No Limits | That Woman's Weblog

Emotions ran riot in those hours after Chris passed, pummeled by disbelief, anger, physical pain, gut-wrenching sobs breaking the silence, sheer agony, feeling so lost, no source of comfort except a little toy bear given to me by my son. The smell of my son still on his shirt.

The funeral home: I tried as hard as I could to go across that alley way from my back garden to the funeral home parking lot. I stood at the gate unable to move. Thoughts bombarding me , after the “arrangement visit at the funeral home” I knew I didn’t trust myself. Their way was not our way , I knew I would be a red flag to the “bull ( cow)” of Sue Lombardi, it was better I stayed with the baby for my own sanity.

Artwork Chris Ritchey

The Lombardis, had agreed to the cremation at that making of the arrangement meeting ( less than 20 hours after Chris drew his last breath), Thanks to my son in law over riding Sue Lomabardi’s desire to have his ( or a ) coffin to decorate.

IF HE IS TO BE CREMATED AND NO COFFIN WHAT WILL WE DECORATE”

My poor daughter , who just the day before had lost her brother came home from that meeting broken and also angry

” How can they be so cruel, Angela just sat there, Sue ran the show- because that is what it was mum – all show- Sue wanting him in the ground just so she could decorate his coffin!”

Thankfully Jim mentioned how when he drove Chris to Houston Chris had told him if anything should ever happen , as he shoveled down his throat more of the pain killing drugs, He wanted to be cremated and thrown into the Grand Canyon!

It was decided Chris’ ashes would be divided , Angela, his wife of course for her goodbye and closure, Nikki , as his sister and a trip to the Grand Canyon and a portion for his dad and me for our farewell.

The fact my little family, who did attend, were told as Sue expanded on her wishes with how the funeral arrangement should be handled and Nikki interjected…. and was dismissed with a wave of the hand , and the statement ,

” it was not “their” wishes ( meaning Nikki and Jim and our family) it would be Lombardi’s wishes that were important…..( the bride and her mother)

I cannot begin to tell you how that news effected me. I knew then I couldn’t go 24 hours later to the funeral home .As it turned out it was just as well I didn’t – The ME that was raw and not in control of her emotions would not have gone quietly into that place: Anger would have reared its head, the only emotion that was allowing me to stand upright.

I wrote an open letter a few months later, when people felt comfortable telling me what had happened at that funeral home visitation, as mentioned in the last chapter, to Sue Lombardi: excerpt here

An open letter – “Mama Sue” Lombardi

Apparently , you took it upon yourself to assail some of the people who came to pay their condolences at the “visitation” planned by you and yours as to MY reasoning for not being there – Sue you said:

“Can you believe it, his own mother isn’t even here! She boycotted the funeral because it wasn’t done her way!”

“You cannot believe what we have had to put up with”

AND

“Yes, she’s an UNNATURAL mother.”

I am perplexed as to your apparent lack humanity and feelings toward those that grieve especially another mother.

You see YOU and yours stood by my son’s bed in his final moments, leaving no room for his own father …. it wasn’t even given to me to look at the face of my husband as our child died but that of YOUR husband.

And HOW he could have looked into my eyes as my son drew his last breath and see what I KNOW he saw in those eyes as I looked up into “HIS face” and then HE enabled YOU and his daughter to take from us our closure sickens and makes me question even his humanity– certainly compassion was and is absent!

My husband, who tried so hard, three times to stay in that place of mourning at YOUR visitation . The prancing about and smiling by your other daughter in front of his son’s photo and no tears shed drove him away , the fact YOU had complained

“what are we going to decorate”

when you found out there would be no casket, sickened him as he gazed on the receiving line of grief as he thought of your concern for decorating as being paramount.

It was more than he could do to stay but he tried – he felt there was no honor in your attitude toward his son.

Your stoney face and holier than thou stance finally took its toll on him – he was brought back home for good. And it seems he was right, as you had other things more important than honoring his son, criticizing and insulting me was first and foremost apparently. ”

“CAN YOU BELIEVE ……”

YOU were witness to the most private , personal, poignant and heartbreaking moments between a mother and her dying child.

YOU stood there with your relief ( because it was relief I saw in your face )- a mother’s relief that your daughter wouldn’t have to be dealing with an invalid) waiting and hovering like some black crow over its carrion .

How COULD YOU ? as a mother who watched as another mother saw her child die – the most emotionally terrifying moment any mother can face – the unbearable pain that comes with those final moments as your child slips from this realm. HOW COULD YOU?

After witnessing that moment then HOW COULD YOU? decide 3 days later it is appropriate later to tell anyone who would listen “your thoughts of her“ as they came to grieve for the child she brought into this world and watched leave –

E. Munch- 1895

All the while I was trying to process what was happening in my world, I was flashing back to my nightmares and premonitions of this happening all those months before. It had come to pass – my premotions were true, the nightmare was true! Only, I couldn’t wake up from that nightmare ,it was unfolding all around me . I was seemingly watching from afar as events repeated themselves in reality. And if possible the worse insult was yet to come.

To be continued :

November 3, 2022 at 9:42 am 3 comments

October 3rd- NO LIMITS – Chapter 33 – Chris Ritchey

NO LIMITS

Forward: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/01/02/jan-3rd-no-limits-the-forward-chris-ritchey/

Chapter One :https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/02/03/feb-3rd-no-limits-chapter-1-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Two:https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/03/03/march-3rd-no-limits-

Chapter Three: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/04/03/april-3rd-no-limits-chapt-3-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Four: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/05/03/no-limits-chapter-4-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Five: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/06/03/june-3rd-no-limits-chapter-5-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Six: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/07/03/july-3rd-no-limits-chapter-6-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Seven: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/08/03/august-3rd-no-limits-chapter7-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Eight: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/09/03/sept-3rd-no-limits-chapter-8-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Nine: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/10/03/oct-3rd-no-limits-chapter-9-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Ten: NO LIMITS- Nov 3rd- Chapter 10- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Eleven: NO LIMITS-Dec. 3rd- Chris Ritchey- Chapter 11 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Twelve: NO LIMITS-Jan 3rd- Chris Ritchey- Chapter 12 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Thirteen : NO LIMITS- FEB 3rd- Chris Ritchey- Chapter 13 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Fourteen: March 3rd, NO LIMITS, Chapter 14- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Fifteen: April 3rd- No Limits- Chapter 15- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Sixteen: May 3rd – No Limits- Chapter 16- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Seventeen: June 3rd-No Limits-Chris Ritchey-Chapter 17 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Eighteen: July 3rd – NO LIMITS- Chapter 18-Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Nineteen: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2021/08/03/august-3rd-no-limits-chapter-19-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2021/09/03/september-3rd-no-limits-chapter20-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty One: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2021/10/03/october-3rd-no-limits-chapter-21-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty Two : https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2021/11/03/nov-3rd-no-limits-chapter-22-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty Three: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2021/12/03/dec-3rd-no-limits-chapt-23-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty Four: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/01/03/january-3rd-no-limits-chapter-24-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty Five: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/02/03/february-3rd-no-limits-chapter-25-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty Six https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/03/03/march-3rd-no-limits-chapter-26-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty Seven https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/04/03/april-3rd-no-limits-chapter-27-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty Eight: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/05/03/may-3rd-no-limits-chapter-28-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty Nine: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/06/03/june-3rd-no-limits-chapter-29-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Thirty: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/07/03/july-3rd-no-limits-chapter-30-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Thirty-One: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/08/03/august-3rd-no-limits-chapter-31-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Thirty Two: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/09/03/september-3rd-chapter-32-no-limits-chris-ritchey/

“On pain of death” – Gutless Mother …..

The days of the ” taking leave ” all went horribly wrong……the pain caused by a family I hardly knew – Lombardis and how they made Chris’ family’s pain and heart break so much worse was not to be borne, in fact I couldn’t bear it.

What I will say to you , all of you , is that I could have stopped the pain inflicted after his death caused by those that supposedly loved and cared for my son.

I could have stopped all that has happened since his death IF I HADN’T BEEN SO GUTLESS!

Chris and I had an honest relationship. Oh! sometimes a heated, and very vocal relationship- he was after all “my” son. Sometimes we needed those “bouts of heat” to get to the real issue, to draw out what was really the problem. However, no matter how heated our points of view became, we always came back to laughter and understanding of each other. He was part of me and his heritage in more ways than one.

Now to my dilemma – In my heart of hearts I knew that Chris should be making some decisions- I had a bad feeling about what the next weeks would bring.

One night I lay awake all night trying to decide what to do , I decided to find a time in the day where I would talk to Chris but I couldn’t.

C. J. Hodge “Turning Away” permission
www.artknowledgenews.com

How do you approach your son who had just turned 29 , who was fighting for survival and living on the thin thread of hope of a clinical trial drug and say

What do you want , what would be your wishes should you die?

How could I? how could I see his face as his “mum” asked such a question? Me, who was trying her damnedest to give him hope after the news he had very little unless the SGN 35 worked and he could tolerate its side effects, and for how long?

