No Limits-Bk 2-Chapter 4- Beyond the Vale

Chris Ritchey Source

 

Forward: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2023/02/03/no-limits-bk-2-forward-beyond-the-vale/

Chapter One: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2023/03/03/no-limits-bk-2-chapt-1-beyond-the-vale/

Chapter Two: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2023/04/03/no-limits-bk-2-chapt-2-beyond-the-vale/

Chapter Three : https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2023/05/03/no-limits-bk-2-chapt-3-beyond-the-vale/

Triggers and Premonition

I am finding it  extremely  difficult to  write today , although  writing about my  son and his journey  through  his life before he passed and now  after, the first week of June is crippling.

I  hate the first week  of June it is a trigger, the wedding that I  dreaded and the lead up to  how the Lombardi  family  crucified all kindness and played a game of utter selfishness as my  son lay  dying and died. IF THAT WEDDING HADN’T TAKEN PLACE OUR GOODBYES WOULD HAVE BEEN SO  DIFFERENT. 

Do  you believe in premonition? What is it anyway  :

Is premonition that little voice in your head, the half remembered dreams, pieces parts of which seemingly come to fruition years down the road? Or how about that gut feeling you have an instant dislike to someone you meet for the first time- a complete stranger no baggage that comes with them except maybe in the future.

I have had these things happening to me all my life – but they never come when I “need them to come”. It doesn’t happen to everyone of my kith or kin –

Why did I look in the eyes of my newly born son all those years ago and turn to my mother and say without thinking

“he has sad eyes- he will have a sad life”

and then dismiss it with

“why ever did I say that”

as post baby hormonal flare ups?

Is that why I spoiled him rotten- gave him everything he wanted – forgave him everything?

And since he was the only other one kith or kin that had “dreams” ( even as a toddler

“mummy that happened before – I dreamt it

– did he know that his life would be cut short somehow? All I know is that damned wedding to  Angela Lombardi  filled me with  dread from the very  first moment he sat on the steps  with  his sister facing his dad and I  .

 

“you  had better tell them Chris” 

Oh  no  I  thought Angela must be pregnant! No  he kept his head down talking to  the floor….

” Angela wants to  get married” 

Chris did not look the happiest I  had ever seen him….. something is wrong I  thought…

“What about YOU, do  you  want to  get married”

I guess so 

said the far from joyful groom to  be.

I looked at my  son  and thought to  myself well I  can’t see Sue Lombardi wanting this marriage it will be months. Angela had other ideas, she had the date set and the next week we were “bridal dress shopping.

The whole time leading up  to  this wedding my  heart was not in it. I had bad feelings, warnings from my  brain and emotional being.

This is not boding well, something is so  wrong, this wedding shouldn’t happen.

It would be akin to  arriving at an airport and knowing you  shouldn’t get on that plane, run every  fiber in my  body  was screaming, don’t let this wedding happen .

But that was nonsense wasn’t it , a young couple , a son I  loved with  all my  heart , I  wanted him to  be happy ..what was wrong with  me? Yes he had had the cancer diagnosis a few weeks before, but that was not it, somehow I  knew that wasn’t the reason for the dread.

Chris Ritchey- CIA

I knew when he was first diagnosed with  Hodgkins Lymphoma ( the curable cancer , the one you  want it you  have to  have cancer….what Doctor even says that?

Was it my dread of “Cancer” that didn’t want the diagnosis of the “curable cancer”….. that made me look away from the symptoms – not wanting to take that first step on a journey whose ending would cause such unbearable pain. Like the ostrich and the sand did I not want to face what I knew was coming at us sending us into a bottomless well of emotional agony .

Was it already knowing the script when the Doctors kept saying

” test show you are cancer free “

that I wanted to scream at them and his wife :

No!!!!! he isn’t there is something wrong

( three times that happened) and each time the diagnosis eventually came back NOT cancer free at all.

And why do we have these premonitions if we can’t change the outcome? Are they just another instinct we can’t fully utilize –

The White Coat of Dr. Death- by Chris Ritchey

I knew, as I  have written before from the dreams and flashes of de ja vu, something wicked was coming for my  son and this curable cancer was not going to  go  away.

I  saw him in death  surrounded by  the Lombardis, a picture in my  mind  I  tried to  shake  off time and time again  on that first day  that started the screaming

All it takes is a phone call to start you screaming

and yet as I  have also  written my  fears came to  pass

E. Munch- 1895

The Lombardis and their kin   were poison to  be dealt with,  their toxicity  at the worst time in Chris’ family’s lives and I  knew why  the premonition of fear  of that wedding had been so  strong.

December 11th- The beginning of the beginning

How do  you  know  what is real, did we just have a desperate need to  know Chris was ( or his energy) still there , somewhere?  In  those first  weeks of the new year, were we collectively  hallucinating, going mad in our grief , the three women in Chris Life, his sister, mother and grandmother desperately  looking for signs and yet not wanting to  appear ludicrous  to  each  other or to  others.  We kept quiet , except to talk a little to each  other, testing the waters so  to  speak to  see how what was happening  was really  happening to  all of us.  A ball suddenly  rolling across the room, a fragrance of aftershave.

I mentioned what I  thought might be happening to  a dear friend whose relative “could see” would it be alright to  have her come to  Nikkis . We just sat  talking about every  day  things, the relative  seemed perfectly  normal , I  didn’t get any  weird vibes, what were we supposed to  be doing, holding hands around a table , meditating ,no  we were just drinking tea and  eating cake. around the fire.

All of a sudden the fire flared and the log fell out, which was a little worrying considering  there was only  one log still  burning , but those things happen I  didn’t see any collation between  that and was we were waiting for.

It was then the “relative” said

“Loraine , Chris is standing behind you

artwork Chris Ritchey

I immediately  turned around, I  didn’t see or feel anything, but if he was there well I  was going to  talk to  him. You  would think  I  would have asked  ,

are you  alright, can you  give us a sign?please talk to us…….

No!  this mother with all the pent up  hurt and anger  rather angrily   stated:

Chris, how could you  have married that bitch, do  you  know what has happened , what are we supposed to  do? we are broken we can hardly  move with  the pain of losing you

You can imagine my  reaction was not what the  relative who  “could see”  and my  friend  were expecting . In fact the relative was more than a little annoyed,

you  can’t speak to  the spirits that way

Yes I  can , if Chris is truly  in this room he would expect no less from his mother ! and it is all true , we are going through  hell due to  his choice of a bride.

Everything was very  quiet and the party  broke up, my  mum laughed and said

well guess that wasn’t in the cards…couldn’t see that I guess. 

I felt very  guilty  and we decided no  more “could see” adventures. The just as we were getting ready  to  go  home from the  talking truck in the kitchen chimed in  ” C is for ….”

to  be continued

NO LIMITS -Bk.2-Chapt. 3 -Beyond the Vale

 

 

 

 

 

Chris Ritchey Source

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Forward: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2023/02/03/no-limits-bk-2-forward-beyond-the-vale/

Chapter One: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2023/03/03/no-limits-bk-2-chapt-1-beyond-the-vale/

Chapter Two: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2023/04/03/no-limits-bk-2-chapt-2-beyond-the-vale/

SURREAL!!!!

I can’t begin to  tell you about   the “continuation” of my  life and how I  spent my  days in those weeks after Chris left us. I seem to  live in another place. I  no  longer knew who  I  was anymore, my  understanding of what had happened just wasn’t there.  I didn’t want to  talk to  anyone, be with  anyone, drive anywhere , do  the normal things like grocery  shopping  put on a brave face for anyone. I know I  didn’t answer the phone , go  to  the computer to  read the news, bother about anything that had filled my  life before Cancer  destroyed. I didn’t care. I  would sit in the chair watching  TV  but not really  knowing what I  was watching, I  turned off from  what had been my  norm.

My  daughter, that cold month  of January  stayed home with  her baby , my  mother from her apartment a few blocks away  would  phone  trying so  hard to  help  me and process her own grief. She loved Chris with  all her heart, waited for her “boy” to  be born and adored him, no  matter what mischief or trouble he got into, he could do  no  wrong.

One very  cold January day  , mum appeared at my front  door, she had , at 90 years old,  “walked ” from her apartment to  come and see me.  I  felt very  guilty  that my  mother had to  go  to  those lengths  to  get through  to  me.

“Loraine, I need to  be with  life and so  do  you, I  want you  to  take me to  spend the afternoon with  Nikki  and the baby”

And so  I  called Nikki to  find out if that was alright, I remember there was some relief in her voice as she said yes.  I do  remember the short drive to  my  daughter’s home. I  was terrified  , I hadn’t driven and it was like I  never had, my  hands gripped  the steering wheel so  hard, passing familiar houses and then the hospital , a black  Ford 150  truck  passed me in the other lane , the driver had a baseball cap and sun glasses  and I  nearly  went off the road.

I pulled over , my  mum so  concerned, because in that moment I wasn’t in Lorain Ohio  I  was in Houston Texas and reliving  being with  Chris in his truck and the drive to the medical center for more treatments , that didn’t work.  I was  choking (because  you  can choke on grief, I  have discovered that fact).

I realized later ,   I was “removing myself from any  normal behaviors  of “before”! Just opening the refrigerator could send me back to  the  refrigerator in the  Houston  apartment where Chris and I  spent weeks  whilst he continued treatment.

