NO LIMITS-BK 2. Chapt.1. BEYOND THE VALE
Chris Ritchey Source
TRANSISTIONING
Those days after Chris’ passing were dreadful. People getting ready for Christmas , lights and celebrations, there was an unreality to my being. Life was going on all around me….Celebration time Come ON!!!!!
I felt totally at odds with the real world, I wanted to sink into oblivion, where to go , no where to run. I was still a mother and a new grandmother, a wife, mother-in -law and a daughter I still had to be “Mum” but I was not me, I didn’t know who I was.
There was nowhere I could go , hide . My doctor said he would give me help to get past this initial breaking of my heart and soul , but my brain was telling me, I might get a few hours of oblivion to the gut wrenching pain I was feeling the , sadness and a grief that came in wave upon incessant wave, but I would have to deal with it on my terms as when I would wake after medication the horror of losing Chris would still be there.
ANGER!!!! there were situations happening with the Tim, Sue and Angela Lombardi Clan. and it was “anger” at how they were treating my living family and my dead son that finally got me off my knees. Oh it didn’t last long just in response to situations but part of who I was , like a split personality would rise up from the depths of my grief and “for one brief shining moment” I was as before.
Angela Lombardi (ritchey) A Study in Green- Chris RITCHEY
The “PRINCESS” and the 4 Wheeler- Chapt. three- Chris Ritchey
But always the excruciating grief and physical pain and “madness” ,because I truly believe I was going mad, some days would come back with a vengeance. I remember thinking I am old now , -for that I was grateful because I might not have to live 30-40 50 years with this perturbation-. How do young mothers cope and do they ever?
The broken heart syndrome is real and the days before that Christmas that I could get up and function found me cleaning closets , drawers so that those I loved would not have to deal with my “life”. I truly thought I could not bear this morbidity for more that a few weeks. I wrote a few weeks after Chris passed from this realm.
Heart of Thorns- artwork Chris Ritchey
And I have felt the pain in my chest, it is like a tight band , a crushing and tightening , it interferes with breathing, as if something has stopped my lungs from filling with air, holding ones breath too long underwater is a similar sensation . Just when you think you will drown in the pain and grief you surface , an explosion of tears and sobs pulling you back from the depths, a relief but also knowing that you have also lost an opportunity to be released from the slow suffocation of sorrow that has become your world.
It is a peculiar sensation , because the part of the brain that is logical is wondering ,
What the hell is that noise ????
and is incredulous when it realizes that it is YOU!!!!! .
I can only say that it seems to be a safety valve , the part of the brain that deals with the mechanics overriding the part that deals with the emotions.
Can you die of a broken heart? Apparently Yes!
Takotsubo cardiomyopathy, also known as transient apical ballooning syndrome, apical ballooning cardiomyopathy, stress-induced cardiomyopathy, broken-heart-syndrome and simply stress cardiomyopathy, is a type of non-ischemic cardiomyopathy in which there is a sudden temporary weakening of the myocardium (the muscle of the heart). Because this weakening can be triggered by emotional stress, such as the death of a loved one, the condition is also known as broken heart syndrome. It has also been reported in cases of partial drowning. The presence of a trigger such as emotional or physical has been reported in 33% to 100% of the cases.
Source http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Takotsubo_cardiomyopathy
Day’s sort of fell over each other in those two weeks like dominoes falling one after another.
It was Christmas , Gavin’s first Christmas . I remembered Chris telling me that when he recovered ( after our horseback ride in Texas) he was going to buy land and get Gavin a pony .
That wasn’t to be but I went to TOY R Us and bought Gavin his first “Chris Miss Present” – a Rockin Rider Pony .
This little pony if you pressed the button in his ears would sing:
I am a little pony , clippity clop, clippity clop or would make a neighing sound.
Gavin, being just 8 months old was far too young to ride .without assistance, but this first Chris Miss present became an integral part of the continuing story… to be continued
NO LIMITS- BK 2- Forward. Beyond the Vale
NO LIMITS- Forward .. Book 2
Beyond the Vale……
Chris Ritchey Source
Beyond the Vale? What is the meaning, a 14th century word, a vale ( valley of tears )
passed away
verb(euphemism) (past of, pass away) (to die)
For the past three years every month I have written of my son, his life , the love he gave us and we gave in return, the journey from hell that saw us diminished, changed and crippled with grief.
Any mother who has lost her son or daughter knows without my explaining the “gutting of grief” No explanation is required. You can find all the 36 links to those months of writing in the last Chapter of Book One – No Limits:
Readers, who are now reading this forward of Book 2. may not understand, may not believe, will try and find “logical” explanations, even call me demented, out of my mind. The tragedy of losing a child will change you, you are no longer the person after such a passing than you were before. It isn’t just mothers, fathers and sisters , death defines the “new” you, you do become less than before, and we are irrevocably changed.
I wonder, how many who start to read this will finish it? How many will think yes she has definitely lost the plot and how many who have so far survived their grief will recognize the traits and actions in themselves .
After someone , who means more to you than your own life passes, and NO! it doesn’t have to be a son, daughter, there are a great many levels of love of those in our worlds; have you looked for the signs? No matter your religious or non religious beliefs?
I believe, we want to make sure somehow those loved ones aren’t totally lost to us forever, a confirmation the love that was so all compelling in our lives someone is still out there in another form, sending and reaching out signals . A great many articles blogs etc have been written on the subject, for instance
https://www.joincake.com/blog/signs-from-deceased-loved-ones/
When Chris was dying in that horrible ICU room with the “gang of grief” hovering, waiting to pull the plug…. ..my daughter ( as I have written) said to him.
‘ Chris come home and see me anytime’ ,
I remember thinking:
Oh my god has she not realized he will never come home , or is she trying to give him last words of comfort?
And then she left the room, I watched as almost imperceptible to my eyes the colour of his face changed before me as the blood drained and settled.
My beautiful son who had been so full of life and love and energy , what happened to those parts of him not hooked up to machines. Where did they “settle “? Does all that love and energy and “life force” just dissipate and decay as our cells, atoms and chemicals that make up our bodies? We do know, as explored in writing in the previous No Limits ,mothers carry the DNA of our child in our bodies for decades after they have been birthed. 
I am, sure we all in our families have the ” dying tales”, the “phenomenon of losing “and what has happened to us, the anecdotal evidence of family history when the “vale of tears” comes our lives.
My father, had told me of losing his stepfather, a man he loved profoundly , rushing back on emergency leave from his ship, as this most important man in his life was passing, he was allowed into the room to say his solitary goodbye. He told me once that sitting there trying to be a brave soul , “Uncle Jacks’ heart stopped, he went to reach to kiss his forehead and there was some force, very briefly that blocked his way . He always thought it was the soul leaving the body. not a religious man by any sense of the term, and maybe it was his own being that stopped that forward momentum , but well….. he believed it so I did.
It seems to me that belief of family and religious structure gets all mythized in books, bibles, religious beliefs, we trust what our community , no matter what part of the world or what religious community tells us for thousands of years and beyond that .
We as humans need to believe there is so much more but by the same token will scoff as “ghosts” , make light of what happens to some. Why , skepticism is all well and good. I will welcome the readers skepticism . And so it begins>>>>>>>
QUOTE CHRISTOPHER RITCHEY
“Nothing should be hidden or untouchable, if it is your truth and you stand behind it – no one should be able to silence you “
January 3rd – NO LIMITS- Chapter 35- Chris Ritchey
NO LIMITS
Forward: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/01/02/jan-3rd-no-limits-the-forward-chris-ritchey/
Chapter One :https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/02/03/feb-3rd-no-limits-chapter-1-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Two:https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/03/03/march-3rd-no-limits-
Chapter Three: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/04/03/april-3rd-no-limits-chapt-3-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Four: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/05/03/no-limits-chapter-4-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Five: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/06/03/june-3rd-no-limits-chapter-5-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Six: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/07/03/july-3rd-no-limits-chapter-6-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Seven: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/08/03/august-3rd-no-limits-chapter7-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Eight: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/09/03/sept-3rd-no-limits-chapter-8-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Nine: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/10/03/oct-3rd-no-limits-chapter-9-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Ten: NO LIMITS- Nov 3rd- Chapter 10- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)
Chapter Eleven: NO LIMITS-Dec. 3rd- Chris Ritchey- Chapter 11 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)
Chapter Twelve: NO LIMITS-Jan 3rd- Chris Ritchey- Chapter 12 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)
Chapter Thirteen : NO LIMITS- FEB 3rd- Chris Ritchey- Chapter 13 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)
Chapter Fourteen: March 3rd, NO LIMITS, Chapter 14- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)
Chapter Fifteen: April 3rd- No Limits- Chapter 15- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)
Chapter Sixteen: May 3rd – No Limits- Chapter 16- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)
Chapter Seventeen: June 3rd-No Limits-Chris Ritchey-Chapter 17 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)
Chapter Eighteen: July 3rd – NO LIMITS- Chapter 18-Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)
Chapter Nineteen: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2021/08/03/august-3rd-no-limits-chapter-19-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Twenty: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2021/09/03/september-3rd-no-limits-chapter20-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Twenty One: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2021/10/03/october-3rd-no-limits-chapter-21-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Twenty Two : https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2021/11/03/nov-3rd-no-limits-chapter-22-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Twenty Three: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2021/12/03/dec-3rd-no-limits-chapt-23-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Twenty Four: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/01/03/january-3rd-no-limits-chapter-24-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Twenty Five: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/02/03/february-3rd-no-limits-chapter-25-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Twenty Six https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/03/03/march-3rd-no-limits-chapter-26-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Twenty Seven https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/04/03/april-3rd-no-limits-chapter-27-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Twenty Eight: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/05/03/may-3rd-no-limits-chapter-28-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Twenty Nine: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/06/03/june-3rd-no-limits-chapter-29-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Thirty: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/07/03/july-3rd-no-limits-chapter-30-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Thirty-One: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/08/03/august-3rd-no-limits-chapter-31-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Thirty Two: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/09/03/september-3rd-chapter-32-no-limits-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Thirty Three : https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/10/03/october-3rd-no-limits-chapter-33-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Thirty Four: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/11/03/november-3rd-no-limits-chapter-34-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Thirty Five: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/12/03/december-3rd-no-limits-chapter-35-chris-ritchey/
All the tomorrows
It is the third anniversary of when I started Chris’ journey of his life leading up to the passing and goodbye, every third of the month I have written about my son using his artwork for the most part, as I promised him I would. As of February 3rd 2023 I will be continuing his story, not all will believe but I swear on everything I hold dear , it is the truth .
