Posts tagged ‘grief’

November 3rd- NO LIMITS- Chapter 34- Chris Ritchey

 

 

 

NO  LIMITS

Forward: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/01/02/jan-3rd-no-limits-the-forward-chris-ritchey/

Chapter One :https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/02/03/feb-3rd-no-limits-chapter-1-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Two:https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/03/03/march-3rd-no-limits-

Chapter Three: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/04/03/april-3rd-no-limits-chapt-3-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Four: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/05/03/no-limits-chapter-4-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Five: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/06/03/june-3rd-no-limits-chapter-5-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Six: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/07/03/july-3rd-no-limits-chapter-6-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Seven: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/08/03/august-3rd-no-limits-chapter7-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Eight: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/09/03/sept-3rd-no-limits-chapter-8-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Nine: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/10/03/oct-3rd-no-limits-chapter-9-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Ten: NO LIMITS- Nov 3rd- Chapter 10- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Eleven: NO LIMITS-Dec. 3rd- Chris Ritchey- Chapter 11 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Twelve: NO LIMITS-Jan 3rd- Chris Ritchey- Chapter 12 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Thirteen : NO LIMITS- FEB 3rd- Chris Ritchey- Chapter 13 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Fourteen: March 3rd, NO LIMITS, Chapter 14- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Fifteen: April 3rd- No Limits- Chapter 15- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Sixteen: May 3rd – No Limits- Chapter 16- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Seventeen: June 3rd-No Limits-Chris Ritchey-Chapter 17 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Eighteen: July 3rd – NO LIMITS- Chapter 18-Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Nineteen: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2021/08/03/august-3rd-no-limits-chapter-19-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2021/09/03/september-3rd-no-limits-chapter20-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty One:  https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2021/10/03/october-3rd-no-limits-chapter-21-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty Two : https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2021/11/03/nov-3rd-no-limits-chapter-22-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty Three: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2021/12/03/dec-3rd-no-limits-chapt-23-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty Four: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/01/03/january-3rd-no-limits-chapter-24-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty  Five: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/02/03/february-3rd-no-limits-chapter-25-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty Six https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/03/03/march-3rd-no-limits-chapter-26-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty Seven https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/04/03/april-3rd-no-limits-chapter-27-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty Eight: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/05/03/may-3rd-no-limits-chapter-28-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty Nine: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/06/03/june-3rd-no-limits-chapter-29-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Thirty: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/07/03/july-3rd-no-limits-chapter-30-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Thirty-One: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/08/03/august-3rd-no-limits-chapter-31-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Thirty Two: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/09/03/september-3rd-chapter-32-no-limits-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Thirty  Three : https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/10/03/october-3rd-no-limits-chapter-33-chris-ritchey/

EMOTIONAL  INCONTINENCE

artwork Chris Ritchey

Emotions ran riot in those hours after Chris passed, pummeled by disbelief,  anger, physical pain, gut-wrenching sobs breaking the silence, sheer agony, feeling so lost, no source of comfort except a little toy  bear given to me by  my  son. The smell of my son  still on his shirt.

The funeral home: I tried as hard as  I could to  go  across that alley way  from my  back  garden to  the funeral home parking lot. I stood at the gate unable to  move. Thoughts  bombarding me , after the  “arrangement visit at the funeral home” I knew I  didn’t trust myself.  Their way  was not our way , I  knew I would be a red flag to  the “bull ( cow)” of Sue Lombardi, it was better I  stayed with  the baby  for my  own sanity.

Artwork Chris Ritchey

The Lombardis, had agreed to  the cremation at that making of the arrangement meeting  ( less than 20  hours after Chris  drew his last breath), Thanks to my  son in law over riding Sue Lomabardi’s desire to   have his ( or a )  coffin to  decorate.

IF HE IS TO BE CREMATED AND NO  COFFIN WHAT WILL WE DECORATE” 

 

 

My poor daughter , who  just the day  before had lost her brother  came home from that meeting broken and also angry

” How can they  be so  cruel, Angela just sat there, Sue ran the show- because that is what it was mum – all show-  Sue  wanting him in the ground just so she could decorate his coffin!”

Thankfully  Jim mentioned how when he drove Chris to  Houston  Chris had told him if anything should ever happen , as he shoveled down his throat  more of the pain killing  drugs, He wanted to  be cremated and thrown into  the Grand Canyon!

It was decided  Chris’ ashes would be divided , Angela, his wife  of course for her goodbye and closure, Nikki , as his sister and a trip  to  the Grand Canyon and a portion for his dad and me for our farewell.

The fact  my little family, who  did attend,   were told as Sue expanded on her  wishes  with  how the funeral arrangement should be handled and Nikki  interjected…. and was dismissed with  a wave of the hand , and the statement ,

” it was not “their” wishes ( meaning Nikki  and Jim and our family)  it would be Lombardi’s  wishes that were important…..( the bride and her mother)

I cannot begin to  tell you  how that news effected me. I knew then I  couldn’t go  24 hours later to  the funeral home .As it turned out  it was just as well I didn’t – The ME that was raw and not in control of her emotions  would not have gone quietly  into  that place: Anger would have reared its head, the only  emotion that was allowing me to stand upright. 

I wrote an open letter a few months later,  when people felt comfortable telling me what had happened at that funeral home visitation,  as mentioned in the last chapter, to Sue Lombardi: excerpt here

An open letter – “Mama Sue” Lombardi

Apparently , you took it upon yourself to assail some of the people who came to pay their condolences at the “visitation” planned by you and yours as to MY reasoning for not being there – Sue you said:

“Can you believe it, his own mother isn’t even here! She boycotted the funeral because it wasn’t done her way!”

“You cannot believe what we have had to put up with”

AND

“Yes, she’s an UNNATURAL mother.”

I am perplexed as to your apparent lack humanity and feelings toward those that grieve especially another mother.

You see YOU and yours stood by my son’s bed in his final moments, leaving no room for his own father …. it wasn’t even given to me to look at the face of my husband as our child died but that of YOUR husband.

And HOW he could have looked into my eyes as my son drew his last breath and see what I KNOW he saw in those eyes as I looked up into “HIS face” and then HE enabled YOU and his daughter to take from us our closure sickens and makes me question even his humanity– certainly compassion was and is absent!

My husband, who tried so hard, three times to stay in that place of mourning at YOUR visitation . The prancing about and smiling by your other daughter in front of his son’s photo and no tears shed drove him away , the fact YOU had complained

“what are we going to decorate”

when you found out there would be no casket, sickened him as he gazed on the receiving line of grief as he thought of your concern for decorating as being paramount.

It was more than he could do to stay but he tried – he felt there was no honor in your attitude toward his son.

Your stoney face and holier than thou stance finally took its toll on him – he was brought back home for good. And it seems he was right, as you had other things more important than honoring his son, criticizing and insulting me was first and foremost apparently

“CAN YOU BELIEVE ……”

YOU were witness to the most private , personal, poignant and heartbreaking moments between a mother and her dying child.

YOU stood there with your relief ( because it was relief I saw in your face )- a mother’s relief that your daughter wouldn’t have to be dealing with an invalid) waiting and hovering like some black crow over its carrion .

How COULD YOU ? as a mother who watched as another mother saw her child die – the most emotionally terrifying moment any mother can face – the unbearable pain that comes with those final moments as your child slips from this realm. HOW COULD YOU?

After witnessing that moment then HOW COULD YOU? decide 3 days later it is appropriate later to tell anyone who would listen “your thoughts of her as they came to grieve for the child she brought into this world and watched leave –

E. Munch- 1895

All the while I was trying to  process  what was happening in my  world,  I  was flashing back  to  my  nightmares and premonitions of this happening all  those months before. It had come to  pass  – my  premotions were true, the nightmare was true! Only,  I  couldn’t  wake up  from that nightmare ,it was unfolding all around me .  I was seemingly  watching from afar  as events  repeated themselves in reality. And if possible the worse insult was  yet to  come.

To  be continued :

 

November 3, 2022 at 9:42 am 2 comments

October 3rd- NO LIMITS – Chapter 33 – Chris Ritchey

NO LIMITS

Forward: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/01/02/jan-3rd-no-limits-the-forward-chris-ritchey/

Chapter One :https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/02/03/feb-3rd-no-limits-chapter-1-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Two:https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/03/03/march-3rd-no-limits-

Chapter Three: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/04/03/april-3rd-no-limits-chapt-3-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Four: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/05/03/no-limits-chapter-4-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Five: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/06/03/june-3rd-no-limits-chapter-5-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Six: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/07/03/july-3rd-no-limits-chapter-6-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Seven: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/08/03/august-3rd-no-limits-chapter7-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Eight: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/09/03/sept-3rd-no-limits-chapter-8-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Nine: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/10/03/oct-3rd-no-limits-chapter-9-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Ten: NO LIMITS- Nov 3rd- Chapter 10- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Eleven: NO LIMITS-Dec. 3rd- Chris Ritchey- Chapter 11 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Twelve: NO LIMITS-Jan 3rd- Chris Ritchey- Chapter 12 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Thirteen : NO LIMITS- FEB 3rd- Chris Ritchey- Chapter 13 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Fourteen: March 3rd, NO LIMITS, Chapter 14- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Fifteen: April 3rd- No Limits- Chapter 15- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Sixteen: May 3rd – No Limits- Chapter 16- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Seventeen: June 3rd-No Limits-Chris Ritchey-Chapter 17 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Eighteen: July 3rd – NO LIMITS- Chapter 18-Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Nineteen: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2021/08/03/august-3rd-no-limits-chapter-19-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2021/09/03/september-3rd-no-limits-chapter20-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty One:  https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2021/10/03/october-3rd-no-limits-chapter-21-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty Two : https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2021/11/03/nov-3rd-no-limits-chapter-22-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty Three: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2021/12/03/dec-3rd-no-limits-chapt-23-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty Four: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/01/03/january-3rd-no-limits-chapter-24-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty  Five: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/02/03/february-3rd-no-limits-chapter-25-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty Six https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/03/03/march-3rd-no-limits-chapter-26-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty Seven https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/04/03/april-3rd-no-limits-chapter-27-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty Eight: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/05/03/may-3rd-no-limits-chapter-28-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty Nine: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/06/03/june-3rd-no-limits-chapter-29-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Thirty: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/07/03/july-3rd-no-limits-chapter-30-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Thirty-One: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/08/03/august-3rd-no-limits-chapter-31-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Thirty Two: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/09/03/september-3rd-chapter-32-no-limits-chris-ritchey/

“On pain of death” – Gutless Mother …..

The days of the ” taking leave ” all went horribly  wrong……the pain caused by  a family  I  hardly  knew – Lombardis and how they   made Chris’ family’s pain and heart break so  much  worse  was not to  be borne, in fact I  couldn’t bear it.

What I will say to you , all of you , is that I could have stopped the pain inflicted after his death caused by those that supposedly loved and cared for my son.

I could have stopped all that has happened since his death IF I HADN’T BEEN SO GUTLESS!

