June 3rd-No Limits-Chris Ritchey-Chapter 17
Forward: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/01/02/jan-3rd-no-limits-the-forward-chris-ritchey/
Chapter One :https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/02/03/feb-3rd-no-limits-chapter-1-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Two:https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/03/03/march-3rd-no-limits-
Chapter Three: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/04/03/april-3rd-no-limits-chapt-3-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Four: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/05/03/no-limits-chapter-4-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Five: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/06/03/june-3rd-no-limits-chapter-5-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Six: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/07/03/july-3rd-no-limits-chapter-6-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Seven: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/08/03/august-3rd-no-limits-chapter7-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Eight: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/09/03/sept-3rd-no-limits-chapter-8-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Nine: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/10/03/oct-3rd-no-limits-chapter-9-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Ten: NO LIMITS- Nov 3rd- Chapter 10- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)
Chapter Eleven: NO LIMITS-Dec. 3rd- Chris Ritchey- Chapter 11 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)
Chapter Twelve: NO LIMITS-Jan 3rd- Chris Ritchey- Chapter 12 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)
Chapter Thirteen : NO LIMITS- FEB 3rd- Chris Ritchey- Chapter 13 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)
Chapter Fourteen: March 3rd, NO LIMITS, Chapter 14- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)
Chapter Fifteen: April 3rd- No Limits- Chapter 15- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)
Chapter Sixteen: May 3rd – No Limits- Chapter 16- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)
Houston Days and Nights- continued
I can’t begin to put into words how stressful it was for both of us , those days and nights. Chris and myself “pretending everything was normal “ skirting around issues we both knew were uppermost on our minds. Wanting to talk but not wanting to say out loud our fears, maybe that way we could hope a little longer.
Not everything was rosy , mother and son facing a terrible unknown locked together in a small apartment. .Chris tired and in pain. I knew it wasn’t me he wanted with him. I found a note that Angela had left behind in a desk drawer, Chris was hurt and disappointed she was leaving Texas and it was me that would be with him.
I knew my presence in Texas only confirmed that he was dying of Cancer, I was a constant reminder that he needed a care giver ( although you felt he could manage on his own to deal with side effects of a trial drug and Cancer) he would’ve preferred that it would have been his wife, not his mother to be with him.
photo Angela by Chris Ritchey
As a wife, I couldn’t have left my husband knowing that he was living under a death sentence and had been since August 29th -but that was Angela’s choice.
I could never understand Angela’s way of thinking, but tried to make allowances , she too was dealing with a terrible situation in her young married life. I couldn’t believe that even during this awful, hopeful , chaotic time she would still try to manipulate a situation and lie as she had done with Nikki and Chris and the engagement ring episode.
Chapter Three :
March 3rd – NO LIMITS- Chapt 2 – Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)
October 8th: One month in and the façade came crashing down, we were due to come back to Cleveland for a few days . I made arrangements to still keep the apartment as they were so difficult to find. To me, it was worth paying for it to be empty rather than going through the hassle of moving and or finding something else.
This one particular day we did have that heart to heart that horrible “truth revealing ” argument that shouldn’t have happened!
In the hours before that argument came to a head Chris and I had gone to get his prescriptions- he was tired and in a lot of pain- I said maybe I could pop into Borders ( which was across the way)
I would like to buy the new Dan Brown novel-
I could see he was impatient to get back so I didn’t push it. His mood was dour and his eyes narrowed and lips ( always a sign of anger) were tight. He had been on his cell phone to his wife, Angela, as we waited for his prescriptions. He drove back to the apartment in utter silence . He immediately went out by the pool in the apartment – I could see him sitting not moving. I decided he needed space -then Nikki called and said that Chris had hung up on her and was very angry.
“but leave him alone mum” he doesn’t want to talk.
I knew my son. I knew whatever it was would fester until he exploded – he was so much like me.
I went to the pool- he said
“I don’t want to talk”
“You don’t have to -you can listen- I need to talk to you”
I was never a crier before Hodgkin’s I was a fighter, a do-er – this blubbering fool that I have become is down to the helplessness and hopelessness that took away happiness. Chris never knew me as a “crier” before his illness – so as the tears fell he sat silently as I told him
Chris, being a mother of a son is so much harder than you can imagine – I have tried so hard to give you and Angela the space you both need in this terrible time. I KNOW Chris, that you are feeling that you have no control over what is happening to your body and your life- I know you need some control , another reason why I have tried so hard to stand aside- you didn’t need me in the mix as well -But I am going to honestly tell you now -if this had been Nikki and not you I would have handled things so much differently – just as Nikki is my child I would not have sat back and taken a back seat to decisions as I have with you and Angela.
You see when a son marries he brings into his life another woman- it is very difficult in the best of circumstances for a mother to sit back and watch decisions being made that in some cases I did not agree with in a normal situation- this terrible situation we find ourselves all thrust into makes it doubly hard. But I have deferred to you both and to her “medical expertise” with this obscenity of Hodgkin’s that has engulfed us. It has been one of the hardest things in the world for me not to interfere or to put in my two cents. There have been times Chris when I have doubted my own abilities and lost confidence in myself – I have gone against my own gut feelings and yet there is a voice that tells me to still be protective of you .
I have tried to give you both your space – to be there when needed and to shut up for your sake when I was totally against some decisions. I have tried for your sake because I love you so much I would do anything and sacrifice anything for your health and happiness.
I don’t know the reason why you are so angry with Nikki and I but you have to know neither of us would intentionally do anything to hurt you . We have tried to put you first in all our thinking – We love you always have and always will. “
With that I left the poolside and went back into the apartment. Chris followed a few minutes later and then it all came out ( as I knew it would) an argument and accusations the finding out of lies that were told
“we had excluded Angela in decision-making as to driving the truck back to Texas.”
He wanted to drive his truck back . I told Angela in an email ( which I have ) that it wasn’t a good idea him driving, he was having difficulty due to the side effects of SGN35 and I thought she should know since obviously you had been in Ohio since Sept 10th and hadn’t see the problems he was having even driving to Target let alone 1,700 miles.
I never received any response from Angela to my emails ( which I still have)
Chris was furious with me and Nikki
“You didn’t include Angela”
Me:
“What are you talking about – I included Angela”
CHRIS No you didn’t !
Me.
Would you like to see the emails?
CHRIS: “
Yes! I would”
Me.
So you are calling me a liar ?
CHRIS:
” Don’t give me that F…. shit if I want to see the email then I must be calling you a liar. There aren’t any emails Angela doesn’t lie!
I then pulled up the emails…. all of them sent to Angela –
ME:
Look at the dates and times Chris … now tell me I’M the one that lied…… she says here she wants to talk to you about it did she?
CHRIS:
Well she has been busy
ME:
she talks to you 4 or 5 times a day she couldn’t mention it but she could let you believe that Nikki and I didn’t include her?
He broke down cried….. my wonderful strong brave son reduced to tears not by cancer that night but by lies and manipulation
She, the loving wife and bride did that to him by trying to lie by omission … not me ….I held him and he said:
“did you ever think that I want to see something of the country if I am going to be dead in two years.”
My heart broke for him – I cried and we held on tight to each other and I said
Chris none of us know when we will die, the way you are driving lately we could end up dead on the way to hospital tomorrow ….
he laughed a little and I said:
Chris, I know the SGN35 is working, the lump on your neck isn’t visible and you haven’t coughed since Sept 21st.
