Archive for December, 2013
Gabriel Miller- a light still reaches into the darkness
Gabriel’s Last Day by his mother- Lisa Miller
http://bustershouse.wordpress.com/2013/12/31/gabriels-last-day/
This post from Lisa is honestly and terribly beautiful in its torment and shows a mother’s love for her child- and how those that grieve try to walk upright- her last two paragraphs are ones that every mother who has lost has experienced …
As I walked through the automatic doors of the CICU [cardiac intensive care unit] for the last time, the hallway appeared to stretch itself out before me, becoming endless. I stood up a little straighter and set out to make that endless walk through the hospital and across the street to the safety of our room without completely losing it in front of everyone along the way. Little did I know then what good practice that was going be for my new future.
* * * *
It has taken me four years to tell you the story of Gabriel’s last day. I remember every moment of his final two weeks in the hospital – and especially his death – as if it just happened. His death literally took my words away and society reinforced my silence as a condition of being allowed into the land of the living. After all, the grieving are so much easier to deal with when they keep their sorrow to themselves. 😕I was reminded of that by a relative on Christmas Day this year. His boisterous “Merry Christmas!” greeting to me was met with as much of a smile as I could muster and I said “Something like that. Thanks, same to you.” He quickly responded “Well, this is a happy holiday for everyone else.” I sarcastically thanked him for that friendly reminder and went on to endure being a spectator to the festivities (again) and being reminded at every turn who was missing (still). Merry Christmas and Happy New Year indeed. 😐
2013
2012
https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2012/12/30/gabriel-miller-a-child-of-light-remembering-the-smile/
Gabriel’s smile was bestowed for a just a briefness of time , but it remains in the hearts of his mummy and daddy . They, in turn, share with us a small smile sparkling in the darkness, given to those that pass a certain spot where a tiny tree brings light for just a little …… remembering the child of light …………
https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2012/12/30/gabriel-miller-a-child-of-light-remembering-the-smile/
2011
https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2011/12/31/gabriel-miller-the-missing-moonbeam-2011/
As this year passes once more it is a reminder there is a missing moonbeam, whose silvery light is lost to our world but the spark that flared into a flame of love brighter than any ray of the sun continues to burn in the hearts of those that loved their moon beam and basked in the light of his smile
2010
https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2010/12/31/a-year-passes/
December 31st with song, laughter,food, fireworks and noise makers they will not notice a small light is no longer shining this year.
But in a home in Lorain, a mother and father dread this New Years Eve, they will not celebrate because all the fireworks, lights in the sky cannot make up for the “light they lost” – their precious moonbeam -who shone so brightly for just a little while and radiated such love and truth as to shame the dark.
The Headless Man Revealed- Sex does sell
As I checked the stats on my blog this morning – they were off the charts – all because of the searches for the headless man. He has been revealed . He was part of a post I wrote with regard to Downton Abbey connection and truth being even more interesting than fiction 😉
I exchanged the WW2 for that boring old history of Kings and Queens and the aristocracy. However I can tell you Reality TV has nothing on these folk! But there is the connection with Downton Abbey fans. Oh! if these old walls could talk ;).
How I lost my virginity to the VERY racy real life chatelaine of Downton’s Scottish castle by Micheal Thornton
My post tied in the Downton Abbey, my mother, the abdication of a king and the late Princess Diana and today is receiving more readers than it did when first posted- ah the internet nothing goes away truly does it?
And just WHO WAS the headless man – read it for yourself :
those old photos whether on Facebook , other social media or even polaroid’s can come back to haunt……
Hands Up- I am Guilty- Christmas on Steroids
Ok I am going to declare here and now:
I am guilty!
I too, want to see little faces light up- I was always told I spoiled my children – in fact when I got Chris his new truck ( lease) in 2004 so he would have a vehicle he could trust rather than his 2nd hand jeep- which had seen better days even when it was first purchased -I was taken to task by Chris’s uncle( who is no longer with us)
“You spoil Chris he will never become anything
…..yada yada yada.
