Posts tagged ‘Angela ritchey DO’

June 3rd – Coma – Chris Ritchey

Think I Am – Chris Ritchey

I used to love June -NOW another month that causes anguish to the soul- although life is bursting , skies blue, roses red I can’t abide the ‘happiness’- the June Brides make me cringe. I remember, the day you married and by doing so brought with it the eventual pain that was “gifted” to your family by those “people”

Lombardi (Vyka etc. )and Company

The “wedding anniversary” is also the day this year when the “Clinic” will “dispose of what was left of your life essence.
https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2017/04/03/april-3rd-sample-of-life-chris-ritchey/

And here it was -the Clinic apparently had not “disposed of ” (their term) the sample upon your death as contracted . Now, I have to make the decision to call them re maintaining the samples – should I do nothing they will commence the disposal on what would ironically be your wedding anniversary !!!!

I have looked at the letter from those “other “doctors” telling me to make a legal decision otherwise they will dispose of….

I could not bring myself to ring them, or contact them – like an indecisive coward – I couldn’t bring anymore “finality ” into my being, I couldn’t make the decision, I couldn’t revisit the finality. I am not strong enough to face the reality of that. I know that by doing nothing the procedure of disposal will take place on what would have been your “wedding anniversary”. I wish I could dispose of those memories as easily but they come into being every June and with them the disgust I feel for the hypocrites of their religion. I am sickened by the controllers and “do overs”.

I wish things could have been different, that it was me that went on your last journey – not you. The memories of those last days and hours constantly being pushed away from conscious thought so I can “maintain some sort of balance”

Chris’ face book icon


Again the wondering and worrying of what was happening to you as you lay in that damned clinic like a lab rat on show. Could you hear as I sang to you, talked to you – tubes running everywhere. I asked for the Drs. to stop talking over you like a piece of meat that was cut off from “life”. I knew, as watched the stats, saw the rise in heart beats when they did that or when Sue Lombardi entered the room. (one of the reasons the head nurse expelled her as her presence aggravated you). Wanting “the invited others” by the Lombardis and co to leave the room as they did their collective death watch. I was frightened that if I did cause an issue it might effect or upset you and you unable to respond. Did you hear conversations? Did you know?

It was after you died and I was contacted by a young woman from the east coast in another June , she too was dying, going through the journey of hope with Hodgkin’s Lymphoma recurring , the trials, the chemo, the numerous hospital stays the days of dying.


Hi Lorraine, This is XXXXXXXX. I hope you still use this email. I found it in a post from Sept. Your blog is fantastic. Thank you so much for writing. It’s great to get a sense of the parents perspective. It’s a vision my parents like to keep from me. Take care.

We talked, via email, of how I felt and your dad as she was trying to help her parents and what they were feeling as they were being “brave”

She asked me if there was anything she could do to help me understand what you went through . I told her about your dad and how when he was intubated, after open heart surgery, in a induced coma and flooded with drugs as to how , although we could not see any movement , no squeezing of hands- he KNEW everything that we were saying and how awful it was to be trapped in his own mind.

http://www.jems.com/articles/print/volume-33/issue-1/patient-care/intubation-101-what-do-what-ca.html
In her case she too, numerous times had been intubated, drugged, paralized and comatose although she had managed to go through that so many times. Her Hodgkin’s came back 14 times before she eventually passed, she was still hopeful at the very end.
What she told me that email that June did help me some.


“your thoughts rush.. come in fragments .. you hear voices… see colors… , the movement is jarring yet you know you are not moving … you are between…. floating and yet tied… you struggle at times to surface as if drowning…

Assignment – Chris Ritchey-CIA


When you are brought back from the “sleep” you can’t really remember if you are waking from a bad dream , if the voices you heard are real and then you forget and move on to the next days. The doctors said I was dreaming that I couldn’t hear but I did tell one about his problem he was telling Nurse ( name given) , he was annoyed because someone had taken his parking place and he “was going to find out who”. He was very surprised.

She told me , for her, although what was happening was frightening she knew she was surrounded by her husband, mother , father and sister and they were keeping her safe. and that you drift in and out not knowing really what was or is real. ” it is all real your reality – to live with”

I have clung to her words , as a mother, hoping against hope that as you lay there those last days, never to come off that tube, you didn’t know the circus your dying was turning into – hoping that you thought you were dreaming and would awaken to sunlight not hearing the “dying words” – and you knew we loved you and still do

artwork Chris Ritchey

June 3, 2017 at 1:03 pm Leave a comment

July 3rd – the cooler bag – Chris Ritchey

chrisart collage

Another day , week, month, year- I have learned the navigation of the path of pain- I know now most of the emotional laybys , the pitfalls that can swallow you whole . I have become aware of them as I travel this way of grief. Oh! sometimes, even knowing they are there does not save me from tripping and trembling as I go forward in this life.

