Archive for October, 2018
Sherrod Brown and Hospice THANK YOU- Lorain
This blog has been all about death and dying recently – more so than usual. It has been a long 6 months since my mum was put under Hospice Care. I have to give a shout out to Mercy New Life Hospice – Kolbe Road. https://www.mercy.com/locations/specialty-locations/hospice-care-palliative-care/mercy-new-life-hospice
because their nurses and aides helped me keep my promise to my mum that she would stay in what became her home here with us.
It was NOT easy, anyone that tells you that being a “carer ” 24 hours a day 7 days a week will not leave you drained, frustrated , emotionally pulled in so many directions has not walked that path.
I found myself having to do things for my mum in those last weeks that I hated doing and she hated having done. She could tell by my face that I was struggling with things. I was never cut out to be a nurse , never wanted to care for the ill but you do things you never thought you would because of love. There were times I didn’t think I could keep my promise as lifting and being “on duty” 24/7 took their toll physically, my husband and I were the walking wounded to begin with. Thank goodness for my daughter who stepped up to the plate on more than one occasion.
And then all of a sudden she was gone, my job was gone as well, it has taken many days not to listen for the sound of her “chimes” calling me upstairs to help her. Not to look at the clock , not to wake at 3 in morning and get up and check on her. The days of trying to find something she could eat or might tempt her to eat put aside. Tea was her elixir of life in this house.
I am grateful to the Doctors , nurses and aides because those last months she and I didn’t have to worry about the prescription coverages, the medical bills. WHY because she was covered by insurance and why was that ?
Regular Readers will remember this time last year I was fighting the gatekeepers . Kasich , the Governor of Ohio , had done away with the medical program under which my mother was covered and paid into for decades. People who should have known a way forward did not help this 98-year-old woman , bureaucracy abounded and for months I fought and cajoled only to be turned away by the local Social Security Offices ( Medicare) – Job and family Services – all this is documented and one day I will write in-depth the whole sorry fiasco. I was at my wit’s end for so many weeks – I was helpless – ME who can cut through the crap to solutions stymied , lost in a healthcare limbo, not knowing where to turn next.
On November 6th we will be voting , I am in a quandary as to how most of my votes will be cast BUT there is one person who will receive my vote as well as that of my family Sherrod Brown – https://www.brown.senate.gov/
Why???? because his staff in Lorain and “his” caring , expertise and knowledge of the medical system, federal programs cut through all the gobbledegook I was facing and pointed us in the direction of HELP when not one other agency or politician would or could.
Still the confusion with bureaucrats and up jumped Muppets of Medical abounded BUT now I had people with knowledge to help us through and that was totally thanks to Sherrod Brown and his offices. Because of that my mum and I only had to deal with “dying” and could access the medical assistance she needed .
So yes this is a political “Vote For” post but I know in my heart of hearts this man and the people he employs CARE and cared when I needed the help the most. I am not a Democrat or Republican and haven’t ever before asked anyone to “vote For” but I am doing so now and I take this plea very seriously please vote for Senator Sherrod Brown thank you ………..
The Dance ended- the room emptied- Mum 2018
Will you write about me? What will you say? You won’t forget me ?
Yes mum I will write about you , but not an obituary after all how could I put into 200 or at the most 450 words the life lived for 99 years ? I could fill that space with just the last 5 months. I did write a special post on your 97th birthday which covered some highlights of your life
“My mum is gentle , sweet, never sees the bad in people ( sometimes a failing), can bake for Britain, loves people with a depth beyond knowing, always makes excuses for their not so nice behavior, and has a strength to her that has sustained her for 97 years.
I don’t know what I will say I never know until I sit down at the keyboard but I am sure nothing I can write can do you justice to people who do not know you or know you well.
You won’t write the bad bits will you? I didn’t put the bad bits in my book
Cover Design Chris Ritchey
“ROY ( my father) was on leave from the Navy for 4 days. He phoned on the Sunday and we were to be married by special license in the little church on the Ridgeway , Mill Hill on the Monday.
What a day for a wedding France had surrendered and our guests were more concerned with the war news”
SOURCE
After the reception we left Roy’s home to “go away” Where? we had no idea . Uncle Jack had kindly lent us the Humber. As he stood at the door waving us off he said: “You look such a couple of kids no one will take you in” I was silent as we sped along the great North Way – this was June and the last time I had seen Roy was the previous Christmas when we became engaged”
I promise I won’t add to what I have already written and you have already seen and read. I have written reams about you every birthday for the past 10 years, your life with us, I will not add to what has already been written of those times . BUT mum those bad bits and terrible times were your finest hours the adversity and pain you faced showed your absolute courage and strength of purpose.
