Posts filed under ‘Doctor/Physician’
Medical Care, a consumer’s perspective- Mercy Health – Lorain ( 2)
Part One– https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2019/03/22/the-ratings-of-medical-facilities-series-it-begins/
Part Two- https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2019/04/09/medical-care-from-a-consumers-perspective-ohio/
Part Three- https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2019/04/22/medical-care-a-consumers-prospective-mercy-health-lorain/
Mercy Health — Lorain Hospital https://www.mercy.com/locations/hospitals/lorain
After hours of torment and worry , my husband was in ICU- Mercy Health , Lorain. The brain surgery went well, now a matter of time. I have been in ICU’s more times than I care to remember , each hospital a little different.
I have to state here and now the ICU nurses and team at Mercy were wonderful to us. I cannot say enough about them , they were so caring and compassionate. The housekeeping staff who cleaned and cleaned would see me sitting in the small waiting room whilst tests and all things happening to make my husband comfortable were happening. I would see a hand reach out and put down a cup of coffee or fruit drink and a smile.
Yes, they made things so much easier.
I really had to force myself to think and stay upright and ask questions of the myriad of people who would come in an out including physicians, physicians assistants, residents.
Indeed on a few occasions I had no clue as to who they were , some not all introduced themselves, very businesslike and with a clipped manner when answering my questions or observations. In the end, I learned to ask those questions of the nurses and they would check for me. When dealing with “one or two of the physicians” the answers were ensconced in medical terms and a couple of times I had to have them repeat their answers due to heavily accented language I found difficult to grasp. That was something I also had to deal with later on as well.
I wrote to the CEO of Mercy ( Edwin Oley) after we transferred to the Cleveland Clinic Rehab Hospital . I have copied parts of the letter and my concerns . I have left out the physicians names for this blog but they were named in my letter. Needless to say I have not received any response from Mercy Health Lorain ( not that I expected any but “received and filed ” might have been polite at least :
Excerpts and notes from the letter- February 12th 2019
For the attention of Edwin Oley, Mark Rau and Cheryl Rieves
Dear Mr. Oley,
I am writing today not only to thank the nursing staff for their excellent care, and also “housekeeping ladies” in the ICU who were so kind and helpful during our time of crisis and all but one of the physicians.
January 18th my husband had a fall – although his Doctors are at St. John’s West Shore we were taken to your ER. I have no complaints with the treatment there . He was admitted with a small brain bleed , which they felt would be absorbed and that is what looked like was happening. He was in ICU for a couple of days , then in general population and then sent to your REHAB unit. Again, I find no fault with the care, the nursing and rehab staff or physicians .
January 24th my husband suffered another major brain bleed in your Rehab unit ( on the right side of his brain) It was totally due to your response team , staff and Dr. XXXXX that my husband didn’t die, he literally was minutes away from that happening .
We were so grateful this happened IN the hospital had he been elsewhere he would have died. After major surgery he was sent back to CC11 in ICU – he was intubated and the care was wonderful . It was there I encountered Dr. PXXXX who did not impress me, I didn’t even know who he was and he certainly did not interact with me at all.
Wednesday January 30th my husband was finally able to come off the “tube” I must state here , my daughter and I had been putting in 15 hours shifts, trading off so one of us would be there , a terrible and emotionally draining time .
Six days after the surgery and two hours off the breathing apparatus I went home for a rest . I was woken by a Social Worker phoning me to explain “I would have to make a decision as to my plans for my husband “ I told her I have no plans he hasn’t even woken up – any plan I would have would be to get him sitting in a chair. She stated I would have to let them know and would leave a list of facilities in his room . which she did!
NOTE THIS IS THE LIST OF FACILITIES GIVEN TO US BY MERCY HEALTH SOCIAL WORKERS!
