Dec 3rd- crumbling walls- Chris Ritchey
Although I write about you every 3rd day of every month as a way to release my grief, love of you and so you are not forgotten, December 3rd is looming. The dying days that start at Thanksgiving – the day I sat alone in the waiting room as you were put on the vent. I relive that day and that intensive care waiting room every year dreading I won’t be able to hold myself together amidst all the joy of turkey , pumpkins, pies and laughter.
The circus that ensued that terrible Thanksgiving Day at the Cleveland Clinic thanks to “those others” (Lombardi) who finally came to “wait”, share dry turkey and cold mashed potatoes and discuss recipes whilst you were fighting for your life sickens me still. I could never understand their reactions of party hearty , picnic time- it is a wonder they didn’t bring celebratory wine. Respect and kindness to your family as we tried to deal with the losing of you certainly wasn’t on their menu .
artwork Chris Ritchey
It starts with Thanksgiving , the defense walls are reinforced , more to protect others from the volatile emotions that are churning within me. They deserve and need their happiness, they need not be reminded of dying days. I so wish I was strong, I am not.
These days leading up to the day you died leave me , even after the years of trying to train myself to avoid the trigger moments, weak and bereft of control. I had a relative who used to take to their bed when there were situations they couldn’t handle. There is no respite for me there in amongst the down pillows. I lay awake fighting down the emotional agony of remembrance of those days .Finally exhaustion will bring sleep but the mind continues and all the building of walls to keep my emotions and thoughts in check are breached. Down pillows become wet with tears.
Honestly I don’t know how my heart has kept beating, there are times choking back sobs I can’t breathe. but your beautiful sister and two little boys whose excitement at the season acts as an antidote enabling me once again to bear the unbearable.
Your Chris Miss presents to Gavin and Braedyn will once again be delivered and I will reinforce the walls ….. I love and miss you every day but December 3rd will find the walls tumbled into nothing and I will hide from the world until I can function again.
Artwork Chris Ritchey
“Heartbreak is a heavy burden to carry as a soul weakens” I love you Chris
Not forgotten- a reminder- and a Victory -Lorain
Photo Dan Brady
The lines of communication were broken and entangled, opinions of just what is “historic” and what is not – were bogged down in who “remembered ” and who forgot, who said what and who did what.
https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2018/11/10/lest-we-forget-lorain-administration-forgot/
A battle commenced in the hearts of those that not only have loved the “Dark Angel”, Miss Victory, Lorain’s Angel, whatever name she was known by. People rallied , historians, writers, council people who had voted NO to the sale of her place of honor, the possible movement to “monument row ” at nearby Lakeview park. Social media lit up with a resounding NO!!! Articles appeared in newspapers , on-line .
Photo Karen Ferraro
The consensus of the general population was the “Dark Angel” should remain in the place of honor in perpetuity . Lorain, in the past, has had a history of moving and get rid of its tangible history as if it is some “outdated décor” put away to be stored in pieces parts or demolished. But the latest ideas found a community saying not this time.
I am proud of those who stood up, researched, reached out to government, and wrote of their displeasure Matt Nahorn, Dan Brady , Diane Medina , Mary Springkowski , Jeff Sigsworth , and hundreds of people on face book pages.
I am glad to say that after not only was her “sentimental worth ” acknowledged but also her “historical” worth.
Thanks has to go to Mayor Ritenauer and Port Director Tom Brown because they came together ( as government should) to not only save that little park but to honor those that had kept her and this country free , through all the wars that followed the war to end all wars. It is a victory for common sense , historical worth and yes for sentiment.
Yesterday the Port of Lorain and The city of Lorain issued a joint statement saving the “lady”
Instead of angst and turmoil and he said ,she said, the coverage this morning is one of thanks , thanks to those with who served , are remembered and those whose passion fought for a Lady of Victory”
Thank YOU LORAIN!!!
.
Lest we Forget – Lorain Administration Forgot –
Well I finally am angry enough to write , because that is what it takes to get my fingers flying across a key board. This was not the Remembrance Day post I had planned .
