Archive for March, 2024
No Limits-BK 2-Chapter 13- Beyond the Vale
Forward: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2023/02/03/no-limits-bk-2-forward-beyond-the-vale/
Chapter One: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2023/03/03/no-limits-bk-2-chapt-1-beyond-the-vale/
Chapter Two: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2023/04/03/no-limits-bk-2-chapt-2-beyond-the-vale/
Chapter Three : https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2023/05/03/no-limits-bk-2-chapt-3-beyond-the-vale/
Chapter Four: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2023/06/03/no-limits-bk-2-chapter-4-beyond-the-vale/
Chapter Five: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2023/07/03/no-limits-bk-2-chapter-5-beyond-the-vale/
Chapter Six : https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2023/08/03/no-limits-bk-2-chapter-6-beyond-the-vale/
Chapter Seven: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2023/09/03/no-limits-bk-2-chapt-7-beyond-the-vale/
Chapter Eight: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2023/10/03/no-limits-bk-2-chapt-8-beyond-the-vale/
Chapter Nine: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2023/11/03/no-limits-bk-2-chapt-9-beyond-the-vale/
Chapter Ten : https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2023/12/03/no-limits-book-2-beyond-the-vale-chapt10/
Chapter Eleven : https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2024/01/03/no-limits-bk-2-chapt-11-beyond-the-vale/
Chapter Twelve: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2024/02/03/no-limits-bk-2-chapter-22-beyond-the-vale/
A NEW REALITY
When Chris passed, after the initial days of “surreality” , it is true , at least for me , it truly was a bizarre state of fact and dreams that were unbelievable. My poor brain tried in vain to sort out what was happening in my new reality. I was left with a new me. I was disjointed, at odds with my grief. I had attended a speech given by Susette Kelo https://ij.org/client/susette-kelo/ as she explained to the audience about her loss of her home and fracturing of her life , she stated that evening:
” I wake from sleep exhausted”
I know now exactly what she meant . What dreams may come…. days were filled with a zombie like existence , pushing or trying to push the “reality” away as it was too painful to bear. Nights… oh! the dreams and fragments of reality that invaded the exhaustion I felt. Waking to pillows wet with tears and for just a moment relieved that it was but a nightmare only it wasn’t – this the new me. Surreal…
I didn’t know who I was anymore , I had no way forward as they say. I suppose the only thing that kept me from my knees was the fact I had so much anger towards the “Lombardi Clan” and their , to this family, despicable behaviour.
I suppose I should be grateful for that anger, it somehow kept me “sane” gave me a focus other than my terrible gut wrenching sorrow.
As , I hope, you can imagine my mind was fragmented, bruised and well I was no longer sure of ME!
To add to my brain overload, I now had the added circumstances of orbs, aromas, talking toys and mists!
I must admit I was torn between wanting to know the truth , was it just wishing for a communication from Chris so hard that I was seeing and believing things that really weren’t there ; finding the abnormal in situations that could be explained logically.
Knowing my pain and the fact that being with baby Gavin , my daughter, would give me time alone with him. Those times she would run to the store or do errands. It was one such afternoon about 3 months after Chris passed. Gavin was in his highchair playing with his food., little bits of banana and making a lovely mess. He brought a smile as the banana was everywhere but his mouth.
All of a sudden he stopped his play looked to the ceiling in the family room which is attached to the kitchen . He reached his little arms up to be held , but he wasn’t looking at me. I followed his gaze and there was an orb moving across the ceiling… I deliberately closed my eyes and opened then again , maybe it was some sort of eye issue, the sun shining through the great window , a reflection of light. Gavin had gone back to his banana and I shrugged it off. My son in law was due home so when the door to the kitchen area opened, which separated the side door from the garage, I thought it must be him coming home through the garage. I set about cleaning Gavin’s little face waiting for his father.
He seemed to be in no hurry to come in , I was a bit concerned because of the draft on the baby. Then the aroma of his aftershave wafted through. It gave me a turn because he and Chris used the same product ( probably because my daughter would purchase the fragrance as a gift) and I had a “hold my breath” moment. The aroma brought back so many memories and I truly was anxious as to hiding my feelings from Gavin and my son in law.
No more tears today please, I can’t deal with this
were the thoughts that came through . I went to the door to see where Jim was and to tell him I was shutting the door due to the draft. He wasn’t there. No-one was, the aroma continued for a good minute , Gavin playing happily oblivious to the fact his grandmother was wondering if she had lost it altogether.
My daughter came home , I wasn’t going to say anything in case she worried I was going doolally and shouldn’t be left alone with her son. However, as she came into the room the talking toy started to sing at us again .
I told her what had happened and she said.
I believe you mum , so many things have been going on. I think we have to acknowledge this maybe Chris trying to get through from wherever. Can you imagine trying to reach through and being ignored or not believed? How horrible would that be. Let us continue making the notes and pictures and discounting what could be something else , a co-incidence but if it is Chris we owe it to him to believe. ……
To be continued
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