I want you to put yourself in our position, we had had a terribly traumatic time very little sleep for days and we were given a list of 34 places one of which my husband needed to be transferred to in coming days. We didn’t know “what his prognosis would be, if he had major brain damage and here is the list “check them out…….( this certainly was not helpful)
Saturday February 2nd My husband was moved to Tower two North– Once again hours after being in the new room I was sent another Social Worker – I had to make plans – he was still out of it and on a feeding tube and unable to swallow on his own . I reiterated I had no plans I couldn’t make an educated decision until I talked to my medical professionals who knew his history and were not in your network. I asked if this is rehab why couldn’t he stay at Mercy in the Rehab unit where he was initially – I was told flat out he would no longer meet the criteria of 3 hours daily . Dr. AXXXXXXXXXXX of Rehab would not accept him. I said well I am not making a decision until I know more.
Every day I was prompted by staff as to my decision.
Tuesday February 5th – during rounds – Dr. PXXXX and a host of people came into the room . I had only had cursory glances with this Doctor – I didn’t even know why he was there, every other physician explained who they were and what their specialty was , including therapy professionals. The communication in that area was excellent.
During this particular round Dr. PXXXX informed me they would have to put a feeding tube in his stomach, and I would have to make plans as to where I was sending him. The Social Worker also reiterated when I asked:
Why can’t he stay at Mercy Rehab after all I felt comfortable and they saved his life.
ONCE again I was told Dr. AXXXXXXXXXX wouldn’t accept him .
Dr. PXXXX said:
you have to decide and he needed “skilled nursing”
I said
No I need to talk to his Drs.- PXXXX informed me “transfer him to St. Johns , I said the insurance wouldn’t cover that as it would be a lateral move, I would check out some of the facilities on this list and since I had been in the hospital for days on end I hadn’t had time . He informed me that once the feeding tube was in he would be ready to leave.
I suggested, it seemed to me they were doing that to get rid of him.
Dr. PXXXX left the room whilst my daughter was asking a question re the stomach tube….. only to return and said AXXXXXX MXXXXX ( name of local facility) !!!! I understand he some interest in that facility.
Actually the next morning ,my husband who finally woke up to some degree, pulled out the feeding tube from his nose, they couldn’t put in the stomach tube due to food in the esophagus and it was delayed until Wednesday at which stage he had been now moved to Cardiology .
He has AFIB and because they couldn’t feed him his heart medication in liquid form they moved him so they could give it in his IV. Whilst in Cardiology they once again tested his swallowing capabilities and he passed- no stomach feeding tube)
Again another Social Worker came in what were my plans ????I spent the next hours researching and pop in visiting these facilities –
I was told Mercy Allen had no beds available and I couldn’t give them a date anyway .
At this point in the epistle I would like to add that my husband has for the past 16 years has NOT been able to take Statin Drugs of any kind. In fact in ER we specifically stated and it was put on his wrist ALLERGY STATINS HOWEVER, some Physician , whom I never heard of or spoke to PRESCRIBED LIPITOR- A STATIN which actually started to cause my husband issues.
My daughter stopped the nurse from giving the 2nd dose. After checking I found written in the note “QUESTIONABLE ALLERGY”) NOT ONCE DID ANYONE ( INCLUDING THE PHYSICAN ) ‘QUESTION THE FAMILY AS TO WHY THIS DRUG WAS NOT ALLOWED!