Lorain’s tangible history is almost extinct. I have given up for the most part because the interest in tangible history is not a priority in Lorain. If it is not maintained, knocked down , bastardized or moved about , it becomes a photo in file at the Lorain Historical Society on 10th street.
Tomorrow is Armistice Day , all over the world but Lorain Ohio, the administration under Mayor Ritenauer, Safety Service Director Dan Given and Chief of Staff Phil Dore decided in their “wisdom” that a little park ” was not worth the upkeep and had no historical significance” . Now to fill in readers NOT from Lorain but elsewhere in the country and world that come to this blog.
In April 1922 this town decided to honor the Great War’s war dead and injured they put their heart , soul, money and pride into a little V shaped park , commissioned a statue and the town gave due honors :
Photos courtesy of Dan BradyPlease access Dan Brady’s blog for the “historical research ” and story about the little park that became Victory Park https://danielebrady.blogspot.com/2012/05/ninety-years-of-miss-victory.html
Photo Dan Brady
Apparently this little tiny memorial park demands too much upkeep and was lumped in with other “vacant and overgrown lots in their mind.
“The city’s position is that we own hundreds of parcels all over that we’ve acquired over time,” Given said. “Why are we sitting on these things, maintaining them, cleaning up junk when we can actually make it productive?”
Photo Lorain 365
So the wheels started going round and round and talks were ongoing between “Veterans Groups” not with any transparency apparently because I live with a veteran and I had to tell him what was happening .
Ironically it was to me “that woman” to whom Dan Given and the city came to get the information about the “historical significance” to that V and the statuary . I duly got them all the historical significance and the who is who and how a city remembered in 1922 and for the past 96 years.
https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2013/08/25/victory-no-longer-empty-handed-v-for-volunteers/
How annoying then to read from the Morning Journal www. morningjournal.com today the Chief of Staff of the City of Lorain quote :
He said the city also went out of its way to ensure the property had no historical significance for WWI and found none.
“It just so happened, that whoever funded the statue, put it there,” Dore said.
Did this man read any of the information given objectively or did they just cut and paste to fit what the intended purpose to do away with a “nuisance” hand it over to someone else.
I can taste my anger at the moment. They reached out to Veterans groups after the DAV post reached out to them but not the community that Mayor Ritenauer was concerned about . The agenda for Monday Night’s City Council meeting slipped this item in
Item G- ord – authorizing the Safety /Service Director to advertise for bids for the sale of two parcels no longer needed for municipal purposes.
The city council then went into executive session to discuss this with council members – of course not only can’t the community at large attend this session but Council members in their wisdom just voted on the matter when they came back to the floor.
Dissenting Votes,
Mary Springkowski, Greg Argenti and Josh Thornsberry. the rest could not apparently decide to send this to at least a committee so the “community could have its say?
NO! in their impeccable timing of the Administration and Dore and Given one week before NOVEMBER the 11th they decided this little park ” Dore: had no historical significance for WWI and found none. LOOK AGAIN PHIL!!!!!!
Well I beg to differ, there are still relatives of the American Legion Commander instrumental in organizing those honors ( see the article from 1922) who take pride in the Historical Worth of that little Park. Once the city sells it to whomever the Veteran Organizations decide that park can be torn down ,statues moved to monument row at Lakeview Park where they are totally out of context. or destroyed . We Only have “their word” this won’t happen in the future and forgive me but that isn’t good enough
The plan isn’t to go in and disrupt the entire community and move monuments,” he said. “But when we have veterans groups that their sole purpose is to honor the people who lead us in war with their bravery, it’s our obligation to listen to them.”
Been down that road before : Once bitten twice shy!!!!!! and so glad Mr. Given when YOU were on City Council you didn’t “listen to the Vets Council” when they wanted to give away the 200 year old park on 4th to make way for “Condos”
https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2013/08/01/veterans-memorial-park-thanks-for-the-memories/
https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2013/07/31/veterans-memorial-park-faulty-memory/
The mayor said ‘hey, I don’t want a nasty storm over this whole issue. If it’s good for the community, it’s good for the community,’” Given said
quotes from www. morningjournal.com article Lorain Clarifies Victory Park Plans .