Chris and I had an honest relationship. Oh! sometimes a heated, and very vocal relationship- he was after all “my” son. Sometimes we needed those “bouts of heat” to get to the real issue, to draw out what was really the problem. However, no matter how heated our points of view became, we always came back to laughter and understanding of each other. He was part of me and his heritage in more ways than one.

Now to my dilemma – In my heart of hearts I knew that Chris should be making some decisions- I had a bad feeling about what the next weeks would bring.

One night I lay awake all night trying to decide what to do , I decided to find a time in the day where I would talk to Chris but I couldn’t.


C. J. Hodge “Turning Away” permission
www.artknowledgenews.com

How do you approach your son who had just turned 29 , who was fighting for survival and living on the thin thread of hope of a clinical trial drug and say

What do you want , what would be your wishes should you die?

 

How could I? how could I see his face as his “mum” asked such a question? Me, who was trying her damnedest to give him hope after the news he had very little unless the SGN 35 worked and he could tolerate its side effects, and for how long?

Try as I might I just couldn’t do it. I couldn’t, for once in his life, be open and forthright with him. I thought there might be time, time after the results that I knew would be good- you see I watched the tumors on his neck shrink. I knew that when that cough stopped after the 21st of September that the SGN 35 was working. I watched my son with the eyes of a mother.

And because I couldn’t bring myself to have the “death discussion” with Chris a person who had the “legal right” ( enabled by her family)  Angela , had exercised that right which has caused my family such a world of hurt .

I didn’t have Chris wishes in writing, NO ONE DID!!!!

I gave her her due and her way (that is not mine ) of saying “goodbye” only a week later to be denied ours.

Decorations by Lombardi (Vyka etc. )and Company

I am sure Chris trusted his bride and his family to use the love they had for him in a way that would help healing.

That didn’t happen because I was a “gutless wonder”

If there is a lesson to be learned here, please don’t trust that your final wishes would be what you wanted.
MAKE YOUR DECISIONS, MAKE THEM IN WRITING, AND MAKE THEM KNOWN, SIGN YOUR NAME!

There are no niceties in death and for some of us there was a great wickedness enabled by a mother’s cowardice.

I retreated in a world closed off by  tears  , no  sounds came through  that veil but the sounds of sobbing…..I somehow knew that it was coming from me. The funeral meeting has been held , I  stayed home with  my  broken husband and Nikki’s baby. It wasn’t until  afterwards anyone told me what had happened .  I wrote on this blog  an OPEN LETTER TO SUE LOMBARDI 

“I read Chris’s Obituary on Saturday in the local paper. Was this my wonderful young man whose life was put into so many cents a line? Was this MY Chris – I could not let that be the last words written about my son so I composed a letter which I hope will be a more fitting epitaph to one whose passing has broken a mother’s, father’s and sister’s heart.
The Unbearable Pain of Being

I read my son’s obituary Saturday – a few lines describing a young man who was so much more than a husband, brother, friend , hunter, sportsman and employee.

Chris’ last 22 months on this earth found him on the cruelest of journeys, one fraught with hope turned to despair on almost a daily basis in the last days. My son bore this cruelty with a strength of character and body that even I, his mother, found remarkable.

But before the Cancer , there was  another life-one of great happiness – He was funny , sometimes “dark” in his humour, he did not suffer fools gladly .

He and his sister shared a remarkable bond – almost twin like- they would take on the world together . When he was young it was his sister who stood up to the bullies and any adversity and when he grew he supported her and fought with her any battles that came their way.

Christopher had a temper, one he shared with his mother, I understood his temper as we both shared the same “trigger mechanism”.

He knew he was loved and he loved in return. He would buy a Christmas or birthday present and then not able to wait until the day for you to see it – he would have to show it to you right then and there.

Yes, he in his short life touched so many hearts , so many people- accomplishments on the soccer field,

starting the LCCC Club Soccer program after graduating High School- coaching training camps for young players. He received numerous scholarships for soccer and his artistic talent . He received two Cleveland Addy awards in his short career with Wyse Advertising . He would have been one of the best had his life not been cut short.

His friends know how special he was – he had some truly wonderful friends and I believe he too was a good friend.

I said goodbye to my son last Thursday – but my heart has not been able to let him go – he was one of the only reasons for being – I ache for him – I look for him- I cry for him – my son who was so very much more than a few paragraphs in an Obit column-

He was- Chris – a multi-faceted personality who gave us incredible joy and love and expected nothing in return .

I will see him on the street signs in our neighborhood, the logos, the television commercials he worked on, Settlers’ Watch – the Welcome to Lorain Booth at the Port. And my heart is sore pained within me because I will no longer hear his voice, see his smile or feel his strength.

My life has been broken in two – my happiness wrenched from me with the death of my child, my son , words cannot convey the crushing depth of my sadness, the void that cries to be filled and the torrents of tears that I shed that bring no relief.

I penned that Obit to  be read at   the “memorial service” How could I  break out  my  closed off world , crippled emotionally.

How because I was ANGRY !

Angry  at the lies, angry  at people who  had no  kindness of thought for the family  who loved Chris and still love him.  It was anger that cause me to  be upright and it is anger that  gave me strength………

To  be continued.

October 3, 2022 at 3:45 pm Leave a comment

September 3rd- Chapter 32- NO LIMITS-Chris Ritchey

 

 

 

NO LIMITS

Forward: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/01/02/jan-3rd-no-limits-the-forward-chris-ritchey/

Chapter One :https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/02/03/feb-3rd-no-limits-chapter-1-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Two:https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/03/03/march-3rd-no-limits-

Chapter Three: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/04/03/april-3rd-no-limits-chapt-3-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Four: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/05/03/no-limits-chapter-4-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Five: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/06/03/june-3rd-no-limits-chapter-5-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Six: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/07/03/july-3rd-no-limits-chapter-6-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Seven: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/08/03/august-3rd-no-limits-chapter7-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Eight: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/09/03/sept-3rd-no-limits-chapter-8-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Nine: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/10/03/oct-3rd-no-limits-chapter-9-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Ten: NO LIMITS- Nov 3rd- Chapter 10- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Eleven: NO LIMITS-Dec. 3rd- Chris Ritchey- Chapter 11 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Twelve: NO LIMITS-Jan 3rd- Chris Ritchey- Chapter 12 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Thirteen : NO LIMITS- FEB 3rd- Chris Ritchey- Chapter 13 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Fourteen: March 3rd, NO LIMITS, Chapter 14- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Fifteen: April 3rd- No Limits- Chapter 15- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Sixteen: May 3rd – No Limits- Chapter 16- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Seventeen: June 3rd-No Limits-Chris Ritchey-Chapter 17 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Eighteen: July 3rd – NO LIMITS- Chapter 18-Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Nineteen: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2021/08/03/august-3rd-no-limits-chapter-19-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2021/09/03/september-3rd-no-limits-chapter20-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty One:  https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2021/10/03/october-3rd-no-limits-chapter-21-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty Two : https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2021/11/03/nov-3rd-no-limits-chapter-22-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty Three: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2021/12/03/dec-3rd-no-limits-chapt-23-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty Four: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/01/03/january-3rd-no-limits-chapter-24-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty  Five: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/02/03/february-3rd-no-limits-chapter-25-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty Six https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/03/03/march-3rd-no-limits-chapter-26-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty Seven https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/04/03/april-3rd-no-limits-chapter-27-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty Eight: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/05/03/may-3rd-no-limits-chapter-28-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty Nine: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/06/03/june-3rd-no-limits-chapter-29-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Thirty: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/07/03/july-3rd-no-limits-chapter-30-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Thirty-One: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/08/03/august-3rd-no-limits-chapter-31-chris-ritchey/

The days of death

David Eagleman is a neuroscientist, bestselling author, and Guggenheim Fellow. Dr. Eagleman’s areas of research include sensory substitution, time perception, vision, and synesthesia. He also studies the intersection of neuroscience with the legal system, and in that capacity he directs the non-profit Center for Science and Law. Eagleman is the writer and presenter of The Brain, an Emmy-nominated television series on PBS and BBC. He is the author of 8 books, including Livewired, The Runaway Species, The Brain, Incognito, and Wednesday is Indigo Blue. He is also the author of a widely adopted textbook on cognitive neuroscience, Brain and Behavior. His internationally bestselling book of literary fiction, SUM, has been translated into 32 languages https://profiles.stanford.edu/david-eagleman

David Eagleman https://eagleman.com in his book Sum states:

We actually die three times. We die the first time when our breath leaves our body. We die the second time when our loved ones return our body to the ground. And the third death, and final death, is a moment, sometime in the future, when our name is spoken for the last time.

As my  son  spent days dying  so  did I , every  hour was sheer torture and the days following his final breath saw me dying inside, losing  me,  losing a grip  on reality,  not knowing where I  was, what had happened.

All of a sudden I  was back in my  home,  the hospital left behind, the home where Chris had grown up, reminders of him everywhere .

Misty  , Chris’ dog. excited to  see us after all these days  away  ran to  greet us, ignorant at her  master’s death, her happiness was almost crushing.  I think someone must have let her out .  And then we were alone , a mother and a father  without their son.

I was so  cold,  shivering , I couldn’t stop  shaking . My  husband  wandered the rooms , sitting , getting up sitting again, Lost!!!  Finally  he noticed I  was shivering and shaking , he said

I will light a fire 

and he went out the den door to  get some firewood. Eventually,  he came back  with  a rose , the last rose from the garden  and put it in my  hands, it too was cold.  As he opened the fireplace doors to  put in the kindling  he let out the most awful sound, a wail , guttural cry  and choking  all combined, and fell to  his knees . I couldn’t move to  help  him and  Misty  hearing this awful cry  came to  him and lay  down nuzzling his body  trying to  get under him to  get him up.

I truly  thought he is choking on grief and there is nothing I  can do  , I  can’t move. 

I don’t know how long we stayed in that dark place , finally  exhaustion overcame us I  suppose. I really  don’t remember but I too  wandered about the house finally ending up in Chris’ old room, now decorated to hold guests and spied the little Harrods Bear he gave me when he returned from a soccer tournament in England. He had sat on his little perch for  years dusted but ignored for the most part. I had thought of eventually giving him ( with his little England shirt) to my new grandson.

I picked up the little 10 inch soft cuddly bear and pressed him like a compress to my heart, trying  to stop the pain that threatened to burst forth from me at any moment . I couldn’t put him down

. Somehow I  was aware that in the morning  we were expected to  go  to  the funeral home to  discuss  arrangements.

Nikki  had managed, much to Sue Lombardi’s annoyance,  to  have Chris’ body  taken to  the funeral home behind our house . The same funeral home where as a child he rode his bike in their parking lot, whose family  he had known all his life, whose daughter  baby sat him,  wonderful caring people. He was just  300 feet away  and yet not home , never coming home  and I  couldn’t reach  him.

I couldn’t go  to  that funeral home meeting , I couldn’t even stand up for any length  of time  let alone  walk. I never wanted to  see the Lombardis ever again . I  also  knew that whatever I  said they  would be  wanting to  do  the opposite , my  husband was in no  shape to  deal  with  them, they  who  seemingly  wanted this all “Done and Dusted”- over and done with  a quick as possible .

