Archive for July, 2012

A Tor – a burrow- hill- an Olympic image- all magic?

The 2012 London Olympics and the UK have found my email box and phone ringing with questions and translations 🙂 which I have tried to explain to the best of my ability. The opening ceremonies were “peculiar” in all definitions of the word in my opinion

1. Unusual or eccentric; odd.
2. Distinct from all others.
3. Belonging distinctively or primarily to one person, group, or kind; special or unique: rights peculiar to the rich; a species peculiar to this area.
1. A privilege or property that is exclusively one’s own.
2. Chiefly British A church or parish under the jurisdiction of a diocese different from that in which it lies.

My mother and I had tears for many reasons – a longing for that we find familiar and comforting , the missing, for me, of shared values and culture- I have found myself, as readers know, “all at sea” lately with the culture of crap and control that surrounds me of late. I feel like I need a translator myself even after living over half my life in Lorain.

But back to the ceremonies- the grassy hill where all the flags fly and was an integral part of the ceremony- some announcers refered to it as a TOR and “peculiar” to Glastonbury Tor in Somerset. Wikipedia has also stated this was the Tor used in the opening ceremonies.
PHOTO Source – Daily Mail
Glastonbury Tor-

Glastonbury Tor – That Strange Hill

The Tor was an islet for centuries, as the floodwaters took a long time to recede. ‘Somerset’ is short for ‘summer settlement’ because the area was too flooded to inhabit in winter. The Tor was called ‘Ynys Witrin’ or ‘Isle of Glass’ (or Isle of Seeing), connected to the mainland by only a narrow strip of land at low tide. The people who recognise it enhance the power of any sacred place. This long period of semi-isolation may have not only preserved the otherworldly nature of the Tor, but also added to its aura of specialness through the eyes of the people.

In archetypal symbolism, hills and high places are like bridges between earth and sky. They represent a link between material reality and the unseen dimensions. The early Celts thought of high places as gods – powerful beings in a world where all nature was inhabited by conscious entities. Roman influence later modified that idea, saying it’s not the hills that are alive, but the gods who live in them. The combination of these beliefs with the special qualities of the Tor made it almost inevitable that Glastonbury Tor would come to be seen as the home of many strange beings.

Fairy stories
The earliest group known to move into the Tor was the fairies. In those days, fairies were nothing like our twee pictures of them. They were described as tall, youthful despite great age, and ‘fair’ – ie. beautiful. At that time they were associated with certain constellations – the Pleiades, Ursa Major, and Sirius. They were said to have brought knowledge to the local people, especially about astrology and healing. Different peoples from all over the world have strikingly similar mythologies.

Photo Source
but it is easy to get confused – the hill and the tree seems to be modelled on a special hill – Burrow Hill , Sommerset which is home to one Alice Temperley

“I was overwhelmed watching the ceremony last night,” Temperley told us on Saturday. “I have grown up under Burrow Hill on my parents’ cider farm – a beautiful hill with one tree [pictured left]. It overlooked our family orchards and the moors towards Glastonbury Tor, which features a chapel on its crest – not a tree.”……”The hill was there the whole way through last night and I thought it was magic, just as our mystical hill has been to us all our lives,”

Magic and mystery- a burrow ( such as Burrow Hill)

In a nutshell: before people came to the archipelago we now call the British Isles, a race of intelligent magical non-humans calling themselves (in Irish, anyway) the Tuatha Dé Danann (“the children of the goddess Danu”) lived there. With the arrival of people and their permanent settlements, the Tuatha Dé Danann continued to muck about in the lives of people, but retreated to the Otherworld, their home world, a world still reachable through places such as fairy forts or fairy burrows. (Interestingly, the “gateways” identified in Celtic stories would not infrequently turn out to be archaeologically significant sites dating to the Neolithic period.)

Fairyland painting by Jack Stokes

So now maybe those who viewed the opening ceremonies will have a clearer understanding of why the tree rose and the people emerged- all part of a romantic and magical history of the place I called home.

What a pity my new home Lorain no longer has that sense of magic and history to draw upon because we all need a little magic and wonderment in our lives.