Well maybe if the “Community” had been informed though discussion there would not be the blog post, the social media outrage at this “deal”
Never has so much blather been uttered by so few to cause outrage to so many!!!!
There is a “shame in this ” that shouldn’t be forgotten. Oh it will be forgotten yesterdays news!!! Lorain and her “non historical worth will move on” BUT as long as there is an internet and this blog is archived ” the “memory” of this debacle of decisions” will live on!
NOTE: I welcome any op ed for the city administration…. and this situation has earned the not so coveted Notorious Opponents of Exactitude Award
Nov. 3rd- tale of two – grief- Chris Ritchey
Chris Ritchey Source
Just three days after I wrote the October 3rd remembrance of you your Nana joined you. I would like to think that you were there for her. I know how much you loved her.
It has been almost a month and the grieving for your Nana is so different. I feel like a vessel full to the brim with sadness but inside this vessel the grief at the loss of you and of my mum meet . The grief I have for you plunges , rolls, rises up and is pushed back down. It takes will power not to drown in its depths but it can overwhelm me at times. It is cold , tearing at my brain, heart and gut taking pieces of me as it rages on. It is a monster and no parent should have to feel its presence.
Your Nana , I so miss, I spent every day with her for the past 34 years , she was part of all decisions made as a family. And for the past 8 years shared this roof and kitchen. There are many things that will bring tears but somehow they comfort as release. It is a gentle grief. Nana had lived a full life – fuller than most- her 99 years apart from the past few months saw her enjoying life, having her wits about her and good health. She had grown tired wanted to
“get off the planet” more and more as her health deteriorated. Her passing was with dignity, love and was understandable. She embraced the “transitioning” -her life force spent not from disease but just being old. and wearing out. Her passing was logical, the grand order of things and the grief I feel does not leave me questioning WHY???? or looking for answers.
I understand the loss of my mother but not the loss of you and my heart and brain rails against the WHY!!!
Source Chris Ritchey
Sherrod Brown and Hospice THANK YOU- Lorain
This blog has been all about death and dying recently – more so than usual. It has been a long 6 months since my mum was put under Hospice Care. I have to give a shout out to Mercy New Life Hospice – Kolbe Road. https://www.mercy.com/locations/specialty-locations/hospice-care-palliative-care/mercy-new-life-hospice
because their nurses and aides helped me keep my promise to my mum that she would stay in what became her home here with us.
It was NOT easy, anyone that tells you that being a “carer ” 24 hours a day 7 days a week will not leave you drained, frustrated , emotionally pulled in so many directions has not walked that path.
I found myself having to do things for my mum in those last weeks that I hated doing and she hated having done. She could tell by my face that I was struggling with things. I was never cut out to be a nurse , never wanted to care for the ill but you do things you never thought you would because of love. There were times I didn’t think I could keep my promise as lifting and being “on duty” 24/7 took their toll physically, my husband and I were the walking wounded to begin with. Thank goodness for my daughter who stepped up to the plate on more than one occasion.
And then all of a sudden she was gone, my job was gone as well, it has taken many days not to listen for the sound of her “chimes” calling me upstairs to help her. Not to look at the clock , not to wake at 3 in morning and get up and check on her. The days of trying to find something she could eat or might tempt her to eat put aside. Tea was her elixir of life in this house.
I am grateful to the Doctors , nurses and aides because those last months she and I didn’t have to worry about the prescription coverages, the medical bills. WHY because she was covered by insurance and why was that ?
