Archive for October, 2018

Sherrod Brown and Hospice THANK YOU- Lorain

This blog has been all about death  and dying recently – more so  than usual. It has been a long 6 months since my  mum was put under Hospice Care. I have to  give a shout out to  Mercy New Life  Hospice – Kolbe Road. https://www.mercy.com/locations/specialty-locations/hospice-care-palliative-care/mercy-new-life-hospice

because their nurses and aides helped me keep  my  promise to  my  mum that she would stay  in what became her home here with  us.

It was NOT easy, anyone that tells you  that being  a  “carer ” 24 hours a day  7 days a week will not leave you  drained, frustrated , emotionally pulled in so  many  directions has not walked that path.

I found myself having to  do  things for my  mum in those last weeks that I   hated doing and she hated having done. She could tell by  my  face  that I  was struggling with  things. I  was never cut out to  be a nurse , never wanted to  care for the ill but you  do  things you  never thought you  would  because of love.  There were times I  didn’t think  I  could keep  my  promise as lifting and being “on duty” 24/7 took their toll physically, my  husband and I  were the walking wounded to  begin with.  Thank  goodness for my  daughter who  stepped up  to  the plate on more than one occasion.

And then all of a sudden she was gone, my  job was gone as well, it has taken many  days not to  listen for the sound of her “chimes”  calling me upstairs  to  help  her. Not to  look at the clock , not to  wake at 3 in morning and get up  and check on her. The days of trying to find something she could eat or might tempt her to  eat  put aside. Tea was her elixir of life in this house.

I am grateful to  the Doctors , nurses and aides because those last months  she and I  didn’t have to  worry  about  the prescription coverages, the medical bills.  WHY because she was covered  by  insurance and why  was that ?

Regular Readers will remember this time last year I  was fighting the gatekeepers . Kasich  , the Governor of Ohio , had done away  with  the  medical program under which  my  mother was covered and paid into  for decades. People who  should have known a way  forward  did not help this 98-year-old woman , bureaucracy  abounded and for months I  fought and cajoled only  to  be turned away  by  the local Social Security  Offices ( Medicare) – Job and family  Services – all this is documented  and one day  I will write in-depth  the whole sorry  fiasco.  I was at my wit’s end for so  many  weeks – I  was helpless – ME who  can cut through  the crap  to  solutions  stymied , lost in a healthcare limbo,  not knowing where to  turn next.

https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2018/02/21/the-gatekeepers-keeping-us-out-part-one/

On November 6th  we will be voting , I am in a quandary  as to  how most of my  votes will be cast BUT there is one person who  will receive my  vote as well as  that of my  family  Sherrod Brownhttps://www.brown.senate.gov/

 

 

Why????  because his staff in Lorain and “his” caring , expertise and knowledge of the medical system, federal programs   cut through all the gobbledegook I  was facing  and pointed us in the direction of HELP when not one other agency  or politician  would or could.

Still the confusion  with  bureaucrats and up jumped Muppets of Medical abounded  BUT  now I  had people with  knowledge to  help  us through  and that was totally  thanks to   Sherrod Brown and his offices.  Because of that my  mum  and I  only  had to  deal  with  “dying” and could  access the medical assistance she needed .

So  yes this is a political “Vote For” post  but I know in my  heart of hearts this man and the people he employs CARE  and cared when I  needed the help  the most.  I  am not a Democrat or Republican  and haven’t ever before asked anyone to   “vote For” but I  am doing so  now and I  take this plea  very  seriously  please vote for Senator Sherrod Brown thank  you ………..

October 28, 2018 at 5:21 pm 1 comment

The Dance ended- the room emptied- Mum 2018

 

Will you  write about me? What will you  say? You  won’t forget me ?

Yes mum I will write about you , but not an obituary  after all how could I put into  200 or at the most 450  words the life lived for 99 years ?  I could fill that space with  just the last 5 months.  I did write a special post on your 97th  birthday  which  covered some highlights  of your  life

https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2016/02/10/in-the-pink-97-years-and-counting-mum/

My mum is gentle , sweet, never sees the bad in people ( sometimes a failing), can bake for Britain, loves people with a depth beyond knowing, always makes excuses for their not so nice behavior, and has a strength to her that has sustained her for 97 years.

I don’t know what I  will say  I never know until I sit down at the keyboard  but I  am sure  nothing I  can write can do  you  justice to  people who  do  not know you  or know you  well.

You  won’t write the bad bits will you? I  didn’t put the bad bits in my  book

Cover Design Chris Ritchey

https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2010/09/12/long-time-passing-gone-to-fighting-everyone/

“ROY (  my  father)  was on leave from the Navy for 4 days. He phoned on the Sunday and we were to be married by special license in the little church on the Ridgeway , Mill Hill on the Monday.
What a day for a wedding France had surrendered and our guests were more concerned with the war news”
SOURCE
After the reception we left Roy’s home to “go away” Where? we had no idea . Uncle Jack had kindly lent us the Humber. As he stood at the door waving us off he said: “You look such a couple of kids no one will take you in” I was silent as we sped along the great North Way – this was June and the last time I had seen Roy was the previous Christmas when we became engaged”

https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2010/09/17/long-time-passing-gone-to-fighting-everyone-part-three/

I promise  I won’t add to  what I have already  written and you  have already   seen and read. I have written reams about you  every  birthday for the past 10 years, your life with  us, I will not add to  what has already  been written of those times .   BUT  mum those bad bits and terrible times were your finest hours the adversity  and pain you  faced  showed your absolute courage and strength of purpose.