July 31, 2012 at 1:29 pm 1 comment

Blight – The business of BANK Blight and your chance to talk – Lorain

Update: Looks like after a quick search of the auditors site First Federal Saving Association of Lorain has at least 78 other properties – most in Lorain – dumping could cause more than an issue for my property value- I wonder how many they have already sold “short??? Maybe you might want to check your bank or mortgage company out of interest ( pun intended) see what they are doing?

photo source

Well this blog has been very quiet for a couple of reasons – I am fed up, cheesed off, the negatives are far outweighing any positives and in to the mix came a virus SIGH of course if it is there to get I get the one that they haven’t seen before go figure.

Now normally, not being connected via computer, would have driven me to distraction but not this time. You see I was already shutting down because of being overwhelmed by the “saturated solution of “shite” that has become my world thanks to basically people and their “culture of crap”

So the fact my computer was on vacation for 5 days didn’t bother me at all BUT it is back and running ( for the moment)

I left off the discussion on this blog by linking to Buster’s House and the problems faced in Lorain.

I have new neighbors , who purchased the blue house for 10 thousand dollars (DUMPED( in my opinion) BY FIRST FEDERAL SAVINGS OF LORAIN ) who insist that the front lawn next door to me (the little brown house waiting demolition) IS THEIR OWN PRIVATE PARKING PLACE – even when it is pointed out to them they do not own that property you are met with _

we brought the house next door …

. ERRRRR yeah well- that is the thinking of the new owners I guess – purchasing one old house gives them free reign to use the rest of the neighborhood anyway they wish. Thank You First Federal for dumping because that is what they and banks like them are doing
This morning’s Chronicle Telegram – this article should be read in its entirety

“Alexander said it’s no coincidence that banks have been shedding inventory in response to stricter code enforcement and registries. He said this year banks have done more short sales — sales for less than what is owed on the mortgage — than they have in the last five years. “

AHHHHHHH once again Thank You First Federal of Lorain your poor business decisions are effecting my quality of life –

Can I sue for inflicting emotional distress and loss of monetary value on my own propety perhaps? hmmmmmmmmmmmm

Now the other link here to an email I received this afternoon from Rana Koury

Rana B. Khoury is a writer and researcher whose interests and education span the Middle East and the Midwest. She received her BA in Political Science from American University and her MA in Arab Studies from Georgetown University. She has spent one-year stints living and working in Syria and Singapore. Returning home to Northeast Ohio after spending the better part of the last decade in Washington, DC, she is eager to tell the narratives our bickering politicians fail to hear.

her blog :
Rana writes:

Dear Ms. Ritchey,

I hope this email reaches you well. My name is Rana and I am from Northeast Ohio, around Chagrin Falls area. I’ve been following your interesting blog, especially the discussions about housing in Lorain. I appreciate that you bring these subjects into a public forum – you are certainly doing your community a service.

I am working on a project to document the stories of middle class Ohioans and how their lives have been affected by the economic downturn of the past few years. I am an independent writer and researcher with no agenda except to record narratives that demonstrate how Americans make do. You can read a little more on my blog, although I am still at the very beginning of this undertaking.

I would love the opportunity to speak with you or perhaps your neighbors or friend in the community. I am aware that I am asking a lot – time and personal stories – and I would be extremely appreciative of whatever you or others are willing to give (no obligations). It would be great if we could discuss further. For instance, if you are willing to connect me with others, perhaps we can meet and hang out in a group setting (not with the intention to intrude but rather to be part of your normal activities), then I could conduct more extensive interviews later. But I can also meet with, and hopefully interview, you first.

I have in mind some time after August 6th, as I am traveling before then. I am very much looking forward to hearing back from you! I appreciate your insights on your blog very much, and would love to learn more.