In the end we stayed with  the baby, Nikki, Jim and my  mum and brother-in law walked over to  the Funeral Home.  I was right in my  thinking Sue Lombardi  wanted a “big show….

I was petrified that  they  would ignore our beliefs  and put Chris in one of the silk lined, Cadillac  of caskets with  chrome handles  to  be buried , to  rot away  for decades,    after being drained of his blood,( more damned needles), things stuck into  orifices’ to  stop  leaks,  making him look presentable for a receiving line of grief and some curiosity, coffee and cakes in the anteroom. I couldn’t bear the thought of my  beautiful son turning into anaerobic sludge

An airtight coffin, for example, may foster decomposition by anaerobic bacteria, which results in a putrefied liquification of the body; all putrefied tissue would remain inside the container, only to be exposed in the event of an exhumation

It is the American way  I  know and that is fine if that is your culture  and of your beliefs

but it is and was NOT  our way and Chris was of our culture and beliefs not  the Lombardis and he hated  the rituals at the cemetery  they  did for the nephew and cousin. His name was Ritchey  not Lombardi. 

I begged my  son-in-law to  speak for Chris . You  see I  knew he and Chris had discussed things when they  drove back  to  Houston. He wanted to  be cremated  as it is our way  and his…..

My  understanding was that the Lombardis had  the floor and  Sue Lombardi  was against cremation ..

But  if there is no  casket what are we going to  decorate 

 

And there you  have it my  wonderful son the star of her funeral celebration…………

The wedding casket……… for that all important money was all I  could think of…… as I was told those words …..

September 3, 2022 at 11:44 am 3 comments

August 3rd -No Limits- Chapter 31 – Chris Ritchey

NO LIMITS

Forward: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/01/02/jan-3rd-no-limits-the-forward-chris-ritchey/

Chapter One :https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/02/03/feb-3rd-no-limits-chapter-1-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Two:https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/03/03/march-3rd-no-limits-

Chapter Three: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/04/03/april-3rd-no-limits-chapt-3-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Four: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/05/03/no-limits-chapter-4-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Five: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/06/03/june-3rd-no-limits-chapter-5-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Six: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/07/03/july-3rd-no-limits-chapter-6-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Seven: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/08/03/august-3rd-no-limits-chapter7-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Eight: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/09/03/sept-3rd-no-limits-chapter-8-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Nine: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/10/03/oct-3rd-no-limits-chapter-9-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Ten: NO LIMITS- Nov 3rd- Chapter 10- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Eleven: NO LIMITS-Dec. 3rd- Chris Ritchey- Chapter 11 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Twelve: NO LIMITS-Jan 3rd- Chris Ritchey- Chapter 12 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Thirteen : NO LIMITS- FEB 3rd- Chris Ritchey- Chapter 13 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Fourteen: March 3rd, NO LIMITS, Chapter 14- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Fifteen: April 3rd- No Limits- Chapter 15- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Sixteen: May 3rd – No Limits- Chapter 16- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Seventeen: June 3rd-No Limits-Chris Ritchey-Chapter 17 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Eighteen: July 3rd – NO LIMITS- Chapter 18-Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Nineteen: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2021/08/03/august-3rd-no-limits-chapter-19-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2021/09/03/september-3rd-no-limits-chapter20-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty One:  https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2021/10/03/october-3rd-no-limits-chapter-21-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty Two : https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2021/11/03/nov-3rd-no-limits-chapter-22-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty Three: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2021/12/03/dec-3rd-no-limits-chapt-23-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty Four: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/01/03/january-3rd-no-limits-chapter-24-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty  Five: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/02/03/february-3rd-no-limits-chapter-25-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty Six https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/03/03/march-3rd-no-limits-chapter-26-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty Seven https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/04/03/april-3rd-no-limits-chapter-27-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty Eight: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/05/03/may-3rd-no-limits-chapter-28-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty Nine: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/06/03/june-3rd-no-limits-chapter-29-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Thirty: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/07/03/july-3rd-no-limits-chapter-30-chris-ritchey/

The Transition

It is probably just as well we cannot remember our birthing process. The turmoil that a wee babe must go through, pushing out of their safe warm world,  after lulled before our journey   by the sounds of a mother’s heartbeat, struggling through a narrow constricting tunnel as we are squeezed and pushed,  with  pain,   into  a bright and cold world, strange noises that must assail our little ears and sense .

Is it any wonder we cry as we breathe our first?

And then there it is, we are laid on a soft warm breast and once again our mother’s heartbeat, reassuring in its lullaby of life,   confirms we are safe. Wrapped in softness we are held in the arms of our giver of life.  We shared that heartbeat, the DNA that made us who we are was shared for those 9 months  and crossed  through the placenta, give and take of the process of coming into being. Cells from the mother and the child are shared between and remain in a mother’s  body.  The process is called

Fetal-maternal microchimerism

 The placenta generally serves as a bridge between the fetus and the mother for exchange of nutrients and wastes. But that is not all that crosses this bridge—fetal and maternal cells can cross between the two organisms intact. While maternal cells do end up in the fetus, significantly more fetal cells are transferred to the mother. The result is that the mother carries a small number  of foreign cells belonging to her fetus within her body—hence the name “microchimerism.” While these non-maternal cells are few in number in comparison to total number of maternal cells, evidence suggests that these transplanted cells can actually remain for long after the end of gestation. In fact, derivative fetal cells have been found in the mother’s body up to 27 years ( if not more) after pregnancy. 

Fetal Microchimerism

It is a fact…. 

If you are of the religious persuasion “the essence” that makes me, ME  and you-YOU  and not just a clone being – sometimes  referred to  as the “soul” in those religious  doctrines .

I have listed just three religious beliefs about the “ensoulment of the child” , there are many  more but like all things in religion there doesn’t seem to  any  across the board agreement :

The soul enters the fetus at 120 days (4 months), as established by the Hadith. ( Radd al-Muhtar ala Durr al-Mukhtar 1/202) Thus, when the age of the unborn child reaches 120 days (4 months), it no longer remains a lifeless object; rather, it is a living human being. 

eshaykh.com/quran-tafsir/when-does-ruh-enter-fetus

https://www.catholic.com/magazine/print-edition/when-babies-get-their-souls

Aquinas was correct that the unborn receive their souls at conception; he was merely mistaken on when conception was finished, due to the science available. As modern medicine has shown, conception in humans occurs almost instantaneously, as soon as the sperm and the ovum unite. This may occur as soon as twenty minutes after the marital act. 

And those of the Jewish Faith have their own beliefs:

Most often in Jewish sacred literature, a fetus in the womb is considered a human life “under construction.” The soul is usually described as arriving when the first breath of life is taken at birth. The primary Jewish imagery for the beginning of life comes from Genesis 1:2, where breath hovers above the waters of earth before life emerges from that cosmic womb. Then, in Genesis 2:7, after the body of Adam is fashioned from the clay of the earth, G*d is described as breathing life into him. These stories frame the basis for the Jewish view that the fetus gains full human rights and status only once the baby’s head has emerged from the birth canal [Ohalot 7:6].

There is one Talmudic passage in which a Greek philosopher presses a rabbi on this issue until–probably for the sake of peace with the Greek occupiers of the Land of Israel–the rabbi accedes to the prevailing view in Greek culture that the soul is present from conception. This concession did not, however, change the Jewish perspective that the activation of the fetus’s status as a human with full human rights still occurs upon birth……..

.http://www.reclaimingjudaism.org/teachings/when-does-life-begin-jewish-view

Essence – Chris Ritchey

Since my  journey  through  “hell on earth” began I haven’t any faith in “organized religion” –  as such . I prefer what I  feel to  be true  and science.  However, maybe a baby shares his/hers mother’s ( essence) soul  until the DNA or whatever  changes him her from a cluster of exploding cells to  our daughter or son.

I don’t have any answers, just questions, and I  am not saying “anyone’s’ beliefs are wrong”. I just know, like other mothers before me, there is, for want of a better word, an intuition we carry and a knowing .

For instance my  daughter,  who  was told  she wouldn’t have children (which was devastating to  her and her husband) I KNEW she was pregnant . I  told Chris who  became so  angry  at me:

“Mum. don’t you dare say anything to Nikki you know how rotten she feels about not being able to have kids”

So I  said nothing  until two  smiling and bright faces appeared in my living room weeks later..

“We are pregnant”.

I specifically  said:

“Let me tell Chris. “

I called Chris and said ” I told you so ……. Nikki  is having a baby”

How did I know my daughter was pregnant weeks before she knew herself? I told my mother and Chris who both chastised me because a few months before the “specialists” had told her she would never have children.

You  couldn’t know that, how did you  know?

I don’t know Chris I  just knew ..

Maybe it was that Fetal-maternal microchimerism .

However, as I  gloated  that I was right …. that horrible thought I  had when I  looked into Chris eyes at two  days old  also  came to  the fore  – Chris was part way  through  his Stem Cell Transplants at the time. .

Why did I look in the eyes of my newly born son all those years ago and turn to my mother and say without thinking

” He has sad eyes- he will have a sad life”

and then dismiss it with
“Why ever did I say that”

https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2010/03/17/when-premonition-becomes-hindsight-part-two/

I also knew and told a doctor Nikki  was pregnant with  her 2nd child … he laughed at me and I  said trust me on this and she was!

There are many other happenings which I  will expand upon in the forthcoming  “alpha” chapters. But for now I struggle to  make sense of anything.

I will tell you,  as I watched  the blood slowly  drain from my son’s face , watching his heart  stop –   I died too. At least the woman and person I was before that instant of death. It was also  the death of “hope” 

I am never going to  be the same , he was gone but part of him still lived emotionally  and physically  within  my  heart and “essence”. We  continued to  share,  even though  his poor cancer ridden body  was  just a shell. No  more laughter, anger, intelligence , love,  happiness, sadness , strength  or essence was left to us that was Chris.

darkness of grief Kathe Kollwitz

In that moment of death, there was another birthing – a birthing of grief.

A birthing of another person- that took over from what I  used to  be.   And after all the months and years  it  hasn’t “changed or  become better. The Loraine that I  was  is lost somewhere, but no  longer here.  There isn’t a word for a mother who  loses her child . There isn’t any tidy   little  “word box” to  describe us . I  believe because we are indescribable .

My  memories, after he passed that afternoon are pixels, fragments,  broken flashes of memory , a brain that was no  longer functioning properly.

There was a wheelchair, there was the hotel room, a phone ringing . Lombardis talking to Nikki .

Chris had been dead less than an hour and yet they  had already  made the appointment for the Funeral Home for 10 am   the next morning to  discuss arrangements.

Decisions in that hotel room were being made as to  who  would drive my  car. Who  would take the bags, wheel me down to  the elevator, our little family  was reeling , going rom one thing to  another, not functioning  but the Lombardis were on top  of their control game.

I rode home  with Nikki I don’t know where anyone else was, Jim,  Gavin ( the  baby ), my  husband,  had someone told my  mum?

I have no  memory  I only  know I wanted to  call my  oldest friend , Mike, in Chicago  .I  needed to  hear an English  voice  for some reason , one who  had shared my  childhood and happiness of those days.