That night he went and checked the lumps on his neck for the first time in weeks. Chris called Nikki back, she and Jim had talked and Jim would take time off work and drive back to Houston with Chris in his truck . He told Nikki he wasn’t really angry with her, just at the hopelessness and helplessness he was feeling. Once again Chris and sister reached out beyond the miles to each other.
After talking to Nikki he said he wanted to take a drive, we still had the hire car. He left- I wasn’t sure where and I was worried- he was in so much pain and on so many pills –
A little while later he came back ….. he walked in patted me on the head as a I sat in the chair and handed me a book as he walked to the bedroom – The Lost Symbol by Dan Brown…………
May 3rd – No Limits- Chapter 16- Chris Ritchey
Forward: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/01/02/jan-3rd-no-limits-the-forward-chris-ritchey/
Chapter One :https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/02/03/feb-3rd-no-limits-chapter-1-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Two:https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/03/03/march-3rd-no-limits-
Chapter Three: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/04/03/april-3rd-no-limits-chapt-3-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Four: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/05/03/no-limits-chapter-4-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Five: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/06/03/june-3rd-no-limits-chapter-5-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Six: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/07/03/july-3rd-no-limits-chapter-6-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Seven: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/08/03/august-3rd-no-limits-chapter7-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Eight: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/09/03/sept-3rd-no-limits-chapter-8-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Nine: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/10/03/oct-3rd-no-limits-chapter-9-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Ten: NO LIMITS- Nov 3rd- Chapter 10- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)
Chapter Eleven: NO LIMITS-Dec. 3rd- Chris Ritchey- Chapter 11 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)
Chapter Twelve: NO LIMITS-Jan 3rd- Chris Ritchey- Chapter 12 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)
Chapter Thirteen : NO LIMITS- FEB 3rd- Chris Ritchey- Chapter 13 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)
Chapter Fourteen: March 3rd, NO LIMITS, Chapter 14- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)
Chapter Fifteen: April 3rd- No Limits- Chapter 15- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)
Houston Days and Nights- continued
I haven’t the words to eloquently or adequately explain the emotions that crash in and out of your being as you watch your child battle to stay alive. This enemy, came to conquer , not with guns , bombs or knives it was insidious in its will to win turning the very body of its victim against itself. Cells that were made large so the pumps of the body (lymph nodes) plug and distort. It circulated through the life giving blood stream through the lungs causing coughing that wracked the very body trying to deal with the attacks. Cancer in all its forms is and obscenity .
I tried so hard to keep cheerful, what 29 year old wants to be with his mother. I know he wanted Angela there knowing the trial was his last hope for a cure or at least remission. I know he wanted to spend what time he had left with her . I know I was the best of a bad deal . I argued with myself, stop watching his every move, deliberately giving him space, taking myself out to the pool side to read, even though I was petrified of the little gecko things running about the pergolas and tables, I didn’t scream when they ran across my foot or thought I was a roadway across a chair.
Chris, would spend time going to the rifle range or to Cabelas. We tried to see some of the area when we could and when he felt up to it. JD and Karen, had been out of town for a bit. Chris, after one of the infusions of SGN 35 could barely speak the the next day but when JD called he put strength into his voice so JD would not realize how poorly he was feeling.
Tears welled up in my eyes and I had to go out into the lawn area and have a silent cry by myself. Only I wasn’t by myself one of the other residents I had noticed sitting by the pool, looking as I must look, was there. She looked up and me as I was not winning the battle of holding in the tears and noticed she too was crying. She reached up to hold my hand and I sat down and there we sat for a long time. Two humans knowing nothing about each other, never speaking sharing the impact of cancer. I learned she too, was caring for her grown daughter as the husband had to stay in Indiana for his job and children. Her daughter was also on a trial at MD Anderson and a last hope.
Hands – Touching- Hands – art work Christopher Ritchey
On the good days we toured Houston. He had wanted to go horse back riding. I hadn’t been on a horse in 20 years ( I was then a lot thinner and in better shape) and Chris hadn’t ridden since he was a little one. I made arrangements for the following day. Of course, that night poured with rain and a warm front came dripping over Houston. I wrote on my blog at the time :
NOOOOOO!!! this isn’t a picture of the horse after I rode it. Whew! 90 degrees yesterday after a rain that could’ve floated a boat. My foray into the wild west “avec” plastic helmet. I realize that horse rentals have to protect their clients but you tend to lose heat through your head … just ask a politician 🙂 and when it is covered with plastic and foam OMG!!!! Anyway 2 hours later after riding through swamp and shrub and bush I now remember why cowboys are bowlegged.
Chris, had become very interested in life in Texas , so different from Lorain , Ohio. One of our days ( again in that heat) was spent at George Ranch Historical Park. It was fascinating seeing the 1830’s cabin and farm the humble beginnings to the 1930’s house “George Cattle Complex” . Of course then there was that oil that helped
“The discovery of oil on the Ranch in the 1920s changed the fortunes of the family and the community forever. The George’s son and only child died while just a toddler and their beloved cousin and presumed heir Mary died tragically when she was a young woman. With no living heirs and a considerable estate, the Georges established The George Foundation to ensure that their wealth would continue to benefit communities across the county into the foreseeable future. This charitable Foundation still exists and gives back today and helps bring you the story of the remarkable family who loved, grieved, rejoiced and lived on this enduring stretch of Texas prairie.”
It was a good day and Chris was enthusiastic. I was once again feeling like I would die from the humidity and heat at any moment but we laughed and enjoyed a day without the mention of Doctors or cancer . I would have put up with heat, humidity and wading across the little river filled with alligators just to see him smile and laugh .
Mothers and Fathers who are losing their child will do the deal with God, the stars , fate whatever they believe, ”
“take me instead let my son/ daughter have life and laughter and old age…………”
To be continued………
April 3rd- No Limits- Chapter 15- Chris Ritchey
Forward: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/01/02/jan-3rd-no-limits-the-forward-chris-ritchey/
Chapter One :https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/02/03/feb-3rd-no-limits-chapter-1-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Two:https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/03/03/march-3rd-no-limits-
Chapter Three: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/04/03/april-3rd-no-limits-chapt-3-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Four: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/05/03/no-limits-chapter-4-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Five: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/06/03/june-3rd-no-limits-chapter-5-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Six: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/07/03/july-3rd-no-limits-chapter-6-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Seven: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/08/03/august-3rd-no-limits-chapter7-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Eight: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/09/03/sept-3rd-no-limits-chapter-8-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Nine: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/10/03/oct-3rd-no-limits-chapter-9-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Ten: NO LIMITS- Nov 3rd- Chapter 10- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)
Chapter Eleven: NO LIMITS-Dec. 3rd- Chris Ritchey- Chapter 11 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)
Chapter Twelve: NO LIMITS-Jan 3rd- Chris Ritchey- Chapter 12 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)
Chapter Thirteen : NO LIMITS- FEB 3rd- Chris Ritchey- Chapter 13 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)
Chapter Fourteen: March 3rd, NO LIMITS, Chapter 14- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)
Houston: Days and Nights continued:
Being able to sleep at night did not last long. Although, I was more relaxed because I could try and take care of Chris, see to his needs, cook for him I spent my days watching every nuance of his being, and nights listening to his cough and worrying.
