Archive for December, 2020
NO LIMITS-Dec. 3rd- Chris Ritchey- Chapter 11
No Limits- The book
Forward: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/01/02/jan-3rd-no-limits-the-forward-chris-ritchey/
Chapter One :https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/02/03/feb-3rd-no-limits-chapter-1-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Two:https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/03/03/march-3rd-no-limits-
Chapter Three: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/04/03/april-3rd-no-limits-chapt-3-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Four: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/05/03/no-limits-chapter-4-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Five: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/06/03/june-3rd-no-limits-chapter-5-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Six: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/07/03/july-3rd-no-limits-chapter-6-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Seven: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/08/03/august-3rd-no-limits-chapter7-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Eight: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/09/03/sept-3rd-no-limits-chapter-8-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Nine: https://thatwoman.wordpress.com/2020/10/03/oct-3rd-no-limits-chapter-9-chris-ritchey/
Chapter Ten: NO LIMITS- Nov 3rd- Chapter 10- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)
THE HOPING TIME- CHAPTER 11
I was never one for organized religion. My brain always questioning as to the logic of faith. The stories written by men with agendas put in the form of a bible, or a book, tablets, writings, of whatever faith was in vogue, translations based on the politics of the day. But I prayed to an all-powerful, all knowing being commonly known in my society as God! I prayed every waking minute silently, and every night alone I prayed out loud. Please God take me not him, let him have his life and happiness. I did the deals parents do when they believe someone magical being can overturn a fate. I would have sacrificed myself on any alter “He” deemed needed to save my son.
Almost every church in Lorain had him on their prayer chain. Churches both Catholic and Protestant in England, Scotland, New Zealand Australia and Canada reached out to the heavens in my son’s name. Synagogues, Buddhists and Native Americans joined in with their prayers . I was sent so many little bottles of Holy Water from Lourdes, from pilgrimages made on behalf of Chris that I could have opened a market stall.
The thoughts kept going through my head.
“If there is a God as most seem to believe and he has no use for me and no reason to answer my prayers surely He can’t ignore the hundreds of people who are praying for Chris, and especially his wife and family a pillar of the Catholic Church. What about their prayers does my lack of faith tip the scale against hundreds of believers?
What about Chris what did he ever do in his young life to deserve this ? His sister what had she ever done, his father his Nana? The believers told me God has a plan? Well I don’t like his plan when the drug dealer who has raped and caused hell to his parents is walking around procreating and causing such turmoil why not him I asked why Chris? I did not get an answer and ten years on nothing has changed for the drug dealer except his vehicles.
June turned into July , I watched as my son started to look better from his chemical death. He grew stronger and I started to breathe a little better. Late July found him going on a 4 wheeler trip with the guys.
Normalcy and fun , so I thought. Dr. Pohlman had told him in June he wasn’t going to have to see him until November and he had no restrictions as such, just to stay away from people who may be ill etc. When Chris came back from that trip he was obviously tired but there was something else going on . I prayed it wasn’t the cancer coming back again.
Chris opened up to Nikki that he thought the lump was coming back on his neck a compromised lymph node . My understanding is the cancer cells in the blood are larger than normal cells and so can’t get through and block the system causing the lumps ( tumors) . That of course is the very simplest of explanations , there is so much more .
Chris finally having shared his fears with Nikki and they called the staff member in Pohlman’s office he had been given as a contact. They basically said to keep an eye on it and he had an appointment moved up until August.
The Doctors decided to do a biopsy on August 21st , Chris’ birthday. I will never be able to think of his birthday in the same way again.
I drove to the downtown Cleveland Clinic wanting to throw up all the way. I was so scared I couldn’t even think straight. Chris and Angela were already there. Nikki having fed the baby,( she was breast feeding) was on her way. We sat in silence in the waiting room , Chris, Angela and I , I had no words. Nikki arrived looked at her brother and said “Birthday” he smiled . He was taken back to pre-op Nikki and Angela went with him . I sat along in a corridor trying not to fall apart, everything within me was screaming.
Chris was taken down and we went to the waiting room only to find Angela’s support team. One of them her grandmother , they wanted to get something to eat so I duly followed on. The grandmother who was nice enough in her way but in my opinion sadly lacking in forethought said:
“What a shame, on his birthday too. Oh isn’t it your birthday in a couple of days, are you having a party to celebrate”
and on she “clacked”. I thought has this woman any idea of what Nikki and I are going through. I sat quietly through the “meal”, whilst they ate and rattled on about this and that, we then went back to the waiting room.
The big board with all the operations and who was in surgery and who was in recovery kept changing. The grandmother true to form had not finished. Nikki had left me to go and express her milk. As I sat there visualizing what was happening to my son Grandmother pipes up:
Let’s have a contest , everyone pick a time as to when Chris goes to recovery, how much longer do you think it will be. Angela you are the Dr. so you start.
and they did . I was by this time bringing up bile in my mouth, I could no longer sit there , was not one of Angela’s support team going to shut this stupid woman up. Did they not see how inappropriate this was and how painful?
I got up and left and went outside crying. Nikki found me as they had no idea where I had gone. Chris had come through the surgery and was in recovery. The surgeon came out and said it went well and they were sending the sample for tests. Angela left to share the news. Nikki looked at the surgeon and said:
is the cancer back?
He was very nice and said
we have to wait for the results.
Nikki looked at him and said :
You have done hundreds of these and you can tell, I know , is the cancer back
He looked at her and just nodded.
Mum, you can’t go back into the recovery room . Chris will take one look at you and know . You have to leave.
and so I did . I don’t remember driving home . I was numb , perplexed desperate.
Chris missed my birthday but came two days after with my “candles” he always bought me candles since he was a little boy.
April 3rd- The Candle Connection- Chris Ritchey | That Woman’s Weblog (wordpress.com)
As soon as Chris was old enough and earning money, he would buy me special candles – the trouble was they were always artistic and expensive and I couldn’t bring myself to light them. After one more such gift of candles I couldn’t bear to burn , I told you:
“Chris, these are far too nice to burn – just buy me ones I can feel OK with lighting” .
The next birthday came the “Daisy Candles” and once again I didn’t have the heart to burn them I supposed you had forgotten the request .
I noticed the cellophane around the “Daisy Candles” was definitely yellowing and becoming brittle. My thought was to bring them into the living room where my mum, who loves daisies might get some cheer from them as a symbol of “spring will eventually arrive and with it daisies”
I brought the candles downstairs , took off the wrapper and then saw the instructions-
I realized as I read those words you had listened to me– because the candles were special- the wick would burn for 29-30 hours and when it was done the outside of the candle would still be intact and I could insert tea light candle that would illuminate the outer shell.
the thought struck me the candle was yet another symbol- how your life burned with beauty and strength for as many years as those candles had hours (29) and what was left was a mere glimmer of memories that would only burn as long as I lighted the “memory of you” . The “tea light” of the 3rd of every month where once again your life is lived!
The candles , the last he bought me, are still waiting to give a light that has been lost to us.
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