I walked, well fell, in the front door  into  my  home that evening   and dissolved………

To  be continued…..

 

 

 

 

August 3, 2022 at 12:44 am 3 comments

July 3rd- No Limits- Chapter 30- Chris Ritchey

 

NO LIMITS

Forward: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/01/02/jan-3rd-no-limits-the-forward-chris-ritchey/

Chapter One :https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/02/03/feb-3rd-no-limits-chapter-1-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Two:https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/03/03/march-3rd-no-limits-

Chapter Three: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/04/03/april-3rd-no-limits-chapt-3-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Four: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/05/03/no-limits-chapter-4-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Five: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/06/03/june-3rd-no-limits-chapter-5-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Six: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/07/03/july-3rd-no-limits-chapter-6-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Seven: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/08/03/august-3rd-no-limits-chapter7-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Eight: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/09/03/sept-3rd-no-limits-chapter-8-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Nine: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/10/03/oct-3rd-no-limits-chapter-9-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Ten: NO LIMITS- Nov 3rd- Chapter 10- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Eleven: NO LIMITS-Dec. 3rd- Chris Ritchey- Chapter 11 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Twelve: NO LIMITS-Jan 3rd- Chris Ritchey- Chapter 12 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Thirteen : NO LIMITS- FEB 3rd- Chris Ritchey- Chapter 13 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Fourteen: March 3rd, NO LIMITS, Chapter 14- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Fifteen: April 3rd- No Limits- Chapter 15- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Sixteen: May 3rd – No Limits- Chapter 16- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Seventeen: June 3rd-No Limits-Chris Ritchey-Chapter 17 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Eighteen: July 3rd – NO LIMITS- Chapter 18-Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Nineteen: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2021/08/03/august-3rd-no-limits-chapter-19-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2021/09/03/september-3rd-no-limits-chapter20-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty One:  https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2021/10/03/october-3rd-no-limits-chapter-21-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty Two : https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2021/11/03/nov-3rd-no-limits-chapter-22-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty Three: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2021/12/03/dec-3rd-no-limits-chapt-23-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty Four: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/01/03/january-3rd-no-limits-chapter-24-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty  Five: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/02/03/february-3rd-no-limits-chapter-25-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty Six https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/03/03/march-3rd-no-limits-chapter-26-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty Seven https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/04/03/april-3rd-no-limits-chapter-27-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty Eight: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/05/03/may-3rd-no-limits-chapter-28-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty Nine: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/06/03/june-3rd-no-limits-chapter-29-chris-ritchey/

OMEGA

Any  words I  have left in me are inadequate to  describe the utter denial, disbelief , unreality  I felt on that last morning of December 3rd.  As I  walked out of the conference  room, the words from the “Doctor” stating we would have to  waIt until the paralyzing drugs wore off before they  could remove Chris from life support, seemed  hollow , without emotion and echoed in my  brain, I felt not a part of my  own body . I was  elsewhere wanting to  wake up to  a different reality  . This can’t be our reality!

I wanted to  run away  , leave this place of clinical formality, take my  son ,  I  saw the  relief on the faces of the Lombardi  Clan as I  agreed to  removing Chris from the machines. I agreed with  the impossible hope  that maybe , he would prove them wrong  but also  because my son had asked me ”

“Mum don’t ever let me end up  being pathetic” 

I never wanted to  look on the faces of Tim, Sue and Angela ever  again. In my  mind they  were no  longer part of our lives. Little did I  know they  weren’t done with  Chris and his family  yet, their controlling  behaviour would  reach  out even through  the death  of Chris , in order to  have their own way. 

We went into  Chris room, Nikki  was there in those damned pajamas , talking to  him.

“Chris you  came home to  see me anytime, I  love you……”

I wasn’t understanding did she not realize  he wouldn’t be ever coming home again? 

A nurse  ushered out of the room into  the room next door, where just a few hours before  the patient had caused all the alarm in the night  had apparently  died.   We were told to  wait  as we couldnt be in the room whilst they  “unhooked” Chris .

The room was bare, the bed and machines cleared away.  I was in there with  Sue Lombardi,  Angela and Tim.

I wondered where my  husband was , Nikki , Jim???Why  was I in that  horrible room with  these people. I  was about to  leave when the tellvision, fixed to  the wall came on  . I  don’t know the program but it was country  music ….. I couldn’t stand it , it was as if someone was playing some macabre joke.

I grabbed the channel  changer from the floor , but no  matter what I  did I  couldn’t get rid of it. Finally  Tim Lombardi left Sue’s  side , she was sitting on the floor  against the wall, but all he managed to  do  was get it flipping through  channels. It ended up  on a scene from . The joke being in the family  that I  was Marie Barone  and my  favourite was Chris, as hers was Raymond. It was the scene where they  were together on a cruise ship.

Angela took the channel changer from her father as Sue  said looking at the scene on the television

“OH it is Chris”

I looked at her and thought

stupid woman , why  doesn’t she just  shut up!!!!

It was then the nurse put her head through  the door and said they  were ready  for us.

Angela, her mother and father went to  the  right hand side of the bed where there weren’t any  machines, I  could only  squeeze into  the other side by  the wall and the now quiet ventilator.

I looked at my  sons face, wiped the  spittle from his mouth , the nurses has closed his eyes . I  rambled on, talking   to him about being proud of him , how hard he fought and that he should rest now. I  don’t know exactly  what I  was talking about  because all I  wanted to  do  was hold him and  scream

NO!!!!!!! Stop  this !!! This can’t happen 

Instead, I  watched the colour drain slowly  from his face , he had died earlier I  knew it…… there was no  gasping for breath or convulsion. I  looked up  into  Tim Lombardi’s face who  was nodding yes….. Sue left the room  Someone took me away  from the bedside , I  think  it was one of Chris’ nurses . There was a wheelchair waiting for me. I had absolutely  no  idea where I  was ,what was happening .

I was taken back  to  hotel room and we sat. Nobody  talked finally we started packing up  our belongings and left. Nikki  was on the phone  apparently to  Tim

”  arrangements for the funeral home had already  been made for the following morning at 10 a.m”

In my  maelstrom of thoughts I  didn’t understand why  Chris’ father hadn’t been there when his son died. I knew Nikki  couldn’t face it and was, I  thought, being taken care of by  Jim.

I  understood that  but I  didn’t understand why  I had to  look into  that weasle  little face of Tim Lombardi  as my  son gave up  his being.

It was many  weeks later I  found out when I  finally  asked my  husband

Where were you , why  weren’t YOU with  me and Chris?

And then it came to  light. He had made sure Nikki  was with  Jim and then followed us into  the room but Sue Lombardi  closed the door in his face and he didn’t know what to  do  , he didn’t want to  make a scene so  he stood outside the door and looked  through  the window as his son died.

artwork Chris Ritchey

I would like to  say  that that was the last cruel and thoughtless  act of the Lombardis but there was so  much  more to  come. However it was nearly  a year after Chris died that Nikki  finally  told me what had happened in that ICU room

DEC. 4th- How Cold is Cold -Lombardi?

I couldn’t think that my beautiful son was going to die- I truly still thought he will show them he will come out of this – I never gave up hope and none of us said to goodbye-

My husband when he was in a coma told us that he had heard every word that people spoke but he couldn’t let us know. So we all acted on the fact that Chris too, was aware and were so careful not to say or do anything that would distress him- trapped as he was…….

Fashionistas Sue Lombardi and Angela (Lombardi) ritchey( Now Murphy.

This apparently was not consideration given by the Lombardis as Sue Lombardi and Angela joined Nikki in the ICU room. Nikki was putting cool cloths on Chris’ brow , holding his hand and talking to him that everything was Ok and she wouldn’t leave him-

However that was not the reason apparently the Lombardi women were in the room, not for them comfort and saying farewell NO they had other reasons for seeing Chris

 they were choosing his “laying out clothes”

So before my son was dead, two minutes after Nikki had learned they were taking Chris off the vent – Angela Ritchey(Murphy) DO and Sue stood over my dying son having already decided without even the courtesy of discussing with Chris’ family the Gluvna Funeral Home would handle the arrangements-

Sue Lombardi

We will lay him out in his black pants, blue shirt and silver tie

Angela –

Yes, but no suit jacket Chris wouldn’t like that

 

Nikki couldn’t believe what she was hearing her brother lying there still breathing, still warm, his hand still in hers and they are discussing “funeral fashion!” 

Nikki told  me that day a year later  between her sobs –

Mum who are these people? how does a “bride” stand there as her husband is dying and calmly decide what fashion statement he will make in his casket- I was standing there trying to memorize every piece of his face, his hands everything about him knowing I would never see him again and they are discussing what to dress him in and he wasn’t even dead. I just cannot believe they were so cool and calm and cold when Angela said
“Yes but no jacket ” it was in the same tone as saying

I will have honey mustard sauce with the nuggets…….

 

Nikki turned to them and quietly said through her teeth so that Chris didn’t hear

NO! you are not laying my brother out, there will be no casket he is to be cremated, he isn’t to go to Gluvna but to Boyers – I will fight you on this – he is to go home

 

Sue Lombardi:

but this will be a huge funeral and what would we do about the parking….

I still find this scenario incredible What kind of people are more concerned in the “funeral fashion statement” of their son-in-law and new husband will wear and where Sue would have  people park as he is clinging to life.

Who calmly looks at their dying groom and is concerned about jacket or no jacket, what kind of people are these ?- How could you even discuss this as a sister holds her dying brothers hand and tries to give him comfort?

How could Angela even contemplate that next move? I just know that anyone who loved my son deeply would not be thinking of “dressing him in his coffin” in their last moments together !
I didn’t know any of this  at the time and it is probably  just as well because as traumatic as the next few days were they  would have been worse as my  anger would have risen to  a dreadful climax.

– I am even more filled with disgust that someone who was so full of life, love and caring has left this life and those that should have mourned his loss stood over him – as he lay dying deciding how to dress him in a casket to look good!

 

The disgust I felt at such pious hypocrites is indescribable – to think my son was subject to this in his last moments “what would he be wearing as they decorated him in the casket “ filled me with a gut filled sickness, it is beyond my comprehension as to what he did to deserve such coldness?

To  be continued ……..