Regular Readers will remember this time last year I was fighting the gatekeepers . Kasich , the Governor of Ohio , had done away with the medical program under which my mother was covered and paid into for decades. People who should have known a way forward did not help this 98-year-old woman , bureaucracy abounded and for months I fought and cajoled only to be turned away by the local Social Security Offices ( Medicare) – Job and family Services – all this is documented and one day I will write in-depth the whole sorry fiasco. I was at my wit’s end for so many weeks – I was helpless – ME who can cut through the crap to solutions stymied , lost in a healthcare limbo, not knowing where to turn next.
https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2018/02/21/the-gatekeepers-keeping-us-out-part-one/
On November 6th we will be voting , I am in a quandary as to how most of my votes will be cast BUT there is one person who will receive my vote as well as that of my family Sherrod Brown – https://www.brown.senate.gov/
Why???? because his staff in Lorain and “his” caring , expertise and knowledge of the medical system, federal programs cut through all the gobbledegook I was facing and pointed us in the direction of HELP when not one other agency or politician would or could.
Still the confusion with bureaucrats and up jumped Muppets of Medical abounded BUT now I had people with knowledge to help us through and that was totally thanks to Sherrod Brown and his offices. Because of that my mum and I only had to deal with “dying” and could access the medical assistance she needed .
So yes this is a political “Vote For” post but I know in my heart of hearts this man and the people he employs CARE and cared when I needed the help the most. I am not a Democrat or Republican and haven’t ever before asked anyone to “vote For” but I am doing so now and I take this plea very seriously please vote for Senator Sherrod Brown thank you ………..
The Dance ended- the room emptied- Mum 2018
Will you write about me? What will you say? You won’t forget me ?
Yes mum I will write about you , but not an obituary after all how could I put into 200 or at the most 450 words the life lived for 99 years ? I could fill that space with just the last 5 months. I did write a special post on your 97th birthday which covered some highlights of your life
https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2016/02/10/in-the-pink-97-years-and-counting-mum/
“My mum is gentle , sweet, never sees the bad in people ( sometimes a failing), can bake for Britain, loves people with a depth beyond knowing, always makes excuses for their not so nice behavior, and has a strength to her that has sustained her for 97 years.
I don’t know what I will say I never know until I sit down at the keyboard but I am sure nothing I can write can do you justice to people who do not know you or know you well.
You won’t write the bad bits will you? I didn’t put the bad bits in my book
Cover Design Chris Ritchey
https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2010/09/12/long-time-passing-gone-to-fighting-everyone/
“ROY ( my father) was on leave from the Navy for 4 days. He phoned on the Sunday and we were to be married by special license in the little church on the Ridgeway , Mill Hill on the Monday.
What a day for a wedding France had surrendered and our guests were more concerned with the war news”
SOURCE
After the reception we left Roy’s home to “go away” Where? we had no idea . Uncle Jack had kindly lent us the Humber. As he stood at the door waving us off he said: “You look such a couple of kids no one will take you in” I was silent as we sped along the great North Way – this was June and the last time I had seen Roy was the previous Christmas when we became engaged”https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2010/09/17/long-time-passing-gone-to-fighting-everyone-part-three/
I promise I won’t add to what I have already written and you have already seen and read. I have written reams about you every birthday for the past 10 years, your life with us, I will not add to what has already been written of those times . BUT mum those bad bits and terrible times were your finest hours the adversity and pain you faced showed your absolute courage and strength of purpose.
‘No , not the bad bits that only you know…
Ok mum but what about the artist that wanted to paint you nude?
NO certainly not I only found out in time he wanted to paint my breasts as a back splash for the hot and cold taps in his kitchen .
There are hundreds of people all over this world whose lives you touched in your 99 years. You always found the good in even those that hurt you and caused life changes , you were so different from myself. I could never forgive those that caused you pain. I did put up with at least one of them for your sake, you never made or wanted fuss and confrontation.
https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2011/09/26/what-are-they-thinking-the-thought-process-stops-here/
The only people you never forgave was the Tim and Sue Lombardi clan and their offspring ( Angela Lombardi ( Ritchey) Murphy, ( she has a steel rod up her back were your words just a few days ago , very cold) so unlike you but they caused this family great hurt and in your words were unconscionably cruel to your loved ones in the passing of your long-awaited grandson Chris .
https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2010/10/14/an-open-letter-mama-sue-lombardi/
https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2010/12/04/dec-4th-how-cold-is-cold-lombardi/
It was the only time you didn’t tell me to “forget and forgive”, probably knowing as well that is never going to happen.
