Posts filed under ‘Love’
June 3rd-No Limits-Chris Ritchey-Chapter 17
Forward: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/01/02/jan-3rd-no-limits-the-forward-chris-ritchey/
Chapter One :https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/02/03/feb-3rd-no-limits-chapter-1-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Two:https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/03/03/march-3rd-no-limits-
Chapter Three: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/04/03/april-3rd-no-limits-chapt-3-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Four: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/05/03/no-limits-chapter-4-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Five: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/06/03/june-3rd-no-limits-chapter-5-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Six: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/07/03/july-3rd-no-limits-chapter-6-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Seven: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/08/03/august-3rd-no-limits-chapter7-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Eight: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/09/03/sept-3rd-no-limits-chapter-8-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Nine: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/10/03/oct-3rd-no-limits-chapter-9-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Ten: NO LIMITS- Nov 3rd- Chapter 10- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)
Chapter Eleven: NO LIMITS-Dec. 3rd- Chris Ritchey- Chapter 11 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)
Chapter Twelve: NO LIMITS-Jan 3rd- Chris Ritchey- Chapter 12 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)
Chapter Thirteen : NO LIMITS- FEB 3rd- Chris Ritchey- Chapter 13 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)
Chapter Fourteen: March 3rd, NO LIMITS, Chapter 14- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)
Chapter Fifteen: April 3rd- No Limits- Chapter 15- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)
Chapter Sixteen: May 3rd – No Limits- Chapter 16- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)
Houston Days and Nights- continued
I can’t begin to put into words how stressful it was for both of us , those days and nights. Chris and myself “pretending everything was normal “ skirting around issues we both knew were uppermost on our minds. Wanting to talk but not wanting to say out loud our fears, maybe that way we could hope a little longer.
Not everything was rosy , mother and son facing a terrible unknown locked together in a small apartment. .Chris tired and in pain. I knew it wasn’t me he wanted with him. I found a note that Angela had left behind in a desk drawer, Chris was hurt and disappointed she was leaving Texas and it was me that would be with him.
I knew my presence in Texas only confirmed that he was dying of Cancer, I was a constant reminder that he needed a care giver ( although you felt he could manage on his own to deal with side effects of a trial drug and Cancer) he would’ve preferred that it would have been his wife, not his mother to be with him.
photo Angela by Chris Ritchey
As a wife, I couldn’t have left my husband knowing that he was living under a death sentence and had been since August 29th -but that was Angela’s choice.
I could never understand Angela’s way of thinking, but tried to make allowances , she too was dealing with a terrible situation in her young married life. I couldn’t believe that even during this awful, hopeful , chaotic time she would still try to manipulate a situation and lie as she had done with Nikki and Chris and the engagement ring episode.
Chapter Three :
March 3rd – NO LIMITS- Chapt 2 – Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)
October 8th: One month in and the façade came crashing down, we were due to come back to Cleveland for a few days . I made arrangements to still keep the apartment as they were so difficult to find. To me, it was worth paying for it to be empty rather than going through the hassle of moving and or finding something else.
This one particular day we did have that heart to heart that horrible “truth revealing ” argument that shouldn’t have happened!
In the hours before that argument came to a head Chris and I had gone to get his prescriptions- he was tired and in a lot of pain- I said maybe I could pop into Borders ( which was across the way)
I would like to buy the new Dan Brown novel-
I could see he was impatient to get back so I didn’t push it. His mood was dour and his eyes narrowed and lips ( always a sign of anger) were tight. He had been on his cell phone to his wife, Angela, as we waited for his prescriptions. He drove back to the apartment in utter silence . He immediately went out by the pool in the apartment – I could see him sitting not moving. I decided he needed space -then Nikki called and said that Chris had hung up on her and was very angry.
“but leave him alone mum” he doesn’t want to talk.
I knew my son. I knew whatever it was would fester until he exploded – he was so much like me.
I went to the pool- he said
“I don’t want to talk”
“You don’t have to -you can listen- I need to talk to you”
I was never a crier before Hodgkin’s I was a fighter, a do-er – this blubbering fool that I have become is down to the helplessness and hopelessness that took away happiness. Chris never knew me as a “crier” before his illness – so as the tears fell he sat silently as I told him
Chris, being a mother of a son is so much harder than you can imagine – I have tried so hard to give you and Angela the space you both need in this terrible time. I KNOW Chris, that you are feeling that you have no control over what is happening to your body and your life- I know you need some control , another reason why I have tried so hard to stand aside- you didn’t need me in the mix as well -But I am going to honestly tell you now -if this had been Nikki and not you I would have handled things so much differently – just as Nikki is my child I would not have sat back and taken a back seat to decisions as I have with you and Angela.
You see when a son marries he brings into his life another woman- it is very difficult in the best of circumstances for a mother to sit back and watch decisions being made that in some cases I did not agree with in a normal situation- this terrible situation we find ourselves all thrust into makes it doubly hard. But I have deferred to you both and to her “medical expertise” with this obscenity of Hodgkin’s that has engulfed us. It has been one of the hardest things in the world for me not to interfere or to put in my two cents. There have been times Chris when I have doubted my own abilities and lost confidence in myself – I have gone against my own gut feelings and yet there is a voice that tells me to still be protective of you .
I have tried to give you both your space – to be there when needed and to shut up for your sake when I was totally against some decisions. I have tried for your sake because I love you so much I would do anything and sacrifice anything for your health and happiness.
I don’t know the reason why you are so angry with Nikki and I but you have to know neither of us would intentionally do anything to hurt you . We have tried to put you first in all our thinking – We love you always have and always will. “
With that I left the poolside and went back into the apartment. Chris followed a few minutes later and then it all came out ( as I knew it would) an argument and accusations the finding out of lies that were told
“we had excluded Angela in decision-making as to driving the truck back to Texas.”
He wanted to drive his truck back . I told Angela in an email ( which I have ) that it wasn’t a good idea him driving, he was having difficulty due to the side effects of SGN35 and I thought she should know since obviously you had been in Ohio since Sept 10th and hadn’t see the problems he was having even driving to Target let alone 1,700 miles.
I never received any response from Angela to my emails ( which I still have)
Chris was furious with me and Nikki
“You didn’t include Angela”
Me:
“What are you talking about – I included Angela”
CHRIS No you didn’t !
Me.
Would you like to see the emails?
CHRIS: “
Yes! I would”
Me.
So you are calling me a liar ?
CHRIS:
” Don’t give me that F…. shit if I want to see the email then I must be calling you a liar. There aren’t any emails Angela doesn’t lie!
I then pulled up the emails…. all of them sent to Angela –
ME:
Look at the dates and times Chris … now tell me I’M the one that lied…… she says here she wants to talk to you about it did she?
CHRIS:
Well she has been busy
ME:
she talks to you 4 or 5 times a day she couldn’t mention it but she could let you believe that Nikki and I didn’t include her?
He broke down cried….. my wonderful strong brave son reduced to tears not by cancer that night but by lies and manipulation
She, the loving wife and bride did that to him by trying to lie by omission … not me ….I held him and he said:
“did you ever think that I want to see something of the country if I am going to be dead in two years.”
My heart broke for him – I cried and we held on tight to each other and I said
Chris none of us know when we will die, the way you are driving lately we could end up dead on the way to hospital tomorrow ….
he laughed a little and I said:
Chris, I know the SGN35 is working, the lump on your neck isn’t visible and you haven’t coughed since Sept 21st.
That night he went and checked the lumps on his neck for the first time in weeks. Chris called Nikki back, she and Jim had talked and Jim would take time off work and drive back to Houston with Chris in his truck . He told Nikki he wasn’t really angry with her, just at the hopelessness and helplessness he was feeling. Once again Chris and sister reached out beyond the miles to each other.
