April 3rd- changes- the empty chairs – Chris Ritchey
Dinners and egg hunts-
all coming together in a “confluence of emotions that beat against my being”.
We no longer celebrate anything the way we used to – all the holidays have changed. However, there is no empty chair at the table in the dining room- all the chairs are now empty on those special occasions. If I cook it is to “take a dish”. I could not bear to go though the rituals of celebration looking at the place at the table where you should be.
Everything has changed- we are all changed- no longer the people we were or will ever be again. You , not being there is not, I hope, too obvious to those who still join us in the celebrations.
Words are inadequate to say how much you are missed and with a longing borne in a silence which shouts its presence in the very depths of my being . Although you aren’t here you, my darling son, have literally become the 500 pound gorilla of grief in the room but we smile, make small talk and pretend all in fine so we can all get through yet another anniversary of days .
The memories of what should have been are as painful as those that were.
and another day and another week passes and yet the future is the past and the present and the missing you encompasses all……..
and so it passes until the next time…………..
Entry filed under: Chris Ritchey, death, grief, Love, men of substance, Mothers. Tags: Christopher D. Ritchey, christopher ritchey lorain, death, grief, motherhood, mothers and sons, obscenity of cancer.