Try as I might I just couldn’t do it. I couldn’t, for once in his life, be open and forthright with him. I thought there might be time, time after the results that I knew would be good- you see I watched the tumors on his neck shrink. I knew that when that cough stopped after the 21st of September that the SGN 35 was working. I watched my son with the eyes of a mother.

And because I couldn’t bring myself to have the “death discussion” with Chris a person who had the “legal right” ( enabled by her family) Angela , had exercised that right which has caused my family such a world of hurt .

I didn’t have Chris wishes in writing, NO ONE DID!!!!

I gave her her due and her way (that is not mine ) of saying “goodbye” only a week later to be denied ours.

Decorations by Lombardi (Vyka etc. )and Company

I am sure Chris trusted his bride and his family to use the love they had for him in a way that would help healing.

That didn’t happen because I was a “gutless wonder”

If there is a lesson to be learned here, please don’t trust that your final wishes would be what you wanted.
MAKE YOUR DECISIONS, MAKE THEM IN WRITING, AND MAKE THEM KNOWN, SIGN YOUR NAME!

There are no niceties in death and for some of us there was a great wickedness enabled by a mother’s cowardice.

I retreated in a world closed off by tears , no sounds came through that veil but the sounds of sobbing…..I somehow knew that it was coming from me. The funeral meeting has been held , I stayed home with my broken husband and Nikki’s baby. It wasn’t until afterwards anyone told me what had happened . I wrote on this blog an OPEN LETTER TO SUE LOMBARDI

“I read Chris’s Obituary on Saturday in the local paper. Was this my wonderful young man whose life was put into so many cents a line? Was this MY Chris – I could not let that be the last words written about my son so I composed a letter which I hope will be a more fitting epitaph to one whose passing has broken a mother’s, father’s and sister’s heart.
The Unbearable Pain of Being

I read my son’s obituary Saturday – a few lines describing a young man who was so much more than a husband, brother, friend , hunter, sportsman and employee.

Chris’ last 22 months on this earth found him on the cruelest of journeys, one fraught with hope turned to despair on almost a daily basis in the last days. My son bore this cruelty with a strength of character and body that even I, his mother, found remarkable.

But before the Cancer , there was another life-one of great happiness – He was funny , sometimes “dark” in his humour, he did not suffer fools gladly .

He and his sister shared a remarkable bond – almost twin like- they would take on the world together . When he was young it was his sister who stood up to the bullies and any adversity and when he grew he supported her and fought with her any battles that came their way.

Christopher had a temper, one he shared with his mother, I understood his temper as we both shared the same “trigger mechanism”.

He knew he was loved and he loved in return. He would buy a Christmas or birthday present and then not able to wait until the day for you to see it – he would have to show it to you right then and there.

Yes, he in his short life touched so many hearts , so many people- accomplishments on the soccer field,

starting the LCCC Club Soccer program after graduating High School- coaching training camps for young players. He received numerous scholarships for soccer and his artistic talent . He received two Cleveland Addy awards in his short career with Wyse Advertising . He would have been one of the best had his life not been cut short.

His friends know how special he was – he had some truly wonderful friends and I believe he too was a good friend.

I said goodbye to my son last Thursday – but my heart has not been able to let him go – he was one of the only reasons for being – I ache for him – I look for him- I cry for him – my son who was so very much more than a few paragraphs in an Obit column-

He was- Chris – a multi-faceted personality who gave us incredible joy and love and expected nothing in return .

I will see him on the street signs in our neighborhood, the logos, the television commercials he worked on, Settlers’ Watch – the Welcome to Lorain Booth at the Port. And my heart is sore pained within me because I will no longer hear his voice, see his smile or feel his strength.

My life has been broken in two – my happiness wrenched from me with the death of my child, my son , words cannot convey the crushing depth of my sadness, the void that cries to be filled and the torrents of tears that I shed that bring no relief.

I penned that Obit to be read at the “memorial service” How could I break out my closed off world , crippled emotionally.

How because I was ANGRY !

Angry at the lies, angry at people who had no kindness of thought for the family who loved Chris and still love him. It was anger that cause me to be upright and it is anger that gave me strength………

To be continued.

October 3, 2022 at 3:45 pm Leave a comment

May 3rd – NO LIMITS-Chapter 28- Chris Ritchey

NO LIMITS

Forward: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/01/02/jan-3rd-no-limits-the-forward-chris-ritchey/

Chapter One :https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/02/03/feb-3rd-no-limits-chapter-1-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Two:https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/03/03/march-3rd-no-limits-

Chapter Three: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/04/03/april-3rd-no-limits-chapt-3-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Four: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/05/03/no-limits-chapter-4-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Five: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/06/03/june-3rd-no-limits-chapter-5-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Six: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/07/03/july-3rd-no-limits-chapter-6-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Seven: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/08/03/august-3rd-no-limits-chapter7-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Eight: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/09/03/sept-3rd-no-limits-chapter-8-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Nine: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/10/03/oct-3rd-no-limits-chapter-9-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Ten: NO LIMITS- Nov 3rd- Chapter 10- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Eleven: NO LIMITS-Dec. 3rd- Chris Ritchey- Chapter 11 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Twelve: NO LIMITS-Jan 3rd- Chris Ritchey- Chapter 12 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Thirteen : NO LIMITS- FEB 3rd- Chris Ritchey- Chapter 13 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Fourteen: March 3rd, NO LIMITS, Chapter 14- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Fifteen: April 3rd- No Limits- Chapter 15- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Sixteen: May 3rd – No Limits- Chapter 16- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Seventeen: June 3rd-No Limits-Chris Ritchey-Chapter 17 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Eighteen: July 3rd – NO LIMITS- Chapter 18-Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Nineteen: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2021/08/03/august-3rd-no-limits-chapter-19-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2021/09/03/september-3rd-no-limits-chapter20-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty One: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2021/10/03/october-3rd-no-limits-chapter-21-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty Two : https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2021/11/03/nov-3rd-no-limits-chapter-22-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty Three: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2021/12/03/dec-3rd-no-limits-chapt-23-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty Four: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/01/03/january-3rd-no-limits-chapter-24-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty Five: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/02/03/february-3rd-no-limits-chapter-25-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty Six https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/03/03/march-3rd-no-limits-chapter-26-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty Seven https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/04/03/april-3rd-no-limits-chapter-27-chris-ritchey/

THE DYING TIME

NOTE: You would think , after all these years, I would have built up some immunity to the rawness emotions of what happened in those last few hours and days .

You would be wrong it is yesterday in my world. I find, as I writing, I am sucking in breaths, gasping for air, eyes fill with tears and my heart races. I can only brave the act of reliving in short stages. I have to stop, walk away and come back for a few minutes.

I don’t know how to write these memories of those hours. Will I even be able to put my pain on a page, relieve it in entirety or become clinical and write just the medical journey with the inclusion of the Lombardi’s contribution to my end of days as a mother of my son?

I suppose I will find out along with the reader.

https://www.healthcareitnews.com/

As he was moved to the new Medical ICU room with new staff and strangers, I shivered the room was the corner room looking out toward the hotel where I had been staying. I could see his room from my hotel room, the light softly glowing in the early morning morning hours. I had called my daughter and son-in law. My husband went to meet them in the lobby to show Nikki where to come whilst Jim took Baby Gavin to the room to wait.

I must have looked very strange as I waited ,away from the “Clan of Lombardis” by myself in the waiting room, as a young man in scrubs came up to me put his arm around me and started explaining something about

“blood gases elevated C02 levels ” .. hypercapnia… How Chris gases were compromised by the move. “

I had absolutely not a clue as to what he was saying , It was though I was deaf and trying to read his lips.

Who was he? What was he doing in my world ?

At that moment my daughter burst into the waiting room ran toward me , as she did so she apparently overheard the one sided conversation and as I said I must have looked dreadful.

The next thing she “melted “on the floor, collapsing to her knees, just folded up at she reached out to me and I reached forward to her. The young man caught us both somehow and said :

“please, it is alright no-one ever died from Co2 levels, we will get the levels corrected. I will take care of him!

The rest is a blur, since no-one in the family could stay in Chris room that night, and I was panicked

“How was I going to get him through that 3 in morning time slot , I so dreaded.

The flawed Hand of the Healer by Chris Ritchey

We went back to the hotel room to wait. There was a chaise lounge , I laid on it looking out across the way to Chris room and pulsating light as , I assume, people would come and go doing what they were supposed to do, injecting him with insulin, Heparin and too many drugs I couldn’t pronounce.

Nikki took the baby and laid on the bed, Jim grabbed a pillow and blanket and slept fitfully on the floor. Actually I have not a clue where my husband slept or even if he did, I am presume in one of the arm chairs.

I waited until morning, I had decided

this was enough no more were the Lombardis and their clan going to make the decisions, I was done with them and his bride.

I showered , got dressed and for the first time put on some make-up. My husband had already beaten me to it and had checked on Chris and called from the the floor to tell me

Chris stats had improved.

I went to the unit, didn’t check in with the reception station to get permission , no-one was going to stop me that morning!