After the first weekend we settled into a routine of trips to the hospital , taking the infusions and blood test. One of the protocols of the trial of SGN 35 involved writing down and filling in a daily chart as to his physical and mental responses each day, reactions to the medications etc.
Chris, understood, along with tests this questionnaire and his answers would be part of the decision making as to whether he would be able to continue with the drug/infusion SGN 35. And that is a problem, when you are told you last chance for a “cure” ( there is that word used by Dr. Brad Pohlman a couple of weeks prior basically giving Chris the death sentence) you will do anything to stay on the trial. Chris would duly fill out the questionnaire every day and turn it in on his appointment days. The problem is I know his pain level was NOT a three, that he was not having any significant side effects.
After the first week I went to the evaluation with Dr. Younes’ PA, she was extremely nice but was concerned as Chris had lost 4 lbs. since she had seen he and Angela that 1st week. I wanted to tell her that he probably had had nothing to eat but a plate of spaghetti for days but kept my mouth shut. I assured her I would be cooking his meals at least three times a day . When we met with Doctor Younes Chris asked him for a prescription for Oxycodone for pain. I watched the Doctors face
“You shouldn’t be feeling pain on that level, why are you on Oxycodone it isn’t in your notes….”
I immediately realized Chris had committed a grave sin in asking. I knew Angela had a prescription filled for him from the Clinic. I hurriedly stated.
Oh! he was given a few after the lumpectomy when they did the biopsy on his neck a few days ago and he was in a lot of pain after that surgery and that is why as the prescription was only for a few of them.
That seemed to satisfy the doctor. When Angela called that evening I explained what happened and that the Dr. had prescribed Darvon . I mentioned the Doctor was not happy with Chris being on the Oxycodone . She just giggled and said
don’t worry I will get Chris a prescription….. Darvon is nothing more than Tylenol and does nothing” .
Well I wasn’t going to argue after all she was the 3rd year Resident. Apparently by this time Chris had developed a tolerance to pain killers. He told Angela the Darvon wasn’t doing anything and she said just double the dosage, until I come down next week . Keeping my mouth shut was getting more and more difficult.
Hurricane Ike had left its mark on many areas even a year later. We decided to take a drive to Galveston, I had been there with Nikki for dance competitions a few years previously and it was very interesting. Unfortunately, Ike had done a lot of damage and it was depressing . On the way Chris got a phone call from the Cleveland Clinic. The results of the compatibility test for his sister being a donor for the stem cell transplant were in. They asked if Nikki was his twin because the results were extremely good , very high and they usually don’t get those type of results except with identical twins
Breathing a sigh of relief as we now had another option in our arsenal we stopped for lunch. Our view of the sea front was dismal
.
There was one seafood restaurant open and we sat in the balcony over looking what was once the USS Flagship Hotel.
I deserved and needed a drink, something I don’t often do . The pier on which the Hotel was located obviously had been pretty hard hit . The waiter told us a lot of the business along the sea wall had not survived. Chris walked down along the beach and called Angela with the results from the Clinic and I sat on the bench and called Nikki. Once again HOPE!!!!!
To be continued
March 3rd, NO LIMITS, Chapter 14- Chris Ritchey
No Limits – The Book
Forward: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/01/02/jan-3rd-no-limits-the-forward-chris-ritchey/
Chapter One :https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/02/03/feb-3rd-no-limits-chapter-1-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Two:https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/03/03/march-3rd-no-limits-
Chapter Three: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/04/03/april-3rd-no-limits-chapt-3-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Four: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/05/03/no-limits-chapter-4-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Five: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/06/03/june-3rd-no-limits-chapter-5-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Six: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/07/03/july-3rd-no-limits-chapter-6-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Seven: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/08/03/august-3rd-no-limits-chapter7-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Eight: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/09/03/sept-3rd-no-limits-chapter-8-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Nine: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/10/03/oct-3rd-no-limits-chapter-9-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Ten: NO LIMITS- Nov 3rd- Chapter 10- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)
Chapter Eleven: NO LIMITS-Dec. 3rd- Chris Ritchey- Chapter 11 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)
Chapter Twelve: NO LIMITS-Jan 3rd- Chris Ritchey- Chapter 12 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)
Chapter Thirteen : NO LIMITS- FEB 3rd- Chris Ritchey- Chapter 13 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)
Houston Days and Nights / CONTINUED
The flight from Cleveland to Houston Airport was filled with angst and anticipation at the same time. I certainly didn’t know what to expect , either with the living accommodations or what was going happen with the “infusions of SGN35. Since it was a “trial drug” the side effects and how Chris would react with just me supporting him in Houston. I am not in the medical field, obviously, and my trusted support team were 1,400 miles away.
Houston. I left Cleveland on a sunny crisp September morning and landed into heat, humidity and strangeness.
I don’t handle heat well and humidity that is torture for me . I sucked up my discomfort and headed toward the baggage claim. Chris had had his first infusion the previous afternoon and since I was worried about any side effects. I told him I would grab a taxi from the airport, he shouldn’t worry about picking me up. JD and Karen, the Houston couple, who took Chris and Angela under their wing the previous weekend had lent Chris the ranch truck to use for a few days.
I hadn’t realized how far the airport was to Houston proper. The taxi fair was 59 dollars plus tip. I thought thank heavens I had put a hundred dollars in Chris shirt pocket as he and Angela left Cleveland. The younger generation is all about “the plastic” and I tried to drum into them
always have at least a hundred in cash for emergencies. You never know when cash is the only option
I am sure I could have hired a taxi on my plastic but the first one in the rank only took cash. I had no clue where this chap was taking me and we seemed to be driving for ever. I was so apprehensive about the apartment complex because when the Lombardis ( Tim and Sue) had shown up the night before with the suitcase Sue, kept on about how Angela was very concerned about the accommodations, the neighborhood.
What had I done ? I had tried my best in a limited housing situation in a limited time frame . I thought well I am here now and can change the location and find something else.
I was relieved when we finally arrived at the apartment complex, it certainly was not this terrible place I had now pictured in my head after Sue Lombardi’s visit. I called Chris who came to the entrance to meet me .
Chris was very white and had dark circles and not looking at all well. I said look you go back to bed and I will unpack.
The apartment consisted on a galley type kitchen, complete with dishes and all items needed except food. open to a small dining area and living room with desk . The sofa was a pull out Queen , large tv and looked out onto the pool area. Off the living room was a bedroom and ensuite. The bed was a king sized and the bedroom with 2nd TV also looked out onto the pool area. The bathroom was very large and also contained stackable washer and dryer and large walk in closet. All linens and towels etc were supplied
As I walked around to get my bearings I wondered whatever Angela was talking about? There were many amenities, media room, computer room, gym and workout room, coffee bar , barbeque areas, designated parking with secure entrances, all available to us as no extra charge. There was even a dog park and I thought maybe if Chris has to spend weeks down here Misty might be an option for a visit.
I checked the refrigerator , as I desperately needed some sustenance. Apart from a bottle of water and left over spaghetti there was nothing, the cupboards held microwavable mac and cheese, just add water. Not at all appetizing in my opinion. So much for Angela’s thoughts on the matter
photo Angela by Chris Ritchey
Angela said:“He will be fine…. there is a kitchen and he can order in pizza and JD and Karen had lent him a truck……he has to take ownership of his illness”
First things first when Chris woke up I said “time to get some food and items , washing up soap , and detergent, garbage bags etc. Are you up to driving me to the store?
