Posts filed under ‘Brit take’
Never apologize for showing feeling. When you do so, you apologize for the truth.
– Benjamin Disraeli
After Chris died I struggled to find a way for me to “be”-
I failed the “me” is no longer the “me” . I met with my personal Gorilla of Grief
and he is with me still
I have learned- learned how to traverse the mine fields of grief, learned how to exist, learned , like one who is blind, to navigate through , learned when to rest , when to fight. The gorilla has been “trained” over these many months , I know how to find respite , to hide in the smiles and games of my grandchildren as I feel his presence- knowing if I let my guard down he will attack with a pent-up ferocity which will cripple me . He is dangerous- he waits.
And he can find you – no matter how well you think you have him under control. You realize he has sapped your strength and there is very little left to deal with the illnesses and life issues that befall those of us who continue to age. We age differently too- another of his gifts- there is a greyness – an aging process that accelerates – he causes the body’s defenses to be spread too thin. You realize you cannot keep this voracious animal at bay without there being a cost. The cost is not only emotional it is physical. You see the ravages on the face of your husband , the marks of the struggle etched there for those that remember the time before the gorilla. Your face no longer recognizable to you when you deign to look in the mirror.
In order to add strength you find you can and have to delete- yes! delete from your life those people and situations that also sap your strength. You can no longer afford the luxury of tolerance, patience and those people and situations that take or are superfluous to your well-being. There is something freeing in realizing you don’t have to anymore. They will not help you control and cage the gorilla. You also learn truth and transparency is not what people really want , they want such things yes- but in small doses, metered out- not all at once. You gather strength to “be” by not expending wasted energy.
And then you find yourself sitting in the parking lot waiting for a loved one to run an errand- a song comes on the car radio, you aren’t quick enough to turn it off, the damage is done and “We will rock you”
takes you back instantly to a soccer field at a Lorain Catholic High School ( also now dead) when life was happy and where no gorillas just camaraderie fun and hope. Too late- the gorilla is free, he tears at your gut, your breathing stops , tears flow so fast and get trapped between the rim of your sun glasses and cheeks , blinding you , your hands clench, nails driving into your palms hoping to stop this vicious beast – but he is too strong, memories fill your mind, crashing in upon each other and finally the wracking sobs explode once more. Time has been negated and you are back in a hospital room locked into the worst moments of your life – once more – The gorilla is free to do what he will ……
I write for me- for the most part- to get my thoughts out from my overworked brain. A brain that surges, boils , rolls and cascades with random thoughts all day long and through the night. Some I remember upon waking, but I have realized the dreams are just my brain’s way of trying to make sense of those thoughts- putting them into some sort of formation so they can be filed- to be made sense of – I haven’t been able to make sense of much lately!
There is now a helplessness and hopelessness in my thoughts and writing. Since the dying of my son, much changed in my world. I no longer feel anything I say or do makes a blind bit of difference- the words are there but they are without strength. I am on record as now realizing “one” does not make a difference when swimming against the tide of those of “like -minded” ocean .
The discovery of great hypocrisy as it pertained to the death and dying of my son.
The lack of respect for another beliefs- the selfishness and power of control by a church of another.
Not a great big deal , in fact nothing really in the grand scheme of things. The attitude and actions of that family of deceit and control only effected this little family unit.
We die and it will be forgotten, if not forgotten already by those not directly part of Chris’ life and death. A lesson learned the hardest way possible .
As I remove myself for the outer world and the world of myths and gods, I am caged, dealing with the greater world, images so foreign and barbaric coming across the television and computer screen.
NOTE: I searched for images and there were plenty but I just couldn’t bring myself to even download any they were so horrific in their content.
I have written and studied medieval England, Kings and Queens , History of Crusades, the march of the Romans, Hannibal, Genghis Khan, the deluge of death of world wars. My brain not really understanding the atrocities of those times.
I didn’t experience World War two – my parents did – I wasn’t born.
Korea -I really didn’t know existed until I was well into my twenties, Vietnam the same thing- Oh I saw the images on television- same with Desert Storm etc. The images we were meant to see , stats digested with the evening meal. The media gave us an insight , but only visually with canned audio- not the smells the feel of war, the taste in your mouth kind of war those that fought remember.
Yes, there are newsreels and documentaries galore on the Holocaust and Nazi Germany and the thought what would I have done if I had been Jewish, gay , a gypsy or German. I had the luxury of knowing I wouldn’t be asked to make that decision.
