January | 2023 | That Woman's Weblog

It is the third anniversary of when I started Chris’ journey of his life leading up to the passing and goodbye, every third of the month I have written about my son using his artwork for the most part, as I promised him I would. As of February 3rd 2023 I will be continuing his story, not all will believe but I swear on everything I hold dear , it is the truth .

Three years ago I wrote the forward to my journal and three years later I am still in astonishment as to the world and worlds we occupy:

Jan 3rd- No Limits- the foreword- Chris Ritchey

As I ponder the wisdom of writing the events of life as we know it and death as we believe it to be, I know there will be questions I cannot answer, events I cannot prove.

I am opening myself, my family and my son to a world of naysayers, negativity and ridicule. I will reach the walls with this book. I will push aside and through the walls my peers in this “community” and others have erected for themselves and for me.

Ironically although I have always written the truth whenever I have sat at this keyboard and its predecessors I probably won’t be believed , explanations will abound, logic ( as we perceive things to happen)will come into play .

I have hesitated for months, even years, to tell the story from my self-imposed box. I have written millions of words on my personal blog in the 10 years since my son died. https://www.thatwoman.wordpress.com . I have written his story, I have opened myself and my innermost thoughts and feelings. I have told the tale of cruelty, searing pain and thoughts of suicide. I have exposed myself in ways not many would without fear. So then, why is it I hesitate to share all of our story, a story of continuing love, strength and astonishment?

But first I have to conclude with our goodbye, because this is where it starts:

Since the Clan of the Lombardis and his bride denied Chris’ loved ones any closure after his passing, the most cruelest cut of all, those who loved him beyond all measure, those 4 generations of his blood decided on our private “fare the well” in the woods he so loved.

Three months after Chris passed, still full of pain and not understanding the hypocrisy of Divis and the church ( including Bishop Lennon ( now deceased) I wrote to the head of their church . The Pope . I was answered by Cardinal Foley, at least he answered not so Divis and Lennon….(click on to enlarge)

The trees forming a canopy in our cathedral, the carpet of moss and leaves the floor, the smell of earth and life permeating the air, rather than sickly incense. A cleansing fire, and water. Thinking back on that day the goodbye and honoring Chris was very much of the elements, it wasn’t intentional, although my culture and forbearers were very much of the Celtic persuasion, we did not practice Paganism, but then again I am not of the persuasion of ANY organized religious beliefs.

Although clergy of many denominations offered assistance in trying to ease our grief and the journey of saying goodbye, I was too angry at the way the Catholic Church ( St. Mary’s Lorain), Father

Sharing a laugh – but on whom?

Divis https://www.dioceseofcleveland.org/offices/clergy-religious/directory/daniel-o-divis

and his parishioners in their way of control, did to this family in a time not to be borne by any parent. The cruelty of that man and the Lombardi parishioners made no sense to me when they preach love, kindness and do unto others.

No , the prayers offered up, if any, were private and silent, the thoughts written, and saved in a clearing for perpetuity. It was love pure and simple for a young man who was so loved, his passing changed us all.

There was no choir or even bag pipe music just a gathering of broken souls, screaming in silence. As we each went through our saying goodbye bringing to the afternoon Chris love for all things that made him Chris . The hymns were absent but music filled the air that afternoon. I had heard the rendition of Wild Horse sung by Susan Boyle

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yb3XAP0c8WU
Susan Boyle

In my grief as I listened to the lyrics , they spoke volumes to me ( highlighted words link to posts at the time )

Wild Horses
Songwriters: Richards, K. Jagger, M

Childhood living is easy to do
The things you wanted
I bought them for you

Graceless lady
You know who I am
You know I can’t let you slide through my hand

Wild horses
Couldn’t drag me away
Wild, wild horses
Couldn’t drag me away

I watched you suffer
A dull aching pain
Now you’ve decided
To show me the same

No sweeping exits
Or offstage lines
Could make me feel bitter
Or treat you unkind

Wild horses
Couldn’t drag me away
Wild, wild horses
Couldn’t drag me away

I know I’ve dreamed you
A sin and a lie
I have my freedom
But I don’t have much time

Faith has been broken
Tears must be cried
Let’s do some living
After we die

And Wild horses
Couldn’t drag me away
Wild, wild horses
Couldn’t drag me away

We stood in silence around the fire that burned , fueled by everything that was tangible of the treachery of his bride and her family. We had purchased the CD and a player ( outdoor) for that farewell. However, as Susan sang the CD cut out, started again and then ” I watched you suffer” cut out again.

I was devastated tears rolling down my cheeks in the cold . I look at my “electronic genius of a husband standing holding baby Gavin. “what is happening ” without saying the words.

The music started again right where it left off and the again cut out on the words ” let’s do some living after we die” . By this time I was beside myself thinking damn I can’t even get a CD player to do its job…… then I heard Nikki’s voice :

” Christopher David , stop that we are trying to have the only goodbye we can give you”

The music started again and didn’t cut out . We carried on with our small tribute . Then we put away the items we had taken to the little memorial in the woods,

put out the fire and went inside.

The first thing I had my husband do was check the player. I was going to send it back as defective, I was angry. We played it a dozen times both outside and inside. Neither the player of the CD cut out.

Nana said

“well what was that all about?”

My husband checked he said there is nothing wrong with CD or the player, the power light was on the whole time , I don’t know. Then I said to Nikki :

“why did you say that to Chris, what made you think that”

She looked puzzled and said :

‘Honestly mum, I don’t know….. I just felt that and I could see it was upsetting you and I know how your heart is breaking and I wanted it to go as well as it could our goodbye…, I don’t know why ..just something……….

to be continued as Chris story continues in part two of NO LIMITS……

January 3, 2023 at 2:02 pm 3 comments

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January 3rd – NO LIMITS- Chapter 35- Chris Ritchey

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