Between the worlds – The Black Hole Feeds
There is an article today on the BBC website about the Giant Black Hole getting set to feed in our galaxy
“Black holes have had a bad rap. We’ve always thought of them as these dark, brooding destructive entities, but it turns out their influence is much more creative. Black holes help to regulate galaxies, acting a bit like a pressure valve that prevents star formation from running away with itself”.
The Black Hole a pressure valve??? I have fought the “black hole” that pulls me in my grief like the clouds of cosmic dust that I have become – no longer stable and solid -just fragments of what I once was sliding around without direction in my own painful universe.
This week I am between worlds – I live and relive the last days of Chris’s existence on this planet- the terrors that held me and still reach out- I tried to find answers in these months of longing for release from a gravity of grief. There are no answers – where is the love and compassion that should come with the death of a son? Lost – in greed and selfishness. And yet I remember … these days of just yesterday ……….
THE ACTS OF PEOPLE- I still can’t understand-
I still find this scenario incredible What kind of people are more concerned in the “funeral fashion statement” of their son-in-law and new husband will wear as he is clinging to life. Who calmly looks at their dying groom and is concerned about jacket or no jacket, what kind of people are these ?- How could you even discuss this as a sister holds her dying brothers hand and tries to give him comfort. How could Angela even contemplate that next move? I just know that anyone who loved my son deeply would not be thinking of “dressing him in his coffin” in their last moments together !
I don’t know how I am going to write this today- I have been told due to the surgery earlier in the week not to blow my nose – ( I won’t go into detail)- that is hard not to do when tears are streaming down cheeks and all that goes with that. Writing about the events of the past year has been tremendously difficult – there are times I am crying so hard I can’t see- but our story has to be told- the truth must see the light of day because Chris is worth every tear , every word- He was taken from this family- by Cancer and by self-serving cruelty – this is the story as it effected and still effects this family and it will be written – it is the only closure given to me………….
The Alpha- The beginning of another kind of hell that day of losing our hope and your life that continues to swirl and pull – no peace -a closure denied – – the discovery of wickedness that shows the depths of selfishness that can be found even amongst those that preach compassion and love – an evil wickedness that compounds and adds to the already unthinkable that of outliving your child.
As shock and disbelief mixed with grief and love stirred with wickedness of self-service of those that proclaim faith an anger started to fill the emptiness of the vessel of my being -an anger that replaced the hope- an anger that grew with every passing day fed by the actions of cruelty and selfishness of those that professed a love.
Entry filed under: Chris Ritchey, Doctors/Physicians, grief, hell is other people, Mothers, opinion. Tags: Angela ritchey DO, black holes, Christopher D. Ritchey, christopher ritchey lorain, death, disgraceful, grief, Karma, Lombardi-Lorain, mothers and sons, obscenity of cancer.