Cardiology sent my husband back to 2 north
( NOTE: it was only later at the Cleveland Clinic I found out my husband had been prescribed Lanoxin by the same “unknown physician”. Had I known I would have mentioned that it was found in a previous “heart issue” Lanoxin did cause serious side effects with him.. such as paranoia , confusion ( remember that for chapters two and three of the journey. Again this is partly due to my not remembering all the drugs he has had issues with and the fact they did not have access to his full medical history
As I researched, Wednesday and talked to many people I decided on the Cleveland Clinic Rehabilitation Hospital – Avon. Their representative came an evaluated my husband late Wednesday evening . My daughter and I toured the facility on Thursday morning the 7th . We were very pleased with what we found . THIS FACILITY WAS NOT ON THE LIST GIVEN TO ME! ( Note you can see I penciled it in on the list from Mercy Health)
THEN IT STARTED – For days and days I was told Mercy would not accept him back into their rehab unit WHERE we had asked to go time and time again. BUT LO AND BEHOLD HAVING BEEN TOLD FOR OVER A WEEK NO!!!!! ALL OF A SUDDEN – OH WE WANT HIM HERE- HE CAN STAY PLEASE ! I had all sorts of staff and Directors etc – stating he COULD GO BACK to Rehab. I spoke to Rehab representatives who had found out that morning he wasn’t coming back –
Dr. PXXXX actually told the staff I was sending my husband to a skilled nursing facility – which was NOT TRUTHFUL I hadn’t made up my mind at that point and was waiting to hear back from the Clinic. HE HAD NO BUSINESS SPEAKING FOR ME!!!! AND Dr. AXXXXXXXXX had not made any such determination as to my husband’s status as I was told by Rehab. Staff on Thursday morning .
The decision to leave was very hard we had received excellent care but what with the No Room at the Inn fiasco and the pushing to leave and make other plans during a time of great distress for me and my family and the “statin” situation we have moved my husband. He is very weak but starting to respond.
My feeling is your facility fell down in not communicating to the family properly – social workers should give “all pertinent information”- in laypersons language and a full explanation as to why ( days of paper work etc) to families who are under stress as it is.
At least two of your physicians caused more harm, emotionally to the family and in one case could have caused other issues. Due to the protein treatments given in ER , to combat the Xarelto I informed them that within days he would get a major gout flare up ( Gout initially due to statins after his open heart surgery in 2002. Which is WHY NO Statins) . He did get a Gout attack on the Wednesday Jan 23rd in Rehab, they drained the knee and gave him a cortisone shot but the damage was done.
Photo source : https://www.researchgate.net/figure/Healthcare-professional-views-of-hospital-to-home-care-transitions_fig1_230565561
Why the 2nd massive brain bleed the next morning – well we aren’t sure, but REHAB staff saved his life and the fact he isn’t there today at your facility is entirely at the hands of administrative decisions poor communication between social workers and overriding a medical allergy without discussing why it was necessary with the family. Questions feel free to contact me……
I don’t think I need to go into further detail this letter pretty much said it all. And the cost so far for Mercy Health – is approximately $70,000.00 and climbing .
Next Up Cleveland Clinic Rehabilitation Hospital
Medical Care -a consumers prospective-Mercy Health Lorain
Part One– https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2019/03/22/the-ratings-of-medical-facilities-series-it-begins/
Part Two- https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2019/04/09/medical-care-from-a-consumers-perspective-ohio/
Mercy Health — Lorain Hospital https://www.mercy.com/locations/hospitals/lorain
Our particular health care journey started with a fall January 18th/19th 2019 and a call to 911 and a rescue squad. Since the patient, my husband, had fallen and was unconscious for a few minutes it was decided to take him the the emergency room. In this case although our physicians and hospital of choice is St. John’s Westshore, the drivers would only take him to the nearest ER.
Westlake, OH 44145
In July 2016 – another fall had required a trip to the Mercy Health Lorain ER. I was not impressed at all with that particular visit, the ER at that time left a lot to be desired, imho and after three hours of not seeing anyone higher that a Nurse Practitioner I insisted my husband be transferred to St. John’s West Shore.
The diagnosis was very serious Rhabdomyolysis
Many days were spent in the hospital recovering from this health issue and all the problems it entailed.
Needless to say a trip to the Mercy Health ER in Lorain was not something I relished, but I knew I could insist on him being transferred if worse came to worse. I have to say I was pleasantly surprised in the difference from 2016. We were seen quickly by a team of nurses and a physician ( not one lone nurse practitioner) and when the diagnosis of a small brain bleed an intracranial bleed was determined.
