June 3rd- no change but you- Chris Ritchey
The days, the weeks, the months go by- my emotional state ebbs and flows sometimes softly and sometimes raging torrents crash upon me. I manage to gear myself for meetings and known triggers. I try avoid the ones I know will reduce me to emotional incontinence. Those times, when I can’t function with the loss of you , when I have no control -see me turned inside out.
I manage to get through the scheduled meetings like a fighter in training I focus on the event, knowing the cost of control will cause a meltdown of me when I finally let go of the damming process.
This past couple of weeks has found the need of people coming together to once again to try to take back a quality of life in this old neighborhood, your old neighborhood. I managed to attend, I purposely geared my mind not think of you, for to have done so would have seen me once again a puddle.
Block Watches even “those” trigger – once again you were there . I opened the flyer sent by the Lorain Neighborhood Watch Council announcing a meeting and yes on the letter head was the logo you designed. I stopped breathing for just a second, I hadn’t expected it you see, although I should have . I was pleased that your work was still being utilized by this place you called home and I am grateful they still think your work worthy.
I remember so vividly your response when you came home that weekend from Cleveland Institute of Art. –
Chris the Police Chief is wanting to form a Block Watch Council of all the block watches and they need a logo- will do “some” for me? –
” Mum am I ever going to get paid for any of these things you have me do?”
No! put it down to community service
“If I was a mechanic would you have me fixing cars for free ?”
Yes! of course if you were a “good” mechanic!
You came up with 4 or 5 logos – a couple I could tell, were a bit hard-hitting and controversial and you said:
don’t worry they won’t choose those – they will choose the generic one
and they did .
As I opened the flyer announcing the latest BW meeting for this old neighborhood how I wished I could call you and say :
Chris I need ……
But instead the one thing I need is you and you are denied me ……………
Entry filed under: Chris Ritchey, death, grief, Love, men of substance, Mothers. Tags: Charleston Village, Christopher D. Ritchey, christopher ritchey lorain, CLeveland Institute of Art, death, grief, Lorain, Love, mothers and sons.