There was a large grocery store about a mile and a half away and I loaded up. The only issue was the distance from the covered parking garage to the apartment with groceries. We had bags and bags and I watched as my beautiful strong son , now a shadow of what he once was , wearying under the weight of carrying and fetching the shopping . I wanted to scream and cry at what this bloody disease was doing to him. But we managed, he went back to bed and I unpacked and made him dinner. His favourite, stewed beef, mashed potatoes and carrots.
I had learned over the months of cooking for him with this disease and treatments to “hide” calories. The mashed potatoes which are easier to eat when your mouth is sore, whipped with extra butter and an egg hidden and cream instead of milk. The beef slow cooked so it is really tender and the gravy laden with richness and calories. Always a vegetable or two not cooked to death but more than “al dente” . Of course ice cream and calorie laden desserts such as orange whip. This could be made with any canned or fresh fruit, in this case mandarin oranges, orange Jell-O and heavy whipping cream.
Chris spent the rest of the evening watching TV in the bedroom and sleeping on and off.
Sunday , Chris looked much better in his color and less tired. I don’t believe he had eaten anything but a half a plate of spaghetti and drank water for at least three days.
Chris came out of the bedroom said JD and Karen had called and would I like to go with him and join them for dinner. Chris had had the use of the truck for over a week and I was going to rent a car , so I could drive if need be, and we then could return JD’s truck to him after dinner. We went to Enterprise, which was around the corner, and rented a car.
Chris had already formed a sort of bond with JD , who was older of course, and I was looking forward to meeting the people who were being so lovely to my son and Angela.
I saw immediately why Chris had taken an instant liking to JD apart form the fact he was younger and taller , his hair, he general appearance was so reminiscent of my father and Chris grandfather who had died when Chris was 8. Chris had spent a few weeks with his grandfather that year when my dad came to visit us.
JD was humorous, kind and interested. Karen his wife was tall and elegant and as my dad would say “had legs that went on forever”. Karen too was very kind and knew what I was going through as her son had been diagnosed with cancer when he was very young. Luckily , her son, was cured but she knew the heartbreak and the terror that I was feeling. I was so relieved to have these lovely people in our lives at that time. JD assured me the apartment was one of the better ones and we could call for anything anytime.
That night as I got into the “sofa bed” trying to see the stars, my husband said were so prevalent in Texas, I realized that Sunday night was the first time in many months I did not go to bed with a raging headache. Being able to take care of my son, and being met with kindness and support had done that.
To be continued………..
Announcing a New Political Page and Blog
Interrupting this…. That WOMAN blog with news.
I have another blog OH HER AGAIN!
The OH Her Again Blog is going to be and is in addition to a Facebook page which is City of Lorain Politics concentric . The face book page is private and you have to be a member to see and or post of comment. This is to enable the administrators to have an easier job of “administrating”
(1) City of Lorain Politics | Facebook
The page deals only with the “Politics of the city of Lorain”. The page has only been in existence for the past week but already so much individual research has been added. Therefore, the informational pages all checked and verified with City and County officials has been up loaded to the blog. and more are coming.
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NO LIMITS- FEB 3rd- Chris Ritchey- Chapter 13
ED NOTE: These next chapters are among the most difficult to write. I have to “emotionally” pace myself so I can get through the memories both mentally and physically. . Those who have lost a son or daughter know that for the rest of your life you are locked into the “time of loss”. The days, week, months and years go by but you are held within the grasp of those last moments and times of your child’s leaving. You see, the part of you that was theirs dies too, you are not the same person you were and you never will be again. Your body adjusts, the brain tells you don’t go there, you learn to dodge the known triggers , the brain tries to protect, to stop the gutting grief from destroying what is left of you . Your mind goes into “protect mode” however, when revisiting those times intentionally in order to tell the story you are a raw and and the wounds open as the days of death once again are relived..
No Limits – The Book
Forward: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/01/02/jan-3rd-no-limits-the-forward-chris-ritchey/
Chapter One :https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/02/03/feb-3rd-no-limits-chapter-1-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Two:https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/03/03/march-3rd-no-limits-
Chapter Three: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/04/03/april-3rd-no-limits-chapt-3-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Four: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/05/03/no-limits-chapter-4-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Five: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/06/03/june-3rd-no-limits-chapter-5-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Six: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/07/03/july-3rd-no-limits-chapter-6-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Seven: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/08/03/august-3rd-no-limits-chapter7-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Eight: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/09/03/sept-3rd-no-limits-chapter-8-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Nine: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/10/03/oct-3rd-no-limits-chapter-9-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Ten: NO LIMITS- Nov 3rd- Chapter 10- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)
Chapter Eleven: NO LIMITS-Dec. 3rd- Chris Ritchey- Chapter 11 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)
Chapter Twelve: NO LIMITS-Jan 3rd- Chris Ritchey- Chapter 12 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)
Houston Days and Nights
I watched as Chris and Angela went through “security” at the Cleveland Airport. I hoped he would be able to get on the plane. H1NI ( swine flu) had reared its head and the airlines were on the lookout for anyone displaying symptoms . Since the Hodgkin’s tumors were making their presence known once more in his body he developed a cough as the lungs tried to expel the foreign body.
“Try not to cough Chris , that would be all we needed to be banned from the flight”
It had been a whirlwind of action since the phone call that morning and now I stood in the lobby of the airport drained, hopeful once again and yet wondering WHY?
Why was life being so cruel?
I had booked Angela and Chris into the Marriot Hotel near MD Anderson Cancer Center for three nights. I wasn’t sure how long the tests and interviews would take . I got a phone call from Chris that night to say they had arrived and were having room service ( was that OK? ) I told him:
I didn’t care they had my credit card information whatever makes life easier for you darling
We aren’t wealthy but I would have sold my soul for him and I would worry about the debts later.
The next day I did not leave the phone, finally Angela rang to say that although MD Anderson had also closed the trials for SGN 35 they were going to make a place for Chris on that trial as he fit the profile and he was going through a barrage of tests.
Cancer Clinical Trials | MD Anderson Cancer Center
Relief flooded back filling the void of fear once again. Then more good news, trials aren’t typically paid for by Health Insurance , again I would have sold my house if need be, but Angela being an employee of the Cleveland Clinic insurance did cover the trial even though Chris was not at their facility because he had been denied a place in the Cleveland Clinic Trial. I truly felt things may be falling our way.
After the tests they concurred Chris was right for the trial. By now we were at the start of the Labor Day weekend . Chris was set for more tests the following week and all being well the first infusion of SGN 35 on September 11th. I had contacted the family services people at MD Anderson to see about long term lodging. The hotel would be far to expensive over $230 per night at that time. I needed to get them somewhere comfortable and close.
The offices emailed me a list of about 50 hotels and apartments all of varying quality and prices. I had no clue about where anything was in relationship to the Cancer Center , nor did I know anything at all about Houston. I gave a short list to Angela to see if she could find out any more information.
Chris called that evening , the tests went well and acquaintances of both the Lombardi’s and actually of mine had interceded by phoning friends with whom they had been college roommates who lived in Houston. JD and Karen , these people were wonderful they took Chris and Angela under their protective wing and invited them to their ranch for the long weekend. I was thrilled , some normalcy for once. Chris was so happy I could have cried.