Three years ago I wrote the forward to my journal and three years later I am still in astonishment as to the world and worlds we occupy:
As I ponder the wisdom of writing the events of life as we know it and death as we believe it to be, I know there will be questions I cannot answer, events I cannot prove.
I am opening myself, my family and my son to a world of naysayers, negativity and ridicule. I will reach the walls with this book. I will push aside and through the walls my peers in this “community” and others have erected for themselves and for me.
Ironically although I have always written the truth whenever I have sat at this keyboard and its predecessors I probably won’t be believed , explanations will abound, logic ( as we perceive things to happen)will come into play .
I have hesitated for months, even years, to tell the story from my self-imposed box. I have written millions of words on my personal blog in the 10 years since my son died. https://www.thatwoman.wordpress.com . I have written his story, I have opened myself and my innermost thoughts and feelings. I have told the tale of cruelty, searing pain and thoughts of suicide. I have exposed myself in ways not many would without fear. So then, why is it I hesitate to share all of our story, a story of continuing love, strength and astonishment?
But first I have to conclude with our goodbye, because this is where it starts:
Since the Clan of the Lombardis and his bride denied Chris’ loved ones any closure after his passing, the most cruelest cut of all, those who loved him beyond all measure, those 4 generations of his blood decided on our private “fare the well” in the woods he so loved.
Three months after Chris passed, still full of pain and not understanding the hypocrisy of Divis and the church ( including Bishop Lennon ( now deceased) I wrote to the head of their church . The Pope . I was answered by Cardinal Foley, at least he answered not so Divis and Lennon….(click on to enlarge)
The trees forming a canopy in our cathedral, the carpet of moss and leaves the floor, the smell of earth and life permeating the air, rather than sickly incense. A cleansing fire, and water. Thinking back on that day the goodbye and honoring Chris was very much of the elements, it wasn’t intentional, although my culture and forbearers were very much of the Celtic persuasion, we did not practice Paganism, but then again I am not of the persuasion of ANY organized religious beliefs.
Although clergy of many denominations offered assistance in trying to ease our grief and the journey of saying goodbye, I was too angry at the way the Catholic Church ( St. Mary’s Lorain), Father
Sharing a laugh – but on whom?
Divis https://www.dioceseofcleveland.org/offices/clergy-religious/directory/daniel-o-divis
and his parishioners in their way of control, did to this family in a time not to be borne by any parent. The cruelty of that man and the Lombardi parishioners made no sense to me when they preach love, kindness and do unto others.
No , the prayers offered up, if any, were private and silent, the thoughts written, and saved in a clearing for perpetuity. It was love pure and simple for a young man who was so loved, his passing changed us all.
There was no choir or even bag pipe music just a gathering of broken souls, screaming in silence. As we each went through our saying goodbye bringing to the afternoon Chris love for all things that made him Chris . The hymns were absent but music filled the air that afternoon. I had heard the rendition of Wild Horse sung by Susan Boyle
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yb3XAP0c8WU
Susan Boyle
In my grief as I listened to the lyrics , they spoke volumes to me ( highlighted words link to posts at the time )
Wild Horses
Songwriters: Richards, K. Jagger, M
Childhood living is easy to do
The things you wanted
I bought them for youGraceless lady
You know who I am
You know I can’t let you slide through my handWild horses
Couldn’t drag me away
Wild, wild horses
Couldn’t drag me awayI watched you suffer
A dull aching pain
Now you’ve decided
To show me the sameNo sweeping exits
Or offstage lines
Could make me feel bitter
Or treat you unkindWild horses
Couldn’t drag me away
Wild, wild horses
Couldn’t drag me awayI know I’ve dreamed you
A sin and a lie
I have my freedom
But I don’t have much timeFaith has been broken
Tears must be cried
Let’s do some living
After we dieAnd Wild horses
Couldn’t drag me away
Wild, wild horses
Couldn’t drag me away
We stood in silence around the fire that burned , fueled by everything that was tangible of the treachery of his bride and her family. We had purchased the CD and a player ( outdoor) for that farewell. However, as Susan sang the CD cut out, started again and then ” I watched you suffer” cut out again.
I was devastated tears rolling down my cheeks in the cold . I look at my “electronic genius of a husband standing holding baby Gavin. “what is happening ” without saying the words.
The music started again right where it left off and the again cut out on the words ” let’s do some living after we die” . By this time I was beside myself thinking damn I can’t even get a CD player to do its job…… then I heard Nikki’s voice :
” Christopher David , stop that we are trying to have the only goodbye we can give you”
The music started again and didn’t cut out . We carried on with our small tribute . Then we put away the items we had taken to the little memorial in the woods,
put out the fire and went inside.
The first thing I had my husband do was check the player. I was going to send it back as defective, I was angry. We played it a dozen times both outside and inside. Neither the player of the CD cut out.
Nana said
“well what was that all about?”
My husband checked he said there is nothing wrong with CD or the player, the power light was on the whole time , I don’t know. Then I said to Nikki :
“why did you say that to Chris, what made you think that”
She looked puzzled and said :
‘Honestly mum, I don’t know….. I just felt that and I could see it was upsetting you and I know how your heart is breaking and I wanted it to go as well as it could our goodbye…, I don’t know why ..just something……….
to be continued as Chris story continues in part two of NO LIMITS……
December 3rd- NO LIMITS- Chapter 35-Chris Ritchey
NO LIMITS
Forward: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/01/02/jan-3rd-no-limits-the-forward-chris-ritchey/
Chapter One :https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/02/03/feb-3rd-no-limits-chapter-1-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Two:https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/03/03/march-3rd-no-limits-
Chapter Three: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/04/03/april-3rd-no-limits-chapt-3-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Four: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/05/03/no-limits-chapter-4-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Five: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/06/03/june-3rd-no-limits-chapter-5-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Six: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/07/03/july-3rd-no-limits-chapter-6-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Seven: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/08/03/august-3rd-no-limits-chapter7-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Eight: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/09/03/sept-3rd-no-limits-chapter-8-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Nine: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/10/03/oct-3rd-no-limits-chapter-9-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Ten: NO LIMITS- Nov 3rd- Chapter 10- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)
Chapter Eleven: NO LIMITS-Dec. 3rd- Chris Ritchey- Chapter 11 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)
Chapter Twelve: NO LIMITS-Jan 3rd- Chris Ritchey- Chapter 12 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)
Chapter Thirteen : NO LIMITS- FEB 3rd- Chris Ritchey- Chapter 13 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)
Chapter Fourteen: March 3rd, NO LIMITS, Chapter 14- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)
Chapter Fifteen: April 3rd- No Limits- Chapter 15- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)
Chapter Sixteen: May 3rd – No Limits- Chapter 16- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)
Chapter Seventeen: June 3rd-No Limits-Chris Ritchey-Chapter 17 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)
Chapter Eighteen: July 3rd – NO LIMITS- Chapter 18-Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)
Chapter Nineteen: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2021/08/03/august-3rd-no-limits-chapter-19-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Twenty: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2021/09/03/september-3rd-no-limits-chapter20-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Twenty One: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2021/10/03/october-3rd-no-limits-chapter-21-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Twenty Two : https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2021/11/03/nov-3rd-no-limits-chapter-22-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Twenty Three: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2021/12/03/dec-3rd-no-limits-chapt-23-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Twenty Four: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/01/03/january-3rd-no-limits-chapter-24-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Twenty Five: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/02/03/february-3rd-no-limits-chapter-25-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Twenty Six https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/03/03/march-3rd-no-limits-chapter-26-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Twenty Seven https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/04/03/april-3rd-no-limits-chapter-27-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Twenty Eight: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/05/03/may-3rd-no-limits-chapter-28-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Twenty Nine: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/06/03/june-3rd-no-limits-chapter-29-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Thirty: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/07/03/july-3rd-no-limits-chapter-30-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Thirty-One: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/08/03/august-3rd-no-limits-chapter-31-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Thirty Two: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/09/03/september-3rd-chapter-32-no-limits-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Thirty Three : https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/10/03/october-3rd-no-limits-chapter-33-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Thirty Four: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/11/03/november-3rd-no-limits-chapter-34-chris-ritchey/
The ending comes, the beginning commences
December 11th – was a Friday – for 8 days we had walked zombie like through life- the shock of losing Chris still not allowing reality of the situation to sink in. In hindsight the signs of what was to come were there but unnoticed –
1. Moving our son from one ICU to another by the “committee of control” without even discussing it with his parents or sister. This act caused such a trauma to his poor body – heart rate up to 169- shock to his already compromised system- But of course this is the same decision-making bunch that decided it would be perfectly fine to send him on a 18 hour journey via trains and cars when he couldn’t cross the room on his own. I have said it before
Remember that night Angela you and your parents were making arrangements to put him on a damned train to Texas. You felt ( even with your medical background) this young man who couldn’t make it to the bathroom would be able to leave at three in the morning on a train to Chicago, change trains, to Austin and it was only a three-hour drive to Houston from there…..
Personally I am not sure what you people use for brains at times.
https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2010/04/20/i-didnt-know-my-son-chris-ritchey/
2. Neglecting purposely(imho) to tell us of our son’s deteriorating condition after moving him to that ICU which caused us all angst and Chris to fail further.
3. Allowing total strangers to us to crowd into his room and sitting holding a death vigil- I still to this day don’t know who they all were- and that was something that would have caused my son such anguish- after he could no longer speak (because of the vent) you allowed the ” death clusterers to ogle and text around his dying body” disgraceful behaviour and totally lacking respect. And there was nothing I could do- because I still had hope and every thought was for Chris and I didn’t want to cause him further distress when he did come off that vent- (you see I always thought he would.)
Oh! the list of ‘control incidences” continued unchecked in our time of losing.
Maybe had my mind not been full of disbelief at losing Chris I would have seen the pattern starting to emerge.