I knew Angela would be in there for the Doctors rounds and that morning I was going to be part of the discussion. Unfortunately , Angela and the Doctors were already meeting behind the “glass wall”. I saw a familiar face, it was Dr. R.A of the Thanksgiving Day ” dying discussion”. She recognized me too, asked how I was.

I said:

a little better as I had been told Chris’ levels and stats were improving

Dr. R. A looked annoyed

WHO told you that? It is definitely NOT what is happening his organs are shutting down , he has had a series of “episodes” and it isn’t good , as I told you last week”

Why haven’t I been told? Why has this been kept from his family?

We tell his wife everything ( Dr. Ritchey) she has been given the complete information, it is up to her to inform the rest of you

And at that statement what was left of me, the person I always was came to the fore. I felt a strength in my voice I hadn’t had for weeks

” Well obviously there has been some sort of breakdown in the information given to us or apparently NOT given to us by his wife and her family.

You, and the hospital and this unit had better check my son’s paperwork because it is written and signed by him ( of which I have a copy at home.) that his sister and I are named in his Living Will , signed at South Pointe Hospital and we both are on that form ( notarized) as to any medical decisions and information is to be given to us directly!

Oh, she said, I will make sure the staff and unit are informed

With that she walked away and I still shaking with fear for my son and with anger left the unit to tell MY family .

Later on , after I had gathered myself together , I went back down to the unit , again by passing the harridan at the reception desk and

there it was my nightmare of 13 months previously ……playing out in front of me…. MY PREMONITION come to pass!!!!

E. Munch- 1895

No LIMITS – Chapter 4- Chris Ritchey

I awoke in the early morning hours of that first night after chemo, shaking, gasping for breath. I had a dream; it was so real.

I was in a room, in the middle of the room was an open casket in which lay my son and around this casket was Angela, her mother and father and strange people . I was drenched in sweat and tears, the realization it was a nightmare slowly came to the front of my mind.

It wasn’t a casket it was a hospital bed , but the way they had him laid out it might as well have been .

I still to this day don’t know who they all were- strangers to me ! And that was something that would have caused my son such anguish- after all he could no longer speak , they would never have dared to put him in that situation had he been able to communicate.

Angela and her mother sat holding court and allowed and embraced 8-9 people to hold a dying time…. ” death clutterers to ogle and text on their phones around his dying body” .

It was to me , it was disgraceful behavior and totally lacking respect and love on Angela’s part. I never wanted to see their faces ever again! I was sickened at the sight. I went to the foot of his bed and slowly pulled a sheet up over his lower limbs, covering the bags and bodily fluids draining from him.

Chris would have hated what was happening, being on show. He thought thought the graveside antics of the “Lombardi , Vyka , Gonzales, Gott or Zaworski at a young nephews graveside on that previous Christmas morning was despicable and told Angela at the time, when she came to pick him up for the “event”

“That is sick, no I am not going , I won’t be involved in that ! What are you thinking?”

I can only imagine what he would have thought of what I was seeing as he lay unable to throw them out, because he would have.

I hoped the induced coma meant he knew nothing of it. I wanted to grab them by the neck and throw them out on their ear myself. But I couldn’t for the sake of my son.

My face once again must have communicated what my thoughts were for Angela rose from her seat and said to the tribe

” I think we had better go………

to be continued

May 3, 2022 at 10:31 am 3 comments

March 3rd- No Limits- Chapter 26- Chris Ritchey

NO LIMITS

Forward: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/01/02/jan-3rd-no-limits-the-forward-chris-ritchey/

Chapter One :https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/02/03/feb-3rd-no-limits-chapter-1-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Two:https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/03/03/march-3rd-no-limits-

Chapter Three: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/04/03/april-3rd-no-limits-chapt-3-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Four: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/05/03/no-limits-chapter-4-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Five: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/06/03/june-3rd-no-limits-chapter-5-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Six: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/07/03/july-3rd-no-limits-chapter-6-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Seven: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/08/03/august-3rd-no-limits-chapter7-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Eight: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/09/03/sept-3rd-no-limits-chapter-8-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Nine: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/10/03/oct-3rd-no-limits-chapter-9-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Ten: NO LIMITS- Nov 3rd- Chapter 10- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Eleven: NO LIMITS-Dec. 3rd- Chris Ritchey- Chapter 11 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Twelve: NO LIMITS-Jan 3rd- Chris Ritchey- Chapter 12 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Thirteen : NO LIMITS- FEB 3rd- Chris Ritchey- Chapter 13 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Fourteen: March 3rd, NO LIMITS, Chapter 14- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Fifteen: April 3rd- No Limits- Chapter 15- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Sixteen: May 3rd – No Limits- Chapter 16- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Seventeen: June 3rd-No Limits-Chris Ritchey-Chapter 17 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Eighteen: July 3rd – NO LIMITS- Chapter 18-Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Nineteen: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2021/08/03/august-3rd-no-limits-chapter-19-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2021/09/03/september-3rd-no-limits-chapter20-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty One: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2021/10/03/october-3rd-no-limits-chapter-21-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty Two : https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2021/11/03/nov-3rd-no-limits-chapter-22-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty Three: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2021/12/03/dec-3rd-no-limits-chapt-23-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty Four: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/01/03/january-3rd-no-limits-chapter-24-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty Five: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/02/03/february-3rd-no-limits-chapter-25-chris-ritchey/

THE WINTER OF WEEPING that never ends…………

NOTE: It is said that time heals and spring and new life replaces the dark dreary days of winter. Those of the sisterhood of grief , especially those who have lost a soul and child of their body and heart, winter never ends. You are still lost in those days , you see glimpses of life and happiness, but you are never again whole. You see when you lose your child you and the person you were – leaves with them – when they draw their last breath.

You don’t even look the same, you may be thinner, put on weight , age more quickly, your eyes smart with too many tears, lines appear around your eyes and mouth , not the lines of age but of pain. You are wary , looking out for those moments that assault you as you go about your daily routine. Oh you smile at the correct moments, you try to join in with life , but no matter the days, months even years the only thing that gets better is you can hide the heart break just a bit better. You have learned who you can reach out , who doesn’t flinch when you want to talk about you child. Those who are patient and those who are understanding because they too are members of the Sisterhood of Grief.

I wrote the following five months after Christopher passed from this world. And all these years later nothing has changed…… Photo Credit – Virginia Mak

The Sisterhood

It was Thanksgiving. I was alone with Chris, everyone was with family . I sat by his bedside , he couldn’t talk a lot due to the oxygen mask , I read, although I had no idea what I was reading . I would, when he closed his eyes, drink in every part of my son, the contours of his face , his hands on the the sheet, his arms strong still listened to every breath he took , movement, sound he made. That day, the sun shone in the window, and the beard he had been growing had become more pronounced.

He grew the facial hair after he lost all of his hair due to the horrendous chemo sessions and stem cell transplants. I think he did so because it was a sign his body was trying to get back to normalcy. The last time he and his Nana were together at Nikki’s she stroked his face and the beginnings of his beard and said :

Chris you are truly my Viking and that is how I will think of you , brave and golden.

I was filling my memory of my son, every feature , nuance and aspect of my son that morning of Thanksgiving. The sunlight caught his face and the golden red of his beard . My Viking.

I didn’t want him to see me lose it so I excused myself and went to the waiting room. Thankfully there was no one there and I wept with the pain of “WHY”?????????????

When I finally pulled myself together and returned to the room he was sleeping . I sat quietly, hardly daring to breathe, I had always been told that sleep is how the body heals. I was clutching at anything I could find to give me hope, willing whatever strength I had to somehow be miraculously given to him by some magical umbilical chord of life.

He woke , pulled down his oxygen mask and asked for a sip of water. Those were the last words he spoke to to me , not his last words, but the last thing he ever asked of me . I held the bottle of water with the hospital straw , he took a small sip and immediately started choking….

All Hell broke loose nurses cand people came rushing into the room and someone grabbed hold of my arm and ushered me out into the still empty waiting room. I didn’t know what was happening, I knew it wasn’t good….. The “code blue ” over the pa system. Drs., interns , nurses came rushing along the corridor and then two technicians with a ventilator .

I couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think I was frozen , everything was falling away from me , no-one to hold me up, no where to go , what should I do ?,

WHY?????????? for God’s sake why……… NOOOOOOO this can’t happen…… . I was shaking with cold and tears.

After what seemed an eternity , one of Chris nurses came out to the waiting room with a cup of hot chocolate, she said

“it is OK he has been put on the vent to help him breathe, he has been sedated , the Dr. will be out in a moment drink this “

But you see, I knew from that first day of diagnosis all through

the best cancer to have, just 6 rounds of Chemo, 95 percent cure rate ,

because I had always known that damned cancer was winning. I had fought down my knowing and fears, I had embraced hope, prayers , medicines, trials , anything to fight the obscenity of death that was coming for my son. I had seen the fear on his face as they all came rushing in, the silent tears that fell from his eyes, and I heard his last words he ever spoke……....

I tried to call someone, anyone but I couldn’t make my fingers work or my brain, I don’t remember breathing , I stood there thinking this must be what shock is.