I found out that MD Anderson was huge bringing in patients from all over the world and the places available for short stay/ long stay accommodation were few and far between. I reserved a couple and asked Angela to check up on them for suitability . I lost two because “they were going to look after the weekend”
I couldn’t seem to make Angela understand this was probably NOT going to be an option. I received a call from the one Houston Apartment Corporate Housing. I had reserved a one bedroom apartment but they had someone else wanting it so I took it sight unseen. It was the Esplanade.
Angela was not very happy I had done that but I said
“you have to have somewhere to stay and Chris needs to be where he can rest. I have taken care of all the finances, all you have to do is bring your cases and get some food shopping “
It had been decided that Angela would stay until the night before his first infusion on the 11th but she would return to Cleveland on the 10th. I didn’t know what to say , I realized Angela would need to come back to sort out work and necessary details but I thought she would take time off to be be with Chris. After all this was a “trial” he was weaker than ever with the cancer coursing through his body, surely she didn’t intend for him to stay there by himself.
Angela said:“He will be fine…. there is a kitchen and he can order in pizza and JD and Karen had lent him a truck……he has to take ownership of his illness”
I was incredulous, like it or not my son was facing death and an unknown treatment. Nikki said upon hearing this :
“mum you have to go and be with Chris, he can’t handle doing this on his own” ” Who will see to it that he eats, that he is OK , you know how hard it was on him with the chemo….call an ambulance….”
I could see Nikki was also so worried so I left for Houston on September 12th, as Chris refused to let me fly on September 11th. I told him I would find my own way from the airport as he needed to rest after the infusion of the day before.
The night before I left Sue Lombardi and Tim arrived at my front door with a suitcase of clothes and essentials that Chris had asked Angela to get to me as he went to Houston with just a small bag .
Chris’s dog, Misty, was a loopy friendly bundle of happy, she loved everyone, we always joked if an intruder came to the house she would lick them to death
So I was shocked when Sue walked into the living room and Misty went mental, growling, teeth barred and barking definitely in a protective mode. Neither my husband or I had ever seen her demonstrate such behavior , she would not stop and it was very embarrassing. Finally realizing this was not stopping, my husband put her outside where she continued to bark as if the devils from hell were threatening us.
Looking back it may be because underneath all the smiles and nicety, nicety syrupy talk Sue was giving off vibes the dog could understand and saw her as a threat . I don’t know but Misty never behaved that way before or since or maybe she knew the true character of the woman who would cause us so much pain
To be continued……
NO LIMITS-Jan 3rd- Chris Ritchey- Chapter 12
ED NOTE: It has been one year since I started this journey of serialization of my book/posts on my son’s, Christopher Ritchey, journey. I had thought, initially, to intersperse the posts as usual with other posts, pertaining to life, Lorain, crime and politics. I have found I just do not have the energy and the apathy is all consuming . I have come to the sad realization what I think and my passions on those subjects just don’t matter and don’t make a bit of difference in the real world. However, my journey with NO LIMITS continues, as hard as these chapters are to write and reliving the journey of hope and no hope there is a light at the end of this journey . I will continue to tell of our journey with transparency and truths.
No Limits – The Book
Forward: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/01/02/jan-3rd-no-limits-the-forward-chris-ritchey/
Chapter One :https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/02/03/feb-3rd-no-limits-chapter-1-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Two:https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/03/03/march-3rd-no-limits-
Chapter Three: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/04/03/april-3rd-no-limits-chapt-3-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Four: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/05/03/no-limits-chapter-4-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Five: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/06/03/june-3rd-no-limits-chapter-5-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Six: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/07/03/july-3rd-no-limits-chapter-6-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Seven: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/08/03/august-3rd-no-limits-chapter7-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Eight: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/09/03/sept-3rd-no-limits-chapter-8-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Nine: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/10/03/oct-3rd-no-limits-chapter-9-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Ten: NO LIMITS- Nov 3rd- Chapter 10- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)
Chapter Eleven: NO LIMITS-Dec. 3rd- Chris Ritchey- Chapter 11 | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)
Chapter 12 : The Trial and Tribulations
The days following the biopsy found me sitting by the phone. I knew in my heart of hearts the news was awful but I clung to the hope they could be wrong, it had been known. I knew it was a foolish hope but you grab anything you can to hold onto.
Chris came to stay with Nikki that last weekend in August . He was so pale and quiet. I went over bearing his favourite food . Nikki told me he had been out in the woods for hours on his four wheeler , alone and not wanting to talk to anyone.
We waited, and when he came in I saw my son trying to put on a brave face. We all tried to act normally I sat with him at the kitchen counter , trying to eat . He was , for my sake, trying to force the food down. A friend of my son-in-law, oblivious to the situation, came in talking about the hunting season to come and new equipment he was planning to purchase. It was so normal and so damned surreal. Chris left the kitchen , I knew he was thinking
I probably won’t be here for that season.
I waited, trying to swallow my scream. Nikki came into the kitchen and said ”
Mum, Chris is not good, you had better come upstairs
I followed her up to the guest room, also now known as Chris’ room. He was laying on top of the bed and had broken down, the fear, the hope, the fact he would die crashing down on him and he could no longer put on a brave face that day .
I didn’t know what to say or do . I felt totally helpless. I sat on the bed next to him and Nikki was on the other side and we huddled and cried together. After a while I said , not knowing really what I was saying
“The three of us like this, Chris , is probably Angela’s worst nightmare”
Finally a weak smile and I said to my son , almost believing it myself
Chris , I will move heaven and earth to find another way another treatment, even if it means going to Germany or Europe
( I had heard they were making strides in Germany with Refractory Hodgkin’s)
Chris went back out into the woods riding and I went home to get on the computer and research.
I went home worried beyond reason for my beautiful son. The phone rang it was Angela’s mother Sue Lombardi wanting to know something inconsequential.
I said Sue:
I can’t even think about that know ( I can’t even remember what it was ) I have just left Chris and he is in a terrible state.
WELL! she said NOW YOU KNOW WHAT ANGELA HAS BEEN PUTTING UP WITH .
I couldn’t believe the sanctimonious, cold hearted cow!
PUTTING UP WITH , he is dying and scared and turning to his wife.. don’t talk to me .. putting up with ????
she said :
maybe putting up with wasn’t the right choice of words .
No! it wasn’t I am going now. I have things to of more importance to deal with
Finally Tuesday came when we once again sat in the offices of Dr. Pohlman. Chris sat alone on the side of the room, he had on his aviator glasses and cap was pulled down, as I looked at my son , knowing these glasses were his defense against the emotions he was feeling being shown to us. Nikki and I sat together and Angela drew up a chair on the opposite wall.
No-one said a word, and Dr. Pohlman of the diamond earing , white framed glasses , starched white coat and Italian leather shoes entered the room.
I was never keen on him , his bed side manner was decidedly lacking , but Chris liked him, why? I don’t know . As he sat down he looked at us , looked at the report and said coldly:
“This is bad, very bad. Your immune system, ( looking at Chris who had not moved but sat like stone) does not recognize the cancer. As your body deals with the good cells it is also helping the cancer cells . Another stem cell transplant , this would be a donor transplant in the hopes that their immune system would take over (allogeneic) is a remote possibility , but the insurance probably would not OK it.
Nikki , spoke ” well why can’t we try? “
Pohlman looked as if he had noticed her for the first time,
“and you are his sister? Well we could test you as a donor, are you willing “
“Of course I am willing I will do anything “
Polhman then continued.