Maybe I would have realized MY SON , had become to them a commodity- a possession not a son , child, brother but something to be owned by the Lombardi and Company .
Maybe I would have not been taken by such surprise when a call came from the Funeral Home (8 days after my son’s death and ONE week after Angela (Lombardi) Ritchey had agreed to cremation and the decision of Chris’s ashes) stating that I need to meet with the Funeral Director.
These “people” didn’t have the common decency or courage to face us personally with one of the most personal decisions one can make .
That morning of December 11th my mother was here staying trying to deal with her own pain- worried about me and the state I was in and my husband when the phone rang. I knew something was wrong- apparently my mum hadn’t even been acknowledged at the memorial service – no concern for her by the dry-eyed controllers –
I threw on something to wear and ran over to the funeral home. What a sight I must have presented wild-eyed with grief and confusion. I was met by the Funeral Director – he said ( and I paraphrase- I was at the time having trouble processing his words)
Angela has decided not to honor the request for the division of Chris’s ashes.
I was perplexed-
How ? Why? She agreed a week ago- we have made arrangements for my mum to fly home with Tony – to release Chris’s ashes in England- we have made arrangements for our own service of closure here in Lorain- things have been put in place so that we can say goodbye in our way – Does she understand what this means to this family? Does she have any idea what this will do to my husband, Chris’s sister, all of us ? THIS IS A WICKED, WICKED THING THEY ARE DOING..
I was handed an envelope and written on the lined notebook paper was the explanation
“After much thought and consideration on what Chris would want, I have decided not to separate his ashes. This decision was not made as a reaction to recent events. It was not influenced by family or friends. Religion did not play a role. I reflected on what Chris would want me to do….
Then came the diatribe of Chris not being an organ donor and wanting to leave this world with what he came with………
I knew up until Chris’s last drivers licenses ( he had cancer by then) that he always had been an organ donor. I have his previous license.
None of this was making sense –
Recent events – I hadn’t spoken to her or seen her since the morning of Chris’s death.
What was she talking about???- getting her busy body mother out of my son’s ICU room when we were all told to leave… Not religion!!!!!!! Religious beliefs I could have understood –but she clearly states that wasn’t the case. I didn’t understand
“leaving this world with what he came with”
My mind was racing I said out loud to the man standing before me :
” Does she even know what cremation is – what happens in the process? She a damned Dr. (supposedly) does she not know what happens to organs in the cremation process– this reasoning ( if wasn’t so wicked and callous) would be laughable………not an organ donor this decision is wicked wicked, wicked and totally wrong. To base all the pain and turmoil this will cause to my family on such reasoning- it is unbelievable……….
How can she change her mind? You all witnessed the agreement- she stated her decision and agreed in front of witnesses
My mind by this time was running on hyper drive-
Yes, she has legal rights but there must be someway to stop this to appeal through her church – to initiate a legal process as to binding verbal contracts under Ohio law – and then the thought struck me:
Chris was not cremated yet- they– I know that family are all about “embalming– Cadillac casket and burial something that is abhorrent to me and I knew my son’s thoughts on their ceremonies only too well- but this way was preferable to them and they obviously were not considering anyone else but THEM.
I knew from Nikki that Angela had signed the papers for cremation after my son-in-law stated Chris had talked to him about it on their way back from Texas.
I said –
Chris hasn’t been cremated yet has he? She can’t change her mind on that can she? She signed papers she can’t go back on that?
Yes!
came the answer
Angela could very well change her mind up until the very last minute-
I remember the breath leaving my body- I was stunned- my mind and emotions exploding thoughts, running rampant, pictures in my mind of decomposition, his smile , his laugh , his dying all rushing through a brain still reeling from losing him . The faces as the funeral home staff watched me disintergrate
Oh God I thought no – I can’t let them do that to him– not Chris-
So I too had to make a decision -one nearly as hard as taking him off the vent –
I had to say and do nothing – I couldn’t go to attorneys about verbal contracts– witnesses – appealing through her church- the only thing I could do was “NOTHING” -nothing until my son’s poor body was cremated.
I couldn’t risk stirring the “keepers of cruelty and wickedness” from their self-righteous slumber in case they changed their minds again.
I had to let them think they had signed a contract and hope to hell ( not heaven) that they didn’t realize they could have changed their minds for the sake of my son knowing the consequences would be they would take his poor body and put it through their rituals of death as they are want to do and have done since he died just over a week before. I was stunned, I had no words, no direction, I sat there across the desk from the man who had his orders from the Lombardis . I could do nothing and then I said
“Am I as his mother allowed to put something in with my son”
The words came back: ” well I have no instructions from the Angela and the family saying otherwise. The Items would have to of material that would be able to be burned.
As I read the words of denial penned by your “bride” – I remembered the Viking ship.
The ship you had to make for a class at LCCC- the brief- a piece of work made with all natural materials sourced from your home – you sat and carved and cut from a log from the wood pile, tree branches from your tree planted as a child, a piece of deer skin found in the garage and scraped down for the sail and finally burning not painting the decoration to add to the dimension.
I knew that Viking Ship, which I carried around to college visits when you were transferring from LCCC was the closest thing I could do to give to you to honor the bravery of your fight against that disgusting disease. Your Nana called you her Viking and you were a warrior, so brave, hiding from us your pain.
Something to show our love as well had to go with you … the little England bear purchased from Harrods by you for me when you were returning from soccer in Manchester.
I carried that little bear with me in those first dreadful days after you died whilst meanness , selfishness and grief fragmented us beyond all being . He was crushed to my bosom I dare not let go of that little bear, in case I too would let go of this life. Those days of gutting agony he was my constant companion . It was still damp from my tears.
Finally our three gifts , your heritage , your passion for soccer ( football) your talent and the pride you had in playing the game well.. your England Shirt with your number 7- the number you always played :
I ran from the office , back to your old room , the bear actually was with me anyway. I gathered the Viking Ship , and the shirt, that still smelled of you and went back across the alley to the place of disgrace. I handed the items over , I am sure they thought I was mad. BUT: I DIDN’T CARE WHAT THEY THOUGHT – YOU WERE MY CHILD!!!
I knew that at least we had to try and I had to try to give to you what I could – to send your body from this dimension with love. Did those cretins of the cremains (THE LOMBARDIS) honestly believe I would let you go without honoring you and being involved in your goodbye? You were and are MY son I gave you life , I loved you in life , in death and now.
I came back home across the alleyway that separates the funeral home from our house, knowing that Chris’s body was just a few yards away that December 11th morning to my gentle mother broken even more as she heard what was happening- to a husband who was destroyed by the news they had denied his own goodbye (
Nikki who was full of anger,grief and questions
Chris’s cremation was tentatively scheduled for the 13th of December- so for 72 hours we waited- holding our breath – dreading the phone to ring- waiting – knowing that once again we were being collectively culled from anything to do with our son, brother grandson and nephew- the child , boy and man we so loved.
I watched through my own pain the pain, the desolation caused by Angela and her collective cohorts – what this did to the rest of my family. And I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt Chris would NOT have wanted this emotional torture visited upon us.
On the 14th we were told Chris had been cremated- As I got off the phone that morning my mother was coming down the stairs- she looked at me- her lovely little gentle face afraid , eyes full of tears and said
“Oh no! what has happened now has she changed her mind? They aren’t going to bury him after all are they – Loraine you can’t let that happen- why are they doing this
I said
No! Chris has been cremated
and a 91-year-old sank to her knees on my living room floor in relief , sobs wracking her little body- this same little wonderful Nana -Chris had so loved – hurt in such a way – No! this is not what Chris would have wanted and Angela certainly did not honour him by causing his much-loved Nana such torment.
I cannot adequately describe those 72 hours, words fail me.
How Angela could have a few days earlier received a hug from that Nana who thanked her for her decisions for cremation and sharing the ashes, allowing closure in our way too- how Angela could then dismiss that face and that love from her mind as she wrote those words that would just add to the pain and suffering of his Nana is beyond my comprehension?
So on the 11th Day came the beginning of the beginning as I started to take back ownership of my grief and who my son was and the consequences of what happens when a mother and family are denied closure – when closure does not happen and a wound festers and bleeds still…………………“first do no harm”- the harm has been done AND THEIR LAST PARTING SHOT WAS NO ONE THOUGHT TO TELL US WHERE AND WHEN HIS CREMAINS WERE BEING BURIED.
To be continued as he continues
November 3rd- NO LIMITS- Chapter 34- Chris Ritchey
NO LIMITS
Forward: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/01/02/jan-3rd-no-limits-the-forward-chris-ritchey/
Chapter One :https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/02/03/feb-3rd-no-limits-chapter-1-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Two:https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/03/03/march-3rd-no-limits-
Chapter Three: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/04/03/april-3rd-no-limits-chapt-3-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Four: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/05/03/no-limits-chapter-4-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Five: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/06/03/june-3rd-no-limits-chapter-5-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Six: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/07/03/july-3rd-no-limits-chapter-6-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Seven: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/08/03/august-3rd-no-limits-chapter7-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Eight: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/09/03/sept-3rd-no-limits-chapter-8-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Nine: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/10/03/oct-3rd-no-limits-chapter-9-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Ten: NO LIMITS- Nov 3rd- Chapter 10- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)
Chapter Eleven: NO LIMITS-Dec. 3rd- Chris Ritchey- Chapter 11 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)
Chapter Twelve: NO LIMITS-Jan 3rd- Chris Ritchey- Chapter 12 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)
Chapter Thirteen : NO LIMITS- FEB 3rd- Chris Ritchey- Chapter 13 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)
Chapter Fourteen: March 3rd, NO LIMITS, Chapter 14- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)
Chapter Fifteen: April 3rd- No Limits- Chapter 15- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)
Chapter Sixteen: May 3rd – No Limits- Chapter 16- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)
Chapter Seventeen: June 3rd-No Limits-Chris Ritchey-Chapter 17 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)
Chapter Eighteen: July 3rd – NO LIMITS- Chapter 18-Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)
Chapter Nineteen: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2021/08/03/august-3rd-no-limits-chapter-19-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Twenty: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2021/09/03/september-3rd-no-limits-chapter20-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Twenty One: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2021/10/03/october-3rd-no-limits-chapter-21-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Twenty Two : https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2021/11/03/nov-3rd-no-limits-chapter-22-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Twenty Three: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2021/12/03/dec-3rd-no-limits-chapt-23-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Twenty Four: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/01/03/january-3rd-no-limits-chapter-24-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Twenty Five: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/02/03/february-3rd-no-limits-chapter-25-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Twenty Six https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/03/03/march-3rd-no-limits-chapter-26-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Twenty Seven https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/04/03/april-3rd-no-limits-chapter-27-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Twenty Eight: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/05/03/may-3rd-no-limits-chapter-28-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Twenty Nine: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/06/03/june-3rd-no-limits-chapter-29-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Thirty: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/07/03/july-3rd-no-limits-chapter-30-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Thirty-One: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/08/03/august-3rd-no-limits-chapter-31-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Thirty Two: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/09/03/september-3rd-chapter-32-no-limits-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Thirty Three : https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/10/03/october-3rd-no-limits-chapter-33-chris-ritchey/
EMOTIONAL INCONTINENCE
artwork Chris Ritchey
Emotions ran riot in those hours after Chris passed, pummeled by disbelief, anger, physical pain, gut-wrenching sobs breaking the silence, sheer agony, feeling so lost, no source of comfort except a little toy bear given to me by my son. The smell of my son still on his shirt.