Nana, she of the wonderful pastries and food of love, had made a sausage pie for friends who were visiting. We had to take the pie and accoutrements to Catawba last week. The pie needed to be kept cool on the journey but a big cooler wouldn’t do. Nana, who has pretty much taken over the kitchen since she moved here, knows where everything is and pulled out a plastic cooler bag. My heart ended up in my throat once again , I must have turned white, because Nana said

” are you alright what is wrong ?”

cooler bagres

That silly, cheap, plastic cooler bag, I had forgotten its very existence. I never knew where it came from originally. We weren’t into Nascar – but there it was . They say your life flashes before your eyes when you drown- all I can say is your life flashes before my eyes every time I am confronted with an unexpected object , sight, sound that was you.

chrissoccer7
As I looked at that bag, Nana washing it out readying it for her pie, I remembered the orange slices and water it had kept cool for all those soccer games. I remembered grabbing it out of the cupboard on the morning you got married. I hated that day, my beautiful son dealing with chemo and the diagnosis of Hodgkin’s but still filled with false hope.

It was a record-breaking heat that June day, and I knew the ” family of the bride” would insist on the plethora of pictures being taken, driving here and there in the limo- I was so worried about how you would be able to handle the whole thing feeling ill as you were. – The Lombardi , Vyka clan were all about those pictures- still are. lombardivyka clan

I grabbed the bag threw in some of you favourite sandwiches and water , and orange slices. I knew you were feeling ill because the Chemo had been on the Thursday and its poison was killing ( supposedly) the cancer cells and your good cells- it knew no difference. I put the bag in the limo.

You hugged me at the reception and whispered in my ear –

I gave the bag to Nikki , she has it, thanks mum – couldn’t do justice to the sandwiches but the orange slices and water went down well thanks for thinking of it.

When the cancer came back and you couldn’t eat and the next round of “treatment” was prescribed I would come to sit with you in your apartment so Angela -your “bride” -could continue working- ( although I later found out that was not always the case as to her whereabouts). It didn’t matter to me then or now where she was – I know the truth of her and it is dark!
baby

I just wanted to take care of my son, to try to keep the promises I made to you when you were born-

” I won’t let anything happen to you- I will protect you”

That cooler bag went with me every day for weeks whilst you were having your double stem cell transplant . You couldn’t bear the smell of the hospital food- the smell of the plastic covers keeping the food hot disgusted you. I would take a meal up in the cooler bag, your lunch and dinner, every single day to be heated in the hospital “family room” microwave. The orange whip, Nana would make you , so cooling ( full of calories) would slide down and not burn your mouth that was blistered by the chemo.

The last time I used that cooler bag- a phone call from Angela as I was shopping at KMart

” Chris said you were coming to spend the night should I get something for supper – she had to work that night”

– I was bewildered, as I was actually in Kmart getting new bed linens, as I believed you to be coming home for the weekend- after that disastrous and stupid idea of Angela’s stating you could drive back from Houston .
https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2010/04/20/i-didnt-know-my-son-chris-ritchey/

I was puzzled- she hadn’t said anything about working- You never mentioned to me in your morning phone call about needing me to come- just that you wanted to come home for the weekend . Oh! later I found out she was not scheduled to work that night- she requested to work at 4 in the afternoon WHY? . – Hindsight is 20/20

I packed the cooler with your favourite dinner and we ate together one last time in your home. You went into the clinic again the next morning – dying- never to come home.

Angela , Sue and Tim Lombardi

Angela , Sue and Tim Lombardi


I forgot about the cooler bag, left on the kitchen counter in that apartment of deceit as I followed the ambulance to the Cleveland Clinic ER.

I never thought of it again until we received 4 months after your death ( via the funeral home) the box of
“throw- aways”… because that was what they were- from the Lombardi Clan and Angela( now Angela Murphy DO http://my.clevelandclinic.org/staff_directory/staff_display?doctorid=16147 ) along with her disgraceful, lacking in any sort of compassionate thought, letters- to your family who were raw with grief. nanachris
In the bottom of the box was the cooler bag -not good enough to keep obviously or to give to their charities . I couldn’t throw it away, it had been such a part of those months – so I stuffed it in a little used kitchen cupboard until ….. Nana’s sausage pie………….. and once more your last part of life flashed through my mind, the anguish, loss of hope, cruelty, the anger that has kept me upright and your last words .