Finally the Dr. came in , I will call her Dr. RA, hers is the only name I remember from that day. The first thing she said was

“Would you like a priest ?”

No! I don’t want a damned priest , what good is he, to give me comfort! blessings !NO I want someone to stop my son dying….. not religious platitudes that don’t mean a thing.

I didn’t say that out loud , all I could manage was

No, is Chris critical.

She looked at me and said:

Oh! he has been critical since he came in , has no-one mentioned that to you , he is dying.

Then she left. The nurse came back to check on me and helped me call Angela, my husband and my son in law.

Angela was the first to arrive, with her sister,

Is he dead?

I shook my head and she went into the ICU , Her sister chatted on about how she broke the speed limit to get there. And then the clan of Lombardi arrived with cold mashed potatoes, congealed gravy, turkey and pumpkin pie, chatting about leftovers would be good in the microwave if this was going to be a long night …….. and I thought.. who are these awful people chatting and laughing whilst my son is dying about leftovers and time.

Time no longer existed in my world it had stopped…………

THIS be HELL …. I must have died……………………………. could have been the only explanation

To be continued………………..

March 3, 2022 at 1:06 pm 3 comments

February 3rd- NO LIMITS- Chapter 25-Chris Ritchey

NO LIMITS

Forward: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/01/02/jan-3rd-no-limits-the-forward-chris-ritchey/

Chapter One :https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/02/03/feb-3rd-no-limits-chapter-1-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Two:https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/03/03/march-3rd-no-limits-

Chapter Three: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/04/03/april-3rd-no-limits-chapt-3-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Four: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/05/03/no-limits-chapter-4-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Five: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/06/03/june-3rd-no-limits-chapter-5-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Six: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/07/03/july-3rd-no-limits-chapter-6-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Seven: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/08/03/august-3rd-no-limits-chapter7-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Eight: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/09/03/sept-3rd-no-limits-chapter-8-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Nine: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/10/03/oct-3rd-no-limits-chapter-9-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Ten: NO LIMITS- Nov 3rd- Chapter 10- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Eleven: NO LIMITS-Dec. 3rd- Chris Ritchey- Chapter 11 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Twelve: NO LIMITS-Jan 3rd- Chris Ritchey- Chapter 12 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Thirteen : NO LIMITS- FEB 3rd- Chris Ritchey- Chapter 13 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Fourteen: March 3rd, NO LIMITS, Chapter 14- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Fifteen: April 3rd- No Limits- Chapter 15- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Sixteen: May 3rd – No Limits- Chapter 16- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Seventeen: June 3rd-No Limits-Chris Ritchey-Chapter 17 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Eighteen: July 3rd – NO LIMITS- Chapter 18-Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Nineteen: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2021/08/03/august-3rd-no-limits-chapter-19-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2021/09/03/september-3rd-no-limits-chapter20-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty One: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2021/10/03/october-3rd-no-limits-chapter-21-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty Two : https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2021/11/03/nov-3rd-no-limits-chapter-22-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty Three: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2021/12/03/dec-3rd-no-limits-chapt-23-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty Four: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/01/03/january-3rd-no-limits-chapter-24-chris-ritchey/

The Circus from Hell

The next morning ,after the fiasco of the Lombardi’s clever ideas as to how to get a young man who couldn’t breathe or walk more than two feet without aid and my outrage as to what they were planning, Angela came in from her shift at the hospital.

Angela ritchey DO photo Chris Ritchey

I found out later she wasn’t scheduled for that shift but asked to change. I never did find out why . Chris , was not doing well and it was decided to tell Chris he was going to have to go back into the Clinic. He didn’t take it well a plastic water bottle flew across the room and hit the wall. I was pleased , believe it or not, it showed he still had strength and fight left in him.

Then it began, the rescue squad having to get him down the apartment stairs , Angela riding in the ambulance, me following the ambulance as I had no clue where I was going. Nine hours in the ER as there was no room in the Medical ICU. Phone calls back and forth. Angela telling the attending physician he had been diagnosed with H1NI. I was perplexed this was the first I heard of it . I kept thinking

that isn’t right why is she saying that , was I being kept in the dark again? I believed that damned flu shot was causing issues. If he had HINI why were they trying to send him back to Houston, none of this was making sense..

well not then anyway.

Clowns – artwork Chris Ritchey

Chris was finally sent to the Neurological ICU as there was no room in the Medical ICU.

And we waited , Sue and Tim arrived and my husband and the days turned into one long nightmare. Chris was admitted on the Saturday before Thanksgiving . I would fall asleep in the chair . I promised Chris he would never be alone and at first it worked reasonably well I would trade off with Angela during the day but the nurses let me stay in the room in a chair at night.

Then since they couldn’t figure out what was going on it was decided he must have H1N1. This meant we were fully masked and gowned when we went into his room. I watched my son’s every movement, every heart beat , every drop or rise in oxygen levels.

I sat there hour after hour trying to find away to give him strength , doing the deals with whomever ran the universe, all the time remembering my premonitions and fighting them back down into my sub conscience.

Finally exhaustion got the better of me, I could no longer see straight or sit in that waiting room . Nikki arranged to get me a room at the Intercontinental Hotel attached to the Clinic so I could walk back and forth. I had some clothes with me from the Friday but they were in the trunk of my car and I hadn’t a clue where it was. My mum had packed a small carrier bag with change of underwear and blouse and sweater sending it up with my husband.

I needed a few things so I bought a pair of pajamas in the Clinic Gift shop. The only ones in my size were bright lime green, terribly unflattering but then again no-one would be seeing me in in them, a toothbrush, deodorant etc. I made my way to the lobby of the hotel through the hospital feeling terribly afraid and alone. There was some funny looks when my only luggage was an Aldi’s carrier bag. Still the credit card was good.

I went to the room, had a shower put on my lime green pj’s and called room service. Well of course I had no robe and hadn’t thought , the waiter brought in the food on a trolley , whatever he thought of the vision in green he saw before him he didn’t show a change in face as this little fat woman in lime green pj’s ( that were a little tight) and red hair signed the chit.

I ate my first decent meal in days and fell into the bed and passed out. I slept till the evening and was going back through the corridors to the hospital when I saw two nurses helping a woman walk . I realized from the conversation as I went passed she was Carla Nash , the lady who had been attacked by a chimpanzee and was at the clinic after having a face transplant. I thought they seem to be able to work miracles , will there be one for my son and a little hope crept back into my being. I saw the trio on more than one occasion and my heart went out to her.

There were other stories during those hours and days as we waited and hoped.

An elderly man, some thing of a musician from what I gathered from a conversation in the waiting room of hell , was dying in the next room. His wife sat by his bed all day. Later that evening Chris’s nurse asked if it would bother us if his daughter, who was in one of the symphony orchestras. could play for her father.

As I sat there masked and gowned and closed off in our glassed in room, the faint sound of a violin drifted through the air . It was so surreal , this beautiful piece of music like some heavenly message easing her fathers passing and reminding me how much love and pain was happening on the other side of the wall , but beautiful at the same time . The music stopped and so apparently had the life of one more human being and their story.

There were of course other stories

The mum who had been brought in with a brain aneurism , her family gathered in the the small ICU waiting room, the tears, the worry , the hope. I don’t know what happened to her . Others whose lives crashed into ours in that room and then left some in tears and some transferred out of ICU with smiles. .

After three days of no sleep and actually pretty much on my own as far as my family I was ready to drop .

Once the diagnosis of H1N1 was decided upon Nikki and the new baby couldn’t be put at risk, my mum 90 , couldn’t take a chance with her and my husband could only come for an hour or so. He hated hospitals, Chris knew that and we knew if he was there holding vigil with me Chris would KNOW how much danger he was in , so it had to be…

” Oh Dad is coming in for a visit”

There I was alone in that waiting room from hell. The Lombardis, as Sue stated “will circle around Angela” , I definitely was excluded from that circle. And they did numbers of them all chatting and laughing and living. It was so hard .

Do you pray Loraine? You aren’t Catholic are you , what plans are you making ? Do you like Tacos?

However, when Sue was present it was doubly hard, she used to do and say the most inane things and it took everything I had to keep my mouth shut.

One particular day I got summoned by the nurse in ICU.

Is Chris’s mother in law attached to a medical practice?

No , why would you ask that ?

You will have to talk to your daughter in law , please. We know SHE is a resident and the nurses don’t want to make a big deal, but her mother is making a nuisance of herself, going to talk to the nurses and looking it at the other patients and giving advice.

Also, your daughter in law’s friend has come in and changed the setting the oxygen machine ( she was also a resident) and we have had to reset it, that can’t happen.

That day I had to mention to one of the sisters that

“Sue was being Sue and causing concern in the ICU and could someone please tell her not to continue in that vein” “

THAT did not go down very well. They shot the messenger! Talk went to a minimum but actually that was a blessing in disguise.

Even the Clinic security made the “Mother of my Hell “ prove she wasn’t a homeless person camping out in the waiting room with sleeping bags , pillows and food . Why they didn’t get themselves a room if they were going to continue to “circle Angela” I broached the subject: ,

Sue said Oh no! far too expensive!!!!!!”