A brain hemorrhage refers to bleeding in the brain. This medical condition is also known as a brain bleed or an intracranial hemorrhage.
I was relieved to have a Neurosurgeon who was already in the ER come in an explain the situation. The fall had caused this small brain bleed but it was exasperated by the fact that since 2016 my husband was on the blood thinner Xarelto
The ER “team” had to use other meds in order to lessen and counteract the effects of the Xarelto. I had to sign papers to that effect. As I signed the required documents I read of the “proteins” that would be used. This brought up another problem … because all my husband records were with St. John’s and his UH physicians the records at Mercy were very sketchy and out of date. Proteins being pumped in to my husband will cause ( within 4 days) an attack of gout. Of course his doctors at UH were aware of that but I had to inform the ER physician of this, I think he thought I was not at all to be taken seriously and the almost “pat on the head – there/ there” look crossed his face. Gout indeed?????
So there you are in the ER at 1 in the morning trying to rack your brain , as you are worried and anxious as to what this particular “team needed to know” allergies, past medical history , medications he was on, when he last took anything, insurances because Mercy did not have access to his patient information – they are under a different system.
I am sure they thought I was over stating the problems, gout and bad reactions to statins, so NO STATINS- remember that because it does come back to haunt, both the gout and the Statins.
This is something in my opinion that needs to be addressed. We as a family decided to have him admitted to Mercy for observation, the bleed location was not operable and they hoped it would be absorbed. The decision to stay was based on two reasons:
Hindsight has confirmed that our decision to stay was indeed the right one.
A hell of a storm broke that morning and roads were closed. I could not get out of my house for two days. My daughter and husband with their large vehicle did manage. Cat scans were done and all was progressing nicely . However, 4 1/2 days after he was admitted the “proteins” did do their damndest and a major gout attack took place, blood pressure and pain were an issue. A doctor was called in to give a shot and to drain the knee on that Wednesday evening.
Early Thursday morning I received a call from the nurse at Mercy …
“my family had to get to the hospital right away – there had been a complication- my husband had collapsed with a massive brain bleed- we needed to get there quickly”
By the time we arrived at Mercy Health he was already intubated and prepped for major brain surgery. He had had a massive subdural hematoma:
“People with a bleeding disorder and people who take blood thinners are more likely to develop a subdural hematoma. A relatively minor head injury can cause subdural hematoma in people with a bleeding tendency.”
As luck would have it the Neurosurgeon that had inspired confidence in that ER was ready to operate . My husband was rushed into the operating room , we were told to call relatives etc. I have to say the “rapid response team” of nurses and professionals were wonderful , they did along with my favorite neurosurgeon ( by now) saved his life that morning .
Hours in the waiting room, moved to ICU and prognosis iffy– the next 72 hours would tell the tale …..
Medical Care – From a Consumer’s Perspective- Ohio
Photo Source : https://revenuesandprofits.com/top-20-u-s-healthcare-companies-by-2016-revenues/
Part One– https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2019/03/22/the-ratings-of-medical-facilities-series-it-begins/
The amount of money spent “annually” in the United States on health care is, according to Forbes Magazine
Americans spent $3.5 trillion on healthcare in 2017, adding up to 17.9% of GDP, nearly the same as 2016’s 18% share. Healthcare spending grew by 3.9%, the slowest it’s grown since 2013 and slower than the previous year’s 4.8%.
The main reason overall healthcare spending grew more slowly was because of less growth in the amount of healthcare services people used and in the use of fancier services like MRI instead of CT scans. This is one category called “use and intensity” and is what’s left over after the report authors at the Centers for Medicare and Medicaid Services subtract out spending growth that is attributable to U.S. population demographic changes and healthcare prices going up.