Germany was England’s enemy ( feind) – they were tangible- you knew from whence they came and the county they called their homeland. The fiend was a man- there was a face to him – Hitler. There was a tangible “feind” and a “fiend”.
Now there is an enemy whose barbarism rivals those of civilizations of non- humanity . They have invaded my home, my life my thoughts with their bestial and fiendish culture.
They are an enemy, not of a country but of an ideology – their sadistic , bloodthirsty war on those who are not of their ilk has brought horror and havoc to the very streets and communities fought over in wars gone by. The difference being the ” feind” is intangible. Like evil spectres they wander though the streets unseen until the carnage they leave point them out - too late.
And the rest of us – not matter our beliefs in gods or non gods – wait – wait for something to be done – no cartoons of the enemy this time –
This war is different – as bloody as all wars – this war has taken us back – back to centuries past when human kind supposedly knew no better – we have become supposedly civilized in western culture – no crucifixion of the Son of one God at least – but sons of man are still being crucified
as modern technology fuels the weaponry of terror with “produced slick videos”
And seemingly the rest of us can do nothing to stop this army of cacodemonic human refuse. We are at war fighting yet another ideology without borders and we who hope for a better understanding of ” man “kind“- can do nothing it seems.
We call upon our leaders “do something stop this – but what can they do ? the enemy is us pitting one’s beliefs against another’s – where do we start where do we stop? What difference can one God, Saviour , Prophet make and where is He, Her, where are they ?
So we sit as we watch civilization (as we believe it to be) bleeds into the earth, consumed in the fire of disgust and say “why aren’t they stopped” but our main fear is that this “feind” is of our own making. Today one of these “outside humankind ” has been identified
This young man , walked the same London streets as me, my mother ,my father and millions of young men before him who fought for freedom of kind , freedom of expression, freedom of belief. He was someone who studied at the Westminster University
http://www.westminster.ac.uk/ He too would’ve smelled the roasting of chestnuts on a winter’s evening by the vendors on her city streets , the theatres, the displays of free speech at Speakers Corner , the beauty of an English summer day, a willow frond lazily trailing in the gentle flowing waters where Shakespeare wrote , the rights of man that survives the centuries written in her libraries , the culture, not just British, that can be found everywhere How did he end up being so devoid of anything human?
I won’t have an answer in this lifetime ………….
I have covered three of the three examples of the process of Inspections, the Building Dept. and the process so far. These complaints have been filed and commented upon by serving “elected officials” not Joe Blow citizen but people whose job of work is to make their city and ward a better place.
1965 E 28th Street- Mayor Krasienko -2008-2012 documented from 2008 –
3620 Clifton Ave – Councilman Eddie Edwards documented since 2012 https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2015/02/10/dye-abolical-goose-gander-inspection-process-pt-2-lorain/
113 Hamilton Ave- Councilman Dennis Flores
Jul 16, 2014
How did all the Houses and Buildings get in such poor condition? As I said
when the Point of sale issue came before Council, We did not need more tools
in our toolbox, We just needed to use the tools we already had in the box.
You might be interested to know Mr. Lucente, although I support Point of Sale – https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2013/07/05/the-nuisance-and-point-of-sale-ordinance-lorain/
these same thoughts were stated at a meeting of a start up of a “block watch” in 2005 ( 10 years ago) by Lorain County Prosecutors Office George Koury and previous Safety Service Director 1996-1999 – when asked about what laws could be passed because of the state of the buildings and homes in the 2nd Ward – He said:
There are ordinances already on the books – they just have to be enforced.
Note that was in the cafeteria room of the Old St. Joe’s Hospital and we know what is happening there today don’t we?
Ironically, at that meeting was Joe Smith who is also running for the position of 2nd Ward Councilman –
Ward Two is and has been the dumping ground, by banks, RSO’s – poor and substandard rentals and abandoned building as well a ghost town of commerce along Broadway.
It is a big job and so goes the 2nd ward so eventually goes the city!
Well, Councilman Lucente, this might give you an answer as this seems to be indicative of the tools in the box“
As mentioned in part three, Mr. Flores, often ,in his emails expressed frustration and concerns as to the timely manner of response by the Building Dept. to his notifications:
One such property 1761 HAMILTON AVE.
On January 25th 2013 _ two years ago Mr. Flores wrote in an email:
“It seems to me that a lot of the work I report falls on deaf-ears…
I’m requesting that a letter be sent notifying the property owner of this nuisance, vacant building.”