Well there is plenty in the account from the fundraiser isn’t there at least 35 thousand, you could use that , after all that is why we had that fundraiser . Oh and by the way can I have the list of donors for Thank Yous. I have Nikkis list and mine but I know there were so many others!

I couldn’t credit her answer and I was perplexed :

Sue Lombardi –
“We don’t want people to know the full amount – we aren’t publicizing that. I have opened a safe deposit box for the cash – Angela has access” How do you know the amounts ?

Obviously Chris told me , why wouldn’t he? He was very grateful to everyone that donated.

I said to Chris after one particularly stressful evening

Oh ! Chris you owe me lunch for this, being in that holding area with them.

( having to put up with them and trying to keep my mouth shut – not an easy thing for me, . We certainly had nothing in common except what I supposed was the love of our children. and Chris knew how hard it was 🙂 )

and a lobster lunch at that.

He smiled and moved his oxygen mask and said :

” keep them out of here and I will buy you dinner too !”

Most days and nights bled into one another . I had no clue as to the time of day of day of the week. I would surface for a bit and memory comes in fragments of those days of crisis. It is only as I write some flash of a forgotten memory of those days in no particular sequence come back. ……. and my gut tightens , a sick feeling comes into my soul, an ache for my child overwhelms me once more .

To be continued……..

February 3, 2022 at 2:29 am 3 comments

Nov 3rd-No LIMITS-Chapter 22-Chris Ritchey

Author’s Note.. It wasn’t planned this way but as I reach the 1st ending of this documentation of my son before he passed . the times of publication these chapters are coinciding with times of his ending. I have said before this is absolutely crushing and painful to write as I have to relive those moments and memories. but to get to the “after” I have to document the “before” . As I get closer to ” loss of all hope memories ” I have to step away for hours and sometimes days as it is gutting to go through again and a drain on my physical and mental being..

NO LIMITS

Forward: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/01/02/jan-3rd-no-limits-the-forward-chris-ritchey/

Chapter One :https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/02/03/feb-3rd-no-limits-chapter-1-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Two:https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/03/03/march-3rd-no-limits-

Chapter Three: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/04/03/april-3rd-no-limits-chapt-3-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Four: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/05/03/no-limits-chapter-4-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Five: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/06/03/june-3rd-no-limits-chapter-5-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Six: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/07/03/july-3rd-no-limits-chapter-6-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Seven: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/08/03/august-3rd-no-limits-chapter7-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Eight: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/09/03/sept-3rd-no-limits-chapter-8-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Nine: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/10/03/oct-3rd-no-limits-chapter-9-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Ten: NO LIMITS- Nov 3rd- Chapter 10- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Eleven: NO LIMITS-Dec. 3rd- Chris Ritchey- Chapter 11 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Twelve: NO LIMITS-Jan 3rd- Chris Ritchey- Chapter 12 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Thirteen : NO LIMITS- FEB 3rd- Chris Ritchey- Chapter 13 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Fourteen: March 3rd, NO LIMITS, Chapter 14- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Fifteen: April 3rd- No Limits- Chapter 15- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Sixteen: May 3rd – No Limits- Chapter 16- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Seventeen: June 3rd-No Limits-Chris Ritchey-Chapter 17 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Eighteen: July 3rd – NO LIMITS- Chapter 18-Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Nineteen: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2021/08/03/august-3rd-no-limits-chapter-19-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2021/09/03/september-3rd-no-limits-chapter20-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty One: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2021/10/03/october-3rd-no-limits-chapter-21-chris-ritchey/

Houston Nights and days – a blur

The days after the fundraiser back in Ohio were tinged with gratitude to those who were so generous and writing thank you’s to those I knew had donated. Chris and I duly went about the routine of tests , bloodwork and infusion. One such visit brought out the Physicans Assistant , she was concerned that Chris was scheduled for the HINI flu shot. I hadn’t realized that Angela had set that up via Cleveland. Chris had never had a flu shot of any kind and I was unsure of his reaction to it. Apparently the PA was concerned as well, but Chris said :

“My wife has arranged it so I will take it”

I sat without saying a word in a fake leather vomit coloured chair holding my breath. I was being pummeled with thoughts

” don’t let him get this shot , it is not a good thing , something will happen”

all the while arguing with myself .

“If you say something and he doesn’t get the shot and he gets HINI with his system so compromised then you , who are not medically qualified in anyway, you could cause him worse issues”

So I said nothing , how I wish I had had the guts to tell him no! Hindsight is 20/20

Chris was always so tired after the infusion which he also had that day . We came home he ate a little, went to the bedroom , called Angela and then filled the hot water bottles , took pills and slept.

I heard him during the night running the hot baths that almost scalded his skin to ease the pain he was in. I lay awake wishing there was more I could do.

He finally slept and in the morning I went into the bathroom to collect the wet towels to wash and on the floor were soaking wet T’ shirts. I flashed back to when he was first diagnosed with Hodgkin’s and the “night sweats” that soaked his T shirts, pillows and bedding . Something was wrong , so very wrong and it was so sudden.

I wanted Chris to call the Dr. but he wouldn’t as he was scared they would take him off the trial . I wondered could it be a reaction to the H1N1 shot, it came on so quickly . The next couple of days saw him getting worse. The lethargy the pain, not wanting to eat and running a temperature.

Angela (Lomabrdi) ritchey ( Murphy) ( red) by Chris Ritchey

I had already booked Angela a flight for Nov 3rd as Chris was meeting with the “team” to see how the SGN 35 was working for him on November 5th.

I was so worried and out of my depth , I called Angela and said Chris is not looking at all well and I am very worried , barely eating and he won’t go to the Doctor or call. Angela rebooked her flight and came down the day before Hallowe’en.

Chris was naturally pleased to see her. She never mentioned to me if she thought he looked worse but in those few days I noticed it so she had to have noticed not seeing him for a couple of weeks . His eyes seemed sore and red rimmed , his skin a strange pallor tinged with grey. .

Hallowe’en, we were invited to JD’s and Karen’s for supper and to hand out candy. Chris laughed and joined in the conversation, Angela would jump up and hand out the candy and whilst everyone’s focus was on the kids and costumes I would watch as Chris quietly would reach into his top shirt pocket and pop another pill. I knew my son’s strength but I also knew he was dealing with a lot of pain . Angela had brought down some more medication from Cleveland and I worried about the amount and “what” Chris was taking but once again I said nothing.

Chris barely ate in the next few days. He took Angela and I to the British shop ( he had his truck in Houston now). She and I went in to buy Christening gifts for Gavin , Nikki’s new little baby . Chris couldn’t get out of the truck, said he just didn’t want to shop , although previously when he had taken me he loved going in there . Again, I worried.

On November 4th, the night before meeting with the team of SGN 35 we went back to the “Black Labrador Pub” to meet JD and Karen . Chris had wanted to thank them for all their hospitality and friendship whilst we had been in Texas. He loved the Ranch and lost himself in normalcy on those excursions to that ranch.

He told me that when he was well he was going to buy some land and get Gavin a horse ...

Chris nibbled at a salad , not at all like him and JD chastised me because Chris and Angela were going to drive back to Cleveland stopping on the way, if the news was good. How my son who was having a hard time driving 30 minutes to the Black Labrador Pub , how the hell was he going to drive 1,300 miles to Cleveland. JD, said

He will be fine “let go of the apron strings mom” …

November 5th :

We waited in a little office, Chris once again behind his sunglasses , Angela went to the restroom I sat once again near the door scared to breather. The Physician’s Assistant came in , and if there is one thing I know it is body language and she was happy. The Doctors came in and gave the good news … the SGN 35 was working all was good.

I breathed for the first time in days. And then the tag line ” the only thing was there was a slight “crackling” of the bottom half of the lungs that they were concerned about . Angela spoke up Oh she would have the Dr. at the Clinic check it out, he had had the flu shot . That seemed to satisfy them and they gave Chris a strength test and Ok’d him for another infusion before he left for Cleveland.

The first thing Chris did was to phone JD, whilst I called Nikki , who was sick with worry and told her the results were good. But she said

can’t he leave the truck there with JD and Karen and fly home

No Angela wanted to go to Nashville and make a vacation of it going home. They had to be back in 10 days . I flew home that afternoon .

To be continued…………….