Chris your only hope for a “cure” ( and yes he said the word “cure” )is to get on a trial for the drug SGN35 .
I finally found my voice,
how do we do that?
Unfortunately,
he said ( and this was the Tuesday morning after waiting for days for the results of the biopsy)
We.at the Clinic closed down the admittance to the trial of SGN 35 we have here on Friday and there are no more spaces available. I am not sure there are any openings around the country.
I was incredulous , this young man had been treated by them from the very beginning they KNEW the cancer had returned , they knew he would need options , they held out the hope again to only withdraw it coldly and clinically. I was so angry I couldn’t speak. Angela sat there ,
For god’s sake I thought Angela say something, you are a resident going to be a Dr. a member of the Cleveland Clinic yourself say something!!!!!This is your husband fight for him.
Angela said nothing, it was Nikki who spoke :
You are the Cleveland Clinic , the best in the nation, and you are telling me that Chris has been your patient all this time and you come in here offering nothing, just that a trial has closed, why didn’t you reserve him a space. You KNEW what those results were . and all you can say is “this is bad , very bad ” and there is a hope for a cure but not here . Then Where????? Don’t kick him to the curb, he is not a lab rat……
Chris’ face book page
I am not sure Polhman was expecting that , I know Angela looked shocked. Polhman was the big shot specialist, I am sure she wasn’t happy with Nikki questioning him. Polhman turned his hands outward in a gesture of “oh well” said that he would send his assistant to set up a test for Nikki and he would have them see if there were any openings for SGN 35 in other states , but the trials had all closed on the Friday . He had other patients he had to see.
As they all walked out I asked what about Europe, Germany , he looked perplexed. He didn’t know and was that an option. I said:
anything is an option to save my son’s life and walked out.
The rest of the day found Angela looking into options, contacting people she had been in medical school with. Nikki on the computer and I called family in the medical community , who dealt with Cancer research . They put me in touch with Chicago and Columbus trials, talking to Doctors, setting up appointments.
Angela had the best options with MD Anderson Houston Texas . She sent Chris records through to a friend who said they would get them to Dr. Younes who was doing the trial.
Wednesday morning , Nikki and I picked up Chris from his apartment and we went to the Clinic for them to be matched for a allogeneic transplant. This done we went back to his apartment, not really speaking . We stayed for a little while, I was so worried about Chris , he had lost hope. I left Nikki and Chris in the living room and went to busy myself making the bed incase he needed to rest. Nikki came flying into the room. Dr. Younes’ PA from MD Anderson was on the phone and they had an opening for an appointment the next day in Houston.
The next afternoon at two o’clock . OMG!!! the thoughts tumbled and whirled through my mind. Take the appointment , call the airlines, Chris call Angela , where is my credit card , get them on a flight, book a hotel near the hospital , get some money . By eight o’clock they were boarding a flight to Houston….
the roller coaster ride was starting up again
to be continued……..
NO LIMITS-Dec. 3rd- Chris Ritchey- Chapter 11
No Limits- The book
Forward: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/01/02/jan-3rd-no-limits-the-forward-chris-ritchey/
Chapter One :https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/02/03/feb-3rd-no-limits-chapter-1-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Two:https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/03/03/march-3rd-no-limits-
Chapter Three: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/04/03/april-3rd-no-limits-chapt-3-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Four: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/05/03/no-limits-chapter-4-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Five: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/06/03/june-3rd-no-limits-chapter-5-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Six: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/07/03/july-3rd-no-limits-chapter-6-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Seven: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/08/03/august-3rd-no-limits-chapter7-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Eight: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/09/03/sept-3rd-no-limits-chapter-8-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Nine: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/10/03/oct-3rd-no-limits-chapter-9-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Ten: NO LIMITS- Nov 3rd- Chapter 10- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)
THE HOPING TIME- CHAPTER 11
I was never one for organized religion. My brain always questioning as to the logic of faith. The stories written by men with agendas put in the form of a bible, or a book, tablets, writings, of whatever faith was in vogue, translations based on the politics of the day. But I prayed to an all-powerful, all knowing being commonly known in my society as God! I prayed every waking minute silently, and every night alone I prayed out loud. Please God take me not him, let him have his life and happiness. I did the deals parents do when they believe someone magical being can overturn a fate. I would have sacrificed myself on any alter “He” deemed needed to save my son.
Almost every church in Lorain had him on their prayer chain. Churches both Catholic and Protestant in England, Scotland, New Zealand Australia and Canada reached out to the heavens in my son’s name. Synagogues, Buddhists and Native Americans joined in with their prayers . I was sent so many little bottles of Holy Water from Lourdes, from pilgrimages made on behalf of Chris that I could have opened a market stall.
The thoughts kept going through my head.
“If there is a God as most seem to believe and he has no use for me and no reason to answer my prayers surely He can’t ignore the hundreds of people who are praying for Chris, and especially his wife and family a pillar of the Catholic Church. What about their prayers does my lack of faith tip the scale against hundreds of believers?
What about Chris what did he ever do in his young life to deserve this ? His sister what had she ever done, his father his Nana? The believers told me God has a plan? Well I don’t like his plan when the drug dealer who has raped and caused hell to his parents is walking around procreating and causing such turmoil why not him I asked why Chris? I did not get an answer and ten years on nothing has changed for the drug dealer except his vehicles.
June turned into July , I watched as my son started to look better from his chemical death. He grew stronger and I started to breathe a little better. Late July found him going on a 4 wheeler trip with the guys.
Normalcy and fun , so I thought. Dr. Pohlman had told him in June he wasn’t going to have to see him until November and he had no restrictions as such, just to stay away from people who may be ill etc. When Chris came back from that trip he was obviously tired but there was something else going on . I prayed it wasn’t the cancer coming back again.
Chris opened up to Nikki that he thought the lump was coming back on his neck a compromised lymph node . My understanding is the cancer cells in the blood are larger than normal cells and so can’t get through and block the system causing the lumps ( tumors) . That of course is the very simplest of explanations , there is so much more .
Chris finally having shared his fears with Nikki and they called the staff member in Pohlman’s office he had been given as a contact. They basically said to keep an eye on it and he had an appointment moved up until August.
The Doctors decided to do a biopsy on August 21st , Chris’ birthday. I will never be able to think of his birthday in the same way again.
I drove to the downtown Cleveland Clinic wanting to throw up all the way. I was so scared I couldn’t even think straight. Chris and Angela were already there. Nikki having fed the baby,( she was breast feeding) was on her way. We sat in silence in the waiting room , Chris, Angela and I , I had no words. Nikki arrived looked at her brother and said “Birthday” he smiled . He was taken back to pre-op Nikki and Angela went with him . I sat along in a corridor trying not to fall apart, everything within me was screaming.
Chris was taken down and we went to the waiting room only to find Angela’s support team. One of them her grandmother , they wanted to get something to eat so I duly followed on. The grandmother who was nice enough in her way but in my opinion sadly lacking in forethought said:
“What a shame, on his birthday too. Oh isn’t it your birthday in a couple of days, are you having a party to celebrate”
and on she “clacked”. I thought has this woman any idea of what Nikki and I are going through. I sat quietly through the “meal”, whilst they ate and rattled on about this and that, we then went back to the waiting room.