July 29, 2012 at 7:26 pm 3 comments

Linking Landlords- bloggers- and picture this- Lorain

Lisa, over at Buster’s House decided to go see what blog commenter Denise was complaining about – couldn’t be that bad OR could it – you need to see for yourself.
As Seen In Lorain: West 9th Street and Long Avenue

This particular “vintage” house worthy of a postcard at one point in its life is for sale – it has certainly become the snapshot of what is wrong with Lorain

Lisa also points out how the names of the conglomerate landlords have added to the charm on this neighborhood on 9th and Long. Now where have I seen these names before ……….

to be continued but in the meantime Lorain 365 blog has a great reminder for “blue bag recycling campaign”-

July 20, 2012 at 11:29 am 26 comments

“I trail my life behind me like an endless scarf-”

I feel as if I had been in the world a thousand years, and I trail my life behind me like an endless scarf“Act II – The Sea-Gull – Anton Chekhov (1860-1904)

I can relate – sometimes the scarf will twist, knot , catch, pulling at my throat forcing me to stop before I strangle.

Other times the wind of friendship will playfully lift its length from the path that is mine to tread causing the weight to be taken from me if just for a brief moment of respite. The freedom of lightness of days when I danced along on my journey eyes unseeing the succubus of wickedness , deceit and control, selfishness, hypocrisy and disease that lay in wait –

reaching out with bony fingers from the safety of their impenetrable blackness of control to grasp, to catch, to pull me into the realm of unhappiness and the dank decaying darkness of loss of trust .

A brief blinding of my eyes as the folds hid from view their true nature and now the scarf shape shifts and wraps like a serpent around my heart bringing with it the biting cold of their deeds and the obscenity of the cancer.

Yet once again, gentle hands of love and friendship tug and pull me back, loosening the grip of those who dwell in the darkness for just another moment in the light.
Sketch of Isadora Duncan – Jose Clara

It’s discouraging to think how many people are SHOCKED BY HONESTY by and HOW FEW BY DECEIT.”
― Noël Coward, Blithe Spirit


Isadora Duncan

Duncan’s fondness for flowing scarves was the cause of her death in an automobile accident in Nice, France when she was passenger in an Amilcar, and her silk scarf, draped around her neck, became entangled around the open-spoked wheels and rear axle, breaking her neck.

July 16, 2012 at 1:57 pm 6 comments

Nana’s view from the top- Lorain Dude(s) – BLoomin’ Balcony

Our great Nana loves her flowers and since she came to stay with Nag Nog and Poo Bah her balcony has bloomed

Look through any window!

or take a chair

It is a dogs life – Tetley , can’t see a fire hydrant for the flowers- no cocking of the leg allowed!!!

Talk about pond life down below and up above – the balcony beckons

And the little gnome laughed to see such fun and the fairies dance in the sun…..

July 13, 2012 at 3:00 pm 3 comments

BANKS- Banking on Lorain???? – Business of Blight??? Devaluing Lorain

Once again I am feeling at odds with the world of Lorain. I wish I could walk away and take my wounded spirit with me – I can’t . All I can wish for is to get through and maybe have a little peace. That looks once again to be denied to me and this neighborhood thanks to a “BANK“in this case First Federal Savings of Lorain – the ‘community bank?? and their latest decision that ripples out and effects my home. . I believe the people who OK’d these unhealthy mortgages and have caused the ripple effect of foreclosure should be held accountable. Nobody seems to be doing that so I will at least address it because I am involved up to my lessening equity – the banks need to be held accountable.
1121 West 4th Street– I have written about this house in a previous post. How it has been used and abused( pimped by the landlords) and then painted up – split and sold and then foreclosed and then fixed up again and then foreclosed again only to have it purchased back by First Federal Savings of Lorain ( who of course OK’d that mortgage that failed in the first place) from Sheriff’s sale for $28,000 in May of this year and now

Bank will strongly consider financing to owner occupied qualified applicants.
Listing Info for 1121 W 4th St
Most recent information provided by Realty Trust Service, LLC on 07/10/2012 03:58 AM:

•Price: $13,900
•MLS/Source ID: 3331006

Well First Federal Savings of Lorain I have seen and “heard ” the “people” who have come to see your listing . I spoke to a couple of them as the parked on the lawn next door under my dining room window- as I informed them they were parking on another’s property and that it wasn’t a driveway – they knew and didn’t care- they were buying the the blue house? SIGH. Oh! and quite frankly I am dreading the rest of the summer thanks to you and your “business” decisions .