Silly  simple  things  would trigger memories and events , the smell of creamed corn/ or any sort of corn  ( would have me in the toilet  vomiting) . Creamed corn was the smell of the preservatives  in the stem cells  as they  were pumped into  Chris  ( Double  Stem Cell Transplant)

I no  longer had control of my  brain  and thoughts. The symptoms were very  much  on par with  Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, I  realize that now , although  at the time I  thought I was just going mad….

https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/post-traumatic-stress-disorder/symptoms-causes/syc-20355967

Intrusive memories

Symptoms of intrusive memories may include:

• Recurrent, unwanted distressing memories of the traumatic event
• Reliving the traumatic event as if it were happening again (flashbacks)
• Upsetting dreams or nightmares about the traumatic event
• Severe emotional distress or physical reactions to something that reminds you of the traumatic event

Avoidance

Symptoms of avoidance may include:

• Trying to avoid thinking or talking about the traumatic event
• Avoiding places, activities or people that remind you of the traumatic event

We finally  arrived at my  daughter’s home, deep  breath and  the best smile I  could manage. Nikki  had a lovely  fire in the family  room . My  mum sat in the Amish  rocking chair one  side and my  daughter  in the  recliner on the other side of the hearth.  Baby  Gavin was on his  blanket surrounded by  toys . I too , was on the floor  watching the antics as Gavin tried to  pull himself, reach for the nearest  bright colored object that caught his attention.

Off to  the side was  an interactive toy

One part of the toy  was a  light switch ( see green switch  below the scarecrow face left hand side)   and if you flicked  on the switch with baby  hands,  the face would light up  and the song would start.

” Flick the switch  and light the light, flick the switch  and make it bright. “

The toy  was a good  few feet away  from our little group.

As we sat there, remembering  and trying not to,  of other times in that room when Chris was with  us, the conversation got around to  Angela ( Lombardi) .  My  mother  just couldn’t come to  grips with  how terribly badly  and wronged Angela  and her family  had used us.

The fire continued to  crack and pop  the baby  cooing  and a sort of hiccupping giggle.  My  mum said  staring at the flames said to  no-one in particular…..

“I wonder what Chris would have thought or done about  what has happened? 

No -one  said anything. And then the toy in the corner  all of a sudden made a static  sound, like an old fashioned radio, it continued for a couple of seconds and then the song but only  the last part  “make it  RIGHT” not Bright . the static cut off the B !

My  daughter  looked at me ,

“mum did you  do  that???? “

No ! I  am nowhere near it ,

“well how did that happen? “

My  mum also  said

Loraine?? I  heard that too…..

Well don’t look at me I  replied I  didn’t go  near it !

Maybe something set it off  we thought , since  there was static maybe a short or something. I went over  jumped up  and down, how ridiculous I  must have looked  jumping up  and down infront of this child’s toy. Nothing happened !

Try  shaking said Nikii  worried the toy  might have a “short” or issue that could be dangerous to  baby  Gavin.

It was a stand alone  toy  and had to  be designed not to  fall on a baby or little one.  I shook it , kicked it …..nothing.  Then I  tried flicking the switch, no  problem the light came on  and  the tune once again played in its entirety

” Flick the switch  and light the light, flick the switch  and make it bright. “

There was no static….. Mum made a cup  of tea and we sat  no-one dare say  what each  one of us was thinking incase  the others felt  we were losing it and desperate for it to  be more than a toy  issue.

Truth  be known for weeks since Chris died , we each  in our own private times had been looking for signs, wanting desperately  to  have affirmation that he “continued” somewhere and that he was alright. Not sharing that longing with  anyone incase  they  would be upset or thinking  the other was losing all grip  on reality!

Finally  mum said  :

Well I  think  that was Chris  and he would make it right if he were here , he wouldn’t want to  see  what has been done to  us and he would have done something!!!

However, apparently  it was not the first time Nikki  had encountered toys that turned on.  As I  said the baby  had a boat load of toys and another one was   a talking Tonka  truck, you  pulled it or pushed it and as it moved it would say

A is for apple, B is for  ball, C is for Car, D is for dog

Five days after Chris  died and before he was cremated , Nikki  was alone in the house- all was quiet and she was giving the baby his bath, the dogs laying on the landing, when from the family  room came the “voice” of the speaking truck

A is for  and stopping at C is for car.

The truck could not move on its own and there was no-one in the house. It happened a couple of more times  apparently  before she opened up  to  my  mum and me as to  what had happened.

We just sort of sat there looking at the toys  no-one dare to  question what was happening.   And so  began the journey  of Beyond the Vale

To  be continued ….

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

NO LIMITS-BK 2.- Chapt 2-BEYOND THE VALE

 

 

 

 

 

Chris Ritchey Source

 

 

 

 

Links to previous Chapters and Book One – the before—-

Forward: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2023/02/03/no-limits-bk-2-forward-beyond-the-vale/

Chapter One: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2023/03/03/no-limits-bk-2-chapt-1-beyond-the-vale/

And so  it was Christmas Eve, the Lombardis had put Chris’ cremains in the ground, without kith  or kin or even having the decency  to  inform his family of times etc.  just  5 days previously .

My  mum had gone back  to  her little apartment, a few blocks away. We changed traditions  that year and they  have remained the new traditions ever since.

Oh ! I  decided Chris would not be forgotten by  his baby  nephew as he grew . Chris  had always loved the presents and especially  giving  them. So  the  “Chris Miss Present” has become a yearly  “over the top  gift ” for both  his nephews now, they  know him in more ways than one.

I stopped Christmas at this house, there are no  decorations since that dreadful Christmas, no real tree ( Chris insisted upon)., the decorations of Nikkis and Chris’ special childhood decorations were packed up  and given to  Nikki  for her tree, along with  the memories of wonderful times .

I just wasn’t strong enough  to  deal with  the hypocrisy  I  felt , I  couldn’t, as my  mum asked put a good face on it, not in my  own home that had become my  refuge from the outside world  and my  prison. Now, I still visit Christmas  and can leave when it becomes too hard. I  found it works for me and my   husband.

That Christmas Eve , I  tried, for the sake of the baby and his first Christmas and my  daughter who  was also  “putting on a brave face” and the immediate family. We were all trying to  be normal and it was as false and fake and no-one was fooling anyone else. We just went through  the motions like a bad theatre  rehearsal. That year saw the beginnings of new traditions which  have now  become the annual tradition, no  more English  Christmas Dinner. We opted for Lobsters and  all the trimmings. I do  the Christmas Eve fare at Nikkis on Christmas Eve and we go  to  her home  Christmas night  Although  as Chris used to love to light the Christmas pudding  his nephews made the pudding- with  first my  mum and then me- and they  bring it to  the table to  light, only  two  of us eat it though!

 

 

 

 

 

Then that first Christmas Eve came the rather somber  gift exchange although, the gifts were mainly  for a little baby  who  really  knew nothing of what was happening even when Santa Claus  arrived. My  son-in-law was the one with  his delicious humor that kept  spirits  alive. I was allowed to  leave my  “visit to  Christmas” I  (hopefully)  smiled in the right places and tried but inside I  was failing miserably  to  cope. Driving home through  the neighborhoods of Christmas  lights twinkling , decorations of celebrations I  could barely  see through  the tears to  drive. I fell up  the stairs in my  rush to  get to  the bedroom where my  “crying pillow” was waiting for my  flood gate of tears.

I have been told everyone handles their grief in different ways. I  don’t think  I  “handle” anything , even after these years I can only  liken my  “carrying on with  my  life” as dealing with  a chronic  condition, one that has become a part of me. The flare ups, the emotional  incontinence that comes unasked  and unexpected. If there is an upside to  this grief, for me  the pain is such  that I  hit bottom so  no longer does anything other than illness or hurt to  my  remaining family  scare me.  I  am numb to  the angst, strife  and wanting connections or accolades . There is freedom and an honesty  for me  in the person I  have become.

That first Christmas Day  – AD- I had spent what was left of Christmas Eve, wandering the house, going back to  the bedroom , trying to sleep. I  found myself asking the questions in my  head, the same questions I  know other mothers have asked?

Why  my  child? What did I  do  , what did they  do ? If there is this God or all powerful  entity.  Why  was my  son, who  had done nothing taken when cretins are allowed to  carry on creating havoc, ruining lives ,  killing and maiming (even in this old neighborhood) . Was I  being punished for some “sin” Was it my  fault? Could I  have seen things earlier, could I  have done something  else , did I  miss something ? Could I  have done more to  try  and save him?

artwork Chris Ritchey

I  realized I had somehow in my  sheer emotional exhaustion wandered into  Chris’ former bedroom and had fallen  in a sleep (  for want of a better word) I  found myself waking  , my  senses on heightened alert  I  was listening , trying to  feel  , trying to  reach out to  my  son. I  was holding his jacket, breathing in the remnants of his aftershave , the smell of him as if it would aid communication. I  could hear his voice in my  mind but not  with  my  hearing, I  could close my  eyes  and see his face , but not him . I questioned and tried and there was nothing , no  answers, no Chris.

My  mum called wanting to  know about “Christmas Day” were there plans. I said No  not for me . I  just couldn’t I  had used up what little reserves I  had . I was being bombarded with  loss . I was questioning too much doubting everything. Why  were his wife and family  being so  cruel?