The big board with all the operations and who was in surgery and who was in recovery kept changing. The grandmother true to form had not finished. Nikki had left me to go and express her milk. As I sat there visualizing what was happening to my son Grandmother pipes up:
Let’s have a contest , everyone pick a time as to when Chris goes to recovery, how much longer do you think it will be. Angela you are the Dr. so you start.
and they did . I was by this time bringing up bile in my mouth, I could no longer sit there , was not one of Angela’s support team going to shut this stupid woman up. Did they not see how inappropriate this was and how painful?
I got up and left and went outside crying. Nikki found me as they had no idea where I had gone. Chris had come through the surgery and was in recovery. The surgeon came out and said it went well and they were sending the sample for tests. Angela left to share the news. Nikki looked at the surgeon and said:
is the cancer back?
He was very nice and said
we have to wait for the results.
Nikki looked at him and said :
You have done hundreds of these and you can tell, I know , is the cancer back
He looked at her and just nodded.
Mum, you can’t go back into the recovery room . Chris will take one look at you and know . You have to leave.
and so I did . I don’t remember driving home . I was numb , perplexed desperate.
Chris missed my birthday but came two days after with my “candles” he always bought me candles since he was a little boy.
April 3rd- The Candle Connection- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)
As soon as Chris was old enough and earning money, he would buy me special candles – the trouble was they were always artistic and expensive and I couldn’t bring myself to light them. After one more such gift of candles I couldn’t bear to burn , I told you:
“Chris, these are far too nice to burn – just buy me ones I can feel OK with lighting” .
The next birthday came the “Daisy Candles” and once again I didn’t have the heart to burn them I supposed you had forgotten the request .
I noticed the cellophane around the “Daisy Candles” was definitely yellowing and becoming brittle. My thought was to bring them into the living room where my mum, who loves daisies might get some cheer from them as a symbol of “spring will eventually arrive and with it daisies”
I brought the candles downstairs , took off the wrapper and then saw the instructions-
I realized as I read those words you had listened to me– because the candles were special- the wick would burn for 29-30 hours and when it was done the outside of the candle would still be intact and I could insert tea light candle that would illuminate the outer shell.
the thought struck me the candle was yet another symbol- how your life burned with beauty and strength for as many years as those candles had hours (29) and what was left was a mere glimmer of memories that would only burn as long as I lighted the “memory of you” . The “tea light” of the 3rd of every month where once again your life is lived!
The candles , the last he bought me, are still waiting to give a light that has been lost to us.
To be continued………
NO LIMITS- Nov 3rd- Chapter 10- Chris Ritchey
No Limits- The book
Forward: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/01/02/jan-3rd-no-limits-the-forward-chris-ritchey/
Chapter One :https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/02/03/feb-3rd-no-limits-chapter-1-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Two:https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/03/03/march-3rd-no-limits-
Chapter Three: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/04/03/april-3rd-no-limits-chapt-3-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Four: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/05/03/no-limits-chapter-4-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Five: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/06/03/june-3rd-no-limits-chapter-5-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Six: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/07/03/july-3rd-no-limits-chapter-6-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Seven: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/08/03/august-3rd-no-limits-chapter7-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Eight: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/09/03/sept-3rd-no-limits-chapter-8-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Nine: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/10/03/oct-3rd-no-limits-chapter-9-chris-ritchey/
The Time Between and the 2nd Stem Cell Transplant- Chapter 10
After leaving the Cleveland Clinic on that 1st week of April , our hopes were high. Although Chris looked dreadful the doctors were very pleased with how he rebounded and his body was recovering. The next stem cell transplant would take his level down ( chemically) even farther than the first one. They hoped that this would eradicate any of the cancer cells left in his blood.
The weeks of recovery were rough, he obviously had very little appetite . I would go to his and Angela’s apartment every morning in Cleveland Heights whilst she went to work at South Pointe Hospital . I would stay until she would come home in the afternoon. The rest of my family were having to fend for themselves, I felt very guilty I couldn’t help my daughter more with her new baby. My 90 year old mother was looking after my husband and cooking for everyone.
I would take Chris his food or cook for him during the day. I knew more about where things were in my daughter- in- law’s kitchen than I did in my daughter’s.
I hated all the poisons that were supposedly killing the cancer because I knew they also killed healthy cells and I was scared of the damage that was being done. However, you take the chance that being young your son can overcome and heal. I had said to :
Brad Pohlman, MD, is Vice Chair of Operations at Cleveland Clinic Taussig Cancer Institute. Dr. Pohlman is a member of the American Society of Hematology, American Society of Clinical Oncology, and American Society for Blood and Marrow Transplantation. when we had met with him about the double stem cell transplant”
“What are the side effects or dangers in this and would you recommend this if Chris was your son?”
He smiled and said:
” Obviously I would recommend this procedure and the main issues with the stem cell transplants is that it can cause problems in the lungs, but we can fix that with steroids “
I thought at the time I hoped the risk was minimum as he didn’t seem concerned and we were ready to try anything to get rid of this damned cancer. Still as he mentioned the lungs my chest tightened and warning bells went off again in my brain, but what was the alternative?
The days went into weeks and Chris progressed really well, he got the color back in his face his eyes no longer circled with darkness, he was of course completely bald . He came to Nikki’s one day had his black jacket turned backwards and declared as he came into the room:
Uncle Festus has arrived!
He still had an irreverent sense of humour and could laugh at himself and a temper and that calmed me because I knew how he would fight. And so the 2nd stem cell transplant began.
This time they took his levels down to almost zero , it was horrible. He never complained but the pain was excruciating, they pumped him full of drugs and the creamed corn radiated cells, His vision was effected and basically his nails stopped growing for those two days leaving a line where they “died” and then were” resurrected”. His mouth was full of ulcers and his throat. He could only manage water and milk with ice cubes. I had my mother make him his favorite orange whip, with orange jello, double cream and mandarin oranges whipped together.
When he could manage whipped potatoes I whipped them with butter and an egg and cream. Funnily enough he got a craving for Corn Dogs of all things , maybe it was the smell of the creamed corn but much to the annoyance of the “nutrition specialist” I would get him whatever he desired and so corn dogs it was. Eventually , having brought in an electric kettle I could make him tea, the cup that cheers as my mum always said and we would share a cup or two in the afternoon with a few of his favourite English biscuits ( cookies) I am not sure what the staff thought of me but I didn’t care, I knew what he liked and how to make my son comfortable .
I would once again, change the bed, read whilst he slept. and leave about 5 . I rarely bumped into Angela I thought she was working. Apparently, I learned later, she was not most of that time. Yet my son thought she was and felt badly she was working all day and having to come and visit him at night. I am grateful he didn’t know what we now know. Came the day he was released once again !
He had decided after weeks of being in isolation he wanted nothing more than the get out into the outside and breathe the air. He bought a 4 wheeler which he kept at his sister’s , Nikki. They have woods behind their house and every moment he could he would be riding the four wheeler for hours . He loved it and being alone in those woods, free…… !
I had also given Chris my Pontiac Trans Am and he was able to use it as a down payment on a Ford F150 black truck, his father and I made the payments . Chris he was still getting pay from his job and Angela was working but I felt the young couple had enough on their plate so we paid the truck payments and insurance. Fortunately ALL the medical costs were covered under Angela’s Cleveland Clinic Insurance ( all but the parking fees) 100%of all medical costs were covered. The Clinic has some great perks!