And you can find a good article on the breakdown of those costs in this article by the Washington Post https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/wonk/wp/2016/12/27/the-u-s-spends-more-on-health-care-than-any-other-country-heres-what-were-buying/?noredirect=on&utm_term=.d76a430d79f9
White Coat of Death by Chris Ritchey
My point is: This healthcare industry is a HUGE , unwieldy , money devouring creature , as we spend to stay alive, enjoy a “healthy ” life for longer . Americans are paying through the nose. The healthcare “industry” from doctors offices, clinics, drugstore/ drugs, emergency rooms, ambulance services hospitals , nursing homes – they truly do have a lucrative business https://www.payingforseniorcare.com/longtermcare/statistics.html
Percentage of all federal domestic spending that goes to the elderly: 46%. Average annual health care costs for older Americans who earn more than $30,000 a year: $11,000 … Average cost to stay in a US nursing home for one year: $76,680.
Average Nursing Home / Rehabilitation Facility hourly pay ranges from approximately $11.46 per hour for Dietary Aide to $19.00 per hour for Admissions Coordinator
“The consumer movement is partly an age-related phenomenon. Each generation of patients has unique emotional triggers and motivations for how they choose care providers. Seniors (age 70+) still follow their doctors’ recommendations, but Baby Boomers (age 45-65) treat healthcare decisions more like consumers: they research their options, challenge assumptions and rely on conversations to make their choices. Young adults (age 20-45) are more inclined to shop around and show preference for healthcare brands; while they won’t admit it, they’re heavily influenced by great advertising, social networks and word of mouth recommendations.”
The Ratings of Medical facilities Series- IT BEGINS
These past weeks have been very tough both emotionally and physically on this family. I have not written anything for those weeks except of course for the 3rd of the month remembrances of my son, Chris.
Hopefully as we come to the end of “hospitalization” and I am still in a state of hope that will end soon and we can move on to healing at home and with “out-patient therapy”.
Honestly every single day since January 19th has been taken up with the health issue , there has been no room in my life for all things “Lorain”, blight, history , drug dealers and housing courts and “less than ” judges , slum lords, or any of the other 60 categories covered over the years on this blog.
I am lucky if I can get home , get something to eat and fall into bed. I am too tired to research and weigh in on , Lorain City school fiasco https://www.forbes.com/sites/petergreene/2019/02/27/lorain-ohio-and-the-failure-of-school-takeover-policy/#47fa8004faa6 as I have done in previous years , saving historical sites, attend any of the meetings. I was lucky I had a break to do the tax papers for Charleston Village Society Inc. – the “site” on 2nd and Oberlin has not had my attention at all, thanks has to go to the volunteers and City of Lorain Utilities for stepping in. I haven’t even written our annual report for the website but I will.
the site today
I will focus on the three healthcare facilities we have personally been involved with since January 18th 2019
Mercy Health — Lorain Hospital https://www.mercy.com/locations/hospitals/lorain
I would remind readers of this blog , as always :“these are my personal opinions based upon my personal experiences with documentation and records where applicable”.I will of course be sending the links to these posts as they happen to the administrative officers of all the facilities involved with their chance for rebuttal or explanations and for their information.
Chris Ritchey Face book icon
March 3rd – The Rating – Chris Ritchey
ART WORK- CHRIS RITCHEY
It has been a short month February but one of the longest in other ways. We are now on our third venue with regard to “hospitals and rehab”. As we traverse yet another life changing road, I believe it is time to rate the experiences.
Chris Ritchey Face book icon
Your hospital experience found me pretty much a novice and very naïve, because your “bride” was part of the Cleveland Clinic System, Southpointe and Main Campus I deferred to her- a huge mistake– I will always believe that to be the case . That perceived mistake is not one I will ever make again. Much to the irritation of CEO’s, some Doctors, not so much the nurses, but aides and hospital protocols I am involved more than just visiting at regular hour, I am an advocate for “my patient and loved one” and your sister is just a younger version of me!
It is you and your strength that has kept me , if not on an even keel at least afloat and once again it is anger that keeps me upright.
