July | 2021 | That Woman's Weblog

Archive for July, 2021

Houston and Home:

After the emotion and angst of the previous night , Chris and I slipped into the ” don’t mention , don’t dwell on it” mode. We went through the motions, he pretended he was fine, filled out the daily reports as to his well being and lied on them and I pretended not to notice or mention his pain.

When you are on a “trial”, apart from the tests, they require paperwork. When his pain was at a level 8 he would put down a 3.

Patients, who have been diagnosed as terminal and are given a last chance for a cure are not going to write down anything that might get them taken off the trial and a last chance of hope. Chris was no different in that aspect of trial information. He wanted so much to live , even if it was only to 50 years old. He wanted life, HIS life and he was fighting for it every day.

I watched , as unobtrusively as I could, my heart breaking, not wanting to overstep my bounds. When he would go out I would cry in the bathroom , in case he came back in and would catch me in tears. I hated that bathroom. The mirrors that didn’t lie, the plethora of pills for pain next to the normal things like toothbrushes and shaving items.

We had a respite from Houston, Chris was allowed to take a few days back to Cleveland , they could do the bloodwork there. I kept the apartment, and we turned in the rental car at the airport. We sat in the waiting room . I pretended to read whilst he talked to Angela. He decided to go to Nikki’s first and pick up his beloved truck., which he had left there when they first flew to Houston a month before.

That truck was supposed to be a symbol of normalcy after the first diagnosis and the “it is cured” . The lease was up on his previous vehicle and I remember Nikki telling me

“Mum he has to have that truck , he has been through so much he has to have something good that he wants “

I too, had a car I loved, but I guess I was getting a bit too old and plump to get in and out of it anymore. I have always liked cars , leftover from my dad I suppose. My dad’s wish was to one day have a Pontiac Trans Am.

I was trading in my sensible Ford Cougar and car shopping when I noticed in the lot a bright blue Pontiac Trans Am with spoiler and T top and it was love at first sight. My middle age crisis car I suppose. It went home with me that day much to my husbands annoyance but to Chris’ delight.

I had given Chris the use of it for a few months as the mileage allowance on his lease car ( for which we were paying) was adding up. I drove his lease car and he had the Trans Am to go back and forth to Cleveland and work.

I realized Nikki was right he had to have something to celebrate and if it was a Black Ford 150 with bells and whistles so be it. I gave him the Trans Am and said trade it in on a truck to help with the payments.

“Are you sure mum, I know you love that car”

I wanted to say:

not as much as I love you ,

but instead I said:

well Chris it is starting to have some issues and frankly I am finding it hard to get in and out and the seat is hurting my back…….

Chris and his dad drove off with the Trans Am and came back with his truck.

Chris drove back from the airport with his dad and I , we dropped him off at Nikki’s to pick up his truck. We didn’t go in I wanted Nikki and Chris to have some alone time. I don’t know what they talked about, maybe Nikki , too, felt it better to not bring up the sore subject of Angela’s behaviour towards us.

Being home was good but I was on edge , not seeing Chris and what was happening with him physically felt like a huge hand was clutching at my throat the whole time.

Oh! he would call and I would say how are you etc, etc, and he would say “fine”. Then one day he called the had to come into Lorain to pick up and item he had ordered in Houston , maybe we could have lunch. I said

“sure , do you want me to make something , you want to come here see Dad and Nana and Misty ? “

He hesitated :

No! why don’t you and Nikki meet us ( himself and Angela) at Applebees , just you and Nikki!

I realized then this was his way of getting the 4 of us back together in a place that wouldn’t lend itself for any issues we might have after the Houston happening. I had not heard directly from Angela and wasn’t aware if Chris had mentioned anything about our conversation of that horrible night. It would be neutral ground.

It was a strange sort of lunch, again there was an elephant in the room atmosphere , nobody talking about what they were really thinking, chit chat about food, trying to be normal, smiling . It was very strange for Nikki and I. I would also imagine for Chris and Angela as well.

I watched Chris and what he was “not” eating. I was left once again worried he had lost weight. I tried to tell myself I was imagining things and worrying too much. I also noticed he took two pain meds out of his shirt pocket and quietly took them .

It was agreed at that lunch, Chris would come to Nikki’s on October 3rd , I would fly back alone to Houston and get the apartment ready and food in . Jim, would take the week off and drive back with Chris in his truck, stop at a couple of place like New Orleans, go wild boar hunting and then fly home . Nikki , of course, had her little baby so would have to stay home and my husband and my mother would take care of each other.

I acquiesced to this arrangement but I hated it , the premonition of bad things happening was so strong . I understood Chris need to see some of the country and do something normal for a change. But I couldn’t shake the feeling taking the truck was not a good thing………

Back to Houston.. to be continued …

July 3, 2021 at 1:19 pm 1 comment

M	T	W	T	F	S	S
			1	2	3	4
5	6	7	8	9	10	11
12	13	14	15	16	17	18
19	20	21	22	23	24	25
26	27	28	29	30	31

That Woman’s Weblog

Archive for July, 2021

July 3rd – NO LIMITS- Chapter 18-Chris Ritchey

Recent Comments

Blogroll

OH Her Again

Categories

Archives

Email Subscription

Meta

Pages