I love you Chris- I will not forget you……..

July 3, 2015 at 11:55 am Leave a comment

Thanksgiving USA- celebrations – one breath at a time – Chris Ritchey

Yes! there is a turkey in the oven this morning – Queen Anne potatoes and roasted veggies getting prepared to take the journey to Nikki’s. There will be smiles and little boys getting into mischief helping
Family will gather and some of us will push away the memories of the last Thanksgiving Day when we “were a family complete” in order to make happy memories for children and realtives.

The tears will be held in check as best as able with a helping hand from those loved beyond all tears- they are my life support . I know I am not alone on this day , there are other mothers and fathers , sisters and brothers who are being brave this day and remembering and missing silently with controlled breathing –
chrisbrowns

Thanksgiving Day I sat all alone in a waiting room, hustled out of the ICU room as my son, with tears slowly filling his eyes dropping silently on his cheek, was being prepared for the vent as he had started choking on the sip of water I had given him.

I heard the last words he ever spoke that Thanksgiving Day. I waited in the ICU waiting room as Code Blue was called , the technicians coming out high fiving as they had completed the procedure in record time – celebrating their own kind of “touchdown”. Did they not realize they broke my heart…. and then a young doctor coming out to me asking if I wanted Clergy as my son was dying. That was our last Thanksgiving Chris. There was no one there in that waiting room- I was alone, totally in another world , reality crashing forth into my brain my heart not accepting….,
my mind whirling with wanting to stop time , to find a way to wake from an nightmare.

The Cretans of Control ( Lombardi and co)
https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2011/11/23/thanksgiving-2011-a-time-not-to-remember-chris-ritchey/
showing up later with their nut rolls and recipe swap – I couldn’t grasp what was happening , who were these people invading my terror with their leftovers? –

The missing is monumental…. it is taking all I have to keep breathing.

So I am thankful this year for my own special life support, Nikki, Jim, my husband, Nana my wonderful friends, cousins and especially those two little boys Gavin and Braedyn, who make me smile when I struggle to breathe .

IMG_0022

November 27, 2014 at 4:46 pm 1 comment

October 3rd- family fingerprints- Chris Ritchey

chrisart collage

October 3rd , the day you last spent with us here at home in Lorain. You never came home again. There are still days when I wait to see you walk through the door or come into Nikki’s kitchen after being out on your four-wheeler.

There are days where I can’t believe any of this happened , there are days that even you seem unreal. And then , even though I have seen your work hundreds of times, used your art work and graphics to tell the story of you I am brought to my knees.

by Chris Ritchey

by Chris Ritchey

How can I have missed the subtle inclusion, where was my focus – I thought I knew every fold , every nuance of that piece of work- you won a Cleveland Addy award for that poster. I have looked at it so many times. I marveled at the story told with your graphics. Then just a few days ago, whilst scrolling down through the posts, on this blog my eye caught something I hadn’t seen before . I went back to the artwork and looked closely
there in the bottom right hand corner was your thumb printthumbprinrest
and in the opposite corner on the pages that you used in the work to remind of the blowing papers from that September 11th day of destruction the cover of your US passport passport
I know how strongly you felt about the attack on September 11th and your pride in being an American. I wanted so much to ask you why the “thumb print” and yet somehow I believe it was a reminder that you were here you existed and left your mark . Even though others have forgotten you or have dismissed you from their lives – you are still speaking through your work even if the voice is soft and almost silent.

Once again I am amazed by who you were and are – I love you with all of what is left of my heart ………

October 2, 2014 at 6:31 pm Leave a comment

Sept 3rd- Confidence- Chris Ritchey 2014

mumand dad
The day war was declared- your Nana, a survivor of living history,remembers that Sunday well like it was yesterday.
It was one of those defining moments in life. A war, that saw your grandfather have his youth , innocence and joie de vivre ripped from his being , not to ever fully come back to him.
https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2010/09/25/long-time-passing-gone-to-fighting-part-6/
Their young lives changed forever by a few words spoken on that September 3rd .
http://www.warhistoryonline.com/war-articles/transcript-sound-neville-chamberlains-declaration-war-september-3rd-1939.html

Your life was changed forever and ended by words – you have cancer

I know that I have changed but I hadn’t realized how much. Last month a gift- a VHS tape – found on the floor of the garage-

https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2014/08/21/the-birthday-and-those-between-chris-ritchey/

Your dad brought in the bag of VHS tapes and started to play them. There you were, once again, your childhood played out in the pool, on the soccer field , rowing boats , Christmas morning, skiing laughing and loving with us

I still can’t watch most of the tapes , it is like trying to breathe underwater. Looking at the dance tape of Nikki with Braedyn and Gavin – little Braedyn glued to the screen as his mummy danced, Gavin telling his mummy – you are beautiful
img038-1
I saw myself , the MC of the event taking center stage – I was so confident, knowledgable , open to the audience , carefree, laughing, smiling and welcoming. I saw myself in a swimming pool with our family, your sister and friends racing the lengths of the pool , the music of laughter rang once more in this house as the tape played and those voices of summer came back from the past. .