November 3, 2021 at 6:17 pm 1 comment

October 3rd- No LIMITS-Chapter 21-Chris Ritchey

NO LIMITS

Forward: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/01/02/jan-3rd-no-limits-the-forward-chris-ritchey/

Chapter One :https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/02/03/feb-3rd-no-limits-chapter-1-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Two:https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/03/03/march-3rd-no-limits-

Chapter Three: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/04/03/april-3rd-no-limits-chapt-3-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Four: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/05/03/no-limits-chapter-4-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Five: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/06/03/june-3rd-no-limits-chapter-5-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Six: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/07/03/july-3rd-no-limits-chapter-6-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Seven: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/08/03/august-3rd-no-limits-chapter7-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Eight: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/09/03/sept-3rd-no-limits-chapter-8-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Nine: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/10/03/oct-3rd-no-limits-chapter-9-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Ten: NO LIMITS- Nov 3rd- Chapter 10- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Eleven: NO LIMITS-Dec. 3rd- Chris Ritchey- Chapter 11 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Twelve: NO LIMITS-Jan 3rd- Chris Ritchey- Chapter 12 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Thirteen : NO LIMITS- FEB 3rd- Chris Ritchey- Chapter 13 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Fourteen: March 3rd, NO LIMITS, Chapter 14- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Fifteen: April 3rd- No Limits- Chapter 15- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Sixteen: May 3rd – No Limits- Chapter 16- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Seventeen: June 3rd-No Limits-Chris Ritchey-Chapter 17 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Eighteen: July 3rd – NO LIMITS- Chapter 18-Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Nineteen: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2021/08/03/august-3rd-no-limits-chapter-19-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Twenty: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2021/09/03/september-3rd-no-limits-chapter20-chris-ritchey/

Houston and Lorain.

The expenses were piling up. Not the hospitals bills you understand, No, everything was being covered medically for Chris thanks to the 100 percent coverage his then “resident” wife received from the Cleveland Clinic. That, in itself, was truly amazing and because their Oncologist did not enter him in the SGN 35 trial they had at the Cleveland Clinic ,as it had closed on the Friday, before he went to his doctor’s appointment on the Monday. The Clinics insurance also paid for the trial of SGN35 in Houston at M.D. Anderson.

Of course we still had to pay for the living expenses, the flights etc. Chris wanted to use their savings. People had been extremely generous when he and Angela got married in the previous June. Chris was not happy with the fact his family were paying for the Houston expenses and flights and rental car etc. He felt he should be able to cover those expenses .

Our wonderful neighbor of many years “Rich” suggested he would like to put on a fundraiser for Chris , who was almost like a 3rd son and member of his family. Chris, was at first very hesitant , one reason being he was private when it came to his illness but he also was aware his mum and dad weren’t wealthy . Chris reluctantly acquiesed in the end.

I told Rich to contact the Lombardis , as at one point ,they had also made mention a fund raiser (in the very begining) but Chris had refused as all the medical bills were being paid for under the no deductible insurance of the Cleveland Clinic. Chris’s godparents, his sister and my friends and other neighbors also wanted to help and so I left it in my neighbor’s capable hands, or so I thought.

It wasn’t until weeks after that I was told Rich, Chris’ godparents in fact everyone but Nikki were told they didn’t need any help and that Sue and Tim Lombardi and the sisters of Sue would be handling through Tim’s bank First Federal. So those that offered help in baking, food, clean up and organizing were told NO THANKS., they weren’t needed the Lombardi Clan would be doing this !

Well now of course I know the reasons. “Control” a trait that Sue Lombardi definitely has in her resume in my opinion borne out later on in the saga of the dollar signs.

Not knowing of the Lombardis decisions to keep out of the fundraiser anyone from Chris’ side I wrote blog posts and advertised as much as I could for the sake of this young couple. Chris designed the Logo in Texas

“The Committee for Chris- aka Chris’ Crew would very much like a head count by this weekend so please if you haven’t got the tickets yet and plan to come please contact Nikki at 440-282-3195

FUNDRAISER FOR CHRIS
When – Sunday – OCTOBER 25TH -1:00 -5:00

Where- Rosewood Place- 4493 Oberlin Avenue- Lorain Ohio 44053

What – Spaghetti Dinner- Silent Auction – 50/50 raffle – Browns Game ( on a big screen TV)

How Much – $15.00 – kinds under 5 eat free.

Tickets and or reservations – please call Nikki -440-282-3195

The Crew tells me there are literally dozens of gift baskets containing something for everyone – from tools, firepits, Cavs games, Browns games and everything to go with them- professional teeth whitening – Celtic goodies- romantic weekends – ( beach condo steps from the water at Catawba )- and hotel rooms- food and drink and a flat screen TV is also in the baskets- So please call is you haven’t already got your tickets- Loraine”

IF I WOULD HAVE KNOWN THEN WHAT I FINALLY WAS MADE AWARE OF , I WOULD HAVE STOPPED THE WHOLE ROTTEN MESS.

But I didn’t know and being in Houston I was relying on emails and half truths being told. When I questioned Tim Lombardi as to why Rich wasn’t involved in the accounting of the fundraiser as “

Hi Tim,

I hear the sales are going really well that IS good news ( and we need good news) . I did ask Angela over the weekend about the account at First Federal but she said that you were handling everything. I have a couple of questions, as you know I have run Charleston Villages non profit 501C3 for twenty years so I was a little confused……….On a personal note after the numbers and figures are all in if I could have a list of those that donated straight to the account I would very appreciative as Chris’ Dad and I want to send our personal thank you to those individuals .

he replied “

”

Angela , Sue and Tim Lombardi

Hi Loraine,Mon, Oct 19, 2009 at 3:49 PM

Hope all is well with you and Chris in the Lone Star State. Angela may have misunderstood what we did. The account opened at First Federal is a non-interest bearing account as we didn’t want to report any type of interest…….We have tried to keep track of donations and will certainly provide you with the list we have. What do you think about running a thank you ad in the paper? The generosity of the donors has been over whelming” Tim

I didn’t need to take out an ad . Tom Skoch editor of the Morning Journal ( lorain) ran an item as did The Chronicle ( Elyria) and blogs. People came through from the Highland Dance Community from all over the world with basket items, money, Nikki rallied her friends and Jims friends and realtives all donated . Since I was in Houston Nikki took everything to the bank and deposited in that damned account. In hindsight I feel sick even to this day. Nikki dropped off baskets and took flyers all around her neighborhood. Tim Lombardi was right the response was overwhelming .

People of all walks of life , professions and places apparently came to the event.

Chris and I waited to hear from Nikki and family as to how things were going. Nikki called me she was upset , apparently Sue Lombardi was telling anyone that would listen the Chris was staying in a terrible place , crime ridden . I was furious and frankly hurt , I had done my damndest to get Chris and Angela , who I naively thought would want to be with her husband as much as she could be. I was wrong about that too.

Chris came into the living room in Houston he asked what was wrong and I burst into tears something I rarely did but the emotiona and exhaustion won out.I blubed and blubbered saying I was sorry … the apartment was the best I could find.. and

I was sorry it was not what Angela wanted…

What are you talking about ? said Chris

Finally I was able to tell him what was being said….. he called his sister and told her ”

“don’t tell mum anything that the Lombardis say about anything it has upset her and remember [Angela’s sister], Allie didn’t call her mother “Psycho Sue ” for no reason. “

Later on that evening Chris came out of the bedroom after talking to Angela to tell me the fundraiser had made $8,000.00 on the baskets alone and $36,000.00 in donations etc. not counting the money that had already been deposited by Nikki etc to the account in the bank.

I learned later from the very mouth of Sue Lombardi she opened a “safe deposit box ” in her bank in Angela’s and her name for the cash from that night. I questioned them as to a list of donors and what they donated so I could write thank you notes

Sue said

Oh well we aren’t sure

I said

well you must have deposit slips..and ticket sales. There was over thirty thousand from the fundraiser alone

Where did you hear that ?

It was then I said:

Angela told Chris and I know other checks were put into the accouint at First Federal , I have that list from Nikki.

And that is when Sue Lombardi told me directly she had opened a safety deposit box in Angela’s name for that cash……..

( So much for keeping track. ) and there is more to come.

Pillars of their Church but money apparently can cause even pillars to fall for the 7th deadly sin of AVARICE!!!!!!

Avarice the 7th deadly sin

to be continued :

October 3, 2021 at 12:39 pm 5 comments

August 3rd- NO LIMITS- Chapter 19- Chris Ritchey

Forward: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/01/02/jan-3rd-no-limits-the-forward-chris-ritchey/

Chapter One :https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/02/03/feb-3rd-no-limits-chapter-1-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Two:https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/03/03/march-3rd-no-limits-

Chapter Three: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/04/03/april-3rd-no-limits-chapt-3-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Four: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/05/03/no-limits-chapter-4-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Five: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/06/03/june-3rd-no-limits-chapter-5-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Six: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/07/03/july-3rd-no-limits-chapter-6-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Seven: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/08/03/august-3rd-no-limits-chapter7-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Eight: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/09/03/sept-3rd-no-limits-chapter-8-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Nine: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/10/03/oct-3rd-no-limits-chapter-9-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Ten: NO LIMITS- Nov 3rd- Chapter 10- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Eleven: NO LIMITS-Dec. 3rd- Chris Ritchey- Chapter 11 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Twelve: NO LIMITS-Jan 3rd- Chris Ritchey- Chapter 12 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Thirteen : NO LIMITS- FEB 3rd- Chris Ritchey- Chapter 13 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Fourteen: March 3rd, NO LIMITS, Chapter 14- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Fifteen: April 3rd- No Limits- Chapter 15- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Sixteen: May 3rd – No Limits- Chapter 16- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Seventeen: June 3rd-No Limits-Chris Ritchey-Chapter 17 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Eighteen: July 3rd – NO LIMITS- Chapter 18-Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Back to Houston:

The family all gathered back at Nikki’s on October 3rd. Jim and Chris were leaving early in the morning on the 4th. Misty, Chris’s dog who now lived with us, due to the situation we all found ourselves dealing with , came along to Nikki’s to see her master. She was a loopy dog and reminded me of Dino of the Flintstones . However, with Chris she was all business, a totally different animal , obeyed him and loved him. To see her reaction when she saw Chris that day brought tears- I dare not shed -to my eyes . Chris and his dad and Misty , who wouldn’t leave his side, walked into the woods behind Nikki’s. I didn’t follow, my husband hadn’t had many alone times with Chris in the preceding months , I instinctively felt I should not follow.