The funeral home: I tried as hard as I could to go across that alley way from my back garden to the funeral home parking lot. I stood at the gate unable to move. Thoughts bombarding me , after the “arrangement visit at the funeral home” I knew I didn’t trust myself. Their way was not our way , I knew I would be a red flag to the “bull ( cow)” of Sue Lombardi, it was better I stayed with the baby for my own sanity.
Artwork Chris Ritchey
The Lombardis, had agreed to the cremation at that making of the arrangement meeting ( less than 20 hours after Chris drew his last breath), Thanks to my son in law over riding Sue Lomabardi’s desire to have his ( or a ) coffin to decorate.
IF HE IS TO BE CREMATED AND NO COFFIN WHAT WILL WE DECORATE”
My poor daughter , who just the day before had lost her brother came home from that meeting broken and also angry
” How can they be so cruel, Angela just sat there, Sue ran the show- because that is what it was mum – all show- Sue wanting him in the ground just so she could decorate his coffin!”
Thankfully Jim mentioned how when he drove Chris to Houston Chris had told him if anything should ever happen , as he shoveled down his throat more of the pain killing drugs, He wanted to be cremated and thrown into the Grand Canyon!
It was decided Chris’ ashes would be divided , Angela, his wife of course for her goodbye and closure, Nikki , as his sister and a trip to the Grand Canyon and a portion for his dad and me for our farewell.
The fact my little family, who did attend, were told as Sue expanded on her wishes with how the funeral arrangement should be handled and Nikki interjected…. and was dismissed with a wave of the hand , and the statement ,
” it was not “their” wishes ( meaning Nikki and Jim and our family) it would be Lombardi’s wishes that were important…..( the bride and her mother)
I cannot begin to tell you how that news effected me. I knew then I couldn’t go 24 hours later to the funeral home .As it turned out it was just as well I didn’t – The ME that was raw and not in control of her emotions would not have gone quietly into that place: Anger would have reared its head, the only emotion that was allowing me to stand upright.
I wrote an open letter a few months later, when people felt comfortable telling me what had happened at that funeral home visitation, as mentioned in the last chapter, to Sue Lombardi: excerpt here
Apparently , you took it upon yourself to assail some of the people who came to pay their condolences at the “visitation” planned by you and yours as to MY reasoning for not being there – Sue you said:
“Can you believe it, his own mother isn’t even here! She boycotted the funeral because it wasn’t done her way!”
“You cannot believe what we have had to put up with”
AND
“Yes, she’s an UNNATURAL mother.”
I am perplexed as to your apparent lack humanity and feelings toward those that grieve especially another mother.
You see YOU and yours stood by my son’s bed in his final moments, leaving no room for his own father …. it wasn’t even given to me to look at the face of my husband as our child died but that of YOUR husband.
And HOW he could have looked into my eyes as my son drew his last breath and see what I KNOW he saw in those eyes as I looked up into “HIS face” and then HE enabled YOU and his daughter to take from us our closure sickens and makes me question even his humanity– certainly compassion was and is absent!
My husband, who tried so hard, three times to stay in that place of mourning at YOUR visitation . The prancing about and smiling by your other daughter in front of his son’s photo and no tears shed drove him away , the fact YOU had complained
“what are we going to decorate”
when you found out there would be no casket, sickened him as he gazed on the receiving line of grief as he thought of your concern for decorating as being paramount.
It was more than he could do to stay but he tried – he felt there was no honor in your attitude toward his son.
Your stoney face and holier than thou stance finally took its toll on him – he was brought back home for good. And it seems he was right, as you had other things more important than honoring his son, criticizing and insulting me was first and foremost apparently. ”
“CAN YOU BELIEVE ……”
YOU were witness to the most private , personal, poignant and heartbreaking moments between a mother and her dying child.
YOU stood there with your relief ( because it was relief I saw in your face )- a mother’s relief that your daughter wouldn’t have to be dealing with an invalid) waiting and hovering like some black crow over its carrion .
How COULD YOU ? as a mother who watched as another mother saw her child die – the most emotionally terrifying moment any mother can face – the unbearable pain that comes with those final moments as your child slips from this realm. HOW COULD YOU?
After witnessing that moment then HOW COULD YOU? decide 3 days later it is appropriate later to tell anyone who would listen “your thoughts of her“ as they came to grieve for the child she brought into this world and watched leave –
E. Munch- 1895
All the while I was trying to process what was happening in my world, I was flashing back to my nightmares and premonitions of this happening all those months before. It had come to pass – my premotions were true, the nightmare was true! Only, I couldn’t wake up from that nightmare ,it was unfolding all around me . I was seemingly watching from afar as events repeated themselves in reality. And if possible the worse insult was yet to come.
To be continued :
October 3rd- NO LIMITS – Chapter 33 – Chris Ritchey
NO LIMITS
Forward: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/01/02/jan-3rd-no-limits-the-forward-chris-ritchey/
Chapter One :https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/02/03/feb-3rd-no-limits-chapter-1-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Two:https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/03/03/march-3rd-no-limits-
Chapter Three: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/04/03/april-3rd-no-limits-chapt-3-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Four: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/05/03/no-limits-chapter-4-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Five: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/06/03/june-3rd-no-limits-chapter-5-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Six: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/07/03/july-3rd-no-limits-chapter-6-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Seven: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/08/03/august-3rd-no-limits-chapter7-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Eight: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/09/03/sept-3rd-no-limits-chapter-8-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Nine: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/10/03/oct-3rd-no-limits-chapter-9-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Ten: NO LIMITS- Nov 3rd- Chapter 10- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)
Chapter Eleven: NO LIMITS-Dec. 3rd- Chris Ritchey- Chapter 11 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)
Chapter Twelve: NO LIMITS-Jan 3rd- Chris Ritchey- Chapter 12 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)
Chapter Thirteen : NO LIMITS- FEB 3rd- Chris Ritchey- Chapter 13 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)
Chapter Fourteen: March 3rd, NO LIMITS, Chapter 14- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)
Chapter Fifteen: April 3rd- No Limits- Chapter 15- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)
Chapter Sixteen: May 3rd – No Limits- Chapter 16- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)
Chapter Seventeen: June 3rd-No Limits-Chris Ritchey-Chapter 17 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)
Chapter Eighteen: July 3rd – NO LIMITS- Chapter 18-Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)
Chapter Nineteen: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2021/08/03/august-3rd-no-limits-chapter-19-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Twenty: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2021/09/03/september-3rd-no-limits-chapter20-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Twenty One: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2021/10/03/october-3rd-no-limits-chapter-21-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Twenty Two : https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2021/11/03/nov-3rd-no-limits-chapter-22-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Twenty Three: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2021/12/03/dec-3rd-no-limits-chapt-23-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Twenty Four: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/01/03/january-3rd-no-limits-chapter-24-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Twenty Five: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/02/03/february-3rd-no-limits-chapter-25-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Twenty Six https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/03/03/march-3rd-no-limits-chapter-26-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Twenty Seven https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/04/03/april-3rd-no-limits-chapter-27-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Twenty Eight: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/05/03/may-3rd-no-limits-chapter-28-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Twenty Nine: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/06/03/june-3rd-no-limits-chapter-29-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Thirty: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/07/03/july-3rd-no-limits-chapter-30-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Thirty-One: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/08/03/august-3rd-no-limits-chapter-31-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Thirty Two: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/09/03/september-3rd-chapter-32-no-limits-chris-ritchey/
“On pain of death” – Gutless Mother …..
The days of the ” taking leave ” all went horribly wrong……the pain caused by a family I hardly knew – Lombardis and how they made Chris’ family’s pain and heart break so much worse was not to be borne, in fact I couldn’t bear it.
What I will say to you , all of you , is that I could have stopped the pain inflicted after his death caused by those that supposedly loved and cared for my son.
I could have stopped all that has happened since his death IF I HADN’T BEEN SO GUTLESS!
Chris and I had an honest relationship. Oh! sometimes a heated, and very vocal relationship- he was after all “my” son. Sometimes we needed those “bouts of heat” to get to the real issue, to draw out what was really the problem. However, no matter how heated our points of view became, we always came back to laughter and understanding of each other. He was part of me and his heritage in more ways than one.
Now to my dilemma – In my heart of hearts I knew that Chris should be making some decisions- I had a bad feeling about what the next weeks would bring.
One night I lay awake all night trying to decide what to do , I decided to find a time in the day where I would talk to Chris but I couldn’t.
C. J. Hodge “Turning Away” permission
www.artknowledgenews.com
How do you approach your son who had just turned 29 , who was fighting for survival and living on the thin thread of hope of a clinical trial drug and say
What do you want , what would be your wishes should you die?
How could I? how could I see his face as his “mum” asked such a question? Me, who was trying her damnedest to give him hope after the news he had very little unless the SGN 35 worked and he could tolerate its side effects, and for how long?