And then a Christmas morning , the living room which held so many Christmases, your Nana and I sitting on the couch surrounded by presents , the noise, everyone talking at once, the puppy – that was Sheena , the paper wrapping making a pile in the center for Sheena to attack. What struck home with me was the laughter and conversation in which Nana and I were engaged. We didn’t stop talking and laughing – I was confident enough to make a complete fool of myself with the most horrendous pair of earrings. I still have those damned earrings , but I no longer have you or the me that I was.

I knew I lost ME when you got cancer and died- but I hadn’t realized how much of me I had lost . I was looking at another person, not recognizing her at all anymore. She died too and I grieve for the faces of life caught in a web of video. I grieved for the loss of laughter, happiness and confidence. I am so different , no longer the daughter, wife, mother , friend and neighbor of before.

I am reminded by the collage that will play such an integral part of the book I am writing “of you”

.chriscollage snob the “confidence artwork”

Confidence Gone– I opened up to you and my lack thereof – in Texas on another September day as you wrestled with cancer and untruths- set in a holiday setting of palm trees and sparkling waters – I spoke to you that day – unsure…
https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2010/11/23/symbols-lost-and-never-to-be-found-chris-ritchey/


You see when a son marries he brings into his life another woman- it is very difficult in the best of circumstances for a mother to sit back and watch decisions being made that in some cases I did not agree with in a normal situation- this terrible situation we find ourselves all thrust into makes it doubly hard. But I have deferred to you both and to her “medical expertise” with this obscenity of Hodgkin’s that has engulfed us. It has been one of the hardest things in the world for me not to interfere or to put in my two cents. There have been times Chris, when I have doubted my own abilities and lost confidence in myself – I have gone against my own gut feelings and yet there is a voice that tells me to still be protective of you .

Other self  by Chris Ritchey

Other self by Chris Ritchey

and so I continue – no longer me – no longer with hope, no longer belief in a greater all knowing supreme being, no longer happy, welcoming and confident just a transparent shell of before…. whose smile only surfaces when two little boys break through the endless night of losing you…….. the other self

WP_20140628_001res

September 2, 2014 at 11:39 pm Leave a comment

Kinks- Past – hyphenated- Lorain- Loraine Pt 5

hyphenated
Source

Teddy Roosevelt: “No Room in This Country for Hyphenated Americans”
Address to the Knights of Columbus
New York City- October 12th, 1915

Part One https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2014/06/15/kink-s-in-fathers-day-best-of-british-pt-one/

Part Two https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2014/06/18/kinks-culture-shock-best-of-british-pt-2/

Part Three

https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2014/06/25/kinks-on-being-a-hyphenated-american-part-three/

Part Fourhttps://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2014/06/28/kinks-all-in-a-name-a-carta-and-constitution-a-trojan-horse-part-four/

Therefore, not finding a non- hyphenated group upon which to acclimate into the Americanization of LoraineI chose to use the common denominator of Lorain. I put my focus on Lorain- after all it was going to be HOME- and I would have something in common with others who also chose to make Lorain their home!

11274
We had purchased our “starter” home( in which we still reside) in an old neighborhood; one unfortunately that was in decline. We saw the house in the dark, my husband fell in love it with it and made the offer before I had even seen the basement!

I drove to the house the next morning , I still liked the house but soon realized this was not “upmarket” and the neighborhood was having issues. But then I thought:

well this is America and I don’t know too much about American neighborhoods and post codes ( zip codes)

and there by started the journey of “finding out about Lorain” a mock English Tudor and me.

I soon realized just like the lack of theatre locally , there was a drought of information that could be found about Lorain- there was not at that time a formal Lorain Historical Society , no computers, the library evidenced the most information and yet I knew just by walking around this old neighborhood, the architecture, the layout of the streets, the hodgepodge of different styles there were stories and history.