After talking to Nikki he said he wanted to take a drive, we still had the hire car. He left- I wasn’t sure where and I was worried- he was in so much pain and on so many pills –
A little while later he came back ….. he walked in patted me on the head as a I sat in the chair and handed me a book as he walked to the bedroom – The Lost Symbol by Dan Brown…………
May 3rd – No Limits- Chapter 16- Chris Ritchey
Forward: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/01/02/jan-3rd-no-limits-the-forward-chris-ritchey/
Chapter One :https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/02/03/feb-3rd-no-limits-chapter-1-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Two:https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/03/03/march-3rd-no-limits-
Chapter Three: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/04/03/april-3rd-no-limits-chapt-3-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Four: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/05/03/no-limits-chapter-4-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Five: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/06/03/june-3rd-no-limits-chapter-5-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Six: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/07/03/july-3rd-no-limits-chapter-6-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Seven: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/08/03/august-3rd-no-limits-chapter7-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Eight: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/09/03/sept-3rd-no-limits-chapter-8-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Nine: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/10/03/oct-3rd-no-limits-chapter-9-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Ten: NO LIMITS- Nov 3rd- Chapter 10- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)
Chapter Eleven: NO LIMITS-Dec. 3rd- Chris Ritchey- Chapter 11 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)
Chapter Twelve: NO LIMITS-Jan 3rd- Chris Ritchey- Chapter 12 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)
Chapter Thirteen : NO LIMITS- FEB 3rd- Chris Ritchey- Chapter 13 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)
Chapter Fourteen: March 3rd, NO LIMITS, Chapter 14- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)
Chapter Fifteen: April 3rd- No Limits- Chapter 15- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)
Houston Days and Nights- continued
I haven’t the words to eloquently or adequately explain the emotions that crash in and out of your being as you watch your child battle to stay alive. This enemy, came to conquer , not with guns , bombs or knives it was insidious in its will to win turning the very body of its victim against itself. Cells that were made large so the pumps of the body (lymph nodes) plug and distort. It circulated through the life giving blood stream through the lungs causing coughing that wracked the very body trying to deal with the attacks. Cancer in all its forms is and obscenity .
I tried so hard to keep cheerful, what 29 year old wants to be with his mother. I know he wanted Angela there knowing the trial was his last hope for a cure or at least remission. I know he wanted to spend what time he had left with her . I know I was the best of a bad deal . I argued with myself, stop watching his every move, deliberately giving him space, taking myself out to the pool side to read, even though I was petrified of the little gecko things running about the pergolas and tables, I didn’t scream when they ran across my foot or thought I was a roadway across a chair.
Chris, would spend time going to the rifle range or to Cabelas. We tried to see some of the area when we could and when he felt up to it. JD and Karen, had been out of town for a bit. Chris, after one of the infusions of SGN 35 could barely speak the the next day but when JD called he put strength into his voice so JD would not realize how poorly he was feeling.
Tears welled up in my eyes and I had to go out into the lawn area and have a silent cry by myself. Only I wasn’t by myself one of the other residents I had noticed sitting by the pool, looking as I must look, was there. She looked up and me as I was not winning the battle of holding in the tears and noticed she too was crying. She reached up to hold my hand and I sat down and there we sat for a long time. Two humans knowing nothing about each other, never speaking sharing the impact of cancer. I learned she too, was caring for her grown daughter as the husband had to stay in Indiana for his job and children. Her daughter was also on a trial at MD Anderson and a last hope.
Hands – Touching- Hands – art work Christopher Ritchey
On the good days we toured Houston. He had wanted to go horse back riding. I hadn’t been on a horse in 20 years ( I was then a lot thinner and in better shape) and Chris hadn’t ridden since he was a little one. I made arrangements for the following day. Of course, that night poured with rain and a warm front came dripping over Houston. I wrote on my blog at the time :
NOOOOOO!!! this isn’t a picture of the horse after I rode it. Whew! 90 degrees yesterday after a rain that could’ve floated a boat. My foray into the wild west “avec” plastic helmet. I realize that horse rentals have to protect their clients but you tend to lose heat through your head … just ask a politician 🙂 and when it is covered with plastic and foam OMG!!!! Anyway 2 hours later after riding through swamp and shrub and bush I now remember why cowboys are bowlegged.
Chris, had become very interested in life in Texas , so different from Lorain , Ohio. One of our days ( again in that heat) was spent at George Ranch Historical Park. It was fascinating seeing the 1830’s cabin and farm the humble beginnings to the 1930’s house “George Cattle Complex” . Of course then there was that oil that helped
“The discovery of oil on the Ranch in the 1920s changed the fortunes of the family and the community forever. The George’s son and only child died while just a toddler and their beloved cousin and presumed heir Mary died tragically when she was a young woman. With no living heirs and a considerable estate, the Georges established The George Foundation to ensure that their wealth would continue to benefit communities across the county into the foreseeable future. This charitable Foundation still exists and gives back today and helps bring you the story of the remarkable family who loved, grieved, rejoiced and lived on this enduring stretch of Texas prairie.”
It was a good day and Chris was enthusiastic. I was once again feeling like I would die from the humidity and heat at any moment but we laughed and enjoyed a day without the mention of Doctors or cancer . I would have put up with heat, humidity and wading across the little river filled with alligators just to see him smile and laugh .
Mothers and Fathers who are losing their child will do the deal with God, the stars , fate whatever they believe, ”
“take me instead let my son/ daughter have life and laughter and old age…………”
To be continued………
April 3rd- No Limits- Chapter 15- Chris Ritchey
Forward: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/01/02/jan-3rd-no-limits-the-forward-chris-ritchey/
Chapter One :https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/02/03/feb-3rd-no-limits-chapter-1-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Two:https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/03/03/march-3rd-no-limits-
Chapter Three: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/04/03/april-3rd-no-limits-chapt-3-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Four: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/05/03/no-limits-chapter-4-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Five: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/06/03/june-3rd-no-limits-chapter-5-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Six: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/07/03/july-3rd-no-limits-chapter-6-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Seven: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/08/03/august-3rd-no-limits-chapter7-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Eight: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/09/03/sept-3rd-no-limits-chapter-8-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Nine: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/10/03/oct-3rd-no-limits-chapter-9-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Ten: NO LIMITS- Nov 3rd- Chapter 10- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)
Chapter Eleven: NO LIMITS-Dec. 3rd- Chris Ritchey- Chapter 11 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)
Chapter Twelve: NO LIMITS-Jan 3rd- Chris Ritchey- Chapter 12 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)
Chapter Thirteen : NO LIMITS- FEB 3rd- Chris Ritchey- Chapter 13 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)
Chapter Fourteen: March 3rd, NO LIMITS, Chapter 14- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)
Houston: Days and Nights continued:
Being able to sleep at night did not last long. Although, I was more relaxed because I could try and take care of Chris, see to his needs, cook for him I spent my days watching every nuance of his being, and nights listening to his cough and worrying.
After the first weekend we settled into a routine of trips to the hospital , taking the infusions and blood test. One of the protocols of the trial of SGN 35 involved writing down and filling in a daily chart as to his physical and mental responses each day, reactions to the medications etc.
Chris, understood, along with tests this questionnaire and his answers would be part of the decision making as to whether he would be able to continue with the drug/infusion SGN 35. And that is a problem, when you are told you last chance for a “cure” ( there is that word used by Dr. Brad Pohlman a couple of weeks prior basically giving Chris the death sentence) you will do anything to stay on the trial. Chris would duly fill out the questionnaire every day and turn it in on his appointment days. The problem is I know his pain level was NOT a three, that he was not having any significant side effects.
After the first week I went to the evaluation with Dr. Younes’ PA, she was extremely nice but was concerned as Chris had lost 4 lbs. since she had seen he and Angela that 1st week. I wanted to tell her that he probably had had nothing to eat but a plate of spaghetti for days but kept my mouth shut. I assured her I would be cooking his meals at least three times a day . When we met with Doctor Younes Chris asked him for a prescription for Oxycodone for pain. I watched the Doctors face
“You shouldn’t be feeling pain on that level, why are you on Oxycodone it isn’t in your notes….”
I immediately realized Chris had committed a grave sin in asking. I knew Angela had a prescription filled for him from the Clinic. I hurriedly stated.
