…….”And do their mothers mortal hurt”…….

December 21, 2012 at 2:15 am 10 comments

chris cuddle

Even after these many months, I continue to walk in my parallel universe:


I have found there is a parallel universe- and those that walk in my universe see the twinkling holiday lights and decoration- they are peripheral to our sight and touch – they, along with the new fallen snow- bring no joy as we continue on our journey. We walk unseen through throngs of people smiling with packages, parties and laughter- they are seen but not recognized.

We, of the parallel universe, move through the same time and space not taking up space in that universe – a presence barely felt by those of the world of colour, noise and happiness.

These days of celebration, so looked forward to for so many years, are now “to be got through”.

xmas past

I am not alone in this parallel universe, there are other mothers , even those of us with other children and therefore as – “society” reasons – to be joyful we still can not walk hand in hand with the “hope of days”…….. hope was denied us.

We are changed- there is no word to describe a mother who has lost a son or a daughter , we, as a group, are “outwith” even the English language , we are all-knowing, we know the depths, we are impatient with celebration, we try, we honestly do, to ,if not exactly join in, to not spoil the celebrations.

But I must admit there are days of dour when I understand too well- Old Scrooge
departed col

“said Scrooge indignantly, “Every idiot who goes about with ‘Merry Christmas’ on his lips, should be boiled with his own pudding, and buried with a stake of holly through his heart.

I can understand the Grinch whose heart was two sizes too small wanting to stop this season:

“Every Who
Down in Who-ville
Liked Christmas a lot…

But the Grinch,
Who lived just North of Who-ville,
Did NOT!

The Grinch hated Christmas! The whole Christmas season!
Now, please don’t ask why. No one quite knows the reason.
It could be that his head wasn’t screwed on quite right.
It could be, perhaps, that his shoes were too tight.
But I think that the most likely reason of all
May have been that his heart was two sizes too small

Heart of Thorns- artwork Chris Ritchey

Heart of Thorns- artwork Chris Ritchey

But you see I know the reason my heart is too small and for my BAH! Humbug

It is a time in our lives – and I say “our” because we are many who walk among you- not for parties and celebration but of just trying to get through these days .

We are the mothers, who watched the child of their soul perish, lose their grip on life day after day , week after week, we who could do nothing. Our sons and daughters did not die for a greater good or cause but were lost to the obscenity of cancer and disease . We hoped , we made the deals , we watched life drain as disease and the cures took away our joy, giving us no peace on earth and goodwill toward men.

We struggle every day and every night – we are of different faiths , different cultures even different languages but we know each other , WE KNOW.

As the television spews out the “holiday cheer” of shop til you drop, the canned music playing 24 hours a day, the celebrations of different religious persuasions I once again turn to the Military Channel and World at War ( WW 2) (as I know at least how that turns out ).
Ghost of ww 2
Source: Ghosts of War -Jo Teeuwisse, Amsterdam

I watched, one soldier remembering his time of hell

When I came back from war- I could no longer “communicate” with the world around me – I didn’t care about what was so important to other in my community- I had lost that innocent part of my life- situations and things that were so important to others who had remained in their lives were no longer important to me- I lost the will and ability to communicate with life around me

The narrator then talked about the millions lost and quoted from a poet who died in 1944 on the battle field – I only heard part of the quote as the words cut me to the quick-

the (ones) who died and

“do their mothers mortal hurt”

mothersof hurt


For Scrooge, the Grinch and all the myriad of “hope stories” that abound this time of year there are the happy endings- that is not the case for the “mothers of mortal hurt”.

We get through- we are not “mentally ill” we are NOT an illness to be cured by pills , remonstrated with, suck it up for the sake of society, good will, the books of religious testaments and rules – are found wanting – as is a man in a red suit and white beard.

We take our respite where and how we can – we try to get through – do not try to manage us– you of the “others” have no idea of our path – we have seen the worst a mother can see! Our world no longer holds the bountiful, brilliant colours of celebration our colours are faded. It is not wrong it just IS………….