‘No  , not the bad bits that only  you  know…

Ok mum  but what about the artist that wanted to  paint you  nude?

NO certainly  not I only  found out in time he wanted to  paint my  breasts as a back splash for the hot and cold taps in his kitchen .

There are hundreds of people all over this world whose lives you  touched in your 99 years.  You  always found the good in even those that hurt you and caused life changes , you  were  so  different from myself. I could never forgive those that caused you  pain. I  did put up  with at least one of them for your sake, you  never made or wanted fuss and confrontation.

https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2011/09/26/what-are-they-thinking-the-thought-process-stops-here/

 

The only  people you  never forgave was the Tim and Sue Lombardi  clan and their offspring ( Angela Lombardi ( Ritchey) Murphy, ( she has a steel rod up  her back were your words just a few days ago , very  cold)  so  unlike you but they  caused this family  great hurt and in your words were unconscionably cruel to  your loved ones  in the passing of your long-awaited grandson Chris .

https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2010/10/14/an-open-letter-mama-sue-lombardi/

https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2010/12/04/dec-4th-how-cold-is-cold-lombardi/

It was the only time you  didn’t tell me to  “forget and forgive”, probably  knowing as well that is never going to  happen.

No  mum we will never forget you , you  were a stabilizing force in all our lives, kind to  a fault, funny  even in those last days trying to  bring a smile to  those having to  watch  the Danse Macabre  .

https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2018/10/03/oct-3rd-danse-macabre-chris-ritchey/

You  were always so  worried that you  would have to  go  into  a home,

“I am not afraid of dying  it is what you  have to  die with  that worries me”

She hated the thought of a long drawn out death  that she would not be in her own bed. and would be surrounded by  strangers . I promised her that she would remain with  us in this house, in her own bed and she would always be clean and her bedding fresh  but there was nothing I could do  about the months it took for her to  slowly  disappear . She hated the loss of her independence , such  an independent  little soul, not to  be able to  contribute to  the work load around here  but was adding to  it .

Mum tried every  day  to  “help” even when her little body  was less than 60  lbs.

Finally came the days when she was bedridden and needed help  to  do  the simplest task such  as eat or drink, no  longer having the strength . No  longer could she sit among the flowers on her balcony , only  viewing through  the window in her bedroom.  She did not deserve to  have to  wait for her death this way and I  am angry  that she lost the things in dying what she so  treasured in life, privacy, independence  but I  tried my  utmost to  give her the dignity  she so  deserved that was denied my  son, in that at least Nikki  and I  succeeded.

“I am so  tired, exhausted, I know I  won’t see those little boys grow up , I  love them so  much  they  are held in my  heart , make sure you tell them. Make sure they  always have a Christmas present from me.

My  mum  made her arrangements in 1992- and nothing changed -she once again thought of others even those long years ago  , just as she had made life easier for me as her daughter in life , she did so as she passed.  I got to  hold her hand , sing her the songs of my  childhood , songs she sang to  me to  quiet my  bad dreams or pain hoping that it would help calm her journey and take away  the fear we all must face. She slipped past me quietly without fuss or drama , her granddaughters words of love bringing a quiet smile.

No  mum we won’t forget you , how could we you are in your granddaughter’s eyes, Braedyn’s laugh  and Gavin’s kind heart……………..You  are in the collective memory of nieces nephews, some of whom are in their 70’s and 80’s whom you  knew and held as babies, who  came to  stay  with  you  over the years, of friends who became family……  as for me I  cherish your spirit and always will……. til we meet again……..

A mother understands what her child does NOT say

 

 

October 18, 2018 at 5:30 pm 13 comments

Oct. 3rd -Danse Macabre- Chris Ritchey

 

Bauhaus-Archiv Berlin /Source 

Once again,  I am locked into  a performance with  death. I am exhausted and angry  as I  watch  this thief of life steal everything that is and was your Nana and my mum, just as I  stood helpless as you  too  were locked into  this grim  dance of reality  that faces us all.

The purloiner  of life has taken the light from her blue eyes, made them red ringed and pale, her smile just a memory ,  as she waits , she has disappeared within her own body  as it stubbornly  clings to  life and the loved ones around her . She is  caught between the notes as the music of death  is played, no  longer having the strength to walk , sit or feed herself  without help , her pride of independence, privacy, modesty  gone , slowly drained buy the vampiric interloper and yet it seems that is not enough-  still the dance partner of death  continues the performance, sapping her of what is left of her , cruel in its movements  as the tune reels and swirls, no  respite or quarter given.

 

The difference with  you, my  darling son  there  was another dance partner , who  lent strength  to  my  body  and soul- that of HOPE.  Hope was my  partner,  the hours of driving, the meals, the days and nights of  care, the medicines  , doctors and trials  would work . Parallel days with  the dance I am  once again intertwined , unable to   find escape cold grasping fingers refusing to  let  me go, crushing my  heart. Another August, September , October and the dance continues , the music raucous and disjointed – a cacophony  of jarring notes , breaking the peace.

October 3rd , the last time you  were home  with  your family, filled with  hope that Houston  would be the answer to  stopping the dance, but hope, although strong in our hearts, was not enough to  combat the “danse macabre” …… and now once again the robber of life  has entered our home and our very  beings..

and ripped from us joy , hope and laughter.  I love you  Chris  and I  know you  will be here for your  Nana  as this final  dance ends…………

Chris Ritchey Source

October 3, 2018 at 10:38 am 4 comments


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