Oh! he was given a few after the lumpectomy when they did the biopsy on his neck a few days ago and he was in a lot of pain after that surgery and that is why as the prescription was only for a few of them.
That seemed to satisfy the doctor. When Angela called that evening I explained what happened and that the Dr. had prescribed Darvon . I mentioned the Doctor was not happy with Chris being on the Oxycodone . She just giggled and said
don’t worry I will get Chris a prescription….. Darvon is nothing more than Tylenol and does nothing” .
Well I wasn’t going to argue after all she was the 3rd year Resident. Apparently by this time Chris had developed a tolerance to pain killers. He told Angela the Darvon wasn’t doing anything and she said just double the dosage, until I come down next week . Keeping my mouth shut was getting more and more difficult.
Hurricane Ike had left its mark on many areas even a year later. We decided to take a drive to Galveston, I had been there with Nikki for dance competitions a few years previously and it was very interesting. Unfortunately, Ike had done a lot of damage and it was depressing . On the way Chris got a phone call from the Cleveland Clinic. The results of the compatibility test for his sister being a donor for the stem cell transplant were in. They asked if Nikki was his twin because the results were extremely good , very high and they usually don’t get those type of results except with identical twins
Breathing a sigh of relief as we now had another option in our arsenal we stopped for lunch. Our view of the sea front was dismal
.
There was one seafood restaurant open and we sat in the balcony over looking what was once the USS Flagship Hotel.
I deserved and needed a drink, something I don’t often do . The pier on which the Hotel was located obviously had been pretty hard hit . The waiter told us a lot of the business along the sea wall had not survived. Chris walked down along the beach and called Angela with the results from the Clinic and I sat on the bench and called Nikki. Once again HOPE!!!!!
To be continued
NO LIMITS- FEB 3rd- Chris Ritchey- Chapter 13
ED NOTE: These next chapters are among the most difficult to write. I have to “emotionally” pace myself so I can get through the memories both mentally and physically. . Those who have lost a son or daughter know that for the rest of your life you are locked into the “time of loss”. The days, week, months and years go by but you are held within the grasp of those last moments and times of your child’s leaving. You see, the part of you that was theirs dies too, you are not the same person you were and you never will be again. Your body adjusts, the brain tells you don’t go there, you learn to dodge the known triggers , the brain tries to protect, to stop the gutting grief from destroying what is left of you . Your mind goes into “protect mode” however, when revisiting those times intentionally in order to tell the story you are a raw and and the wounds open as the days of death once again are relived..
No Limits – The Book
Forward: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/01/02/jan-3rd-no-limits-the-forward-chris-ritchey/
Chapter One :https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/02/03/feb-3rd-no-limits-chapter-1-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Two:https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/03/03/march-3rd-no-limits-
Chapter Three: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/04/03/april-3rd-no-limits-chapt-3-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Four: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/05/03/no-limits-chapter-4-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Five: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/06/03/june-3rd-no-limits-chapter-5-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Six: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/07/03/july-3rd-no-limits-chapter-6-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Seven: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/08/03/august-3rd-no-limits-chapter7-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Eight: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/09/03/sept-3rd-no-limits-chapter-8-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Nine: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/10/03/oct-3rd-no-limits-chapter-9-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Ten: NO LIMITS- Nov 3rd- Chapter 10- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)
Chapter Eleven: NO LIMITS-Dec. 3rd- Chris Ritchey- Chapter 11 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)
Chapter Twelve: NO LIMITS-Jan 3rd- Chris Ritchey- Chapter 12 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)
Houston Days and Nights
I watched as Chris and Angela went through “security” at the Cleveland Airport. I hoped he would be able to get on the plane. H1NI ( swine flu) had reared its head and the airlines were on the lookout for anyone displaying symptoms . Since the Hodgkin’s tumors were making their presence known once more in his body he developed a cough as the lungs tried to expel the foreign body.
“Try not to cough Chris , that would be all we needed to be banned from the flight”
It had been a whirlwind of action since the phone call that morning and now I stood in the lobby of the airport drained, hopeful once again and yet wondering WHY?
Why was life being so cruel?
I had booked Angela and Chris into the Marriot Hotel near MD Anderson Cancer Center for three nights. I wasn’t sure how long the tests and interviews would take . I got a phone call from Chris that night to say they had arrived and were having room service ( was that OK? ) I told him:
I didn’t care they had my credit card information whatever makes life easier for you darling
We aren’t wealthy but I would have sold my soul for him and I would worry about the debts later.
The next day I did not leave the phone, finally Angela rang to say that although MD Anderson had also closed the trials for SGN 35 they were going to make a place for Chris on that trial as he fit the profile and he was going through a barrage of tests.
Cancer Clinical Trials | MD Anderson Cancer Center
Relief flooded back filling the void of fear once again. Then more good news, trials aren’t typically paid for by Health Insurance , again I would have sold my house if need be, but Angela being an employee of the Cleveland Clinic insurance did cover the trial even though Chris was not at their facility because he had been denied a place in the Cleveland Clinic Trial. I truly felt things may be falling our way.
After the tests they concurred Chris was right for the trial. By now we were at the start of the Labor Day weekend . Chris was set for more tests the following week and all being well the first infusion of SGN 35 on September 11th. I had contacted the family services people at MD Anderson to see about long term lodging. The hotel would be far to expensive over $230 per night at that time. I needed to get them somewhere comfortable and close.
The offices emailed me a list of about 50 hotels and apartments all of varying quality and prices. I had no clue about where anything was in relationship to the Cancer Center , nor did I know anything at all about Houston. I gave a short list to Angela to see if she could find out any more information.
Chris called that evening , the tests went well and acquaintances of both the Lombardi’s and actually of mine had interceded by phoning friends with whom they had been college roommates who lived in Houston. JD and Karen , these people were wonderful they took Chris and Angela under their protective wing and invited them to their ranch for the long weekend. I was thrilled , some normalcy for once. Chris was so happy I could have cried.
I found out that MD Anderson was huge bringing in patients from all over the world and the places available for short stay/ long stay accommodation were few and far between. I reserved a couple and asked Angela to check up on them for suitability . I lost two because “they were going to look after the weekend”
I couldn’t seem to make Angela understand this was probably NOT going to be an option. I received a call from the one Houston Apartment Corporate Housing. I had reserved a one bedroom apartment but they had someone else wanting it so I took it sight unseen. It was the Esplanade.
Angela was not very happy I had done that but I said
“you have to have somewhere to stay and Chris needs to be where he can rest. I have taken care of all the finances, all you have to do is bring your cases and get some food shopping “
It had been decided that Angela would stay until the night before his first infusion on the 11th but she would return to Cleveland on the 10th. I didn’t know what to say , I realized Angela would need to come back to sort out work and necessary details but I thought she would take time off to be be with Chris. After all this was a “trial” he was weaker than ever with the cancer coursing through his body, surely she didn’t intend for him to stay there by himself.
Angela said:“He will be fine…. there is a kitchen and he can order in pizza and JD and Karen had lent him a truck……he has to take ownership of his illness”
I was incredulous, like it or not my son was facing death and an unknown treatment. Nikki said upon hearing this :
“mum you have to go and be with Chris, he can’t handle doing this on his own” ” Who will see to it that he eats, that he is OK , you know how hard it was on him with the chemo….call an ambulance….”
I could see Nikki was also so worried so I left for Houston on September 12th, as Chris refused to let me fly on September 11th. I told him I would find my own way from the airport as he needed to rest after the infusion of the day before.
The night before I left Sue Lombardi and Tim arrived at my front door with a suitcase of clothes and essentials that Chris had asked Angela to get to me as he went to Houston with just a small bag .
Chris’s dog, Misty, was a loopy friendly bundle of happy, she loved everyone, we always joked if an intruder came to the house she would lick them to death
So I was shocked when Sue walked into the living room and Misty went mental, growling, teeth barred and barking definitely in a protective mode. Neither my husband or I had ever seen her demonstrate such behavior , she would not stop and it was very embarrassing. Finally realizing this was not stopping, my husband put her outside where she continued to bark as if the devils from hell were threatening us.