Try as I might I just couldn’t do it. I couldn’t, for once in his life, be open and forthright with him. I thought there might be time, time after the results that I knew would be good- you see I watched the tumors on his neck shrink. I knew that when that cough stopped after the 21st of September that the SGN 35 was working. I watched my son with the eyes of a mother.
And because I couldn’t bring myself to have the “death discussion” with Chris a person who had the “legal right” ( enabled by her family) Angela , had exercised that right which has caused my family such a world of hurt .
I didn’t have Chris wishes in writing, NO ONE DID!!!!
I gave her her due and her way (that is not mine ) of saying “goodbye” only a week later to be denied ours.
Decorations by Lombardi (Vyka etc. )and Company
I am sure Chris trusted his bride and his family to use the love they had for him in a way that would help healing.
That didn’t happen because I was a “gutless wonder”
If there is a lesson to be learned here, please don’t trust that your final wishes would be what you wanted.
MAKE YOUR DECISIONS, MAKE THEM IN WRITING, AND MAKE THEM KNOWN, SIGN YOUR NAME!
There are no niceties in death and for some of us there was a great wickedness enabled by a mother’s cowardice.
I retreated in a world closed off by tears , no sounds came through that veil but the sounds of sobbing…..I somehow knew that it was coming from me. The funeral meeting has been held , I stayed home with my broken husband and Nikki’s baby. It wasn’t until afterwards anyone told me what had happened . I wrote on this blog an OPEN LETTER TO SUE LOMBARDI
“I read Chris’s Obituary on Saturday in the local paper. Was this my wonderful young man whose life was put into so many cents a line? Was this MY Chris – I could not let that be the last words written about my son so I composed a letter which I hope will be a more fitting epitaph to one whose passing has broken a mother’s, father’s and sister’s heart.
The Unbearable Pain of Being
I read my son’s obituary Saturday – a few lines describing a young man who was so much more than a husband, brother, friend , hunter, sportsman and employee.
Chris’ last 22 months on this earth found him on the cruelest of journeys, one fraught with hope turned to despair on almost a daily basis in the last days. My son bore this cruelty with a strength of character and body that even I, his mother, found remarkable.
But before the Cancer , there was another life-one of great happiness – He was funny , sometimes “dark” in his humour, he did not suffer fools gladly .
He and his sister shared a remarkable bond – almost twin like- they would take on the world together . When he was young it was his sister who stood up to the bullies and any adversity and when he grew he supported her and fought with her any battles that came their way.
Christopher had a temper, one he shared with his mother, I understood his temper as we both shared the same “trigger mechanism”.
He knew he was loved and he loved in return. He would buy a Christmas or birthday present and then not able to wait until the day for you to see it – he would have to show it to you right then and there.
Yes, he in his short life touched so many hearts , so many people- accomplishments on the soccer field,
starting the LCCC Club Soccer program after graduating High School- coaching training camps for young players. He received numerous scholarships for soccer and his artistic talent . He received two Cleveland Addy awards in his short career with Wyse Advertising . He would have been one of the best had his life not been cut short.
His friends know how special he was – he had some truly wonderful friends and I believe he too was a good friend.
I said goodbye to my son last Thursday – but my heart has not been able to let him go – he was one of the only reasons for being – I ache for him – I look for him- I cry for him – my son who was so very much more than a few paragraphs in an Obit column-
He was- Chris – a multi-faceted personality who gave us incredible joy and love and expected nothing in return .
I will see him on the street signs in our neighborhood, the logos, the television commercials he worked on, Settlers’ Watch – the Welcome to Lorain Booth at the Port. And my heart is sore pained within me because I will no longer hear his voice, see his smile or feel his strength.
My life has been broken in two – my happiness wrenched from me with the death of my child, my son , words cannot convey the crushing depth of my sadness, the void that cries to be filled and the torrents of tears that I shed that bring no relief.
I penned that Obit to be read at the “memorial service” How could I break out my closed off world , crippled emotionally.
How because I was ANGRY !
Angry at the lies, angry at people who had no kindness of thought for the family who loved Chris and still love him. It was anger that cause me to be upright and it is anger that gave me strength………
To be continued.
September 3rd- Chapter 32- NO LIMITS-Chris Ritchey
NO LIMITS
Forward: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/01/02/jan-3rd-no-limits-the-forward-chris-ritchey/
Chapter One :https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/02/03/feb-3rd-no-limits-chapter-1-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Two:https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/03/03/march-3rd-no-limits-
Chapter Three: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/04/03/april-3rd-no-limits-chapt-3-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Four: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/05/03/no-limits-chapter-4-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Five: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/06/03/june-3rd-no-limits-chapter-5-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Six: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/07/03/july-3rd-no-limits-chapter-6-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Seven: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/08/03/august-3rd-no-limits-chapter7-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Eight: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/09/03/sept-3rd-no-limits-chapter-8-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Nine: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/10/03/oct-3rd-no-limits-chapter-9-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Ten: NO LIMITS- Nov 3rd- Chapter 10- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)
Chapter Eleven: NO LIMITS-Dec. 3rd- Chris Ritchey- Chapter 11 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)
Chapter Twelve: NO LIMITS-Jan 3rd- Chris Ritchey- Chapter 12 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)
Chapter Thirteen : NO LIMITS- FEB 3rd- Chris Ritchey- Chapter 13 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)
Chapter Fourteen: March 3rd, NO LIMITS, Chapter 14- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)
Chapter Fifteen: April 3rd- No Limits- Chapter 15- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)
Chapter Sixteen: May 3rd – No Limits- Chapter 16- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)
Chapter Seventeen: June 3rd-No Limits-Chris Ritchey-Chapter 17 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)
Chapter Eighteen: July 3rd – NO LIMITS- Chapter 18-Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)
Chapter Nineteen: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2021/08/03/august-3rd-no-limits-chapter-19-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Twenty: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2021/09/03/september-3rd-no-limits-chapter20-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Twenty One: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2021/10/03/october-3rd-no-limits-chapter-21-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Twenty Two : https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2021/11/03/nov-3rd-no-limits-chapter-22-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Twenty Three: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2021/12/03/dec-3rd-no-limits-chapt-23-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Twenty Four: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/01/03/january-3rd-no-limits-chapter-24-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Twenty Five: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/02/03/february-3rd-no-limits-chapter-25-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Twenty Six https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/03/03/march-3rd-no-limits-chapter-26-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Twenty Seven https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/04/03/april-3rd-no-limits-chapter-27-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Twenty Eight: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/05/03/may-3rd-no-limits-chapter-28-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Twenty Nine: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/06/03/june-3rd-no-limits-chapter-29-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Thirty: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/07/03/july-3rd-no-limits-chapter-30-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Thirty-One: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/08/03/august-3rd-no-limits-chapter-31-chris-ritchey/
The days of death
David Eagleman is a neuroscientist, bestselling author, and Guggenheim Fellow. Dr. Eagleman’s areas of research include sensory substitution, time perception, vision, and synesthesia. He also studies the intersection of neuroscience with the legal system, and in that capacity he directs the non-profit Center for Science and Law. Eagleman is the writer and presenter of The Brain, an Emmy-nominated television series on PBS and BBC. He is the author of 8 books, including Livewired, The Runaway Species, The Brain, Incognito, and Wednesday is Indigo Blue. He is also the author of a widely adopted textbook on cognitive neuroscience, Brain and Behavior. His internationally bestselling book of literary fiction, SUM, has been translated into 32 languages https://profiles.stanford.edu/david-eagleman
David Eagleman https://eagleman.com in his book Sum states:
We actually die three times. We die the first time when our breath leaves our body. We die the second time when our loved ones return our body to the ground. And the third death, and final death, is a moment, sometime in the future, when our name is spoken for the last time.
As my son spent days dying so did I , every hour was sheer torture and the days following his final breath saw me dying inside, losing me, losing a grip on reality, not knowing where I was, what had happened.
All of a sudden I was back in my home, the hospital left behind, the home where Chris had grown up, reminders of him everywhere .
Misty , Chris’ dog. excited to see us after all these days away ran to greet us, ignorant at her master’s death, her happiness was almost crushing. I think someone must have let her out . And then we were alone , a mother and a father without their son.
I was so cold, shivering , I couldn’t stop shaking . My husband wandered the rooms , sitting , getting up sitting again, Lost!!! Finally he noticed I was shivering and shaking , he said
I will light a fire
and he went out the den door to get some firewood. Eventually, he came back with a rose , the last rose from the garden and put it in my hands, it too was cold. As he opened the fireplace doors to put in the kindling he let out the most awful sound, a wail , guttural cry and choking all combined, and fell to his knees . I couldn’t move to help him and Misty hearing this awful cry came to him and lay down nuzzling his body trying to get under him to get him up.
I truly thought he is choking on grief and there is nothing I can do , I can’t move.
I don’t know how long we stayed in that dark place , finally exhaustion overcame us I suppose. I really don’t remember but I too wandered about the house finally ending up in Chris’ old room, now decorated to hold guests and spied the little Harrods Bear he gave me when he returned from a soccer tournament in England. He had sat on his little perch for years dusted but ignored for the most part. I had thought of eventually giving him ( with his little England shirt) to my new grandson.
I picked up the little 10 inch soft cuddly bear and pressed him like a compress to my heart, trying to stop the pain that threatened to burst forth from me at any moment . I couldn’t put him down 
. Somehow I was aware that in the morning we were expected to go to the funeral home to discuss arrangements.
Nikki had managed, much to Sue Lombardi’s annoyance, to have Chris’ body taken to the funeral home behind our house . The same funeral home where as a child he rode his bike in their parking lot, whose family he had known all his life, whose daughter baby sat him, wonderful caring people. He was just 300 feet away and yet not home , never coming home and I couldn’t reach him.
I couldn’t go to that funeral home meeting , I couldn’t even stand up for any length of time let alone walk. I never wanted to see the Lombardis ever again . I also knew that whatever I said they would be wanting to do the opposite , my husband was in no shape to deal with them, they who seemingly wanted this all “Done and Dusted”- over and done with a quick as possible .
In the end we stayed with the baby, Nikki, Jim and my mum and brother-in law walked over to the Funeral Home. I was right in my thinking Sue Lombardi wanted a “big show….