Palace before restoration 1978 - New Lorain

Palace before restoration 1978 – New Lorain

It was the theatre and saving one that found me getting my “Lorain” feet wet– the preservation of the Lorain Palace Theatre– with the ladies that lunched-
https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2009/07/21/ladies-of-lorain/

Barb McGregor , Mary Lou Connone, Ruth Calta Lori Hoke, Barbara McGregor, Corky Bruck, Charlotte Zakowski, Jane Baran, Jane Norton, Lou Kepler, Alice Weston, Phyllis Pfaff, Sally Bobel , Lilly Yuzon, Sally DeLuca , Mirium Schneider , Darlene Brown , Mrs. Robert Bostwick, Mrs. Dave Herzer , Carol Kramer, Frances Cellozzi, Marie Bonaminiooand so many others including Sandy Prudoff ( our first meeting) .

PALACE PLAYERS-
Top row left to right Casey Wolnowski- Loraine Ritchey- John Handyside- Sally Deluca – Dan Deliman – Jean Schaeffer- and I have forgotten- anyone know?

img200res

Jean Schaeffer took me under her wing – I met her at the Chef Henri Dinner Theatre and she decided I needed to be involved in Lorain and you just couldn’t say no to Jean . I have been involved in Lorain ever since.

shirley  valentine

I have made a nuisance of myself to all of the administrations. I started by storming into Mayor Zahorec”s administration ( 9 months pregnant) when Elio Jacabozzi declared no city worker or their families could attend City Council meetings . Incensed when I read the notification given to my husband I ranted on to Mayor Zahorec ( in my best British at the time) about freedom of speech , American Democracy etc. the policy was changed.
ore piles
You see, my husband now worked for the City of Lorain ( Communications) and I was at a meeting speaking against the ore piles- that didn’t go down to well– fresh perspective of ( you don’t put great heaps of ore to mar a beautiful harbor and river) but they didn’t listen and acquired those ore piles; it took decades to get rid of them. I continued to try my best for Lorain no matter the Mayor, no matter the cause- just to bring to do what I could for my “home”.
Key_to_the_City_of_London,_Charles_Lindbergh
Under Mayor Krasienko I was given the “Key to the City in 2010

https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2010/04/20/the-key-to-the-city-a-thank-you/
twelth night
Lorain is still hyphenated , now sometimes into the halves and quarters. I have been battered and bruised ,called names as I continued the journey trying my best to preserve, promote and support Lorain. Lorain’s earliest green space and the saving thereof caused such angst.

https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2013/08/02/veterans-memorial-park-fini/
St Mary's
I even advocated for the Roman Catholic Church of St. Mary’s 7th street,
https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2009/03/19/charleston-village-letter-mj/
A church and priest Father Dan Divis who are not thought of with any fondness after their enabling of pain to this family.

I have tried to be an American non hyphenated by being a Lorainite, to assimilate, to do what the people who settled this community did to put Lorain ahead of hyphenation.

The older I get (life circumstances and hyphenated people) have found me changed since 2009 . I find myself drifting back into wanting my culture around me – those that think, understand and relate without explanation how I “work”, to be around MY cultural and religious heritage . Only here I am totally outnumbered , those are few and far between.
chrisart collage
When my son was dying, that dreadful, dreadful day – I was surrounded by the grating voices and the “our way ” bullying of the Italian – Polish- German- Hispanic Roman Catholic- American controllers Vyka, Lombardi, Gonzales, Gott, Zaworksi-

https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2012/06/07/a-memory-of-vipers-chris-ritchey/

Your name was RITCHEY , NOT – Lombardi , Vyka , Gonzales, Gott or Zaworski . You were taken to their faith and their closure, denying your family even the “time of your interment in their selfishness.”

As someone said

“it is like Chris’ family didn’t exist”

I desperately reached for my cell phone in those minutes after being told my son was probably brain-dead, whilst Lombardis sat there dry-eyed, stone faced , without a tear – worrying I wouldn’t pull the plug- messing further with their already laid our plans. I left the room to call a cousin as I was surrounded by “self” – ishness, inhumanity and without depth of human feeling as a mother and father lost their son, a sister lost her brother. I thought I would totally melt down if I didn’t hear an English voice- he was a life line in that instant.

chrismeresglow1 With what happened to this family – the might of one hyphenated group trampling all over the culture and religion of another has not sat at all well with me , as longtime readers of this blog can attest. It does not fade but then another English trait long memories for injustice and tenacity.

Our wishes and our beliefs, culture overridden by the “hyphen-aters”. I watched as the “spoils” from a fundraiser were distributed with cloak and dagger secrecy by the mother Sue, of the clan Lombardi, and her banker husband Tim and sisters Zaworski and Gonzales. Nothing done that was technically illegal but in my opinion I found what happened to that money morally reprehensible.It was so against any upbringing I had experienced. Again, this left a bad taste in my mouth morality missing, but not apparently to those of the various “family culture”.
The bad taste in my mouth lingers.