You, First Federal Saving of Lorain have, in my opinion, “dumped your unwanted housing” from $56,000 to 28 thousand (buy back )to 13,900 listing just two months later .great !!! And let us face it – it was your bank that made the decision just a few short years ago by giving a mortgage to someone unable to pay it in the first place that set in motion this chain of events.

You are responsible, in my opinion, for what will ripple out and effect this neighborhood. Don’t forget, you were also the mortgage holder and foreclosed on the other neighborhood house next door 1125, W. 4th street– now scheduled for demolition.

Remember that one? Sold to Henderson then to Parlow for 28,500 then you foreclosed – 12,000 and then ZERO – well it is history – or soon will be ……

Ok! so by my math on just those two houses alone you have lost over $50,000 and also devalued the surrounding property. But that is just “business” and no big deal – you don’t live in my neighborhood! Yes, I am so grateful for your input in my block. Thank you very much First Federal Of Lorain

But you aren’t alone , we in Charleston Village have been putting up with another “banking decision” this time “passing the buck JP Morgan – another foreclosure – Thanks JP Morgan !How what is good for your business is NOT good for Lorain!!!!!

Photo Chronicle Telegram

Mayor Chase Ritenauer said the dispute is typical of the “shell game” cities like Lorain face with banks and former residents in determining the property owner and responsibility for maintenance or demolition of a home. Lorain officials have their hands full.

One in every 240 homes in Lorain was in foreclosure in May, according to RealtyTrac, a real estate website. The overall rate in Ohio was one in 495 and the U.S. rate was one in 639.

Ritenauer would prefer that JPMorgan, which earned about $19 billion in profit last year, pay for the demolition rather than Lorain. The city has been on fiscal watch by the state since 2002 and is facing a $2 million budget hole. Ritenauer estimated demolition will cost at least $10,000.

“There was an inherent risk in them lending the mortgagee that money, the mortgagee didn’t come through and now, in my mind, it’s the bank’s responsibility,” he said. “This, to me, is the cost of doing business for a bank, and they need to step up and knock the building down.”

July 11, 2012 at 1:12 pm 13 comments

Healthy Neighborhoods???- Healthy Tenants? Moral bankruptcy

1714- Long
ED NOTE: You can see the “air conditioner ” pictured in this Morning Journal photo and if you click on to enlarge you can see the satellite dish and the cable and the trash strewn around and lo an behold the empty trash can…

There you have it if the story of Ms Perez being arrested for child endangering

for the disgusting conditions in which she caused her children to suffer daily wasn’t bad enough we have these two upstanding members of our community “allegedly” robbing the place- obviously not mindful for their own “health”

Morning Journal:
Men attempt to break in ‘filthy’ home

Chronicle Telegram

Police were dispatched to Perez’s home at 12:13 a.m. Monday when a neighbor, who knew Perez’s home was empty, reported seeing lights on at the home. The neighbor said two men stole a window air conditioner from the home and then walked out of the house and east on West 17th Street.

According to a police report, police found Emmanuel Rodriguez, 27, and Joe Hernandez, 22, both of Lorain, carrying an air conditioner and plastic laundry container holding a PlayStation 2 and a DVD player. Rodriguez told police the two had found the air conditioner, and the DVD player and PlayStation 2 belonged to Hernandez.

Now obviously these two men must have been desperate in the heat to need this air conditioner, maybe they wanted to keep cool when they played their “HOT” videos and play station.

So let us take a trip to their residences and see what is what
421 W. 15th Street

This property ( which actually has been upgraded) by the owners another “property rental group” Davis Property Rentals – Gina and Jason Davis .. you will be happy to note Mr. Sutton and Mr. Schneider some of the “26 properties listed” ( under at least one of the searches for this “group”) are also your neighbors on other streets.
You will be pleased to know you have help in determining the condition of the neighborhood…..