We were loathe to leave that day. Somehow my gut told me this was the last time we would all be together . Photos were taken, laughter was tried. Gavin, his nephew, was now nearly 8 months old , Chris had missed those early months and I so hoped he would be there as Gavin grew. He wanted to be a great uncle to Gavin take him four wheeling and after riding the horses in Texas decided he would buy some land and get Gavin a horse, or at least a pony. I wanted that to happen with everything that was in me. Chris , bought Gavin a Texas belt buckle, it was almost as big as him.

Jim and Chris were on the road from Cleveland to Houston stopping every so often to take in those sights that Chris wanted to see. They also arranged to go wild boar hunting on the way and stop off at a couple of shooting ranges.

Although they tried to have a normal “man-cation” Jim told me when they arrived back in Houston how worried he was. Chris, was in a lot of pain and was popping pills the whole journey. Jim wasn’t sure what they were but that I should try and see if I could take a look at the medication bottles.

I had arrived back in Houston on the Saturday morning. I had just arrived when the phone rang and it was JD’s secretary. JD had once again been there for this family. His secretary made arrangements with me to pick me up, go to lunch and pick up staples I would need until Jim and Chris arrived back on the Monday. Bless her heart , we went to an English pub-like restaurant. The Black Labrador Pub.

The food was delicious and I was at my ease . We then went to a British shop also in Houston where I carted off “English sausages, tea bags, favorite biscuits, ( cookies) and snacks a quick stop to a convenient store for bread and milk etc. I was set for the next couple of days until Jim and Chris arrived. Thinking about it I am not sure what I would have done for temporary supplies over that weekend…. called for Pizza I suppose.

I had just put the groceries away when Jim called they would be arriving at the apartment in a couple of hours. They decided to cut the “man-cation” short. After they arrived and Chris was showering , Jim told me Chris was not doing well the drive had really taken it out of him, the pills, and he could see Chris , although he didn’t say anything, was in pain. They had a supper of omelets and English sausages that evening , I know Jim “suffered” the sausages, as they are somewhat bland compared to American sausages. Chris, I don’t think cared what he was eating. He just wanted to sleep so Jim and I went to do a grocery shop. Chris looked awful , dark circles under his eyes, the trip and driving certainly had taken its toll on his health and any energy he had.

Later that night I was able to look in Chris’s shaving bag for his medication . There it was a number of bottles of Oxycodone 30 mg. I know he didn’t get it in Houston as the Doctors treating him wouldn’t prescribe it , especially when he was filling out the forms weekly stating his pain was at level 3.

I couldn’t ask him why he had them without letting him know I had spied on him. I looked at the label and recognized the name of the Dr. at South Pointe Hospital where Angela was doing her residency. I was in a bad position and didn’t know what to do. I would just keep a closer eye on him and hope to hell these “medical marvels knew what they were doing”

This medication is used to help relieve moderate to severe pain. Oxycodone belongs to a class of drugs known as opioid analgesics. It works in the brain to change how your body feels and responds to pain.

Since they were two days adrift Jim changed his flight back to be with Nikki and the baby. It was agreed I would keep a close eye on Chris , as much as I could.

Once again, we were on the treadmill of tests, infusions check ups . His heart rate had been high a steady 114 and he had had a procedure done but they thought his heart was alright considering what it had been through in the previous months. I was scared they would show the drug ( oxycodone) was in his system when they did the tests. No one said anything but he was taking quite a few in a 24 hour period. He would keep tablets in his pocket and surreptitiously take a couple. As the days went on I notice the hand going into that pocket more and more. I knew categorically by taking those drugs it was tantamount to being taken off the trial. The trial that was his last chance of a “cure” . I had to keep quiet and watch……

To be continued …

August 3, 2021 at 12:40 am 3 comments

May 3rd – No Limits- Chapter 16- Chris Ritchey

Forward: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/01/02/jan-3rd-no-limits-the-forward-chris-ritchey/

Chapter One :https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/02/03/feb-3rd-no-limits-chapter-1-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Two:https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/03/03/march-3rd-no-limits-

Chapter Three: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/04/03/april-3rd-no-limits-chapt-3-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Four: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/05/03/no-limits-chapter-4-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Five: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/06/03/june-3rd-no-limits-chapter-5-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Six: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/07/03/july-3rd-no-limits-chapter-6-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Seven: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/08/03/august-3rd-no-limits-chapter7-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Eight: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/09/03/sept-3rd-no-limits-chapter-8-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Nine: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/10/03/oct-3rd-no-limits-chapter-9-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Ten: NO LIMITS- Nov 3rd- Chapter 10- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Eleven: NO LIMITS-Dec. 3rd- Chris Ritchey- Chapter 11 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Twelve: NO LIMITS-Jan 3rd- Chris Ritchey- Chapter 12 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Thirteen : NO LIMITS- FEB 3rd- Chris Ritchey- Chapter 13 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Fourteen: March 3rd, NO LIMITS, Chapter 14- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Fifteen: April 3rd- No Limits- Chapter 15- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Houston Days and Nights- continued

I haven’t the words to eloquently or adequately explain the emotions that crash in and out of your being as you watch your child battle to stay alive. This enemy, came to conquer , not with guns , bombs or knives it was insidious in its will to win turning the very body of its victim against itself. Cells that were made large so the pumps of the body (lymph nodes) plug and distort. It circulated through the life giving blood stream through the lungs causing coughing that wracked the very body trying to deal with the attacks. Cancer in all its forms is and obscenity .

I tried so hard to keep cheerful, what 29 year old wants to be with his mother. I know he wanted Angela there knowing the trial was his last hope for a cure or at least remission. I know he wanted to spend what time he had left with her . I know I was the best of a bad deal . I argued with myself, stop watching his every move, deliberately giving him space, taking myself out to the pool side to read, even though I was petrified of the little gecko things running about the pergolas and tables, I didn’t scream when they ran across my foot or thought I was a roadway across a chair.

Chris, would spend time going to the rifle range or to Cabelas. We tried to see some of the area when we could and when he felt up to it. JD and Karen, had been out of town for a bit. Chris, after one of the infusions of SGN 35 could barely speak the the next day but when JD called he put strength into his voice so JD would not realize how poorly he was feeling.

Tears welled up in my eyes and I had to go out into the lawn area and have a silent cry by myself. Only I wasn’t by myself one of the other residents I had noticed sitting by the pool, looking as I must look, was there. She looked up and me as I was not winning the battle of holding in the tears and noticed she too was crying. She reached up to hold my hand and I sat down and there we sat for a long time. Two humans knowing nothing about each other, never speaking sharing the impact of cancer. I learned she too, was caring for her grown daughter as the husband had to stay in Indiana for his job and children. Her daughter was also on a trial at MD Anderson and a last hope.

Hands – Touching- Hands – art work Christopher Ritchey

On the good days we toured Houston. He had wanted to go horse back riding. I hadn’t been on a horse in 20 years ( I was then a lot thinner and in better shape) and Chris hadn’t ridden since he was a little one. I made arrangements for the following day. Of course, that night poured with rain and a warm front came dripping over Houston. I wrote on my blog at the time :

NOOOOOO!!! this isn’t a picture of the horse after I rode it. Whew! 90 degrees yesterday after a rain that could’ve floated a boat. My foray into the wild west “avec” plastic helmet. I realize that horse rentals have to protect their clients but you tend to lose heat through your head … just ask a politician 🙂 and when it is covered with plastic and foam OMG!!!! Anyway 2 hours later after riding through swamp and shrub and bush I now remember why cowboys are bowlegged.

Chris, had become very interested in life in Texas , so different from Lorain , Ohio. One of our days ( again in that heat) was spent at George Ranch Historical Park. It was fascinating seeing the 1830’s cabin and farm the humble beginnings to the 1930’s house “George Cattle Complex” . Of course then there was that oil that helped

“The discovery of oil on the Ranch in the 1920s changed the fortunes of the family and the community forever. The George’s son and only child died while just a toddler and their beloved cousin and presumed heir Mary died tragically when she was a young woman. With no living heirs and a considerable estate, the Georges established The George Foundation to ensure that their wealth would continue to benefit communities across the county into the foreseeable future. This charitable Foundation still exists and gives back today and helps bring you the story of the remarkable family who loved, grieved, rejoiced and lived on this enduring stretch of Texas prairie.”