Let me tell I am so glad I spoiled my son – I am glad I bought him everything I could because of course I can no longer do that. I don’t care if I went over the top I would do it again in a heart beat. Of course that has morphed into the “Chris- Miss Presents “ for Gavin and Braedyn.
And yes I do go overboard.
Gavin announced he would like a snow mobile- because his daddy has one and a truck, and four-wheeler ( which of course Gavin also has thanks to his Chris Miss presents of previous years.
Gavin wants to be just like his daddy, and go along with him on all his adventures including the snow blowing of the driveway- the other present he wanted a snow blower !
I looked and looked and even I couldn’t justify $2,500 for a child’s real snow mobile- there was only one in Ohio 2nd hand for $1,000 and that was from 1981!!!!!!
Compromise came in the form of a skidoo sled…..
and I waited with bated breath as to whether this would fill the bill… apparently it did because he slept with it.
Braedyn, was a little bewildered by all the boxes and wrappings but soon got into the spirit of the hunt. Braedyn is obsessed with deer- he loves them !!! I was very happy he liked his present from Nog ( Nikki tells me she awoke this morning to find both Braedyn and the deer in her bed!
Gavin was waiting to have Braedyn tow him around
Braedyn ,finally big enough to reach the pedals on his “own” battery operated vehicle ( Chris Miss Present) , was pleased he no longer has to sit in the passenger seat with his brother. The jeep is reminiscent of the blue jeep his Uncle Chris once had.
But I wasn’t the only one spoiling the two little boys, their Uncles and Aunts, Nana , and friends also wanted to see little faces alight. Maybe that is what we do not so much “spoiling the child” as trying to fulfill a wish of joy of our own through their smiles.
After Christmas night, I came home to this house with no decorations, from my visits with Christmas,
https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2010/12/27/visiting-the-holidays/
to an email from a cousin . I didn’t know him growing up we found each other through the “net”. He was my grandmother’s sister grandson, her son married and then later divorced and his son lost touch with this side of the family. Although he had tracked down the family stats etc through “ancestry sites” the stories weren’t fleshed out about the people mentioned.
Luckily for him family stories and scandals still had a “living history” via my mum and some of the things I remembered . That in turn took my own mind back to those early Christmases of my youth in England .
The 1950’s in the US must have been terribly different here ( if Happy Days reruns are to be believed) – London England was still suffering the ravages of the Blitz , there was not a lot of money about and in some case rationing .
As I looked at the Christmas tree that adorned the Captain Wilford house one year,
https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2008/02/12/capt-wilford-a-hero-of-the-inland-seas/
it reminded me of the little table top tree we had in its pot of earth, covered with home-made paper chains that sat on a table in our living room in England when I wasn’t much older than Braedyn . Father Christmas would come and I would get one big present ( usually a special doll) and needed clothes. But the parties and the people were what I remember most- so much laughter and uncles dressing up, games that included Pass the Parcel and Riding the Plank (blindfolded) into outer space.
I have written about my “wealthy” grandmother ” . I don’t remember ever getting a present from her, or for that matter anyone besides Father Christmas. BUT at Christmas I was allowed for a short time to go into my rich grandmother’s drawing-room with the adults. I told my cousin of those Christmases
I remembered that Christmas night- there were aunts and uncles and lots of people. There were no other children and there wasn’t a tree, even a tiny one decked out with paper chains. However there were silver serving dishes , tea services , brass, silks ,satins, curtains and door hangings with plush velvets and large floor lamps whose fringed shades moved and swayed – the firelight reflected off the crystal. It was all very Aladdin’s cave- like, there weren’t any of the thick slices of homemade bread with lemon curd, or slices of cream cake but dates, and figs and turkish delight, dainty little cakes and sandwiches.
https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2010/12/23/my-gift-for-your-december-graces-fur-coat/
I thought today of laughter and children , true family and true friends, who through these many months have stood by me and held me in their thoughts and have been patient and understanding .
I was surrounded by laughter , the smells of great cooking, twinkling lights and music during my visit to Christmas….
but the best present was in the middle of Christmas chaos when a small boy not yet two – left all the excitement of toys and wrapping , sought me out , curled up on my lap – held my fingers tight in his little hand , cuddled up and fell fast asleep…..whilst Christmas passed into another “past” and memories were made …..this little child gave me the comfort and unconditional love I needed……….