I am still at sea – my caring of Lorain has diminished too – if I could run away I would – but wherever I went in the world I would take my untenable pain of loss with me.

There is no place that would ease and I have so much here to love ( those of my own) and they are now my place of respite and love. THEY ARE MY HOME OF MY HEART-THEY ARE THE ONES WHO “KNOW’ AND UNDERSTAND WITHOUT NEED OF EXPLANATION- THEY ARE MY CREED AND CULTURE NOW- AND IT IS FOR THEM I EXIST.The small group of “true” friends that “know” our pain without being told.

I now let others advocate for Lorain . I SOMETIMES WRITE BUT WITHOUT THE PASSION OF CARING IF THE OUTCOME IS FAVOURABLE TO MY THOUGHTS – IT IS WHAT IT IS-
I will keep my commitment to those projects started and to protect them as I wrap myself up in this little old neighborhood Charleston Village – that is who I am my culture of following through against all odds.

BUT – I WON’T take on anything else – I no longer get to get emotionally involved in Lorain – it is time to find a peace where I can . a hyphenated culture AND PEOPLE totally at odds with my own has won out leaving a bad taste for those cultures and religion who have cased such pain – I TOO, AM NOW HYPHENATED

Me and the Kinks lost to history !

Kinks – The Village Green Preservation Society

We are the Village Green Preservation Society.
God save Donald Duck, vaudeville and variety.
We are the Desperate Dan Appreciation Society.

Deshttp://lewstringer.blogspot.com/2012/05/desperate-dans-long-road-to-cover.htmlperate  Dan

Deshttp://lewstringer.blogspot.com/2012/05/desperate-dans-long-road-to-cover.htmlperate Dan

God save strawberry jam and all the different varieties.

Preserving the old ways from being abused.
Protecting the new ways, for me and for you.
What more can we do?

We are the Draught Beer Preservation Society.
God save Mrs. Mopp
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/It’s_That_Man_Again
and good old Mother Riley.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Old_Mother_Riley
We are the Custard Pie Appreciation Consortium.
God save the George Cross, and all those who were awarded them.

Oooh…
We are the Sherlock Holmes English-speaking Vernacular.
God save Fu Manchu, Moriarty and Dracula.
We are the Office Block Persecution Affinity.
God save little shops, china cups, and virginity.
We are the Skyscraper Condemnation Affiliates.
God save Tudor houses, antique tables, and billiards.

Preserving the old ways from being abused.
Protecting the new ways, for me and for you.
What more can we do?

We are the Village Green Preservation Society.
God save Donald Duck, vaudeville and variety.
We are the Desperate Dan Appreciation Society.
God save strawberry jam and all the different varieties.

God save the village green!

June 30, 2014 at 8:03 pm 7 comments

Kink (s) in Father’s Day- Best of British! Pt. One

emglandres

It has been week of homesickness, not only for the country of my birth- England, but for my traditional values and a culture that still remain such an integral part of who I am. My cousin, has been visiting the old days, the family stories pulled out again , and laughter- something that I have not had too much of since losing my son.

I feel trapped by the values of others, I feel trapped by the thinking of the majority or those that have the power of the rules. It amazes me sometimes how this my new “hometown” has , by the sheer majority of religious beliefs and ethnic values” so differing for my own, has caused such unhappiness to this family.
https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2011/01/27/bishop-lennon-due-respect-beliefs-the-dead-and-calvary-cemetery-lorain/
divis
Of course, I am talking about the Italian/ Polish religious community headed by Father Divis ( read Roman Catholic of St. Mary’s Lorain ) and we can do whatever we wish to do because thinking of the Lombardi Vyka Clan ( and now the Angela Murphy) control.

My son’s remains trapped in their toxic ground – without benefit of family . Of course Angela Lombardi Ritchey Murphy http://my.clevelandclinic.org/staff_directory/staff_display.aspx?DoctorID=16147
has moved on – dumped the possessions( that were not of any monetary value) and art work of my son– as soon as she could – after our Chris’s death but held onto those ashes. Why? she was done with Chris after the 2nd stem cell transplant failed- the show -put on was good for the “community” and they did it well! But never the less it was a show – Does she still require that “grave” place for the depositing of vodka , beer cans, cake and balloons?
lombardivyka clan

I am amazed at the thinking – how does a woman profess to be a healer and turn around with such coldness and callousness of control as to deny a father his son in the darkest hour of any parent’s life?