It was a good day and Chris was enthusiastic. I was once again feeling like I would die from the humidity and heat at any moment but we laughed and enjoyed a day without the mention of Doctors or cancer . I would have put up with heat, humidity and wading across the little river filled with alligators just to see him smile and laugh .

Mothers and Fathers who are losing their child will do the deal with God, the stars , fate whatever they believe, ”

“take me instead let my son/ daughter have life and laughter and old age…………”

To be continued………

May 3, 2021 at 1:53 pm 3 comments

NO LIMITS-Jan 3rd- Chris Ritchey- Chapter 12

ED NOTE: It has been one year since I started this journey of serialization of my book/posts on my son’s, Christopher Ritchey, journey. I had thought, initially, to intersperse the posts as usual with other posts, pertaining to life, Lorain, crime and politics. I have found I just do not have the energy and the apathy is all consuming . I have come to the sad realization what I think and my passions on those subjects just don’t matter and don’t make a bit of difference in the real world. However, my journey with NO LIMITS continues, as hard as these chapters are to write and reliving the journey of hope and no hope there is a light at the end of this journey . I will continue to tell of our journey with transparency and truths.

No Limits – The Book

Forward: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/01/02/jan-3rd-no-limits-the-forward-chris-ritchey/

Chapter One :https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/02/03/feb-3rd-no-limits-chapter-1-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Two:https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/03/03/march-3rd-no-limits-

Chapter Three: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/04/03/april-3rd-no-limits-chapt-3-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Four: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/05/03/no-limits-chapter-4-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Five: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/06/03/june-3rd-no-limits-chapter-5-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Six: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/07/03/july-3rd-no-limits-chapter-6-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Seven: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/08/03/august-3rd-no-limits-chapter7-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Eight: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/09/03/sept-3rd-no-limits-chapter-8-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Nine: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/10/03/oct-3rd-no-limits-chapter-9-chris-ritchey/

Chapter Ten: NO LIMITS- Nov 3rd- Chapter 10- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter Eleven: NO LIMITS-Dec. 3rd- Chris Ritchey- Chapter 11 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)

Chapter 12 : The Trial and Tribulations

The days following the biopsy found me sitting by the phone. I knew in my heart of hearts the news was awful but I clung to the hope they could be wrong, it had been known. I knew it was a foolish hope but you grab anything you can to hold onto.

Chris came to stay with Nikki that last weekend in August . He was so pale and quiet. I went over bearing his favourite food . Nikki told me he had been out in the woods for hours on his four wheeler , alone and not wanting to talk to anyone.

We waited, and when he came in I saw my son trying to put on a brave face. We all tried to act normally I sat with him at the kitchen counter , trying to eat . He was , for my sake, trying to force the food down. A friend of my son-in-law, oblivious to the situation, came in talking about the hunting season to come and new equipment he was planning to purchase. It was so normal and so damned surreal. Chris left the kitchen , I knew he was thinking

I probably won’t be here for that season.

I waited, trying to swallow my scream. Nikki came into the kitchen and said ”

Mum, Chris is not good, you had better come upstairs

I followed her up to the guest room, also now known as Chris’ room. He was laying on top of the bed and had broken down, the fear, the hope, the fact he would die crashing down on him and he could no longer put on a brave face that day .

I didn’t know what to say or do . I felt totally helpless. I sat on the bed next to him and Nikki was on the other side and we huddled and cried together. After a while I said , not knowing really what I was saying

“The three of us like this, Chris , is probably Angela’s worst nightmare”

Finally a weak smile and I said to my son , almost believing it myself

Chris , I will move heaven and earth to find another way another treatment, even if it means going to Germany or Europe

( I had heard they were making strides in Germany with Refractory Hodgkin’s)

Chris went back out into the woods riding and I went home to get on the computer and research.

I went home worried beyond reason for my beautiful son. The phone rang it was Angela’s mother Sue Lombardi wanting to know something inconsequential.

I said Sue:

I can’t even think about that know ( I can’t even remember what it was ) I have just left Chris and he is in a terrible state.

WELL! she said NOW YOU KNOW WHAT ANGELA HAS BEEN PUTTING UP WITH .

I couldn’t believe the sanctimonious, cold hearted cow!

PUTTING UP WITH , he is dying and scared and turning to his wife.. don’t talk to me .. putting up with ????

she said :

maybe putting up with wasn’t the right choice of words .

No! it wasn’t I am going now. I have things to of more importance to deal with

Finally Tuesday came when we once again sat in the offices of Dr. Pohlman. Chris sat alone on the side of the room, he had on his aviator glasses and cap was pulled down, as I looked at my son , knowing these glasses were his defense against the emotions he was feeling being shown to us. Nikki and I sat together and Angela drew up a chair on the opposite wall.

No-one said a word, and Dr. Pohlman of the diamond earing , white framed glasses , starched white coat and Italian leather shoes entered the room.

I was never keen on him , his bed side manner was decidedly lacking , but Chris liked him, why? I don’t know . As he sat down he looked at us , looked at the report and said coldly:

“This is bad, very bad. Your immune system, ( looking at Chris who had not moved but sat like stone) does not recognize the cancer. As your body deals with the good cells it is also helping the cancer cells . Another stem cell transplant , this would be a donor transplant in the hopes that their immune system would take over (allogeneic) is a remote possibility , but the insurance probably would not OK it.

Nikki , spoke ” well why can’t we try? “

Pohlman looked as if he had noticed her for the first time,

“and you are his sister? Well we could test you as a donor, are you willing “

“Of course I am willing I will do anything “

Polhman then continued.

Chris your only hope for a “cure” ( and yes he said the word “cure” )is to get on a trial for the drug SGN35 .

I finally found my voice,

how do we do that?

Unfortunately,

he said ( and this was the Tuesday morning after waiting for days for the results of the biopsy)

We.at the Clinic closed down the admittance to the trial of SGN 35 we have here on Friday and there are no more spaces available. I am not sure there are any openings around the country.

I was incredulous , this young man had been treated by them from the very beginning they KNEW the cancer had returned , they knew he would need options , they held out the hope again to only withdraw it coldly and clinically. I was so angry I couldn’t speak. Angela sat there ,

For god’s sake I thought Angela say something, you are a resident going to be a Dr. a member of the Cleveland Clinic yourself say something!!!!!This is your husband fight for him.

Angela said nothing, it was Nikki who spoke :

You are the Cleveland Clinic , the best in the nation, and you are telling me that Chris has been your patient all this time and you come in here offering nothing, just that a trial has closed, why didn’t you reserve him a space. You KNEW what those results were . and all you can say is “this is bad , very bad ” and there is a hope for a cure but not here . Then Where????? Don’t kick him to the curb, he is not a lab rat……

Chris’ face book page

I am not sure Polhman was expecting that , I know Angela looked shocked. Polhman was the big shot specialist, I am sure she wasn’t happy with Nikki questioning him. Polhman turned his hands outward in a gesture of “oh well” said that he would send his assistant to set up a test for Nikki and he would have them see if there were any openings for SGN 35 in other states , but the trials had all closed on the Friday . He had other patients he had to see.

As they all walked out I asked what about Europe, Germany , he looked perplexed. He didn’t know and was that an option. I said:

anything is an option to save my son’s life and walked out.

The rest of the day found Angela looking into options, contacting people she had been in medical school with. Nikki on the computer and I called family in the medical community , who dealt with Cancer research . They put me in touch with Chicago and Columbus trials, talking to Doctors, setting up appointments.

Angela had the best options with MD Anderson Houston Texas . She sent Chris records through to a friend who said they would get them to Dr. Younes who was doing the trial.

Wednesday morning , Nikki and I picked up Chris from his apartment and we went to the Clinic for them to be matched for a allogeneic transplant. This done we went back to his apartment, not really speaking . We stayed for a little while, I was so worried about Chris , he had lost hope. I left Nikki and Chris in the living room and went to busy myself making the bed incase he needed to rest. Nikki came flying into the room. Dr. Younes’ PA from MD Anderson was on the phone and they had an opening for an appointment the next day in Houston.

The next afternoon at two o’clock . OMG!!! the thoughts tumbled and whirled through my mind. Take the appointment , call the airlines, Chris call Angela , where is my credit card , get them on a flight, book a hotel near the hospital , get some money . By eight o’clock they were boarding a flight to Houston….

the roller coaster ride was starting up again

to be continued……..

January 3, 2021 at 2:27 pm 5 comments

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Posts filed under ‘No Limits’

November 3rd- NO LIMITS- Chapter 34- Chris Ritchey

October 3rd- NO LIMITS – Chapter 33 – Chris Ritchey

May 3rd – NO LIMITS-Chapter 28- Chris Ritchey

March 3rd- No Limits- Chapter 26- Chris Ritchey

February 3rd- NO LIMITS- Chapter 25-Chris Ritchey

Nov 3rd-No LIMITS-Chapter 22-Chris Ritchey

October 3rd- No LIMITS-Chapter 21-Chris Ritchey

August 3rd- NO LIMITS- Chapter 19- Chris Ritchey

May 3rd – No Limits- Chapter 16- Chris Ritchey

NO LIMITS-Jan 3rd- Chris Ritchey- Chapter 12

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