I decided  to  start my  clearing away  of things , I  was sure I  wouldn’t be able to  continue in my  own existence holding this excruciating  emotional and yes physical  pain for very  long. I started by  clearing out the desk that held the phone upon which I  had spoken to  mum, seemed like a good place to  start, years of papers and notes  stuffed into  that drawer,

I lit the fire and pulled out the drawer. Throwing schedules of soccer, notes, old letters  some receipts all the junk that I  had managed to  “I  should keep  that, just in case” scenarios.

My  mum , worried about me would call ,

why  are you  doing this? you  need to  rest…. be with  people who  love you.

 

No!  I  said I am looking for Chris. I  have to  do  this and I  don’t know why  but I  have to. 

She probably  thought I  had lost the plot .

Well you  wont’ find him cleaning  a junk  drawer

she said, more than a little annoyed I  think  and worried about her child me!

I finally  threw all that needed to  be  disposed of into  the fire, tidied the desk and watched as the flames died down. My  mum called again

“Are you feeling any better , should I  come over and make you  something, Loraine, Chris would not want you  making yourself ill” 

As she carried on speaking I noticed caught under the side of the couch and up turned envelope, one of the many  that had been relegated to  the fire, that I had missed. I picked up  the envelope to  throw it into  the dying flames when I realized there was something in it I  turned it over and on the front it had Chris CIA in his writing.  My  mum was still talking but I wasn’t really  listening. I didn’t recall seeing this before , but I gingerly  opened  the envelope, inside were slides  a just three. I told mum I  would call her back, ran to  the den and found the little portable slide holder.

And there they  were. I  HAD  seen the photos before BUT not as slides or in an envelope. As Chris walked across the stage at Clevland Institute of Art the day  of his graduation and when he was most happy, receiving his BFA.

The students had to  express themselves visually  that day   as to  who  they  were , what was important to  them and this was done on a huge screen behind them in sequence. These were the slides that had been used…I never knew they  existed before that day or after.

What was most important to  my  son :

Who I am- Freedom Speaks – art work Christopher Ritchey

by Chris Ritchey Freedom of Speech

“Speech Can Separate You From Everyone” poster- Chris Ritchey

 

I cried,  again, but this was a different sort of tears –  they  relieved. Whether by  accident or design I didn’t know but I  had received a gift from my  son once again on a Christmas Day .... to  be continued

NO LIMITS-BK 2. Chapt.1. BEYOND THE VALE

Chris Ritchey Source

 

TRANSISTIONING 

NO LIMITS- BK 2- Forward. Beyond the Vale

Those days after Chris’ passing were dreadful. People getting ready  for Christmas , lights and celebrations, there was an unreality  to  my  being.  Life was going on all around me….Celebration time Come ON!!!!!

I felt totally  at odds with  the real world, I wanted to  sink into  oblivion, where to  go   , no  where to  run. I was still a mother and a new grandmother, a wife, mother-in -law  and a daughter I  still had to  be “Mum” but I was not me, I  didn’t know who  I  was.

There was nowhere I could go , hide . My  doctor said he would give me help  to  get  past this initial breaking of my  heart and soul , but my  brain was telling me, I  might get a few hours of oblivion to  the gut wrenching pain I was feeling the , sadness and a grief that came in wave upon  incessant wave, but I would have to  deal with  it on my  terms as when I  would wake after medication the horror of losing Chris would still be there.

 

ANGER!!!! there were situations happening with  the Tim, Sue and Angela Lombardi  Clan. and it was “anger” at how they  were treating my  living family  and my  dead son that finally  got me off my  knees.  Oh  it didn’t last long just in response to  situations but part of who  I  was , like a split personality  would rise up  from the depths of my grief  and “for one brief shining moment” I  was as before.

 

Angela Lombardi (ritchey) A Study in Green- Chris RITCHEY

The “PRINCESS” and the 4 Wheeler- Chapt. three- Chris Ritchey

But always the  excruciating   grief and physical pain and “madness” ,because I  truly  believe I  was  going mad, some days would come back with  a vengeance.  I  remember thinking I am old now , -for that I was grateful because I  might not have to  live  30-40  50  years  with  this perturbation-. How do  young mothers cope and do  they  ever?

The broken heart syndrome is real  and the days before that Christmas  that I  could  get up  and function found me cleaning closets , drawers so  that those I  loved would not have to  deal with my  “life”.  I truly  thought I   could not bear this morbidity  for more that a few weeks. I  wrote a few weeks after Chris passed from this realm.

Heart of Thorns- artwork Chris Ritchey

 

Dying of a Broken Heart????

And I have felt the pain in my chest, it is like a tight band , a crushing and tightening , it interferes with breathing, as if something has stopped my lungs from filling with air, holding ones breath too long underwater is a similar sensation . Just when you think you will drown in the pain and grief you surface , an explosion of tears and sobs pulling you back from the depths, a relief but also knowing that you have also lost an opportunity to be released from the slow suffocation of sorrow that has become your world.

It is a peculiar sensation , because the part of the brain that is logical is wondering ,

What the hell is that noise ????

 

and is incredulous when it realizes that it is YOU!!!!! .

I can only say that it seems to be a safety valve , the part of the brain that deals with the mechanics overriding the part that deals with the emotions.

Can you die of a broken heart? Apparently Yes!

Takotsubo cardiomyopathy, also known as transient apical ballooning syndrome, apical ballooning cardiomyopathy, stress-induced cardiomyopathy, broken-heart-syndrome and simply stress cardiomyopathy, is a type of non-ischemic cardiomyopathy in which there is a sudden temporary weakening of the myocardium (the muscle of the heart). Because this weakening can be triggered by emotional stress, such as the death of a loved one, the condition is also known as broken heart syndrome. It has also been reported in cases of partial drowning. The presence of a trigger such as emotional or physical has been reported in 33% to 100% of the cases.
Source http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Takotsubo_cardiomyopathy

Day’s sort of fell over each  other in those two  weeks like  dominoes falling one after another.

It was Christmas , Gavin’s first Christmas . I  remembered Chris telling me that when he recovered  ( after our horseback  ride in Texas) he was going to  buy  land and get Gavin a pony .

That wasn’t to  be but I  went to  TOY R Us and bought Gavin his first “Chris Miss Present” – a Rockin Rider  Pony .

This little pony if you  pressed the button in his ears would sing:

I am a little pony  , clippity  clop,  clippity clop   or would make a neighing sound.

Gavin, being just 8 months old was far too young to  ride .without assistance, but this first Chris Miss present  became an integral part of the continuing story… to  be continued 

T

NO LIMITS- BK 2- Forward. Beyond the Vale

NO  LIMITS- Forward .. Book 2

 

Beyond the Vale…… 

Chris Ritchey Source

 

Beyond the Vale? What is the meaning, a 14th  century  word, a vale ( valley  of tears )

passed away

verb(euphemism) (past of, pass away) (to die)

For the past three years every  month  I  have written of my  son, his life , the love he gave us and we gave in return,   the journey  from hell that saw us diminished, changed and crippled with  grief.

Any  mother  who  has lost her son or daughter knows without my  explaining the  “gutting of grief”  No  explanation is required. You  can find all the 36 links to  those months of writing  in the last Chapter of Book One – No  Limits:

 

January 3rd – NO LIMITS- Chapter 35- Chris Ritchey

Readers, who  are now reading this forward of Book 2. may  not understand, may not believe, will try and find “logical” explanations, even call me  demented, out of my  mind.   The tragedy  of losing a child will change you, you  are no  longer the person after such  a passing than you were before. It  isn’t just mothers, fathers and sisters , death   defines the “new” you, you do  become  less than before, and we are irrevocably  changed.

I wonder, how many  who  start to  read this will finish it? How many  will think yes she has definitely  lost the plot and how many  who  have so  far survived their grief will recognize the traits and actions in themselves .

After someone , who  means more to  you  than your own life passes, and NO!  it doesn’t have to  be a son, daughter, there are a great many  levels of love of those in our worlds; have you  looked for the signs? No  matter your religious or non religious beliefs?

I believe,  we want to  make sure somehow  those loved ones aren’t totally  lost to  us forever, a confirmation the love that was so  all compelling in our lives someone is still out there in another form, sending and reaching out signals . A great many  articles blogs etc have been written on the subject, for instance

https://www.joincake.com/blog/signs-from-deceased-loved-ones/

When Chris was dying in that horrible ICU room with  the “gang of grief” hovering, waiting to  pull the plug…. ..my  daughter ( as I  have written) said to  him.

‘ Chris come home and see me anytime’ ,

I  remember thinking:

Oh my  god  has she not realized he will never come home , or is she trying to  give him last words of comfort? 

And then she left the room, I watched  as almost imperceptible to my  eyes  the colour of his face  changed before me as the blood drained and settled.

 

My  beautiful son who  had been so  full of life and love and energy  , what happened to  those parts of him  not hooked up  to  machines. Where did they  “settle “? Does all that love and energy  and “life force” just dissipate  and decay as our  cells, atoms and chemicals that make up  our bodies?  We do  know,  as explored in writing in the previous No  Limits ,mothers carry  the DNA of our child in our bodies for decades after they  have been birthed.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I  am, sure we all in our families have the ” dying tales”, the “phenomenon of losing “and what has happened to  us,  the anecdotal evidence of family  history when the “vale of tears” comes   our lives.