 

July 3, 2022 at 1:51 pm 2 comments

June 3rd- No Limits- Chapter 29- Chris Ritchey

NO LIMITS

Forward: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/01/02/jan-3rd-no-limits-the-forward-chris-ritchey/

Chapter One :https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/02/03/feb-3rd-no-limits-chapter-1-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Two:https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/03/03/march-3rd-no-limits-

Chapter Three: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/04/03/april-3rd-no-limits-chapt-3-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Four: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/05/03/no-limits-chapter-4-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Five: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/06/03/june-3rd-no-limits-chapter-5-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Six: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/07/03/july-3rd-no-limits-chapter-6-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Seven: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/08/03/august-3rd-no-limits-chapter7-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Eight: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/09/03/sept-3rd-no-limits-chapter-8-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Nine: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/10/03/oct-3rd-no-limits-chapter-9-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Ten: NO LIMITS- Nov 3rd- Chapter 10- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Eleven: NO LIMITS-Dec. 3rd- Chris Ritchey- Chapter 11 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Twelve: NO LIMITS-Jan 3rd- Chris Ritchey- Chapter 12 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Thirteen : NO LIMITS- FEB 3rd- Chris Ritchey- Chapter 13 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Fourteen: March 3rd, NO LIMITS, Chapter 14- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Fifteen: April 3rd- No Limits- Chapter 15- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Sixteen: May 3rd – No Limits- Chapter 16- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Seventeen: June 3rd-No Limits-Chris Ritchey-Chapter 17 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Eighteen: July 3rd – NO LIMITS- Chapter 18-Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Nineteen: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2021/08/03/august-3rd-no-limits-chapter-19-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2021/09/03/september-3rd-no-limits-chapter20-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty One:  https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2021/10/03/october-3rd-no-limits-chapter-21-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty Two : https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2021/11/03/nov-3rd-no-limits-chapter-22-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty Three: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2021/12/03/dec-3rd-no-limits-chapt-23-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty Four: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/01/03/january-3rd-no-limits-chapter-24-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty  Five: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/02/03/february-3rd-no-limits-chapter-25-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty Six https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/03/03/march-3rd-no-limits-chapter-26-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty Seven https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/04/03/april-3rd-no-limits-chapter-27-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty Eight: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/05/03/may-3rd-no-limits-chapter-28-chris-ritchey/

A losing of function

Note: I have been dreading this chapter all month. I have put it off, shoved the memories back into  their dwelling place.  As my  self- imposed deadline of the 3rd of the month loomed, I ran emotionally  from remembering. My   conscious thought  telling me

“don’t go  there ” , you  can’t go  back to  that time, your well being is at stake. You  survived that day  because it was so  surreal and you  were protected  by   “unbelievability” as to  what was actually  happening. You were tired, emotionally  exhausted things happening were cushioned with  incredibility , the  -this is not happening syndrome.

Days passed  and the closer the 3rd of June  came  the more I ran from this writing.  I couldn’t bring myself to  do  this , but the nights were different perspective altogether, I  lay awake for hours, although  exhausted , I would watch  the moon in its phases  lighting the bedroom  causing   the tree to outside cast its  dancing shadows on the wall.

Everything in me has fought this moment, but here it is June the 2nd, 2022 and I am remembering the most painful day  of my  life and “my death” as well. You  see, and I  know those of you that have lost a son or daughter  know the very  moment that happens , you  lose who  you  are too. You  are not the same and you  never will be ………

For days I  sat by  your  side , those last three days being in the new Medical ICU unit were dreadful. Not only  did the nurses and doctors not know who  I  was, and I  was too tired to  explain, I  was falling apart emotionally  and physically. Weeks of wearing the paper medical masks ( since they  insisted you  had H1N1), because that is what Angela had told them in ER and of course why  question  the “doctor in waiting”.

The mask, the dryness of the room and the stress had caused the skin under my  nose to  blister and scab. I, apparently,  was somewhat allergic to  those particular masks. One lovely  nurse gave me ointment to  help.  There was no ointment for my  swollen, to  nearly  three time their regular size, my  legs.  In this unit , there was not  comfortable arm chair. This unit obviously  did not want visitors so  the only  chair was a metal folding chair.  Sitting on the cold hard metal , not moving holding his hand, only  getting up  to  put a cool facecloth  on his burning brow.  I was reminded every time I  did so   by  the marks left on your scalp  as they  had pulled off the  brain wave electrodes, the  skin was sore and red  and the hair gone  and slight bleeding.  Someone obviously  had no  thought for my  son as they  pulled those off, but he was dying anyway! I  noticed a lot of that sort of attitude in that unit, so  different from the previous ICU.

Photo source http://www.neurowavesystems.com/

And so  it was the night of December 2nd. I  had gone , as usual walked to  the unit with  my  husband about 10 pm. The Lombardi  clan hovering  in the corridors  talking tacos. I  had no  wish  to  see.

Nikki  was exhausted ,  having to breastfeed the baby  and dealing with  everything. Jim had brought the baby  up  to  the hotel. Nikki  hadn’t any  pajamas and had purchased a pair at the gift shop. Unlike my  lime green creation I  had purchased, the one pair  she had to  buy  was  two  piece pink, chocolate and white striped . I  remember thinking they  reminded me of Neapolitan ice cream.

I was surprised , as we headed to  the unit to  see two  of Chris’ high school friends. What were they  doing there????? , Apparently,  Angela  had been sending out texts

if they  wanted to  see Chris before he died they  should come” 

I cannot honestly  remember what I  said to  them , but I  don’t think  I  was very  pleasant. However, it  explained why  Chris’ nurse was flustered as we walked into  our son’s room

“You  know  there are visiting hours we can’t have all you  people coming in and out all night long”

I explained  who  I  was and why  I  would be sitting there all night , at least until rounds in the morning. If they  needed me to  move I  would but I  would not be leaving my  son. She explained that during her shift people had been in and out. I  told her :

she would have to  take that up  with  his wife because I certainly  was against anyone coming into  see him in this condition. He would have hated it. 

My  husband went back to  the  hotel room . I  continued to  sit in that glass bubble of a world, a young woman ( presumably  a Doctor) would look through  the glass at the monitors. I hoped Chris could hear me I  hummed the lullabies of his childhood, talked softly   as to  how much  we loved him, that Nikki  and Jim were there., anything to  try to  give him comfort, trapped as he was, encased in machines.

My inner thoughts , I did not say  outloud , I spoke them silently

” Please Chris you  have to  turn a corner soon , I just don’t know how much  longer I  can hold up, please Chris

Nurse Nicole , it was her first week in that particular ICU came in to  say  they  would be bathing him  and I  could stay  and help  if I  wished. I told her

No!  he would hate me to  be there for that and I  would go  and get something to  drink and come back.

After  a while I  went back into  the ICU , I asked whether they  had been continuing the eye drops as  his eyes were partially  open and I had been told it could cause issues if they  weren’t moisturized regulary  after he came off the vent.

She went away  to  get  an OK and came back, I said did she notice the urine bag had blood in it. No!  that wasn’t like that before, I  will check let me put the drops in.   It was 3 am  and she looked at me and said

“his pupils are fixed and dilated “

Fixed and moderately dilated pupils are seen in brain death because of the loss of both sympathetic and parasympathetic influences.

She then left to  call for the  head of the unit.  All hell broke loose as a male  Doctor , whomever he was , and the nurses  as they  came to  our room, the man in the next room decided to  have an episode  and apparently  passed.  I  waited  and then the nurse said the Doctor had ordered a scan. I called Angela and told her what the nurse had said and waited.

It was 5 am by  this time , Angela appeared at the desk with  the Doctor,  who  had glanced into  the room at that stats at least twice during the night . She and Angela chatted as if I  didn’t exist .

Angela asked what was the prognosis?

OH ! this is the first night he had held his own

– Angela

Cool Beans! we now have to feed my boy

Dr. We have to do something about a bowel movement first

As I stood there like some peripheral groupie I mentioned the scan and that

“the ICU nurse was very concerned as his pupils were fixed and dilated and had called the Neurologist for a scan”


The Elephant Run-by Chris Ritchey

Two faces and pairs of eyes ” in the know medical (Drs.?) turned and looked at me like I was some sort of “ignorant irritant”

That young woman. presumably  a Doctor,   – I don’t remember her name just her face- I had seen it through the early morning hours looking at the monitors through the glass – never once coming into the room – said:

Oh I am not worried he is on a boat load of medication

Giggles from the “Dr. to be Ritchey ( Angela)

Oh! he is on enough medication to fill up an elephant heehehehehee!

I had such  a bad feeling  but I  had to  sleep, I  left them chatting and went back to  the room . I went to  the chaise lounge by  the window where I  could see his room across the way. I fell instantly  into  a desperate sleep only  to   be woken by Nikki-

Mum you have to go back

– I said

Nikki I can’t- I can’t even stand

and she said

Mum, you have to something is wrong- I will come down as soon as Jim gets here to take Gavin

I rushed through the hallways- to this day I have no idea what clothes I had on…. I found my son’s room empty  of the usual “clan”– no one was with him I went in- a new nurse said

You are wanted in the conference room for a family  meeting

-I said

my husband is there I am not leaving my son alone I promised him-

Nurse

YOU HAVE TO GO!

I looked at this officious nurse and said

“I DON’T “HAVE” TO GO ANYWHERE OR DO ANYTHING I AM NOT LEAVING MY SON ALONE!

It was then Nikki arrived – still in  the Neapolitan pajamas purchased from the hospital gift shop- like some bizarre clown outfit. I remember thinking Chris would find it funny.

She said:

Mum you go I will stay with Chris I promise

The meeting that day was about taking Chris off the vent they the hospital and they  needed me there as they  

“didn’t want any trouble”

They needed my permission as well as his wifes- I had the night before made sure that the staff were now aware that Nikki and I were also on his paperwork.

The Doctor, who  chatted about bowel movement and holding his own  just 2 hours previously   was now saying his brainstem ( after looking at the scans) had collapsed and he was effectively  brain dead.

Brainstem death is a clinical syndrome defined by the absence of reflexes with pathways through the brainstem – the “stalk” of the brain, which connects the spinal cord to the mid-braincerebellum and cerebral hemispheres – in a deeply comatose, ventilator-dependent patient. Identification of this state carries a very grave prognosis for survival; cessation of heartbeat often occurs within a few days, although it may continue for weeks if intensive support is maintained.

The Dr. explained what would happen and our options and what each option would mean when they did this-one option being surgery  to  release the pressure on the brain.  What ever they  did they were going to have to wait until one of the medications which  paralyzed him  wore off so it would be a little while.

NOTE: I  cannot write anymore as the dying time took all day and horrors of heartbreak and ignorance continued to pummel me and my  family.  There was no  kindness in this dying … I will have to  continue on the next 3rd

to  be continued……..

June 3, 2022 at 11:17 am 3 comments

April 3rd-No Limits – Chapter 27- Chris Ritchey

NO LIMITS

Forward: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/01/02/jan-3rd-no-limits-the-forward-chris-ritchey/

Chapter One :https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/02/03/feb-3rd-no-limits-chapter-1-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Two:https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/03/03/march-3rd-no-limits-

Chapter Three: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/04/03/april-3rd-no-limits-chapt-3-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Four: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/05/03/no-limits-chapter-4-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Five: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/06/03/june-3rd-no-limits-chapter-5-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Six: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/07/03/july-3rd-no-limits-chapter-6-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Seven: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/08/03/august-3rd-no-limits-chapter7-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Eight: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/09/03/sept-3rd-no-limits-chapter-8-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Nine: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/10/03/oct-3rd-no-limits-chapter-9-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Ten: NO LIMITS- Nov 3rd- Chapter 10- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Eleven: NO LIMITS-Dec. 3rd- Chris Ritchey- Chapter 11 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Twelve: NO LIMITS-Jan 3rd- Chris Ritchey- Chapter 12 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Thirteen : NO LIMITS- FEB 3rd- Chris Ritchey- Chapter 13 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Fourteen: March 3rd, NO LIMITS, Chapter 14- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Fifteen: April 3rd- No Limits- Chapter 15- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Sixteen: May 3rd – No Limits- Chapter 16- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Seventeen: June 3rd-No Limits-Chris Ritchey-Chapter 17 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Eighteen: July 3rd – NO LIMITS- Chapter 18-Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Nineteen: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2021/08/03/august-3rd-no-limits-chapter-19-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2021/09/03/september-3rd-no-limits-chapter20-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty One:  https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2021/10/03/october-3rd-no-limits-chapter-21-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty Two : https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2021/11/03/nov-3rd-no-limits-chapter-22-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty Three: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2021/12/03/dec-3rd-no-limits-chapt-23-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty Four: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/01/03/january-3rd-no-limits-chapter-24-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty  Five: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/02/03/february-3rd-no-limits-chapter-25-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty Six https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/03/03/march-3rd-no-limits-chapter-26-chris-ritchey/

The fog of remaining…….