I was petrified that they would ignore our beliefs and put Chris in one of the silk lined, Cadillac of caskets with chrome handles to be buried , to rot away for decades, after being drained of his blood,( more damned needles), things stuck into orifices’ to stop leaks, making him look presentable for a receiving line of grief and some curiosity, coffee and cakes in the anteroom. I couldn’t bear the thought of my beautiful son turning into anaerobic sludge
An airtight coffin, for example, may foster decomposition by anaerobic bacteria, which results in a putrefied liquification of the body; all putrefied tissue would remain inside the container, only to be exposed in the event of an exhumation
It is the American way I know and that is fine if that is your culture and of your beliefs
but it is and was NOT our way and Chris was of our culture and beliefs not the Lombardis and he hated the rituals at the cemetery they did for the nephew and cousin. His name was Ritchey not Lombardi.
I begged my son-in-law to speak for Chris . You see I knew he and Chris had discussed things when they drove back to Houston. He wanted to be cremated as it is our way and his…..
My understanding was that the Lombardis had the floor and Sue Lombardi was against cremation ..
But if there is no casket what are we going to decorate
And there you have it my wonderful son the star of her funeral celebration…………
The wedding casket……… for that all important money was all I could think of…… as I was told those words …..
August 3rd -No Limits- Chapter 31 – Chris Ritchey
NO LIMITS
Forward: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/01/02/jan-3rd-no-limits-the-forward-chris-ritchey/
Chapter One :https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/02/03/feb-3rd-no-limits-chapter-1-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Two:https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/03/03/march-3rd-no-limits-
Chapter Three: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/04/03/april-3rd-no-limits-chapt-3-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Four: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/05/03/no-limits-chapter-4-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Five: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/06/03/june-3rd-no-limits-chapter-5-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Six: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/07/03/july-3rd-no-limits-chapter-6-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Seven: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/08/03/august-3rd-no-limits-chapter7-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Eight: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/09/03/sept-3rd-no-limits-chapter-8-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Nine: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/10/03/oct-3rd-no-limits-chapter-9-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Ten: NO LIMITS- Nov 3rd- Chapter 10- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)
Chapter Eleven: NO LIMITS-Dec. 3rd- Chris Ritchey- Chapter 11 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)
Chapter Twelve: NO LIMITS-Jan 3rd- Chris Ritchey- Chapter 12 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)
Chapter Thirteen : NO LIMITS- FEB 3rd- Chris Ritchey- Chapter 13 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)
Chapter Fourteen: March 3rd, NO LIMITS, Chapter 14- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)
Chapter Fifteen: April 3rd- No Limits- Chapter 15- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)
Chapter Sixteen: May 3rd – No Limits- Chapter 16- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)
Chapter Seventeen: June 3rd-No Limits-Chris Ritchey-Chapter 17 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)
Chapter Eighteen: July 3rd – NO LIMITS- Chapter 18-Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)
Chapter Nineteen: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2021/08/03/august-3rd-no-limits-chapter-19-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Twenty: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2021/09/03/september-3rd-no-limits-chapter20-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Twenty One: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2021/10/03/october-3rd-no-limits-chapter-21-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Twenty Two : https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2021/11/03/nov-3rd-no-limits-chapter-22-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Twenty Three: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2021/12/03/dec-3rd-no-limits-chapt-23-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Twenty Four: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/01/03/january-3rd-no-limits-chapter-24-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Twenty Five: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/02/03/february-3rd-no-limits-chapter-25-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Twenty Six https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/03/03/march-3rd-no-limits-chapter-26-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Twenty Seven https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/04/03/april-3rd-no-limits-chapter-27-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Twenty Eight: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/05/03/may-3rd-no-limits-chapter-28-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Twenty Nine: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/06/03/june-3rd-no-limits-chapter-29-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Thirty: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/07/03/july-3rd-no-limits-chapter-30-chris-ritchey/
The Transition
It is probably just as well we cannot remember our birthing process. The turmoil that a wee babe must go through, pushing out of their safe warm world, after lulled before our journey by the sounds of a mother’s heartbeat, struggling through a narrow constricting tunnel as we are squeezed and pushed, with pain, into a bright and cold world, strange noises that must assail our little ears and sense .
Is it any wonder we cry as we breathe our first?
And then there it is, we are laid on a soft warm breast and once again our mother’s heartbeat, reassuring in its lullaby of life, confirms we are safe. Wrapped in softness we are held in the arms of our giver of life. We shared that heartbeat, the DNA that made us who we are was shared for those 9 months and crossed through the placenta, give and take of the process of coming into being. Cells from the mother and the child are shared between and remain in a mother’s body. The process is called
Fetal-maternal microchimerism
The placenta generally serves as a bridge between the fetus and the mother for exchange of nutrients and wastes. But that is not all that crosses this bridge—fetal and maternal cells can cross between the two organisms intact. While maternal cells do end up in the fetus, significantly more fetal cells are transferred to the mother. The result is that the mother carries a small number of foreign cells belonging to her fetus within her body—hence the name “microchimerism.” While these non-maternal cells are few in number in comparison to total number of maternal cells, evidence suggests that these transplanted cells can actually remain for long after the end of gestation. In fact, derivative fetal cells have been found in the mother’s body up to 27 years ( if not more) after pregnancy.
It is a fact…. 
If you are of the religious persuasion “the essence” that makes me, ME and you-YOU and not just a clone being – sometimes referred to as the “soul” in those religious doctrines .
I have listed just three religious beliefs about the “ensoulment of the child” , there are many more but like all things in religion there doesn’t seem to any across the board agreement :
The soul enters the fetus at 120 days (4 months), as established by the Hadith. ( Radd al-Muhtar ala Durr al-Mukhtar 1/202) Thus, when the age of the unborn child reaches 120 days (4 months), it no longer remains a lifeless object; rather, it is a living human being.
eshaykh.com/quran-tafsir/when-does-ruh-enter-fetus
https://www.catholic.com/magazine/print-edition/when-babies-get-their-souls
Aquinas was correct that the unborn receive their souls at conception; he was merely mistaken on when conception was finished, due to the science available. As modern medicine has shown, conception in humans occurs almost instantaneously, as soon as the sperm and the ovum unite. This may occur as soon as twenty minutes after the marital act.
And those of the Jewish Faith have their own beliefs:
Most often in Jewish sacred literature, a fetus in the womb is considered a human life “under construction.” The soul is usually described as arriving when the first breath of life is taken at birth. The primary Jewish imagery for the beginning of life comes from Genesis 1:2, where breath hovers above the waters of earth before life emerges from that cosmic womb. Then, in Genesis 2:7, after the body of Adam is fashioned from the clay of the earth, G*d is described as breathing life into him. These stories frame the basis for the Jewish view that the fetus gains full human rights and status only once the baby’s head has emerged from the birth canal [Ohalot 7:6].
There is one Talmudic passage in which a Greek philosopher presses a rabbi on this issue until–probably for the sake of peace with the Greek occupiers of the Land of Israel–the rabbi accedes to the prevailing view in Greek culture that the soul is present from conception. This concession did not, however, change the Jewish perspective that the activation of the fetus’s status as a human with full human rights still occurs upon birth……..
.http://www.reclaimingjudaism.org/teachings/when-does-life-begin-jewish-view
Essence – Chris Ritchey
Since my journey through “hell on earth” began I haven’t any faith in “organized religion” – as such . I prefer what I feel to be true and science. However, maybe a baby shares his/hers mother’s ( essence) soul until the DNA or whatever changes him her from a cluster of exploding cells to our daughter or son.
I don’t have any answers, just questions, and I am not saying “anyone’s’ beliefs are wrong”. I just know, like other mothers before me, there is, for want of a better word, an intuition we carry and a knowing .
For instance my daughter, who was told she wouldn’t have children (which was devastating to her and her husband) I KNEW she was pregnant . I told Chris who became so angry at me:
“Mum. don’t you dare say anything to Nikki you know how rotten she feels about not being able to have kids”
So I said nothing until two smiling and bright faces appeared in my living room weeks later..
“We are pregnant”.
I specifically said:
“Let me tell Chris. “
I called Chris and said ” I told you so ……. Nikki is having a baby”
How did I know my daughter was pregnant weeks before she knew herself? I told my mother and Chris who both chastised me because a few months before the “specialists” had told her she would never have children.
You couldn’t know that, how did you know?
I don’t know Chris I just knew ..
Maybe it was that Fetal-maternal microchimerism .
However, as I gloated that I was right …. that horrible thought I had when I looked into Chris eyes at two days old also came to the fore – Chris was part way through his Stem Cell Transplants at the time. .
Why did I look in the eyes of my newly born son all those years ago and turn to my mother and say without thinking
” He has sad eyes- he will have a sad life”
and then dismiss it with
“Why ever did I say that”https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2010/03/17/when-premonition-becomes-hindsight-part-two/
I also knew and told a doctor Nikki was pregnant with her 2nd child … he laughed at me and I said trust me on this and she was!
There are many other happenings which I will expand upon in the forthcoming “alpha” chapters. But for now I struggle to make sense of anything.
I will tell you, as I watched the blood slowly drain from my son’s face , watching his heart stop – I died too. At least the woman and person I was before that instant of death. It was also the death of “hope”
I am never going to be the same , he was gone but part of him still lived emotionally and physically within my heart and “essence”. We continued to share, even though his poor cancer ridden body was just a shell. No more laughter, anger, intelligence , love, happiness, sadness , strength or essence was left to us that was Chris.
darkness of grief Kathe Kollwitz
In that moment of death, there was another birthing – a birthing of grief.
A birthing of another person- that took over from what I used to be. And after all the months and years it hasn’t “changed or become better. The Loraine that I was is lost somewhere, but no longer here. There isn’t a word for a mother who loses her child . There isn’t any tidy little “word box” to describe us . I believe because we are indescribable .
My memories, after he passed that afternoon are pixels, fragments, broken flashes of memory , a brain that was no longer functioning properly.
There was a wheelchair, there was the hotel room, a phone ringing . Lombardis talking to Nikki .
Chris had been dead less than an hour and yet they had already made the appointment for the Funeral Home for 10 am the next morning to discuss arrangements.
Decisions in that hotel room were being made as to who would drive my car. Who would take the bags, wheel me down to the elevator, our little family was reeling , going rom one thing to another, not functioning but the Lombardis were on top of their control game.