Parcel Number: 02-01-006-134-008
Owner Name &
Address: MIHALICK DAVID R & JENNIFER L
6106 GLADYS AVE ELYRIA, OH 44035
Taxes owed : $4,617.23
Since this blog did its own inspection this week February 9th 2015 - not much has changed, as you see , at the front- the shrubbery has grown in front of the windows and the rear of the property ????? – well more than a “don spout” needed here
JANUARY 2015- Click on jpg to enlarge
ONE YEAR AGO-2014
1/24/2014 Requested for rental inspection.
11 MONTHS AGO
3/8/2014 Home is in foreclosure, not rental.
5/20/2014 Cited for high grass.
7/28/2014 Cited for high grass. (NOTE: high grass???? that is it??? will wonders ever cease!!!!)
I saw a note that it was cited on 3/9/2012 and it was sent to court on 3/20/2013. “NOTE” and what if any was the outcome of that ?????
Two years ago sent to court, and here we are TWO YEARS later – timely indeed- another time- another year passes
Is it any wonder why during a council meeting November 2013 discussing the housing in Lorain,Council at Large Dan Given stated:
I’m still going to spin this thing back; the way we’re doing it now is broken,” Given said. “Issuing citations to property owners now, we might as well be writing them on toilet paper.”
And yet 4 working days after the complaint by Kathy Dye the Building Dept was on the job ??? Might want to save some of that toilet paper as “it” hits the fan!!!!!
Once again to be continued……….
I have written so much about the lack of timely inspections in Lorain – I am well and truly fed up to the teeth with it. However , as you can see ,not all such inspections take weeks, or bloody years! some ( mine for instance) took 4 days
So what was the difference ?
1. Could it be that the inspection process is geared to those that WILL take care of any citations quickly in order for the stats to show the “process is working”?
2. Could it be the inspections are based on just who is making the complaints?
Alright hands up I am very cynical and forgive me if there is a conspiracy theory going on in this post- is there selective enforcement??? YOU decide if I am way off base here !
I have picked three “example” situations , two of which have been fodder on this blog and others for years and one I was directly a part of the email chain.
I could go tit for tat all around Lorain and show hundreds of violations worse than my ” Don Spout” and needing paint garage, which haven’t been addressed in years but the three should suffice to document my displeasure and questioning of the process.
George, has now passed, but the legacy lives on- it is a pity more was not done before his properties ballooned for 34 to 300. Lorain now has a mess on its hands, worse than ever.
October- 2008 1965 28th Street
October 2008 -
Then Morning Journal:
NOTE-this article no longer archived on line
A Lorain property owner will have some more time to work on a dilapidated building on East 28th Street.
George Schneider, owner of the former Jay Metals building, 1965 E. 28th St., was supposed to be sentenced yesterday for a property maintenance code violation and to monitor the progress of repairs, according to Lorain Municipal Court records. His case was continued to Oct. 31, said Judge Mark Mihok……….
NOW by the time we revisit in 2012
Schneider pleaded no contest to the violation and was sentenced to the maximum penalty of a $1,000 fine and 180 days in jail.
“The building department representative indicated that demolition has begun, but there is some asbestos that was found,” Mihok said yesterday. The state now has to determine if they’re going to do an asbestos study, he added.
“We should have a final disposition from the state and hopefully some more progress on the demolition,”
The former Jay Metals building is on the list of 12 properties that Mayor Anthony Krasienko (2008-2012) wants demolished as soon as possible.
And I asked You be the judge- 2 years ago:
Fast forward September 2012 / 2013
Oh there was much ado about NOTHING happening here at 1965- and Now January 2015 – 7 YEARS!!!!!! after that first blog post and we have
Oh there is always too-ing and fro-ing it was asbestos, it has been sold it has…yada yada yada but according to the auditors site the property is still listed under George ( now his estate ) and actually only owes about $4,000 in delinquent taxes- a minimal amount compared to some properties in Lorain-
I will probably be dead myself before the inspection process is “complied with” on this property and this gateway eyesore is nothing but a brownfield…… In my humble opinion the process DID NOT work on this one-
Next up No. 2 …….