Hey – here is a thought maybe they can help get the air conditioner replaced- maybe they have a spare. If not try 2625 W. 39th StreetBKS Investments- Brian Schreiber
a quick check 7 under that name – (bit more upmarket than most) but the “Schreiber search turned up Marlene Schreiber ( relationship not known) with another 13– also a neighbor of yours on a couple of streets..

AH!!!! it is a wonderful day in the “neighborhood” – unless you happen to live here ………….

All information taken from Lorain County Auditors site

July 10, 2012 at 2:50 pm 26 comments

For Rent One City- Who dictates the health of your neighborhood?

Photo Source- Morning Journal- Michael Allen Blair

The other day media reports touched off a plethora of comments with regard to holding accountable the actions of a “mother” who lived in squalor, filth and endangered her children by exposing them to all sorts of situations which would disgust even the most jaded among us.
7 filthy kids found in dirty home, Lorain police arrest mother, 28

Some comments on the articles called for drastic measures, some of these were literally over the top BUT it showed the frustration of people-
The usually silent majority of society in Lorain want accountability for this deplorable situation

Generally we, as a society, want children to be safe and protected as they can’t fend for themselves.

As I read of the little one who had been in its own excrement for 4 days – I just felt like throttling the mother or “family” myself…… Can you imagine the heat,the stench, the sores on a little body that come from such a lifestyle, the disease, the flies , and vermin that permeated through that dwelling – what degradation these little ones were exposed to as such a tender age.

It doesn’t bear thinking about . We aren’t living in a third world country or are we? What has happened to Lorain? And what has happened to follow through from Children’s Services- these living conditions should have been reported and steps taken.

Some comments were quick to hold the landlord responsible in this case KTS Enterprise for the living conditions and the argument raised by others ( probably landlords 🙂

the landlord can’t be held responsible for what his tenants do in “their homes’ it is after all their home as long as they pay rent.

Ok! I see the point however- the “business rentals” in this town are “BIG business” for some.

My question to this particular landlord Kent Sutton- of Sutton Rentals, KTS Enterprises and Kent Sutton ( property owner) since you are in the business of rentals- and also to others like you

Do You check the background of your prospective renters? I would think that would be part of good business practice- don’t you ?

Had you checked, even on-line, through the court records you would have found this particular mother was not squeaky clean-

Did she have an income? needed to pay for the rent and utilities?

Are we the taxpayer somehow liable for this rent- is any of our tax money going to enable this situation in “your property?”

Are all your properties certified as free from lead?

Residential Lead-Based Paint Hazard Reduction Act was enacted in 1992. This law is commonly known as Title X (Ten). Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) regulations implementing Title X apply to rental property built before 1978.

I am sure you have since you are in the “business” of rentals taken care of that paperwork- after all it would be important to your business to make sure all the paperwork is done correctly – otherwise it could cost you money -just as poor decisions in the rental businesses are costing the City of Lorain money.

The landlord must also give every tenant the EPA pamphlet, “Protect Your Family From Lead In Your Home,” or a state-approved version of this pamphlet.

A landlord who fails to comply with EPA regulations faces penalties of up to $10,000 for each violation. And a landlord who is found liable for tenant injuries from lead may have to pay three times what the tenant suffered in damages.

Was this done?

Did you not advise this Ms. Perez that maybe your TWO bedroom rental would not be a healthy situation for 7 children

Or was that none of your “business” either- after all how she lives and causes young children to live is none of your business legally – how about morally?

Photo Source Morning Journal

She said she has seen a woman sit on the front of the porch before and she believes it is a tenant. She said she also has seen a man come out of the house with trash bags to put in a trash container, but he never bothered to get rid of the trash on the lawn.

How about 100 percent Garbage pick-up in Lorain so we don’t have to keep having the situation on Apple Avenue- do the Business rental CEO’s and LELA favor such an ordinance –

We all suffer through your “business decisions”

So yes , I am personally holding your “business” somewhat culpable for this situation on 1714 Long and other situations (eg. criminal element renters- can you say background check) that have happened with your “product” and others of your ilk – morally at the very least.