DO NOT judge us or label us the just be glad you aren’t one of us ……………………..

Grief is not disease


Entry filed under: a Cow -elle opinion, Chris Ritchey, Christmas, death, grief, Love, Mothers. Tags: , , , , , , .

Time Warner Cable – guys they came – they saw- they …….. The Continuing Time Warner Cable (Guys)

10 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Noel Myass  |  December 21, 2012 at 10:13 pm

    Once again, I tried and failed to get through the requisite workplace holiday luncheon. I might have had a real chance at success this year had it not turned into ‘bring your little ones to lunch’ day. I’m so done with and over this ‘holiday tradition’. Next year I’ll keep my sad sensitive grinchy self at home for everyone’s good. I don’t mind. Really.

  • 2. Loraine Ritchey  |  December 21, 2012 at 10:25 pm

    Actually I bet the cable guys thought I was probably Jewish because there isn’t ring tingler or a blue bobbler in site .. in this house… although Nana upstairs still has Granny’s Christmas Grotto 🙂 I have to say there is less stress in one respect….. I have no desire to celebrate or put the “Christ in Christmas” … to celebrate I would be a hypocrit….but I will do the Santa Claus thing for the ” two little boys” and put on a brave face…. and try not to remember the kind of “December “

  • 3. JC  |  December 22, 2012 at 3:05 pm

    Thank you, bowing.

  • 4. Hurting to  |  December 22, 2012 at 3:49 pm

    I hear and echo your pain but my child is not gone merely living a life of substance abuse and poor choices. My heart breaks as I watch their life spiral deeper and deeper feeling as though I have “lost” them to and yet the grief never ends because I watch the continual downwards spiral. I have had a dream so real where I was planning the funeral of my child I woke up in tears as I thought it was real…. Everyday my heartbreaks anew. My heart goes out to parents who have lost a child as well as their pain is so real to. I just want to acknowledge other parents like me who also travel that parallel universe of pain.

  • 5. Patricia  |  December 22, 2012 at 4:15 pm

    15 Christmases since … the christmas tree has returned to the livingroom – and a few decorations are sprinkled about – they are pretty – not beautiful or joyful – and still the emptiness, still the tears – though not as many. The only real change is my acknowledgement that my beloved Christopher doesn’t hurt anymore.

  • 6. Susee  |  December 23, 2012 at 12:00 am

    Oh Hurting to I am here right along side you feeling the loss of a beautiful child/woman to another life. It hurts too big time. I get you and thank you for being our voice.

  • 7. tracy  |  December 23, 2012 at 12:13 am

    As a grieving Widow this applies to me also and I appreciate you sharing ❤ My heart remains sad ….

  • 8. grahamforeverinmyheart  |  December 27, 2012 at 4:29 pm

    You’ve captured the pain that we feel.
    I just discovered your blog today and I’ve added it to my site http://www.scoop.it/t/grief-and-loss. I’ve been collecting blogs, articles, websites, videos and more by and for bereaved parents and siblings in memory of my 23 year old son who was killed 31 weeks ago.
    This is my first holiday season without my son and it’s been unbearable. Truly a parallel universe, as you say, but it’s a nightmare from which I can’t awake and find relief.

  • 9. thatwoman  |  December 27, 2012 at 4:57 pm

    I am so sorry we are all “enduring” such indescribable pain and anguish- unless you live it no one can fully understand the reality of this hell……. how even breathing is a chore…… and it doesn’t get easier – we just get better at hinding from others our torment of losing our son or daughter….. Loraine

  • […] Gillray’s print, Fashionable Contrasts- But whose feet are those? Trying to get through this season of happy , happy , joy , joy I have once again tried to escape to “lose” myself in history once more . https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2012/12/21/and-do-their-mothers-mortal-hurt-2/ […]

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Trackback this post  |  Subscribe to the comments via RSS Feed



Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 230 other followers

December 2012

%d bloggers like this: