Posts filed under ‘Love’
July 3rd- NO LIMITS- Chapter 6 – Chris Ritchey
No Limits- The book
Forward: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/01/02/jan-3rd-no-limits-the-forward-chris-ritchey/
Chapter One :https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/02/03/feb-3rd-no-limits-chapter-1-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Two:https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/03/03/march-3rd-no-limits-
Chapter Three: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/04/03/april-3rd-no-limits-chapt-3-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Four: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/05/03/no-limits-chapter-4-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Five: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/06/03/june-3rd-no-limits-chapter-5-chris-ritchey/
If the night before at the Rehearsal Dinner was hot , the day of the wedding dawned humid and hotter. I don’t handle heat and no sleep at the best of times, and this definitely wasn’t a good time. For the sake of my children and family I tried so hard to act cheerful and excited, all the while with this great lump of concrete in my gut and a dread of things to come. I can only liken this feeling to having the overwhelming feeling /intuition by getting on to a plane and knowing it will crash. I knew the prognosis for Chris form of cancer Hodgkin’s Lymphoma was excellent, 95 percent cure rate, ” if you had to have cancer this is the one you would want” a few rounds of chemo and a couple of treatments of radiation and you will be fine.
BUT then why did everything in my mind scream at me there is a world of hurt coming our way ……?
artwork Chris Ritchey
THE WEDDING
I knew that Chris would be putting on a brave face, he had a round of chemo on the Thursday and it usually caught up with him by the Saturday, and here he was having to go through a horrendously busy morning, afternoon and evening. I knew he would not let on how he was dealing and feeling with all the poisons coursing through his body. He was so particular when it came to Nikki’s wedding in regard to his tuxedo, having to make a special trip to the tailor to have it adjusted the day before. Nana and Chris at Nikki’s Wedding
Chris had lost weight with the cancer and chemo and his tux was too big, but he didn’t seem to care, not at all like Chris, but then he had more on his plate to worry about.
The wedding at St. Mary’s Catholic Church officiated by Father Daniel Divis , Chris had refused the usual Catholic protocol to get married in the church , and he was allowed to do so probably due to the cancer diagnosis and the Father Divis “relationship” he had with the Lombardis.
I sat in that church , not being very enamored with organized religion as a bit of a hypocrite, but it was Chris and Angela’s day , it was her faith and she was very in touch with her faith. My husband and mother and I sat there “together but alone” .
The ceremony over , and I couldn’t hear a word, but then Angela always made me feel like I was deaf, so soft spoken was she. I had spent the morning putting together a small cooler bag for Chris and the wedding party ( mainly for Chris) to take in the limo. It had cold water , some snacks he could eat after chemo , and some cool cloths as his body temps rose after chemo set in.
Wedding over I came home showered and cried until it was time to put on the “face” again for the reception. No matter how I tried I just could not get out of this terrible feeling like some darkness was going to envelop me.
Oh ! this happy day could only get worse heat wise when the air-conditioning at the Holiday Inn failed. However, as bad as that was as I went to the gifts table to put our check in for the Bride and Groom , not a “wishing well” or a cute little decorated box but a “casket ” with flowers on the top courtesy of Sue Lombardi ‘WHAT WAS THE WOMAN THINKING – WAS THIS APPROPRIATE” Was I being overly sensitive? although the comments from my friends they too were shocked and my mother was furious.
” I knew as soon as I saw that coffin on the table it would hurt you Loraine”
The wedding although apparently enjoyed by others left me flat especially when Father Divis reacted to the best man’s speech, I wrote about it afterward , (at the time I did not mention his name BUT of course now in that blog post he is mentioned )as I was shocked , although this man of God would shock me later after the death of my son to my core !
“This was brought home over the weekend ( and I can take a joke better that a lot of people) . A speech that bordered on not only the insulting ( for me )cultural racism by a priest (Daniel O. Divis – Office of the Secretariat)who insulted every English person and non catholic at a function. He spoke of Ulster and Northern Ireland in a way that for those of us who lived through the bombings and were directly effected by the IRA and the terrorism THEY inflicted upon a population both Irish and English , that was financed primarily from this side of the Atlantic was akin to making jokes about 911. Would you tolerate jokes about 911?
So what makes it OK for a pseudo “Irish” priest of Lorain to make the jokes and insult a group of people because they are “English”? A fellow diner said it is just ignorance of the situation– I beg to differ any Catholic Priest who claims Irish lineage KNEW exactly what he was saying, which to me makes it all the more disgraceful – am I wrong??????
You tell me when is it ok for terrorism to be lauded and applauded and when is it abhorred – is it OK to make derogatory remarks as long as it is based on culture and then only one certain segment of the population’s culture – Is it Ok to do this based on culture and not colour???
Although I did have a “word” with the man- I am sure it fell on deaf ears…… So when is it OK – tell me???? because I find this grey area very confusing ?
https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2008/06/08/when-is-it-ok/
AND THIS SPEECH WAS AT A “wedding”
We got through the wedding and reception,. The Mother/ Son dance was one of the toughest things I knew I had very little control left and as we danced ( and I told Chris ( who was always my confidant) I may need Nikki and his dad to help me through. He understood , he knew me so well and we were always upfront with one another. So when I was becoming “emotionally incontinent” halfway through the dance he signaled to Nikki and his dad to join us on the floor as a group. ( that did not go down too well with the Lombardi clan) .
My husband , mother and I left at a reasonable time just after the first guests were leaving. I told Chris Nana was tired but he knew and he by this time was physically showing the effects of a very long day and the poisonous chemo. I wanted to gather my child up and make him well , but all this was now out of my hands , he was a married man now!
The next day was “come over ( to the Lombardis) and look at the presents” day , we had company so I stayed with them . The next thing I remember was Chris coming round the corner with the casket under his arm with his Best Man. I said
what are you doing here?
He said:
Sue Lombardi and her mother were anxious to open up the “box” to see how much money they received
and he said
No! he and Angela would do that later .. I don’t want them knowing our business and who gave what so I have brought it here to stop their prying . . Turns out there was no check from the Lombardis in that casket,
Angela said : ” they paid for the wedding”
HA! thanks to their “bar arrangements” we paid more to the Holiday Inn for the drinks etc. than they paid for the wedding, and I know that how ? The wedding planner lady was so frustrated with them and their way of ordering her about she told me and actually gave me a discount on the total bar bill.
And so the next weeks came and went all too quickly.
To be continued …..
June 3rd- No Limits- Chapter 5- Chris Ritchey
No Limits- The book
Forward: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/01/02/jan-3rd-no-limits-the-forward-chris-ritchey/
Chapter One :https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/02/03/feb-3rd-no-limits-chapter-1-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Two:https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/03/03/march-3rd-no-limits-
Chapter Three: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/04/03/april-3rd-no-limits-chapt-3-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Four: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/05/03/no-limits-chapter-4-chris-ritchey/
The wedding plans went on. I excused myself from most of them by feigning migraines leaving my mother, daughter and husband to do the duty.
I was stretched thin on patience and discretion and retreat was for the me the better part of valor. I know my limits and I knew I could not deal with the Lombardi women ( at least not quietly).
The kick off came re the bridesmaid dresses , the drama- because my daughter ( who was, in my opinion, added to the group because of Chris’ insistence) DARED to have her dress altered to better fit. The phone call from the irate Sue Lombardi after they saw Nikki’s dress hanging at the seamstress ( without their permission) . I was curious as to WHY they apparently were at that same seamstress with their garments was never explained.
It was then after the ensuing chastising phone call from Sue, Chris who was irate, as he listened, as I dealt with his future mother in law , not angry with me but with Angela and Sue and the upset such a pettiness caused – I decided to politely back away from all things concerning the wedding, apart from paying. Truth be known they really didn’t want my input and obviously Chris was becoming caught in the middle of the women of his life at the same time as dealing with cancer.
We managed to get through the wedding shower all smiles and faking for the guests.
There was no way I could go to the “hen night”, aptly named in my opinion, so the dreaded migraine reappeared although I know I didn’t fool Chris , but he understood, he understood me better than anyone.That duty was left to Nikki and my mother .
My mother , bless her, got a bit inebriated ( thanks to Nikki) and since they were not made the most welcome by the “clan”, barely speaking to them I am told. My mother joined people at another table , after a few of the beverages my daughter ordered for her became the hit of the night with the other tables.
A dear friend, Mark, was eating at the same venue , he took some photos called me and said
” Your mum is such a character, she is entertaining the whole restaurant by grabbing a blow up man from another hen night group and dancing around the place, cheered on by the onlookers.
Not bad for a 90 year old woman.
Chris, who turned up with his friends to drive people home, laughed and said
Mum , Nana is just wonderful
I don’t think she went down too well with the Lombardi’s though.
a smile from Sue would have cracked her face in two
said Chris.
The Friday, of the rehearsal dinner on the 6th dawned so very hot and airless, totally out of keeping for early June. The wedding date was based on Angela wanting 06.07.08 numerical sequence. The dinner was planned at a facility overlooking Lake Erie in Lakeview Park. I had booked the place before it was even finished being built.
There was (of course) issues as to my choice of menu, I had decided on heavy, hot and cold hors d’oeuvres. I worked with a local caterer, who actually had been a family friend, well respected for his establishment and catering abilities. He told me that when the Lombardi women came to his establishment to check out its viability for the reception, they left him feeling insulted by their attitude . He was quite annoyed, and went above and beyond in all I asked from him.
The menu included mini Beef Wellingtons, meatballs, pasta, mini quiches, a carvery ( turkey, beef and ham) for sandwiches, salads of all kinds, crab claws and shrimp in ice, underneath an ice vase sculpture topped with flowers. Beer and wine ( no hard liquor allowed at that time) . cakes , cookies and deserts, strawberries and fresh fruit. The table fared groaned with food. However, when Angela was shown the menu, prior to the dinner ( as a courtesy I might add) , she went into the den with Chris and sent him out and he said to me….
Angela feels this needs to be adjusted , people will be coming in from out of town ( the event was set of 50) they will be hungry and she doesn’t think hors d’oeuvres will be appropriate , she suggests chicken , red skin potatoes , green beans and cheese and macaroni.
I said:
NO! Chris – this is my contribution to your wedding . I have put a great deal of thought, along with Nikki, and Nana on this from entertainment , decor and giving you something from me!
I realized Angela had not been at any of my “party planning” previously but I looked at Chris and said
when have I ever not had enough food at anything I have planned?
I called my caterer and told him what had been said and I asked him to add something along the line of chicken wings and a macaroni dish. He sighed and said “Typical”
The morning of the rehersal dinner I drove to Lakeview Park to check on final arrangement the food, tables , decorations etc. I looked out as I got into my car over to the lighthouse where Chris and Angela had become engaged.
Lorain Lighthouse – Lorain 365 ( L. Miller)
Nikki and I had helped Chris plan that July day of engagement, 11 months prior, the “asking Angela to marry me “place”. Christopher saying:
“You helped Jim to make Nikki’s engagement special you have to help me make this special too mum!
And Nikki and I did help- organizing champagne, roses, a table holding silver goblets and a boat trip to the Lorain Lighthouse on a beautiful day. Anticipating celebration Nikki and I, dad and others sat on the patio of the Jacalope restaurant looking out at the lighthouse happy for the young couple on this very special day.
So why, as I sat in the car looking out at the same scene- the same lighthouse shimmering in the heat of the day the afternoon before the wedding, albeit from a different perspective – why did, I feel such panic and the “knowing” this wedding should not take place?
I looked out on a shining blue lake, sunshine kissing the waves and argued with myself:
“What the hell is wrong with you, why aren’t you happy you should be happy –
Yes, Chris has been diagnosed with Hodgkin’s but the prognosis is good, why aren’t you wanting to celebrate?
Angela has stood by him through this diagnosis, she has helped him – she has stuck by him- this has to be such a difficult time for her – (I admired her and was grateful to her for that)
He is getting married, starting a life so what is it with you? Why are you sitting here at Lakeview looking out at the lighthouse and feeling such a dreadful feeling?
I went home in a mood so dark, I couldn’t shake the feeling this wedding should not take place. My husband called my daughter I was in such a foul temper!
“you had better come talk to your mother she is having a melt down”
It was as if every fiber of my being was pulling at me NO! this wedding must not happen it will bring pain and sorrow to those I love. What was making me think this way? I have always trusted my “gut feelings” and this time I couldn’t and wouldn’t.
My daughter duly arrived and told me off in such a fashion as to make my own guilt and selfishness of feeling take place of the dreadful fear or premonition I was experiencing – Nikki did not hold back in her telling me like it was:
This is Chris’ wedding- the happiest day of his life- You have to stop this you have to think of Chris, he will be fine he will come out the other side of this, you can’t let him see you like this.
Of course , I thought she is right, once again I was being selfish, Chris has to come first and so you have to suck it up.
The rehearsal dinner for which I was responsible was lovely and everything went well I thought. I put on a brave face and tried to be a good hostess , but that feeling of dread did not leave – it was there with every smile every word uttered.
Chapter 6 the Wedding…….
No LIMITS – Chapter 4- Chris Ritchey
No Limits- The book
Forward: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/01/02/jan-3rd-no-limits-the-forward-chris-ritchey/
Chapter One :https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/02/03/feb-3rd-no-limits-chapter-1-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Two:https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/03/03/march-3rd-no-limits-
Chapter Three: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/04/03/april-3rd-no-limits-chapt-3-chris-ritchey/
I watched out the window as my son’s car drew up outside and he walked slowly to the house. He no longer had that bounce of youth, he walked like an old man with the weight of the world crashing down on him. He had started out that day on a journey of hope, love and a wedding and returned with a diagnosis of obscenity.
He just reached the living room when Nikki flew in the door, her face full of confusion and pain, mirroring her brothers. Jim, her husband standing there not knowing what to say or do, my husband sitting in the chair in shock. Chris trying to reassure us that it could be wrong
“they said his blood counts were all in the normal range so maybe it wasn’t as bad as we were told- they were going to have to do more tests”.
Angela was on her way to the house. I put my faith in the fact she was a going to be a doctor, maybe she could make sense out of what we were being told. Maybe she could find out more than we could.
Angela and Chris went into the den, not to discuss a bright wedding and future but “cancer”. I sat on the couch Nikki and my husband looking to me to sort this out” because that is what I do – I fix things , I have a plan, I see a way through only this time my brain was numb , I was at a loss. Chris came out of the den and sat on the bottom landing of the stairs, Angela beside him. No one said anything, no way forward, no plans just this terrible pall that enveloped us.
Then some small talk which ensued about Chris’ dog, Misty, those that loved Chris trying to erase the obscenity with normalcy. I just couldn’t be “brave” any longer pretending this was just another afternoon sitting there in this surreal world. I knew I would crumble and I had to leave the living room and escape from the “living” room of horror it had become.
I lay on my bed, the silence from below deafening, trying to sort through all the fear, the uncertainty , trying to figure out what I needed to do. Nothing was penetrating except the word CANCER in my brain. Cancer became my world in that moment, it threw up its own walls around me. Then , Chris was there – he put his hand on my shoulder and said
“Mum it will be OK”
I remember saying Oh Chris I am so scared. As soon as I said it I realized I was being selfish. This was not about me , this was about my beautiful son, who just had the worst news in the world and he was , as he had done so many times before, putting his family before himself. I
felt guilty because whatever I was feeling he was the one who would have to fight this obscenity. I must put aside and cover my own terror , to be there no matter what for my son, he needed to be first and foremost , I couldn’t do anything about what treatments were needed and what he would have to go through but I would do whatever was needed to see he got whatever it was he needed to survive. I could be his mother and put my son first. I felt relief, his bride- to- be seemed as if she would be supportive and with her knowledge of the medical options. He had his sister, who would move heaven and earth for him, he would have a support group of love to see him through. I would wait for the results of the tests and once more my brain started to function.
The tests, the diagnosis, doctors’ visits and the treatment began as did the days of hope and horror as the “curable cancer Hodgkin’s Lymphoma invaded my son’s body and our world. Initially the obscenity was treated as “Oh if you have to have cancer this is the one you want” 4 to 6 chemo treatment spot radiation and you will be fine – 95% cure rate. The prognosis was excellent, just a small bump in the road of life.
I walked into the “chemo “ room that first day- March 13th 2008 , I had driven Chris and Angela to South Pointe Hospital ( an hour’s drive from home) to start his treatment after meeting with Dr.Abraksia who was chosen by his bride- to -be , Angela.
The decision made sense at the time, Angela would be doing her residency at South Pointe, and the hospital was in the Cleveland Clinic System. When Chis and Angela married in a couple of months’ time they would be living in the vicinity. I convinced myself this was a good idea. I, at the time, admired this young woman, Angela, she would be supportive and seemed to take the diagnosis in stride, she seemed calm and cool whereas I was being consumed by fear, panic and doubt. Perhaps it was her faith, as well as her medical knowledge, that enabled her to be so cool. I know that was one of things my son admired in her was her “coolness” and quiet voice.
Close up of Intravenous drip
As I crossed the room, where half a dozen “elderly people” were hooked up to IV’s ,I saw my son- poison’s flowing into his body to kill the invader. I wanted to pull the needles from him, gather him up and run away from this place, he shouldn’t be here my mind screamed at me. Instead I sat with him for a little time. The first chemo was going to take all afternoon, I couldn’t bear watching the slow drip of poisons, so I drove the hour home, had Angela call me when they were about an hour from finishing and drove back to pick them up to drive home again. I had to do something I just couldn’t sit by watching destruction being pumped into my son, for chemo destroys the bad and the good.
That night, as I worried about my son, listening for his every move as he tried to sleep in the room across the landing from me. I remembered how many nights I had spent when he was a baby, getting up three or four times just to make sure he was breathing , alert even in sleep to hear the faint whimper or cry of your new born. Yet not daring to disturb him, I had had to be a positive for his sake. Finally sleep came.
Angela , Sue and Tim Lombardi
I did not know Angela’s family well, although Chris and Angela had dated for a few years, both were in college, and living away from home. We, as families, did not have much of an occasion to socialize. However, at the engagement celebration I realized the mother, Sue Lombardi , was not a person that I would embrace and that my son would have a “mother in law” who controlled and was self-promoting . Well his problem I thought, little did I know she would end up my problem.
I awoke in the early morning hours of that first night after chemo, shaking, gasping for breath. I had a dream; it was so real.
I was in a room, in the middle of the room was an open casket in which lay my son and around this casket was Angela, her mother and father and family. I was drenched in sweat and tears, the realization it was a nightmare slowly came to the front of my mind.
I crept, as quietly as I could, into my son’s room to check on him – he was awake.
“You alright mum?”
I said:
yes just wondering if I can get you anything?
Some cold water would be nice, this stuff is warm–
a smile and the beginning of a pretense way of dealing- I would check on his “water needs” I would be reassured he was alright and the game of pretending began, both of us knowing “ I was awake – do you need some water/ juice?” was not the real reason for my “checking in”.
The next day , I opened up my terror to my good friend Barb, I broke down when she called to check on how we were, Christopher was her godson I tried the small talk but blurted out
“ Barb I am going to watch my son die”
A very definite Barbara firmly stated:
Pull yourself together, the prognosis is great, don’t be silly, you have to put those thoughts from you for Chris’s sake – he will be fine.
And so I tried, all through those weeks of chemo, to push aside the negative thoughts that would creep into my head; but still the dream came back to haunt of Angela and her family standing around the casket.
E. Munch- 1895
The wedding plans continued and I tried to be normal, but the doubt and dream tore at m. I wear my heart on my sleeve, always have done, I am not good at hiding my emotions and thoughts…..
To be continued
Nana’s MY BOOK- memories of another time
ED NOTE: My mother, Violet Janet Gabbey 1919-2018
My mum had a long and amazing life. Mum was 99 when she passed and was loved by all her friends and family. However, 40 years ago she was going through a very trying and emotional time in her life. Her only child, me, was three thousand miles away in the United States at the time and was unable to do much of anything.
Mum had nights of not sleeping I suggested she use that time to start writing down her memories of being young for her granddaughter , Nikki . I have always found writing things down cathartic and still find that to be the case. Mum scribbled notes on scraps of paper every time she couldn’t sleep .( I still have those notes)
A few years ago we sat in the den and she and I put them in some sort of order. Mum then sent a copy of what she named “MY BOOK” to the oldest grandchild of each of her brothers and sisters and to some special people .
Please remember when reading her words and memories it was a very different time , especially in her young years, what was pretty much the norm then probably wouldn’t be acceptable today.
Cover Design Chris Ritchey
So , where is the beginning of it all? Upon reflection and trying to summon up the very first picture, there is a faint imprint in my mind. Can a child of three really retain, retell the event so many years on? Could I really see six or seven human forms lying on a mattress of black and white ticking strung between wooden frames? The box like shapes, the harsh sounds of human retching , the pungent smell of oil and vomit, that unpleasant fragrance still is in my nostrils. Some photo of that time with its sights and smells must have embedded itself forever in my mind
I can still feel still the roll and steady beat of a noise below. I was huddled, warmed and comforted by another little body next to mine. I can see my mother lying stretched out a short distance away from us; her long dark hair was damp and lying untidily on the pillow. I knew somehow she was ill too. My Father was on his feet , I see his arms with dark shapes and lines on them holding a cup to my mouth. He was telling me
“Drink this, you will feel better”
then oblivion and I remember no more .
Many years afterwards I made the discovery that my first recollection was of being in a cabin of a troop ship travelling home to England. The ship was bringing soldiers and their families, who had been serving in southern Ireland ( where the Anglo – Irish War – [1919-1921] had broken out after the Great War.(1914-1918)
My father was a soldier and a very good one. I fear, however he always drank too much and was forever shouting . He had scores of wonderful stories in him. He had a moustache which tickled and scratched when he would kiss you.
The dark shapes and lines were tattoos which he had subjected himself to in a far away land. When I was very little and asked about them he said the one said ” I love Betty” I used to wonder how could my mother bear to see that day after day , as her name was Charlotte! However, the “I love Betty” was just my fathers peculiar sense of humour . When I was older and could read and looked more closely I found there was only two hearts entwined with a lover’s knot and there was no wording there at all……
To be continued:
April 3rd- NO LIMITS -Chapt 3- Chris Ritchey
No Limits- The book
https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/01/02/jan-3rd-no-limits-the-forward-chris-ritchey/
https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/02/03/feb-3rd-no-limits-chapter-1-chris-ritchey/
https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/03/03/march-3rd-no-limits-chapt-3-chris-ritchey/
After the engagement announcement and the resulting kerfuffle with the in laws to be, I decided I would only do what I was asked , no suggestions or real involvement with this wedding. I could tell it would be walking on egg shells time.
A few days after the ring fiasco Chris called and said Angela wanted us to go to Beechwood where she had made an appointment to try on wedding gowns. It was rather short notice but Nikki and I, for the sake of fence mending, agreed to share in what should have been a delightful afternoon. In fact it was except the mother of the bride was not there, aunts and grandmother etc but no Sue Lombardi. Angela duly tried on various gowns and she did look lovely. I suggested that I would purchase the wedding veil of her choice.
Since I had to get back to a meeting – already planned- Nikki and I left. I found out later Sue eventually showed up as she didn’t want to take the time off work. Chris called and said Sue was very upset and
“What would I have done- would I have taken the time off? “
” Chris you aren’t pulling me into that situation”.. and I kept quiet.
Chris had still not recovered his usual good humour , although he was speaking to his sister once again. I couldn’t figure out what we had done wrong now. Finally , Nikki told me : Apparently Chris was beside himself worrying as to how he was going to pay for the wedding items that Sue and Angela had said were his obligation. The rehearsal dinner, cars, flowers , liquor for the reception, gifts, photographer, honeymoon etc. He had spent his savings on that ring and had just been offered a position with Wyse Advertising. Since his family had paid for all his college – 5 years at Cleveland Institute of Art he did not have any student loans and he was trying to get a loan for this wedding.
I thought to myself some of those of those expenses should have been covered by the Lombardi family and they should have realized what a wedding list of over 200 would cost this young man. but as I said
I was going to keep my mouth shut .
Chris came home from work and I asked him what exactly was worrying him and he told me. I told him his father and I would pay for all he needed to pay for and not to worry. He balked at the idea and I said:
OK let us pay for it , rather than you taking out a loan and you can pay it back to us over time.
It was decided and life pretty much went on, people being young and planning. Although it wasn’t all plain sailing as the bridesmaids and groomsmen were picked and Nikki , Chris’s sister was left out of the plans. Chris asked her why she wasn’t going to look at the bridesmaids dresses and she informed him
” I wasn’t asked , I don’t believe I am part of the wedding party” ( although her husband was)
Chris immediately got on the phone to Angela
“Nikki is one of the wedding party right? ( the reply of yes if she wants to be) rather a backhanded invitation ….
Looking back these things faded into the realm of really didn’t matter they were inconsequential in the grand scheme of life. Summer passed , autumn and Christmas and then in February a trip to the Doctors for Chris, whom we thought was not getting over bronchitus and swollen glands .
Our world was suddenly turned upside down inside out and the silent screaming started : I wrote about the phone call 10 days later:
All it takes is a phone call to start you screaming
Hello!
It was a phone call that sent an icy cold that permeated through my very core and has not left me yet, my brain not wanting to “compute” what my ears were hearing, mouth dry, eyes welling with tears , the incredulousness, the denial , the confusion, the sheer terror that runs through your frame, your mind screaming, a few seconds that changes your life forever- nothing will ever be the same.
A phone call that leaves you weeping with fear, that terror, whose tentacles reach through your very being, tearing at your insides, ripping to shreds happiness and laughter. One of the people you love more than life itself, one that you gave birth to, cuddled, bathed, fed and protected is on Route 2 and has answered another (cell) phone to be told that test results (for possible bronchitis) have come back with a life threatening disease.
face of a cancer cell
Someone please wake me from this nightmare……..what am I supposed to do, what do I say, how can I do anything- someone , anyone why????????????????
The look on your husband’s face as he tries to understand the picture of what is happening with this conversation………
The dread disease that sends a mother into the world of deal making ,
No please – not my child , let it be me, take me ,God how can I bear this?
How can I be brave and make it better when my heart is exploding with pain, every part of me screaming from the gauntlet of emotions that are coursing through my very essence?
You are removed from the world around you –
Nothing matters, not the politics, not the crime, not the state of the roads, not the weddings, the weather, blogs, the pettiness, media , CRA’s, pontificators, principles , presidents, arguments ….. .nothing…. your world has shrunk, your planet consists of no more than 8 people and the all consuming fire of fear that your child is going to be in a world of hurt and you are helpless.
You want to curl up in a dark place – trying not to feel, to escape but the pain and confusion drags you back to the surface of desperation, despair and the reality that is now your world.
Eventually the body decides, through sheer exhaustion, to sleep but the nightmare doesn’t stop, you wake, a pillow wet with tears, a coldness that remains in your very core reminding you there is no escape- you truly do
“wake from sleep exhausted”(Susette Kelo)
Family , friends try to be encouraging and for that you are grateful but in a mother’s heart there is really nothing that they can do or say , you want to wake up from the nightmare, make it go away.
Make it stop
You look for anything that will give you hope -that there is a mistake but somehow inside you know the truth – it will not go away – it is going to have to be dealt with.
No matter how old your child becomes they will always be your child. You see not the young man or daughter – you see the chubby 2 year old with soft plump arms, the eyes that never change
only mummy can’t- no soft butterfly kisses or a cookie is going to fix this – there is no magic bandaid with happy faces.
Your life and that of your loved ones is contingent upon a surgeon’s knife and upon a lab in California – a stranger making a decision that will decide whether there is happiness , hope or pain to come in your life and that of your child. You are just another lab report , a number with an insurance billing code- a job of work.
This nightmare of speculation and waiting for the next body blow , like some sort of insidious torture technique, rips at you and the very fabric of your family . Life goes on around you but you are removed you go through the motions but you aren’t really there and you only care about the turmoil that one phone call caused.
The tests, the scans, the trips to the hospital, the waiting rooms with color co-ordinated furnishings, a laugh echoing through a hallway, people talking about the weather, a child crying as life goes on -biopsies, more waiting – hoping- praying pleading with a greater power
“please let them have this wrong ” “please let it be a mistake”
Watching every movement,
“are they eating , are they paler today , the cough – is it better, worse,?”
Trying to smile, to put on the brave face and make life normal until the results are in, cooking food no one really wants to eat , but the strength has to be kept up.
Laying awake watching the clock tick away the hours of life and darkness, waiting for morning……things always look better in the daylight,
but that isn’t true- the mornings come and there is no sanctuary in the watery, wintery sun. Days run into one another, hours, the calendar and the marked events deemed important enough to make note of are no longer significant in their passing.
The darkness envelopes and you think of other mothers, how do they cope with news that threatens their babies, their teenagers, the mothers whose sons and daughters return from war missing limbs and with horrific injuries, how do they cope even having them in harms way- day after day ?
How does a mother bear the news that her child is gone- no longer to hold them, to feel a heartbeat , to gaze with love upon their face, the hear their laugh , to see their eyes no more ….the gut wrenching sadness the rises up. unasked, unwanted, and overflows with the releasing of tears without warning.
Then the results and you know, even before the Doctor opens his mouth – you see his eyes- what they are…. you hear the bad news tempered with good news and hope and another journey begins…………and you know that somewhere another mother shares your pain and fear and is trying to make a deal
take me, not my child………………..
To be continued
March 3rd – NO LIMITS- Chapt 2 – Chris Ritchey
NO LIMITS-The Book
https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/01/02/jan-3rd-no-limits-the-forward-chris-ritchey/
https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/02/03/feb-3rd-no-limits-chapter-1-chris-ritchey/
I find this rehashing of “life” and the connection with the Lombardi family and my son’s choice of a life partner very difficult to bring back to light in my life and write. I wish I could file all those memories and people away in some dark corner never to be thought of again. However, in order for those that read this “book” as it will be ( after it has been serialized here) to fully understand the emotions, the relationships, the thought processes and the connection to what happened and happens after my son passed , the connections and especially those of Christopher have to be explored. In some cases , with hindsight and indeed some premonition I felt I should have seen a lot of the pain coming.
THE ENGAGEMENT- CHAPTER 2
Although I must admit to some “mother’s reservations” as to the engagement of my son and Angela Lombardi , his sister and I wanted to make this day special.
Chris had said one evening , after he and Nikki had gone to a jeweler friend of Nikki’s husband to design “the ring” – which cost him all of his savings $6,000.00 –
“Mum you helped Jim ( Nikki’s husband) find a special place for him to ask Nikki to marry him, you have to help me too”
Nikki and I set about searching the internet, making suggestions, all of which were not what Chris felt were right. Finally I said ….
“How about the top of the Lorain Lighthouse”? I am not sure if I can arrange that , but I can try to contact some of the people at the Lighthouse Foundation”
At that time the Lorain Lighthouse was still undergoing repairs and the top of the Lighthouse was not open to the public. But a few years earlier Chris had been asked to paint the Lighthouse on a shed to be put at the Marina to be used to hand out literature about Lorain. I thought that possibly they might be open to the fact he would like some help in what was supposed to be a happy occasion.
I duly did the contacts and offered to pay for a day’s insurance policy to cover the the event of just the two of them. After a lot of negotiating and Ok’s by the people involved it was a go. The date was set for July 12th. at 2:00 pm. Lighthouse volunteers entered into the excitement. It was arranged, I would meet the little boat earlier in the morning, with the champagne , a table, two wine goblets, checkered red and white table cloth and roses and they would be put at the top of the Lighthouse.
My conspirators cunningly hid them on the far side so Angela wouldn’t see them as she ascended the lighthouse platform. Angela had wanted to go to the zoo that day and was a little annoyed ( I was told later) -my son had an errand to do for me first or so she thought. Chris explained to her that first he had to take some photos for one of my “projects” he told her:
“You know how she is always roping me to do artwork and stuff for her projects- it won’t take long – mum needs some photos of the harbor for the Lorain Bicentennial she is planning next month”
I told Chris that we would meet him and Angela afterwards to celebrate.
Naively I thought to include the Lombardi clan…. my first interaction with these people. I had met them rarely in the past not more than a half dozen time , really never having an in-depth conversation with them. Since we ( “Chris’s family”) had planned to go to the Jacalope – a restaurant that over looks the Marina and the Lighthouse to celebrate after the event for some drinks and food, I thought it might be nice to include the “family of Angela”
I told Chris that we would be at the Jacalope and would watch with the binoculars for the wave of all was well and to have the boat drop them off there afterwards and we would celebrate.
I called the “in laws to be” on the Friday afternoon when it was all the arrangement were set – hoping that weather wouldn’t dampen the day- no it was Sue Lombardi that actually put a damper on the day 
Photo Sue Lombardi .
I must admit to be more than a little taken aback when the “Mother of the Bride to be” stated:
“Oh! we are building a new house and we are scheduled to have the electric done and some painting tomorrow – CAN”T Chris DO THIS ANOTHER TIME!!!”
I thought to myself silly cow- doesn’t she realize this is her daughter’s engagement and getting this arranged has taken days and no little expense” ;
I said
Well surely you could take an hour off- maybe for lunch – we are meeting at the Jacalope to celebrate-
A big sigh from Sue came down the phone :
Oh! this isn’t very convenient…… I will see what we can do
Well said I:
It is up to you but we will be there on the patio…..
and made a note to self – I would not get involved in “the brides mother’s wedding” plans – I could see that we are as different as chalk and cheese . I could tell from that very short conversation things had to be her way and her idea –
Oh Chris! you are in for a time I thought- little did I know it would be me bearing the brunt of the “Control Diva”.
The weather was indeed perfect, arrangements went like clockwork and even the in-laws and some of the family of Angela duly arrived on the patio. The happy couple eventually arrived by boat and Angela was flushed with excitement. One of the aunts expressed a desire to see the ring, and oohs and ahs duly followed however from Sue Lombardi came the concern
“Won’t that get caught up and rip your surgical gloves ( Angela was going to be a doctor)
As the afternoon progressed, I found out that I shouldn’t have relaxed about it being a long engagement they were getting married the next summer in June. Oh dear I thought , must lose weight, how are they going to afford to live Chris hadn’t been offered a position with Wyse advertising , he was still a paid intern but my thoughts soon were sent in another direction.
My daughter, Nikki, who actually had never met Sue Lombardi was cornered in another part of the restaurant by Sue. I should explain Nikki and her husband had just been transferred back to Lorain from Toledo and had just purchased a house. Nikki had taken a break from employment to get things together. Apparently knowing this ( Angela, had lived with my daughter for over a month in Toledo so she could do one of her “rotations”) Sue requested firmly that Nikki would to go with Angela and drive to Philidelphia , stay overnight so Angela could take some medical requirement. It was in a bad part of town apparently and they didn’t want her to go alone.
Nikki was upset, she didn’t want to say no and upset Chris, but neither was she comfortable driving to Philadelphia a distance of 451 miles, ,after talking to her husband , he definitely wasn’t in favor either.
Why doesn’t her mother or father take the day off, they have a large family Why you Nikki? Two women going to a bad part of Philadelphia????
I waited until the Sunday evening to talk to Chris , he didn’t want Angela to driver alone and no-one in her family were prepared to take her, so he had to take two days off of work ( not only unpaid but also he was still on probation at work , so that didn’t bode well) .
( note similar ring in design)
In the meantime on the Monday Nikki called me she was in the middle of tiling a back splash in her new kitchen:
“Angela has called and is angry and upset, apparently one or two of the aunts had gone with Angela to local jewelers to get the engagement ring appraised and the one who did give them an off the cuff appraisal came in at $3,000.00 half of what it was supposed to be worth. They blamed Jim’s friend, Jim and poor Chris had been cheated”
Nikki was beside herself and dropped what she was doing and met Angela at another jewelers but they would not do an appraisal. Chris was furious as Angela had been on the phone crying to him at work.
I, for one, could not believe the crassness of this family and two days later were valuing the ring she had just received. I thought of my own poor little speck of a diamond engagement ring , I didn’t care how much it cost I was so happy.
To solve the situation I asked Chris to bring me the ring . I paid $150.00 dollars for a proper evaluation of the stone and setting . The paperwork came back a week later
Stone..its clarity size etc. was valued at $8,000.00 and the setting designed by Chris in white gold was another $1,800.00 and was deemed to be on the conservative side.
I immediately called Chris , but he still was in a mood , which got darker by the time he came home. He and I had words, the ones you shout. I criticized how this whole situation had come about. He then informed both his sister and I that Nikki had lied, Angela did not call her upset and blaming anyone. This was the first time that Angela tried to come between Chris and his family, in this case Nikki. Nikki said
are you calling me a liar? Why would I lie about something like that….?
Nikki left the house, and she and Chris did not speak for days . Finally, I had enough and another dressing down to my son….. who had by now cooled down- thought about the situation and went to apologize to his sister…
So much for love and happiness.
NOTE: All events and conversations were witnessed and although these events etc are from my perspective and opinions however they are the truth. Loraine Ritchey
Feb 3rd – NO LIMITS- Chapter 1. Chris Ritchey
NOTE: At one point in their relationship Angela told me she had said to Chris, ” Your mother ( Me) will write our love story and you ( Chris) will do the illustrations. Well not exactly the story anyone envisioned.. but the truth!
https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/01/02/jan-3rd-no-limits-the-forward-chris-ritchey/
CHAPTER ONE….
I was married for 8 years before I felt the quickening of a baby beneath my heart, a baby girl whom I cherished and cherish. 3 years and 10 months later a little boy completed our small family. Like countless mothers before me, I would talk to my children as they grew within my body. The day they were born, the moment mother and child were left to one another after all the turmoil of birth, I too, promised them to always love them, protect them and never let anything happen to them. I wish I could put into words the feeling that grabs at your very innards as your child is put into your arms.
Some say that exquisite joy must be compensation for the pain of birth, others will tell you the bond is strengthened by the fact the child’s DNA having passed through the walls of the womb stays with the mother. Therefore, you are always part of your mother’s body. Months of sharing a body, heart and breath of life, there is nothing closer, the sound of a mother’s heartbeat- the lullaby of life. The very life essence that makes each one of individuals shared and a love that knows no limits. All I can tell you is that from that first fluttering of life I was consumed with a love for them that was greater than anything I had previously known.
The bond I shared with my son was different to the one I shared with my daughter. Nikki was so like her father, laid back, non-confrontational and even tempered. Chris, on the other hand, was volatile, passionate, definitely did not suffer fools and loved a good fight. He was more my child. I always knew what would set him off and we had the proverbial test of wills as he was growing up but underneath the clashes of wills he knew I would walk through fire for him and I knew he would do the same for us. The love shared was not on show, it was there and deep rooted.
My little girl and her baby brother soon left childhood days behind, life was normal, school, holidays, hobbies new friends , new loves and yet my daughter Nikki and her brother Chris retained a bond between them that was unbreakable. Nikki was always there for Chris and Chris was always there for Nikki. It wasn’t contrived or for show, they were each other’s sounding board, life line – it was them against the world, if need be.
I would watch them and knew whatever happened to me or their father they would always take care of each other no matter what.
Nikki married, moved out, life went on.
Chris was a student at Cleveland Institute of Art.
Other self by Chris Ritchey
Every weekend he came home and when I say home – he had two, this house where he was born and his sister’s. Nikki’s husband, Jim, became the brother Chris never had.
There was a lot of love and laughter in those years. I knew Nikki would always have Chris in time of need and Nikki would fly to his side no matter what. I relaxed in the notion they would always have each other.
