Archive for June, 2023
No Limits-Bk 2-Chapter 4- Beyond the Vale
Chris Ritchey Source
Forward: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2023/02/03/no-limits-bk-2-forward-beyond-the-vale/
Chapter One: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2023/03/03/no-limits-bk-2-chapt-1-beyond-the-vale/
Chapter Two: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2023/04/03/no-limits-bk-2-chapt-2-beyond-the-vale/
Chapter Three : https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2023/05/03/no-limits-bk-2-chapt-3-beyond-the-vale/
Triggers and Premonition
I am finding it extremely difficult to write today , although writing about my son and his journey through his life before he passed and now after, the first week of June is crippling.
I hate the first week of June it is a trigger, the wedding that I dreaded and the lead up to how the Lombardi family crucified all kindness and played a game of utter selfishness as my son lay dying and died. IF THAT WEDDING HADN’T TAKEN PLACE OUR GOODBYES WOULD HAVE BEEN SO DIFFERENT.
Do you believe in premonition? What is it anyway :
Is premonition that little voice in your head, the half remembered dreams, pieces parts of which seemingly come to fruition years down the road? Or how about that gut feeling you have an instant dislike to someone you meet for the first time- a complete stranger no baggage that comes with them except maybe in the future.
I have had these things happening to me all my life – but they never come when I “need them to come”. It doesn’t happen to everyone of my kith or kin –
Why did I look in the eyes of my newly born son all those years ago and turn to my mother and say without thinking
“he has sad eyes- he will have a sad life”
and then dismiss it with
“why ever did I say that”
as post baby hormonal flare ups?
Is that why I spoiled him rotten- gave him everything he wanted – forgave him everything?
And since he was the only other one kith or kin that had “dreams” ( even as a toddler
“mummy that happened before – I dreamt it
– did he know that his life would be cut short somehow? All I know is that damned wedding to Angela Lombardi filled me with dread from the very first moment he sat on the steps with his sister facing his dad and I .
“you had better tell them Chris”
Oh no I thought Angela must be pregnant! No he kept his head down talking to the floor….
” Angela wants to get married”
Chris did not look the happiest I had ever seen him….. something is wrong I thought…
“What about YOU, do you want to get married”
I guess so
said the far from joyful groom to be.
I looked at my son and thought to myself well I can’t see Sue Lombardi wanting this marriage it will be months. Angela had other ideas, she had the date set and the next week we were “bridal dress shopping.
The whole time leading up to this wedding my heart was not in it. I had bad feelings, warnings from my brain and emotional being.
This is not boding well, something is so wrong, this wedding shouldn’t happen.
It would be akin to arriving at an airport and knowing you shouldn’t get on that plane, run every fiber in my body was screaming, don’t let this wedding happen .
But that was nonsense wasn’t it , a young couple , a son I loved with all my heart , I wanted him to be happy ..what was wrong with me? Yes he had had the cancer diagnosis a few weeks before, but that was not it, somehow I knew that wasn’t the reason for the dread.
Chris Ritchey- CIA
I knew when he was first diagnosed with Hodgkins Lymphoma ( the curable cancer , the one you want it you have to have cancer….what Doctor even says that?
Was it my dread of “Cancer” that didn’t want the diagnosis of the “curable cancer”….. that made me look away from the symptoms – not wanting to take that first step on a journey whose ending would cause such unbearable pain. Like the ostrich and the sand did I not want to face what I knew was coming at us sending us into a bottomless well of emotional agony .
Was it already knowing the script when the Doctors kept saying
” test show you are cancer free “
that I wanted to scream at them and his wife :
No!!!!! he isn’t there is something wrong
( three times that happened) and each time the diagnosis eventually came back NOT cancer free at all.
And why do we have these premonitions if we can’t change the outcome? Are they just another instinct we can’t fully utilize –
The White Coat of Dr. Death- by Chris Ritchey
I knew, as I have written before from the dreams and flashes of de ja vu, something wicked was coming for my son and this curable cancer was not going to go away.
I saw him in death surrounded by the Lombardis, a picture in my mind I tried to shake off time and time again on that first day that started the screaming
and yet as I have also written my fears came to pass
E. Munch- 1895
The Lombardis and their kin were poison to be dealt with, their toxicity at the worst time in Chris’ family’s lives and I knew why the premonition of fear of that wedding had been so strong.
How do you know what is real, did we just have a desperate need to know Chris was ( or his energy) still there , somewhere? In those first weeks of the new year, were we collectively hallucinating, going mad in our grief , the three women in Chris Life, his sister, mother and grandmother desperately looking for signs and yet not wanting to appear ludicrous to each other or to others. We kept quiet , except to talk a little to each other, testing the waters so to speak to see how what was happening was really happening to all of us. A ball suddenly rolling across the room, a fragrance of aftershave.
I mentioned what I thought might be happening to a dear friend whose relative “could see” would it be alright to have her come to Nikkis . We just sat talking about every day things, the relative seemed perfectly normal , I didn’t get any weird vibes, what were we supposed to be doing, holding hands around a table , meditating ,no we were just drinking tea and eating cake. around the fire.
All of a sudden the fire flared and the log fell out, which was a little worrying considering there was only one log still burning , but those things happen I didn’t see any collation between that and was we were waiting for.
It was then the “relative” said
“Loraine , Chris is standing behind you
artwork Chris Ritchey
I immediately turned around, I didn’t see or feel anything, but if he was there well I was going to talk to him. You would think I would have asked ,
are you alright, can you give us a sign?please talk to us…….
No! this mother with all the pent up hurt and anger rather angrily stated:
Chris, how could you have married that bitch, do you know what has happened , what are we supposed to do? we are broken we can hardly move with the pain of losing you
You can imagine my reaction was not what the relative who “could see” and my friend were expecting . In fact the relative was more than a little annoyed,
you can’t speak to the spirits that way
Yes I can , if Chris is truly in this room he would expect no less from his mother ! and it is all true , we are going through hell due to his choice of a bride.
Everything was very quiet and the party broke up, my mum laughed and said
well guess that wasn’t in the cards…couldn’t see that I guess.
I felt very guilty and we decided no more “could see” adventures. The just as we were getting ready to go home from the talking truck in the kitchen chimed in ” C is for ….”
to be continued
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