I rode home with Nikki I don’t know where anyone else was, Jim, Gavin ( the baby ), my husband, had someone told my mum?
I have no memory I only know I wanted to call my oldest friend , Mike, in Chicago .I needed to hear an English voice for some reason , one who had shared my childhood and happiness of those days.
I walked, well fell, in the front door into my home that evening and dissolved………
To be continued…..
July 3rd- No Limits- Chapter 30- Chris Ritchey
NO LIMITS
Forward: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/01/02/jan-3rd-no-limits-the-forward-chris-ritchey/
Chapter One :https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/02/03/feb-3rd-no-limits-chapter-1-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Two:https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/03/03/march-3rd-no-limits-
Chapter Three: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/04/03/april-3rd-no-limits-chapt-3-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Four: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/05/03/no-limits-chapter-4-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Five: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/06/03/june-3rd-no-limits-chapter-5-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Six: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/07/03/july-3rd-no-limits-chapter-6-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Seven: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/08/03/august-3rd-no-limits-chapter7-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Eight: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/09/03/sept-3rd-no-limits-chapter-8-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Nine: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/10/03/oct-3rd-no-limits-chapter-9-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Ten: NO LIMITS- Nov 3rd- Chapter 10- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)
Chapter Eleven: NO LIMITS-Dec. 3rd- Chris Ritchey- Chapter 11 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)
Chapter Twelve: NO LIMITS-Jan 3rd- Chris Ritchey- Chapter 12 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)
Chapter Thirteen : NO LIMITS- FEB 3rd- Chris Ritchey- Chapter 13 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)
Chapter Fourteen: March 3rd, NO LIMITS, Chapter 14- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)
Chapter Fifteen: April 3rd- No Limits- Chapter 15- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)
Chapter Sixteen: May 3rd – No Limits- Chapter 16- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)
Chapter Seventeen: June 3rd-No Limits-Chris Ritchey-Chapter 17 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)
Chapter Eighteen: July 3rd – NO LIMITS- Chapter 18-Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)
Chapter Nineteen: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2021/08/03/august-3rd-no-limits-chapter-19-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Twenty: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2021/09/03/september-3rd-no-limits-chapter20-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Twenty One: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2021/10/03/october-3rd-no-limits-chapter-21-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Twenty Two : https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2021/11/03/nov-3rd-no-limits-chapter-22-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Twenty Three: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2021/12/03/dec-3rd-no-limits-chapt-23-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Twenty Four: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/01/03/january-3rd-no-limits-chapter-24-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Twenty Five: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/02/03/february-3rd-no-limits-chapter-25-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Twenty Six https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/03/03/march-3rd-no-limits-chapter-26-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Twenty Seven https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/04/03/april-3rd-no-limits-chapter-27-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Twenty Eight: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/05/03/may-3rd-no-limits-chapter-28-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Twenty Nine: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/06/03/june-3rd-no-limits-chapter-29-chris-ritchey/
OMEGA
Any words I have left in me are inadequate to describe the utter denial, disbelief , unreality I felt on that last morning of December 3rd. As I walked out of the conference room, the words from the “Doctor” stating we would have to waIt until the paralyzing drugs wore off before they could remove Chris from life support, seemed hollow , without emotion and echoed in my brain, I felt not a part of my own body . I was elsewhere wanting to wake up to a different reality . This can’t be our reality!
I wanted to run away , leave this place of clinical formality, take my son , I saw the relief on the faces of the Lombardi Clan as I agreed to removing Chris from the machines. I agreed with the impossible hope that maybe , he would prove them wrong but also because my son had asked me ”
“Mum don’t ever let me end up being pathetic”
I never wanted to look on the faces of Tim, Sue and Angela ever again. In my mind they were no longer part of our lives. Little did I know they weren’t done with Chris and his family yet, their controlling behaviour would reach out even through the death of Chris , in order to have their own way.
We went into Chris room, Nikki was there in those damned pajamas , talking to him.
“Chris you came home to see me anytime, I love you……”
I wasn’t understanding did she not realize he wouldn’t be ever coming home again?
A nurse ushered out of the room into the room next door, where just a few hours before the patient had caused all the alarm in the night had apparently died. We were told to wait as we couldnt be in the room whilst they “unhooked” Chris .
The room was bare, the bed and machines cleared away. I was in there with Sue Lombardi, Angela and Tim.
I wondered where my husband was , Nikki , Jim???Why was I in that horrible room with these people. I was about to leave when the tellvision, fixed to the wall came on . I don’t know the program but it was country music ….. I couldn’t stand it , it was as if someone was playing some macabre joke.
I grabbed the channel changer from the floor , but no matter what I did I couldn’t get rid of it. Finally Tim Lombardi left Sue’s side , she was sitting on the floor against the wall, but all he managed to do was get it flipping through channels. It ended up on a scene from 
. The joke being in the family that I was Marie Barone and my favourite was Chris, as hers was Raymond. It was the scene where they were together on a cruise ship.
Angela took the channel changer from her father as Sue said looking at the scene on the television
“OH it is Chris”
I looked at her and thought
stupid woman , why doesn’t she just shut up!!!!
It was then the nurse put her head through the door and said they were ready for us.
Angela, her mother and father went to the right hand side of the bed where there weren’t any machines, I could only squeeze into the other side by the wall and the now quiet ventilator.
I looked at my sons face, wiped the spittle from his mouth , the nurses has closed his eyes . I rambled on, talking to him about being proud of him , how hard he fought and that he should rest now. I don’t know exactly what I was talking about because all I wanted to do was hold him and scream
NO!!!!!!! Stop this !!! This can’t happen
Instead, I watched the colour drain slowly from his face , he had died earlier I knew it…… there was no gasping for breath or convulsion. I looked up into Tim Lombardi’s face who was nodding yes….. Sue left the room Someone took me away from the bedside , I think it was one of Chris’ nurses . There was a wheelchair waiting for me. I had absolutely no idea where I was ,what was happening .
I was taken back to hotel room and we sat. Nobody talked finally we started packing up our belongings and left. Nikki was on the phone apparently to Tim
” arrangements for the funeral home had already been made for the following morning at 10 a.m”
In my maelstrom of thoughts I didn’t understand why Chris’ father hadn’t been there when his son died. I knew Nikki couldn’t face it and was, I thought, being taken care of by Jim.
I understood that but I didn’t understand why I had to look into that weasle little face of Tim Lombardi as my son gave up his being.
It was many weeks later I found out when I finally asked my husband
Where were you , why weren’t YOU with me and Chris?
And then it came to light. He had made sure Nikki was with Jim and then followed us into the room but Sue Lombardi closed the door in his face and he didn’t know what to do , he didn’t want to make a scene so he stood outside the door and looked through the window as his son died.
artwork Chris Ritchey
I would like to say that that was the last cruel and thoughtless act of the Lombardis but there was so much more to come. However it was nearly a year after Chris died that Nikki finally told me what had happened in that ICU room
I couldn’t think that my beautiful son was going to die- I truly still thought he will show them he will come out of this – I never gave up hope and none of us said to goodbye-
My husband when he was in a coma told us that he had heard every word that people spoke but he couldn’t let us know. So we all acted on the fact that Chris too, was aware and were so careful not to say or do anything that would distress him- trapped as he was…….
Fashionistas Sue Lombardi and Angela (Lombardi) ritchey( Now Murphy.
This apparently was not consideration given by the Lombardis as Sue Lombardi and Angela joined Nikki in the ICU room. Nikki was putting cool cloths on Chris’ brow , holding his hand and talking to him that everything was Ok and she wouldn’t leave him-
However that was not the reason apparently the Lombardi women were in the room, not for them comfort and saying farewell NO they had other reasons for seeing Chris
they were choosing his “laying out clothes”
So before my son was dead, two minutes after Nikki had learned they were taking Chris off the vent – Angela Ritchey(Murphy) DO and Sue stood over my dying son having already decided without even the courtesy of discussing with Chris’ family the Gluvna Funeral Home would handle the arrangements-
Sue Lombardi
We will lay him out in his black pants, blue shirt and silver tie
Angela –
Yes, but no suit jacket Chris wouldn’t like that
Nikki couldn’t believe what she was hearing her brother lying there still breathing, still warm, his hand still in hers and they are discussing “funeral fashion!” –
Nikki told me that day a year later between her sobs –
Mum who are these people? how does a “bride” stand there as her husband is dying and calmly decide what fashion statement he will make in his casket- I was standing there trying to memorize every piece of his face, his hands everything about him knowing I would never see him again and they are discussing what to dress him in and he wasn’t even dead. I just cannot believe they were so cool and calm and cold when Angela said
“Yes but no jacket ” it was in the same tone as sayingI will have honey mustard sauce with the nuggets…….
Nikki turned to them and quietly said through her teeth so that Chris didn’t hear
NO! you are not laying my brother out, there will be no casket he is to be cremated, he isn’t to go to Gluvna but to Boyers – I will fight you on this – he is to go home
Sue Lombardi:
but this will be a huge funeral and what would we do about the parking….
I still find this scenario incredible What kind of people are more concerned in the “funeral fashion statement” of their son-in-law and new husband will wear and where Sue would have people park as he is clinging to life.
Who calmly looks at their dying groom and is concerned about jacket or no jacket, what kind of people are these ?- How could you even discuss this as a sister holds her dying brothers hand and tries to give him comfort?
How could Angela even contemplate that next move? I just know that anyone who loved my son deeply would not be thinking of “dressing him in his coffin” in their last moments together !
I didn’t know any of this at the time and it is probably just as well because as traumatic as the next few days were they would have been worse as my anger would have risen to a dreadful climax.
– I am even more filled with disgust that someone who was so full of life, love and caring has left this life and those that should have mourned his loss stood over him – as he lay dying deciding how to dress him in a casket to look good!
The disgust I felt at such pious hypocrites is indescribable – to think my son was subject to this in his last moments “what would he be wearing as they decorated him in the casket “ filled me with a gut filled sickness, it is beyond my comprehension as to what he did to deserve such coldness?
To be continued ……..