My  father, had told me of losing his stepfather, a man he loved profoundly , rushing back on emergency  leave from his ship,  as this most important man in his life  was passing, he was allowed into  the room to  say  his solitary  goodbye. He told me once that sitting there trying to  be  a brave soul , “Uncle Jacks’ heart stopped, he went to  reach to  kiss his forehead and there was some force, very  briefly  that blocked his way . He always thought it was the soul leaving the body. not a religious man by  any  sense of the term, and maybe it was his own being that stopped that forward momentum , but well….. he believed it so  I  did.

It seems to  me that  belief of family  and religious structure gets all mythized in books, bibles, religious beliefs, we trust  what our community  , no  matter what part of the world or what religious community   tells us for thousands of years and beyond that .

We as humans need to  believe there is so much  more but by  the same token will scoff as “ghosts” , make light of what happens to  some. Why , skepticism  is all well and good.  I will welcome the readers skepticism .  And so  it begins>>>>>>>

QUOTE  CHRISTOPHER RITCHEY 

“Nothing should be hidden or untouchable, if it is your truth and you stand behind it – no one should be able to silence you “

January 3rd – NO LIMITS- Chapter 35- Chris Ritchey

 

 

NO  LIMITS

Forward: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/01/02/jan-3rd-no-limits-the-forward-chris-ritchey/

Chapter One :https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/02/03/feb-3rd-no-limits-chapter-1-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Two:https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/03/03/march-3rd-no-limits-

Chapter Three: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/04/03/april-3rd-no-limits-chapt-3-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Four: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/05/03/no-limits-chapter-4-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Five: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/06/03/june-3rd-no-limits-chapter-5-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Six: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/07/03/july-3rd-no-limits-chapter-6-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Seven: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/08/03/august-3rd-no-limits-chapter7-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Eight: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/09/03/sept-3rd-no-limits-chapter-8-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Nine: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/10/03/oct-3rd-no-limits-chapter-9-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Ten: NO LIMITS- Nov 3rd- Chapter 10- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Eleven: NO LIMITS-Dec. 3rd- Chris Ritchey- Chapter 11 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Twelve: NO LIMITS-Jan 3rd- Chris Ritchey- Chapter 12 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Thirteen : NO LIMITS- FEB 3rd- Chris Ritchey- Chapter 13 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Fourteen: March 3rd, NO LIMITS, Chapter 14- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Fifteen: April 3rd- No Limits- Chapter 15- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Sixteen: May 3rd – No Limits- Chapter 16- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Seventeen: June 3rd-No Limits-Chris Ritchey-Chapter 17 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Eighteen: July 3rd – NO LIMITS- Chapter 18-Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Nineteen: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2021/08/03/august-3rd-no-limits-chapter-19-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2021/09/03/september-3rd-no-limits-chapter20-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty One:  https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2021/10/03/october-3rd-no-limits-chapter-21-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty Two : https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2021/11/03/nov-3rd-no-limits-chapter-22-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty Three: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2021/12/03/dec-3rd-no-limits-chapt-23-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty Four: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/01/03/january-3rd-no-limits-chapter-24-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty  Five: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/02/03/february-3rd-no-limits-chapter-25-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty Six https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/03/03/march-3rd-no-limits-chapter-26-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty Seven https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/04/03/april-3rd-no-limits-chapter-27-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty Eight: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/05/03/may-3rd-no-limits-chapter-28-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty Nine: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/06/03/june-3rd-no-limits-chapter-29-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Thirty: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/07/03/july-3rd-no-limits-chapter-30-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Thirty-One: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/08/03/august-3rd-no-limits-chapter-31-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Thirty Two: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/09/03/september-3rd-chapter-32-no-limits-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Thirty Three : https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/10/03/october-3rd-no-limits-chapter-33-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Thirty  Four:  https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/11/03/november-3rd-no-limits-chapter-34-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Thirty Five: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/12/03/december-3rd-no-limits-chapter-35-chris-ritchey/

All the tomorrows

It is the third anniversary  of when I  started Chris’ journey  of his life leading up  to  the passing and goodbye, every  third of the month  I have written about my  son using his artwork for the most part, as I  promised him I  would. As of February  3rd 2023 I will be  continuing his story, not all will believe but I swear on everything I  hold dear , it is the truth .

Three years ago  I  wrote the forward to  my  journal  and three years later I  am still in astonishment as to  the world and worlds we occupy:

Jan 3rd- No Limits- the foreword- Chris Ritchey

As I ponder the wisdom of writing the events of life as we know it and death as we believe it to be, I know there will be questions I cannot answer, events I cannot prove.

I am opening myself, my family and my son to a world of naysayers, negativity and ridicule. I will reach the walls with this book. I will push aside and through the walls my peers in this “community”  and others have erected for themselves and for me.

Ironically although  I have always written the truth whenever I have sat at this keyboard and its predecessors I probably   won’t be believed , explanations will abound, logic ( as we perceive things to happen)will come into play .

I have hesitated for months, even years, to tell the story from my self-imposed box. I have written millions of words on my personal blog in the 10 years since my son died. https://www.thatwoman.wordpress.com . I have written his story, I have opened myself and my innermost thoughts and feelings. I have told the tale of cruelty, searing pain and thoughts of suicide. I have exposed myself in ways not many would without fear. So then, why is it I hesitate to share all of our story, a story of continuing love, strength and astonishment?

But first I  have to  conclude with  our goodbye, because this is where it starts:

Since the Clan of the Lombardis and his bride denied Chris’ loved ones any  closure after his passing, the most cruelest  cut of all, those who loved him beyond all measure, those 4 generations  of his blood decided on our private “fare the well” in the woods he so  loved.

Three months after Chris passed, still full of pain and  not understanding the hypocrisy  of Divis and the church ( including Bishop  Lennon ( now deceased) I wrote to  the head of their church . The Pope . I  was answered by  Cardinal Foley, at least he answered  not so    Divis and Lennon….(click   on  to  enlarge)

The trees forming a canopy  in our cathedral, the carpet of moss and leaves the floor, the smell of earth  and life  permeating the air, rather than sickly  incense. A cleansing fire, and water. Thinking back on that day the goodbye and honoring Chris was very  much  of the elements, it wasn’t intentional, although  my  culture and forbearers were very  much  of the Celtic persuasion, we did not practice Paganism, but then again I am not of the persuasion of ANY organized religious beliefs.

Although  clergy  of many  denominations offered assistance in trying to  ease our grief and the journey  of saying goodbye, I was too angry  at the way  the Catholic Church ( St. Mary’s Lorain), Father

Sharing a laugh – but on whom?

Divis      https://www.dioceseofcleveland.org/offices/clergy-religious/directory/daniel-o-divis

and his parishioners  in their  way  of control, did to  this family  in a time not to  be borne by  any  parent. The cruelty of that man and the Lombardi parishioners made no  sense to  me when they  preach love, kindness and do unto others.

No , the prayers offered up,  if any,  were private and silent, the thoughts  written, and saved in a clearing for perpetuity. It was love  pure and simple for a young man who  was so loved,  his passing changed us all.

There was no choir or even bag pipe music just a gathering of broken souls, screaming in silence. As we each  went through our saying goodbye bringing to  the afternoon Chris love for all things that made him Chris . The hymns were  absent but music  filled the air that afternoon. I had heard the rendition of Wild Horse  sung by Susan Boyle

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yb3XAP0c8WU
Susan Boyle

In my  grief as I  listened to  the lyrics , they  spoke volumes to  me ( highlighted words link  to  posts at the time )

 

Wild Horses
Songwriters: Richards, K. Jagger, M

 

Childhood living is easy to do
The things you wanted
I bought them for you

Graceless lady
You know who I am
You know I can’t let you slide through my hand

Wild horses
Couldn’t drag me away
Wild, wild horses
Couldn’t drag me away

I watched you suffer
A dull aching pain
Now you’ve decided
To show me the same

No sweeping exits
Or offstage lines
Could make me feel bitter
Or treat you unkind

Wild horses
Couldn’t drag me away
Wild, wild horses
Couldn’t drag me away

I know I’ve dreamed you
A sin and a lie
I have my freedom
But I don’t have much time

Faith has been broken
Tears must be cried
Let’s do some living
After we die

And Wild horses
Couldn’t drag me away
Wild, wild horses
Couldn’t drag me away

We stood in silence around the fire that burned , fueled by  everything that was tangible of the treachery  of his bride and her family. We had purchased the CD and a player ( outdoor) for that farewell. However, as Susan sang  the CD cut out,  started again  and then ” I watched you  suffer” cut out again.

I was devastated tears rolling down my  cheeks in the cold . I look at my  “electronic genius of a husband standing holding  baby  Gavin. “what is happening  ”  without saying the words.

The music started again right where it left off  and the again cut out  on the words  ” let’s do  some living after we die” . By  this time I  was beside myself thinking damn I can’t even get a CD player to  do  its job…… then I  heard Nikki’s voice :

” Christopher David , stop  that we are trying to  have the only  goodbye we can give you” 

The music started again and didn’t cut out . We carried on with  our small tribute . Then we put away  the items we had taken to  the  little memorial in the woods,

 

put out the fire  and went inside.

The first thing I  had my  husband do  was check the player. I was going to  send it back as defective, I was angry. We played it  a dozen times both outside and inside. Neither the player of the CD cut out.