I sit at this keyboard on a chilly spring day , trying to  be brave enough  to continue with  this story. I am not brave I  am jelly, everything about me is trying to  run from  these chapters , not to  relive the most excruciating  pain that,  for most, is not to be imagined.

Chris Ritchey—- FOG

The extreme emotions that flood through  body  and brain whilst waiting for my son to  pass from this existence  were  somehow blanketed and softened ,at the time, with  a fog of surreality all the while  begging for any  sign of hope.

I know now, after these years of “living  with the loss”,  that feeling – disoriented, confused, in a fog are responses that are the brain’s attempts to dissociate itself from emotional pain.

The brain is built to perceive an existential threat as a threat to our very existence. This triggers what most people know as the “fight or flight” response. Stress hormones course throughout the body. “Your heart starts racing, your blood pressure increases, your respiratory rate increases, you become sweaty, as the body marshals defenses for you to protect yourself, one way or another,” https://www.heart.org/en/news/2021/03/10/how-grief-rewires-the-brain-and-can-affect-health-and-what-to-do-about-it?msclkid=779cd4c4b1d211ec9c8f2a31ff281e84

I haven’t the words to  explain those last days , hours blended into  a few  minutes of conscious  thought and movement whilst trying   to  disappear into  another world of existing elsewhere……. anywhere…. besides that waiting room and those people.

Robotic responses , a feeling of being crushed, enveloped in some sort of claustrophobic existence, all the time wanting to  scream, run , and trying with all my  heart for a solution a way  to  save my  son.

People moved in and out of my  world that week, broken by  surfacing to  what was my  horrific reality . The only  time I  had any  peace was alone in the the ICU room 6 listening to  the breathing of the machine, holding his hand , singing softly  when I could the lullabies from when he was a baby . The nurses told me he could probably  hear me and I would look at his heart rate and when it slowed  from its “rushing pace”  I  knew he knew my  presence.

The times Nikki  was able to  come , his heart rate slowed and he relaxed….. Nurse Heather….. who  always held out hope  for me, from rolling a neck pillow for under his neck, because

“after being so long in one position when the patient woke and was off the ventilator   it would help   with  the stiffness”.

That small act and her caring of my  son as a person  not a lab rat gave a glimmer of peace.  Heather would add  eye drops to lubricate his eyes .  When Nikki  would enter the room and talk to  Chris and his body  relaxed she said,

Oh! I  wish  she could stay  all day, it is the only  time he doesn’t fight the ventilator .

For the next couple of days we drifted in and out of hope. It was about 1 in the morning, I would sit next to Chris all night, you  see I  had this phobia of sorts, that if I could let him know I was there and get him past  “three in the morning”  he would survive another day .

I know how that sounds but I had a morbid dread of that hour   I sat quietly holding his hand, watching  his stats on the monitor, listening to  every  breath. He  seemed to  be sleeping, but then he squeezed my  hand so  tightly  I was shocked, he hadn’t reacted to  my  holding his hand that way , I wasn’t sure what he needed.

hands – artwork Chris Ritchey

Thinking he was in pain I rang for the nurse, two  came in , one male nurse I hadn’t seen before and another who  I had only  seen once before.  , the male  checked the ventilator  and  the other spoke to  Chris. asking him if he was in pain

It was the last time I saw my  son respond , with a slight shake of his head. A few moments later  as I looked at the monitor his heart rate dropped from the 134  to  89,

I said:

his heart rate has  dropped  

They  ignored me, went on  checking fluids , Iv’s etc. Then went up  again  and then it fell  again  I  said:

his heart rate has dropped again 

the male nurse said

” that is what we want it to  do”

but then it went back up again. I could tell I  was being “dismissed”

Chris, seemed to settle back into  a rhythm and around 8 am  I went back to  the room to  try  and sleep ,  knowing we had come through  another night .

NOTE: Talking to physicians afterwards, I  was told that slowing of the heart rate was probably  due to  him  having a  stroke.  Also  the fact that he had pin prick holes in his lungs that were turning leather like  and the pressure of the vents forcing air  was of course  a reaction with  the lungs.

“The machine uses positive pressure to force air into your lungs. Think of standing in front of a leaf blower.” 

Read More: https://www.thelist.com/621631/whats-the-difference-between-being-intubated-vs-on-a-ventilator/

We had sort of settled into  a rhythm ourselves, the Lombardi  Clan and I. I would take the night shift  or when no-one else could be there . I  suppose they  were avoiding me as much  as I  wanted to  avoid them. The Drs. made their rounds in the morning and that was when Angela would be there . I would wait for what she was told or what the nurses would tell me later.

My  physical being , as well as my  emotional  being was suffering . 10  days of barely  two  to three house of sleep   in 24  was taking its toll.  Sitting in the chair by  the bed , scared to  move, had made my  legs and ankles  swell so  badly  I would have  put bags of ice on my  feet to   put my  shoes on.

The type of hospital masks we were required to wear,  as they  were concerned about H1N1, rubbed the tender spot under my  nose. I wore them for so  many  hours I ended up  with  raw spots between my  nose and upper lip, as days went on it got worse. The nurses helped with  some ointment , but I believe stress wasn’t helping the situation.

 

When I  came down to  ICU again,  the morning after the heart beat drop,  all hell had broken loose. Nurse Heather coming out into  the corridor  , the Lombardi  Clan mingled, agitated gestures   and  outraged behavior  met me . I  couldn’t  fathom what was going on.

Nurse Heather,  walked through  them  -faced me took  my  hands in mine  looked me  straight in the eyes, tears filling hers and said

” I am so sorry”

I thought Chris must have passed  without me by  his side, but why  were the faces of the Lombardi  clan  so  animated with  annoyance?

 

Apparently, before I arrived to  the Neurological ICU where Chris had been admitted due to  lack of space in the Medical Unit, Sue Lombardi  had been making her rounds in the ICU again bothering nurses and going into  Chris’s room  and discussing his condition and asking questions as to   the current situation etc. etc.

Chris’s stats and heart rate would  climb when she was in the room and the Nurses on duty  informed Angela :

her mother was not helping him and interfering, bothering other nurses  and asking questions about other patients in the unit and could she not enter ICU alone anymore.

That  had set off the “Clan” and Angela ( Dr. in resident) insisted Chris be moved  from the Neurological Unit  to  the other floor and the Medical Unit. I had no  say  , to  be honest I  was still trying to  fathom what was going on.

Days previously,   a resident  came to  talk to  me from the Medical Unit- they  had room  for Chris , Angela had declined  and apparently  something had upset the resident. Later that night  a Doctor from the unit came in , asked me if I  was Chris mother. Yes. They  wanted “MY” permission to  bring Chris into  the unit .

I said:

if  his wife  said no  and well she is a resident  and knows more than I – I would have to  go along with  her decision. 

I am not sure what that was all about  but it seemed strange  that now all of a sudden the move she had fought initially  was happening because her mother was upset with  the nurses in the Neurological Unit – nothing was making any  sense.

I went into his room a nurse was there sticking pins in his foot and hand. She looked at my  face and said I  am sorry but he has had a stroke , his lung had also  collapsed .

I stood there incredulous, the fog overwhelming me again.  I was then told Angela and family  ( what the hell was I?) had NOW  requested Chris be moved to  the  Medical Unit.

They were getting ready  to  take him off the vent  in order to  transport him. I looked at the nurse and said :

isn’t that dangerous wouldn’t that put his body  through  more stress. 

She just looked at me  and gave a slight shrug and a smile I can only  describe as sympathetic.

The next thing, I was asked to  wait in the corridor . I did.  Chris was put into  an elevator . They  had to manually pump  the oxygen into  his lungs   as he went into  the elevator his heart rate was registering 169 .

 

but the Lombardi’s  had their way  ……..

Angela , Sue and Tim Lombardi

To Be continued…….

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

April 3, 2022 at 2:39 pm 4 comments

March 3rd- No Limits- Chapter 26- Chris Ritchey

NO LIMITS

Forward: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/01/02/jan-3rd-no-limits-the-forward-chris-ritchey/

Chapter One :https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/02/03/feb-3rd-no-limits-chapter-1-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Two:https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/03/03/march-3rd-no-limits-

Chapter Three: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/04/03/april-3rd-no-limits-chapt-3-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Four: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/05/03/no-limits-chapter-4-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Five: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/06/03/june-3rd-no-limits-chapter-5-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Six: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/07/03/july-3rd-no-limits-chapter-6-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Seven: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/08/03/august-3rd-no-limits-chapter7-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Eight: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/09/03/sept-3rd-no-limits-chapter-8-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Nine: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/10/03/oct-3rd-no-limits-chapter-9-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Ten: NO LIMITS- Nov 3rd- Chapter 10- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Eleven: NO LIMITS-Dec. 3rd- Chris Ritchey- Chapter 11 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Twelve: NO LIMITS-Jan 3rd- Chris Ritchey- Chapter 12 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Thirteen : NO LIMITS- FEB 3rd- Chris Ritchey- Chapter 13 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Fourteen: March 3rd, NO LIMITS, Chapter 14- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Fifteen: April 3rd- No Limits- Chapter 15- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Sixteen: May 3rd – No Limits- Chapter 16- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Seventeen: June 3rd-No Limits-Chris Ritchey-Chapter 17 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Eighteen: July 3rd – NO LIMITS- Chapter 18-Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Nineteen: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2021/08/03/august-3rd-no-limits-chapter-19-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2021/09/03/september-3rd-no-limits-chapter20-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty One:  https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2021/10/03/october-3rd-no-limits-chapter-21-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty Two : https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2021/11/03/nov-3rd-no-limits-chapter-22-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty Three: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2021/12/03/dec-3rd-no-limits-chapt-23-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty Four: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/01/03/january-3rd-no-limits-chapter-24-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty  Five: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/02/03/february-3rd-no-limits-chapter-25-chris-ritchey/

THE WINTER OF WEEPING that never ends………… 

NOTE: It is said that time heals and spring and new life replaces  the dark dreary days of winter. Those of the sisterhood of grief , especially  those who  have lost a soul and child of their body  and heart, winter never ends. You  are still lost in those days , you see glimpses of life  and happiness, but you  are never again whole. You  see when you  lose your child  you  and the person you  were – leaves with  themwhen they  draw their last breath. 