Looking back it may be because underneath all the smiles and nicety, nicety syrupy talk Sue was giving off vibes the dog could understand and saw her as a threat . I don’t know but Misty never behaved that way before or since or maybe she knew the true character of the woman who would cause us so much pain
To be continued……
NO LIMITS-Jan 3rd- Chris Ritchey- Chapter 12
ED NOTE: It has been one year since I started this journey of serialization of my book/posts on my son’s, Christopher Ritchey, journey. I had thought, initially, to intersperse the posts as usual with other posts, pertaining to life, Lorain, crime and politics. I have found I just do not have the energy and the apathy is all consuming . I have come to the sad realization what I think and my passions on those subjects just don’t matter and don’t make a bit of difference in the real world. However, my journey with NO LIMITS continues, as hard as these chapters are to write and reliving the journey of hope and no hope there is a light at the end of this journey . I will continue to tell of our journey with transparency and truths.
No Limits – The Book
Forward: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/01/02/jan-3rd-no-limits-the-forward-chris-ritchey/
Chapter One :https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/02/03/feb-3rd-no-limits-chapter-1-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Two:https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/03/03/march-3rd-no-limits-
Chapter Three: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/04/03/april-3rd-no-limits-chapt-3-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Four: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/05/03/no-limits-chapter-4-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Five: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/06/03/june-3rd-no-limits-chapter-5-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Six: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/07/03/july-3rd-no-limits-chapter-6-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Seven: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/08/03/august-3rd-no-limits-chapter7-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Eight: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/09/03/sept-3rd-no-limits-chapter-8-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Nine: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/10/03/oct-3rd-no-limits-chapter-9-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Ten: NO LIMITS- Nov 3rd- Chapter 10- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)
Chapter Eleven: NO LIMITS-Dec. 3rd- Chris Ritchey- Chapter 11 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)
Chapter 12 : The Trial and Tribulations
The days following the biopsy found me sitting by the phone. I knew in my heart of hearts the news was awful but I clung to the hope they could be wrong, it had been known. I knew it was a foolish hope but you grab anything you can to hold onto.
Chris came to stay with Nikki that last weekend in August . He was so pale and quiet. I went over bearing his favourite food . Nikki told me he had been out in the woods for hours on his four wheeler , alone and not wanting to talk to anyone.
We waited, and when he came in I saw my son trying to put on a brave face. We all tried to act normally I sat with him at the kitchen counter , trying to eat . He was , for my sake, trying to force the food down. A friend of my son-in-law, oblivious to the situation, came in talking about the hunting season to come and new equipment he was planning to purchase. It was so normal and so damned surreal. Chris left the kitchen , I knew he was thinking
I probably won’t be here for that season.
I waited, trying to swallow my scream. Nikki came into the kitchen and said ”
Mum, Chris is not good, you had better come upstairs
I followed her up to the guest room, also now known as Chris’ room. He was laying on top of the bed and had broken down, the fear, the hope, the fact he would die crashing down on him and he could no longer put on a brave face that day .
I didn’t know what to say or do . I felt totally helpless. I sat on the bed next to him and Nikki was on the other side and we huddled and cried together. After a while I said , not knowing really what I was saying
“The three of us like this, Chris , is probably Angela’s worst nightmare”
Finally a weak smile and I said to my son , almost believing it myself
Chris , I will move heaven and earth to find another way another treatment, even if it means going to Germany or Europe
( I had heard they were making strides in Germany with Refractory Hodgkin’s)
Chris went back out into the woods riding and I went home to get on the computer and research.
I went home worried beyond reason for my beautiful son. The phone rang it was Angela’s mother Sue Lombardi wanting to know something inconsequential.
I said Sue:
I can’t even think about that know ( I can’t even remember what it was ) I have just left Chris and he is in a terrible state.
WELL! she said NOW YOU KNOW WHAT ANGELA HAS BEEN PUTTING UP WITH .
I couldn’t believe the sanctimonious, cold hearted cow!
PUTTING UP WITH , he is dying and scared and turning to his wife.. don’t talk to me .. putting up with ????
she said :
maybe putting up with wasn’t the right choice of words .
No! it wasn’t I am going now. I have things to of more importance to deal with
Finally Tuesday came when we once again sat in the offices of Dr. Pohlman. Chris sat alone on the side of the room, he had on his aviator glasses and cap was pulled down, as I looked at my son , knowing these glasses were his defense against the emotions he was feeling being shown to us. Nikki and I sat together and Angela drew up a chair on the opposite wall.
No-one said a word, and Dr. Pohlman of the diamond earing , white framed glasses , starched white coat and Italian leather shoes entered the room.
I was never keen on him , his bed side manner was decidedly lacking , but Chris liked him, why? I don’t know . As he sat down he looked at us , looked at the report and said coldly:
“This is bad, very bad. Your immune system, ( looking at Chris who had not moved but sat like stone) does not recognize the cancer. As your body deals with the good cells it is also helping the cancer cells . Another stem cell transplant , this would be a donor transplant in the hopes that their immune system would take over (allogeneic) is a remote possibility , but the insurance probably would not OK it.
Nikki , spoke ” well why can’t we try? “
Pohlman looked as if he had noticed her for the first time,
“and you are his sister? Well we could test you as a donor, are you willing “
“Of course I am willing I will do anything “
Polhman then continued.
Chris your only hope for a “cure” ( and yes he said the word “cure” )is to get on a trial for the drug SGN35 .
I finally found my voice,
how do we do that?
Unfortunately,
he said ( and this was the Tuesday morning after waiting for days for the results of the biopsy)
We.at the Clinic closed down the admittance to the trial of SGN 35 we have here on Friday and there are no more spaces available. I am not sure there are any openings around the country.
I was incredulous , this young man had been treated by them from the very beginning they KNEW the cancer had returned , they knew he would need options , they held out the hope again to only withdraw it coldly and clinically. I was so angry I couldn’t speak. Angela sat there ,
For god’s sake I thought Angela say something, you are a resident going to be a Dr. a member of the Cleveland Clinic yourself say something!!!!!This is your husband fight for him.
Angela said nothing, it was Nikki who spoke :
You are the Cleveland Clinic , the best in the nation, and you are telling me that Chris has been your patient all this time and you come in here offering nothing, just that a trial has closed, why didn’t you reserve him a space. You KNEW what those results were . and all you can say is “this is bad , very bad ” and there is a hope for a cure but not here . Then Where????? Don’t kick him to the curb, he is not a lab rat……
Chris’ face book page
I am not sure Polhman was expecting that , I know Angela looked shocked. Polhman was the big shot specialist, I am sure she wasn’t happy with Nikki questioning him. Polhman turned his hands outward in a gesture of “oh well” said that he would send his assistant to set up a test for Nikki and he would have them see if there were any openings for SGN 35 in other states , but the trials had all closed on the Friday . He had other patients he had to see.
As they all walked out I asked what about Europe, Germany , he looked perplexed. He didn’t know and was that an option. I said:
anything is an option to save my son’s life and walked out.
The rest of the day found Angela looking into options, contacting people she had been in medical school with. Nikki on the computer and I called family in the medical community , who dealt with Cancer research . They put me in touch with Chicago and Columbus trials, talking to Doctors, setting up appointments.
Angela had the best options with MD Anderson Houston Texas . She sent Chris records through to a friend who said they would get them to Dr. Younes who was doing the trial.
Wednesday morning , Nikki and I picked up Chris from his apartment and we went to the Clinic for them to be matched for a allogeneic transplant. This done we went back to his apartment, not really speaking . We stayed for a little while, I was so worried about Chris , he had lost hope. I left Nikki and Chris in the living room and went to busy myself making the bed incase he needed to rest. Nikki came flying into the room. Dr. Younes’ PA from MD Anderson was on the phone and they had an opening for an appointment the next day in Houston.