I would ask any father, any mother reading this to look at your son or your daughter, imagine the horror of helplessly standing by watching them fight for each breath , nursing them every day of those last months of life, watching them die , having information kept from you by the “in law family, helpless and then have your flesh and blood and the last vestige of your child taken without your input or any consideration as to your wishes. Look at your son or daughter , try to imagine the pain and grief at losing them and you tell me tell me what these people did was right
https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2010/12/04/dec-4th-how-cold-is-cold-lombardi/

to put your son in a cemetery of their faith without you even being told they were doing so- and now of course “their moving on” Sue Lombardi , Tim Lombardi now mother and father in law to another Chris ( Murphy) – the do over wedding
https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2014/04/26/the-bliss-of-a-wedding-not-for-me-ritchey-murphy/

wedding bells and black hearts

wedding bells and black hearts

and all is forgotten but as long as my son remains in that place of disrespect- I will not forget.

chris dad mistyFathers Day
https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2011/06/19/fathers-day-2011-time-passes/

We tip toe around the edges of Fathers Day- whilst his daughter tries so hard to be both of his children- the fact her brother is no longer here to share the breakfast at McDonald’s ( a tradition started when they were both little) . There is always the reminder Chris –
chrismeresglow1
There is a tenaciousness being British- we don’t as a true Brit ever give up- I am not sure that is a good trait- so much easier to go with the flow- give in to the majority of put it away, move on, forget it, nothing we can do apathy , why try you are in the minority, thinking that pervades this community. But apart from being British I am also a mother and I carry my son in my heart and soul and his DNA in my body! Emotionally and physically he is with me still and always will be.

The waste of trying to make a difference lost on the “altars” of those who have the power.
So another Fathers Day- another reminder of wonder at the children given life- and another reminder of a death and a cruelty given to a Father who loved unconditionally.

To be continued

June 15, 2014 at 3:43 pm 4 comments

A ghost of remembrance – Mother’s Day

soften collage

As long time readers are aware, a small koi- a Ghost Koi– was slipped into the pond on the last Mother’s Day my son and I shared –

https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2010/03/19/the-ghost-in-the-pond/

Oh! Chris ! why would you buy another Koi? you know they never survive the winter”
“I needed to get this one and it’s Mother’s Day so you have to accept it “


And the next Mother’s Day was one of pain and cruelty unasked for “notes” from his bride had arrived – Angela Marie (Lombardi Ritchey) Murphy) Angela Murphy Do http://my.clevelandclinic.org/staff_directory/staff_display.aspx?DoctorID=16147

https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2010/05/06/mothers-day-what-degree-a-mothers-love-and-who-decides/

There is always , like anything in this life, the chance his last Mother’s Day present would not thrive and survive the winters.
ghk

https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2010/06/01/ghost-in-the-pond-a-koi-story/

https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2011/03/19/ghost-in-the-pond-deux/

https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2012/05/12/mothers-day-2012-gifts-and-ghosts-a-fishy-story/
OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA
Last August disaster struck the pond – fish were dying

https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2013/08/03/august-3rd-the-enviroment-changed-chris-ritchey/

days and nights of water changes medicine but the Ghost Koi continued.

Then came the winter of my nightmares. The extreme cold caused the waterfall, which is made from a concrete like substance, to crack causing the water to leak out of the pond. The temperature was cold enough to freeze the mighty Niagara so even with heaters and aerator the water froze.

IMG_1045res

The day the concrete falls cracked open we lost nearly half the water in the pond. My husband had to first unfreeze the spickets and hoses in order to fill the pond to a level where the pumps would work. He then had to bypass the falls with piping in order to keep the water flowing, but the pipe would freeze. The pipe then had to insulated with a sleeve like design made out of a sleeping bag. Unfortunately, Shadow took great delight in pulling this off every chance she got.
IMG_1251res

My husband spent hours trying to keep the pond open in order for the gasses to escape and keep the fish safe. There was many a day he was out there in the 10 below temperature almost willing the water to run and the ice not to form. There were days that found me lying flat on my stomach in the snow chipping away at the ice on the end of the piping so the pump would continue. All for a fish , a fish given on that last Mothers Day.

GE DIGITAL CAMERA
Spring has come late this year. The pond is usually up and running and the fish awake by late March but it has only been in recent days life has returned to the pond . The water is still murky but a Ghost Koi, larger now than ever before, swims under the water fall once more and reminds me of a another Mother’s Day……..

ghkoipond
GE DIGITAL CAMERA

Friday, was Mother’s Day for me , my mum, Nikki and two little boys went to the “fish” restaurant of choice “Red Lobster”. The boys eagerly watched two lobsters fighting in the tank but ate macaroni and cheese.

