Nov 3rd – Moments to Hold- Chris Ritchey

November 3, 2017 at 1:05 pm 3 comments

Thanks to  school starting times , every  weekday morning I spend with  your nephews Gavin and Braedyn.  I am lucky  in that respect  every    morning I  see the two  little boys so  dear to  my  heart and to  my  happiness.

 

Gavin , is definitely  the morning person, he is chatty  and excited about his day. Braedyn is just like me , we do  not do  mornings at all well.  Leave us alone, don’t  force us awake into  the morning, especially  when it is dark out.

Knowing how to  wake a non-morning person is half the battle .  So for now, after everyone has left , tiptoeing into  the bedroom ,  a gentle rub on the back, a small warm plump  hand of a little one, curls warmly  around my  fingers, a soft pink cheek flushed with  sleep  and for just an instant  a tiny  start of a smile plays across his lips, ,then the realization it is time to  wake- don’t talk , move quietly , let the half asleep non morning person dictate the waking process.

 

My  hand rests upon  silk soft curls  and a kiss on the forehead can be met with  an unknown response – depending on the mood.  I wouldn’t change one thing, and I  hold those moments in my  heart – the laughter of Gavin  so grown up – his take on the world as he has his breakfast, his humour a lot like yours , Braedyn’s temper so  much  like mine and yours, soon over it and then all smiles and hugs.

Soon Braedyn  will wake with  the rest of the household, no  more moments of the time of warm wakefulness- the time between dreaming and morning for me. He will be too much  of a big boy . But I  will hold these moments, grab onto  them  as they  melt away   too soon.

Moments of you  fly  into  my  mind all day  and most of the nights, some are of another little boy’s silky  hair, skin so  warm and soft, arms  reaching out , chubby  fingers, hearing your voice,

“come up  and kiss me goodnight”

stroking your cheek, a kiss on the forehead a smile……….-

And then  there are the moments that come unbidden , a man full grown but still my  child ,  a hand that squeezed mine  when  you  could not talk , silenced by  the vent , with  such strength I  jumped with  surprise…..what was it you  were trying to  say ????

… my  thoughts vary  was it goodbye, was it a final I love you …

Your cheek as soft and warm as any  child  . I stroked your forehead and placed cool compresses that final night, kissed your burning forehead  knowing something was very  wrong.

My  heart rages within me  trying to  hold onto  the moments of you…..

 

 

I love you  Chris  , you  are not forgotten, two  little boys know you and you  are a part of our mornings, days  weeks, months and lives………

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Entry filed under: Chris Ritchey, grief, Love. Tags: , , , , , .

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3 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Dave  |  November 3, 2017 at 3:12 pm

  • 2. Mary  |  November 19, 2017 at 6:54 pm

    I go to his grave when I’m there at Sean’s. Chris is NEVER forgotten!

  • 3. thatwoman  |  November 19, 2017 at 6:58 pm

    thanks Mary I can’t go to that place as you know …

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