The next afternoon at two o’clock . OMG!!! the thoughts tumbled and whirled through my mind. Take the appointment , call the airlines, Chris call Angela , where is my credit card , get them on a flight, book a hotel near the hospital , get some money . By eight o’clock they were boarding a flight to Houston….
the roller coaster ride was starting up again
to be continued……..
Oct. 3rd No Limits Chapter 9 – Chris Ritchey
No Limits- The book
Forward: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/01/02/jan-3rd-no-limits-the-forward-chris-ritchey/
Chapter One :https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/02/03/feb-3rd-no-limits-chapter-1-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Two:https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/03/03/march-3rd-no-limits-
Chapter Three: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/04/03/april-3rd-no-limits-chapt-3-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Four: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/05/03/no-limits-chapter-4-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Five: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/06/03/june-3rd-no-limits-chapter-5-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Six: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/07/03/july-3rd-no-limits-chapter-6-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Seven: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/08/03/august-3rd-no-limits-chapter7-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Eight: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/09/03/sept-3rd-no-limits-chapter-8-chris-ritchey/
Double Cell Transplant:
We went to see Dr. Brad Pohlman who had been involved through South Pointe with Chris’ initial treatment.
:Brad Pohlman, MD, is Vice Chair of Operations at Cleveland Clinic Taussig Cancer Institute. Dr. Pohlman is a member of the American Society of Hematology, American Society of Clinical Oncology, and American Society for Blood and Marrow Transplantation.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sngT_dShxsw
So much for the 95% cure rate re Hodgkin’s Lymphoma, Chris was now diagnosed with Refractory Hodgkin’s Lymphoma , the cancer came back very quickly https://www.webmd.com/cancer/lymphoma/qa/what-is-refractory-or-recurrent-hodgkins-lymphoma
The day, Chris and Angela and I went to we went to the Cleveland Clinic and saw the Lymphoma specialist Dr. Brad Pohlman, once again we rode the rails of hope. My son wanted to do whatever it took to
get this “crap” out of me, cut it, burn it, kill it, I want to reach the age of 50″.
I looked at his face as he said those words and my heart ached for him.
It was suggested that Chris undergo a Double Stem Cell transplant , good results had been seen in a study out of California . A tandem (double autologous) transplant is a process in which you have two stem cell transplants with your own cells — done about three to six months apart — to increase chances of success.
Basically this involved removing stem cells from Chris through his blood. The need a certain amount and they did manage to get all they needed in one removal
“https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/stem-cell-transplant/what-happens/
The most common way to harvest stem cells involves temporarily removing blood from the body, separating out the stem cells, and then returning the blood to the body.
To boost the number of stem cells in the blood, medication that stimulates their production will be given for about 4 days beforehand. On the fifth day, a blood test will be carried out to check there are enough circulating stem cells.
If there are enough cells, veins in each arm will be connected by tubes to a cell-separator machine. Blood is removed from one arm and passed through a filter, before being returned to the body through the other arm.
This procedure isn’t painful and is done while you’re awake. It takes around 3 hours and may need to be repeated the next day if not enough cells are removed the first time.”
He then, after harvesting, went through more Chemo therapy and in one year from his first chemo was back in the Cleveland Clinic isolation etc. to be chemically killed . There is no other word for it. We prepared as best we could because of the high risk of infection he was initially behind a glass window. The side effects of the first transplant were given to us :
- Nausea and vomiting
- Diarrhea
- Hair loss
- Mouth sores or ulcers
- Infection
- Bleeding
- Infertility or sterility
- Anemia
- Fatigue
- Cataracts
- Organ complications, such as heart, liver or lung failure
As he went through the first of the stem cell transplants I would go to the hospital every day, he hated the food, refused to eat it. Apparently the smell of the plastic covers covering the food and the steam coming off of them nauseated him. I would cook him lunch and supper, trying to devise a menu which would appeal to the lack of appetite, high calorie content that slipped down easily, dishes he liked from childhood. Then I would take the dishes to him. The nutritionist had to OK what I cooked, but they were more nutritious than what they were trying to give him so I was allowed.
Finally the glass screen came down, he was supposed to be the hospital that first time around for at least 4 weeks. He experienced most of the side effects. I still suffer from that place and that transplant. The nurse warned me they would be putting his own irradiated and treated cells back into his body and the preservative used would smell like creamed corn and it did. The smell permeated the very air for hours. I can no longer smell creamed corn cooking or dished out without being violently ill both in mind and body.
I would arrived at 11:30 am, most of the time he would be in the chair by the time I arrived, hooked up to poisons and fluids. I would get clean sheets from the nurse every day and make up his bed. This was my only way of trying to make him comfortable, with clean sheets and freshly made bed. I would stay whilst he slept, or watched TV. Most of the time I read. I can’t remember one book or title of any book during that time.
I would stay with him in that “cell” because that is what it became for both of us a cancerous prison but with hope the door would be unlocked to a future. I would heat his supper in the hospital’s “family room” microwave – clean up and come home at 7 to get dishes etc. for the next day and start all over again.
My daughter was at the end of her pregnancy, when Chris was admitted for the first stem cell procedure. She wasn’t due until at least two weeks after Chris was due to be released from the first stem cell transplant ( Autologous) , but once again, somehow I KNEW (yet another premonition) , I was going to be torn would between hospitals – I would be travelling between hospitals and the needs of my two children. I was right, Chris was at the end of the first procedure when Nikki went into labor two weeks early .
I had just crawled, exhausted, into bed when my son in law called to say Nikki’s water had broken and to meet them at the hospital as Nikki wanted me with her when she gave birth. Even though Chris had been in one hospital being chemically killed he was on the phone to Nikki the whole time talking her through the pain of birth, making her laugh, easing her mind. They were miles apart and yet Chris was there for her as I knew he would be. Chris talked to her through the hours of labor, making her laugh, getting her through. They were always there for each other
Chris and his sister, Nikki – on the happiest night of her life
Chris said:
hey at least you will get out of there in a couple of days even when I get out I will have to come back….. hang in there … you can do this….
He said to Nikki after he heard it was a baby boy. let me tell Nana and Dad and he did . I didn’t see him for 4 days after the birth as I was with Nikki, but his counts came back quickly , quicker than expected and he was released/
Chris came home on April 3rd and met his nephew for the first time, he was amazed at how tiny Gavin was. Nikki’s house was the first place he came straight from the hospital . Nikki, with Gavin in her arms and Chris and held onto each other that afternoon ….
To be continued
Sept. 3rd – No Limits- Chapter 8- Chris Ritchey
No Limits- The book
Forward: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/01/02/jan-3rd-no-limits-the-forward-chris-ritchey/
Chapter One :https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/02/03/feb-3rd-no-limits-chapter-1-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Two:https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/03/03/march-3rd-no-limits-
Chapter Three: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/04/03/april-3rd-no-limits-chapt-3-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Four: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/05/03/no-limits-chapter-4-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Five: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/06/03/june-3rd-no-limits-chapter-5-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Six: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/07/03/july-3rd-no-limits-chapter-6-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Seven: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/08/03/august-3rd-no-limits-chapter7-chris-ritchey/
After the Wedding- Chapter 8
All during the trip to Europe I was in a state of panic . I tried not to show my fear, after all Nikki was pregnant it was a time of celebration, of being with family and supposedly moving forward with hope and happiness. No matter how I tried I could not quell the terror that would shake me awake at night or in unguarded moments transport me to a dark place.
I wasn’t alone in this thing called premonition, Chris as a little boy had dreams and premonitions too. They faded as he grew or maybe he just didn’t pay attention to them. The day I brought my son home from the hospital, I sat gazing at his little flushed faced and those eyes , new to the wonder of a world experienced for the first time and my mother admiring her new grandson , I heard myself saying as I looked at my miracle and said out-loud as my mum sat with me – he will have a sad life! I don’t know what made me say it, I put it down to post-partum nonsense but I was always, in hindsight, since that utterance tried to make sure Chris’ life would not be sad. I spoiled him and loved him, laughed with him, enabled him and tried everything I could to protect him.
