July 3rd- NO LIMITS- Chapter 6 – Chris Ritchey
July 3, 2020 at 12:41 pm 6 comments
No Limits- The book
Forward: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/01/02/jan-3rd-no-limits-the-forward-chris-ritchey/
Chapter One :https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/02/03/feb-3rd-no-limits-chapter-1-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Two:https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/03/03/march-3rd-no-limits-
Chapter Three: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/04/03/april-3rd-no-limits-chapt-3-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Four: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/05/03/no-limits-chapter-4-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Five: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/06/03/june-3rd-no-limits-chapter-5-chris-ritchey/
If the night before at the Rehearsal Dinner was hot , the day of the wedding dawned humid and hotter. I don’t handle heat and no sleep at the best of times, and this definitely wasn’t a good time. For the sake of my children and family I tried so hard to act cheerful and excited, all the while with this great lump of concrete in my gut and a dread of things to come. I can only liken this feeling to having the overwhelming feeling /intuition by getting on to a plane and knowing it will crash. I knew the prognosis for Chris form of cancer Hodgkin’s Lymphoma was excellent, 95 percent cure rate, ” if you had to have cancer this is the one you would want” a few rounds of chemo and a couple of treatments of radiation and you will be fine.
BUT then why did everything in my mind scream at me there is a world of hurt coming our way ……?
THE WEDDING
I knew that Chris would be putting on a brave face, he had a round of chemo on the Thursday and it usually caught up with him by the Saturday, and here he was having to go through a horrendously busy morning, afternoon and evening. I knew he would not let on how he was dealing and feeling with all the poisons coursing through his body. He was so particular when it came to Nikki’s wedding in regard to his tuxedo, having to make a special trip to the tailor to have it adjusted the day before. Nana and Chris at Nikki’s Wedding
Chris had lost weight with the cancer and chemo and his tux was too big, but he didn’t seem to care, not at all like Chris, but then he had more on his plate to worry about.
The wedding at St. Mary’s Catholic Church officiated by Father Daniel Divis , Chris had refused the usual Catholic protocol to get married in the church , and he was allowed to do so probably due to the cancer diagnosis and the Father Divis “relationship” he had with the Lombardis.
I sat in that church , not being very enamored with organized religion as a bit of a hypocrite, but it was Chris and Angela’s day , it was her faith and she was very in touch with her faith. My husband and mother and I sat there “together but alone” .
The ceremony over , and I couldn’t hear a word, but then Angela always made me feel like I was deaf, so soft spoken was she. I had spent the morning putting together a small cooler bag for Chris and the wedding party ( mainly for Chris) to take in the limo. It had cold water , some snacks he could eat after chemo , and some cool cloths as his body temps rose after chemo set in.
Wedding over I came home showered and cried until it was time to put on the “face” again for the reception. No matter how I tried I just could not get out of this terrible feeling like some darkness was going to envelop me.
Oh ! this happy day could only get worse heat wise when the air-conditioning at the Holiday Inn failed. However, as bad as that was as I went to the gifts table to put our check in for the Bride and Groom , not a “wishing well” or a cute little decorated box but a “casket ” with flowers on the top courtesy of Sue Lombardi ‘WHAT WAS THE WOMAN THINKING – WAS THIS APPROPRIATE” Was I being overly sensitive? although the comments from my friends they too were shocked and my mother was furious.
” I knew as soon as I saw that coffin on the table it would hurt you Loraine”
The wedding although apparently enjoyed by others left me flat especially when Father Divis reacted to the best man’s speech, I wrote about it afterward , (at the time I did not mention his name BUT of course now in that blog post he is mentioned )as I was shocked , although this man of God would shock me later after the death of my son to my core !
“This was brought home over the weekend ( and I can take a joke better that a lot of people) . A speech that bordered on not only the insulting ( for me )cultural racism by a priest (Daniel O. Divis – Office of the Secretariat)who insulted every English person and non catholic at a function. He spoke of Ulster and Northern Ireland in a way that for those of us who lived through the bombings and were directly effected by the IRA and the terrorism THEY inflicted upon a population both Irish and English , that was financed primarily from this side of the Atlantic was akin to making jokes about 911. Would you tolerate jokes about 911?