June 3rd- No Limits- Chapter 29- Chris Ritchey
NO LIMITS
Forward: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/01/02/jan-3rd-no-limits-the-forward-chris-ritchey/
Chapter One :https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/02/03/feb-3rd-no-limits-chapter-1-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Two:https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/03/03/march-3rd-no-limits-
Chapter Three: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/04/03/april-3rd-no-limits-chapt-3-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Four: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/05/03/no-limits-chapter-4-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Five: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/06/03/june-3rd-no-limits-chapter-5-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Six: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/07/03/july-3rd-no-limits-chapter-6-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Seven: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/08/03/august-3rd-no-limits-chapter7-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Eight: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/09/03/sept-3rd-no-limits-chapter-8-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Nine: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/10/03/oct-3rd-no-limits-chapter-9-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Ten: NO LIMITS- Nov 3rd- Chapter 10- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)
Chapter Eleven: NO LIMITS-Dec. 3rd- Chris Ritchey- Chapter 11 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)
Chapter Twelve: NO LIMITS-Jan 3rd- Chris Ritchey- Chapter 12 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)
Chapter Thirteen : NO LIMITS- FEB 3rd- Chris Ritchey- Chapter 13 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)
Chapter Fourteen: March 3rd, NO LIMITS, Chapter 14- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)
Chapter Fifteen: April 3rd- No Limits- Chapter 15- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)
Chapter Sixteen: May 3rd – No Limits- Chapter 16- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)
Chapter Seventeen: June 3rd-No Limits-Chris Ritchey-Chapter 17 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)
Chapter Eighteen: July 3rd – NO LIMITS- Chapter 18-Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)
Chapter Nineteen: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2021/08/03/august-3rd-no-limits-chapter-19-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Twenty: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2021/09/03/september-3rd-no-limits-chapter20-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Twenty One: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2021/10/03/october-3rd-no-limits-chapter-21-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Twenty Two : https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2021/11/03/nov-3rd-no-limits-chapter-22-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Twenty Three: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2021/12/03/dec-3rd-no-limits-chapt-23-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Twenty Four: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/01/03/january-3rd-no-limits-chapter-24-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Twenty Five: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/02/03/february-3rd-no-limits-chapter-25-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Twenty Six https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/03/03/march-3rd-no-limits-chapter-26-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Twenty Seven https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/04/03/april-3rd-no-limits-chapter-27-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Twenty Eight: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2022/05/03/may-3rd-no-limits-chapter-28-chris-ritchey/
A losing of function
Note: I have been dreading this chapter all month. I have put it off, shoved the memories back into their dwelling place. As my self- imposed deadline of the 3rd of the month loomed, I ran emotionally from remembering. My conscious thought telling me
“don’t go there ” , you can’t go back to that time, your well being is at stake. You survived that day because it was so surreal and you were protected by “unbelievability” as to what was actually happening. You were tired, emotionally exhausted things happening were cushioned with incredibility , the -this is not happening syndrome.
Days passed and the closer the 3rd of June came the more I ran from this writing. I couldn’t bring myself to do this , but the nights were different perspective altogether, I lay awake for hours, although exhausted , I would watch the moon in its phases lighting the bedroom causing the tree to outside cast its dancing shadows on the wall.
Everything in me has fought this moment, but here it is June the 2nd, 2022 and I am remembering the most painful day of my life and “my death” as well. You see, and I know those of you that have lost a son or daughter know the very moment that happens , you lose who you are too. You are not the same and you never will be ………
For days I sat by your side , those last three days being in the new Medical ICU unit were dreadful. Not only did the nurses and doctors not know who I was, and I was too tired to explain, I was falling apart emotionally and physically. Weeks of wearing the paper medical masks ( since they insisted you had H1N1), because that is what Angela had told them in ER and of course why question the “doctor in waiting”.
The mask, the dryness of the room and the stress had caused the skin under my nose to blister and scab. I, apparently, was somewhat allergic to those particular masks. One lovely nurse gave me ointment to help. There was no ointment for my swollen, to nearly three time their regular size, my legs. In this unit , there was not comfortable arm chair. This unit obviously did not want visitors so the only chair was a metal folding chair. Sitting on the cold hard metal , not moving holding his hand, only getting up to put a cool facecloth on his burning brow. I was reminded every time I did so by the marks left on your scalp as they had pulled off the brain wave electrodes, the skin was sore and red and the hair gone and slight bleeding. Someone obviously had no thought for my son as they pulled those off, but he was dying anyway! I noticed a lot of that sort of attitude in that unit, so different from the previous ICU.
Photo source http://www.neurowavesystems.com/
And so it was the night of December 2nd. I had gone , as usual walked to the unit with my husband about 10 pm. The Lombardi clan hovering in the corridors talking tacos. I had no wish to see.
Nikki was exhausted , having to breastfeed the baby and dealing with everything. Jim had brought the baby up to the hotel. Nikki hadn’t any pajamas and had purchased a pair at the gift shop. Unlike my lime green creation I had purchased, the one pair she had to buy was two piece pink, chocolate and white striped . I remember thinking they reminded me of Neapolitan ice cream.
I was surprised , as we headed to the unit to see two of Chris’ high school friends. What were they doing there????? , Apparently, Angela had been sending out texts
“if they wanted to see Chris before he died they should come”
I cannot honestly remember what I said to them , but I don’t think I was very pleasant. However, it explained why Chris’ nurse was flustered as we walked into our son’s room
“You know there are visiting hours we can’t have all you people coming in and out all night long”
I explained who I was and why I would be sitting there all night , at least until rounds in the morning. If they needed me to move I would but I would not be leaving my son. She explained that during her shift people had been in and out. I told her :
she would have to take that up with his wife because I certainly was against anyone coming into see him in this condition. He would have hated it.
My husband went back to the hotel room . I continued to sit in that glass bubble of a world, a young woman ( presumably a Doctor) would look through the glass at the monitors. I hoped Chris could hear me I hummed the lullabies of his childhood, talked softly as to how much we loved him, that Nikki and Jim were there., anything to try to give him comfort, trapped as he was, encased in machines.
My inner thoughts , I did not say outloud , I spoke them silently
” Please Chris you have to turn a corner soon , I just don’t know how much longer I can hold up, please Chris
Nurse Nicole , it was her first week in that particular ICU came in to say they would be bathing him and I could stay and help if I wished. I told her
No! he would hate me to be there for that and I would go and get something to drink and come back.
After a while I went back into the ICU , I asked whether they had been continuing the eye drops as his eyes were partially open and I had been told it could cause issues if they weren’t moisturized regulary after he came off the vent.
She went away to get an OK and came back, I said did she notice the urine bag had blood in it. No! that wasn’t like that before, I will check let me put the drops in. It was 3 am and she looked at me and said
“his pupils are fixed and dilated “
Fixed and moderately dilated pupils are seen in brain death because of the loss of both sympathetic and parasympathetic influences.
She then left to call for the head of the unit. All hell broke loose as a male Doctor , whomever he was , and the nurses as they came to our room, the man in the next room decided to have an episode and apparently passed. I waited and then the nurse said the Doctor had ordered a scan. I called Angela and told her what the nurse had said and waited.
It was 5 am by this time , Angela appeared at the desk with the Doctor, who had glanced into the room at that stats at least twice during the night . She and Angela chatted as if I didn’t exist .
Angela asked what was the prognosis?
OH ! this is the first night he had held his own
– Angela
Cool Beans! we now have to feed my boy
Dr. We have to do something about a bowel movement first
As I stood there like some peripheral groupie I mentioned the scan and that
“the ICU nurse was very concerned as his pupils were fixed and dilated and had called the Neurologist for a scan”
The Elephant Run-by Chris Ritchey
Two faces and pairs of eyes ” in the know medical (Drs.?) turned and looked at me like I was some sort of “ignorant irritant”
That young woman. presumably a Doctor, – I don’t remember her name just her face- I had seen it through the early morning hours looking at the monitors through the glass – never once coming into the room – said:
”
Oh I am not worried he is on a boat load of medication
Giggles from the “Dr. to be Ritchey ( Angela)
Oh! he is on enough medication to fill up an elephant heehehehehee!
I had such a bad feeling but I had to sleep, I left them chatting and went back to the room . I went to the chaise lounge by the window where I could see his room across the way. I fell instantly into a desperate sleep only to be woken by Nikki-
Mum you have to go back
– I said
Nikki I can’t- I can’t even stand
and she said
Mum, you have to something is wrong- I will come down as soon as Jim gets here to take Gavin
I rushed through the hallways- to this day I have no idea what clothes I had on…. I found my son’s room empty of the usual “clan”– no one was with him I went in- a new nurse said
You are wanted in the conference room for a family meeting
-I said
my husband is there I am not leaving my son alone I promised him-
Nurse
YOU HAVE TO GO!
I looked at this officious nurse and said
“I DON’T “HAVE” TO GO ANYWHERE OR DO ANYTHING I AM NOT LEAVING MY SON ALONE!
It was then Nikki arrived – still in the Neapolitan pajamas purchased from the hospital gift shop- like some bizarre clown outfit. I remember thinking Chris would find it funny.
She said:
Mum you go I will stay with Chris I promise
The meeting that day was about taking Chris off the vent they the hospital and they needed me there as they
“didn’t want any trouble”
They needed my permission as well as his wifes- I had the night before made sure that the staff were now aware that Nikki and I were also on his paperwork.
The Doctor, who chatted about bowel movement and holding his own just 2 hours previously was now saying his brainstem ( after looking at the scans) had collapsed and he was effectively brain dead.
Brainstem death is a clinical syndrome defined by the absence of reflexes with pathways through the brainstem – the “stalk” of the brain, which connects the spinal cord to the mid-brain, cerebellum and cerebral hemispheres – in a deeply comatose, ventilator-dependent patient. Identification of this state carries a very grave prognosis for survival; cessation of heartbeat often occurs within a few days, although it may continue for weeks if intensive support is maintained.
The Dr. explained what would happen and our options and what each option would mean when they did this-one option being surgery to release the pressure on the brain. What ever they did they were going to have to wait until one of the medications which paralyzed him wore off so it would be a little while.
NOTE: I cannot write anymore as the dying time took all day and horrors of heartbreak and ignorance continued to pummel me and my family. There was no kindness in this dying … I will have to continue on the next 3rd
to be continued……..
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