Then on to Pandys and Lowes for plants. I am not sure there will be any rhyme or reason to the garden this year as Gavin and Braedyn loved the plant shopping and filling the carts to overflowing. Certainly not paying attention to directions of “sun – full sun – shade partial shade” . Little hands distributing love and flowers , excitement in innocent eyes as they picked up more and more . There should be some interesting plantings this year because each plant was given with love and so couldn’t be put back.

My tears falling once more, my heart in hurt as I remember when a little girl and her brother would look up with the same excitement in their eyes as they gave their Mother’s Day gifts and one Mother’s Day when a small silver fish was slipped into a pond – a ghost of remembrance and a love that grows…crop2chris

May 10, 2014 at 12:07 pm 2 comments

The Bliss of a Wedding- Not for me Ritchey/ Murphy

I am not sure what I am supposed to be feeling – Today at noon there was a wedding – all the hoopla and happiness that goes with it ……. The wedding of Angela Marie Lombardi Ritchey( Murphy)
http://my.clevelandclinic.org/staff_directory/staff_display.aspx?DoctorID=16147
to another Chris , Christopher Murphy.
http://my.clevelandclinic.org/staff_directory/staff_display.aspx?DoctorID=92987
dr dirty  dancing

Sue Lombardi Lorain
Mother Sue Lombardi , she of the

lets dress him in his blue shirt and silver tie in the coffin,


https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2010/12/04/dec-4th-how-cold-is-cold-lombardi/

and wanting so much to have his coffin at the funeral home to decorate,
https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2010/10/14/an-open-letter-mama-sue-lombardi/

is in her element I am sure decorating and dressing having hair and make up done and the whitening of the teeth……

https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2010/01/14/the-visitation-or-what-to-decorate-is-the-question/

2531190380_0eb8a4aedb

In the normal way of things – had that family not caused so much pain , distress and ugliness as my son died – I would have wished the “daughter in law” well. But that wasn’t to be – Instead I wonder as she walks down the aisle at St. Johns -making further promises – whether she will remember a young man with a winning smile and a naivety as to what that family would do to his … ………. so I wish them “conscience” ………………………

Yes I am angry and bitter- they took our son , caused so much pain to his family by doing so – and there his remains – remain…. it was a despicable callous and
cruel act in the worst time any parent or sister could have .. by those that once again get on their knees and make promises in a well decorated church celebrating “love”—- they know not the meaning of the word.

April 26, 2014 at 4:12 pm 11 comments

“Burnt out ends of smokey days- Lorain-Memory

memo

I have become a hoarder of memories………..

Memory –
Songwriters
T.s. Eliot;Andrew Lloyd Webber;Trevor Nunn

I sang that particular number, once a upon a time, in my days of theatre. I always identified with the lyrics – even more so now that my son has become a fading memory to the majority . The lines in bold – hold for me – a meaning of my life as morning dawns.

Midnight
Not a sound from the pavement
Has the moon lost her memory?
She is smiling alone
In the lamplight
The withered leaves collect at my feet
And the wind begins to moan

Memory
All alone in the moonlight
I can smile at the old days
I was beautiful then
I remember
The time I knew what happiness was
Let the memory live again

Every street lamp
Seems to beat a fatalistic warning
Someone mutters and the street lamp flutters
And soon it will be morning

Daylight
I must wait for the sunrise
I must think of a new life
And I mustn’t give in
When the dawn comes
Tonight will be a memory too
And a new day will begin

Burnt out ends of smoky days
The stale cold smell of morning
A street lamp dies, another night is over
Another day is dawning

Touch me
It’s so easy to leave me
All alone with my memory
Of my days in the sun
If you touch me
You’ll understand what happiness is
Look, a new day has begun

Some times I wish I had selective Alzheimer’s so that certain people and the cruelty of those days are lost.

lombardivyka clan Lombardi, Vyka Clan …..a wedding of woe…

Unfortunately, that doesn’t happen, I bury them, dismiss them in one of the smaller attics of my mind but every so often they tumble out bringing with them the dust of despair and disbelief.
Kencanscen

As my own memories have become more about my life today, I have discovered I have an affinity with others and how precious their memories are and were.

https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2014/04/13/lorain-history-changes-kicked-to-the-landfill/

How I wish I could ask my grandmothers more about the stories they used to tell, how I wished I had paid more attention , how I wished I had asked about their mothers, fathers and grandmothers as they “remembered.

mybookI did have my mum write her memories down- but mum being mum wouldn’t write about the scandals of the day and to me the “more interesting” memories of “naughty stuff”. She has stored those way back in her attic memory and refuses to let me in…..

To Be continued …………….

April 22, 2014 at 12:52 pm Leave a comment

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