I know the signs and I know you are with us on this journey , just as I carried you beneath my heart and shared souls – that continues as does my love for you. I will write the story of our latest journey , the Kudos, the positives and negatives of each of the facilities – maybe others having similar journeys will see the pitfalls and the solutions.
I love and miss you more than ever ………
Sherrod Brown and Hospice THANK YOU- Lorain
This blog has been all about death and dying recently – more so than usual. It has been a long 6 months since my mum was put under Hospice Care. I have to give a shout out to Mercy New Life Hospice – Kolbe Road. https://www.mercy.com/locations/specialty-locations/hospice-care-palliative-care/mercy-new-life-hospice
because their nurses and aides helped me keep my promise to my mum that she would stay in what became her home here with us.
It was NOT easy, anyone that tells you that being a “carer ” 24 hours a day 7 days a week will not leave you drained, frustrated , emotionally pulled in so many directions has not walked that path.
I found myself having to do things for my mum in those last weeks that I hated doing and she hated having done. She could tell by my face that I was struggling with things. I was never cut out to be a nurse , never wanted to care for the ill but you do things you never thought you would because of love. There were times I didn’t think I could keep my promise as lifting and being “on duty” 24/7 took their toll physically, my husband and I were the walking wounded to begin with. Thank goodness for my daughter who stepped up to the plate on more than one occasion.
And then all of a sudden she was gone, my job was gone as well, it has taken many days not to listen for the sound of her “chimes” calling me upstairs to help her. Not to look at the clock , not to wake at 3 in morning and get up and check on her. The days of trying to find something she could eat or might tempt her to eat put aside. Tea was her elixir of life in this house.
I am grateful to the Doctors , nurses and aides because those last months she and I didn’t have to worry about the prescription coverages, the medical bills. WHY because she was covered by insurance and why was that ?
Regular Readers will remember this time last year I was fighting the gatekeepers . Kasich , the Governor of Ohio , had done away with the medical program under which my mother was covered and paid into for decades. People who should have known a way forward did not help this 98-year-old woman , bureaucracy abounded and for months I fought and cajoled only to be turned away by the local Social Security Offices ( Medicare) – Job and family Services – all this is documented and one day I will write in-depth the whole sorry fiasco. I was at my wit’s end for so many weeks – I was helpless – ME who can cut through the crap to solutions stymied , lost in a healthcare limbo, not knowing where to turn next.
https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2018/02/21/the-gatekeepers-keeping-us-out-part-one/
On November 6th we will be voting , I am in a quandary as to how most of my votes will be cast BUT there is one person who will receive my vote as well as that of my family Sherrod Brown – https://www.brown.senate.gov/
Why???? because his staff in Lorain and “his” caring , expertise and knowledge of the medical system, federal programs cut through all the gobbledegook I was facing and pointed us in the direction of HELP when not one other agency or politician would or could.
Still the confusion with bureaucrats and up jumped Muppets of Medical abounded BUT now I had people with knowledge to help us through and that was totally thanks to Sherrod Brown and his offices. Because of that my mum and I only had to deal with “dying” and could access the medical assistance she needed .
So yes this is a political “Vote For” post but I know in my heart of hearts this man and the people he employs CARE and cared when I needed the help the most. I am not a Democrat or Republican and haven’t ever before asked anyone to “vote For” but I am doing so now and I take this plea very seriously please vote for Senator Sherrod Brown thank you ………..
June 3rd – Coma – Chris Ritchey
Think I Am – Chris Ritchey
I used to love June -NOW another month that causes anguish to the soul- although life is bursting , skies blue, roses red I can’t abide the ‘happiness’- the June Brides make me cringe. I remember, the day you married and by doing so brought with it the eventual pain that was “gifted” to your family by those “people”
Lombardi (Vyka etc. )and Company
The “wedding anniversary” is also the day this year when the “Clinic” will “dispose of what was left of your life essence.
https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2017/04/03/april-3rd-sample-of-life-chris-ritchey/
And here it was -the Clinic apparently had not “disposed of ” (their term) the sample upon your death as contracted . Now, I have to make the decision to call them re maintaining the samples – should I do nothing they will commence the disposal on what would ironically be your wedding anniversary !!!!