He had been dating a young woman in his last year of High School- Angela Lombardi. She seemed a quiet little thing, I tried to make her welcome when she came for holiday dinners. I always got the feeling we were getting what my mother called the white glove test and that we didn’t measure up to her standards.
photo Angela by Chris Ritchey
Although my son broke up with her for a few weeks in the latter part of 2005 “as she was too clingy and didn’t give him room” they did get back together thanks in part to a conversation I had with him at 4 o’clock in the morning!
He had asked me:
mum what is love ?
We explored, love, the flush of new love and sexual attraction, the role of family and caring. The conversation lasted many hours, a few weeks later Chris renewed the relationship with Angela.
I was happy at the time although the day in June when he came through the door with his sister with “news” – I wasn’t so sure .
I saw the look on Chris and Nikki’s faces that June day- they sat guilty together , after asking their dad to join us in the living room my mind racing, something was up? Finally Nikki said to Chris-
you’d better tell them!
My first thought was Oh God Angela is pregnant- it was that sort of vibe – not such good news coming- I held my breath.
Then Chris said quietly-
Angela wants to get married –
I was stunned, not what I was expecting! Not knowing what to say ‘relief I guess she wasn’t pregnant”
“ Well congratulations, I guess – how about YOU do you want to get married ?
Chris gave a little shrug :
I suppose so –
Worrying to me what he said and didn’t say – this was not the reaction of a young man who was getting engaged.
Chris had just been hired by Wyse Advertising, he had very little money to speak of and was just starting his career.
I said “well you’d better plan on living here to save up for married life.
My thoughts of this is not good timing – my thoughts to the “other mother in the equation” A person I had barely met more that a half a dozen times , and never really had any conversation with her at all. – I asked:
when was the date?
Chris didn’t know and I found myself thinking Sue Lombardi, the mother of Angela, I knew from mutual acquaintances was a controlling individual when it came to Angela – she would surely make it a long engagement .
How many times had Chris ordered flowers on my credit card account to cheer Angela up when the mother, whom they called Mama Sue and Psycho Sue, had upset her for NOT living up to Sue’s standards of achievement? I thought, Sue will not be happy at this and therefore I needn’t worry………..
The engagement – to be continued
Jan 3rd- No Limits- the foreword- Chris Ritchey
I start another decade, recent months have been very hard, some of the situations I have blogged about some may not ever come to light on this blog. I am waiting … I have spent most of December deciding on how to proceed . I am definitely going to “try and finish” the book NO LIMITS as it pertains to my son. Although 10 ish chapters have already been written I have had to decide how to proceed. I have made the decision to not only publish in paperback form eventually but I may start serializing each month on this blog. Here for your edification ( readers who still bear with me ) is the foreword of NO LIMITS!!!!!!
NO LIMITS
By Loraine Ritchey
“Nothing should be hidden or untouchable, if it is your truth and you stand behind it – no one should be able to silence you “
Foreword- NO LIMITS
Brave words from my son, Christopher, on a fall day, his 4th year at Cleveland Institute of Art. I had met him for a meal in Tremont, Ohio. He was so very angry, one of his projects had met with resistance and indeed censorship. His anger and frustration spilled out:
Why were his thoughts not being accepted in a very community that accepts so much more than the general population? Why would he be censored in the very open environment of an art college where nothing it seemed was untouchable?
After all, his fellow students went outside so many politically incorrect boundaries. Had he gone past where even those of his peers were feared to go? Had he come up against the self-imposed limits of a society of his peers?
I never did find out what the project was that caused the censorship and his anger that day. In true Christopher fashion, he changed his project to another, an “Anti-Political Correctness Campaign– complete with displays and posters He used the situation to “speak out” and “show” those who believed themselves to be followers of the out of the box thinking, they were still inside a box, even if the box they had made was larger than most, their walls maybe be transparent yet there were and are walls.
freedom of speech by Chris Ritchey
As I ponder the wisdom of writing the events of life as we know it and death as we believe it to be, I know there will be questions I cannot answer, events I cannot prove.
I am opening myself, my family and my son to a world of naysayers, negativity and ridicule. I will reach the walls with this book. I will push aside and through the walls my peers in this “community” and others have erected for themselves and for me.
Ironically although I have always written the truth whenever I have sat at this keyboard and its predecessors I probably won’t be believed , explanations will abound, logic ( as we perceive things to happen)will come into play .
I have hesitated for months, even years, to tell the story from my self-imposed box. I have written millions of words on my personal blog in the 10 years since my son died. https://www.thatwoman.wordpress.com . I have written his story, I have opened myself and my innermost thoughts and feelings. I have told the tale of cruelty, searing pain and thoughts of suicide. I have exposed myself in ways not many would without fear. So then, why is it I hesitate to share all of our story, a story of continuing love, strength and astonishment?
What could be so dangerous in opening up a world of hurt to my loved ones? Why would a love that continues cause such angst and trepidation in those of my society?
Society? Oh they can’t hurt me, I am beyond their pain, their laughter The sound of laughter to one who rarely laughs is just pleasant echo of what once was. There should be laughter in the world, I do not begrudge laughter or being the source of humor. The disbelief , I don’t care whether they believe or what they believe, so many believe so many different things, worship so many gods, those slings and arrows will not penetrate my being there is an armor in “knowing” The insults and negativity that will come as the story unfolds will bring the comments-
Why not my loved one? Why them? It is the grief, she wants money, she wants her five minutes of fame, and she always was strange. , needs medication, exploiting her son. They are just consumed with grief, hallucinating.
Yes! I can hear those raucous voices, tinged with the cynicism, of organized religion or lack of religious beliefs. So why martyr my family on the pyre of society? Why open this family to those who would wound?
I HAVE to document what happened to this family and my son, for the sake of my daughter, grandsons and future generations. I have to be brave, as my son was brave. I need to tell this story of a mother’s nightmare, of a love that reaches through the barriers of disbelief, of hope. I have the need to document and yet there is a fear my son will once again be negated in death as he was in life by those of “beliefs”.
Every night I see one of my son’s “projects’ from his graphic design course as it hangs framed upon the bedroom wall. It was a small project
Take three words and make the visual connection. Timid- Confidence, Aggressive- coupled with Past, Present and Future to tell a story.
It is the “future” graphic which nags at me, his future was not to be. The cartoon character of a snow boarder explaining his future and the word “aggressive”. I looked at the artwork through tears for weeks as it hung, along with other projects, on the wall. It wasn’t until I looked very carefully one day whilst dusting; I noticed written faintly on the bottom of the snowboard “No limits” and yet I too, have limited the truth by omitting a truth from my writings on my blog..
It is time to tell the story so long in waiting no matter the consequences….