Yes! I spoiled my children – but they became adults who were fiercely loyal, generous, caring and brave………. and I would not change a thing……..
Lorain Dudes- Tinsel Time -2013
The chocolates in the advent calendars are suspiciously gone already— it must be that Christopher Pop-In- Kins – the Christmas Elf who hides in the home and on Christmas Eve returns to the North Pole to tell Santa about his young friends and his recent holiday adventure – http://www.elffun.com/christopher-pop-in-kins/
ate them already!
“All that hiding must make him hungry – NOG!”
says Gavin…..
and who could argue with the child with the halo????
Braedyn has been shopping and dropping-
“Why can’t we go to NOG’s and POOH BAH”S house- we promise not to be naughty-”
NOG’S NOTE– Santa Claus – via UPS and FED Ex has turned NOG’s living room and hallway into a “Box Store” – Nog is now on a first name bases with delivery men… and since the “boxes” have pictures – that means no visits from prying little eyes.
There have been concerts with Nog and Nana and Pooh Bah and Santa has checked in , special Red Lobster lunches , (they have the best crayons….) and shopping with Nog and Pooh Bah for mummy….
wrapping and trimming our special tree .
Braedyn loved the trains and trees at Black River Landing
and now it is time to wish you all lots and lots of what you love the best ……. The Lorain Dudes- Braedyn and Gavin
The Memorial Project- Interview cont. Chris Ritchey Pt 4
Part One https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2013/12/03/december-3rd-memorial-chris-ritchey/
Part Two https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2013/12/09/the-memorial-project-why-chris-ritchey-pt-2/
Part Three https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2013/12/13/the-memorial-project-the-interview-chris-ritchey-pt-3/
The Interview Continued:
QUESTION:
Do you feel that memorializing/remembering your child in this way has been beneficial to you? If so, can you describe some of the benefits?
Yes, writing about Chris and his story has been very cathartic, for me at least- and has also filled a need I believe every mother and father has to have their child’s life recognized , they existed, they contributed no matter how little the time .
When my son died we were left with a love that had no outlet. The love that was exclusively for him, that had been his since the day he was born ( and for my part before he was born) has no direction, it has no outlet it seems to bottle up inside one , the grief and lost love chokes and builds inside until it literally brings you to your knees.
Sometimes the writing ( like now) causes floods of tears so you can’t see the keyboard and holding back the gulping breaths so you can finish is physically painful, but it also releases.My daughter and my husband have difficulty in reading , the wounds are so raw but I have saved each post on disc for them and the grandchildren so if and when they are ready it will be available .
QUESTION :
Has your family/community/culture been supportive of you and your wish to memorialize and/or remember your child? If so, please describe.
Since I write the unvarnished, and non-sugarcoated truth in all my writings from politics, to history , to the organized church
https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/category/religion/
( especially the Roman Catholic Church- who enabled the taking of my son)-
https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2010/07/01/ignorestance-and-the-roman-catholic-church-part-6/the various treatments due to cancer, some of the international and local community are angry, some are helped especially those going through cancer treatments , some are pleased to know Chris better.
A great many are uncomfortable- there is sometimes a rawness to my writings that people don’t want to face. But on the whole I am not writing for them but for me and the promise to Chris I wouldn’t let the world forget him.
QUESTION :
Have you encountered any resistance from your family/community/culture about your desire to memorialize and/or remember your child? If so, please describe.
Oh yes – some wish I would go away 🙂 some want us to “let it go” – “get on with your life “, “move forward”.
By putting thoughts and our story out for the whole wide world to see or stumble upon opens one to criticism .
Some say horrible things but there is sort of an immunity that comes when you lose a child , apart from losing another child – it is the worst thing that can happen the hurt and pain is literally ground zero – their words cannot burn or sting because you are already in a place of such torment their words, for me at least, are just mere words like so many raindrops splashing on the surface of a bottomless lake.
The last question was published in Part One of this series:
the result to be continued………
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