Ode to a Disconnected Downspout named DON
Your very existence was officially heralded on a bleak January day
Detachment was noticed and engage you we must- or a price we would pay
To leave your condition unchanged meant more than a citation
Due to your condition so brazen – fix ” Don” come hell or creation
Through snow drifts and ice we went to inspect our wanton neglect
Your illegal status we wouldn’t be allowed to forget
A week on the Friday was the date we were given
Through fair winds or foul we would be striven
The date just a week hence to put right our shame
We made the calls to men who were handy in name
Our pleas to come quickly – all came to nowt
“Are you insane?” “In this weather to connect a downspout”
It is true at 13 degrees no water was hitting the ground –
just the pond water falls- heated to run- making a sound
The tarps of blue flapping merrily away
marked the time passing – a loss of a day
Winter winds forecast to howl – the ground covered in ice and snow
Two intrepid fellows plunged through the bracken and ice- it was a go
They hoisted the drill and attached the offending gutter
Whilst women watching – waited indoors – hearts all a flutter
Until success was at last to be found
no more Don discharging himself on the ground !!!!!!
We can go to bed tonight and turn the light out
Don is connected once more – a righteous downspout
I can think of nothing much finer
than pleasing Inspector Klinar !!!!
to be continued……
OR SMILE YOU HAVE BEEN DYE- A – TRIBED
( DYE- A TRIBED – TO VISIT RETALIATION AND RETRIBUTION USING A PERCEIVED or POSSIBLE POSITION OF POWER BY THE TRIBE OF DYE)
Part One https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2015/01/26/is-it-worth-it-retaliation-dealing-with-the-dregs/
Oh Horrors upon horrors
“GUILTY as charged by the tribe of Dye- there are apparently CODE VIOLATIONS on my property – since the inspections of 2013.
I am hanging my head in shame because on this 90-year-old house I have ONE downspout that has become disconnected…… I am so sorry Lorain for lowering the property values in Charleston village by my awful violation of the “dreaded downspout debacle”
Please get out the stocks – get the whip to whip my feet- How could I let down the ambiance of this Lorain’s oldest neighborhood ? Please accept my abject apologies
But that is NOT ALL I am guilty of – that 90 year old garage – well shame of shame -it needs painting ( as readers were aware) and was in need of repair when my son went to help his father to do so -Unfortunately cancer and grief got in the way-
no excuse -everyone has problems – the homeowner has to realize the responsibilities of owning a home or a building.
Hands up ! I am totally guilty – bring out the bread and water and slap me silly I deserve the shame of the “shedding garage”. Come to think about it my husband is the one in need of bread and water !
Actually , we have until spring to paint it – hopefully it is a warm April…. but it will be done ( as it was already in the plan) I so want to adhere to Lorain’s Building codes -I have groused about them long enough.
And.. that presented a problem, as we know, because one of the many buildings I took issue with was the son of Kathy ( Cathy ) Dye and his “Kharisma “( favor freely given) 418 Broadway building and his documented violations that were a hazard to the community WHICH TOOK MONTHS to go through the process -which included alligators( Caymans) theft of over 14 thousand dollars of gas and illegal hookups and a tax bill of delinquent taxes since his ownership of 2010 totaling $14,650.41 cents.
Heck I didn’t even mention that “chatty cathy” herself of Lorain Design Review Board was behind by $1,807.92.
No, I just reported what was in the media and the inspection reports showing there were various issues but the “dye was cast” and a diatribe spewed forth in the form of emails- we will get back to that in another part to the series.
and the threat made in a previous post to this blog .
WHILE YOU TAKE THIS RUN DOWN BROADWAY I’M GOING TO ALL OF YOUR HOMES. (Dye)
Note: it will be interesting to see when I get the answers to my Public Records Request just whom Java Lady ( aka Kathy Dye) reported – just me or the whole block? I wait with bated breath.
Sorry neighbors – guilt by association :( and of course it seems the Kathy has much more clout than I ( could it be because I don’t spill beans but cook them?). After all it took me 38 YEARS to get something done about the house on the corner – https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2013/11/16/welcome-to-fairyland-aka-in-the-pink-lorain-ohio/
Well its lone downspout was connected – there was that! Maybe “Chatty Kathy” can let us in on her “protocol” for getting the Building Dept to “move quickly” ? I am sure other complainants such as council people , might be interested ;)
Of course this whole situation of my non compliance – the “dreaded downspout debacle” was brought about by Debbie Dye – the photographer -and her mother Kathy Dye of the Design Review Board doing their “tit for tat” on Sunday January 11th 2015 at approximately 2 pm. by sitting outside my house and driving up and down the alley taking photos in order to “catch me” in non- compliance”.
And to my undying shame we have been cited for a lone disconnected downspout and a garage in need of paint…. no alligators, illegal gas hook-ups and a building considered dangerous to one’s health
If they did but know it they have done me a huge favor _ sorry “catty dye” I have been nagging my husband for two years to paint the garage – Do you do basements????