So what makes it OK for a pseudo “Irish” priest of Lorain to make the jokes and insult a group of people because they are “English”? A fellow diner said it is just ignorance of the situation– I beg to differ any Catholic Priest who claims Irish lineage KNEW exactly what he was saying, which to me makes it all the more disgraceful – am I wrong??????
You tell me when is it ok for terrorism to be lauded and applauded and when is it abhorred – is it OK to make derogatory remarks as long as it is based on culture and then only one certain segment of the population’s culture – Is it Ok to do this based on culture and not colour???
Although I did have a “word” with the man- I am sure it fell on deaf ears…… So when is it OK – tell me???? because I find this grey area very confusing ?
https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2008/06/08/when-is-it-ok/
AND THIS SPEECH WAS AT A “wedding”
We got through the wedding and reception,. The Mother/ Son dance was one of the toughest things I knew I had very little control left and as we danced ( and I told Chris ( who was always my confidant) I may need Nikki and his dad to help me through. He understood , he knew me so well and we were always upfront with one another. So when I was becoming “emotionally incontinent” halfway through the dance he signaled to Nikki and his dad to join us on the floor as a group. ( that did not go down too well with the Lombardi clan) .
My husband , mother and I left at a reasonable time just after the first guests were leaving. I told Chris Nana was tired but he knew and he by this time was physically showing the effects of a very long day and the poisonous chemo. I wanted to gather my child up and make him well , but all this was now out of my hands , he was a married man now!
The next day was “come over ( to the Lombardis) and look at the presents” day , we had company so I stayed with them . The next thing I remember was Chris coming round the corner with the casket under his arm with his Best Man. I said
what are you doing here?
He said:
Sue Lombardi and her mother were anxious to open up the “box” to see how much money they received
and he said
No! he and Angela would do that later .. I don’t want them knowing our business and who gave what so I have brought it here to stop their prying . . Turns out there was no check from the Lombardis in that casket,
Angela said : ” they paid for the wedding”
HA! thanks to their “bar arrangements” we paid more to the Holiday Inn for the drinks etc. than they paid for the wedding, and I know that how ? The wedding planner lady was so frustrated with them and their way of ordering her about she told me and actually gave me a discount on the total bar bill.
And so the next weeks came and went all too quickly.
To be continued …..
Entry filed under: a Cow -elle opinion, Chris Ritchey, grief, hell is other people, Love, Mothers, NO LIMITS the book, weddings and funerals. Tags: Angela (Lombardi) Ritchey Murphy, Chris Ritchey, Christopher D. Ritchey, christopher ritchey lorain, Father Divis, Lombardi-Lorain, Love, mothers and sons, opinion, Tim and Sue Lombardi Lorain.
June 3rd- No Limits- Chapter 5- Chris Ritchey August 3rd- No Limits- Chapter7- Chris Ritchey
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1. Dave | July 3, 2020 at 2:15 pm
❤
You are one tough lady!
2. thatwoman | July 3, 2020 at 3:14 pm
I wish I were Dave, going through the “remembering” and those times again is so hard it leaves no room or energy to write about anything else and there is a lot to write about.but then I console myself with my cynical attitude apart from documenting what goes on in this hood and the world and the history it wouldn’t make one bit of difference anyway .just an old lady flapping her gums 😉
3. maryspringowski | July 4, 2020 at 6:06 pm
I don’t know what joke he said but it would NEVER have been appropriate at a wedding or in mixed company. I, personally, do not care for him and have no interaction with him and his pseudo Irish ways. No truly Irish person that I know of would ever act in such a way. And you’ve met my father! He has always been a staunch Republican (United Ireland) but neither of us approve or sanction violence. I am so sorry you had to deal with all of this. And as I say, trust a mother’s intuition. But always know you are loved!
4. thatwoman | July 4, 2020 at 9:13 pm
Thanks I couldn’t believe it the man droned on and on no jokes just a political statement … everyone of British decent ( and there were a few were outraged) and had no business even bringing such “troubles” up at a wedding shows the calibre of the man and his lacking in integrity and compassion… and of course he enabled the Lombardis to take any closure we may have had….. I will never forgive him being a man of the cloth .although that cloth is in tatters as is his character …. more to come on this “Man Of God……. and thank you Mary I love you too
5. thatwoman | July 4, 2020 at 9:13 pm
Oh and I love you Dad too!!!
6. August 3rd- No Limits- Chapter7- Chris Ritchey | That Woman's Weblog | August 3, 2020 at 9:21 pm
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