Nana said

“well what was that all about?” 

 

My  husband checked he said there is nothing wrong with  CD or the player, the power light was on the whole time , I don’t know. Then I  said to  Nikki  :

“why  did you  say  that to  Chris, what made you  think that”

She looked puzzled and  said :

‘Honestly  mum, I  don’t know….. I just felt that and I  could see it was upsetting you and I know how your heart is breaking  and I  wanted it to  go  as well as it could our goodbye…, I  don’t know why  ..just something……….

to be continued  as Chris story  continues in part two  of NO LIMITS……

December 3rd- NO LIMITS- Chapter 35-Chris Ritchey

 

NO  LIMITS

Forward: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/01/02/jan-3rd-no-limits-the-forward-chris-ritchey/

Chapter One :https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/02/03/feb-3rd-no-limits-chapter-1-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Two:https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/03/03/march-3rd-no-limits-

Chapter Three: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/04/03/april-3rd-no-limits-chapt-3-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Four: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/05/03/no-limits-chapter-4-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Five: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/06/03/june-3rd-no-limits-chapter-5-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Six: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/07/03/july-3rd-no-limits-chapter-6-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Seven: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/08/03/august-3rd-no-limits-chapter7-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Eight: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/09/03/sept-3rd-no-limits-chapter-8-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Nine: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/10/03/oct-3rd-no-limits-chapter-9-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Ten: NO LIMITS- Nov 3rd- Chapter 10- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Eleven: NO LIMITS-Dec. 3rd- Chris Ritchey- Chapter 11 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Twelve: NO LIMITS-Jan 3rd- Chris Ritchey- Chapter 12 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Thirteen : NO LIMITS- FEB 3rd- Chris Ritchey- Chapter 13 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Fourteen: March 3rd, NO LIMITS, Chapter 14- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Fifteen: April 3rd- No Limits- Chapter 15- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Sixteen: May 3rd – No Limits- Chapter 16- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Seventeen: June 3rd-No Limits-Chris Ritchey-Chapter 17 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Eighteen: July 3rd – NO LIMITS- Chapter 18-Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Nineteen: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2021/08/03/august-3rd-no-limits-chapter-19-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2021/09/03/september-3rd-no-limits-chapter20-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty One:  https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2021/10/03/october-3rd-no-limits-chapter-21-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty Two : https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2021/11/03/nov-3rd-no-limits-chapter-22-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty Three: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2021/12/03/dec-3rd-no-limits-chapt-23-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty Four: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/01/03/january-3rd-no-limits-chapter-24-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty  Five: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/02/03/february-3rd-no-limits-chapter-25-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty Six https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/03/03/march-3rd-no-limits-chapter-26-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty Seven https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/04/03/april-3rd-no-limits-chapter-27-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty Eight: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/05/03/may-3rd-no-limits-chapter-28-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty Nine: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/06/03/june-3rd-no-limits-chapter-29-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Thirty: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/07/03/july-3rd-no-limits-chapter-30-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Thirty-One: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/08/03/august-3rd-no-limits-chapter-31-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Thirty Two: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/09/03/september-3rd-chapter-32-no-limits-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Thirty Three : https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/10/03/october-3rd-no-limits-chapter-33-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Thirty  Four:  https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/11/03/november-3rd-no-limits-chapter-34-chris-ritchey/

The ending comes, the beginning commences

December 11th – was a Friday – for 8 days we had walked zombie like through life- the shock of losing Chris still not allowing reality of the situation to sink in. In hindsight the signs of what was to come were there but unnoticed –

1. Moving our son from one ICU to another by the “committee of control” without even discussing it with his parents or sister. This act caused such a trauma to his poor body – heart rate up to 169- shock to his already compromised system- But of course this is the same decision-making bunch that decided it would be perfectly fine to send him on a 18 hour journey via trains and cars when he couldn’t cross the room on his own. I have said it before

Remember that night Angela you and your parents were making arrangements to put him on a damned train to Texas. You felt ( even with your medical background) this young man who couldn’t make it to the bathroom would be able to leave at three in the morning on a train to Chicago, change trains, to Austin and it was only a three-hour drive to Houston from there…..

Personally I am not sure what you people use for brains at times.

 

https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2010/04/20/i-didnt-know-my-son-chris-ritchey/

2. Neglecting purposely(imho) to tell us of our son’s deteriorating condition after moving him to that ICU which caused us all angst and Chris to fail further.

3. Allowing total strangers to us to crowd into his room and sitting holding a death vigil- I still to this day don’t know who they all were- and that was something that would have caused my son such anguish- after he could no longer speak (because of the vent) you allowed the ” death clusterers to ogle and text around his dying body” disgraceful behaviour and totally lacking respect. And there was nothing I could do- because I still had hope and every thought was for Chris and I didn’t want to cause him further distress when he did come off that vent- (you see I always thought he would.)

Oh! the list of ‘control incidences” continued unchecked in our time of losing.

Maybe had my mind not been full of disbelief at losing Chris I would have seen the pattern starting to emerge.

Maybe I would have realized MY SON , had become to them a commodity- a possession not a son , child, brother but something to be owned by the Lombardi and Company .

Maybe I would have not been taken by such surprise when a call came from the  Funeral Home (8 days after my son’s death and ONE week after Angela (Lombardi) Ritchey had agreed to cremation and the decision of Chris’s ashes) stating that I need to meet with the Funeral Director.

These “people” didn’t have the common decency or courage to face us personally with one of the most personal decisions one can make .

That morning of December 11th my mother was here staying trying to deal with her own pain- worried about me and the state I was in and my husband when the phone rang. I knew something was wrong- apparently my mum hadn’t even been acknowledged at the memorial service – no concern for her by the dry-eyed controllers –

I threw on something to wear and ran over to the funeral home. What a sight I must have presented wild-eyed with grief and confusion. I was met by the Funeral Director – he said ( and I paraphrase- I was at the time having trouble processing his words)

Angela has decided not to honor the request for the division of Chris’s ashes.

I was perplexed-

How ? Why? She agreed a week ago- we have made arrangements for my mum to fly home with Tony – to release Chris’s ashes in England- we have made arrangements for our own service of closure here in Lorain- things have been put in place so that we can say goodbye in our way – Does she understand what this means to this family? Does she have any idea what this will do to my husband, Chris’s sister, all of us ? THIS IS A WICKED, WICKED THING THEY ARE DOING..

I was  handed an envelope and written on the lined notebook paper was the explanation

“After much thought and consideration on what Chris would want, I have decided not to separate his ashes. This decision was not made as a reaction to recent events. It was not influenced by family or friends. Religion did not play a role. I reflected on what Chris would want me to do….

Then came the diatribe of Chris not being an organ donor and wanting to leave this world with what he came with………
I knew up until Chris’s last drivers licenses ( he had cancer by then) that he always had been an organ donor. I have his previous license.

None of this was making sense –
Recent events – I hadn’t spoken to her or seen her since the morning of Chris’s death.

What was she talking about???- getting her busy body mother out of my son’s ICU room when we were all told to leave… Not religion!!!!!!! Religious beliefs I could have understood –but she clearly states that wasn’t the case. I didn’t understand

“leaving this world with what he came with”

My mind was racing I said out loud to the man standing before me :

” Does she even know what cremation is – what happens in the process? She a damned Dr. (supposedly) does she not know what happens to organs in the cremation process– this reasoning ( if wasn’t so wicked and callous) would be laughable………not an organ donor this decision is wicked wicked, wicked and totally wrong. To base all the pain and turmoil this will cause to my family on such reasoning- it is unbelievable……….

 

How can she change her mind? You all witnessed the agreement- she stated her decision and agreed in front of witnesses

My mind by this time was running on hyper drive-

Yes, she has legal rights but there must be someway to stop this to appeal through her church – to initiate a legal process as to binding verbal contracts under Ohio law – and then the thought struck me:
Chris was not cremated yet- they– I know that family are all about “embalming– Cadillac casket and burial something that is abhorrent to me and I knew my son’s thoughts on their ceremonies only too well- but this way was preferable to them and they obviously were not considering anyone else but THEM.

I knew from Nikki that Angela had signed the papers for cremation after my son-in-law stated Chris had talked to him about it on their way back from Texas.

I said –

Chris hasn’t been cremated yet has he? She can’t change her mind on that can she? She signed papers she can’t go back on that?

 

Yes!

came the answer

Angela could very well change her mind up until the very last minute-

I remember the breath leaving my body- I was stunned- my mind and emotions exploding thoughts, running rampant, pictures in my mind of decomposition, his smile , his laugh , his dying all rushing through a brain still reeling from losing him . The faces as the funeral home staff watched me disintergrate

Oh God I thought no – I can’t let them do that to him– not Chris-

So I too had to make a decision -one nearly as hard as taking him off the vent –

 I had to say and do nothing – I couldn’t go to attorneys about verbal contracts– witnesses – appealing through her church- the only thing I could do was “NOTHING” -nothing until my son’s poor body was cremated.

I couldn’t risk stirring the “keepers of cruelty and wickedness” from their self-righteous slumber in case they changed their minds again.