All joking aside there are some questions that have to be answered as to enforcement time lines and retribution.
In the next few posts we will explore the system and most importantly what I consider coercion – if not worse – visited upon city officials and elected officials and “using” the complaint process for private vendettas
Note: I am waiting for information requested under a public records request and until then this blog will- as the Old Wom Blog used to say- be getting into our Way Back machine…………..
To be continued
On the mirrors ( at least the last time I looked) in the outer lobby of the Palace Theatre Lorain is a list of donors. Among those that donated significantly is the mention of “Palace Players“
The Palace Players, an intrepid band of actors and actresses from the local community. At the core were Jean Schaeffer, Dave Cotton, Casey Wolnowski, Karen Kelley and yours truly. The “company” got together to specifically raise funds for the Palace.
The kick off , as described in the history of the Palace on their website mentions what happened, in 1974 and my introduction to Lorain and a great bunch of people. Yes! I served the lunches along with Barb MacGregor, Ruth Calta, Mary Lou Connone
This immigrant to Lorain- made the soups and generally helped those great bunch of people – thanks to my introduction to Lorain via Jean Schaeffer and was involved in the “speakeasy” segment of the gala night.
The Palace was and is still a major “player” in determining Lorain’s downtown -http://lorainpalace.com
In 1974, “Civic Center Madness”, a major fund raising project, took place in the urban renewal area of north Broadway. Forty civic groups participated in this week long street fair, Stores soon to be torn down were converted as if by magic into an old fashioned ice cream parlor, a “Second-Hand Rose” shop, a casino, a book and plant store, an open air barbecue, international shops, etc. The Saturday night “Great Gatsby Party” at the Palace climaxed the week’s activities.
Theatre was all important to the culture of the area. Most of us didn’t have a lot of money , those band of thespians, but what they did have was a love of theatre and the Palace – so the Palace Players formed.
One production – loosely based on a Dinner with Henry the VIII- took place on the Palace stage
We had to be creative , in order to raise money for the building, we couldn’t interfere with the daily running of the Palace. Creative , especially as to performance space we were given. One criteria was that no “set” set – everything had to be put up an hour before the show ( each performance night) and the set had to be struck each night.
Educating Rita- we did that in a mini proscenium set up in the area behind the seats, using one of the archways with the drinking fountain as the dressing rooms and off stage. I was Rita and it was an education !
Two shows were performed in the inner lobby in front of the bar – The Fantasticks -http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Fantasticks A young Mike Skimmin, Melissa Driscoll and Billy the Clown were part of that “company”. Imagine a musical in the lobby- however did we manage the music????- but we did.
The other show No Exit- a depiction of the afterlife in which three deceased characters are punished by being locked into a room together for eternity ( done as theatre in the round). Memorable to me about those performances was we had to share the theatre for a few performances with an action movie playing on the” big screen” – the louder sounds such as crashes, screams and gunfire bled through into our performance area . Our audience was told to ignore as that was just another room in hell.
“Hell is other people”,a reference to Sartre’s ideas about the look and the perpetual ontological struggle of being caused to see oneself as an object in the world of another consciousness.”
We were involved , that group participated and performed with such productions as the Follies and – Lorain Community Music Theatre -
when it was “truly Lorain” and performed their musicals every year on the Palace stage. Organizations benefitted greatly from the talent. Just a few come to mind-
South Pacific 1985 ( Dave directing)
Casey and I directing and producing King and I -1991 and Brigadoon 1990 - we sold out the Palace with those performances.
Yes! and the same people gave of their time and talent freely to put together an extravaganza to promote the newly formed Lorain Arts Council under the auspices of MainstreetLorain throughout the whole Palace venue even utilizing the “boxes”. The audience was lined up to come and view the talent who call Lorain County home.
We would call on our fellow thespians for help and they always showed up and came through, whether to stage manage, produce , perform, organize, publicize , play an instrument – whatever was needed if they were available they were there. Those were good days.
No Exit – and the statement “hell is other people” – well I have had my share of living that particular line in the “play that is Lorain”.
I am saddened by what has transpired in recent years the demise of Broadway to the extent it has . We need more of those ladies who lunched- they brought a “touch of class” – in my opinion decidedly lacking of late- but that era has too passed us by –
– I have become old , jaded and cynical- Lorain and life has done that and I know I am not alone in wondering what was the point in all those efforts and hard work but then there is the Palace…
and am thankful to say still is the house of “light on Broadway” .
Please visit the Palace website for all the latest information