You see Mr. Sutton, it was your own words, stating how you consider rentals a business ( and you are one of the largest in Lorain with your different “enterprises)
You said in the Morning Journal newspaper

We simply assure housing providers that they are running a business not like any other business,” Sutton said.

and you went on to say :

“The housing should be kept up to some condition of the neighborhood.”

Now my question is WHO determines the condition of the neighborhood.

Well, to that end I did just a very quick brief property search on the Lorain County Auditors site on your “ownership of rentals” and that of George Schneider ( even larger than you )
what I found just quickly looking that you both tend to “cluster” on certain streets.

How about 17th Street for instance
Kent Sutton- 338,842,1030,843,839,1142, 833
George Schneider – 206,515,223,219,1020,1018, 1403
Just YOU TWO own- 14 properties in that 17th street neighborhood

Lets us look at 18th Street:
Kent Sutton- 613,930,1009,837,707.1333.608.1031
George Schneider- 502,511,409,1017, 703 and a lot or two?
Another 13 properties

ED NOTE: OH! OH Kent, George’s property may be devaluing yours by the looks of these pictures 😉

32nd Street
Kent Sutton -119,129,201.206,2500,207.215.118,120,200,214,124,1729
George Schneider – 1774, 922
But never mind you have poor old George beat on that street 13 to 2 – what is a few thousand more or less –

Mind you , he has pulled way ahead on some other streets. And I have to wonder if I searched by addresses how many other “business rentals” I would find on those same streets determining the “condition” of the neighborhood

In answer to my question – who is dictating the conditions of the neighborhoods being used as the bar set by LELA and you

The housing should be kept up to some condition of the neighborhood.

The tale of one house on 32nd street Kent Sutton owner 😦 Sigh


ED NOTE: The photos and information are from the Lorain County Auditor’s site and were chosen randomly from the many hundreds of homes listed to the above named landlords.

July 8, 2012 at 9:27 pm 26 comments

My immortality- my eyes- the new keepers of happiness

For many months, as I watched Gavin grow, I have seen this bundle of energy who explodes into life at full tilt all day long reminding me of people I love.

Gavin is a composite of those I love – his daddy’s head, dimples and legs – he was the only baby I have ever seen that was born with defined calf muscles.

His mother’s and great – grandmother’s eyes, mother’s nose and mouth . Chris’s hands ,which were just like his own fathers – his great- grandfather’s way of sitting on the floor and the “screwed up” face smile. And yes! my own son’s- Chris’ temper and penchant for drama – which was also inherited from me – Nag nog. (Apologies to those Target shoppers of last night- due to the

I NEEEEEEEED and WANT that truck!

and the reaction to NO! 🙂

The way Gavin telegraphs, to those watching, his next move, the emotions flitting across his face as quickly as the thoughts in his brain . And you had better be quick- his total lack of fear and curiosity – a personality made of quick silver can lead you to “run” to keep up. I see the people I love all wrapped up in this dynamic little body .

I can assure you all that Gavin’s temper/drama is not a learned behaviour it is in his genes- as neither parent has that particular personality quirk( no! and nor can they even begin understand it) – that part of Gavin definitely came down from me and my heredity . I understand Gavin’s temper – I know what will set him off before he does- just like I knew my son. (The journey)

Luckily, we of the drama, get over our drama quickly , although others tend to sulk- but we do remember why , what and who sets us off- as does Gavin. Still one can hope Gavin will learn to deal with his frustration as he gets older, he will mellow and hopefully the energy will be constructive. I cannot see anything of me in his little face though just in his personality .

Braedyn, now 5 months old , is a totally different personality – takes after his mummy and daddy in that respect – happy , content, loving and an infectious laugh that simply bubbles out of that cuddly little package and no drama ( so far). Braedyn just enjoys all that is put before him. I can’t tell about his hands just yet, the shape of his head is more his mothers as is his nose – his father’s mouth and forehead and penchant for laughter and companionship.

But as Braedyn grows I have realized I have been looking into my own eyes- . This is a very strange experience to look into one’s own eyes -something I can’t quite describe.