I had to let them think they had signed a contract and hope to hell ( not heaven) that they didn’t realize they could have changed their minds for the sake of my son knowing the consequences would be they would take his poor body and put it through their rituals of death as they are want to do and have done since  he  died  just over a week before. I was stunned, I  had no  words, no direction, I  sat there  across the desk from the man who  had his orders from the Lombardis . I could do  nothing  and then I said

“Am I as his mother allowed to  put something in with  my  son”

The words came back: ” well I  have no  instructions from the Angela and the family  saying otherwise. The Items would have to  of material that would be able to  be burned. 

As I read the words of denial penned by your “bride” – I remembered the Viking ship.

The ship you had to make for a class at LCCC- the brief- a piece of work made with all natural materials sourced from your home – you sat and carved and cut from a log from the wood pile, tree branches from your tree planted as a child, a piece of deer skin found in the garage and scraped down for the sail and finally burning not painting the decoration to add to the dimension.

I knew that Viking Ship, which I carried around to college visits when you were transferring from LCCC was the closest thing I could do to give to you to honor the bravery of your fight against that disgusting disease. Your Nana called you her Viking and you were a warrior, so brave, hiding from us your pain.

Something to show our love as well had to  go  with  you  … the little England bear purchased from Harrods by you for me when you were returning from soccer in Manchester.

I carried that little bear with me in those first dreadful days after you died whilst meanness , selfishness and grief fragmented us beyond all being . He was crushed to  my  bosom I  dare not let go  of that little bear, in case I too would let go of this life. Those days of gutting agony he was my  constant companion .  It was still damp from my tears.

Finally  our three gifts , your heritage  , your passion for soccer ( football)  your talent and the pride you  had in playing the game well.. your England Shirt  with  your number 7- the number you  always played :

I ran from the office , back to  your old room , the bear actually  was with  me anyway. I  gathered the Viking Ship  , and the shirt, that still smelled of you  and went back across the alley  to  the place of disgrace. I handed the items over , I  am sure they  thought I  was mad.  BUT: I DIDN’T CARE WHAT THEY  THOUGHT – YOU  WERE MY  CHILD!!!

I knew that at least we had to try and I had to try to give to you what I could – to send your body from this dimension with love. Did those cretins of the cremains (THE LOMBARDIS) honestly believe I would let you go without honoring you and being involved in your goodbye? You were and are MY son I gave you life , I loved you in life , in death and now.

 

I came back home across the alleyway that separates the funeral home from our house, knowing that Chris’s body was just a few yards away that December 11th morning to my gentle mother broken even more as she heard what was happening- to a husband who was destroyed by the news they had denied his own goodbye (

Nikki who was full of anger,grief and questions

Chris’s cremation was tentatively scheduled for the 13th of December- so for 72 hours we waited- holding our breath – dreading the phone to ring- waiting – knowing that once again we were being collectively culled from anything to do with our son, brother grandson and nephew- the child , boy and man we so loved.

I watched through my own pain the pain, the desolation caused by Angela and her collective cohorts – what this did to the rest of my family. And I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt Chris would NOT have wanted this emotional torture visited upon us.

On the 14th we were told Chris had been cremated- As I got off the phone that morning my mother was coming down the stairs- she looked at me- her lovely little gentle face afraid , eyes full of tears and said

“Oh no! what has happened now has she changed her mind? They aren’t going to bury him after all are they – Loraine you can’t let that happen- why are they doing this

I said

No! Chris has been cremated

and a 91-year-old sank to her knees on my living room floor in relief , sobs wracking her little body- this same little wonderful Nana -Chris had so loved – hurt in such a way – No! this is not what Chris would have wanted and Angela certainly did not honour him by causing his much-loved Nana such torment.

I cannot adequately describe those 72 hours, words fail me.

How Angela could have a few days earlier received a hug from that Nana who thanked her for her decisions for cremation and sharing the ashes, allowing closure in our way too- how Angela could then dismiss that face and that love from her mind as she wrote those words that would just add to the pain and suffering of his Nana is beyond my comprehension?

So on the 11th Day came the beginning of the beginning as I started to take back ownership of my grief and who my son was and the consequences of what happens when a mother and family are denied closure – when closure does not happen and a wound festers and bleeds still…………………“first do no harm”- the harm has been done AND THEIR LAST PARTING SHOT WAS NO ONE THOUGHT TO  TELL US WHERE AND WHEN HIS CREMAINS WERE BEING BURIED. 

To be continued as he continues

 

November 3rd- NO LIMITS- Chapter 34- Chris Ritchey

 

 

 

NO  LIMITS

Forward: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/01/02/jan-3rd-no-limits-the-forward-chris-ritchey/

Chapter One :https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/02/03/feb-3rd-no-limits-chapter-1-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Two:https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/03/03/march-3rd-no-limits-

Chapter Three: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/04/03/april-3rd-no-limits-chapt-3-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Four: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/05/03/no-limits-chapter-4-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Five: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/06/03/june-3rd-no-limits-chapter-5-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Six: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/07/03/july-3rd-no-limits-chapter-6-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Seven: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/08/03/august-3rd-no-limits-chapter7-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Eight: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/09/03/sept-3rd-no-limits-chapter-8-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Nine: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/10/03/oct-3rd-no-limits-chapter-9-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Ten: NO LIMITS- Nov 3rd- Chapter 10- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Eleven: NO LIMITS-Dec. 3rd- Chris Ritchey- Chapter 11 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Twelve: NO LIMITS-Jan 3rd- Chris Ritchey- Chapter 12 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Thirteen : NO LIMITS- FEB 3rd- Chris Ritchey- Chapter 13 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Fourteen: March 3rd, NO LIMITS, Chapter 14- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Fifteen: April 3rd- No Limits- Chapter 15- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Sixteen: May 3rd – No Limits- Chapter 16- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Seventeen: June 3rd-No Limits-Chris Ritchey-Chapter 17 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Eighteen: July 3rd – NO LIMITS- Chapter 18-Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Nineteen: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2021/08/03/august-3rd-no-limits-chapter-19-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2021/09/03/september-3rd-no-limits-chapter20-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty One:  https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2021/10/03/october-3rd-no-limits-chapter-21-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty Two : https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2021/11/03/nov-3rd-no-limits-chapter-22-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty Three: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2021/12/03/dec-3rd-no-limits-chapt-23-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty Four: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/01/03/january-3rd-no-limits-chapter-24-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty  Five: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/02/03/february-3rd-no-limits-chapter-25-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty Six https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/03/03/march-3rd-no-limits-chapter-26-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty Seven https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/04/03/april-3rd-no-limits-chapter-27-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty Eight: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/05/03/may-3rd-no-limits-chapter-28-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty Nine: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/06/03/june-3rd-no-limits-chapter-29-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Thirty: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/07/03/july-3rd-no-limits-chapter-30-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Thirty-One: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/08/03/august-3rd-no-limits-chapter-31-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Thirty Two: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/09/03/september-3rd-chapter-32-no-limits-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Thirty  Three : https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/10/03/october-3rd-no-limits-chapter-33-chris-ritchey/

EMOTIONAL  INCONTINENCE

artwork Chris Ritchey

Emotions ran riot in those hours after Chris passed, pummeled by disbelief,  anger, physical pain, gut-wrenching sobs breaking the silence, sheer agony, feeling so lost, no source of comfort except a little toy  bear given to me by  my  son. The smell of my son  still on his shirt.

The funeral home: I tried as hard as  I could to  go  across that alley way  from my  back  garden to  the funeral home parking lot. I stood at the gate unable to  move. Thoughts  bombarding me , after the  “arrangement visit at the funeral home” I knew I  didn’t trust myself.  Their way  was not our way , I  knew I would be a red flag to  the “bull ( cow)” of Sue Lombardi, it was better I  stayed with  the baby  for my  own sanity.

Artwork Chris Ritchey

The Lombardis, had agreed to  the cremation at that making of the arrangement meeting  ( less than 20  hours after Chris  drew his last breath), Thanks to my  son in law over riding Sue Lomabardi’s desire to   have his ( or a )  coffin to  decorate.

IF HE IS TO BE CREMATED AND NO  COFFIN WHAT WILL WE DECORATE” 

 

 

My poor daughter , who  just the day  before had lost her brother  came home from that meeting broken and also angry

” How can they  be so  cruel, Angela just sat there, Sue ran the show- because that is what it was mum – all show-  Sue  wanting him in the ground just so she could decorate his coffin!”

Thankfully  Jim mentioned how when he drove Chris to  Houston  Chris had told him if anything should ever happen , as he shoveled down his throat  more of the pain killing  drugs, He wanted to  be cremated and thrown into  the Grand Canyon!

It was decided  Chris’ ashes would be divided , Angela, his wife  of course for her goodbye and closure, Nikki , as his sister and a trip  to  the Grand Canyon and a portion for his dad and me for our farewell.

The fact  my little family, who  did attend,   were told as Sue expanded on her  wishes  with  how the funeral arrangement should be handled and Nikki  interjected…. and was dismissed with  a wave of the hand , and the statement ,

” it was not “their” wishes ( meaning Nikki  and Jim and our family)  it would be Lombardi’s  wishes that were important…..( the bride and her mother)

I cannot begin to  tell you  how that news effected me. I knew then I  couldn’t go  24 hours later to  the funeral home .As it turned out  it was just as well I didn’t – The ME that was raw and not in control of her emotions  would not have gone quietly  into  that place: Anger would have reared its head, the only  emotion that was allowing me to stand upright. 