After Chris had completed his radiation treatments and we were finally over our “European Flu” , my husband and I were invited to the newlyweds apartment for dinner. I hadn’t seen Chris in a couple of weeks he had been travelling out of state for Wyse Advertising in his position as an Art Director. He had the Meineke Account and they were shooting a new ad based on Chris’ ideas which would be aired on CNN and on the Meineke Bowl December 27th 2008.
As I walked into their apartment that evening in November 2008 my arms full of wine and flowers , my son was sitting in “his” chair – one he had purchased after the wedding- men always have to have “their chair”. I stopped short as I looked at my son – something was wrong, his eyes, dark circles , pallor I knew it was not good, but he had been through a lot and was back at work; logical reasoning’s flooded into my thought process but I knew all the while knowing this wasn’t good. I smiled and said:
I will just give these things to Angela, talk to your dad, I will be back in a second.
I joined Angela in the small kitchen , I had hoped that my wariness of her , which I had felt from the first day I was introduced to her, would have dissipated now they were married. But no! it hadn’t, there was something that made me uncomfortable around her, something that made me try too hard with her, not be me. I remember thinking:
she is like her mother in so many ways but there has to be something I am not seeing in her that Chris does.
I knew from Chris’s own lips, Sue Lombardi, the mother in law, was an irritant to him and didn’t gladly suffer her. There were times my son used the cancer and fatigue as an excuse NOT to go to the Lombardi gatherings, and yet was well enough to join Jim and others at the Irish pub.
Angela, Chris does not look well to me is he OK…. is this the after effects of the treatment?
Oh No! she said
he caught cold on the trip for Wyse – flying you tend to pick up stuff and his immune system is down because of the chemo and radiation. He is on antibiotics from the Dr. at South Pointe.
I felt somewhat relieved, after all she was now a resident, the hospital staff knew Chris and his situation and so we sat down to dinner. I couldn’t take my eyes off my son, even though I was careful not to let him see I was looking and the quiet fear became a deafening roar.
Thanksgiving 2008 came, Angela was working (supposedly), I am not sure to this day that I believed that .. I felt that she wanted to spend Thanksgiving with her family and Chris with his, so they decided to each go their own way and Chris would go to Lombardi’s for dessert.
Chris sat as his usual place at the dining room table. I realized I hadn’t really seen Angela but a couple of times, and then only briefly, since they had been married. Chris would come to Nikki’s every weekend but never did Angela stay, she was usually with her family.
I had cooked Chris all his favorite dishes that Thanksgiving Day but they largely went untouched. After he left to join Angela at her mother’s, Nikki was worried:
We have to do something, Mum, something is not right with Chris, I don’t care what Angela says he is ill. .
Chris had been scheduled for a PET Scan but he didn’t want Christmas to be a blow out so he scheduled the scan after Christmas. We had a Christmas , Nikki and I treading on eggshells and swallowing our fears like they were broken glass.
Angela stayed at her parents and Chris as usual stayed with Nikki, he had his own room. I went over Christmas morning and Nikki was very worried Chris looked dreadful .
Angela duly arrived that morning in her pajamas and coat , she called up to Chris to
get up and come on she was waiting ,
they, the Lombardi Clan were all going to the cemetery where the little cousin who had been killed by the falling tree branch that September was buried in their pajamas with gifts for the grave , opening Christmas stockings and decorate a tree.
I heard my son say
“No that is sick I am not going to be part of that ,you go but I am NOT!
Angela Ritchey- In red – by Chris Ritchey
Angela’s face darkened , you could tell she was angry and that Chris had disagreed with her in front of me and his Nana . I heard her say as she left the room
” things will be different next year”
I remember my mum looking at me and saying:
you know that girl has a coldness in her I hadn’t realized….
prophetic words indeed.
Dec 27th, Chris was still at Nikki’s where we all tried to help him, Angela pretty much stayed away sulking somewhat after the Christmas morning incident, Chris explained . We duly sat around the flat screen to watch the Meineke Bowl for his ad.
I was sitting on the couch and Chris slowly started to slump over his head on my lap , like he did when he was a little boy and I knew…… time was not going to be kind…..
Chris, had the PET Scan January 3rd went back to Dr. Abraksia , the oncologist, who originally over saw the chemo treatments and eventually the worst fears materialized. Less than 3 months after being pronounced cured of the curable cancer Hodgkin’s Lymphoma morphed into Refractory Hodgkin’s Lymphoma.
Nikki was around 6 months pregnant when Chris called me that January evening with the news the cancer was back. I knew I had to tell Nikki in person – her being pregnant was something unexpected and we were treating her like crystal, as just 4 months before her pregnancy Drs. and specialists told her she would not be able to have children. But I knew she was pregnant before she did , I told Chris , he got angry with me
Mum, stop it you know how much Nikki wants a baby that is wrong of you.
I said ,
well I just know she is....
and when she came over with the scan I said
Oh Nikki I have to tell Chris……
there was such excitement
I knew that Nikki had to be told carefully so got into my car and drove to her home. It was snowing and icy and I nearly took out a mail box . Jim answered the door, one look at me and he knew things were bad- I told Nikki what I knew and she crumpled in two, just sort of folded up.
her baby brother –
she wanted to go to him right away but we convinced her otherwise- tomorrow we said .
Nikki and I went to Best Buy on the way and purchased a small flat screen for Chris’s bedroom- knowing he would be shut in that room whilst new treatments were tried. Chris was waiting for us, I started to unpack the TV whilst Nikki and Chris went to the bedroom- I heard him say-
Nik- I did everything they told me to do, why is it back it is supposed to be curable?
Other self by Chris Ritchey
My heart was in my mouth- I stayed out in the living room giving Nikki and Chris space” to be”. It was always the two of them against the world.
And so another medical chapter in the journey of the obscenity of Cancer began. I will write of that journey of stem cell transplants, trials the hope and the horror , the circus that is cancer . However, this book is not about the journey of medical treatment but that of life and connection.
The Touch- Chris Ritchey
August 3rd- No Limits- Chapter7- Chris Ritchey
No Limits- The book
Forward: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/01/02/jan-3rd-no-limits-the-forward-chris-ritchey/
Chapter One :https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/02/03/feb-3rd-no-limits-chapter-1-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Two:https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/03/03/march-3rd-no-limits-
Chapter Three: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/04/03/april-3rd-no-limits-chapt-3-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Four: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/05/03/no-limits-chapter-4-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Five: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/06/03/june-3rd-no-limits-chapter-5-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Six: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/07/03/july-3rd-no-limits-chapter-6-chris-ritchey/
After the Wedding:
I got through the wedding with a pretense of happiness, and the chemo and radiation treatments continued. We actually didn’t see Angela for weeks , she and Chris would come back to Lorain from Cleveland on weekends, Angela would stay with her parents but Chris would spend the weekend at his sisters, where I would see him. It was a bit strange but since I got to see him I wasn’t bothered.
Before Chris’s diagnosis his father and I, my mum and Nikki booked a trip to Europe. Mainly to attend a family event in September and for Nikki and her dad to go to Scotland and Germany, a cruise up the Rhine. It was supposed to be celebration of retirement and a break for us.
Unfortunately , it turned out to be the trip from hell. Apart from the fact none of us , after Chris diagnosis wanted to go and surprise, surprise Nikki found out she was 8 weeks pregnant, Nana was going to be a great grandmother at least this news was wonderful!
We still dithered about going but Chris insisted he was on his last treatment and only had some radiation to get through and we should go an enjoy. Enjoy was not the word we would ever use with that trip.
There were some good times whilst in England and Chris was only a phone call away from his worrying family . We checked on him daily, he probably got fed up but was patient with us.
It was when we left England the trouble started, we were the last train out of the Euro Tunnel to France when the tunnel caught fire caught fire. We weren’t aware of that until we reached Strasbourg and our hotel. We had only planned to stay in Strasbourg the one night Sept 11th . We had called home to tell them we would be out of phone contact for a week on the boat up the Rhine, only to be greeted with the news that the rail crossing and tunnel would be closed due to the fire and no-one was sure when it would open.