It was just a few weeks ago as I was cuddling him, giving him his bottle, I looked upon his little happy chubby face with cheeks like his mummy. Looking down into those blue eyes I realized I was looking at eyes I had seen in a mirror all my life.

Oh! due to age and months of constant tears my eyes have changed – they are now pale , saddened , sodden and swollen – no longer reflecting happiness that once shone through from my soul, or the fire that would spark from time to time , they are no longer bright with joy and laughter.

Braedyn’s eyes, so much like mine now hold the legacy – gone these many months from mine own – joy and happiness are now captured the sparkling blue depths of Braedyn’s eyes .

My fervent hope is Braedyn never loses the happiness in those eyes and that Gavin continues to rush at life his spirit buoyed on with the laughter and love of his little brother who now holds and becomes the keeper of the legacy of my happiness in his eyes .

July 7, 2012 at 10:52 am 5 comments

Time Lapse- July 3rd-Chris Ritchey

1st Mother’s Day card- Christopher Ritchey

Another month has gone- and another 3rd of the month comes round-I know the weeks and months keep passing whilst I am standing still. If I choose to look, I can see through the veil of grief the lines etched upon your father’s face as they become deeper, the slowing of your Nana’s walk and the way her frail little body is bending more and more- her own struggle and pain written there – a countenance of sorrow. Misty no longer the puppy – Gavin who is now a little boy and Braedyn who arrived on the planet months after your death.

Yes I know time has moved on- people have moved on-
you are now just a memory fading in the hearts and minds of most- even those that professed love of you- Do you sometimes creep into their thoughts or have you become

Oh! you remember him what was his name again? Yeah Chris- Chris Ritchey- that was it –

Medical records deemed so important now archived …..unless….. they mistake your death. A phone call……

” Can I speak to Christopher Ritchey please?”

My heart constricts and time stops – I bite my lips as tears stream from eyes in that second’s pause- I choke out the words

” This is his mother – can I help you ?”

IS his mother – not WAS – try not to scream- try to hold onto the present – close your eyes so the world that is whirling about is blocked .

“Oh! Yes — this is the Cleveland Clinic can you remind Christopher he has a PET scan scheduled for tomorrow morning at 9:00 am.”

Tears now awash, flooding from my eyes , their path following the fingers of my hand as it grips the phone against my cheek , the taste of warmth and salt find the corner of my mouth. tears or blood from the biting of my lip- it makes no matter , breathe , the world is out of sync once more as I fight to bring the words up from the depths of my grief.

” Chris died” –

“Excuse me- I am sorry what did you say?”

The words strangle – they will not form, choking , forced from that place of dark reality- an intake of breath- a sharp cold pain – eyes squeezed shut – the words escaping from their imprisonment……
My son Chris, is dead”

Silence – confused – mumbling- from the “scheduling person”

I don’t understand – I am so sorry – there is obviously a mistake- sorry again – is this Chis’s full name- is this his information( which went into detail)- his Dr. ? Dr Pohlman-“

HARD- design Chris Ritchey

Yes! thoughts spinning as I see once again the man, from the Cleveland Clinic- Dr.Pohlman in his crisp starched white coat, beautifully talored slacks, white framed glasses and a small diamond stud catching the flourescent light of his examination room, he of the ice cold hands- he is before me once more- with his charts – every word reaching- pulling me back to the past – the memory of those days of death. The confused voice on the other end of the phone breaks through to the present

Er.. I am so sorry for your loss – I am not sure what happened Sorry I am sorry………

and she hung up

She- presumably went on with the rest of her day scheduling the tests or whatever calls she had to make – unaware she was the unwitting conductor opening once again the portal to a time past filled with anguish and pain..

I was once again in my living nightmare – unable to stop the tears and the missing of you – seeing you hooked up to machines and the “team” Drs. who now smile at me from the television screen selling their miracles——- yes another month and once again time stops with just a phone call…………..

and another night begins and another day — waiting for release ……. as the world rushes on ………. and it is so damned hard !

July 3, 2012 at 10:43 am 4 comments

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July 2012