 N. Abbe Road
Elyria, OH 44035
440.366.7758 – Office
440.366.4078 – Fax
The Journey- In search of My son continues
Part One – In search of my son- In search of me
Part Two – Tourjours Moi-Always Me
Part Three – Always Me – Always Chris
Part Four – In search of My Son-
Chris Ritchey – Thanks
Part Five – Dark Humour- Shedding a Light
Part Six – The Unfinished Portrait
Part Seven– The Unfinished Portrait- The Artists
(2) Part Two – Who Are We Really?
Part Eight– When Premonition Becomes Hindsight
Part Nine– When Premonition Becomes Hindsight – Part Two
Part Ten (a) – There is an “I” in Death
Part Ten (b)- I didn’t know my son- Chris Ritchey
Part Eleven- Unfinished Portrait the Artistic Gene
Part Twelve- Unfinished Portrait- the Artistic Gene- Part Two
Part Thirteen– A Place of Echoes
Part Fourteen – An Absence of Laughter
Part 15 – Who I am , the artist speaks
Part 16- The Lowest Ebb- I knew my son- Chris Ritchey
Part 17 – The Journey Continues- I long for Laughter- Chris Ritchey
Disclaimer : These events are as I perceived them to be and are witnesssed and documented .
A day usually which comes with pain as your child starts the journey toward a first breath. If ever a pain can be described as exquisite it is the pain of bringing a life into the world. They say a mother forgets the pain, I am not sure that is true , the pain is tempered and put to the back of your memory replaced by your incredible feelings of love and joy of the child once held safely beneath your heart, the child of your heart, held at last in your arms.
There is no pain when the cord is cut from your body, a body which fed , protected, shared life and essence with your child for those months when you were one .
Your eyes see for the first time tiny hands reaching for a touch, those tiny feet and legs that kept you awake at night as they kicked and turned and moved getting ready for the journey of life. A little nose, mouth and eyes swollen , not quite seeing the world about them, the wrench of coming from warmth and safety into “life” and then the sound of a familiar heartbeat reaches little ears and warmth and comfort once again – a familiar place at his mother’s breast brings ease to your child. A birth -day
But when life is reversed and your child is wrenched from life , the memories of joy overpowered by the indescribable pain of loss – it bites, rips and tears at your insides, your heart contracts as death enters your world, your arms are empty – the pain is not exquisite and this time when the cord of life is cut a mother screams ………………and the fearful tormenting, slow torturing pain begins……..
I write this today as it would have been a celebration of a child who should be blowing out the candles on an all too sweet cake, exploring the world, laughing – a “birth” – day wish unfulfilled…………….. but a love that continues to grow, a child of the heart still fills his mother’s heart with love of him. I wish for the happy memories to blossom , to ease and temper pain of his mother and father and all who found such undying love on his “birth” day.
Remember the 1st Methodist Parsonage ? One of Lorain’s history mysteries and oldest homes from the Ohio Historic Inventory
Our first parsonage is pictured for you right along side of the little brick church. It was built when the church was built and cost $1,000. It stood on the northwest corner of Washington and W. Main St ( W. Erie) on lot no 110 of the original town plat ……..
The parsonage was a good house for those days but when Rev. J.P. Mills came in 1883 we find in records “The Parsonage underwent repairs, an addition was built, the grounds graded ….. The manse[cleric’s house] was sold when the old church was torn down. A Mr. Robinson , a young real estate dealer of the day, bought the property for $1,650.00 ……….
For many years a Miss Kate Baumgart owned the corner property but quite a few feet of land were taken off when W. Erie was widened. One of the oil companies bought the corner when it became eligible for business and the house was moved north on Washington and west on Fox St. ( 2nd St). If you go down that way you will see it about half way down the block on the north side. ………
Well it seems that historic old Parsonage has sold and GUESS WHO purchased it for $11,000 on July 30th 2012. quite the deal as it sold for $75,000 in 2006None other than our previously documented landlord Deborah Akin – documented because but she has been busy now 32 properties listed to her since that post on the 18th of June 2012
how about Deborah Akin and a quick search of the auditors site in her name only 29 properties and remember the those murderous gang lords the police have been tracking down well close to home here at 1026 Brownell –
Randy Glover pleaded guilty-
Glover, along with 21 other suspected gang members of Member of Blood or Money or Bitches gang…..He also pleaded guilty to earlier charges of two counts of felonious assault, having a weapon under disability, obstructing official business and two different counts of burglary……….Police believe the gang is responsible for nine of the last 12 murders in the city in the past four years and other violent crimes including home invasions, shootings, intimidation and drug trafficking.
How did that background check work out for you Deborah? I know how it worked out for my neighborhood.
So here we go again Deborah hasn’t obviously been checking or -in my opinion and perspective – gives a damn about the tenants- because I didn’t have to look up her latest tenant in the old parsonage……….. HE CAME TO ME- THROUGH THE SHERIFFS DEPT.
1543956 Henry Cardona 1018 2nd St Lorain OH 44052 View Record
his credentials include the fact that he is a ‘HABITUAL SEX OFFENDER” with rape under his belt, possession of drugs etc. two minutes to get his “history” and resume on Lorain Municipal Courts dockets.
Thanks Deborah – you sure know how to give this old neighborhood “HISTORY”
and the children play unaware in their innocence ……………….
to be continued