I wrote an open letter a few months later,  when people felt comfortable telling me what had happened at that funeral home visitation,  as mentioned in the last chapter, to Sue Lombardi: excerpt here

An open letter – “Mama Sue” Lombardi

Apparently , you took it upon yourself to assail some of the people who came to pay their condolences at the “visitation” planned by you and yours as to MY reasoning for not being there – Sue you said:

“Can you believe it, his own mother isn’t even here! She boycotted the funeral because it wasn’t done her way!”

“You cannot believe what we have had to put up with”

AND

“Yes, she’s an UNNATURAL mother.”

I am perplexed as to your apparent lack humanity and feelings toward those that grieve especially another mother.

You see YOU and yours stood by my son’s bed in his final moments, leaving no room for his own father …. it wasn’t even given to me to look at the face of my husband as our child died but that of YOUR husband.

And HOW he could have looked into my eyes as my son drew his last breath and see what I KNOW he saw in those eyes as I looked up into “HIS face” and then HE enabled YOU and his daughter to take from us our closure sickens and makes me question even his humanity– certainly compassion was and is absent!

My husband, who tried so hard, three times to stay in that place of mourning at YOUR visitation . The prancing about and smiling by your other daughter in front of his son’s photo and no tears shed drove him away , the fact YOU had complained

“what are we going to decorate”

when you found out there would be no casket, sickened him as he gazed on the receiving line of grief as he thought of your concern for decorating as being paramount.

It was more than he could do to stay but he tried – he felt there was no honor in your attitude toward his son.

Your stoney face and holier than thou stance finally took its toll on him – he was brought back home for good. And it seems he was right, as you had other things more important than honoring his son, criticizing and insulting me was first and foremost apparently. ”

“CAN YOU BELIEVE ……”

YOU were witness to the most private , personal, poignant and heartbreaking moments between a mother and her dying child.

YOU stood there with your relief ( because it was relief I saw in your face )- a mother’s relief that your daughter wouldn’t have to be dealing with an invalid) waiting and hovering like some black crow over its carrion .

How COULD YOU ? as a mother who watched as another mother saw her child die – the most emotionally terrifying moment any mother can face – the unbearable pain that comes with those final moments as your child slips from this realm. HOW COULD YOU?

After witnessing that moment then HOW COULD YOU? decide 3 days later it is appropriate later to tell anyone who would listen “your thoughts of her“ as they came to grieve for the child she brought into this world and watched leave –

E. Munch- 1895

All the while I was trying to  process  what was happening in my  world,  I  was flashing back  to  my  nightmares and premonitions of this happening all  those months before. It had come to  pass  – my  premotions were true, the nightmare was true! Only,  I  couldn’t  wake up  from that nightmare ,it was unfolding all around me .  I was seemingly  watching from afar  as events  repeated themselves in reality. And if possible the worse insult was  yet to  come.

To  be continued :

 

October 3rd- NO LIMITS – Chapter 33 – Chris Ritchey

NO LIMITS

Forward: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/01/02/jan-3rd-no-limits-the-forward-chris-ritchey/

Chapter One :https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/02/03/feb-3rd-no-limits-chapter-1-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Two:https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/03/03/march-3rd-no-limits-

Chapter Three: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/04/03/april-3rd-no-limits-chapt-3-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Four: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/05/03/no-limits-chapter-4-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Five: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/06/03/june-3rd-no-limits-chapter-5-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Six: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/07/03/july-3rd-no-limits-chapter-6-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Seven: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/08/03/august-3rd-no-limits-chapter7-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Eight: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/09/03/sept-3rd-no-limits-chapter-8-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Nine: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/10/03/oct-3rd-no-limits-chapter-9-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Ten: NO LIMITS- Nov 3rd- Chapter 10- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Eleven: NO LIMITS-Dec. 3rd- Chris Ritchey- Chapter 11 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Twelve: NO LIMITS-Jan 3rd- Chris Ritchey- Chapter 12 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Thirteen : NO LIMITS- FEB 3rd- Chris Ritchey- Chapter 13 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Fourteen: March 3rd, NO LIMITS, Chapter 14- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Fifteen: April 3rd- No Limits- Chapter 15- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Sixteen: May 3rd – No Limits- Chapter 16- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Seventeen: June 3rd-No Limits-Chris Ritchey-Chapter 17 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Eighteen: July 3rd – NO LIMITS- Chapter 18-Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Nineteen: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2021/08/03/august-3rd-no-limits-chapter-19-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2021/09/03/september-3rd-no-limits-chapter20-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty One:  https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2021/10/03/october-3rd-no-limits-chapter-21-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty Two : https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2021/11/03/nov-3rd-no-limits-chapter-22-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty Three: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2021/12/03/dec-3rd-no-limits-chapt-23-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty Four: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/01/03/january-3rd-no-limits-chapter-24-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty  Five: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/02/03/february-3rd-no-limits-chapter-25-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty Six https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/03/03/march-3rd-no-limits-chapter-26-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty Seven https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/04/03/april-3rd-no-limits-chapter-27-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty Eight: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/05/03/may-3rd-no-limits-chapter-28-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty Nine: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/06/03/june-3rd-no-limits-chapter-29-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Thirty: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/07/03/july-3rd-no-limits-chapter-30-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Thirty-One: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/08/03/august-3rd-no-limits-chapter-31-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Thirty Two: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/09/03/september-3rd-chapter-32-no-limits-chris-ritchey/

“On pain of death” – Gutless Mother …..

The days of the ” taking leave ” all went horribly  wrong……the pain caused by  a family  I  hardly  knew – Lombardis and how they   made Chris’ family’s pain and heart break so  much  worse  was not to  be borne, in fact I  couldn’t bear it.

What I will say to you , all of you , is that I could have stopped the pain inflicted after his death caused by those that supposedly loved and cared for my son.

I could have stopped all that has happened since his death IF I HADN’T BEEN SO GUTLESS!

Chris and I had an honest relationship. Oh! sometimes a heated, and very vocal relationship- he was after all “my” son. Sometimes we needed those “bouts of heat” to get to the real issue, to draw out what was really the problem. However, no matter how heated our points of view became, we always came back to laughter and understanding of each other. He was part of me and his heritage in more ways than one.

Now to my dilemma – In my heart of hearts I knew that Chris should be making some decisions- I had a bad feeling about what the next weeks would bring.

One night I lay awake all night trying to decide what to do , I decided to find a time in the day where I would talk to Chris but I couldn’t.

C. J. Hodge “Turning Away” permission
www.artknowledgenews.com

How do you approach your son who had just turned 29 , who was fighting for survival and living on the thin thread of hope of a clinical trial drug and say

What do you want , what would be your wishes should you die?

 

How could I? how could I see his face as his “mum” asked such a question? Me, who was trying her damnedest to give him hope after the news he had very little unless the SGN 35 worked and he could tolerate its side effects, and for how long?

Try as I might I just couldn’t do it. I couldn’t, for once in his life, be open and forthright with him. I thought there might be time, time after the results that I knew would be good- you see I watched the tumors on his neck shrink. I knew that when that cough stopped after the 21st of September that the SGN 35 was working. I watched my son with the eyes of a mother.

And because I couldn’t bring myself to have the “death discussion” with Chris a person who had the “legal right” ( enabled by her family)  Angela , had exercised that right which has caused my family such a world of hurt .

I didn’t have Chris wishes in writing, NO ONE DID!!!!

I gave her her due and her way (that is not mine ) of saying “goodbye” only a week later to be denied ours.

Decorations by Lombardi (Vyka etc. )and Company

I am sure Chris trusted his bride and his family to use the love they had for him in a way that would help healing.

That didn’t happen because I was a “gutless wonder”

If there is a lesson to be learned here, please don’t trust that your final wishes would be what you wanted.
MAKE YOUR DECISIONS, MAKE THEM IN WRITING, AND MAKE THEM KNOWN, SIGN YOUR NAME!

There are no niceties in death and for some of us there was a great wickedness enabled by a mother’s cowardice.

I retreated in a world closed off by  tears  , no  sounds came through  that veil but the sounds of sobbing…..I somehow knew that it was coming from me. The funeral meeting has been held , I  stayed home with  my  broken husband and Nikki’s baby. It wasn’t until  afterwards anyone told me what had happened .  I wrote on this blog  an OPEN LETTER TO SUE LOMBARDI 

“I read Chris’s Obituary on Saturday in the local paper. Was this my wonderful young man whose life was put into so many cents a line? Was this MY Chris – I could not let that be the last words written about my son so I composed a letter which I hope will be a more fitting epitaph to one whose passing has broken a mother’s, father’s and sister’s heart.
The Unbearable Pain of Being

I read my son’s obituary Saturday – a few lines describing a young man who was so much more than a husband, brother, friend , hunter, sportsman and employee.

Chris’ last 22 months on this earth found him on the cruelest of journeys, one fraught with hope turned to despair on almost a daily basis in the last days. My son bore this cruelty with a strength of character and body that even I, his mother, found remarkable.

But before the Cancer , there was  another life-one of great happiness – He was funny , sometimes “dark” in his humour, he did not suffer fools gladly .

He and his sister shared a remarkable bond – almost twin like- they would take on the world together . When he was young it was his sister who stood up to the bullies and any adversity and when he grew he supported her and fought with her any battles that came their way.