I have looked at the letter from those “other “doctors” telling me to make a legal decision otherwise they will dispose of….
I could not bring myself to ring them, or contact them – like an indecisive coward – I couldn’t bring anymore “finality ” into my being, I couldn’t make the decision, I couldn’t revisit the finality. I am not strong enough to face the reality of that. I know that by doing nothing the procedure of disposal will take place on what would have been your “wedding anniversary”. I wish I could dispose of those memories as easily but they come into being every June and with them the disgust I feel for the hypocrites of their religion. I am sickened by the controllers and “do overs”.
I wish things could have been different, that it was me that went on your last journey – not you. The memories of those last days and hours constantly being pushed away from conscious thought so I can “maintain some sort of balance”
Chris’ face book icon
Again the wondering and worrying of what was happening to you as you lay in that damned clinic like a lab rat on show. Could you hear as I sang to you, talked to you – tubes running everywhere. I asked for the Drs. to stop talking over you like a piece of meat that was cut off from “life”. I knew, as watched the stats, saw the rise in heart beats when they did that or when Sue Lombardi entered the room. (one of the reasons the head nurse expelled her as her presence aggravated you). Wanting “the invited others” by the Lombardis and co to leave the room as they did their collective death watch. I was frightened that if I did cause an issue it might effect or upset you and you unable to respond. Did you hear conversations? Did you know?
It was after you died and I was contacted by a young woman from the east coast in another June , she too was dying, going through the journey of hope with Hodgkin’s Lymphoma recurring , the trials, the chemo, the numerous hospital stays the days of dying.
Hi Lorraine, This is XXXXXXXX. I hope you still use this email. I found it in a post from Sept. Your blog is fantastic. Thank you so much for writing. It’s great to get a sense of the parents perspective. It’s a vision my parents like to keep from me. Take care.
We talked, via email, of how I felt and your dad as she was trying to help her parents and what they were feeling as they were being “brave”
She asked me if there was anything she could do to help me understand what you went through . I told her about your dad and how when he was intubated, after open heart surgery, in a induced coma and flooded with drugs as to how , although we could not see any movement , no squeezing of hands- he KNEW everything that we were saying and how awful it was to be trapped in his own mind.
http://www.jems.com/articles/print/volume-33/issue-1/patient-care/intubation-101-what-do-what-ca.html
In her case she too, numerous times had been intubated, drugged, paralized and comatose although she had managed to go through that so many times. Her Hodgkin’s came back 14 times before she eventually passed, she was still hopeful at the very end.
What she told me that email that June did help me some.
“your thoughts rush.. come in fragments .. you hear voices… see colors… , the movement is jarring yet you know you are not moving … you are between…. floating and yet tied… you struggle at times to surface as if drowning…
Assignment – Chris Ritchey-CIA
When you are brought back from the “sleep” you can’t really remember if you are waking from a bad dream , if the voices you heard are real and then you forget and move on to the next days. The doctors said I was dreaming that I couldn’t hear but I did tell one about his problem he was telling Nurse ( name given) , he was annoyed because someone had taken his parking place and he “was going to find out who”. He was very surprised.
She told me , for her, although what was happening was frightening she knew she was surrounded by her husband, mother , father and sister and they were keeping her safe. and that you drift in and out not knowing really what was or is real. ” it is all real your reality – to live with”
I have clung to her words , as a mother, hoping against hope that as you lay there those last days, never to come off that tube, you didn’t know the circus your dying was turning into – hoping that you thought you were dreaming and would awaken to sunlight not hearing the “dying words” – and you knew we loved you and still do
artwork Chris Ritchey
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