To be continued … Chapter One
Dec 3rd – TIME of our Life- Chris Ritchey
Artwork Chris Ritchey
Every 3rd of the month I write a tribute to you my son , I have written , apart from the other memories of your passing over 120 posts. I write to release the pain that builds, to take the thoughts out of my mind and put them on paper, or in this case on this blog. If I didn’t they would consume me more than they do and I would not get any relief. The tears I shed as I write drop onto the desk and over these many months the varnish has all but gone – a surface worn away by my tears.
https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/category/chris-ritchey/
Other self by Chris Ritchey
How can that be possible? How have 10 years passed? How can that be? You see for most of my nights and days I am back in time , to a time where life and death and selfishness have trapped me, and not only me your father is on this same journey. I dream of you but you always have cancer and I am always searching for a cure or help, then I wake there is a moment of relief that it was just a dream and then I realize I have woken to my nightmare, there was no cure no help… I am in reality……………..
The diagnostic box- self- portrait Chris Ritchey
I am reminded of H.G. Wells and The Time Machine , I feel like the lead character sitting in that machine , only the lever is not controlled by me but by a profound grief, that is stronger than any will of mine. I sit in place in my own device as I watch the world around me go from the future to the present.
photo -self -Chris Ritchey
Every now and then I leave the machine of grief and experience the world of the present, happiness comes , anger comes, passion – very rarely, duty to others is limited and they are the ones I hold most dear. That is why although it is now 10 years this December 3rd. since I last saw your face, kissed your cheek, held your hand and lost ME. No longer Loraine, but a facsimile who left this place when you did . The unbearable is borne tempered by love of your family , sisters, nephews brother in law and father. Deep breaths and the conscious and sub-conscience effort by the brain to hold back the excruciating emotions that wrack the physical body.
Anger at those that through hypocrisy and selfishness ( Tim Sue Lombardi, Angela (Lombardi – Ritchey) and now Murphy – and their family and church ( Father Daniel Divas whose wickedness ( in my opinion) perpetuated and took whatever compassion with them in their act of callousness. not to be forgiven- then or now
https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2009/12/14/something-wicked-our-way-came/
https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2010/12/11/december-11th-the-beginning-of-the-beginning/
but that same anger also has kept me upright.
The 10th anniversary marked by the yearly posts of December 3rd and as the new year dawns once again to finally finish the book- NO LIMITS.
Starting a new chapter both literally and figuratively -not the regurgitating of posts- but of your life and presence in the present………..
The Touch- Chris Ritchey
Your words ring through my mind and indeed is part of the forward in the book
“Nothing should be hidden or untouchable, if it is your truth and you stand behind it – no one should be able to silence you “
freedom of speech by Chris Ritchey
https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2010/12/04/dec-4th-how-cold-is-cold-lombardi/
https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2011/12/03/december-3rd-chris-ritchey-yesterday/
https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2012/12/03/december-3rd-the-trilogy-of-tears-christopher-ritchey/
https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2013/12/03/december-3rd-memorial-chris-ritchey/
https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2014/12/03/december-3rd-there-is-no-peace-chris-ritchey/
https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2015/12/03/december-3rd-end-of-days-chris-ritchey/
https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2016/12/03/dec-3rd-the-loop-chris-ritchey/
https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2017/12/03/dec-3rd-the-waiting-chris-ritchey/
https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2018/12/03/dec-3rd-crumbling-walls-chris-ritchey/
My time here in this world grows shorter as the days continue – I have to finish this book and publish – as “truth is definitely the daughter of time” and time is running out…… I love you and miss you every moment of these days and oh so long nights no matter the year I find myself existing……
How does your garden grow? Part Three
Part One – https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2019/08/18/how-does-your-garden-grow-part-one/
Part Two – https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2019/09/22/how-does-your-garden-grow-part-two/
I haven’t had much time for “writing” ,what little time I have had has been trying to get the ponds and the garden winterized. The large pond that had to be Heron proofed needed to have all the floating vegetation taken out . This meant all those water hyacinths and water lettuce had to be removed. They had protected the fish from the evil eyes of the Heron, denying them breakfast, lunch and dinner.
The pots and shrubs , such as the raspberry bushes that had seeded themselves around the edges had to be taken out before their roots compromised the liner.
They have done their job of denying the Heron a place to land The Yellow Water Iris cut back. This was all done because the frost would blacken and kill the plants in the pond and cause toxicity as they decayed.
The water is crystal clear thanks to three pumps and an aeriator , clear enough to be seen by those high flying angels of death to my fish . I am crossing my fingers they are “fishing elsewhere”.
I was surprised after losing half of my fish to the Heron some must have still managed to procrerate. In the clear water I saw at least 4 tiny black fry and three larger fish that had turned to gold/orange. So life goes on in the pond.
My Mothers Day Ghost Koi present from Chris 10 years ago continues to remain the King of the Pond.
The one thing I was pleased with was the fact that I was able to pick some of the wildflowers ( that are still blooming) this autumn bringing memories of those two little boys sewing the seeds with abandon.
My mother’s balcony, this time last year, got the minimum of clearing away. I threw away most of the smaller pots but never got around to clearing out the dead petunias and pansies.
With all that happened in Jan/Feb/March and April with health issues and hospitals I didn’t do anything on the balcony apart from placing a pot of pansies in remembrance of my mum. I certainly didn’t have the energy to plant up the remaining window boxes and plant stands.
I was amazed when I went to put out the seat cushions the Petunias, yellow Daisy types flowers and Pansies had come back from the previous year.
Well, I was flummoxed , February’s winds and temperatures had seen us losing the ornamental plum and lilac bush that were well established. How could such delicate petunias and annuals have managed to not only survive but to flower beautifully in abundance ? Once again the answer came not from the supernatural but from Monty Don. https://montydon.com/
Apparently my 2nd floor balcony faces south and the house has protected the pots and plants from the winter winds , coupled with the fact the frost stays lower down and the fact I didn’t have the energy to dump out all the pots before the winter as had been done in previous years. I have left the boxes and the grasses that also survived . Weeds they might be but I did notice the birds had a lovely time eating the seeds all winter. In fact I left one window box to the birds
The hedges clipped beautifully by my neighbor has become a sort of Hotel for nesting pairs of Morning Doves, Cardinals, and dozens of sparrows.
On the other side of the garden where the hedge remained unclipped and left to blossom attracted bees both solitary https://www.buzzaboutbees.net/solitary-bees.html and honey. In fact with the birds coming in to drink and bathe in the water fountain that area was very “busy” all spring and summer
All in all with just having the grass cut and the goodness of heart by my neighbor in cutting back the hedge , grandchildren planting wildflowers and sunflowers, the garden ,considering our lack of daily maintenance Mother Nature gave pleasure to not only the birds, bees and wildlife but to me as well. Fragrance of Lavender, Honeysuckle and Roses help to soothe the troubled mind and give some peace and energy during some very rough times this year
To be continued in the Spring! ( I hope)
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