Christopher had a temper, one he shared with his mother, I understood his temper as we both shared the same “trigger mechanism”.

He knew he was loved and he loved in return. He would buy a Christmas or birthday present and then not able to wait until the day for you to see it – he would have to show it to you right then and there.

Yes, he in his short life touched so many hearts , so many people- accomplishments on the soccer field,

starting the LCCC Club Soccer program after graduating High School- coaching training camps for young players. He received numerous scholarships for soccer and his artistic talent . He received two Cleveland Addy awards in his short career with Wyse Advertising . He would have been one of the best had his life not been cut short.

His friends know how special he was – he had some truly wonderful friends and I believe he too was a good friend.

I said goodbye to my son last Thursday – but my heart has not been able to let him go – he was one of the only reasons for being – I ache for him – I look for him- I cry for him – my son who was so very much more than a few paragraphs in an Obit column-

He was- Chris – a multi-faceted personality who gave us incredible joy and love and expected nothing in return .

I will see him on the street signs in our neighborhood, the logos, the television commercials he worked on, Settlers’ Watch – the Welcome to Lorain Booth at the Port. And my heart is sore pained within me because I will no longer hear his voice, see his smile or feel his strength.

My life has been broken in two – my happiness wrenched from me with the death of my child, my son , words cannot convey the crushing depth of my sadness, the void that cries to be filled and the torrents of tears that I shed that bring no relief.

I penned that Obit to  be read at   the “memorial service” How could I  break out  my  closed off world , crippled emotionally.

How because I was ANGRY !

Angry  at the lies, angry  at people who  had no  kindness of thought for the family  who loved Chris and still love him.  It was anger that cause me to  be upright and it is anger that  gave me strength………

To  be continued.

September 3rd- Chapter 32- NO LIMITS-Chris Ritchey

 

 

 

NO LIMITS

Forward: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/01/02/jan-3rd-no-limits-the-forward-chris-ritchey/

Chapter One :https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/02/03/feb-3rd-no-limits-chapter-1-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Two:https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/03/03/march-3rd-no-limits-

Chapter Three: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/04/03/april-3rd-no-limits-chapt-3-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Four: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/05/03/no-limits-chapter-4-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Five: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/06/03/june-3rd-no-limits-chapter-5-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Six: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/07/03/july-3rd-no-limits-chapter-6-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Seven: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/08/03/august-3rd-no-limits-chapter7-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Eight: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/09/03/sept-3rd-no-limits-chapter-8-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Nine: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/10/03/oct-3rd-no-limits-chapter-9-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Ten: NO LIMITS- Nov 3rd- Chapter 10- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Eleven: NO LIMITS-Dec. 3rd- Chris Ritchey- Chapter 11 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Twelve: NO LIMITS-Jan 3rd- Chris Ritchey- Chapter 12 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Thirteen : NO LIMITS- FEB 3rd- Chris Ritchey- Chapter 13 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Fourteen: March 3rd, NO LIMITS, Chapter 14- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Fifteen: April 3rd- No Limits- Chapter 15- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Sixteen: May 3rd – No Limits- Chapter 16- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Seventeen: June 3rd-No Limits-Chris Ritchey-Chapter 17 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Eighteen: July 3rd – NO LIMITS- Chapter 18-Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Nineteen: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2021/08/03/august-3rd-no-limits-chapter-19-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2021/09/03/september-3rd-no-limits-chapter20-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty One:  https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2021/10/03/october-3rd-no-limits-chapter-21-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty Two : https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2021/11/03/nov-3rd-no-limits-chapter-22-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty Three: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2021/12/03/dec-3rd-no-limits-chapt-23-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty Four: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/01/03/january-3rd-no-limits-chapter-24-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty  Five: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/02/03/february-3rd-no-limits-chapter-25-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty Six https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/03/03/march-3rd-no-limits-chapter-26-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty Seven https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/04/03/april-3rd-no-limits-chapter-27-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty Eight: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/05/03/may-3rd-no-limits-chapter-28-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty Nine: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/06/03/june-3rd-no-limits-chapter-29-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Thirty: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/07/03/july-3rd-no-limits-chapter-30-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Thirty-One: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/08/03/august-3rd-no-limits-chapter-31-chris-ritchey/

The days of death

David Eagleman is a neuroscientist, bestselling author, and Guggenheim Fellow. Dr. Eagleman’s areas of research include sensory substitution, time perception, vision, and synesthesia. He also studies the intersection of neuroscience with the legal system, and in that capacity he directs the non-profit Center for Science and Law. Eagleman is the writer and presenter of The Brain, an Emmy-nominated television series on PBS and BBC. He is the author of 8 books, including Livewired, The Runaway Species, The Brain, Incognito, and Wednesday is Indigo Blue. He is also the author of a widely adopted textbook on cognitive neuroscience, Brain and Behavior. His internationally bestselling book of literary fiction, SUM, has been translated into 32 languages https://profiles.stanford.edu/david-eagleman

David Eagleman https://eagleman.com in his book Sum states:

We actually die three times. We die the first time when our breath leaves our body. We die the second time when our loved ones return our body to the ground. And the third death, and final death, is a moment, sometime in the future, when our name is spoken for the last time.

As my  son  spent days dying  so  did I , every  hour was sheer torture and the days following his final breath saw me dying inside, losing  me,  losing a grip  on reality,  not knowing where I  was, what had happened.

All of a sudden I  was back in my  home,  the hospital left behind, the home where Chris had grown up, reminders of him everywhere .

Misty  , Chris’ dog. excited to  see us after all these days  away  ran to  greet us, ignorant at her  master’s death, her happiness was almost crushing.  I think someone must have let her out .  And then we were alone , a mother and a father  without their son.

I was so  cold,  shivering , I couldn’t stop  shaking . My  husband  wandered the rooms , sitting , getting up sitting again, Lost!!!  Finally  he noticed I  was shivering and shaking , he said

I will light a fire 

and he went out the den door to  get some firewood. Eventually,  he came back  with  a rose , the last rose from the garden  and put it in my  hands, it too was cold.  As he opened the fireplace doors to  put in the kindling  he let out the most awful sound, a wail , guttural cry  and choking  all combined, and fell to  his knees . I couldn’t move to  help  him and  Misty  hearing this awful cry  came to  him and lay  down nuzzling his body  trying to  get under him to  get him up.

I truly  thought he is choking on grief and there is nothing I  can do  , I  can’t move. 

I don’t know how long we stayed in that dark place , finally  exhaustion overcame us I  suppose. I really  don’t remember but I too  wandered about the house finally ending up in Chris’ old room, now decorated to hold guests and spied the little Harrods Bear he gave me when he returned from a soccer tournament in England. He had sat on his little perch for  years dusted but ignored for the most part. I had thought of eventually giving him ( with his little England shirt) to my new grandson.

I picked up the little 10 inch soft cuddly bear and pressed him like a compress to my heart, trying  to stop the pain that threatened to burst forth from me at any moment . I couldn’t put him down

. Somehow I  was aware that in the morning  we were expected to  go  to  the funeral home to  discuss  arrangements.

Nikki  had managed, much to Sue Lombardi’s annoyance,  to  have Chris’ body  taken to  the funeral home behind our house . The same funeral home where as a child he rode his bike in their parking lot, whose family  he had known all his life, whose daughter  baby sat him,  wonderful caring people. He was just  300 feet away  and yet not home , never coming home  and I  couldn’t reach  him.

I couldn’t go  to  that funeral home meeting , I couldn’t even stand up for any length  of time  let alone  walk. I never wanted to  see the Lombardis ever again . I  also  knew that whatever I  said they  would be  wanting to  do  the opposite , my  husband was in no  shape to  deal  with  them, they  who  seemingly  wanted this all “Done and Dusted”- over and done with  a quick as possible .

In the end we stayed with  the baby, Nikki, Jim and my  mum and brother-in law walked over to  the Funeral Home.  I was right in my  thinking Sue Lombardi  wanted a “big show….

I was petrified that  they  would ignore our beliefs  and put Chris in one of the silk lined, Cadillac  of caskets with  chrome handles  to  be buried , to  rot away  for decades,    after being drained of his blood,( more damned needles), things stuck into  orifices’ to  stop  leaks,  making him look presentable for a receiving line of grief and some curiosity, coffee and cakes in the anteroom. I couldn’t bear the thought of my  beautiful son turning into anaerobic sludge

An airtight coffin, for example, may foster decomposition by anaerobic bacteria, which results in a putrefied liquification of the body; all putrefied tissue would remain inside the container, only to be exposed in the event of an exhumation

It is the American way  I  know and that is fine if that is your culture  and of your beliefs

but it is and was NOT  our way and Chris was of our culture and beliefs not  the Lombardis and he hated  the rituals at the cemetery  they  did for the nephew and cousin. His name was Ritchey  not Lombardi. 

I begged my  son-in-law to  speak for Chris . You  see I  knew he and Chris had discussed things when they  drove back  to  Houston. He wanted to  be cremated  as it is our way  and his…..

My  understanding was that the Lombardis had  the floor and  Sue Lombardi  was against cremation ..

But  if there is no  casket what are we going to  decorate 

 

And there you  have it my  wonderful son the star of her funeral celebration…………

The wedding casket……… for that all important money was all I  could think of…… as I was told those words …..