The boat on the Rhine was not good, Nikki was feeling queasy , no one spoke English and my French was poor , although I managed, we still couldn’t get any news and I hated every minute. Even the weather matched my mood
After 4 days I could stand it no longer and we left the boat early and travelled back to Strasbourg to the little hotel by the cathedral. Nikki put in a call to England whilst her dad and I went to look for food. Upon our return to the room we were greeted with the news Angela’s young cousin had been riding his bike home when a storm hit and he was killed by a falling tree limb.
Nikki was sitting cross legged on the bed the open Pizza box in front of her and no -one ate. The time difference meant we had to wait to try and get hold of Chris and Angela, and we had no idea what to do or say.
There is nothing worse than being away from your loved ones when something like this happens, you feel totally inadequate and helpless. The next morning , although I am not a Catholic, I walked across the square to Strasbourg Cathedral to light a candle of remembrance for this child who was of that faith.
My mind was not on the beautiful windows, architecture, statues and carvings
I watched the tourists as they quietly took in all the beauty that surrounded them, the sound of the Cathedral’s bells reverberating through the stillness.
My heart heavy, I leaned against a pillar whilst my husband took photos and noticed the stone pillar was scarred and what looked ( to me) like bullet holes, it hadn’t been fixed. Had there been a battle of some sort that had scarred the stone? Then I noticed
Life has a way of making you realize what is truly important “life itself”, I lit a candle for a little boy lost in Lorain, another for those brave men, boys really, whose mothers also wept whose young lives were lost all the time wondering what the future would bring , would prayers be answered…. and fighting down the tears I hoped I would not have to shed for my own son.
I knew Angela and her aunts were religious and fervent Catholics, but not sharing those same beliefs I wasn’t sure what we could do to ease or give comfort. Nikki and I purchased two rosaries from the Cathedral and had them blessed by the priest, one for Angela and one for her aunt whose sorrow I know was crippling.
Nikki flew back earlier and my husband and I stayed, he came down with some sort of horrible flu and by the time we traveled back 10 days later , we all had it, my mum, me and him. Mum ended up in hospital and I was out for the count for 11 days. It meant that I didn’t get to see Chris, none of us did because we daren’t with his compromised immune system . I didn’t get to see him until a month later. He had changed in the months I hadn’t seen him, his blonde hair had come back in dark, he had a goatee sort of beard that was tinged with red, he looked older in fact his nose had changed , I am not sure if the Chemo did something to the cartilage but his nose was thinner, a bit more beaky . I stared at him quietly seeing the changes in the lines of his face , his eyes , his smile was still the same though. Chris didn’t often smile but when he did he could light up a room and when I saw that smile as we walked into Nikki’s great room he lit up my heart once more and I remembered the years of smiles and love he had given to us always…….
To be Continued >>>
July 3rd- NO LIMITS- Chapter 6 – Chris Ritchey
No Limits- The book
Forward: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/01/02/jan-3rd-no-limits-the-forward-chris-ritchey/
Chapter One :https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/02/03/feb-3rd-no-limits-chapter-1-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Two:https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/03/03/march-3rd-no-limits-
Chapter Three: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/04/03/april-3rd-no-limits-chapt-3-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Four: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/05/03/no-limits-chapter-4-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Five: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/06/03/june-3rd-no-limits-chapter-5-chris-ritchey/
If the night before at the Rehearsal Dinner was hot , the day of the wedding dawned humid and hotter. I don’t handle heat and no sleep at the best of times, and this definitely wasn’t a good time. For the sake of my children and family I tried so hard to act cheerful and excited, all the while with this great lump of concrete in my gut and a dread of things to come. I can only liken this feeling to having the overwhelming feeling /intuition by getting on to a plane and knowing it will crash. I knew the prognosis for Chris form of cancer Hodgkin’s Lymphoma was excellent, 95 percent cure rate, ” if you had to have cancer this is the one you would want” a few rounds of chemo and a couple of treatments of radiation and you will be fine.
BUT then why did everything in my mind scream at me there is a world of hurt coming our way ……?
artwork Chris Ritchey
THE WEDDING
I knew that Chris would be putting on a brave face, he had a round of chemo on the Thursday and it usually caught up with him by the Saturday, and here he was having to go through a horrendously busy morning, afternoon and evening. I knew he would not let on how he was dealing and feeling with all the poisons coursing through his body. He was so particular when it came to Nikki’s wedding in regard to his tuxedo, having to make a special trip to the tailor to have it adjusted the day before. Nana and Chris at Nikki’s Wedding
Chris had lost weight with the cancer and chemo and his tux was too big, but he didn’t seem to care, not at all like Chris, but then he had more on his plate to worry about.
The wedding at St. Mary’s Catholic Church officiated by Father Daniel Divis , Chris had refused the usual Catholic protocol to get married in the church , and he was allowed to do so probably due to the cancer diagnosis and the Father Divis “relationship” he had with the Lombardis.
I sat in that church , not being very enamored with organized religion as a bit of a hypocrite, but it was Chris and Angela’s day , it was her faith and she was very in touch with her faith. My husband and mother and I sat there “together but alone” .
The ceremony over , and I couldn’t hear a word, but then Angela always made me feel like I was deaf, so soft spoken was she. I had spent the morning putting together a small cooler bag for Chris and the wedding party ( mainly for Chris) to take in the limo. It had cold water , some snacks he could eat after chemo , and some cool cloths as his body temps rose after chemo set in.
Wedding over I came home showered and cried until it was time to put on the “face” again for the reception. No matter how I tried I just could not get out of this terrible feeling like some darkness was going to envelop me.
Oh ! this happy day could only get worse heat wise when the air-conditioning at the Holiday Inn failed. However, as bad as that was as I went to the gifts table to put our check in for the Bride and Groom , not a “wishing well” or a cute little decorated box but a “casket ” with flowers on the top courtesy of Sue Lombardi ‘WHAT WAS THE WOMAN THINKING – WAS THIS APPROPRIATE” Was I being overly sensitive? although the comments from my friends they too were shocked and my mother was furious.
” I knew as soon as I saw that coffin on the table it would hurt you Loraine”
The wedding although apparently enjoyed by others left me flat especially when Father Divis reacted to the best man’s speech, I wrote about it afterward , (at the time I did not mention his name BUT of course now in that blog post he is mentioned )as I was shocked , although this man of God would shock me later after the death of my son to my core !
“This was brought home over the weekend ( and I can take a joke better that a lot of people) . A speech that bordered on not only the insulting ( for me )cultural racism by a priest (Daniel O. Divis – Office of the Secretariat)who insulted every English person and non catholic at a function. He spoke of Ulster and Northern Ireland in a way that for those of us who lived through the bombings and were directly effected by the IRA and the terrorism THEY inflicted upon a population both Irish and English , that was financed primarily from this side of the Atlantic was akin to making jokes about 911. Would you tolerate jokes about 911?
So what makes it OK for a pseudo “Irish” priest of Lorain to make the jokes and insult a group of people because they are “English”? A fellow diner said it is just ignorance of the situation– I beg to differ any Catholic Priest who claims Irish lineage KNEW exactly what he was saying, which to me makes it all the more disgraceful – am I wrong??????
You tell me when is it ok for terrorism to be lauded and applauded and when is it abhorred – is it OK to make derogatory remarks as long as it is based on culture and then only one certain segment of the population’s culture – Is it Ok to do this based on culture and not colour???
Although I did have a “word” with the man- I am sure it fell on deaf ears…… So when is it OK – tell me???? because I find this grey area very confusing ?
https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2008/06/08/when-is-it-ok/
AND THIS SPEECH WAS AT A “wedding”
We got through the wedding and reception,. The Mother/ Son dance was one of the toughest things I knew I had very little control left and as we danced ( and I told Chris ( who was always my confidant) I may need Nikki and his dad to help me through. He understood , he knew me so well and we were always upfront with one another. So when I was becoming “emotionally incontinent” halfway through the dance he signaled to Nikki and his dad to join us on the floor as a group. ( that did not go down too well with the Lombardi clan) .