You  don’t even look the same, you  may be thinner, put on weight  , age more quickly, your eyes smart with too many  tears, lines appear around your eyes and mouth , not the lines of age but of pain. You  are wary , looking out for those moments that assault you  as you  go  about your daily  routine. Oh  you  smile at the correct moments, you  try  to  join in with  life , but no  matter the days, months even years  the only  thing that gets better is you  can hide  the heart break just a bit better. You  have learned who  you  can reach out , who  doesn’t flinch  when you  want to  talk about you  child. Those who  are patient and those who  are understanding because they  too are members of the Sisterhood of Grief. 

 

I wrote the following  five months after Christopher passed from this world. And  all these years later nothing has changed……  Photo Credit – Virginia Mak

The Sisterhood

It was Thanksgiving. I was alone with  Chris, everyone was with  family . I sat by  his bedside , he couldn’t talk a lot due to  the oxygen mask , I  read, although  I  had no  idea what I  was reading . I would, when he closed his eyes, drink in every   part of my  son, the contours of his face , his hands on the the sheet, his arms strong still listened to  every  breath he took , movement, sound  he made.  That day,  the sun shone in the window, and the beard  he had been growing had become  more pronounced.

He grew the facial hair after he lost all of his hair due to the horrendous chemo sessions  and stem cell transplants. I think  he did so  because it was a sign  his body  was trying to get back to  normalcy.  The last time he and his Nana were together at Nikki’s she stroked his face and the beginnings of his beard and said :

Chris you  are truly  my Viking and that is how I will think of you , brave and golden.

I was filling my  memory of my  son,  every feature , nuance and aspect of  my  son that  morning of Thanksgiving.  The  sunlight caught his face  and the golden red of his beard .  My  Viking.

I didn’t want him to  see me lose it  so  I  excused myself and went to  the waiting room.  Thankfully  there was no  one there  and I wept with  the pain of “WHY”?????????????

When I  finally  pulled myself together and returned to  the room he was sleeping . I sat quietly,  hardly  daring to  breathe, I  had always been told  that sleep is how the body  heals. I was clutching at anything I  could find to  give me hope, willing whatever strength  I  had to  somehow  be miraculously  given to  him by some  magical umbilical chord of life.

He woke , pulled down his oxygen mask and asked for a sip  of water. Those were the last words he spoke to  to  me , not his last words, but the last thing he ever asked of me . I  held the bottle of water with the hospital straw , he took a small sip and immediately  started choking….

All Hell broke loose nurses cand people came rushing into  the room and someone grabbed hold of my  arm and ushered me out into  the still empty  waiting room.  I  didn’t know what was happening, I  knew it wasn’t good…..  The “code blue ” over the pa system. Drs.,  interns , nurses came rushing along the corridor and then two  technicians  with  a ventilator .

I couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think  I was frozen , everything was falling away  from me , no-one to hold me up, no  where to  go  , what  should I    do ?,

WHY?????????? for God’s sake why……… NOOOOOOO this can’t happen…… . I was shaking with  cold and tears.

After what seemed an eternity , one of Chris nurses came out to  the waiting room with  a cup  of hot chocolate,  she said

“it is OK he has been put on the vent to  help  him breathe, he has been sedated , the Dr. will be out in a moment  drink  this “

But you  see, I knew from that first day  of diagnosis  all through

  the  best cancer to  have, just 6 rounds of Chemo, 95 percent cure rate ,

because I had always known  that damned cancer  was winning. I had fought down my knowing and fears, I had embraced hope, prayers ,  medicines, trials , anything to  fight the obscenity  of death that was coming for my  son.  I  had seen the fear on his face as they all came rushing in, the silent tears that fell from his eyes, and I heard his last words he ever spoke……....

I tried to call someone, anyone but I couldn’t make my  fingers work or my  brain, I don’t remember breathing , I  stood there  thinking this must be what shock is.

Finally  the Dr. came in , I will call her Dr. RA, hers is the only  name  I remember from that day. The first thing she said was

“Would you  like a priest ?” 

No!  I  don’t want a damned priest , what good is he, to  give me comfort! blessings !NO I want someone to  stop  my  son dying….. not religious platitudes that don’t mean a thing. 

I didn’t say that out loud , all I  could manage was

No, is Chris critical.

She looked at me and said:

Oh! he has been critical since he came in , has no-one mentioned that to you , he is dying. 

Then she left. The nurse came back to check on me and helped me call Angela, my husband and my son in law.

Angela was the first to arrive, with her sister,

Is he dead? 

I shook my  head  and she went into the ICU , Her sister chatted on about how she broke the speed limit to get there. And then the  clan of Lombardi  arrived  with  cold mashed potatoes, congealed gravy, turkey  and pumpkin pie, chatting about  leftovers would be good in the microwave if this was going to  be a long night ……..  and I  thought.. who  are these awful  people  chatting and laughing whilst my  son is dying about leftovers and time.

Time no  longer existed in my  world it had stopped…………

THIS  be HELL …. I must have died……………………………. could have been the only explanation 

 

To  be continued………………..

March 3, 2022 at 1:06 pm 3 comments

February 3rd- NO LIMITS- Chapter 25-Chris Ritchey

NO LIMITS

Forward: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/01/02/jan-3rd-no-limits-the-forward-chris-ritchey/

Chapter One :https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/02/03/feb-3rd-no-limits-chapter-1-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Two:https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/03/03/march-3rd-no-limits-

Chapter Three: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/04/03/april-3rd-no-limits-chapt-3-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Four: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/05/03/no-limits-chapter-4-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Five: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/06/03/june-3rd-no-limits-chapter-5-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Six: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/07/03/july-3rd-no-limits-chapter-6-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Seven: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/08/03/august-3rd-no-limits-chapter7-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Eight: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/09/03/sept-3rd-no-limits-chapter-8-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Nine: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/10/03/oct-3rd-no-limits-chapter-9-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Ten: NO LIMITS- Nov 3rd- Chapter 10- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Eleven: NO LIMITS-Dec. 3rd- Chris Ritchey- Chapter 11 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Twelve: NO LIMITS-Jan 3rd- Chris Ritchey- Chapter 12 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Thirteen : NO LIMITS- FEB 3rd- Chris Ritchey- Chapter 13 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Fourteen: March 3rd, NO LIMITS, Chapter 14- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Fifteen: April 3rd- No Limits- Chapter 15- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Sixteen: May 3rd – No Limits- Chapter 16- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Seventeen: June 3rd-No Limits-Chris Ritchey-Chapter 17 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Eighteen: July 3rd – NO LIMITS- Chapter 18-Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Nineteen: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2021/08/03/august-3rd-no-limits-chapter-19-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2021/09/03/september-3rd-no-limits-chapter20-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty One:  https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2021/10/03/october-3rd-no-limits-chapter-21-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty Two : https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2021/11/03/nov-3rd-no-limits-chapter-22-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty Three: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2021/12/03/dec-3rd-no-limits-chapt-23-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty Four: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/01/03/january-3rd-no-limits-chapter-24-chris-ritchey/

The Circus from Hell

The next morning ,after the fiasco of   the Lombardi’s clever ideas as to  how to  get a young man who  couldn’t breathe or walk  more than two  feet without aid  and my  outrage as to  what they  were planning, Angela came in from her shift at the hospital.

Angela ritchey DO photo Chris Ritchey

I  found out later she wasn’t scheduled for that shift but asked to  change. I never did find out why . Chris , was not doing well and it was decided to  tell Chris he was going to  have to  go  back into  the Clinic.  He didn’t take it well a plastic water bottle flew across the room and hit the wall. I was pleased , believe it or not, it showed he still had strength  and fight left in him.

Then it began, the rescue squad having to  get him down the apartment stairs , Angela riding in the ambulance, me following the ambulance as I  had no  clue where I  was going.  Nine hours in the ER as there was no  room in the Medical ICU. Phone calls back and forth. Angela telling the attending physician he had been diagnosed with  H1NI. I  was perplexed this was the first I  heard of it .  I kept thinking

that isn’t right why  is she saying that , was I  being kept in the dark again? I believed that damned flu shot was causing issues. If he had HINI why  were they trying to  send him back  to  Houston, none of this was making sense..

well not then anyway.

Clowns – artwork Chris Ritchey

Chris was finally  sent to  the Neurological ICU as there was no  room in the Medical ICU.

And we waited , Sue and Tim arrived and my  husband  and the days turned into  one long nightmare.  Chris was admitted on the Saturday  before Thanksgiving .  I would fall asleep  in the chair . I  promised Chris he would never be alone and at first it worked reasonably  well I would trade off with  Angela during the day  but the nurses let me stay  in the room in a chair at night.

Then since they  couldn’t figure out what was going on it was decided he must have H1N1. This meant  we were fully  masked and gowned when we went into  his room. I watched my  son’s every  movement, every  heart beat , every  drop or rise in oxygen levels.

I sat there hour after hour trying to  find away  to  give him strength , doing the deals with  whomever ran the universe, all the time remembering my  premonitions and fighting them back down into  my  sub conscience.

Finally  exhaustion got the better of me, I  could no  longer see straight or sit in that waiting room . Nikki  arranged to  get me a room at the Intercontinental Hotel attached to  the Clinic so  I  could walk back and forth.   I had some clothes with  me from the Friday  but they  were in the trunk  of my  car and I  hadn’t a clue where it was.  My  mum had packed a small carrier bag with change of underwear and blouse and sweater sending it up  with  my  husband.

I needed a few things  so  I  bought a pair of pajamas in the Clinic Gift shop. The only  ones in my  size were bright   lime green, terribly  unflattering but then again no-one would be seeing me in in them, a toothbrush, deodorant etc. I  made my  way  to  the lobby  of the hotel  through  the hospital  feeling terribly  afraid and alone. There was some funny  looks when my  only  luggage was an Aldi’s carrier bag.  Still the credit card was good.

I went to  the room, had a shower put on my  lime green pj’s and called room service.  Well of course I  had no  robe and hadn’t thought , the waiter brought in the food on a trolley , whatever he thought of the vision in green he saw before him  he didn’t show a change in face as this little fat woman in lime green pj’s ( that were a little tight) and red hair signed the  chit.

 

I ate my  first decent meal in days and fell into  the bed and passed out.  I slept till the evening and  was going back through  the corridors to  the hospital when I saw two  nurses helping a woman walk .  I realized from the conversation as I  went passed  she was Carla Nash , the lady  who  had been attacked by  a  chimpanzee and was at the clinic  after having a face transplant. I thought they  seem to  be able to  work miracles , will there be one for my  son and a little hope crept back into  my  being. I  saw the trio on more than one occasion  and my  heart went out to  her.

There were other stories during those hours and days as we waited and hoped.

An elderly  man,  some thing of a musician  from what I  gathered from a conversation in the waiting room of hell ,   was dying in the next room. His wife sat by  his bed all day. Later that evening Chris’s nurse asked if it would bother us if his daughter, who  was in one of the symphony  orchestras.  could play  for her father.