‘No , not the bad bits that only you know…
Ok mum but what about the artist that wanted to paint you nude?
NO certainly not I only found out in time he wanted to paint my breasts as a back splash for the hot and cold taps in his kitchen .
There are hundreds of people all over this world whose lives you touched in your 99 years. You always found the good in even those that hurt you and caused life changes , you were so different from myself. I could never forgive those that caused you pain. I did put up with at least one of them for your sake, you never made or wanted fuss and confrontation.
The only people you never forgave was the Tim and Sue Lombardi clan and their offspring ( Angela Lombardi ( Ritchey) Murphy, ( she has a steel rod up her back were your words just a few days ago , very cold) so unlike you but they caused this family great hurt and in your words were unconscionably cruel to your loved ones in the passing of your long-awaited grandson Chris .
It was the only time you didn’t tell me to “forget and forgive”, probably knowing as well that is never going to happen.
No mum we will never forget you , you were a stabilizing force in all our lives, kind to a fault, funny even in those last days trying to bring a smile to those having to watch the Danse Macabre .
You were always so worried that you would have to go into a home,
“I am not afraid of dying it is what you have to die with that worries me”
She hated the thought of a long drawn out death that she would not be in her own bed. and would be surrounded by strangers . I promised her that she would remain with us in this house, in her own bed and she would always be clean and her bedding fresh but there was nothing I could do about the months it took for her to slowly disappear . She hated the loss of her independence , such an independent little soul, not to be able to contribute to the work load around here but was adding to it .
Mum tried every day to “help” even when her little body was less than 60 lbs.
Finally came the days when she was bedridden and needed help to do the simplest task such as eat or drink, no longer having the strength . No longer could she sit among the flowers on her balcony , only viewing through the window in her bedroom. She did not deserve to have to wait for her death this way and I am angry that she lost the things in dying what she so treasured in life, privacy, independence but I tried my utmost to give her the dignity she so deserved that was denied my son, in that at least Nikki and I succeeded.
“I am so tired, exhausted, I know I won’t see those little boys grow up , I love them so much they are held in my heart , make sure you tell them. Make sure they always have a Christmas present from me.
My mum made her arrangements in 1992- and nothing changed -she once again thought of others even those long years ago , just as she had made life easier for me as her daughter in life , she did so as she passed. I got to hold her hand , sing her the songs of my childhood , songs she sang to me to quiet my bad dreams or pain hoping that it would help calm her journey and take away the fear we all must face. She slipped past me quietly without fuss or drama , her granddaughters words of love bringing a quiet smile.
No mum we won’t forget you , how could we you are in your granddaughter’s eyes, Braedyn’s laugh and Gavin’s kind heart……………..You are in the collective memory of nieces nephews, some of whom are in their 70’s and 80’s whom you knew and held as babies, who came to stay with you over the years, of friends who became family…… as for me I cherish your spirit and always will……. til we meet again……..
A mother understands what her child does NOT say
Oct. 3rd -Danse Macabre- Chris Ritchey
Bauhaus-Archiv Berlin /Source Once again, I am locked into a performance with death. I am exhausted and angry as I watch this thief of life steal everything that is and was your Nana and my mum, just as I stood helpless as you too were locked into this grim dance of reality that faces us all.
The purloiner of life has taken the light from her blue eyes, made them red ringed and pale, her smile just a memory , as she waits , she has disappeared within her own body as it stubbornly clings to life and the loved ones around her . She is caught between the notes as the music of death is played, no longer having the strength to walk , sit or feed herself without help , her pride of independence, privacy, modesty gone , slowly drained buy the vampiric interloper and yet it seems that is not enough- still the dance partner of death continues the performance, sapping her of what is left of her , cruel in its movements as the tune reels and swirls, no respite or quarter given.
The difference with you, my darling son there was another dance partner , who lent strength to my body and soul- that of HOPE. Hope was my partner, the hours of driving, the meals, the days and nights of care, the medicines , doctors and trials would work . Parallel days with the dance I am once again intertwined , unable to find escape cold grasping fingers refusing to let me go, crushing my heart. Another August, September , October and the dance continues , the music raucous and disjointed – a cacophony of jarring notes , breaking the peace.
October 3rd , the last time you were home with your family, filled with hope that Houston would be the answer to stopping the dance, but hope, although strong in our hearts, was not enough to combat the “danse macabre” …… and now once again the robber of life has entered our home and our very beings..
and ripped from us joy , hope and laughter. I love you Chris and I know you will be here for your Nana as this final dance ends…………
Chris Ritchey Source
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