No mum we will never forget you , you were a stabilizing force in all our lives, kind to a fault, funny even in those last days trying to bring a smile to those having to watch the Danse Macabre .
https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2018/10/03/oct-3rd-danse-macabre-chris-ritchey/
You were always so worried that you would have to go into a home,
“I am not afraid of dying it is what you have to die with that worries me”
She hated the thought of a long drawn out death that she would not be in her own bed. and would be surrounded by strangers . I promised her that she would remain with us in this house, in her own bed and she would always be clean and her bedding fresh but there was nothing I could do about the months it took for her to slowly disappear . She hated the loss of her independence , such an independent little soul, not to be able to contribute to the work load around here but was adding to it .
Mum tried every day to “help” even when her little body was less than 60 lbs.
Finally came the days when she was bedridden and needed help to do the simplest task such as eat or drink, no longer having the strength . No longer could she sit among the flowers on her balcony , only viewing through the window in her bedroom. She did not deserve to have to wait for her death this way and I am angry that she lost the things in dying what she so treasured in life, privacy, independence but I tried my utmost to give her the dignity she so deserved that was denied my son, in that at least Nikki and I succeeded.
“I am so tired, exhausted, I know I won’t see those little boys grow up , I love them so much they are held in my heart , make sure you tell them. Make sure they always have a Christmas present from me.
My mum made her arrangements in 1992- and nothing changed -she once again thought of others even those long years ago , just as she had made life easier for me as her daughter in life , she did so as she passed. I got to hold her hand , sing her the songs of my childhood , songs she sang to me to quiet my bad dreams or pain hoping that it would help calm her journey and take away the fear we all must face. She slipped past me quietly without fuss or drama , her granddaughters words of love bringing a quiet smile.
No mum we won’t forget you , how could we you are in your granddaughter’s eyes, Braedyn’s laugh and Gavin’s kind heart……………..You are in the collective memory of nieces nephews, some of whom are in their 70’s and 80’s whom you knew and held as babies, who came to stay with you over the years, of friends who became family…… as for me I cherish your spirit and always will……. til we meet again……..
A mother understands what her child does NOT say
Oct. 3rd -Danse Macabre- Chris Ritchey
Bauhaus-Archiv Berlin /Source Once again, I am locked into a performance with death. I am exhausted and angry as I watch this thief of life steal everything that is and was your Nana and my mum, just as I stood helpless as you too were locked into this grim dance of reality that faces us all.
The purloiner of life has taken the light from her blue eyes, made them red ringed and pale, her smile just a memory , as she waits , she has disappeared within her own body as it stubbornly clings to life and the loved ones around her . She is caught between the notes as the music of death is played, no longer having the strength to walk , sit or feed herself without help , her pride of independence, privacy, modesty gone , slowly drained buy the vampiric interloper and yet it seems that is not enough- still the dance partner of death continues the performance, sapping her of what is left of her , cruel in its movements as the tune reels and swirls, no respite or quarter given.
The difference with you, my darling son there was another dance partner , who lent strength to my body and soul- that of HOPE. Hope was my partner, the hours of driving, the meals, the days and nights of care, the medicines , doctors and trials would work . Parallel days with the dance I am once again intertwined , unable to find escape cold grasping fingers refusing to let me go, crushing my heart. Another August, September , October and the dance continues , the music raucous and disjointed – a cacophony of jarring notes , breaking the peace.
October 3rd , the last time you were home with your family, filled with hope that Houston would be the answer to stopping the dance, but hope, although strong in our hearts, was not enough to combat the “danse macabre” …… and now once again the robber of life has entered our home and our very beings..
and ripped from us joy , hope and laughter. I love you Chris and I know you will be here for your Nana as this final dance ends…………
Chris Ritchey Source
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