My husband , mother and I left at a reasonable time just after the first guests were leaving. I told Chris Nana was tired but he knew and he by this time was physically showing the effects of a very long day and the poisonous chemo. I wanted to gather my child up and make him well , but all this was now out of my hands , he was a married man now!
The next day was “come over ( to the Lombardis) and look at the presents” day , we had company so I stayed with them . The next thing I remember was Chris coming round the corner with the casket under his arm with his Best Man. I said
what are you doing here?
He said:
Sue Lombardi and her mother were anxious to open up the “box” to see how much money they received
and he said
No! he and Angela would do that later .. I don’t want them knowing our business and who gave what so I have brought it here to stop their prying . . Turns out there was no check from the Lombardis in that casket,
Angela said : ” they paid for the wedding”
HA! thanks to their “bar arrangements” we paid more to the Holiday Inn for the drinks etc. than they paid for the wedding, and I know that how ? The wedding planner lady was so frustrated with them and their way of ordering her about she told me and actually gave me a discount on the total bar bill.
And so the next weeks came and went all too quickly.
To be continued …..
June 3rd- No Limits- Chapter 5- Chris Ritchey
No Limits- The book
Forward: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/01/02/jan-3rd-no-limits-the-forward-chris-ritchey/
Chapter One :https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/02/03/feb-3rd-no-limits-chapter-1-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Two:https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/03/03/march-3rd-no-limits-
Chapter Three: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/04/03/april-3rd-no-limits-chapt-3-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Four: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/05/03/no-limits-chapter-4-chris-ritchey/
The wedding plans went on. I excused myself from most of them by feigning migraines leaving my mother, daughter and husband to do the duty.
I was stretched thin on patience and discretion and retreat was for the me the better part of valor. I know my limits and I knew I could not deal with the Lombardi women ( at least not quietly).
The kick off came re the bridesmaid dresses , the drama- because my daughter ( who was, in my opinion, added to the group because of Chris’ insistence) DARED to have her dress altered to better fit. The phone call from the irate Sue Lombardi after they saw Nikki’s dress hanging at the seamstress ( without their permission) . I was curious as to WHY they apparently were at that same seamstress with their garments was never explained.
It was then after the ensuing chastising phone call from Sue, Chris who was irate, as he listened, as I dealt with his future mother in law , not angry with me but with Angela and Sue and the upset such a pettiness caused – I decided to politely back away from all things concerning the wedding, apart from paying. Truth be known they really didn’t want my input and obviously Chris was becoming caught in the middle of the women of his life at the same time as dealing with cancer.
We managed to get through the wedding shower all smiles and faking for the guests.
There was no way I could go to the “hen night”, aptly named in my opinion, so the dreaded migraine reappeared although I know I didn’t fool Chris , but he understood, he understood me better than anyone.That duty was left to Nikki and my mother .
My mother , bless her, got a bit inebriated ( thanks to Nikki) and since they were not made the most welcome by the “clan”, barely speaking to them I am told. My mother joined people at another table , after a few of the beverages my daughter ordered for her became the hit of the night with the other tables.
A dear friend, Mark, was eating at the same venue , he took some photos called me and said
” Your mum is such a character, she is entertaining the whole restaurant by grabbing a blow up man from another hen night group and dancing around the place, cheered on by the onlookers.
Not bad for a 90 year old woman.
Chris, who turned up with his friends to drive people home, laughed and said
Mum , Nana is just wonderful
I don’t think she went down too well with the Lombardi’s though.
a smile from Sue would have cracked her face in two
said Chris.
The Friday, of the rehearsal dinner on the 6th dawned so very hot and airless, totally out of keeping for early June. The wedding date was based on Angela wanting 06.07.08 numerical sequence. The dinner was planned at a facility overlooking Lake Erie in Lakeview Park. I had booked the place before it was even finished being built.
There was (of course) issues as to my choice of menu, I had decided on heavy, hot and cold hors d’oeuvres. I worked with a local caterer, who actually had been a family friend, well respected for his establishment and catering abilities. He told me that when the Lombardi women came to his establishment to check out its viability for the reception, they left him feeling insulted by their attitude . He was quite annoyed, and went above and beyond in all I asked from him.
The menu included mini Beef Wellingtons, meatballs, pasta, mini quiches, a carvery ( turkey, beef and ham) for sandwiches, salads of all kinds, crab claws and shrimp in ice, underneath an ice vase sculpture topped with flowers. Beer and wine ( no hard liquor allowed at that time) . cakes , cookies and deserts, strawberries and fresh fruit. The table fared groaned with food. However, when Angela was shown the menu, prior to the dinner ( as a courtesy I might add) , she went into the den with Chris and sent him out and he said to me….
Angela feels this needs to be adjusted , people will be coming in from out of town ( the event was set of 50) they will be hungry and she doesn’t think hors d’oeuvres will be appropriate , she suggests chicken , red skin potatoes , green beans and cheese and macaroni.
I said:
NO! Chris – this is my contribution to your wedding . I have put a great deal of thought, along with Nikki, and Nana on this from entertainment , decor and giving you something from me!
I realized Angela had not been at any of my “party planning” previously but I looked at Chris and said
when have I ever not had enough food at anything I have planned?
I called my caterer and told him what had been said and I asked him to add something along the line of chicken wings and a macaroni dish. He sighed and said “Typical”
The morning of the rehersal dinner I drove to Lakeview Park to check on final arrangement the food, tables , decorations etc. I looked out as I got into my car over to the lighthouse where Chris and Angela had become engaged.
Lorain Lighthouse – Lorain 365 ( L. Miller)
Nikki and I had helped Chris plan that July day of engagement, 11 months prior, the “asking Angela to marry me “place”. Christopher saying:
“You helped Jim to make Nikki’s engagement special you have to help me make this special too mum!
And Nikki and I did help- organizing champagne, roses, a table holding silver goblets and a boat trip to the Lorain Lighthouse on a beautiful day. Anticipating celebration Nikki and I, dad and others sat on the patio of the Jacalope restaurant looking out at the lighthouse happy for the young couple on this very special day.
So why, as I sat in the car looking out at the same scene- the same lighthouse shimmering in the heat of the day the afternoon before the wedding, albeit from a different perspective – why did, I feel such panic and the “knowing” this wedding should not take place?
I looked out on a shining blue lake, sunshine kissing the waves and argued with myself:
“What the hell is wrong with you, why aren’t you happy you should be happy –
Yes, Chris has been diagnosed with Hodgkin’s but the prognosis is good, why aren’t you wanting to celebrate?
Angela has stood by him through this diagnosis, she has helped him – she has stuck by him- this has to be such a difficult time for her – (I admired her and was grateful to her for that)
He is getting married, starting a life so what is it with you? Why are you sitting here at Lakeview looking out at the lighthouse and feeling such a dreadful feeling?
I went home in a mood so dark, I couldn’t shake the feeling this wedding should not take place. My husband called my daughter I was in such a foul temper!
“you had better come talk to your mother she is having a melt down”
It was as if every fiber of my being was pulling at me NO! this wedding must not happen it will bring pain and sorrow to those I love. What was making me think this way? I have always trusted my “gut feelings” and this time I couldn’t and wouldn’t.
My daughter duly arrived and told me off in such a fashion as to make my own guilt and selfishness of feeling take place of the dreadful fear or premonition I was experiencing – Nikki did not hold back in her telling me like it was:
This is Chris’ wedding- the happiest day of his life- You have to stop this you have to think of Chris, he will be fine he will come out the other side of this, you can’t let him see you like this.
Of course , I thought she is right, once again I was being selfish, Chris has to come first and so you have to suck it up.
The rehearsal dinner for which I was responsible was lovely and everything went well I thought. I put on a brave face and tried to be a good hostess , but that feeling of dread did not leave – it was there with every smile every word uttered.
Chapter 6 the Wedding…….
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