Sue Lombardi made a great deal of fuss to people of my acquaintance saying how much everything was costing. One of my friends asked , after having a discussion with Sue, if they could help in anyway with the medical bills. I said what bill? Chris is covered under the Cleveland Clinic they are paying for everything under their insurance. The answer came
” Sue, led me to believe the cough medicine alone was $350.00 you mean they aren’t paying that, why would she lead me to believe they were going in debt”
I said
” Well she is right the cough medicine is $350.00 a bottle but she and her family aren’t suffering any out of pocket expenses for Chris’ treatment, I don’t know why she is telling people that”
A year after his first diagnosis of the Refractory Hodgkin’s – June 2009 – finishing up the tandem stem cell transplants – found Chris given the all clear once again. We celebrated with steaks and good wishes, Chris hosting the barbeque at Nikki’s house inviting the “Lombardi in- laws”.
Luckily for me , my new little grandson Gavin, was fussy so I was able to excuse myself with the baby and spent a great deal of the time trying to get him off to sleep.
You see, I did not have the strength to maintain a façade, I could not look at the Lombardi family without the picture of them in my dream standing around my son’s casket , warning bells kept going off in my brain. Illogical though it was, I could not get over looking at them and seeing the death of my son.
My body and soul were torn between hope, happiness and dread………
To be continued………..
Oct. 3rd No Limits Chapter 9 – Chris Ritchey
No Limits- The book
Forward: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/01/02/jan-3rd-no-limits-the-forward-chris-ritchey/
Chapter One :https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/02/03/feb-3rd-no-limits-chapter-1-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Two:https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/03/03/march-3rd-no-limits-
Chapter Three: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/04/03/april-3rd-no-limits-chapt-3-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Four: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/05/03/no-limits-chapter-4-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Five: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/06/03/june-3rd-no-limits-chapter-5-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Six: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/07/03/july-3rd-no-limits-chapter-6-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Seven: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/08/03/august-3rd-no-limits-chapter7-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Eight: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/09/03/sept-3rd-no-limits-chapter-8-chris-ritchey/
Double Cell Transplant:
We went to see Dr. Brad Pohlman who had been involved through South Pointe with Chris’ initial treatment.
:Brad Pohlman, MD, is Vice Chair of Operations at Cleveland Clinic Taussig Cancer Institute. Dr. Pohlman is a member of the American Society of Hematology, American Society of Clinical Oncology, and American Society for Blood and Marrow Transplantation.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sngT_dShxsw
So much for the 95% cure rate re Hodgkin’s Lymphoma, Chris was now diagnosed with Refractory Hodgkin’s Lymphoma , the cancer came back very quickly https://www.webmd.com/cancer/lymphoma/qa/what-is-refractory-or-recurrent-hodgkins-lymphoma
The day, Chris and Angela and I went to we went to the Cleveland Clinic and saw the Lymphoma specialist Dr. Brad Pohlman, once again we rode the rails of hope. My son wanted to do whatever it took to
get this “crap” out of me, cut it, burn it, kill it, I want to reach the age of 50″.
I looked at his face as he said those words and my heart ached for him.
It was suggested that Chris undergo a Double Stem Cell transplant , good results had been seen in a study out of California . A tandem (double autologous) transplant is a process in which you have two stem cell transplants with your own cells — done about three to six months apart — to increase chances of success.
Basically this involved removing stem cells from Chris through his blood. The need a certain amount and they did manage to get all they needed in one removal
“https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/stem-cell-transplant/what-happens/
The most common way to harvest stem cells involves temporarily removing blood from the body, separating out the stem cells, and then returning the blood to the body.
To boost the number of stem cells in the blood, medication that stimulates their production will be given for about 4 days beforehand. On the fifth day, a blood test will be carried out to check there are enough circulating stem cells.
If there are enough cells, veins in each arm will be connected by tubes to a cell-separator machine. Blood is removed from one arm and passed through a filter, before being returned to the body through the other arm.
This procedure isn’t painful and is done while you’re awake. It takes around 3 hours and may need to be repeated the next day if not enough cells are removed the first time.”
He then, after harvesting, went through more Chemo therapy and in one year from his first chemo was back in the Cleveland Clinic isolation etc. to be chemically killed . There is no other word for it. We prepared as best we could because of the high risk of infection he was initially behind a glass window. The side effects of the first transplant were given to us :
- Nausea and vomiting
- Diarrhea
- Hair loss
- Mouth sores or ulcers
- Infection
- Bleeding
- Infertility or sterility
- Anemia
- Fatigue
- Cataracts
- Organ complications, such as heart, liver or lung failure
As he went through the first of the stem cell transplants I would go to the hospital every day, he hated the food, refused to eat it. Apparently the smell of the plastic covers covering the food and the steam coming off of them nauseated him. I would cook him lunch and supper, trying to devise a menu which would appeal to the lack of appetite, high calorie content that slipped down easily, dishes he liked from childhood. Then I would take the dishes to him. The nutritionist had to OK what I cooked, but they were more nutritious than what they were trying to give him so I was allowed.
Finally the glass screen came down, he was supposed to be the hospital that first time around for at least 4 weeks. He experienced most of the side effects. I still suffer from that place and that transplant. The nurse warned me they would be putting his own irradiated and treated cells back into his body and the preservative used would smell like creamed corn and it did. The smell permeated the very air for hours. I can no longer smell creamed corn cooking or dished out without being violently ill both in mind and body.
I would arrived at 11:30 am, most of the time he would be in the chair by the time I arrived, hooked up to poisons and fluids. I would get clean sheets from the nurse every day and make up his bed. This was my only way of trying to make him comfortable, with clean sheets and freshly made bed. I would stay whilst he slept, or watched TV. Most of the time I read. I can’t remember one book or title of any book during that time.
I would stay with him in that “cell” because that is what it became for both of us a cancerous prison but with hope the door would be unlocked to a future. I would heat his supper in the hospital’s “family room” microwave – clean up and come home at 7 to get dishes etc. for the next day and start all over again.
My daughter was at the end of her pregnancy, when Chris was admitted for the first stem cell procedure. She wasn’t due until at least two weeks after Chris was due to be released from the first stem cell transplant ( Autologous) , but once again, somehow I KNEW (yet another premonition) , I was going to be torn would between hospitals – I would be travelling between hospitals and the needs of my two children. I was right, Chris was at the end of the first procedure when Nikki went into labor two weeks early .
I had just crawled, exhausted, into bed when my son in law called to say Nikki’s water had broken and to meet them at the hospital as Nikki wanted me with her when she gave birth. Even though Chris had been in one hospital being chemically killed he was on the phone to Nikki the whole time talking her through the pain of birth, making her laugh, easing her mind. They were miles apart and yet Chris was there for her as I knew he would be. Chris talked to her through the hours of labor, making her laugh, getting her through. They were always there for each other
Chris and his sister, Nikki – on the happiest night of her life
Chris said:
hey at least you will get out of there in a couple of days even when I get out I will have to come back….. hang in there … you can do this….
He said to Nikki after he heard it was a baby boy. let me tell Nana and Dad and he did . I didn’t see him for 4 days after the birth as I was with Nikki, but his counts came back quickly , quicker than expected and he was released/
Chris came home on April 3rd and met his nephew for the first time, he was amazed at how tiny Gavin was. Nikki’s house was the first place he came straight from the hospital . Nikki, with Gavin in her arms and Chris and held onto each other that afternoon ….
To be continued
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