As I  sat there masked and gowned and closed off in our glassed in room, the faint sound of a violin  drifted through  the air . It was so surreal , this beautiful piece of music like some heavenly  message easing her fathers passing and reminding me how much  love and pain was happening on the other side of the wall , but beautiful at the same time . The music stopped and so  apparently  had the life of one more human being and their story.

 

 

 

There were of course other stories

The mum who  had been brought in with  a brain aneurism , her family  gathered in the the small ICU waiting room, the tears, the worry , the hope. I don’t know what happened to  her . Others whose lives  crashed into  ours  in that room and then left some in tears and some transferred out of ICU with  smiles. .

After three  days  of no  sleep and actually  pretty  much  on my  own  as far as my  family  I was ready  to  drop .

Once the diagnosis of H1N1 was decided upon  Nikki  and the new baby  couldn’t be put at risk, my  mum  90 , couldn’t take a chance  with  her  and my  husband could only  come for an hour or so. He hated hospitals, Chris knew that  and we knew if he was there holding vigil with me  Chris would KNOW how much  danger he was in , so it had to be…

” Oh  Dad is coming in for a visit”  

There I  was alone in that waiting room from hell. The Lombardis, as Sue stated “will  circle around Angela” , I  definitely  was excluded from that circle. And they  did  numbers of them all chatting and laughing and living. It was so  hard .

Do  you  pray  Loraine? You  aren’t Catholic are you , what plans are you  making ? Do  you  like Tacos? 

However, when Sue was present  it was doubly  hard, she used to  do  and say  the most inane things and it took everything I  had to  keep  my  mouth  shut.

One particular day I got summoned by the nurse in ICU.

Is Chris’s mother in law  attached to  a medical practice? 

No  , why  would you  ask that ?

You  will have to  talk to  your daughter in law , please.  We know SHE is a resident and the nurses don’t want to  make a big deal, but her mother is making a nuisance of herself, going to  talk to  the nurses and looking it at the other patients and giving advice. 

Also,   your daughter in law’s friend has come in and changed the setting  the oxygen machine ( she was also  a resident) and we have had to  reset it, that can’t happen. 

That day I  had to  mention to  one of the sisters that

“Sue was  being Sue and causing concern in the ICU and could someone please tell her not to  continue in that vein”

THAT  did not go  down very  well. They  shot the messenger! Talk went to  a minimum but actually  that was a blessing in disguise.

Even the Clinic security made the “Mother of my Hell “ prove she wasn’t a homeless person camping out in the waiting room with sleeping bags , pillows and food . Why  they  didn’t get themselves a room if they were going to  continue to  “circle Angela” I broached the subject: ,

Sue said Oh no!  far too  expensive!!!!!!”

Well there is plenty  in the account from the fundraiser   isn’t there  at least 35 thousand, you  could use that , after all that is why we had that fundraiser . Oh and by  the way  can I  have the list of donors for Thank Yous. I  have Nikkis list and mine but I know there were so  many  others!

I couldn’t credit her answer  and I  was perplexed :

Sue Lombardi –
“We don’t want people to know the full amount – we aren’t publicizing that. I have opened a safe deposit box for the cash – Angela has access” How do you  know the amounts ?

Obviously  Chris  told me , why  wouldn’t he? He was very  grateful to  everyone that donated. 

 

I said to Chris after one particularly stressful evening

Oh ! Chris you owe me lunch for this, being in that holding area with  them.

 

( having to put up with them and trying to keep my mouth shut – not an easy thing for me, . We certainly  had nothing in common except what I  supposed was the love of our children.  and Chris knew how hard it was 🙂 )

and a lobster lunch at that.

 

He smiled and moved his oxygen mask and said :

” keep them out of here and I will buy you dinner too !”

Most days and nights bled into  one another . I  had no  clue as to  the time of day  of day  of the week. I  would surface for a bit  and memory  comes in fragments of those days of crisis. It is only  as I  write  some flash  of a forgotten memory  of those days in no  particular sequence  come back. ……. and my  gut tightens , a sick feeling comes into  my  soul, an ache for my  child overwhelms me once more .

 

To  be continued……..

February 3, 2022 at 2:29 am 3 comments

January 3rd -No Limits- Chapter 24- Chris Ritchey

 

 

NO LIMITS

Forward: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/01/02/jan-3rd-no-limits-the-forward-chris-ritchey/

Chapter One :https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/02/03/feb-3rd-no-limits-chapter-1-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Two:https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/03/03/march-3rd-no-limits-

Chapter Three: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/04/03/april-3rd-no-limits-chapt-3-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Four: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/05/03/no-limits-chapter-4-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Five: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/06/03/june-3rd-no-limits-chapter-5-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Six: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/07/03/july-3rd-no-limits-chapter-6-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Seven: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/08/03/august-3rd-no-limits-chapter7-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Eight: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/09/03/sept-3rd-no-limits-chapter-8-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Nine: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/10/03/oct-3rd-no-limits-chapter-9-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Ten: NO LIMITS- Nov 3rd- Chapter 10- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Eleven: NO LIMITS-Dec. 3rd- Chris Ritchey- Chapter 11 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Twelve: NO LIMITS-Jan 3rd- Chris Ritchey- Chapter 12 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Thirteen : NO LIMITS- FEB 3rd- Chris Ritchey- Chapter 13 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Fourteen: March 3rd, NO LIMITS, Chapter 14- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Fifteen: April 3rd- No Limits- Chapter 15- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Sixteen: May 3rd – No Limits- Chapter 16- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Seventeen: June 3rd-No Limits-Chris Ritchey-Chapter 17 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Eighteen: July 3rd – NO LIMITS- Chapter 18-Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Nineteen: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2021/08/03/august-3rd-no-limits-chapter-19-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2021/09/03/september-3rd-no-limits-chapter20-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty One:  https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2021/10/03/october-3rd-no-limits-chapter-21-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty Two : https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2021/11/03/nov-3rd-no-limits-chapter-22-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty Three: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2021/12/03/dec-3rd-no-limits-chapt-23-chris-ritchey/

Cleveland – The Dying Time

 NOTE: Two  years ago  today  I started writing  Chris’ story  of his life and time on this poor planet  . I cannot begin to  tell you  the toll these last few chapters have taken upon my  very  being.

I have to  write at night when all is quiet and I  am alone with  my  tears and gutting pain, trying to  swallow back the emotions that erupt out of  the very  depths of me. It is painful and torturous but I promised and I will keep  that promise to  my  son.

despair. by Chris Ritchey

Chris spent a few days being tested after returning to Cleveland , getting fluids. It was the Friday  before Thanksgiving . I had spoken to  Chris on the phone the night before , he wanted to  come home  for a few days but could he come to  our house as  he didn’t want to  add to Nikki’s work, as she had the baby.

I said that was fine, have Angela drive him here if he was a bit wobbly  to  drive  and I  would get a room ready  and  etc.

On that Friday  I was in K Mart getting  new bedding and towels, groceries  that I knew he would eat etc. for him and anything thing else I could think  of to  make him comfortable for when he came home. I knew that his dog Misty would help  , they  so  loved each  other and Misty  missed him terribly.

My  mother and I  were just  getting ready to  go  through the checkout when Angela called on my  cell phone . I became  a little confused as she said:

“Chris, said that you  were going to  come to the apartment and stay  the night with  him as I  have to  be on duty”

This was the first I  had heard of it , but I didn’t say  anything, maybe Chris had not told her he had wanted to come home . I  would ask him when I  saw him.    I  went along with  her and said

Yes I  can come , what time 

she said  she needed me there by  6.

Ok I will bring him supper  and will be there at 6. 

I went home made arrangements  and took the food up  with  me. When I  arrived, just before 6, Angela had already  left . Chris was lying on the couch  looking dreadful. He hadn’t eaten so  I  thought maybe he needed some nourishment . He ate in silence and then said :

 Mum, you  will have to  go  down and let this guy  in he is coming to  bring an oxygen tank

Why?  what is going on, what happened I thought you  were coming home, I  don’t understand. 

Well it seems he never told Angela about wanting to  come home because he had started having difficulty  breathing  they  went to  South Pointe again.  They  prescribed oxygen to  help  with  the breathing, they  though  he might have the flu.

Oh  that damned flu  shot , I didn’t think  it was the flu  I thought that shot is giving a false reading

but then I thought

it can’t be that bad they  would have kept him in.

The man with  the oxygen tank arrived, hooked  up  this cylinder type tank and Chris looked a little better.  After he left Chris wanted to  watch  a movie . I remember his words so  clearly , he was trying to  put on a movie and the exertion of going across the room  took everything he had.

“This is like drowning must be, not being able to  breathe is so  dibilitating , it is worse than the cancer. Mum what ever don’t let me be pathetic because I  am pathetic now” 

Oh Chris you  aren’t pathetic, you  are wonderful I  love you  and this is  the flu.

 

In my  heart of heart  I knew this was not the flu. I didn’t know what to  say  or do  I  just sat an watched the tv screen, I couldn’t even tell you  what the movie was. I just sat in the chair wanting to  scream out loud to  the gods, to  fate, to  whomever and  desperatly  trying not let my son see I was petrified for him.

He would dose off for a few minutes and then wake fitfully. About 11 pm  Angela called:

She said that she had been speaking to  her father and mother and they  decided they  needed to  get Chris back  to  Houston.

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing

Angela,  and her  parents were making arrangements to put Chris  on a damned train to Texas.   They  had made arrangements  for Chris to  leave at three ( four hours from now) she would be home to  help  get him packed  and help  to  get to  the Amtrack station  and take a train to  Chicago , change trains to  Austin and then it was ONLY  a three hour drive to  Houston!

I was incredulous  what were these people thinking ? This young man dragging around an oxygen tank, had to  have help  getting to  the bathroom. He couldn’t even make it downstairs.

For Christ sake those parents might be intellectually  challenged, in my  opinion,  but Angela was a  resident  soon to  be physician, she had to know that would kill him a journey  like that !

Was I supposed to  go with  him him in 4 hours with  just an overnight bag. I really  couldn’t credit what I  was hearing , surely  they  did not expect  Chris to  drag around on his own.

I said there was no  way  that would be possible.

Chris overhearing the conversation was desperate to  get back to  Houston, he thought they  were his only  hope  and he would fight to  get there .

I knew it would be disasterous  to  even attempt that journey  and for ONCE  in this whole fisaco  of Lombardi-ism I put my  foot down and said NO! that was not going to  happen.

I told Chris,

“Look there is no  way  either of us could make that journey and I  WILL be going with  you , trust me on that . I will start calling around for options in the morning , if I have to  charter a plane or hire an ambulance or drive a damned RV to  Texas myself  I will.”

He said

you can’t drive to Texas

I will do  what ever needs to be done I  will call Dr. Younes in the morning and see what HE suggests.

He then slept for a little and I sat up with him all that night watching every  rise and fall of his chest, every  whince, every  sound………

That was the first night  of two weeks of not sleeping for more than three hours at a time………………………….

 

January 3, 2022 at 2:12 pm 1 comment

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